Chapter Twenty-Four
Seeing
"Baby?" Elsa asked, holding Anna close, feeling her body tremble and thrum in the aftermath of her incredible orgasm. The searing magnificence Elsa had felt moments ago, blessed to be the one to bring Anna to such aching release, began to be supplanted by worry. Had it been too much for her to bear? Had Elsa somehow been too rough? Caught up in the wonder of experiencing Anna's naked body and universe for the first time, Elsa hadn't been overly careful, despite knowing that this was the first time Anna would have experienced lesbian love. Her need for Anna had been that acute!
Anna closed her eyes; her breath was rocky, her body limp. Elsa reached out to touch and hold Anna's breast, needing to feel the heartbeat beneath. Her own heart cresting over with fulfillment and emotion, Elsa leaned forward to kiss Anna's collarbone; she just couldn't get enough of Anna's flesh, body, and soul!
Anna still hadn't replied. She still shuddered and vibrated, and her heart tripped along at a furious rate that Elsa, as a nurse, found slightly disturbing. "Are you all right?" Elsa asked, not wanting to break the precious skin of this silence, yet a feather of anxiety compelled her to do just that.
A sliver of time passed, achingly long for this nurse and therapist.
Out in the lounge, the clock began to chime. It was four pm on December the ninth.
The sound of the chimes seared their way into Elsa's consciousness, and she felt a distinct slice between then and now.
Throughout her life, Elsa had experienced moments that were swords, cleaving past from future forever. Some of them were seemingly innocent at the time, and only hindsight rendered them any sort of understanding. Such as the moment that Elsa's father had glanced back at her fourteen-year-old self, seated in the back seat of the family car. Agdar had laughed in appreciation of her silly teenage jest, his hands comfortable on the steering wheel of the SUV even though a winter storm bared its teeth outside. Elsa could still see his silvery hair, the generous wrinkles by his tanned and leathery face, the crookedness of his teeth. Her younger brother had been there as well, though he seemed to have rolled his eyes at her inane joke instead of laughing.
And then the sword had fallen, severing her from father and brother forever.
Elsa used to have another scar on her lower back, from yet another emergency surgery, but it had been obliterated by newer, shinier burn tissue from six years ago.
And now, to have this quivering quiescent Anna in her arms, and to feel so triumphant and ascendant; Elsa knew that this very moment was yet another sword, separating her forever from a past that did not have love-making with Anna Arendelle in it. The future, she could not yet see, but she had hope now, hope that her fate could somehow be altered. Surely the universe would not part them, not when they had been stitched so completely together. Surely they could remain together, when all otherworldly tides would rip them apart.
Surely the very universe itself would honour this love between lady and therapist; would accept the tribute of complete submission given by someone who had never experienced this particular petit mort of sexual release.
For even now Elsa could scarcely believe the intensity of her lady's response; Elsa had rarely witnessed such a complete and utter release.
Elsa held Anna in her arms, and Elsa saw.
Perhaps it had been Anna's first true orgasm, given to her in endless devotion and love. If so, Elsa mourned that it had taken so many years for Anna to experience it, and she gloried in the fact that she had been the one to give it to her.
Her fingers had been deep inside her lover, finding and caressing that rough, glorious spot in her core; Anna's body had gone rigid, her hands gathering sheets, her jaw taut and throat exposed; Elsa could feel her inner walls clamping down on her fingers, holding her in place as she soared towards utter fulfillment, with one last swipe over Anna's dewed pearl Elsa then stopped all her deep relentless thrusting, for Anna was upon the abyss, Elsa could see it, oh there was nothing more glorious than bringing a partner to this edge, and then Anna's entire body had rippled and spasmed; her mouth opened and Elsa hungrily latched onto her, desperate to kiss her and to silence her in order to keep their secret, wanting to share this momentary emptiness with her.
Elsa had learned the value of emptiness, the glory of silence. How it ached and yearned to be written upon, to be painted, to be fulfilled!
And as Anna slowly came down from the trembling throes of her long-awaited fulfillment, Elsa felt distinct pain knife her in the heart with this razor sharp sword. From this moment on, Elsa never wanted to be parted from Anna ever again; she would do anything to remain with this red-haired, teal-eyed dynamo of a woman for the rest of their lives. Anna's dream of a little cottage was so enticing; there would be fresh flowers in vases, and Anna would somehow burn the crust of bread in the oven, and yet the night would find them meshed together.
