ROLLERCOASTER

-x-

Part 2

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She couldn't remember at what point exactly they'd fallen off the chair and onto the rug in front of the fire, but that was where they were now. Biological/android relationships had to be socially acceptable, she reasoned to herself. Had to be! There was no way anything that much fun could possibly be frowned on.

'That was good.' She stretched out happily on the rug. 'Boy, was that ever good.' She paused. 'It was good, right? For you, I mean?'

The android pondered this for a moment. 'It was… important.'

'"Important"?'

He thought again. 'Special,' he clarified.

She nodded, deciding to accept that as a good thing. 'So. Anything coming back to you yet, whoever-you-are?'

'None of my memory has returned,' replied the android. 'You?'

She shook her head, cheerfully. 'You want to know something crazy? I don't think I even want it back right now.'

'But we have no concept of our identities…'

'That's not true,' she argued, genially. 'We have no concept of who we were. But we know who we are, right at this moment, don't we?' She propped herself up on her elbow, warming her naked back against the fire. 'We're just two people. Two people in this house by the sea. And that's all that matters right now. And you know what…?' She ran a hand through his hair. 'It's perfect. Everything's absolutely perfect just as it…'

'Oh,' interrupted a third voice, gruff and embarrassed.

The two naked lovers looked up as one at the large, dark man standing over them.

'Oh!' they chorused.

'Who are you?' She made futile attempts to cover herself from the intruder's gaze, although the man had already averted his gaze to the floor in front of them. The interloper, she noticed, was dressed the same as they had been, save for an extra decoration over his chest, and was even odder looking than the android, with a large stature, dark brown skin and a deeply furrowed brow that reached all the way to the top of his lofty head. 'How did you get into our house?'

'This,' the stranger told them, 'is not your house. It is not a house at all, but a holographic projection, which you appear to have been in since our memories were wiped. Everything that you have experienced since that event will have been a part of a simulation.'

'Oh,' chorused the pair again, in soft understanding. For some reason, like the revelation that her companion was electronic, the fact that the forest, meadow, fairground, coast and house were all fake, somehow didn't shock or upset her as much as she'd expect. It was almost as though she'd always known it, and simply had to be reminded of it.

'So,' she reasoned, 'where are we really?'

'On a Starship,' the intruder told them, plainly. 'I made an announcement from the Bridge some time ago explaining all that we knew at the time about the situation, but you failed to respond.'

'Our communication devices appear to be defective,' explained the android as he foraged for their clothes.

The stranger grunted. 'Many of our computer systems have been affected by the incident that wiped our minds. Perhaps the computer which controls this simulation cut off your ability to communicate…' He shook his large head. 'That is the least of our troubles at present. You're needed on the Bridge.'

She gratefully accepted the uniform that the android handed to her. 'We're Bridge crew on this ship?'

The stranger nodded. 'Senior officers. He indicated to the android. 'Your name is Data, you are a Lieutenant Commander – the ship's Operations Officer.' He paused, as though unsure whether to disclose a further fact. 'You are a… an artificial…'

'Artificial Life-form,' completed Data. 'We have already discovered that, Mr…?'

'Worf,' replied the large man. 'Lieutenant Worf…' he sighed a little. 'Sir.' He turned his attention to her. 'You are Lieutenant Commander Natasha Yar; Chief of Security.'

Natasha nodded as she pulled on her boots. It was nice to have a name, although she couldn't help but feel disappointed that she didn't share it with the man she'd assumed was her husband.

'What about personal information?' she asked.

'Such as…?'

'Where we're from,' shrugged Natasha as nonchalantly as she could, 'who our families are, whether we have children… partners…'

Worf shook his head. 'It has taken this long simply to access basic information about the Senior Crew. All we have at present are our names, ranks, positions and species. You are Human, by the way,' he added to Natasha, 'as is the majority of the crew.'

'That's nice,' Natasha muttered, half-heartedly.

Now both fully dressed, they followed Worf towards a strange feature in the far wall of the living room – a feature that Natasha was sure she had not seen earlier. It was a large, sleek arch, with a small computer panel on one side and what looked like metallic doors against the wall. The doors were shut fast, but as Worf approached they slid smoothly open to reveal a bright, sterile corridor beyond.

'So that's the real world,' noted Natasha, quietly.

'Welcome home,' replied Worf.

'Looks clean, at least.'

'Pristine,' confirmed Worf, with a vaguely disapproving air. Natasha noticed him give a small, wistful sigh before blinking out of it. 'Don't be concerned about your ability to work at your post, given your amnesia. We have all found that the ability to work what systems we do have in operation has come to us by instinct.'

Data frowned. 'How so?'

'We have no idea,' admitted Worf, 'we simply can. You should be able to switch off this Holodeck projection manually, for example.'

