Edward's POV
"So, what's up with your girlfriend? Doesn't she talk?" Derek asked me as I unlocked the door to me and Bella's apartment. Bella was still at work, she'd practically shoved me out onto the street to make me take Derek home and show him around.
"I'll be fine. I'll be home a little after nine." She'd written. I was a little worried about this fallback with her talking, but there wasn't much I could do. She would get used to Derek after a while, right?
"Sort of." I answered him. "But don't be surprised or offended if she doesn't talk to you much." I added, opening the door and dropping my keys on the table.
"Why?" he asked, sounding a little confused. I sighed. Derek never could let things lie.
"It's not my story to tell, okay?" I hoped that he'd leave it be after that, and he did. I could tell he still wanted to know, but that was just too bad for him. I had an idea of how much trouble I'd be in if I told him without Bella's permission. Sleeping on the couch? Or, sleeping in the hall? I thought the latter would be more suiting, and I didn't like either of them.
I gave Derek the tour of the house, ending with the kitchen. He stopped in front of the fridge and looked over the pictures.
"Who's that?" he asked, pointing at the picture of me and Adele on Christmas morning. I opened the fridge and got out a couple cokes, passing one to Derek before answering.
"That's Adele. She's Bella's little girl." I answered, opening my soda. I knew Derek would probably want a beer, but I didn't have any. Bella was the one buying groceries now, and she wasn't old enough to buy it, and I didn't like it enough to go on a special trip to get it. He stared at me with raised eyebrows.
"She has a daughter? She can't be more than twenty one." He said in a disbelieving tone.
"Actually, Bella is nineteen." I pointed out, staring at a picture of her. Derek whistled.
"Damn. I knew she was younger than you, but not that young." He commented.
"Alright, well, I told Bells I would bring dinner, so....We'll be home a little after nine. Help yourself to anything in the fridge." I said, tossing the soda can into the trash and walking out the door. That was when I noticed that Bella hadn't taken her jacket when she left that afternoon. Perfect, I had an excuse now.
I walked out of the apartment and out into the street, thinking. I'd really changed a lot since the last time I'd seen Derek. Or...had he changed? Had we both? I thought that the last was probably the most likely. I wasn't watching where I was going and accidentally bumped into someone. The man yelled at me to watch where I was walking, then flipped me off before I could even open my mouth to start to apologize. For a moment I considered yelling back at him, but then I burst out laughing as I saw that he was holding the hand of a little girl.
I pushed open the door to the bookshop a few minutes later. Bella's eyes flew up to meet mine. She frowned.
"What are you doing back here?" she asked, sounding a little angry. No. Angry was bad. I held up the jacket.
"You left it at the apartment. And Derek kinda wanted some time on his own." I told her, leaning against the edge of the counter. A little white lie wouldn't hurt, and I didn't want to tell her the real reason why I left. Her frown softened and she smiled a little.
"I'm glad you came back." She admitted, blushing a little.
Bella's POV
He walked around to the other side of the counter to hug me and I held out my arms to him. He hugged me tightly, but no so tight that he crushed me, then picked up my writing board and plopped down in his chair. I froze. I'd written, to myself, my complaints on it, and hadn't erased it yet. Great. This was just what I needed tonight. I watched him as he read it, a slight frown on his face.
"Bells..." he started, glancing between me and the stupid marker board. I snatched it out of his hands and quickly erased everything I'd written with a tissue. It didn't really matter though. The damage was done already.
"Bella, you've only known him for what, an hour? And been with him for ten minutes? How can you already think this badly of him?" Edward asked, his voice a mix of disappointment and disbelief. I knew that under it, he was slightly angry, and I was a little scared. It made me unable to speak, to my dismay, so I picked up one of the markers next to me on the counter.
"Bad vibes. They're real, not just something that hippies made up when they were high." I wrote, my hand shaking imperceptibly, but it showed in my writing. It was even messier than it usually was. I wondered if he would notice as I handed it to him. I saw that he still frowned, a little more than he had before, as he took it. His eyes scanned the line quickly, and the corners of his mouth twitched, just a little bit, before he was frowning again.