Elsa would share this dream with her.
If only she could.
A future sword awaited them. Could nothing abate its fall?
Anna began to calm in Elsa's arms; her body slowly stilled, though she instinctively drew even closer to Elsa, burrowing into Elsa's warm body. An immense feeling of protectiveness and adoration rose up within Elsa's breast, and her eyes reddened as she held Anna close, soothing her back down to earth. It mattered not that she had not yet achieved her own release; to cause and then witness Anna's orgasm had been incredibly erotic, and already Elsa wanted to make love to her again, to slip inside Anna's body and soul and thereby discover even more of her precious cosmos.
Only two hours had passed since they had entered the pool together. Dancing with Anna had been a glorious dream, and only now was Anna's strange behaviour afterwards understandable. Once here in the safety of their chambers, no one had ever reached for Elsa with such hunger and need. Elsa finally understood why Anna had acted so strangely in the pool, going so far as to speak so harshly and shut herself away. In fact, Anna's odd behaviour had only made this act of love-making even more acute and endearing.
Remember, that without valleys there are no mountains.
As entwined as they were together, their bodies melded together, their hearts beating as one, that Elsa easily felt Anna take a slow, deep breath, released ever so gently over her full lips in a sigh.
Anna finally opened her eyes.
They were soft, open, and vulnerable. So very trusting. So very loving.
Elsa looked into their depths and knew that they were the only sea she ever wanted. Oh, she wished she could bathe in them for the rest of her natural life!
She would make these seas endless.
"My god, Elsa," Anna whispered, her words slightly slurred. "I… I never imagined…" Her words lapsed into silence as she nestled once again into Elsa's body.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Elsa couldn't help but ask.
"Not really…" Anna said, her voice muffled, obscured as it was by her head near Elsa's shoulder. "It… it was…" and only then did she lift her head once more, and oh how Elsa's soul squeezed to see Anna so love-mussed and perfect, and then Anna whispered, "…I've never felt that before. Never. In fact, I never thought I could."
Anna's hand seemed very heavy, but she lifted it to stroke Elsa's cheek. Elsa watched as Anna's eyes reddened, and then a single drop of dew trickled from her eye. "I would need a mouth as wide as the ocean to say how much I love you, Elsa. What you just shared with me…" Her voice died out, likely due to the joy that Elsa could sense within every word, and Elsa leaned forward to kiss her once more, lifting a hand to caress and hold Anna's neck as they kissed.
Anna seemed to regain some of her earlier vigour within the kiss; at one point Elsa began to withdraw, but Anna held her in place with that raised hand, her fingers outstretched in Elsa's pool-stricken hair, pressing their lips together. Her body began to shift and turn toward Elsa as the kiss went on, and Anna rediscovered the silken depths of Elsa's mouth. Elsa's personal fire had been far from doused in the course of this love-making; Anna's heated kisses stoked it anew.
How had she ever defied this woman? It was no longer possible to resist any part of her. Anna represented everything Elsa had ever wanted in life. And now she was here, ripe for Elsa's taking.
Elsa had taken her once, and would take her again. And again.
And again.
Elsa couldn't help herself; she parted Anna's legs once more with her own, insinuating her thigh between them, pressing with quiet intensity between Anna's legs and upon her core. Her own center, wet now with her arousal, pressed against Anna's hip and pelvis; she was hard-pressed not to rake herself against Anna and take what she so desperately wanted. Instead, Elsa lifted herself upwards slightly upon one elbow, not wanting to crush Anna with her own need, as she recaptured Anna's lips once more, nipping at them, sliding inside Anna's warm mouth. Anna's tongue seemed conscious and knowledgeable to her, full of secrets. Her teeth, they were strong and nourished, capable of proving a sure foundation for this time-tumbled woman.
Anna seemed slightly startled by the continued depth of Elsa's need, yet she opened her legs wider and even rubbed her mound against the hard length of Elsa's thigh. The suddenness of this movement caused a veritable firestorm within the time-travelling nurse-therapist; she growled against Anna's lips as she whispered, "My god, Anna. Do that once more, and I would take you again with no other thought for your regard."
