Chapter 25- Take a Great Big Deep Breath
"Jude I know what's going on, it's alright it's going to be alright!"
Jude took a deep breath, tears streaming down her cheeks as he drove.
"T-Timothy I'm loosing our baby! Ha, ow! Ouch!"
Timothy jumped, her scream startling him. He was worried and hadn't had any idea his wife was pregnant until now.
"No, no you're not, think about keeping that baby inside you."
"No, no I can't." Jude found her hand moving toward him and grasping for his. He took it, squeezing it tightly as he drove.
A few hours later Timothy sat back in the same waiting room he'd been in when they'd nearly lost Emma. At the time, Emma had been a much, much bigger baby, fully developed save her lungs and nearly ready to be born. He wondered if this child, so small he had no idea it was there, had a chance at all. Last time he was there he'd waited with other Fathers and this time he was alone. Last time, he wasn't a Father yet and now he wasn't sure if thinking about his other two children was making him feel better or worse about what was happening with Jude. Why hadn't she told him she was pregnant? Perhaps she'd been getting to it, yeah, that had to have been it. She'd been getting to it. Unbeknownst to Timothy, she'd been feeling tired the past few days, and perhaps having a few more food cravings than she was used to, but she'd had no idea she was pregnant until the bleeding started.
"Mr. Howard." Timothy looked up when a nurse called him. "You may see your wife now."
Timothy followed the nurse, not daring to ask her any questions he was too upset for that. Last time the presence of Jude's expectant stomach had told him Emma had survived but this time there would be a lot more guessing work. Timothy didn't know what he was thinking; he couldn't imagine that a baby this tiny would survive something like this. Timothy braced himself, swallowing his own tears and preparing to go and comfort his wife. Jude lye in bed her eyes closed, it was clear that she was resting and he thought she was sleeping for a few seconds.
"Jude my love, it's me." He said carefully.
Jude opened her eyes, and like before outstretched her arms, waiting for a hug from him.
"Oh sweetheart, sweetheart it's alright." He quickly joined her, hugging her as he sat on the side of her bed.
She grasped him tightly, almost seeming to hang onto him and he kissed the top of her head. Jude was exhausted and rested her cheek against his shoulder, allowing him to rub her back and rock her as they hugged.
"Are you alright?" He asked, laying her back in her pillows gently. She nodded. "Jude what happened?"
It had been a harrowing experience for her, mostly because she'd been so filled with sorrow. Jude had been unable to stop sobbing when she was being tended to and it made it difficult for her to be cared for at first. In addition to being distraught over her baby, Jude found that being back in a hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses had overwhelmed her, in fact, it had almost scared her to death. Initially, Timothy had gone in with her. He'd insisted. He hadn't been in the room with her the first time when she'd nearly lost Emma and he'd sworn to himself that he would be there, no matter what if something like that happened ever again.
"Shu, shu don't cry my Jude." Timothy had tried to soothe. He'd tried not to think of the baby and kept his soul focus on his wife. "I've got you, you're alright." He soothed.
Jude's heart pounded fast in her chest and the frenzy of people working very quickly in the midst of her own panic made her head swirl in such a way that she began to grow almost delusional. Jude looked up at Timothy in this state and she didn't see her loving husband, looming over her and trying his best to be of comfort. Instead she saw the Monsignor, standing there, issuing edicts while she lye strapped to the bed, helpless. Within seconds flat, Timothy went from lover to betrayer, and the hospital staff from doctors and nurses to nuns and asylum orderlies…and Timothy knew it too.
"Get out of here you son of a bitch!" Jude sobbed, reaching up to hit him. Timothy shuddered, recalling when she'd once said, 'come back here, you son of a bitch.'
"I'm sorry Mr. Howard, you're going to have to go." One of the Nurses informed him, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from his angry, panicked wife.
"But she needs me I…"
"I know, but sometimes when a patient is like this, particularly when a Mother is in the middle of loosing a baby…"
"Loosing a baby…"
Timothy already knew, he looked back at his wife and didn't know how you would not know. Still, he was still deeply saddened to hear the nurse say it. It was his baby too.
"It doesn't look good." She replied sadly.
And so Timothy was banished to the waiting room where he'd sworn he'd never wait again. Jude, on the other hand hadn't even noticed that he'd gone. Instead, she was focused on the baby.