"I guess I'll have to live with that. He'll only be around for a few days anyways. And It's not like I'm expecting you two to be best friends or anything." He said, sounding a little absent minded. I took back my voice, A.K.A my marker board, and wrote one word.
"Okay."
He looked at me, his bright eyes holding mine. They were confused, and hurt. The hurt made them even more breathtaking than they always were, but he didn't say anything else.
We didn't really say much after that little "conversation." He went to go pick up dinner after a little while, and we ate in silence. I was getting more anxious as every silent second ticked by. By the time it was closing time, I was on the edge of hysterics.
"Why don't you like Newton?" Brandon asked as he drove us back to his house after school. I shrugged.
"He kind of annoys me. It's like he won't leave me alone." I said as he pulled into his drive way. I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me. Suddenly, Brandon was next to me. I hadn't even known he could move that fast. He was holding my arm too tight, his fingers sure to leave bruises.
"Well, he's my friend, so he's your friend too, got it?" he said in an even tone, anger barely breaking through his voice. I nodded meekly and he let me go, giving me a subtle shove forwards, one that someone walking by wouldn't notice. Not expecting it, I fell forwards, my hands shooting out to break my fall. My palms were scraped, and my knee throbbed.
He's having a bad day. I told my self, pushing my self up onto my feet again. He was already unlocking the front door. He told you about how he's having trouble with his history, remember? If he fails the next test he's off the basketball team. I reminded myself, justifying his actions in my mind. I wasn't even sure if he'd pushed me, really. I'd probably tripped over my own feet again.
A few minutes later, up in his room, he leaned forward and kissed me gently.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, really. I had a bad day." He told me.
It was the same every time. And I excepted it every time. I'd eaten the lie, and I'd known it too. I looked around. Edward and I were already halfway back to the apartment by now.
"Are you angry at me?" Edward asked me, stopping suddenly. It was then that I noticed we weren't touching at all, my hands jammed in the pockets of the letterman's that he'd given me, his arms hanging loosely by his sides.
"You're angry at me." I said softly, letting a little of my nervousness, and my sadness from the latest memory seep into my voice. People were moving all around us, walking by us on every side, paying no mind to us. We were islands in the stream.
Edward's feature's softened, his entire body slumped, and the fire that fueled his eyes seemed to go out. Then, without warning, he stepped forward and hugged me, hugged me very tightly.
"No." he said, his voice relieved and sad. "No, never. Never, Never."
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When we got home, Derek was watching TV, well, he was flipping, stopping on a channel for ten seconds then moving on. His feet were up on the coffee table, and he had a bag of potato chips next to him. Edward plopped down next to him.
"I'm going to take a shower." I signed to Edward. I just couldn't make myself speak. Edward's signing lessons were going very well. He had a very large vocabulary by now.
"Okay. We'll probably still be down here." He answered, flashing me my favorite crooked smile. It was impossible not to smile back before I turned and walked up the stairs.
"What'd she say?" I heard Derek ask. Edward answered and I heard the rustle of the chip bag. I went into me and Edward's room and locked the door behind me. It felt kind of weird to me, showering while someone else was in the house. I dug out my regular PJs, a blue cotton tee-shirt, and a pair of Edward's boxers. He'd laughed the first time I'd worn them, but insisted on it.
"I like it. You're so cute in my clothes." He'd told me, smiling his crooked smile, his eyes twinkling. But, it was different tonight. It wasn't just me and Edward in the apartment. So, I grabbed a pair of my pants to wear over them for now.
I got into the bathroom and started the water, waiting for it to warm up, and looked around the bathroom. Was it just me, or had my shampoo bottle been on the other side of the shower this morning? I bit my lip, then shook my head. Maybe Edward had moved it. Or, I was just going crazy. What did it matter anyways? It was a shampoo bottle.
Thirty minutes later, I walked downstairs, rubbing my hair with a towel. I had a feeling I would be going to bed early tonight.
I sat down in the easy chair, criss cross, and started on combing my hair out. I smiled when I noticed what Derek had finally stopped on, it seemed. Re-runs of "Boy Meets World." A good episode too. I was engrossed in the show; I hadn't watched this in ages, when I felt eyes on me. I turned my head, and just caught Derek looking away hurriedly. Edward's eyes were on the TV. I shivered, suddenly cold. Why had Derek been staring at me? I stood up, not interested in the show anymore.
