Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

A/N: Before anyone says anything again, I know grammatically you're not supposed to start a sentence with Conjunctions like "And" or "But" since that's what they taught people – my age especially – in elementary school, but that is wrong in and of itself. There are plenty of FAMOUS authors who have done so.

So, to me, if it sounds better as a separate sentence or if the sentence it was connected to started to get to long and I was going to use a conjunction, then I'm just going to start a new sentence as such. I do try to limit how much I do this, but that's just the way I speak at times…so deal…

I'm done with my rant for the day.

A/A/N: FUNC FACT: I keep track of – at least I try to but it's so confusing – the flashbacks Neji has throughout this whole story. I categorize them under: Childhood, High School, After High School, Army and Post war. However, for the two times the story is in Tenten's POV – from chapter 15 and this chapter now – I do not keep track of the flashbacks because I know where they are going to be and they tend to coincided with one of the one's Neji's already had. Plus they are more so memories to her than flashbacks for you guys. Granted some of Neji's flashbacks are like memories, all of Tenten's ARE memories only…does that makes since?

Chapter 25

She was the first to see him walk down that dark hallway and the first to stand. Honestly, with her worried-mother mindset switched "on" she was constantly looking down the hallways she had available to her line of sight to see if maybe he would come out of one of them. After all, besides the obvious two – Hinata and Hanabi – she was the only other person who knew of Neji's illness. Granted she didn't know what it was, she did know about his strong anxieties and his bad sleeping habits and that was enough to have her worries up. Yet, the last thing she was expecting when she got that call three days ago was to hear another woman panicking over the phone about how Neji collapsed and wasn't responding to her at all, and that alone was enough to send her heart in a frenzy. But she had to be calm. Once she found out he was having a panic attack of some sort, she knew that she had to keep her cool if she wanted him to regain his. However, since then, she could only think about him. Screw the fact that she was going to get kicked out of her apartment soon, or that her step mother was still being a bitch to her, all that mattered to her at that time was whether or not he was okay.

So, when Hinata told her that he was being hospitalized until further notice, it felt like her whole world had come to an end, like her heart stopped and her mind could no longer work. She had to look for extra jobs during that time period too, and with her mind in such a wired state, she was sure none of those interviews turned out right.

And she knew it was wrong of her to put so much of her attention towards him, she really did, but she couldn't help it. Katsurou, Lee and Neji were the only people she still held extremely close to her heart who were alive. Hearing that one of them was hospitalized had taken its toll on her weakening heart and really there was only so much that she could take before she collapsed. So, when Hinata called her back with news on Neji's early release, she all too quickly made her way down to the location, dropping Katsurou off at Iruka's before she left since she wasn't sure how he – both Neji and Katsurou – would act to such a scene if there was a scene to begin with.

Fortunately for her, Neji was fine – at least on the outside that's what it seemed like. When he came around the corner talking aimlessly with some man – his doctor she assumed – she stood, feeling a wave of relief wash over her as she saw the content face that he sported, and when she moved so did everyone else, immediately seeing why she so suddenly got up. Granted he hadn't noticed them first – the man beside him did – the look that crossed his face when he saw them, when he locked eyes with her, made her heart stop.

She gasped when he smiled his usual smile – no smirk this time but the smile that she grew up with – and immediately hugged herself to suppress her shivers. She then looked away, eyes cold and distracted while Hinata waved and Naruto nodded, and couldn't find it in her to make eye contact with him just yet.

She heard Hanabi run to him, crying already, but she couldn't look up at that time either. It wasn't until the sound of his voice was farther away, did she finally look, eyes seeming to be burrowing holes through the back of his head as she watched and waited for him to turn again.

There was something about Neji now that had her think differently about him then. She used to always be around him so naturally when they were younger, used to always be all over him and think nothing of it, cuddle him, seek comfort in him, all that good stuff, and now, almost 20 years later, she couldn't see anything other than the man who confessed his love to her not too long ago. He wasn't the same Neji she knew. And no it wasn't because he was a veteran, or because he was considerably bigger than he was when they were younger – if that was the case she would have thought the same about Shino that first time he came back – but simply because she was now aware of his feelings. Had she lived her life ignorant of such things she might have still held Neji in the same regard as she did before, but since she's found out about how he's felt for her since, dear God, their first year, she couldn't help but feel a little awkward to the twinge in her heart that usually accompanies her whenever she laid eyes on him.