"Then take me," Anna growled back, her fingers now scratching lightly against the skin of Elsa's back, from her shoulders to the very edges of those sensitive scars on her lower back. Elsa's entire body was displaced in a glorious shiver. "Take me, for I'm yours," Anna continued, as her fingertips then traced down Elsa's buttocks before cupping her backside and holding her close. Near savagely she kissed Elsa one more time, and then hoarsely whispered, "I need you to take me again. Please."
A rippling tide of most wanton ardour cascaded over the length of Elsa's body; with her feet she near roughly shoved Anna's legs further apart, both their limbs catching slightly upon the fresh sheets. Her hand went unerringly to that wild and divine place between Anna's legs, already slippery it was, the scent of her so appealing, the slickness so inviting!
"Don't let me hurt you," Elsa whispered, barely able to maintain her own sense of control, so overwrought she had become at Anna's body, and Anna's vulnerability. With some effort Elsa maintained her awareness; she had no desire at all to become like Anna's late husband, who had taken from her without giving in return.
"You have no power to hurt me," Anna replied, already thrusting herself upwards at Elsa once more. The softening of her previous inhibitions was so very welcoming, and Elsa's last resistance shattered.
With that, Elsa slightly curled two fingers and thrust them back inside Anna's core; Anna's entire lower back lifted from the bed as she accepted Elsa's questing hand, leaving Elsa to marvel in astonishment at the healing she had inspired, the steady fruit of her labour evident even here, even now; Anna's back had been broken once, her spirit had been broken, like a porcelain doll she had been, shattered upon the ground with tiny pieces of her scattered to the four winds!
Elsa's hand gloried in the tight feeling of her as she began to powerfully plunge inside Anna; nothing existed anymore save this, there was no past, there was no future, there was no tempestuous sea struck by a benevolent universe upon the prongs of orange lightning, no maelstrom now of time-confused soup, for her entire universe had once again distilled to this most precious type of connection. Anna's body opened even further to her as Elsa dove into her, her legs splayed in even more beauty and trust, and Elsa realized that the first orgasm had been necessary to 'break the seal', so to speak, to remind Anna that she was more than a noblewoman of Norway, more than a widowed Baroness, more than a once-paralyzed person; she was a woman, and a complete one at that, capable of expressing herself sexually. The long drought of Anna's abstinence and fear would finally end as she experienced true devotion with a loving partner.
And now that Anna had achieved one release, discovering that such glory was destined for her, this one would be different. This one would sear them together; wrap them in cords that would be near impossible to break.
Or so Elsa hoped, praying endlessly to her absent God as her eager and desperate fingers continued to delve deep inside Anna's center, twisting and turning now and again to access other parts of Anna's core, their breaths tumbling against each other, the fire in the hearth of Anna's bedchamber continuing to crackle and hiss and bathe them in waves of warmth, and, though Elsa wasn't sure she could orchestrate yet another release for her slightly older lover, she could feel Anna's body beginning to change once more.
Like a wave begins as a ripple in the depths of an unknown sea, so Anna's next orgasm seemed to begin deep inside her, gaining strength as it continued to rage towards the shore, and Elsa's thumb continued to circle and press against the taut bundle of nerves at Anna's pearl as she dared to slide another finger into Anna's beckoning body; Elsa's eyes were open wide to the firelit glory of this room, seeing all of it, wishing she could just let Anna scream aloud her satisfaction yet knowing Anna would wish otherwise, so as Anna's body tightened, her muscles locking in anticipation of the culmination of this great wave, Elsa once again covered her mouth with her own, kissing her with every fibre of her being.
Several last deep thrusts, three of her fingers now embedded deeply inside her lover. One last press against Anna's engorged bud, before holding her slick thumb there, deep and insistent.
Stillness, for a heartbeat that gaped as open as Anna's willing body. Anna's mouth opened in a wide 'O' of surprise as her entire body went taut as a bowstring; Elsa knew just what to do next, what magnificent chord she could play upon Anna's beautiful body.
