Surprised by Joy

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

~ C.S. Lewis

"She drove a shard into my heart. After that I grew cold and couldn't ever seem to get warm. It never hurt, but it was terrible all the same." Eustace bowed his head, wrapping his arms around his knees, then he looked up into the golden face of Aslan. "Why does it hurt now? Why is there such a raw pain in my heart?"

"She planted Anger and Bitterness in your heart, it was a fertile plane for it," Aslan bent his head and looked into his eyes. "But, I have planted a seed of my own. Its growth will depend on which plant you water the most. The seed she planted has already sprouted, but it can be killed and will be with the aid of my seed."

"What is your seed?"

"I planted Love."

"Will it bring me happiness?"

"No, Love does not bring Happiness, it is like a rose, more beautiful than anything," Aslan's voice was sad. "But like a rose, it has thorns. It brings Sorrow and Pain, sometimes even Death, but always it brings great Joy. In this world, Sorrow always walks hand in hand with Joy; Happiness is fleeting, but Joy is eternal.

"I want you to sacrifice your Anger and Bitterness. Whatever you do, offer it to me; give me your Pain and Sorrow and I will bear the weight."

"I've always wanted to know you, forever. I've always had a longing."

"Everyone is born with two things in his heart; a great fear of something dark and terrible that they cannot place and a deep longing for something greater and more beautiful than themselves; most find the one and not the other and that is the most grievous thing of all."

Eustace was silent, then looked up into the Lion's face and forced himself to speak, "Do you forgive me for what I did?"

"Love does not exist without Forgiveness, nor Forgiveness without Love; I love you greatly," Aslan said softly and it seemed to Eustace that the Lion's eyes were as deep as a sea, as wide as a plane and as far seeing as a hawk's. "I want you to love me with the love that I have for you."

"I will," Eustace said.

"Will you?" Aslan asked and his voice was so low it rumbled in the earth beneath their feet. "Because of what you did, a payment must be made. You sold yourself to the Witch and you must be bought back. I promise you now that your price will be paid and you will be purchased whatever the cost may be. You are mine and I will never give you back."

"Thank you," Eustace said, the tears starting to write paths in the dirt on his face.

"Now," Aslan said. "Your cousins are standing yonder waiting to see you. Go to them; they will not ask you about what has passed."

Eustace turned to see them, waiting for him, their faces grave and happy all at once and Aslan stood beside him, one great, powerful presence.

"Eustace," he said suddenly and Eustace turned to look into his face, because he wanted any excuse to look into the Lion's face.

"Very soon, those four will be crowned and made Kings and Queens of all Narnia; you will not…does that trouble you?"Aslan looked at him searchingly.

"No," Eustace said and knew in his heart that he spoke the truth. A few months before he would have killed to be king of somewhere…he had longed for it.

"It is a blessing, not a curse that I will not make you king…they do not yet know that their hardest days are ahead. They must face war and famine, death and joy; with high heads and strong hearts they must be at the forefront for all to see. Their mistakes will be magnified because of the power they will wield; the swords of their offices will hang above their heads with slender threads- but their goodness will be greater for this," Aslan continued.

"They will have glory," Eustace said.

"And so will you, but it will be a different kind. The best glory is the glory that only a noble heart can see," Aslan said quietly. "I will charge you now: even as they are kings and queens, you will be their first subject. When all fail them, you will be true. Where you once hated, you will love. Can you do this for them and for me?"

Eustace did not trust himself to speak, he only nodded, but in that nod was the conviction of his soul.

"I will call you steadfast," Aslan said so softly it was almost like the wind blowing, then he turned again and looked at Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy where they stood waiting and Eustace knew he must go. At last he squared his shoulders and walked to them, solemnly shaking each hand.

"I've seen Aslan," he said quietly, then swayed. Both Peter and Edmund were at his side to steady him. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Of course not," Susan said, "Lay down if you like; you must be exhausted. Have you eaten? You must have something. Come into one of the pavilions."

"I'm not really very hungry," Eustace said, sinking down next to her. "I say, that centaur, Martin, he is an odd chap. I've never seen one."

They all looked at him; there was so much he hadn't seen.

"Have you met Flavis, or Equus?" Lucy asked, then lowered her voice, "What did you think of Aslan?"

"He's smashing," Eustace said.

"So he is," Edmund said, grinning.

There was silence.

"Look here, Eustace, there's something I've got to say…we've all got to say-" Peter began.

"If it's about me being absolutely beastly to all of you, you're right," Eustace cut in, "I was awful. Really terrible to live with and I'm most awfully sorry."

"Actually," Peter said, "I was going to say, I'm sorry."

"All of us are," Susan said, "We gave up on you, we stopped trying, and I think that might be even worse than being beastly. Will you forgive us?"

Eustace stared at them a moment, then to all their astonishment, rubbed away a tear fiercely.

"I'm sorry," he said at last. "Aslan said Love and Forgiveness cannot exist without each other; I think he's right."

~o*o~

Lucy found Eustace later, sitting on a rock in the middle of the camp, just looking. She didn't say anything as she climbed up to sit beside him, her arm around his shoulders. She had a small arm, but his shoulders were so thin she could feel his bones.