He was turning now, walking to the best of his abilities with Hanabi on his back and smiling when Naruto walked up to him, and the panic was starting to set in again. She was sure he saw her first. She was sure he immediately scanned the room until he landed on a familiar face, and since she stood first, it was, without a doubt, hers that he saw, so he was going to approach her…and soon.

She took a deep breath, hugged herself tighter, and refused to look up once again as she felt him close in on her. Her heart rate increased, her hands became sweaty and incredibly hot, and her face started to redden much to her displeasure, and the only thing that could make it worse was…

"Hey." He cooed it seemed, making her whole world freeze.

She remembered this feeling. The one where her whole world seemed to come together and make since again from just the sound of one man's voice. It's always been something she's felt with Neji. Whenever he would return form vacationing in Korea or meet back with her after she took a sick day from school, she would feel this since of relief, of release…of happiness wash over her and completely encase her in ecstasy. The only other man who's done that for her was Shino and that took some time to happen to, but once it did she couldn't help but feel closer to the boy then, and now, after all this time she was realizing it all over again.

"…Hey." She finally answered as she looked him in the eyes and nearly flinched back at the red color that laced them. How could she be so stupid to not have noticed the lack of life in his eyes? How could she have been avoiding eye contact with him this whole time? Why was she avoiding eye contact with him this whole time?

"How are you feeling?" She asked, wanting to reach up and caress his cheek in the manner she used to do but not finding the courage nor the strength to do so.

He sighed then, and she nearly shrunk back again when he smiled down on her and moved to encase her in his arms, locking her in a position she wished she could leave from. With her arms pinned to her chest now, and his arms, his scent, encasing her, she became very aware of the sound of her heart beat steadily increasing, growing louder and louder as the seconds that they shared alone felt like hours to her. Hours in which she was able to come to one realization. One that brought tears to her eyes and a different reason for her sobs compared to Hinata and Hanabi's.

She was in love with Neji.

She turned to him, smiling before handing Lee back the bug and running to be beside him once again.

"See." She started before sitting down backwards – her favorite way to sit. "You look nice smiling."

At first he seemed confused and turned to check out his reflection only to turn back to her, embarrassed and blushing and she looked on as if she was mesmerized by such a cute attitude from the usually stoic boy, but she quickly replaced it with a smile and moved to get up.

"Just keep smiling like that and you'll have friends in no time." She smiled as she walked back to her seat with a slight blush and a bright smile spread across her small, round face.

Could that have been it? Could she have been in love with him since she first met him? Or maybe it was a different time. A time when they were more aware of themselves…

When she was met with an unreadable face to her pouting/crying one, she was the least bit surprised. After all, Neji was her support beam. The one thing that was keeping her from tumbling down in this topsy-turvy world where she felt like the dirt beneath everyone was without a doubt him. Even more so than Lee, who she has known for longer will Neji's comfort always come first. So she knew where it was she belonged, where it was she would feel the safest, and that was his open and waiting arms. This wasn't uncommon coming from one of her emotional scream fests, and that was something she was thankful for as she plopped down "where she belonged" and cried. She cried her heart out that day.

She cried for the stress she accumulated, the unfairness she felt for being an adopted child, the hatred most, if not all, of the girls in her year shot towards her, and she cried for all the pain that she's ever felt. She cried for hours, before finally silencing herself and taking the time to calm down instead as she took in Neji's familiar scent and feel. It was all soothing really. Being in his arms. It was only here that she truly felt loved, felt at peace.

When she was sure that she was better, she sat up, sniffed one more time then started wiping her face before she finally stood, dusted her skirt off and headed towards the door where she waited for him silently.

"You ready?" he asked as he stood and fixed his collar, pearl-like eyes piercing through her very existence it seemed.

And she nodded to him, to his piercing glare, in an attempt to hide the shiver that took over her body before she finally found her voice once more. "Ready."

She blinked, hearing the crying cease and the feeling the warmth start to leave her as everyone around her started to move away, giving her the opportunity to step back as well and rack through her thoughts once more.