"No, no please." She gasped amidst her tears. "You've got to save her, she's got to stay inside me, please…"
"We're doing everything we can Mrs. Howard."
Jude sobbed, on top of everything else, she had this deep, profound sense that this baby was not ready to leave her, perhaps she should've seen it as a comfort, but instead, she viewed it as a weight: a crushing blow. What was worse, is that even in her semi-crazed state, the nurses had been keeping her updated on what was happening, and preparing her for what would happen when it was over, whatever it was. The baby would be dead and they had said they might have to take her to surgery to remove what remained of it. Jude had dreaded that, the idea of it's barely formed little body being taken from her, in the place where it should've been safe, in such a savage way: its remains scraped from her insides.
But as it turns out, that's not what happened at all. Now that Timothy sat on her bed with her in his arms, he didn't question her anger toward him in the trauma room, he only wanted to be there for her pain. In the same way, Jude hated the deeply saddened look on her husband's face, and reached out, cupping his cheek in her hand before she began to speak again.
"They stopped the bleeding." She began quietly. "And they found a heartbeat." Timothy couldn't hide his surprise or his joy.
"R-really?" He asked, giving a breathless laugh. "Jude!" He gathered her in his arms again and kissed her. "That's wonderful news! It's a miracle, we're…we're…"
"Timothy. I'm having a baby!" She giggled, knowing he wanted to hear it from her. She smiled, laughing excitedly, making her joy evident to him.
"Darling that's wonderful! It's a miracle!" Timothy was thrilled, partially because he'd wanted to have another baby so much. Even when he'd told Jude he'd changed his mind, it hadn't been the real truth. Instead, he'd only been thinking of her health.
"Yes….a miracle." She said sadly.
"I…but what happened are…" He questioned, and she sighed.
"I'm healthy, I'm fine. This baby is fine…but they said it was like with Emma, my condition is delicate they want me doing very little…"
"Jude that's still wonderful, sweetheart."
"I have ta stay overnight, far observation, but I can go home in the morning."
"That sounds like a good idea." He considered. "I'm just so happy you're both alright, I was so worried about you, I…"
"Timothy they um…" She spoke softly now and looked down at his hand, she was playing with it a little, as she held it in her own. He watched her toy with his hand nervously and wondered what she had to say. "Timothy, they also said it might have been twins and I might have lost one and kept one…" She swallowed nervously. "But we'll don't really know r-right now. It's a theory."
"Oh." He stopped.
The idea of twins never crossed his mind. This saddened him deeply. Four children would've been a bit much, but he would've liked to have, had twins. There was certainly enough help in their house for them to handle twins.
"I know but we don't really know. We could be getting sad over nothing when we really have something to celebrate…all we do know is that there's one baby in there, whose going to be born in eight months….are ya upset with me?"
"No! No honey why would I be upset with you?"
"Far getting pregnant."
"No." He laughed, kissing her forehead. "Getting pregnant is something that is my responsibility as well!" He kissed her forehead. "It's something we did together. Sweetheart a baby is always wonderful news." He smiled, making her feel better somewhere deep inside.
"But we talked about this Timothy; ya changed yar mind after me and ya didn't want me havin' more babies." Jude held her tongue, careful not to confess that she'd wanted this baby and made this happen; at least not just yet.
"No I did not, but I love the baby very much and I'm very excited to have another with you."
"It's the only way I could think ta keep ya with me Timothy, I'm sorry." She started crying, Timothy's face fell as he watched her.
"No! No Jude, don't cry! What are you talking about?"
"Timothy, I was tryin' ta get pregnant." She confessed as she continued to sob. "I thought far sure it would make ya wanna stay with me and…I'm so sorry I…"
"Shu!" He said, pulling her into a hug. "I wanted a baby too, you knew that. I changed my mind because it's what I thought you wanted."
"Oh, oh Timothy." She was relieved and buried her face in his neck as he held her.
"And no matter what, I'll always want to be with you, just with you alone my Jude. You're the only one for me, the only one, but I'm glad you thought this, you know how much I wanted siblings for Emma and now she'll have two!" He smiled brightly. "Best of all, I get to have another beautiful baby with you. You have no idea how much I wanted for you to be the Mother of my child again."
"I wanna give you a little boy."