Daring greatly, Elsa hoarsely commanded, "Keep your mouth closed, Anna, don't make a sound." Anna whimpered some sort of reply even as Elsa's mouth closed upon Anna's nearest breast. She swirled the tip of it with her tongue and then bit down on it, just hard enough to cause a small jolt of discomfort, though hopefully not pain.
That did it. Anna's entire body bucked, her limbs flailing under the sheets, her neck extended. She nearly bent in half, rising towards Elsa before another wave hit her, sending her back against the pillow. A keening love-cry began to emerge from the depths of her closed mouth as her limbs jerked in the sheets; Elsa let go of Anna's breast so that she could grasp her neck and kiss her again, smothering those cries, wishing, oh wishing that they could have true privacy for this, this baring of Anna's wondrous soul in the throes of heavenly release.
For some time Anna trembled and vibrated underneath her, her body covered in a glorious sheen of sweat, her juices enveloping Elsa's curious hand. She began to settle, though her eyes were still closed, and her breath still leaped in fits and starts.
Elsa would not, could not stop. She had paused while witnessing Anna's second orgasm, experiencing it with her. Yet now, chasing intuition that elongated into the very depths of time, she once again thrust her hand deeply and fully into Anna's core, and swiped that enflamed bundle of nerves with her slick thumb.
Consumed with surprise, Anna's neck muscles went tight, and her eyes actually flew open, seeking Elsa's. "Elsa….?" she gasped. She seemed composed of naught but desire warring with surprise and disbelief, as if she didn't think she could come again so quickly.
Oh, yes, she was capable of this. Anna was now capable of everything. She was Elsa's audacious girl, and nothing would ever stop her again.
"Trust me," Elsa begged, relentless now, for she needed this as much as Anna did, she needed Anna to open herself completely to her, she needed Anna to gobble her up and consume her, and then, maybe then, the universe would somehow allow Elsa to stay! "I love you, Anna, I love you so goddamn much… Come for me, darling. Come again, I know you can…"
Elsa leaned down, and with her lips she parted Anna's mouth just as her hand completely parted Anna's core, all four fingers now thrusting inside her, persistent and heated and yearning, stretching her, unfolding her, and several minutes passed before her body once again stiffened in anticipation, and then Anna exploded again, just a short time from her last shocking orgasm, and Elsa felt the waves of it smash against her structures, disintegrating her last defences, rendering all her petty worries and fears mute, for there was no way now that this woman could disbelieve her truth, Anna was a part of her now, they would somehow exist together forever, no matter what would happen to Elsa's body and future.
Moments after these consecutive orgasms, Anna's eyes rolled slightly back and she went entirely loose in Elsa's arms. Her own heart racing, Elsa tried to calm herself as she slid once again to Anna's side, cradling Anna against her body. Knowing how awful it felt to disengage too quickly, Elsa kept the majority of her hand deep inside Anna's body, a comforting presence now, a soothing connection.
It wasn't only for Anna. Elsa needed it. Elsa needed to feel her, to be part of her, for as long as she would be permitted.
Anna's skin rippled in little shocks; they were beloved to behold. How powerful Elsa felt, to be the instrument of such joy, of such connection!
"Oh, my Anna," Elsa crooned. The beauty of her was so intense that Elsa's eyes filled with tears; those tears clouded her voice and made her simple words ache with splendour.
Anna continued to settle, her body achieving a stillness and peace that seemed to connect her with the very core of the earth. She took several long, deep breaths before her hands once again sought the comfort of Elsa's body. She finally opened her eyes, though she said no words, and she mutely reached for Elsa, pushing her back on the bed and before climbing on top of her. As she moved, Elsa finally disengaged from her, gently removing her hand from Anna's center. Anna wrapped her arms around Elsa and pillowed herself on Elsa's breast.
Then she took a deep breath, letting it out in a long contented sigh. For a long time they lay together, simply breathing, simply existing. Then Anna moved her hand, dragging it along Elsa's side until she touched and held one of Elsa's breasts.
Elsa waited for her to speak. Another long time passed before Anna finally lifted her head so she could look in Elsa's eyes. "I used to think myself broken, Elsa," she said, without preamble. "Less than human. I never enjoyed the sexual act. I… performed… out of duty alone. My children were kindled in sorrow and regret and sometimes even horror. I resigned myself to this life, never believing that it could be different for me."
