Friday morning came and went, blurring into afternoon before Zoe had time to think about eating anything. A low lying nausea haunting her and a tickle in the back of her throat making her cough frequently.
"Coming down with something, Dr Hanna?"
Cal asked, passing her by, not waiting for a response.
She looked back down to the computer screen, scrolling through the list of names one by one, momentarily forgetting who she was looking for as Cal interrupted.
She ran a tongue over the roof of her mouth, gritting her teeth as she sneezed twice, trying to mute it as much as she could.
She saw Rita and Robyn look up at the sound, she smiled apologetically, unsure as to whether or not Robyn had twigged.
"Are you ok?"
Charlie asked, placing a hand on her back, stopping behind her and placing a pen that he had borrowed back down next to the computer.
"Fine, just a bit of a cold."
She smiled at him, closing down the screen and moving away from the nursing area. She felt a slight cramping low in her pelvis. A cold and period pain all at once, and on the day of the party.
"Sod's law."
She murmured, catching sight of Max in the distance and speeding up to catch him.
"Where have you been? Aren't you supposed to be taking Mrs Spalding up to theatre. I've been looking for you."
She called, watching as he stood, hands on hips waiting for her to reach him.
"Here, already done, and well done you found me, it's your turn to hide."
He smiled as she rolled her eyes.
"Max, I don't know about tonight..."
She began, pulling him out of the way of a trolley that was coming up behind him. They stood against the wall, her back against a pillar.
"Zoe..."
She held up her hands.
"I've got your bloody cold, and...cramps."
She lowered her voice, placing a hand on her stomach.
"Take some Feminax, you'll be fine."
He smiled a half smile, knowing she would try to get out of going tonight, a back log of reasons why she should go having piled up in the front of his mind, ready for use.
"How do you know about Feminax?"
She asked, frowning, feeling another hot wave of nausea and the familiar premenstrual cramping.
"I am all seeing...all knowing..."
He smiled, folding his arms.
"You might as well start calling me 'God' to be honest."
She laughed as he spoke, raising a hand to rub across her forehead.
"You be careful with that head of yours. If it gets any bigger you won't fit through the double doors."
She mused, moving away from the pillar she leaned against.
"That's not the only thing that's getting bigger..."
He whispered, brushing her fingers with his own as she passed. She snorted, glancing back at him.
"See you later."
She said, checking there was no one coming before winking at him.
She rounded the corner, bumping into Connie who was moving at full speed down the corridor.
"Connie..."
Both women stepping backwards, Connie holding a coffee in mid air so as not to spill it.
"Dr Hanna."
She greeted, side stepping around Zoe as if she were something nasty on the floor that she didn't want to step in.
She exhaled slowly, the period pain now throbbing gently at her lower back. She made her way to the toilets, placing her bag on the counter next to the sink and routing around in it for some painkillers, she took them with a handful of water from the tap, screwing up her face as she swallowed them. She locked herself into a stall, retrieving a tampon from her bag, unwrapping it quickly and pushing the wrapper into the bin before inserting it.
The afternoon was a blur of theatre and ward rounds, half past six arrived. She was already half an hour late leaving work. She stood at the entrance to the hospital, coat wrapped tightly around herself, cigarette between her lips.
"I hear you're off to a party?"
Charlie appeared behind her, wafting the smoke that she exhaled away from his face. She switched the cigarette from one hand to the other, holding it at arms length.
"Yep...and yes I will behave..."
She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Tess been giving you a hard time?"
He smiled, digging his hand into his pocket to fish out his car keys.
"I think she's just worried..."
She sighed, glad that the day had come to an end and she could go home and get ready for the party without having Tess pursing her lips at her every time she happened to pass her on the ward.
"humour her..she'll come round."
Charlie fumbled with his keys.
"He's a nice bloke."
He added, smiling as he pressed the button on his keyring to unlock the car in front of them.
She smiled in response, glad to have Charlie's support at least.
"Bye Charlie."
She called, raising the cigarette to her lips again, breathing a deep breath in before stubbing it out on the wall behind her and letting it fall to the ground. She stepped off the curb, fishing for her own car keys before unlocking the door and climbing in.
It felt oddly quiet once she had shut the door. She had grown used to having Max with her. She looked at the empty seat next to her. Max would be making his own way to the party, with Robyn and Lofty. She glanced at her watch. Perhaps he might already be there.
She reversed out of the parking space. The drive home took longer than she had hoped. She pulled up in the drive at ten to seven, having said she would be at the party by half past.