"What are you looking at?" she asked at last.

"That butterfly, just over there, resting on that tent peg. It's been fluttering all around here for some time."

Lucy looked and saw a butterfly with yellow brocade wings and black eyelet lace around the edges, fluttering like a wayward flower, dancing above one of the pavilions that was pitched nearby.

"It's very pretty."

"It's some sort of swallowtail, I should think," Eustace said, suddenly going scientific. "I feel like I've just gone through a metamorphosis."

"A what?" Lucy looked up.

"I feel like I've just gone from a caterpillar dragging myself around on my belly in the dirt to that… as if I could fly. My heart is so light I can't keep it down."

"You don't sound particularly happy," Lucy noted.

"I'm not… Aslan called it 'Joy'. It's a steady feeling of… I don't know… hope and the knowledge that no matter what, everything is all right. I feel like I've been fumbling around a dark room and suddenly a door's been opened and there's light on the other side. Do you know that nice feeling you get sometimes after your family has had a great argument and suddenly there's a feeling of happiness everywhere and even Alberta's not being a pain…" Eustace trailed off, then looked closer at the butterfly as it winged overhead, the sun flashing past it. "Papilionidae I think. I had some in my collection."

"What's Papilionidae?" Lucy asked.

"It's Latin… the scientific name."

"Wouldn't it be funny if all the animals here at scientific names?" Lucy asked.

Eustace suddenly grinned. "Like what?"

"Oh, the minotaurs, for example."

"Bovinae Gigantae?" Eustace suggested.

Lucy giggled, "How about centaurs?"

"Equo Homo?"

"Those are good ones," Lucy said. "We'll have to write them down."

"Do you know what we're doing after this?" Eustace asked, turning to her. "Are you people just going to sit down on some thrones and the Witch will suddenly die, or do you have to dish her first?"

"I expect we'll be fighting a battle," Lucy said curiously. "But I don't know. It's all very exciting, anyway."

~o*o~

As Aslan had predicted, the Witch came that afternoon, mounted high on Yce, the white stallion. He had not escaped in the end.

"My hostage has been stolen," she said, her voice ringing clearly over all those assembled there. "He has bound himself to the other side. He has become a traitor, I will have him back."

"His offence was not against you," Aslan said quietly.

"Yet it was," the Witch said. "He has been a traitor to both sides. He is naturally mine and was mine before he was yours. This little human vermin sold himself to me before he ever entered this world. He is mine and I will have his blood. You know that unless I have blood the world will perish in fire and water."

"It is true," Aslan said, his voice soft and rich. Gracefully, he turned to the animals surrounding them, "fall back, all of you, and I will speak to the Witch alone."

They watched as the two stood some distance away, speaking quietly. The great Lion and the Witch facing each other a few feet apart, but really seperated by a void.

A long time seemed to pass as the clouds drifted over head, putting them alternately in sun and shadow, as their hopes rose and fell. Eustace sat cross legged with the others looking up at the sky and admiring it, Aslan had promised and of all those present, only he knew that all would be well.

Everyone started to their feet as they saw the Witch walk to Yce and mount him. She turned his head; a faint smile playing about her lips, then she looked back.

"How do I know this promise will be kept?" she called, her voice ringing.

"I cannot break my word," Aslan said flatly and all those assembled knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was true. If he broke it, he would cease to be himself.

Jadis nodded once, then urged her horse forward, through the camp, her wolves following, slipping around Yce's white legs like gray ghosts. Everyone watched them go silently.

At last, Aslan walked towards the five children where they sat on the grass, his head low, some unseen wind tossing his glowing mane.

"Eustace has been freed of his bond," he said heavily, "You four, Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy, come."

They followed him to a pavilion and slipped inside. He turned to look at them and they suddenly saw a great sadness in his noble face.

"There is a ridge of hills to the north, near the Great River. The largest of the hills is named Beruna. The Great River is at its narrowest at that place and the majority of the Witch's army will cross there. Tomorrow, send outriders to secure those hills and follow with your army. You must have the high ground, or all is lost. Protect your flanks at all costs.

"Call up your courage, be stronger than you have ever been before," Aslan continued. "Do not falter in the face of death, gird yourselves with your swords and shields and set your faces for war."

"But sir," Peter said quickly, looking up at him with alarm, "You will be there yourself?"

"I will not be there," Aslan replied.

Author's Note: It came to our attention a couple of weeks ago that some of our stories had been nominated for awards over at The Lion's Call. The awards ceremony will be held tomorrow night at 6:00 PM pacific time…it should be exciting!

Fortunately the Production Note is back from its vacation in the Bahamas. If you look closely, you'll see that it's nose is sunburned. ;)

-Rose and Psyche

Production Note: We have just found out that Eustace was outraged at being abducted from 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader'. He apparently has kept it a secret all this time because Edmund threatened to tell the world that Eustace still sleeps with his Teddy Bear. Apparently Lucy let it slip and now Eustace is voicing his complaints. Peter, reportedly, hasn't stopped laughing.