She reached forward and softly kissed Elsa, so meek she was, so powerful! Then she stroked Elsa's cheek and continued, "Falling in love with you changed me. Your kisses astonished me. Because I found I wanted them. And, for the first time… I wanted more. Your hesitation confounded me, Elsa. I wanted you, I wanted this, and for a time you denied me…"
"I'm so sorry," Elsa whispered, as true sorrow built cobwebs in her throat. She had been so short-sighted, thinking only of herself and her fears, not knowing how Anna suffered! "Would you forgive me?"
"Yes, I forgive you. I love you. And to experience this… I'm not broken, am I?"
"No, honey. You're not broken. You've never been broken. You're whole. You're perfect. You've always been perfect. Accident and all."
Anna's hand felt so wonderful on Elsa's breast, her entire body cuddled so nice and close. Her eyes were so tender as she continued to look at Elsa. "I can't even describe how you make me feel, Elsa. I've never felt this contented and satisfied in my whole life. But…" and her cheeks turned slightly pink in her embarrassment, how bewitching! "Was there any satisfaction at all in this for you?"
"Are you kidding me?" Elsa teased. "To be the one inside you, the one to command your body, to know that, if you were to scream, it would only be my name? Anna, it was incredibly erotic to make love to you. I had to have more of you. I … I just couldn't stop."
"As I discovered," Anna dryly replied. "I'm a little sore, Elsa."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I wouldn't change a minute of it." She took another long, deep breath, and then said, "And as much as I wish we could continue, the real world is encroaching on us…" Her eyes sought out the clock, which showed that it was already nearly half past four. "Kate will be coming at five with tea…"
"How about I draw you a bath, then, my heart?" Elsa asked. "The hours will pass swiftly. Tonight we can resume our rather… intimate activities."
"Hold me a little while longer, first?" Anna meekly asked. "He… he used to take his pleasure from me, and then turn away from me or even retreat to his dressing room. I hated sex with him, but I hated being abandoned directly afterwards as well…"
Elsa's heart, already aching with Anna's admission that she hurt a bit following the love-making, lurched once more with sympathy for Anna's blighted past. She tightened her hold on Anna's body and wrapped one of her legs even more fully around her. "If I had my way, I would hold you forever, Anna," she whispered. "I would never let you go."
"So don't start now."
"No, love. I'm here."
"Thank all the gods." Anna's hands were wrapped around Elsa's torso; once again they drifted down where her fingers could stroke the confusion of scars above Elsa's pelvis. For a long time they simply breathed together, face to face, heart to heart, Anna's fingers rubbing and caressing Elsa's mess of scars. Elsa was overjoyed to have Anna accept this part of her, this apocalypse of mangled skin on her lower back. Anna even professed to like Elsa's tattoo.
To Elsa, it was evidence of her true past, the life she had lived before being sent back in time. Anna's acceptance of it gave Elsa another glimmer of hope, that Anna would accept all of Elsa's evidence. Some of her belongings from the future had been lost in the past twelve years, but enough of it remained, the guidebook being the most illuminating of all. How glad Elsa was that she had bought it on such a whim in Larvik so long ago!
But then her meandering thoughts were halted as Anna's hand continued to explore, stroking the length of Elsa's backside. Elsa's heart began to beat faster as Anna's curious hand then found the opening between her legs. Her breath caught in her throat as Anna used her conscious, miraculously working knee to open Elsa's legs wider, and then she used one hand to pull Elsa's leg higher upon her own, giving her greater access to this previously unknown place between Elsa's legs.
Then her hand went back to Elsa's core, seeking it beneath the sheets, seeking and finding. The moment her fingers touched and slid along Elsa's center, Elsa felt a jolt of electric desire cascade through her. "You're so wet," Anna whispered as her fingers slid back and forth along her opening. Anna's voice was so soft, so curious, like a kitten!
"Of course I'm wet," Elsa whispered back, her breath becoming short. "I'm very turned on, Anna. What are you –"
Elsa's next words could not be uttered, for Anna slid one of her fingers inside her. Arching her neck with the surprise and pleasure of it, Elsa gripped her lover slightly harder as Anna's finger moved around inside her. "You feel so nice," Anna whispered, a note of wonder in her voice. She pulled her finger out slightly before pushing it back in, and Elsa desperately wanted more.
