Sorry guys; no BoT today - I was so busy just hammering out the final chapters of this story, and its backup is completely done! That's a huge load off of my mind. BoT will be back next week!

Chapter 23

"The worst thing, I think," Tigerstar went on, "Is that you knew before I did."

Tinyclaw sat, stunned – but Tigerstar's words broke through the haze of affirmation. "You… didn't know they were your kits?" he asked in disbelief. All this time Tinyclaw had figured Tigerstar was being distant and snappy because his secret was being prodded at like hostile prey – but Tigerstar hadn't known?

Tigerstar sighed. "Tell me what you know, Tinyclaw," he offered, "and I'll fill in the gaps."

Tinyclaw frowned. Though he had apparently known Tawnypelt and Brambleclaw's true father, he didn't know much beyond that. "Goldenflower told me that her kits had a ThunderClan father while her firstborn, Swiftclaw, didn't. She said it didn't seem like any other cat knew."

Tigerstar's gaze softened. "I… I was a fool," he murmured. "She could have ruined me, destroyed me – but she didn't. Oh, Goldenflower…"

He took a deep breath, then meowed, "Since you know, there's no point in hiding it from you. Goldenflower and I were mates… much like Silverstream and Graystripe."

"But why?" Tinyclaw wondered. This was his leader – the paramount of the warrior code! "How could you break the warrior code?"

Tigerstar's eyes flashed. "One doesn't always choose who they fall in love with," he replied frankly. Tinyclaw frowned, but kept his jaws shut.

"I suppose you want to know the whole story," Tigerstar decided. He settled into his nest. Tinyclaw only nodded. Tigerstar sighed and meowed, "Very well."

It took him a moment to collect his thoughts – recalling how old Tawnypelt and Brambleclaw were, they must have been born some time ago. When Tigerstar finally did speak, his eyes were far off in memories and his tone was certain:

"My warrior name was Tigerclaw," he began. "I wanted nothing more than to serve my Clan, in any way possible – but I was bitter and angry. My father had left the Clan to become a kittypet, and it made me even more determined to do anything to prove I was nothing like him."

"A kittypet!" Tinyclaw breathed.

Tigerstar nodded. His eyes sparkled with irony. "Yes, a kittypet," he chuckled. "Don't give me that look, Tinyclaw – I did not resent you for being a kittypet. By the time you and I met that part of me was gone, and I was a much different cat.

"Now… Goldenflower was older than I, but not by much – and she and her mate had separated. Her son was an apprentice at the Gathering where we met… and even with her maturity Goldenflower was still young – as was I.

"We were foolish, sneaking away whenever we could to meet and talk and laugh. At first it was friendship," Tigerstar offered, "but it grew into something more. I was hesitant to begin a relationship with a cat who'd had a mate before, but I loved her and that was something more powerful than I'd ever known. When she said she loved me, I felt as if the stars had aligned and StarClan had blessed us – it was destiny to me."

Tinyclaw kneaded his paws, drinking in the story. He pictured a young Tigerstar with a young Goldenflower, sitting together with their tails twined. The image flickered to Graystripe and Silverstream, and Tinyclaw was not foolish enough to ignore the parallel.

"Things happened so quickly then, one after another," Tigerstar sighed. "Our deputy Tawnyspots was sick and our leader, my former mentor Thistlestar, wanted me to take his place – but I was uncertain. I wanted to be with Goldenflower, wanted her to be a part of ThunderClan… but I could never be deputy if that happened."

"Was there no one else?" Tinyclaw wondered.

"Yes," Tigerstar told him. "Sunfall, a clever warrior – but he was ambitious, and dangerous. I could see it where no one else could… and an incident with him caused me to take up the position simply so that he would not take over the Clan. Whether I wanted it or not, Sunfall being leader of this Clan, sitting where I am sitting now… things would be different."

Tinyclaw shivered at the thought of another cat sitting here besides Tigerstar. He could hardly think of it. Privately he wondered what sort of incident had happened between Tigerstar and Sunfall – but now was not the time.

"Besides," Tigerstar chuckled half-heartedly. "Our medicine cat said I had a great destiny! Who wouldn't do whatever they could to fulfill such a promise?"

He shifted again in his nest. "With my young mind I came up with a plan – when I was leader, I could invite Goldenflower into the Clan. A Clan leader's word is law, and no one could question me! So it came that I had to give Goldenflower my news – but she came with news of her own."

"Kits," Tinyclaw guessed.

"Yes," Tigerstar affirmed. His eyes turned dark. "I… didn't believe they were mine."

Tinyclaw's ears pricked in shock.

"Goldenflower had had a mate before," Tigerstar reminded him. "They were still close though they weren't mates anymore, for the sake of their son. Though she was speaking I could only hear betrayal – I could only think that she was simply using me to recover, so that she and her old mate could get back together… So I ended things with her."

"J-Just like that?"

Tigerstar nodded gravely. "Just like that."

Tinyclaw's pelt prickled. He imagined a young, heartbroken Tigerstar and Goldenflower, their StarClan-blessed relationship over in just a moment. How quickly such happy things could end, and how painfully!