"Oh yeah, well, I want another little girl." He smiled. Jude didn't realize that on some level, Emma was Timothy's favorite person in the world. "I would love a second son, but I…"
Jude was upset; she wanted to give her husband a son and to have her very own little boy. She should've noted that Timothy wanted a girl last time; before he knew he ever had a son, but she did not.
"A second son?" She questioned. She was saddened by the fact that her son would come after Mary's in his mind.
"He'd be my second son, and I want another baby girl, but whoever is coming, I'll love with all my heart. All of my children will be loved equally and this baby especially, she's survived a whole lot already. Like her Mother." He said, placing his hand on Jude's still flat abdomen. Jude grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly as it rested there. "And besides, I adore everything that comes from you." He smiled. "Everything that is made with your hands, and is given to me by your love, and especially anything we've made together because it shows the world how much I love you." Timothy said, kissing her hands.
"Oh Timothy." She said, biting her lip as she continued to cry, overwhelmed now with the profound sense that she'd been wrong about his not wanting her.
"Oh Jude, I love you." He said, he grabbed the back of her head and leaned his forehead against hers.
….
"Waaaa-aaaaaah!" Emma wailed, her cries sounded more like that of a baby than an older toddler to Mary Eunice, who was doing everything she could to comfort the panicked little girl.
"Here, here honey it's me its Auntie Mary it's okay."
Emma bit on her fingers and looked around nervously as she cried. Little Emma was scared after what had happened to her Mom and was inconsolable. Alexander stood there and watched his baby sister cry. He was scared too, and confused. He liked Jude a lot, but because he was there with his own Mother, he felt comforted and didn't need to cry. Alex felt a lot of sympathy for his sister that he didn't verbalize, somewhere in the back of his mind, he recalled being ripped from his own Mother in a similar way, and while the emotional impact of this remained the same, the memory faded and left the boy confused.
"Mommy!" Emma bawled, beginning to screech again.
Being so small, she had no idea of what was going on. She just knew it was bad. She'd learned that you bleed when you fall down and scrape your knee, or something cuts your finger, or your bunny scratches you…she was terrified of what was happening to her Mother, Jude's cries echoed in her little ears and she was highly alarmed.
"Em, Emma! Look at me, it's alright, it's alright." Emma stopped and looked up at Mary when she grabbed her face. Mary lifted her into her arms and hugged her tight. "It's okay my sweetheart. Mommy's okay she just got an owie, she'll be fine."
"Mommy." Emma mumbled.
Emma had been alright…until she realized her Mother had left the house, and then she burst out crying and hadn't stopped.
"Emma, Emma!" Mary tried to reason. "Emma Howard! You're going to make yourself sick, stop, it's okay, it's okay." She whispered as she rocked her. "There, that's Auntie's girl." She soothed as Emma's cries slowed to a still. "That's my girl." Mary sat on the couch, Emma still in her arms and Alex climbed onto the couch, throwing his arms around his baby sister.
…..
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Emma cried, reaching for Timothy from her place in Mary's arms when he came home.
"Hello my little Emma." He smiled sweetly. Mary noticed he changed his demeanor and expression the moment he took Emma in his arms. "How's Daddy's beautiful little girl?"
Mary watched closely as he hugged Emma. She could tell he was sad and was anxious to know what had happened.
"W-where's Jude?"
"In the hospital, overnight, for observation." He said.
"W-wh…" She tried to ask something else, but Timothy cut her off.
"I'm just here to say good night to Emma, and to get some clothes for Jude…" What she'd been wearing had been destroyed by the blood and had to be discarded. "Then I'm going back to the hospital. Say good night to Auntie Mary and thank her for helping today."
"Oh Timothy you don't need to do that. I love Emma." Emma smiled as Mary kissed the side of her head.
"Good night Mary. And really, thank you so much." Timothy said, taking Emma into her room.
"Where my Mommy?" She asked as he sat down in the rocking chair and wrapped her baby blanket around her.
"Daddy will get to that in a minute." He explained.
He paused, looking around Emma's room, it was the perfect little girl bedroom and he wondered if she'd soon have a roommate. Emma had just gotten a bed, and her crib had been put in the corner instead of taken down, it would work perfectly…if only he knew for sure they'd have a baby to put in the crib in eight month's time.
"Mommy is in the hospital." He explained, he picked up the little snow globe that was on the table next to the rocking chair. Emma began to run her little hands over it as he held it.