She hadn't expected Anna to try to make love to her as well; yet now that Anna had initiated something, Elsa really wanted her to continue!
"Use two," Elsa urged. "Please?"
Anna smiled and, just like that, slid another finger into Elsa's sopping center. "Like this?" Anna asked, her voice filled with joy and cheekiness.
"Yes," Elsa panted.
Side by side they faced each other on the pillows. Anna beamed with satisfaction as she concentrated on exploring Elsa, her fingers pressing in and out, again and again. She was a bit clumsy, but Elsa didn't care; Anna's openness and curiosity were as much gifts as these glorious fingers inside her. Oh, how her lady had begun to discover her true self, to embrace these aspects of her true character; how brave she was, to do all this in the second half of her life and after experiencing such devastating losses! Elsa relaxed into this sensation, glad to see Anna exploring her, experiencing her. Elsa didn't need to climax in order to enjoy this. It was enough to remember Anna as she had first seen her, pain-ridden and suicidal that day in August, and know that Elsa's efforts had truly saved Anna's life.
All Elsa's toil, all her effort, all her aching exhausted sleepless nights in her attic bedroom at Iskall Slott bringing her to this very moment, this incredible connection with Anna Arendelle as her lover.
Anna Arendelle, the lady on the postcard. The noblewoman in the guidebook. Now Elsa's closest companion, dearest friend, and secret lover.
How had it all come to this?
What had the universe seen?
And then Anna somehow twisted her hand, to better access Elsa's core, and her thumb brushed against Elsa's pearl, and Elsa bucked a bit in the sheets. "So that's the trick, is it?" Anna teased, before immediately swiping at it again.
"Anna," Elsa moaned, temporarily unable to use English words. "Three?"
Anna smiled, leaned forward and kissed Elsa, just as she slipped another finger into Elsa's core. The fullness of it, it made Elsa feel so complete! "And will you come for me, my dear?" Anna asked a few moments later, nuzzling close to Elsa's cheek. "You gave. Now you can receive."
"Then don't stop, please don't stop," Elsa breathed. She could feel a familiar tightening deep in her pelvis; she closed her eyes and sent all her thought, all her concentration to those fingers thrusting so deeply inside her, she couldn't help but clench down on Anna, wanting her release now, wanting her climax, wanting this blessed connection with this amazing woman; her breath grew even shorter as Anna's hand continued to thrust inside her, her thumb pressing and then moving back and forth across Elsa's pearl.
Her eyes closed, she could only hear as Anna hoarsely whispered, "My god, Elsa, you are so beautiful. If only you could see yourself as I see you…"
Elsa opened her eyes enough to see Anna's face there, so very pleased she was, so very womanly and joyful! Elsa grasped Anna's neck and fastened her lips on Anna's, kissing her as deeply as she could, mirroring those fingers that continued to plunge back and forth inside her. They kissed again and again, and then they could kiss no more, for Elsa's body thrust itself down as she speared herself on Anna's questing fingers; for a miracle, Anna suddenly stopped moving and merely held herself so very deeply inside Elsa; one last feather light touch on Elsa's engorged pearl was all it took and Elsa felt her entire body displace, as vast and life changing as any earthquake; her orgasm seemed to explode outwards from her pelvis, sending her limbs in endless quivering spasms.
Black specks began to float before her eyes as her body continued to thrum and vibrate in this incredibly divine release; the connection she felt with Anna was so incredible, so powerful; yet Elsa felt a certain greyness steal upon her muscles and bones in the aftermath of their love-making, and, with every fibre of her being, she forced consciousness upon herself, she couldn't pass out now!
The gauze she felt come upon her was incredibly thick and enormously enticing, beckoning to her as insidiously as any spider beckons a fly, and Elsa fought the faint, she fought the greyness, she focused all her attention upon Anna's fingers inside her, upon Anna's body entwined with her own; she flooded her beleaguered body with awareness, from the sheets upon her body to the sweat upon her brow, from the frenzied beat of her ancient heart to the concerned exhalation of her lover before her; and as Anna gently called out her name, she used that word as rope and anchor, fastening her to this moment, to this place and time.