"I was bitter for so long," Tigerstar sighed. "Two cats I had cared for had betrayed me, I felt. I was blind to the signs – the Gathering after we broke up, RiverClan's leader announced that Goldenflower's former mate had died of greencough. I didn't even look at her that night.

"When she had given birth to her kits, her son Swiftclaw came to me and told me their names," Tigerstar recalled. "Bramblekit and Tawnykit."

"You didn't know why?" Tinyclaw wondered.

"Deep down I think I did," Tigerstar admitted, "But by then I wanted nothing to do with Goldenflower or her kin, so I sent him away. I didn't even think as to why he'd told me them in the first place. To spite me? Who knew – I was deputy, with more important matters to deal with."

Tigerstar's eyes narrowed. "And then you… you came to me with the news of half-ThunderClan kits and it… it brought it all back to me, like a blow," he growled. He shook his great head. "I was such a bitter fool!"

It was silent for a moment. The story settled in the air like dust, the words mingling with the moss on the sandy floor. Finally, Tinyclaw meowed, "Thank you for sharing this with me."

Tigerstar nodded. "I trust you, Tinyclaw," he decided. "You will not reveal my secrets."

"But what will happen now?" Tinyclaw wondered. "To Silverstream and Graystripe, and the kits?"

"The kits have done nothing wrong," Tigerstar replied with certainty. "But Silverstream and Graystripe… I am not sure. Perhaps…? Perhaps this time I can do better."

Tinyclaw swallowed.

"I'm sure you understand by now, Tinyclaw," Tigerstar meowed. "There are no right choices."

His words struck Tinyclaw, and suddenly the small black cat seemed to feel the weight that Tigerstar felt. All the Clan's expectations, hopes, dreams – all on his shoulders, and his alone. Every choice he made could make or break the Clan, and this meant becoming a leader was a great sacrifice that not every cat could manage.

"I understand," was all Tinyclaw could manage.

Graystripe was sitting outside the medicine cat's den as the sun sank in the sky. The gray tom was peering through the ferns, watching Yellowfang and Brackenpaw move about inside. When Tinyclaw approached, Graystripe jumped.

"Sorry!" Tinyclaw offered. He settled down beside Graystripe. "How's Silverstream?"

"Yellowfang insists she'll be fine," Graystripe sighed, "but I just…"

Tinyclaw pressed his pelt against his friend. After hearing Tigerstar's story, and seeing just how much Graystripe loved Silverstream with his own eyes, he understood.

"Did Yellowfang kick you out?" Tinyclaw guessed.

"Brackenpaw, actually," Graystripe admitted sheepishly. Tinyclaw's ears pricked in surprise as his friend went on, "He snapped at me for disturbing his nap – that cat's getting more and more like Yellowfang, and I'm not sure it's a good thing."

Tinyclaw offered, "They need their privacy, you know."

"I do," Graystripe sighed heavily. He gave Tinyclaw a pleading look. "Silverstream is really hurt, Tinyclaw – you'd be pacing around too if it were Sandstorm in there."

Tinyclaw bit back his usual snap of protest. Instead, he nudged Graystripe and offered, "Let's go see your kits – I'm sure Silverstream will want news when she gets better."

Graystripe's eyes shone. "Can we?" he wondered.

Tinyclaw nodded. "Bluefur is nursing them."

Graystripe's eyes darkened. "Oh," he muttered. "I… I wouldn't be welcome, I think. The whole Clan's done nothing but whisper about me behind my back, and…"

"Let them," Tinyclaw said. "Gossip is gossip, after all."

"Gossip still hurts," Graystripe reminded him. "I… It's clear I'm not wanted here, isn't it?"

Tinyclaw flicked his tail. "Enough of this," he insisted. "We're going to see your kits!"

Before Graystripe could protest, Tinyclaw nudged him to his paws and pushed him towards the nursery. Though Tinyclaw was smaller he made a point of standing between Graystripe and the groups of cats gossiping in every corner of the Clan – to get to him, they would have to go through Tinyclaw.

"Tinyclaw!"

Tinyclaw and Graystripe stopped as Sandstorm approached. Her pale pelt was lit like flame, her green eyes sparkling as she looked at Tinyclaw. "Want to share some fresh-kill?" she wondered.

"Sure," Tinyclaw agreed. "We're just going to see Graystripe's kits first."

Sandstorm's eyes darkened. "Oh," she mumbled. She looked away. "I'll… see you in the den, then."

Graystripe sighed as she walked away. "See?" he fretted. "They hate me, Tinyclaw. They don't want me around, and I…"

"Enough!" Tinyclaw insisted again. He meowed, "I want you around! You know how things go, Graystripe – it'll take time for all of this to blow over. But it won't be long!"

Graystripe's ears flattened as he looked out at the Clan. "I don't know, Tinyclaw…" he murmured. "I don't think anyone will forget this."

Tinyclaw and Graystripe continued on towards the nursery, their steps slow with thought. Tinyclaw kept close to Graystripe, his friend's words repeating over and over again in his mind.

No, Graystripe, Tinyclaw thought. I'm right, all right? This will all blow over – give it a half-moon. It will be done and over with and no one will look at you like a traitor.

… Right?