"Mommy rock me." She pouted, not really understanding what she'd said about her Mother's whereabouts.
"No, no sweetheart, Daddy will put you to sleep tonight. Mommy has to rest, but I'm sure she'd love to rock you to sleep tomorrow night, okay?"
"Kay."
Emma was nervous and went back to sucking on her fingers. She was much happier, though, in her Father's embrace than anywhere else she'd been all day, his strong arms making her feel comfortable enough to finally get sleepy. Timothy sighed, kissing the top of Emma's head as he looked down at the red bird snow globe he'd given his wife as a gift when she'd been pregnant before, he hoped they'd use it again to calm the baby's kicking in several month's time.
"How about a story, my Princess?" He asked. Emma was already beginning to nod off. She sighed and closed her eyes. Timothy looked down, noticing that she clutched his finger with her tiny hand. "Good night precious." He whispered. "Daddy is comforted by you too."
….
"Um, hi Timothy." Jude smiled, looking up from bed when he came in. She was laying against the pillows and very exhausted. This experience had taken everything out of her: body, mind and soul. "Are those far, me?"
"Yes Mommy, they're for you."
"Mommy." She giggled.
Timothy didn't know she was trying very hard to hold back tears because of the news she'd received when he was gone. He sat on the edge of her bed and kissed her, handing her the roses he'd gotten for her.
"Timothy they're beautiful." She smiled down at them as he tucked her hair behind her ear.
"You always deserve them, but today especially. How are you feeling?"
"Tired."
"Well that's to be expected."
"How was our baby?" Jude asked of Emma.
"She misses Mommy." Jude smiled at this.
"I miss her too." For a number of reasons, she wanted to be with Emma in the worst way right then. "Is she alright? Really, Timothy?"
"She's fine, Mary Eunice has been keeping her calm, and she got off to sleep well…how is our other baby?"
"Good so far, they tried far another heartbeat when you were gone." She said. It was true. The baby was doing very well.
"And?"
"Very strong, just perfect, in fact."
"Wonderful." He kissed her softly, still not picking up on the fact that something was the matter. "When are we due?" She hadn't told him this before.
"Late July."
"A summer baby." He laughed.
"Yes, a summer baby." Jude said, beginning to cry.
"Oh honey, shu, sweetheart, I know it's been a rough day, what's the matter?" He asked, fully getting on the bed with her and taking her in his arms.
"Timothy I lost the baby!"
"W-what?!" He gasped, panicking because he thought she was referring to the healthy baby.
"I lost the baby!" She sobbed, resting her face on his chest. He froze, staring straight ahead and began to run his fingers through her hair.
"Oh Jude…" He kissed her head, deciding he wouldn't ask her to explain. "Sweetheart…" He whispered, stroking her head calmly. He was choked up too but tried not to cry for her sake.
"Timothy when ya were gone….they told me…they told me that…"
"Shu… sweetheart." Timothy was upset that they'd given her news of any sort when he was not on the premises. She was not in the shape for that.
"They told me…what happened earlier…I had a miscarriage Timothy. The other baby, it was a baby after all!" She cried.
Timothy understood now and was shell-shocked; he had been, at first, by the idea of twins. Twins…they would've had baby twins. He hugged her tight as she cried, resting his head on top of hers.
"Here it's okay. It's okay Jude."
"I lost our baby. When it counted and depended on me most."
"Jude…" He wanted to tell her it didn't work that way but decided that listening was better for now.
"When I was where it was supposed ta be safest…I was supposed ta protect it. I'm a horrible Mother. I let our child down, Timothy!" She bawled.
"Jude…Shu, my Jude. You didn't let him down."
"I was supposed ta protect it and I let it die!"
"Shu Jude…it's alright it's not your fault sweetheart." He said. "It's not your fault. There's nothin' ya could've done."
"Oh Timothy, I'm so sorry!"
"Shu, don't be sorry my love."
"I lost yar son, oh Timothy I know it I can feel it he was a boy, our baby boy."
"Shu, it's all alright Jude." He soothed, kissing her head as he cradled her. He'd said he wanted a girl but he also said he'd love any child they'd have, and when she said she was sure they'd lost a son, his heart began to ache. He closed his eyes, feeling helpless as his wife bawled in his arms. "I'm here, for you Jude. Just for you, and you have nothing to be sorry over. I'm sad too, but we'll get through this together, the three of us." Timothy kissed the back of her head as he held her in his arms and began to cry silently.