Feeling woozy and a little sick as she recovered from her orgasm, Elsa finally opened her eyes.
Anna was there. Anna was everywhere.
And Elsa? She was nothing. She was nowhere.
"Darling?" Anna whispered, and her voice was coloured by this greyness; she had lived through the shades of night that existed on the other side of every tint of light, she had passed through similar darkness only to come out a victor, so surely she could be Elsa's guiding star now, she could be Elsa's magnetic North.
The grey subsided, beaten into submission by their conjoined suns. Elsa breathed carefully, her body still vibrating with incredible fulfillment and release.
Her eyes filled with tears, just as Anna's had. How could they love each other this much, and still be destined to part?
"Oh, my heart. Thank you," Elsa whispered, reaching out to touch Anna's cheek. "I… I had forgotten what it could be like."
"So that is what you felt when you made love to me?" Anna asked, as she slowly disengaged from Elsa. Elsa felt desolate and bereft when Anna removed her hand; she nearly asked Anna to just stay there, stay somehow inside her forever. Yet Anna clutched Elsa closely, even as she continued to speak. "I understand now. I'm a complete novice at this, Elsa, and still…" she reached out and took Elsa's nearest breast in her hand, and then rolled the tip of it between her fingers.
Elsa writhed as another, near intolerable burst of desire rocketed throughout her withering body. Elsa arched her neck back as Anna played with her, and through the slits of her eyes she could see Anna's joy, she could revel in Anna's desire.
"To know I can affect you so greatly," Anna continued. "It is… intoxicating. How will we ever leave this bed?"
"Good question," Elsa replied. "Do we really care for tea?"
"Tea will come," Anna answered, her face morphing into pensiveness. "And so will our other duties. This is real life, Elsa. We aren't children anymore." Her voice quivered a little on this last statement, and Elsa impulsively clutched her a little closer.
"No, we aren't children. But we needn't be slaves to society, either," Elsa replied. "We can choose, my heart, to stay here, to go elsewhere, to do whatever we wish."
"So little of my life has been by my choice," Anna mused. "You must abduct me, Elsa, and take me to your Canada, or your India, perhaps, and maybe then I can experience a life that I choose for myself. For when we return to Iskall Slott, I will become the Dowager Baroness Skaldenfoss. She is me. I am her. We are one. And we… we do not forget our duties. We did not choose this life, but this life is ours. My father taught me this. And… I learn my lessons. I learn them all."
Anna's voice became coloured with purple as she spoke, and Elsa sensed great heartbreak in her words.
So Elsa touched her, this woman she loved so dearly, caressing the skin that housed such invigorating fire, such renewed spirit. "And this is who I love. I love you, Anna Arendelle. I love you, Dowager Baroness Skaldenfoss. And I will love you, no matter your name, no matter your station, no matter my status in your life. Can you feel this? You are no longer one person. You are me, and I am you, and together we will stay…"
Anna's eyes widened to hear Elsa's words, and then she reached for Elsa, kissing her, holding her close. "That's all I want," she said between kisses. "Elsa, please, my darling, my heart, won't you just stay? Don't leave me, never leave me, please… please don't leave…"
Elsa thought of her father, then. How his hands had been so very competent upon the steering wheel of the car. She thought of her younger brother, who just wouldn't laugh at her jokes. She thought of the whiteness of the blizzard outside the family SUV as they had made their way home. She hadn't been scared. Such was her father's way; he had always soothed her and comforted her.
This Elsa knew that some things just didn't stay. They had all been the children of her father's old age, and thus beloved and cherished.
Her mother, Idunn, had never remarried after her father's death. Her love for Agdar had been that complete. His passing had rendered her love mute; she had carried his legacy into the future, she had somehow survived without him, managing the farm, the horses, the finances, her unruly children who just left to go to India… all until orange lightning had struck a cruise ship and carried her beneath unforgiving waves in a far-off sea.
Even now Elsa wondered if her mother had somehow survived the accident. Did she live on, in some future that Elsa would never again experience? Or had she truly perished in this accident, this cataclysm between times and worlds?