Could that have been the time? She thought as she watched Neji talk to the man he walked the hallway with earlier with Hinata. Could I have been in love with him since 1st year as well? Or was it sooner?

She looked at him as he moved to the counter and Hinata returned, sighing somberly before fixing everyone with a look that matched her tone. "It's gotten worse it seems." She then cried, making Hanabi gasp and tear up as well, while Naruto and Tenten stood by confused for the most part.

"W-what's gotten worse?" Tenten finally asked.

Hinata then looked up, figuring that since he was going to tell everyone anyways, it wouldn't do any harm telling the two who were already there. "His condition." She started. "Neji-nii-san…has PTSD…and it's only gotten worse."

She felt her mouth tighten at the news and tried her hardest to not look back at Naruto – the one person here who didn't know anything was ever wrong with him in the first place – and to fight back the tears. But she was finding it rather hard to do so. So much seemed to be happening around her life alone that she found it brought her peace knowing that at least Neji and Lee were alright despite what they've been through. Sure Neji did have some anxieties, but who didn't? That's what she first thought when he first told her about his "problems", but now, as the seriousness of it all had finally been thrown on her she felt her heart sink miserably as her thoughts raced with reasons why this wasn't okay, with reasons why she was in the wrong for using him the way she did.

But she was desperate. She was so alone. It seemed like her son was the only one who was truly on her side even though she knew that wasn't the case at all. All around her she had others who were supporting her. From Iruka to Ino and Choji, she had someone, and when Neji and Lee returned, she gained them as well, and yet it seemed like she was alone still. Maybe it was her pride that got in the way. Or maybe it was her quick temper that kept people at bay when they wanted to offer some form of assistance. Irregardless of what it was it had opened her up to a myriad of problems to face alone. Whether it be her son getting bullied, her step mother hating her or her increasing rent and lack of money to pay for it, she seemed to be facing it all. So maybe that was why she was so willing to sleep with Neji on more than one occasion despite his own problems. She was stressed, she felt alone and there was really only one person she could return to now to ease those daemons, and that was him.

Now she is suffering from those consequences.

She sighed as she turned, took in the scene before her – crying Hyuga's, confused Naruto who was trying to calm said Hyuga's – and found that she could no longer stand, so she sat and buried her face in her hands, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over as her mind raced.

I love him.

I can't have him.

I need him.

He has someone else.

He's hurting.

I want to help.

I can't help.

He has someone to help already.

…Then who's going to help me?

Who's going to be there for me if not him?

I need him.

I want him.

…I love him…

I love him! I love him! I love him!

"Ten?"

She flinched, looking up towards the familiar face that stared down at her, in her arms she still held her sister who had finally calmed down it seemed, but now the worry on her face was directed towards Tenten and she found she didn't want to be watched by those eyes just yet.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she moved to sit Hanabi down before she moved to squat in front of her friend. "You don't look so good?"

Tenten smiled then, waving her hand dismissively before she managed to get back to her feet in an attempt to not worry her friend. Granted she knew that she could hardly hide anything from the eyes of the Hyuga, she still tried when it was against Hinata seeing as the girl always knew when to push and when to just give up. This was one of those "giving up" times, and though she looked like she wanted to pry, as usual, she didn't and instead nodded then returned to her sister, giving Tenten enough time to herself once again.

She looked up, eyes instantly searching for and finding Neji who smiled at her when they made eye contact. However, his attention was somewhere else at the moment. With one ear pressed to his phone and a slow smile spreading across his face, Tenten was easily able to decipher who he was talking to.

"Ah." She stated aloud, catching everyone's attention. "He must be talking to his girlfriend."

"Tsuchi Kin, right?" Naruto questioned. "She's a model isn't she? How did he meet her?"

"He was with me a lot when I went for my photoshoots and she was there. Also her uncle brought her with him to our house once when he was discussing some business things with father."

"So she's not crazy then?" Hanabi said through a raspy voice. "I heard about them dating from that gossip channel but I would have never expected him to go out with someone as flamboyant as her so I thought she was just obsessed with Nii-san."

"Nope." Hinata answered. "They're actually dating. Its doing wonders for the company too apparently. Not that that was the original reason they started seeing each other, but on a whole Father would see it as an acceptable arrangement so he has no complaints."