Data looked at him for a moment, then at the computer panel in the arch. His fingers flew over the panel's buttons for a split second, and then… and then the fire, the rug, the chair, the whole house, and the dusk-lit ocean beyond faded into a boxy, black, gridded room.

Natasha sighed. That was all there was? The whole world that they had known - that they had spent hours wandering through – was nothing but this dark little cell?

'Goodbye, house,' she breathed. She turned to step through the door into the corridor beyond. 'Hello, Natasha Yar.'

-x-

Natasha was learning new things to remember all the time. She liked coffee; she didn't like dogs; she could sing but she couldn't play trombone; and Satarrans were sneaky. Yeah, that was a new little factoid for the old memory bank. They were sneaky Sons of Bitches and if anybody tried to convince you that you were at war with a race called the Lycians, well, first of all they'd be lying and second of all they'd be a sneaky Satarran. And now, she was on her way to get all of her old memories back again, too. She squeezed Data's hand in the Turbolift. There was nothing that could be done for his memory in Sickbay, of course – although both he and Commander LaForge were working on a means of restoring his memory files, they had resigned themselves to the probability of the process taking much longer than the biological method Dr Crusher had worked out for the rest of them. Still, he had accepted her request for him to accompany her to the Sickbay. They hadn't had chance to talk about what had happened on the Holodeck, and they certainly hadn't had chance to find out whether they were already in a relationship with one another. Data, she had quickly realised, worked a lot. She had a feeling that this Turbolift ride was actually the first break from work he had taken since they'd stepped onto the Bridge. Still. She liked him. She liked him a lot. And it wasn't just the sex… although, she did enjoy the sex. Did she love him…? She wasn't sure. She hadn't really wanted to consider the matter while all she knew of him was of those wonderful hours away from reality on the Holodeck. Maybe once her memory was back she'd know that she'd loved him for years. Perhaps that was why she felt so nervous.

The Turbolift came to a stop and they stepped out, still hand-in-hand. They were met by Dr Crusher as they stepped into the Sickbay. Counsellor Troi, sitting up on one of the beds, smiled at them.

'Hi Tasha. You're next, I take it…?'

'I have noticed,' said Data, 'that those who have had their memories returned shorten your name to "Tasha".'

'It's what she prefers,' shrugged the Doctor.

'I do prefer it like that,' realised Tasha. 'Thanks.'

'Everything will be so much easier once your memory's back,' added Dr Crusher.

Tasha noticed the Doctor's eyes flit down to Data's hand, still entwined with hers. Almost immediately, Crusher's gaze shot up to meet Tasha's once more. The Doctor had an odd expression on her face.

'I feel much better anyway,' added the Counsellor, hurriedly.

The strange look on Dr Crusher's face vanished suddenly into a calm smile. 'It won't take long, Tasha. You'll be back to your old self in minutes.'

'Nevertheless,' Data interjected, releasing Tasha's hand, 'I am overdue in Engineering.'

Tasha nodded. 'Thanks for coming with me.' She paused, watching him as he turned to leave. 'Data, I'd very much like to talk with you after we've both got our memories back. Maybe we can have a drink, or…'

'I have no need to drink,' Data replied. 'However, I shall certainly seek to coordinate a meeting in which to converse with you on a personal level on a later occasion.'

'Sounds great.' Tasha waited for him to leave, and then turned to the other women with a giggle. 'Is he always such a smooth talker?'

Counsellor Troi gave her a small smile. 'Do you mind if I stay here for a few more minutes, Beverly? I'm still a little giddy from the process.'

'Be my guest.' Beverly Crusher guided Tasha down onto a second bed.

'Maybe after you're done we can grab something to eat in Ten Forward, Tasha?' Troi added.

Tasha didn't reply. Her life was already flashing in front of her eyes.

-x-

Deana and Tasha walked in silence for a moment.

'So,' ventured Deanna, once they were alone, 'how do you feel?'

'You know damn well how I feel,' Tasha replied quietly. 'I feel like I'd managed to get rid of a great weight on my back for a couple of days, just for it to be loaded right back onto me again.' She sighed. 'I was so free with my mind wiped – so free, and I didn't even know it. There was no Turkana, no Romulus, no Borg, no Sela… and none of my own dumb mistakes.' She snorted a sarcastic laugh. 'And of course, what does Tasha Yar always do the instant she's freed from the yoke of being Tasha Yar…? Why, she goes and propositions the android that never says no, and makes another mistake to add to the pile.'

'I noticed you were holding hands.'

'So did Beverly,' realised Tasha. She remembered something else and buried her face in her hands. 'Oh God, Worf… Worf knows.'

'I think the whole ship probably knows by now,' Deanna told her, gently. She patted her friend on the shoulder. 'You're not exactly alone in this circumstance, you know. It's actually quite commonplace in this sort of situation for people to act on impulses that the benefit of experience would normally cause them to repress. As I said to Will and Ro Laren…'

'Oh yeah,' Tasha recalled softly. 'Will and Ro.' She screwed up her face a little. 'That one sure came out of the blue. I wonder what…' She trailed off. 'Ah, Geez. I'm doing the Face.'

