Solipsism

Jack: Doctor Whisperer

"What's going on?" I ask. "And don't tell me we need to talk."

Wil smiles and then laughs, "Okay, I won't. How are you, Jack?"

"Um, confused?"

"Why?"

"I really don't understand what's happening here." I'm trying my best not to whine, but despite my best intentions I hear that irritating bleating quality creeping into my voice.

"Is it important for you to know?"

"Well, yeah, it is." I walk toward her and thrust out my arms sort of theatrically. "What's the point of this? First Rose, now you?" I feel myself frowning. "What is this, a class reunion?"

She laughs again and her green eyes sparkle. I feel… well, do I need to tell you how I feel? I love the woman. I've missed her, body and soul. Especially body. I want to jump her bones but I'm also scared half out of my wits of her. Of this…

"No, it's not a class reunion," she answers. "But what's with the song? I mean, Jack, Christina Aguilera? Come on!"

I'm blushing. "Yeah, I know… pretty lame isn't it?" I can't help but laugh at myself.

She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. "Nah… it's not that lame. It's a good song, and I really like Elvis Costello's cover of it…"

There's a brief pause but then she gestures at the table and continues. "So are you going to sit down or what?"

Reluctantly I pull out a chair and sit down. I have to rearrange the spacesuit to make it more comfortable and that takes me the better part of half a minute. When I finish I look at Wil, who's been watching me studiously.

"Nice spacesuit," she says approvingly, "looks bleeding edge. Quantum semi-conductive fibers?"

I look down at myself and then back up at her and nod. "The suit is more alive than some people I know. It can emulate a broad spectrum of materials in response to ambient conditions. It's incredibly smart and responsive. And surprisingly comfortable." I realize I don't want to give her the wrong impression so I add, "By the way, it's The Doctor's, not Torchwood's."

"Right," she's suddenly looking at me pensively, "the two of you?"

"We're traveling together. Just traveling together." Suddenly I feel nearly overcome, "Wil…?"

"Yes Jack?"

"Why did you leave me?" There's anger in my voice. Quite rightly, too, I might add.

"Oh Jack..."

I can tell she doesn't want to answer me, she's got that evasive look, and it makes me even angrier.

"No, really," I hiss. "I need to know. Why. Did. You. Leave. Me?"

She leans forward and steeples her hands on the table in front of me. "Jack, I have things to do. Things I need to do. They don't, they can't involve you." She shakes her head and it infuriates me.

"What do you mean? That's not an answer. I have things to do, too. Things I need to do. And everything I wanted and needed to do included you. Wil, I love you. I had plans… I had plans for us. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to make babies with you. Do you know how long it's been since I felt that way? Do you know how long it's been since I loved anyone as much as I loved you? Do you know how long it's been since I trusted someone as completely as I trusted you?"

She reaches for me but I pull back. There's incredible sadness on her face, in her eyes. I'm hurting her – I know it – but there's no stopping me now. I'm enraged.

"You still haven't answered my question!" I half-yell, half-cry.

She lowers her voice, it's barely above a whisper, "Jack… do you remember?" she looks away from me and her voice cracks, "do you remember the first time I left you, the message I left for you?"

I calm myself and stretch my memory back. Of course I remember it. How could I forget? She hurt me then, too.

"Do you really want to bring that up right now?"

She nods, "Yes, I do. Do you remember what I told you?"

"You mean when you invited me to look you up in a couple of billion years?"

She smiles at me, "Well, I did say that, to be sure. But no, not that part. The other part… the part about him."

I lean forward. I know who she's talking about. "You told me to keep an eye on him."

She reaches for me again; this time I allow her take my hand between hers. Her touch is electric and I stifle a small gasp. I want her so badly it hurts.

"Yes I did. He's important Jack…"

"You're important!"

"He's important, Jack. You need to keep him safe."

I move my other hand to her hands and now we're leaning close to each other, our fingers intertwined, and our foreheads only inches apart. "I know, and I do."

"Then what are you doing here, Jack? Why didn't you listen to yourself, to your better judgment? You shouldn't be here, Jack. Neither of you should be here."

I shake my head, "I know, I know. He's a hard man to say no to."

"You need to learn Jack. He'll listen to you. He always has and always will. You need to learn to say no to him, and you need to start now."

I smile. "Doctor Whisperer."

She laughs. Still clinging to her hands I stand up and move to her side of the table. She stands up and I take her in my arms and kiss her deeply. "Don't leave me again. I need you," I murmur after finally I come up for air. Then I close my eyes and kiss her again. I feel her body pressing into mine and I feel my reaction to her, my urgent tumescence. I push her hard against the edge of the table; I want her, right here, right now. I want her and by the gods I'll have her.

And then she's gone and…

Don't tell me you're surprised.