"I'm going to head out now." Tenten started as she turned to get her things.

"Already?" Hinata questioned. "You can stay just a little longer can't you?"

Tenten smiled but shook her head before flinging her bag over her shoulders and bowing a little to the three that watched her leave all while trying to hold a face as unreadable as possible for her because if she didn't…there's no telling what face she would have made before them.

Once outside, she sighed with relief yet paced herself till she was sure that there was no way she could be seen from the hospital at all before she finally started to run. She ran hard and far, passing up bus stops and taxis, bumping into people and nearly falling every time she turned a corner, till she was back on familiar grounds. Till she was able to recognize every bench, every light pole and every building. Till she was able to recognize the familiar faces of the people she didn't know personally but has seen enough to remember them, did she stop at a familiar bus stop, gasping for air.

She breathed in heavily as she fell over her knees, loving the burning feeling she got in her chest from the run, loving the way the world seemed to smell hotter from moving so suddenly and so harshly then stretched herself straight again when she felt the first drop hit. She looked up towards the dark grey skies, flinching with every rain drop that hit her until she finally got accustomed to it and started laughing instead.

She wanted to scream.

She wanted to scream so loud that the people who were warm and safe in their homes could hear her through the storm and their walls. She wanted to scream so loudly that even the sound of thunder clapping through the skies couldn't drain the sound of her voice! She wanted to scream out to the open world and tell it: I'm still here, and I'm still standing. But most of all, she wanted him behind her.

She wanted him standing there, watching her and saying not a single word of neither approval nor disapproval. She wanted him waiting for her to finish, waiting for her to return to his open and ready arms – where she belonged. She wanted him to be her support and vice versa. She wanted Neji…but she couldn't have him.

So, she didn't scream. She didn't let go of her frustrations the usual way. She didn't let the world know that she was still here and that she was still standing because without Neji – or Shino – beside her she could no longer feel that way. She felt weak and small, and alone and afraid like she did when she was a little girl. She felt insignificant to the world and all who inhabit it…and that alone made the smile that graced her face, the laughter that would have adorned her, would have flew from the pit of her stomach to the open space around her…vanish.

Shino. She thought as she looked up at the crying skies.

Neji. She thought as her face began to scrunch up and her eyes began to sting with the threat of tears.

Shino…Neji…Shino. Neji. Shino! Neji! SHINO! NEJI! SHINO! NEJI! NEJI! NEJI! NEJI! NEJI!

"Neji…" She squeaked before she looked down, tears falling form her face and mixing with the rain that pressed to her skin. "Shino." She sniffed as she whipped at her eyes. "Neji…not you too…Don't you leave me too."

Pulling her out of her trance, her phone vibrated, sending a shiver down her spine so harsh that she felt she had to pick it up, praying that it wasn't Hinata, because hiding that she was crying from her would be impossible.

"Hello?"

"Tenten?" Ino's voice sounded, brightening up Tenten's mood just a little more. "Are you guys at the hospital still? I called Hinata but she didn't answer. Maybe her phone was on silent or something? Anyways, we decided we couldn't keep the shop open when we knew a friend was hurt so we closed early and…hold on…" She stopped though her voice was still sounding through the receiver, it sounded muffled, like she was talking to someone else before it came back loud and clear. "Ah~! It's raining? When did that happen? Hello? Tenten? Are you still there?"

Tenten sighed, feeling relief yet again before she answered. "I'm still here."

"What's wrong?" She asked. "Why do you sound like that? And where are you? I can hardly hear you. Are you outside?! In this weather?"

She exhaled quickly, no longer able to hold her breath in the attempt to hide that she was crying then took in another deep breath and released it just as quickly. She couldn't hide it anymore. She couldn't stop herself anymore. Besides, hearing the voice of the one person she told about her feelings made it impossible to not want to run to her again.

So she cried. She let out the sobs she was trying to hide for so long then laughed lamely at how weak she sounded. "Ino…" She started.

"What?! What's wrong?!" Ino panicked. "Tenten…Hello?"

She breathed in again, letting her friend know that she was still there, then let it out in a shaky voice and cried out. "Help."