'What "Face"?'

'The "I can't believe those guys slept with each other" Face.' Tasha frowned. 'That's the Face that people are pulling when they hear about me and Data, isn't it?'

'Tasha.' Deanna gave her friend a conciliatory smile. 'Will and Ro came as a surprise to a lot of people – including each other.'

'So Data and I aren't surprising now?'

Deanna's smile didn't budge. 'The rumours have been going around about you two for so long that most people suspect you of being a couple anyway.'

'Well, we're not a couple, despite what people believe,' snapped Tasha. She paused. 'Despite what even I believed,' she added. 'You know, I actually thought we were an item when my memory was gone. I actually thought we might be able to love each other, like a normal couple would.' She folded her arms and cast her eyes down. 'Talk about idiotic.'

'I don't think it's idiotic,' Deanna replied. 'Your head forgot about your chequered history together, but your heart remembered that he was dear to you.'

'Even before our memories were taken,' admitted Tasha, very softly, 'I'd been thinking about the possibilities of me and him giving it a proper try… and I know that what he is got in the way between him and D'Sora, but I'm not Jenna D'Sora, OK?'

'I wasn't going to mention Jenna,' Deanna faintly protested. 'I don't think it's impossible for him to hold down a relationship. He's got a lot to give, and he wants to give it. I think if it's something you both want to try, then you should.'

'Aren't you the one who advised me to nip it in the bud because we just weren't what the other needed?'

'Yes,' Deanna conceded, 'four years ago, and yet we're still having this conversation. This obviously isn't the flash-in-the-pan infatuation that you first thought it was, so maybe you do need to think about accepting it. You just admitted that you were considering suggesting a romantic relationship with him before you lost your memory. What could have happened to change your mind?'

Tasha looked down again. 'Back on the Holodeck, when it was just him and me – no memories, no identities… everything was just so pure and exciting. All that mattered was the moment. And then, this hope began to grow in me. I hoped that the house we were in was our home, and it wasn't. I hoped that he and I were together, and we weren't. I hoped for this simple, blissful dream that I'd been shown…'

'But life isn't a dream,' Deanna argued. 'Life isn't simple, and real relationships are often very complicated…'

'I hoped,' Tasha interrupted, 'that he could love me. But he can't, can he? And I hoped that I could be good for him, and make him happy, but I'm not, and I can't. And I see that now.'

'So what are you going to do?'

'I don't know,' sighed Tasha.

'Do you still want to get some lunch?'

'Funnily enough, Deanna, I'm not hungry.'

-x-

Tasha wasn't sure how long she'd been staring at her empty coffee cup for when Data took the seat opposite her.

'So, you're back, I take it.'

'My memory has been fully restored,' Data replied, 'yes. You stated that you wished to speak with me once that had occurred.'

'I did,' sighed Tasha, 'didn't I?'

There was a pause. Tasha looked up at the android as he patiently sat and waited for her to continue.

'So,' she added at length. 'Looks like we did it again.'

'Are you referring to sexual congress?'

'Yes, Data.'

He nodded to himself. 'In which case, yes. We did indeed "do it again".'

'I should apologise,' she muttered, 'I came on pretty strong back there.'

'As I told you on the Holodeck,' Data replied, 'my response was made freely. If there is any blame to be laid it should be with us both. However, since at the time neither of us was aware of our earlier decision to avoid sexual contact with one another, I see no reason for us to consider the issue of blame. We have since been reminded of our resolution to abstain from sexual activities with each other, and can continue to act appropriately.'

'Are you saying that you want us to just go back to how we were before?'

'I do not "want" anything. I merely believe that it is the most pertinent response to the matter.'

She squinted at him. She noticed that he was not meeting her gaze directly, but focusing instead on her coffee cup. 'Are you all right, Data?'

He blinked, and met eyes with her at last. 'Of course.'

'You're not… upset about this?'

'I am incapable of feeling upset,' he reminded her, 'as you are well aware.'

'Hmm.'

'Are you "upset" by the recent events, Tasha?'

She turned her gaze back down to her cup. 'No.'

There was another pause.

'Immediately prior to the loss of our memories,' said Data, suddenly, 'you appeared to be attempting to ask me something. You were making allusions to "being good for me" and "giving something back". I have not yet been able to decipher your meaning. If you do not mind; what is it that you were trying to ask?'

Tasha sighed. 'It doesn't matter any more, Data. Forget I said anything.'

It was only as he was getting up to leave that she realised she should clarify her last suggestion.

'I don't mean that literally,' she added. 'What I meant was…'

'I am aware of your meaning,' he replied. 'Good day.'