It would take her that long to get ready. She removed her shoes, climbing the stairs to the bedroom slowly, her muscles aching and the dull cramping in her pelvis along with the pain in her lower back made her sigh. How different it was to go out partying only six years ago.
She chose a simple black dress, re applied her make up and ran a comb through her hair, spraying on an extra spritz of perfume to mask the hospital smell that she always seemed to bring home with her.
She stood in front of the full length mirror. Wishing Max was with her, feeling slightly nervous about turning up by herself.
She stood up straight, watching herself. She pulled in her stomach and turned to the side for one final check.
Satisfied she made her way back down the stairs, collecting her shoes, phone and keys on her way back out, locking the door behind her and strapping herself back into the car.
She paused before she reversed, wondering whether to run back in for some more painkillers as the pain in her back worsened. She checked the clock, it was 7:15, if she left now and met no red lights she might make it on time.
She pulled out of the driveway and onto the main road, fiddling with the radio as she drove, wanting something, anything to play to relax her but the radio refused to pick up a signal, leaving her with the quiet hum of white noise.
She arrived at Cal's house with a minute to spare. Cars were parked for metres up the road, she drove past the house, holding up a hand to Max who was leaning against the fence outside the house , smoking. She felt a rush of affection for him, somehow he must have known she felt uncomfortable about entering the party on her own.
She parked further down the road, glimpsing Max in the rear view mirror as he came to meet her.
It was dark, and as he stopped under a streetlamp she caught sight of him, the shadows highlighting his high cheekbones, the soft curve of his lips and the look, that look, in his eyes.
"Look at you looking all beautiful."
He called, the cigarette dangling from his mouth. Zoe felt her cheeks flush, she locked the car door and walked towards him, reaching out for the cigarette and plucking it from his mouth.
"You don't look bad yourself."
She murmured, placing the cigarette in her own mouth. She looked him up and down. They matched, he too wore all black, his hair was damp from the air and swept across his forehead. His eyes glittering blue.
"It was your smile you know."
She said, almost without meaning to.
"Hmm?"
He asked, retrieving his cigarette.
"Your smile. It was your smile that attracted me."
She repeated, watching as he sucked the tip of the cigarette, exhaling ribbons of smoke into the night.
"Not my huge nose then?"
He asked, struggling against a smile.
She looked pointedly at his nose.
"That too."
She whispered, watching that slow delicious smile slither across his lips.
"I can't kiss you can I...?"
He whispered, glimpsing other party-goers making their way up the road, over her shoulder.
She shook her head.
"Later."
She whispered, nudging him to move off in front of her.
"Looking forward to it."
He breathed, leading the way through the gate and in through the unlocked front door.
The music was loud already, and Zoe found herself trying to remember whether the house was detached or attached. Perhaps she was too old for this after all.
"Drink?"
Max leaned in to her. Despite him shouting she barely heard him, nodding as he mimed having a drink.
He left her briefly, she stood in what she assumed to be the sitting room. The music was lyric-less and thumping, there seemed to be people everywhere, some dancing, others chatting, some clearly in need of some privacy.
She felt a hand on the small of her back and Max held a drink out in front of her.
"You look lost."
He shouted into her ear, his breath hot against the nape of her neck. She took the drink from him.
"I am lost!"
She shouted back, relieved however to have an excuse to stay close to him. The smell of him relaxed her. Someone pushed past them causing her to have to step towards him, their bodies pressed against one another. He glanced at her lips, she smiled, his breath on her face.
"You've got a nice smile when you do that."
He pressed his lips against her hair as he spoke.
"When I do what?"
She asked, enjoying the feel of his body against hers, in front of everybody under the guise of normality.
"When you smile."
He answered, moving his hand briefly to touch her hip.
"I've got a nice smile when I smile?"
She raised an eyebrow, biting her lip as he kissed her ear quickly, his thumb rubbing the curve of her hip bone.
She winced, a stabbing pain in her lower back taking her by surprise.
"Zo?"
He placed a finger under her chin, she shook her head, smiling a reassuring smile. The pain subsided and she took several gulps of her drink, hoping it would ease the cramping and the head cold that throbbed in her skull to the beat of the music.
Max raised a hand to someone over her shoulder, she felt whoever it was pass behind her.
"Glad you could make it."
She could smell the alcohol on Cal's breath as he pressed himself against her, he placed both of his hands on her hips from behind, his fingers overlapping Max's. He glanced down over her shoulder to where Max's hand lay trapped underneath his own.