….
Jude stayed in the hospital overnight, just for observation, and went straight to bed when she went home the next afternoon. She was depressed and didn't even see Emma before Timothy tucked her in. Timothy took the children outside, trying to cheer himself up, and Mary finally got the courage to go into Jude's room and see her.
"Jude…a-are you o…"
Mary was almost shaking as she poked her head in Jude's door. She didn't want to go talk to her but she felt obligated. The two had barely spoken all this time she'd been living there, before Jude started screaming for her help yesterday afternoon.
"Hello Jude." She said, barely above a whisper.
Jude turned to look at Mary from her place in her bed and lowered her head, casting her eyes down toward her clasped hands. Each of her hands gripped the other, grasping in desperation yet seeming to be poised in prayer.
"J-Jude may I c-come in?"
Mary was nervous. She would've been anyway; but now she was afraid she'd caused yesterday's horrible incident, which was, of course. She hadn't done anything, they hadn't been fighting, in fact for once they'd been working together, civilly. But Mary knew her presence must be stressful, and that Jude would never forgive her now if she thought that presence had lead to the loss of her baby. Mary was surprised when Jude nodded once very quickly. She watched the older woman as she sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Jude." Mary put her head down. "A…are you alright?"
"M-my baby…" Jude cried. Mary drew in a deep breath as she observed huge tears streaming down Jude's cheeks. Jude was sobbing and it was obvious she was more than devastated.
"Jude…Jude I'm so sorry. I-I can't begin to…" Mary put her head down, trying to hold back her own tears.
She couldn't stand to look at her friend, her crying reminded Mary of all the things she'd been told she'd done to Jude, abominable things she couldn't recall and could never take back. She really loved Jude and she'd betrayed her in all of the worst ways that one could betray a loved one, including sleeping with her husband.
Jude looked up slowly, turning her gaze to Mary Eunice. She tilted her head, studying her former protégé carefully, watching as she burst out crying too.
"Sister please forgive me!" Mary cried, calling Jude Sister out of habit. Mary dropped to her knees, begging for forgiveness from this woman she loved and respected so much. "After all of the horrible things I've done to you." Mary sobbed. "Oh Jude!"
Jude looked back in shock, now hugging her middle tightly. She was devastated and even though she'd been crying she was trying to keep herself from getting too upset; the main thing on her mind right now was not really the loss of one child, but the hope of the other still nestled safely inside her.
"Mary Eunice." Jude whispered, her own tears had stopped and the younger woman looked back at her confused. "My sweet girl, come here." Mary was dumbfounded when Jude held out her arms for her, much like she would've done many years ago
"J-Jude?" Mary choked on her tears.
"My girl." Jude began, starting to cry again. "You…you don't know what it met far me…far me to have lost you."
Mary smiled slightly, beginning to cry again in acknowledgement of Jude's words. She was afraid to go to Jude, even as she opened her arms to her, but she forced herself to do it anyway; Jude took her in her arms as Mary climbed onto the bed and the two women cried together, hugging each other tightly. Neither realized that Timothy listened from down the hall and was pleased about this.
"Oh Jude! Jude I'm so sorry for everything I've done and I don't even know what I've done."
"Shu, it's alright…" Jude didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to try and forget.
"I love you Jude, I would never want to hurt you…and now the baby and I…"
"The baby has nothin' ta do with ya, it's Timothy's and my fault." Jude was coming to grips with this. "Timothy and I gave that child bad genes Mary it had nothing ta do with ya. It's better this way, he woulda been born sick, Mary." That's what the doctors had told her.
Actually, Jude blamed loss of the child entirely on herself, not on Timothy. It was her age that had caused this horrible fate for her child and she felt irreparably guilty over it. At the same time, she was glad the baby had miscarried now. It was best that it not be born sick and suffer, and that it had not miscarried later when it could've damaged her healthy baby. Jude felt bad for thinking this way, but it was all true.
"I'm still sorry." Mary whispered, sniffling. "For everything. I loved you Jude, and now nothing can ever be the same again." Mary put her head down and Jude took her chin in her hands, guiding it back up to face her.
