Hello, everyone. I'm late, I know. I'm gonna stop apologizing and just do. I have been in the WORST writer's slump for the past six months. However, that does not explain the months past that.

So...COMMENT REVIEW TIME!

GrimKid98: Truer words have never been spoken.

SkyeShah: Hey, at least school is still out, right? I know it's a year late, but...yeah. It's a year late. Sorry.

Guest: I'm sorry this is so late, but I'm glad you liked it!

YouCanOnlyPretend: Watch me! (Seriously though, I'm sorry this is so late).

Now then...LET THE STORY BEGIN!

For those of you who have never had a pony dissolve into musical instruments and footwear right in front of you, I envy you and your normalcy. That sight is not a sight meant for mortal eyes.

I froze where I was, the sounds of the fight around me going muggy, maracas and shoes spilling from my arms. Maracas and shoes that had, not a minute ago, been a living, breathing, talking pony. My stomach shrank into a shriveled knot, unsure how to react to the sight. Was it gross? Comical? Vomit worthy? The closest feeling I had ever felt to this that I could remember was when I'd 'killed' Ari: like I shouldn't have cared as much as I did, but I still did. And it sucked.

Even if I hadn't known this pony, it had still saved my life. It had been brought to this world, scared, confused. It had been tortured, experimented on, most likely kept in a dog crate. And for what? What did they learn from it? How to love more? Clearly not.

Numb, I looked up at Schnozz, who seemed surprised. However, the shock faded, replaced by an infuriating smugness. He lifted the ray gun and pointed it at me, finger tensing around the trigger.

Just like that, I snapped back into action. Vision bleeding red with fury, I grabbed the nearest possible thing-which, unfortunately, turned out to be a maraca-and hurled it at Schnozz as hard as I could.

The impromptu projectile flew through the air with deadly accuracy, hitting Schnozz square on the nose like some sort of nasal-seeking nuke. He shouted and cupped his face, blood squirting from his nostrils. "Y-you miserable trash!" he yelled.

I rose to my feet. "Hi pot," I snarled, fury coursing through every vein. "I'm kettle. It's nice to meet you."

Schnozz went ashen underneath the blood running down his lip. He seemed to be realizing what a disadvantage he was at; broken ribs, broken nose, and a wobbly aiming arm against a literal enhanced human. "S-stay back!" he stuttered, pointing the ray gun at me.

I laughed, completely humorless. "What are you gonna do, Schnozz?" I sneered. "We both know you can't hit me before I hit you. And trust me, I hit hard." I cracked my knuckles to emphasize my point. "I'll cut you a deal, though. Lie down and give up, and I'll only aim for your nose once."

Schnozz looked from me to the gun in his hand. His eyes flicked through emotions like an indecisive internet blogger: rage, fear, defeat. Followed by steely determination.

He looked at me. Grinned like a madman. Fiddled with a few knobs in the ray. Pressed the barrel to his chest.

And pulled the trigger.

Even if I had realized what was happening in time, there was no way I could have stopped him, even with my enhanced speed. Hellish light blasted from the end of the ray, engulfing Schnozz is a cloud of light like a thunderstorm from the ninth circle. The ray hissed and banged, before finally exploding, unleashing a second blast of energy.

The force was so strong that it blasted me off my feet and sent me slamming into a nearby wall. The impact knocked the air from my lungs and sent my vision crowding with white spots. I didn't even feel it when I slid to the floor.

I blinked a few times and put a hand to my temple. My skull felt as if someone had filled it with bees and given the whole thing a nice shake. Biting back a groan, I tried to focus on what was in front of me. Schnozz had been engulfed in a giant cloud of smoke.

Would it have been too much to hope for that the ray blasted him apart, leaving behind nothing but a puff of smoke and the receipt for a botched nose job?

Apparently, yes. Because what came skulking out of the smoke was way, way worse.

At first glance, it kinda looked like Discord: a long, twisting body and bulbous glowing eyes. But this was no cartoon creature made of mismatched animal parts. Every single part of Schnozz was still present, still horrifically, nauseatingly human, but now they were wrong. His arms were stretched and distorted, with at least three new joints and two less fingers. The same went for his legs. I could see his bones poking obscenely against his skin, stretching it tight. His lab coat hung in tatters, like some sort of loincloth. His face was stretched and distorted, with a horsy snout and two twists of hair on top poking out like antlers.

To top it all off, whatever had transformed him clearly had a twisted sense of humor, because he had a bright red nose the size of an apple.

Now, I've seen awful things. Awful, horrific things that would make most people throw up their ribcages. And I faced them unflinchingly But this, well...can you blame me if I threw up?

You can? Well, you weren't there, so you have no business talking. And it's not like I was the only one. Around me, the few whitecoats not unconscious or spinning too fast to actually see were offering up their own sacrifices to the god O'Rourke. And forget about the ponies. Most fainted dead on the spot, and the one or two that didn't were cowering behind the griffins, whose feathers were sticking up like an angry cat's fur.

I wiped a stray trail of bile from the side of my mouth and watched as FrankenSchnozz shifted from foot to foot. A tail I hadn't seen before (and immediately regretted seeing-it was skinned bare, just a long column of vertebrae) swished from side to side. Two tiny wings that looked nauseatingly like shoulder blades flapped with a sound like grating wood.

"What is-" He shook himself like a dog, before holding out his new arms and eying them with horror. "What's happened to me?"

Even has horrified as I was, I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. What did you think was going to happen, dummy?

Discord snaked his head over my shoulder and looked FrankenSchnozz (I really need to shorten that) up and down. "If you want my personal opinion,"' he said smarmily, "it's a massive improvement."

