Jokes, Cliches, and Metaphors
Chapter 25: Stupid Tyson

Kohari: I still don't remember what it was I had planned. So I'm gonna just gonna keep it rolling. Once again, most of these jokes are credited to bored. com.

Kai had gotten annoyed with Tyson and given him back to Grandpa to train.

"So how stupid would you say Tyson is?" Max asked everyone.

"He's a few cards short of a full deck," Ray answered.

"I think he's a few clowns short of a circus," Kenny replied.

"A few fries short of a Happy Meal," Max added. (A/N: I do not own McDonald's. I don't even like McDonald's. They're mean to chickens!!! And that stuff you think is ice cream...that's not ice cream. For more information read the book "Chew On This." I can't remember the author's name right now, but everyone should read that book.)

"He's a few dice short of a Monopoly game," Kai joined in.

"What else to do we have to say about Tyson and his stupidity?" Max encouraged them.

"He has a face that was bred for radio," Ray said.

"I said stupidity, not ugliness," Max told him.

"I know," Ray replied. "I just wanted to say that."

"Can't argue with that," Max concluded. "Anyways, let's carry on."

"He's got a black-and-white mind working in a color-coded world," Kenny continued.

"He has a great deal of pride, but he has very little to be proud of." (Kai)

"He's a gross ignoramus - he's 144 times worse than your typical ignoramus." (Kenny)

"Quit hoggin' the dis!" Max complained. "It's my turn to trash Tyson!"

"Then hurry up and trash him so I can verbally bash him!" Ray rushed him.

"Aliens zapped Tyson with a stupidity ray - Twice!"

"I think he's a statue in world of pigeons," Ray said.

"He's a Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body." (Kenny)

"He has a photographic memory with no film and the lens cap glued on," Kai whipped out two cliches.

"He's a poor excuse for protoplasm," Kenny agreed.

"A minefield of information," Ray added.

"He's the perfect argument for birth control." (Max)

"He had all his eggs in the same basket, and he tripped and fell early in the game." (Ray)

"All of his bytes are odd," Kenny said.

Silence.

"Did anybody out in the audience understand what that meant?" Max asked, confused.

"I didn't get it either," Ray sympathized with him.

"Okay. Whatever. Keep it going!"

"He's all show and no go," Kai continued.

"If you ask me, I think when he was a baby, he got deprived of a little too much oxygen," Kenny suggested.

"He's just a bit behind the 8-ball." (Max)

"Both of his oars are in the water, but they're on the same side of the boat." (Ray)

"He's too easily outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff." (Kai) (A/N: No own)

"The guy cheats when he fills out opinion surveys!" Max cried out.

"He couldn't count to 21 if he was barefoot and without pants." (Kai)

"Was that statement kid-friendly?" Ray wondered aloud.

"Who cares?" Max butted in. "We were talking about Tyson having diarhea of the mouth and constipation of the ideas."

"That was...an interesting choice of words," Kenny said.

"I think we're being too hard on him, guys. I mean, come on, Max, cut him a break," Ray began. "He's from Uranus!"

"That's no excuse for driving down the road of life with the sun shield still up!" Max protested.

"But it would explain why he's a fruit waiting for a cake to happen," Kai butted in.

"He's more like evidence of the theory of evolution - he proves that dinosaurs once had tiny brains." (Kenny)

"I think his whole family was the control group." (Max)

"Either that or he fell outta the family tree," Ray added.

"Here's the real reason, you guys!" Max got their attention. "A fog rolled in on the day he was born."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"A bit of it never rolled out."

"Well, Tyson's elevator still doesn't go all the way to the top floor," Kenny said.

"I will say this about him," Ray stated, "he has a mind all his own."

"That's probably because nobody else wanted it," Kai pointed out.

"Well, God ran outta good ones," Max guessed, "so he had to substitute a peanut for Tyson's brain."

"I don't even think that's the case," Kenny contradicted him. "There's nothing in that head of his."

"He should post a sign on his head saying 'Space for Rent'," Ray suggested.

"No, he's got a mind in there," Kai assured them. "In fact, he has two. One's lost, and the other's out looking for the lost one."

"I'm kinda worried about the lost one, guys," Max admitted. "It's too small to be out on its own."

"Both of them are," Kenny agreed.

"He seems to be having a party going 24/7 in his head, but nothing seems to be dancing," Ray observed.

"That would explain why he randomly breaks into song sometimes and begins trying to tap-dance like the penguins on 'Happy Feet'," Max said. (A/N: Again, I don't own the copyrights or anything. But I love that movie!)

"The keyword there is try. He certainly can't." (Ray)

"What do you expect from someone whose ancestors came here in search of bananas?" Max asked.

"Guys," Kenny interrupted. "Tyson's family had a very important function in history."

"What was that?" Ray was curious to know.

"Their IQ levels were the reason mathematicians discovered negative numbers."

"Yeah, he's so dense, the Titanic wouldn't have sunk if it had been floating in his head." (Max)

"It wouldn't have hit anything in there big enough to cause it any problems," Ray reminded him.

"Give him some credit," Kai demanded. "He's not a complete idiot, at least."

"What makes you say that?"

"Some parts are missing."

"We're being mean, you guys," Max stopped them for a minute. "Tyson's going through a tough time right now."

"The toughest time he's having is putting up with Grandpa's training," Ray argued.

"He's being taken to court," Max informed him.

"Why?" Kenny asked.

"His brain's suing him for neglect."

"He should countersue for non-support," Kenny suggested.

"That's gonna be hard, considering his spirit-guide is rumored to be a three-toed sloth," Ray observed.

"If ideas were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage," Kai went back to the original topic.

"Well, there is at least one way in which he's luckier than we are," Max pointed out.

"What's that?"

"He never gets sick."

"I don't get it." (Ray)

"Diseases can't exist in a vacuum," Kenny explained the joke.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Tyson wandered into the room.

"Nothing," everyone chorused.

Kohari: Here's something to wonder about - are they trying to avoid telling Tyson they were bad-mouthing him or are they referring to his intelligence/status? Anyways, there are a whole lot more of these if you check out that site I keep telling you about.

Note: Not proofread.