"No, nothin' can ever be the same again." Jude agreed, bringing Mary Eunice's eyes to meet her gaze. Mary began to cry harder when she said this.
"But that doesn't mean I don't love ya and that ya weren't brought back here far a reason. We can begin again Mary." Mary burst out sobbing when Jude said this, a huge smile spreading across her face this time.
Jude hugged her quickly, feeling her heart swell. Now that she let it, Mary's presence quickly filled a void in Jude's heart she hadn't known was there.
….
A little later that night, Timothy and Jude had both started to feel somewhat better. While they would always remember the baby Jude had lost, they realized they'd rather make peace with the fact that that child was at peace, and do everything they could to support and embrace the baby she still carried, including make it a part of the family before it was ever even born. It was the perfect thing to be thankful for the night before Thanksgiving. It made Jude recall that it had also been Thanksgiving when she'd come home from a similar harrowing hospital trip with Emma still safely inside her.
Emma had been very upset she'd been not allowed to see her Mother when she came home.
"We have to give Mommy some rest." Timothy had explained, whispering softly when he took the children outside earlier in the day.
"Why?" Emma pouted.
"Because she's very tired." He said. "She'll see you later, I promise."
Finally, after dinner, Timothy took Emma to see her Mother. It had been a difficult decision, but they'd decided to explain to her that Jude was pregnant. At first, they thought about waiting a while, to make sure that Jude wouldn't loose this baby too. But Jude had insisted on fully embracing the child and told Timothy she hoped telling Emma would allow them to do that more fully; and that perhaps somehow, all this love for the baby would keep her pregnant even if something else happened.
"Mama!" Emma cried, reaching for her Mother before Timothy ever put her down. She'd been scared to death this whole time, having never been without her Mother for more than a few hours at a time before.
"Hello my Emma!" Jude squealed as Timothy deposited her in his wife's arms.
Emma hadn't seen her Mother in several days and had been upset she wasn't there all that time. It scared her to have to stay with Alex and Mary Eunice but it had also changed her perspective on them. Mary had been very loving to a very panicked Emma and the little girl would love her forever for it.
"Mommy, Mommy, hi!" Emma squealed sweetly as her Mother hugged her.
"Hi my baby Em." Jude giggled. Timothy sat down next to her.
"Emma." Timothy began. "Mommy and I have something we need to speak with you about." Emma looked up at him kind of confused but listened carefully.
"Mommy is going to have another baby Em." Jude couldn't help but laugh. Timothy smiled, kissing his wife's forehead. Emma was confused not only by what they were saying but by her parent's joy. "Here can I see yar baby honey…." Jude asked, of Emma's doll, noting her daughter's confusion.
Emma put her thumb in her mouth as her Mother took her doll.
"See remember how she's your baby and ya're my baby?" Emma nodded.
"Well, there's another baby growing inside Mommy's tummy, right here, see." Jude pat her still flat stomach.
"Dolly!" Emma pointed after a long pause.
"No, no sweetheart, real baby, not like a dolly…like you only much, much tinier."
"She's going to be your baby sister, or maybe another brother…" Timothy paused; thinking this reference to Alex would make Jude mad.
"Yes…like Alex is your brother." Jude decided to add. "And you're his sister…this is yar sister, inside Mommy."
Emma smiled and giggled right away, this settling in for her all of a sudden.
"Siser!" She squealed.
"Yes that's right." Timothy praised. "Sister."
…
It seemed odd to Timothy and Jude that they had a happy Thanksgiving with Mary and the kids, only a matter of hours after such a tragic loss. The day marked the season's first snowfall and the family spent the day inside, the fire ablaze, and the smell of freshly cooked turkey filling the house. More than that, the air of the place, which had been wrought with a near unbearable tension for months, now, had changed completely. Gone was the feeling of imminent violence, it had been replaced with an undeniable sense of harmony that even the children could feel. The whole thing was surreal for Mr. and Mrs. Howard, who found themselves in somewhat of a peaceful quandary. It was all very surreal for them, as if they were in a dream, and while happy, part of them wondered if it was alright for them to be okay.
Mary sat the children on either side of her at dinner, hoping to give Jude and Timothy a rest so they would not have to feed Emma, who still needed a little help with eating. Timothy and Jude sat across from, Mary and the kids, holding hands under the table, even as they dined. Neither had shared this with the other yet, but they felt undeniably closer as a couple after the hell of loosing a baby.