"Shut up!" FS was sounding more and more panicked by the second. "I didn't-I never wanted-" His eyes bulged.

I swallowed hard to thoroughly banish any lingering urge to paint the roses red. "This is the problem with you whitecoats, Schnozz," I croaked. "You get all these ideas about things you don't understand and then throw tantrums when it doesn't come out like the pictures."

FS turned on me, livid. "Shut UP!" He roared, pointing a mangled hand and snapping his fingers.

There was another flash of light, a quick stabbing pain in my mouth-and suddenly, I couldn't talk. I could make noise, sure, but my lips were sealed shut. Eyes going wide, I ran my hands over my mouth. Or where my mouth should have been.

Metal rivets. A little metal tab. Yep. It was a zipper.

I have to take a moment here to really describe how this made me feel. One would think that I freaked out. That would be true. One would think I was scared. That would also be true. However, those words fail to fully describe the emotions that starting running through my ribcage like an out of control horse. This wasn't your average fear. This was advanced fear. This was such a base, primal sense of NOPE that I probably would have started screaming-you know, if my mouth hadn't just turned into a zipper.

Cut me a bit of slack here. This wasn't exactly normal.

I scrabbled at my new mouthpiece, as if I could rip it off and magically get my mouth back, but no dice. Any screams I made (and trust me, I was making them) came out muffled. I was completely, utterly, undeniably freaking out.

Schnozz stared at me, and then looked at his freakish fingers. Slowly, the look of terror on his face was replaced by a devious smirk.

Next to me, Discord flinched. "Oh dear. This is going to be messy."

FS started laughing like a clown in a storm drain (which, for those who aren't caught up on popular book references, means he sounded insane). With a flick of his wrist, he snapped his fingers in the direction of the biggest pile of unconscious white coats. There was a flash of white (I was really starting to hate that light) and suddenly, they were no longer unconscious or white. They were standing at attention, completely rigid and glossy green. Plastic soldiers, complete with bowl-shaped helmets and the little plastic tabs on their feet.

I really, really, really wanted to make some snarky quip about FS being too old to play with toys, but I was still, unfortunately, zipped up. Thankfully, Discord seemed to notice my red face (and I'll admit, the faint tears forming in my eyes) and smiled. He reached up a claw, grabbed the end of the zipper, and...unzipped it.

Because of course it was that simple.

I took a deep breath through my mouth, coughed once or twice, and then rounded on Discord. "How the hell are we supposed to stop him?" I demanded.

Discord eyed FS, who was currently raising the last of the whitecoats as plastic soldiers. "Well, we could wait until he burns himself out," he said.

Well, that's a start, at least. "And how long will that take?"

Discord shrugged. "Depends on how much chaos he manages to cause. The more chaos, the stronger the magic will become. Still, he's not generating it, so I'd say...A few weeks? One moon, tops."

Aaaand there it is. I scowled. "We don't have time for that. If we don't do something now, he's gonna-" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw FS walking towards Nudge, who had apparently just taken notice of him and looked like she was trying not to pass out. My heart did a pole-vault into my throat.

"No you don't!" I hurled myself into the air, wings snapping out and beating furiously. I got just enough lift to make it to FS; then I tucked them in and dropped, slamming into him in a tackle. He stumbled and hit the ground with a nauseating thwack. "Nudge!" I yelled, drawing back a fist and sinking it into whatever lump of bony flesh I could reach. "Get to the Flock!"

For a second, I didn't think she could hear me: her entire face was pale, and even her snake arm had stopped moving. "Nudge!"

She shook herself. "Y-yeah!" She darted towards the center of the room, towards Angel and the rest of the Flock.

Whether or not she made it, though, I didn't see, because at that moment, FS managed to free a hand and snap his fingers. There was a flash of white light, a sudden pressure around my neck, and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor. I tried to stand up, but something around my neck-

Oh.

Oh hell no.

I reached a hand up, feeling around my neck. Yep. That was a dog collar. I glanced behind me. And there was a leash, sunk into the floor.

"Okay, Schnozz, I think you've gone a bit too far," I chided, digging my fingers and trying to pry the collar off. "Forcing your kinks onto other people is not cool."

FS rose to his feet, swayed for a second, then managed to balance. He grinned a horsy grin that would definitely be making at appearance in my nightmares later. "Talk all you'd like," he sneered. "You can't stop me any more."

I growled (and yes, I was aware of the irony) and managed to get my fingers under the collar. I started tugging, but it wasn't coming off.

FS started walking towards me. "Once I've taken care of you failed wastes of matter, I'll reopen the portal." There was a loud clack clack clack: the plastic soldiers were on the move, marching behind their new demented leader. "I'll conquer the dimension on the other side." He grinned a demented grin, and pointed at me, fingers poised to snap. "But first, I'll kill you!"

I tugged even harder at the collar, trying to stand, but both the collar and the leash were too tough. Come one, come one, come on-

Just as FS was about to snap his fingers, a feathery blur of black and white slammed into his head. His body snapped to the side at an admittedly impressive angle, before flying through the air and skidding across the floor.

I froze where I was, shocked. The blur landed on the ground and straightened out, revealing a familiar (although distinctly more feathery than I remembered) face.

"Hey," Fang said, looking down at me with wide, yellow eyes. "Need a hand?" Behind him, the rest of the Flock was gathered: a slightly singed Gazzy, Nudge and her snake arm, Angel (who still looked like she might cry), Iggy (still wearing the sleeping mask) and an absolutely furious looking Total.

I stared at him, at the black and white feathers and the intense, owl-like eyes. Not a bad look, I thought idly.

I nodded. "Woof."