Hiya all!! Thanks to a whole mass of reviewers for this idea in the time when I have stupid Writers' Block!! Extra choc-chip cookie for you guys!!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Series. However, I do own most of the fan girls, the plot, TDIB, and the muffins and cookies!!
TDIB: Hello! So today, we have the tomatoes and eggs in place –cheers from audience-, so please refrain from targeting each other or me.
Audience: -groans- Awww…
TDIB: So moving on. Today's guest has recently appeared on Oprah making her signature extra large blueberry muffins and werewolf-sized choc-chip cookies. Engaged to her fiancé Serious Sam, please welcome on stage – Muffin Girl Emily!!
-Fans clap as MGE walks on stage wearing a light blue apron, while carrying a large basket and a mixing bowl-
TDIB: Welcome to the show Emily! Do take a seat!
MGE: -half her face smiles- Why thank you! –Sits down and opens up the basket- I made some goodies for you guys especially! –Takes out one gigantic blueberry muffin the size of a coffee mug and a choc-chip cookie that is as large as a saucer- Hope you enjoy them!
Fan Girls: -drools-
TDIB: -looks around the audience- Um…so anyone has a sharp knife?
TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes, Naomirocks, MRAJ and TeamVampire: -shouts- I DO!!
TDIB: -raises eyebrows- Er, I just need one knife…
The Four Girls: -in unison- IT'S OKAY! I GOT IT! –All starts making their way towards the stage at the front-
TDIB: Erm, while we're waiting for the knife, so Emily, when and why did you start baking muffins and cookies?
MGE: -thinking while taking out napkins- Probably just after Sam and I met each other. I was poring through my mum's cookbook because I was bored, and I came across a recipe for the muffins and the cookies, which were my favourite. I was still learning when I started falling for Sam, you know, the accident –points to scars on her face-, and over time, I became better as more werewolves were added under Sam's leadership. Considering the fact that Sam is away so much, baking is the only thing I could do all day that I don't get sick of –sigh-.
TDIB: -smiles- At least you got onto Oprah! Anyway, why are the muffins and cookies so big?
MGE: -laughs- The consequence of feeding werewolves – they have humongous appetites and said that the standard-sized food were too small. It took me a long time hunting for a bigger oven tray and a muffin tray with bigger cups. Now the boys have to take two bites when they eat –laughs-.
TDIB: Okay then. –TeamVampire crawls on stage with a knife in her mouth- Ah! You got a knife! Excellent!
TeamVampire: Do I get Edward Cullen if I give you the knife?
TDIB: What?! No!
TeamVampire: Fine! You don't get my knife then! –Walks off towards MGE and hovers around the basket of food-.
TDIB: Fine then! There are other people here who have a knife, and here they come now! –Points to Naomirocks and MRAJ-
Naomirocks and MRAJ: -together- So can I have Jacob Black? You could have the knife…
TDIB: No, you do not get Jacob if you give me the knife!
Naomirocks and MRAJ: -groans- Okay then. –Walks towards MGE and starts pestering her about Jacob-
–TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes scrambles on stage-
TDIB: (To TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes) You again?!
TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes: Yes me again, now do you want the knife?
TDIB: Yes please! –Reaches out for the knife-
TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes: -takes back knife and whispers to TDIB- Can I have James?!
TDIB: -screams- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO YOU CANNOT HAVE FREAKING JAMES!! (To the four girls) Be reasonable! Just because I interviewed them once or twice, it does not mean I meet them on a regular basis!! Now the first person to give me a knife gets seconds of each of Emily's goodies!
-Dramatic silence-
All of the Audience: I GOT A KNIFE!! –Runs up towards the stage-
TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes: -coolly hands over her knife to TDIB- (To everyone else) Sorry, beat you first! –Cackles-
Everyone else: Awww…
-After an hour of cutting up and distributing baked goods to everyone in the building…-
Fan Girls: -while watching TeamVampire and MRAJ strangle each other over half a cookie- FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
TDIB: (To TeamVampire and MRAJ) Stop fighting right now!! I'm pretty sure you could break that into two and share it with each ot-
TeamVampire: -shouting- EDWARD LOOKS BETTER NAKED THAN JACOB!!
Team Edward Fans: AMEN!!
Team Jacob Fans: BOOOOOOOOOO!!
MRAJ: Nuh uh! JACOB IS SEXIER WITHOUT A SHIRT THAN THAT ALBINO BLOODSUCKER!!
TJF: So true…
TEF: -gags-
TDIB: Oh…so that's what they're talking about…
MGE: -looks worried- (To TDIB) Do they always do that…?
TDIB: Recently…yeah…You might want to go now…
MGE: -nods- Yeah, I'll do that. –Takes now empty basket and mixing bowl and walks quickly away-.
Team Switzerland: -Cackles evilly- Finally…a full-blown wrestling match…
TDIB: STOP THE FIGHT, OR OTHERWISE MIKE WILL RAPE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!
-Another dramatic silence-
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! NOT MIKE!! –Runs towards the nearest exit-
TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes: So…no James?
TDIB: -impatiently- No James…
TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes: Well, since I gave you that knife, I should get James in return, shouldn't I?
TDIB: Two words. Get. Lost…
Another end to another chappie…
Just to tell you guys in advance, next week, not only would be the start of another school term –gasp-, but also I would be on school camp (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!). I'm going to try to get as much fanfics done in the next few days as possible, but next week is going to be all nothing. No appearance on the Internet. No new chapters. No updates. Nilch. I'm just telling you guys now so that I won't be swamped with twenty angry messages demanding the next chapters of my stories.
Next up: Embry!!
Some random fan girl: Do you know that 'Embry' is one 'o' short of 'Embryo'?
Me: …Ewww…