"Timothy." She whispered, taking a bite of her dinner.
He looked up, noticing that Mary was enthralled with the conversation she'd started with the children and couldn't hear what Jude was saying to him.
"Yes love."
"I can feel our baby." She smiled. "And she's really happy ta be havin' dinner with her family too."
Timothy smiled brightly and leaned over without a word to kiss her.
"I'm glad she's having a good Thanksgiving."
"It's the best Thanksgiving Timothy."
"Dadda, Jude, look!" Alex exclaimed, getting out of his chair and excitedly running over to Jude. Timothy looked on closely as his son handed his wife a piece of paper.
"They wanted to make that for the baby." Mary explained.
Timothy and Jude looked over the little drawing that the children had made for the baby, given that they were so little it was mostly scribbles and you couldn't really tell what it was supposed to be a picture of. Despite that, it was obvious they'd been greatly assisted by Mary Eunice, as it clearly said; Welcome Baby, We Love You. Your big brother and sister, Alex and Emma.
"Hi baby siser." Alex giggled, kissing Jude's stomach.
"Now look whose growin' up ta be as sweet as his Daddy." Jude smiled, running her fingers through her stepson's hair. Alex giggled again, smiling up delightfully at Jude.
"Hi baby." He said again, attempting to converse with his tiny unborn sibling, his own voice just a step or two above baby babbling. "How are you?"
"She's too tiny ta talk ta ya honey, but I'm sure she's enjoying Thanksgiving." Jude said.
"Here son, why don't you sit with me?" Timothy said, lifting his boy in his arms.
"Thank ya Alex, and my Em and Mary." She winked and Mary smiled.
"It was all Alex's idea." Mary didn't think she deserved much thanks. Jude leaned over and kissed her stepson's head as her husband settled him into his arms.
"You know." Timothy began, taking a sip of his wine. "We didn't go around and say what we're thankful for."
"I can start." Mary offered. "Mine's easy…first of all, you freed me, you brought me into your home and it took some time, but you accepted me as me again, and you reunited Alex and I and there could be no greater gift than that." Mary said. Jude reached across the table and took her hand, squeezing it lovingly.
"On that same note, Mary I'm happy, that you are part of our family." Timothy began. "I'm living a life I never thought I wanted and yet I'm so extraordinarily blessed, by my beautiful wife, by her love and friendship." Jude blushed. "All the wonderful contributions and incredible company of you, Mary. By my beautiful daughter, the fact that I'm going to be a Father, again and by my son…who I am so blessed to have found." Timothy kissed Alex's cheek, resting his head there for a moment.
"What am I thankful far?" Jude asked. "That I have the life I always wanted. My incredible husband, my Mary Eunice whom I've always loved as my family, ya don't know what it met to have lost ya and likewise." She said to the younger former nun. "Ya don't know what it means ta have ya back." Jude began to tear up. "I love ya both with all my heart." She said to Timothy and Mary. "But more than anything. I am thankful far the one thing I have always wanted, that I've been told far years I'd never have. Children of my own ta love and ta care far." Jude couldn't handle it and she started crying, happy tears now.
"Lub you!" Alex cried, he was confused by Jude's tears and wanted to be sure she was alright.
"Lub you Mommy!" Emma added.
"Oh sweethearts; I love ya too. Happy Thanksgiving."
…
"This will be a happy pregnancy Timothy." She said, he kissed her head as he climbed into bed with her.
"Yes it will." He smiled. "It's an extra special blessing." Timothy outright grinned, he was so glad that this baby had survived, its fragile little existence and the possibility that dwelt within it brought peace to his soul. "Shall we pray, Jude?" He asked, taking her hand. They'd said a prayer in thankfulness for the baby at dinner, but now that they were alone, in private, they wanted to do it again.
"Yes Timothy. Of course." She squeezed his hand as he took it in his own. They paused for a moment, just liking the feeling of holding each other's hands.
"Father, we thank you for your marvelous gift; you have allowed us to share in your divine parenthood. During this time of waiting, we ask you to protect and nurture these first mysterious stirrings of life." Timothy did not see that Jude clutched her stomach tightly. "May our child come safely into the light of the world and to the new birth of Baptism. Mother of God, we entrust out child to your loving heart. Amen."