"Very cosy..."
He shouted, already slightly tipsy. He let go of her clapping a hand on Max's shoulder.
"Max?"
Robyn was pushed toward them by the crowd, she patted Max on the arm to get his attention, pointing behind herself.
"Can you give me a hand?"
She shouted, Zoe barely hearing her, watching as Max squinted his eyes, straining his ears. Robyn shouted again, he glanced to Zoe who smiled falsely, watching Robyn pull him away from her.
She smoothed the front of her dress down, forgetting that Cal was still there.
"Surely not Max the porter?"
He leaned into her again, swaying against her, out of sync with the music.
"I don't know what you mean?"
She shouted back, taking another large gulp of her drink.
He laughed, watching her.
"More?"
He asked, reaching behind himself for a bottle of something that had had the label scratched off.
"More"
She agreed, holding her glass steady as he poured, tipping her head back and swallowing it quickly.
"What was that?"
She asked, her face twisted with the aftershock of whatever it was that she had just drunk.
He peered at the bottle.
"No idea."
He shouted, drinking his own in one gulp.
"Fuck me!"
He swore, sticking out his tongue and coughing. He waved at someone behind her and held up the bottle, mouthing something.
"'Scuse me..."
He placed a hand on her arm, using her to steady himself as he side stepped past her. She turned to survey the room, it was hot and dark, only the light from the kitchen illuminating it. The music seemed to never change. She placed the empty plastic cup down on top of the CD rack next to her. The dull ache In her stomach seemed to grow again, a wave of discomfort spreading across her abdomen. It lasted longer this time, growing in intensity until she needed to lean against the wall behind her. She placed a hand on her stomach, digging her fingers in to try to relieve the pain.
She pushed her way through the various gyrating bodies toward the kitchen, in search of more alcohol, and a toilet. She stood waiting in the doorway, standing in the shadows whilst two people she didn't recognise giggled and felt each other up, oblivious to her.
Somewhere she heard Max laugh, ever so faintly. She caught her breath as the sharp pain in her back speared through her again, shooting down one leg and pulsing low in her pelvis. She leant heavily against the wall, eyes closed. Again she heard that laugh.
She took hold of the door frame and pushed her way passed the two strangers in her way, blinking against the harsh light of the kitchen. She caught sight of Max in the conservatory, cigarette in hand, talking to someone she didn't recognise. Robyn stood by his side, topping up his drink. He leaned in to the unknown woman opposite, shouting something into her ear, she touched his arm in response and tossed her blonde hair.
The pain was back, she could feel it growing again, building inside her, her mouth seemed too dry and her face felt hot. The nausea made her stumble as she pushed her way towards him, feeling hands on her as she pushed her way through.
"Max"
She placed a hand on his arm, a shiver whispering up her spine.
Both he and the other woman turned.
"Zoe..."
He covered her hand with his own.
"This is..."
"Max."
She said again, her skin prickling, a cold heat flushing across her body.
He took hold of her arms, bobbing his head slightly to see her in the dark of the conservatory.
"Zoe can you look at me?"
He shouted, shaking her slightly.
"I am looking at you!"
She whispered, feeling his grip strengthen.
"Oh no you're not..."
He glanced apologetically to the blonde before turning Zoe around, wrapping an arm around her waist, holding her elbows to guide her.
"Where's the bathroom?"
She asked, the pain rising again, passing the point of which it had stopped before, building, as though it were crushing her from the inside out.
His grip strengthened further, guiding her up the stairs towards the bathroom.
"Coming through!"
He shouted, a dubious looking couple staggering from the bathroom as they entered.
He held her up, leaning himself against the door and locking them both inside the small bathroom. It smelled like sick and toilet duck.
He struggled to turn her around to look at him.
"What've you had to drink?"
He asked, trying to raise her face to look at him, holding her chin with his fingers.
She closed her eyes, drawing in a short breath, crying out with pain, her face crumpling as she doubled over, her head on his chest.
She tried to catch her breath ,the cramping failing to subside, feeling as though she were being torn apart.
"It hurts."
She whispered, pressing her face into his chest.
"Where does it hurt?"
He asked, a flailing sense of panic building in his gut.
She breathed out as though she had been holding her breath for days.
"I'm fine...I'm fine."
The pain began to ease again, only the stabbing pain in her lower back remaining.
She stood up straight again, placing a hand on her back.
He glanced down, before looking back up to her face.
"Zoe, look at me. Zoe?"
He glanced down again.
"Zoe, you're bleeding."