I'm tired. I'm going to bed now." I signed, and waited for Edward to translate. He did, and then added that he was getting tired too. It was almost 10:30 by now anyways.
"Okay. Night. Oh, and thanks again for letting me crash here." Derek said, glancing at Edward as he stood up, then at me, his eyes lingering a little longer on me.
"No problem." Edward said, while I nodded shyly.
Edward followed me up the stairs and into our room. When we were inside I pulled off the pants I was wearing over his boxers. Before he fully registered all of what I was doing, Edward's eyes popped out a little. I snickered, rolling my eyes.
"Nope. Sorry." I told him, my voice still a little softer than usual. I folded the pair of pants I'd been wearing before and opened one of the drawers in our shared dresser to put them away, and frowned. I hadn't noticed before, but it seemed like the clothes were a lot messier than they'd been before. I shrugged it off and stuffed the pair of pants in anyways.
Edward's arms snaked around my waist from behind, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. I smiled without really realizing it; it was the natural reaction to Edward. I turned around in his arms, and he kissed me, softly at first, but then...we got caught up. I tangled my fingers in his hair, and his hands slid down to my waist. I wasn't fighting to keep back the flashbacks, like usual, in fact...I wasn't really even thinking at all, to tell the truth. One of his hands rested on my stomach, and I didn't panic. He kissed me more slowly now, concentrating on taking things slowly, not making any unexpected moves. After a moment, he'd pushed my shirt up past my belly button, and his hand was on my bare stomach. It felt like it was burning my skin, but I didn't mind. I was proud of myself. He pulled away, resting his forehead against mine now, his hand still on my stomach.
"Are you alright?" he asked, trying to catch his breath, like I knew I was. We'd forgotten to breath, it seemed. I nodded. I was holding everything back...barely. I knew it would take practice.
"I think that's far enough for tonight, though." I said, still not moving, my eyes closed. Edward chuckled softly.
"Far enough for tonight." He repeated. I could tell that he was proud of me too. "I love you, Bella."
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I lay awake, looking up at the ceiling. It was two in the morning, and I'd just woken up from a repeating nightmare. I sighed. Today I'd taken one step forward, and two steps back, it seemed. Fortunately, I hadn't screamed like I usually did, so both Edward and Derek were still sleeping soundly. I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep soon, so I thought.
In my mind, Edward "testing the waters" was both good and bad. Good, because, well, I wanted to be with him. I didn't want to have panic attack if Edward accidentally touched me the wrong way, and when he started testing things, I got more comfortable with him. Bad, because before too long, we'd have to have the talk. The one where we had to discuss where we stood on sex, and all that good stuff. I was not looking forward to that.
I thought about all the things that I had to do before Adele came. We had to stock up on toys and movies; most of her stuff was staying at my mom's for when she visited. I started making a mental list. Movies- The Lion King, Monster's INC, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella....
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"Bella..." a voice said in my ear. I groaned and smacked the person with the back of my hand. There was silence, beautiful silence for a single moment...then roaring laughter. I opened my eyes. Edward was laughing, tears streaming down his cheeks as he cradled his nose. I gasped, suddenly wide awake, and clapped my hands over my mouth. From the room at the end of the hall, I heard a faint,
"Edward! Shut up!" Apparently Derek wasn't a morning person either. I sat up and yawned, stretching. It was a new day, and hopefully I'd gain those two steps back.
Ugh. I can't believe how long it took me to get that chapter out. Sorry!!
And, that little bit with our dear Edward "Testing the waters" was sooo weird for me to write. Was it okay? I'm a little anxious about that bit.
So...thanks to all of y'all who reviewed!! you're amazing =)
Okay, a lot of you voted NO to the name change. Why are y'all so opposed to the name change? Why is the title "Speechless" so great? To tell the truth, it was just a temporary name when I started this fic. I couldn't think of anything else at the time.
Something that I need to clear up. That song that I said was for the last chapter? I forgot to mention that that was supposed to be "Bella's Lullaby." At least, for me, it is. Oops! Well, you know now =)
Now...I need sleep. Review, my darlings, review!