Elsa would never know. Some things just could not be known.
Even her own fate, her own future.
So Elsa focused again upon her love, her Anna, the woman in the postcard, the woman in the guidebook.
For the now was enough.
The now had everything Elsa ever needed.
"Anna, my heart," she whispered, her heart breaking. "Please, don't ask this of me. I love you. I love you more than I can express with mere words, but I just cannot stay…."
Anna gently turned her head away; she closed her eyes and a single tear eked out to trickle down her cheek. "I'm trying to understand," she whispered. "I'm trying to tell myself that you have no choice, that it has nothing to do with me." She turned to look back at Elsa. The sheer agony in her eyes sliced through Elsa with near physical force. "But I find I'm selfish, Elsa. I know you must serve others. I know this is your gift, your purpose in life. But I want you with me. I want to keep you." More tears trickled, unchecked, down her face. "Am I diminished in your eyes?" she asked, echoing Elsa's own words of a few days ago. "You see what creature I have become?"
"No," Elsa cried, holding Anna closer. Her heart yearned to unburden her secrets, to pack them along Anna's healing body, to have her beloved one share the weight of them, but her mind shrieked at her.
You must wait! Do nothing to shatter her, not this close to Christmas!
Elsa loved Anna. And she had no desire to make Anna into a mule, to mindlessly carry the heavy weight of all of Elsa's secrets. One she would tell, this very day or the next. The last, she would keep.
"You could never be diminished," Elsa continued, stroking Anna's naked back. She could feel her love quivering in her arms. "You are a Baroness, Anna. You say you cannot leave your duties, leave your title, abandon your responsibilities. Neither can I. Fate has brought us together, for a time. Beloved, couldn't this be enough? At least for now?"
"It must be enough," Anna sighed. "Did I think otherwise, I should surely go mad." She reached forward and kissed Elsa's soft lips. "You just called me beloved."
"For that is what you are. What you will always be."
"You are no less to me. Never forget it, Elsa."
"I won't."
…
They held each other in the sheets for a little while longer, unspeaking, barely moving. Then, by some unspoken agreement, Elsa rose, drew on a robe, and hastened to the bathing chamber. She swiftly sponged herself off, the water somewhat chilly, washing away the evidence of their love-making. Then she poured hotter water into the large tub, preparing it for Anna.
Elsa knew her place, her position in Anna's life, even if Anna herself would claim otherwise.
The clock was ticking, only ten minutes to five now, and they well knew how prompt Kate was. Elsa returned to Anna's bedchamber, and saw that Anna's eyes were softly wounded, changed they were, no longer the same eyes they had been several hours ago, for they had seen much, and experienced much. Their separate worlds had finally collided, and the dissipating energy of that collision could be seen upon their altered countenances, their softened features.
They had been in love with each other. But there was divinity in love-making, a celestial quality to this connection, that had changed them both forever. Elsa had only to look at her lover to see it. The stamp of it was so apparent on Anna's features that Elsa wondered if she bore the same mark; if so, how dared they appear in public? Wouldn't anyone with eyes be able to see them and their deepened regard for each other?
Even as she mentally asked the question, Elsa knew the answer. It would be no. People had lost the ability to see. Society had altered them, reduced their abilities to the barest quotient needed for everyday survival. They did not see the other world that co-existed with this one. Only when catastrophe beckoned, when personal towers were struck by lightning only to crumble, did people realize what had been there all along.
And these people, lightning-struck as Elsa could call them, if they saw she and Anna and knew their love, they would not judge at all. They could only celebrate that two souls had found such blessed communion.
For that was the nature of those struck by celestial lightning. It disintegrated them. It dissolved their inherent structures. From the rubble it enabled them to build anew.
Just as Elsa had been struck by lightning, and built anew.
And now? Now Elsa could truly see.
And what she saw enchanted her, and made her believe in a benevolent universe.
What did she see?
Anna in the sheets.
Her beloved was curled within them, her body oriented towards Elsa, her face still streaked with tears yet filled with hope. Her hair was a messy cloud, how endearing! Elsa saw the peak of one breast shyly peeking out from the covers; it sagged with age and experience, yet Elsa easily remembered taking it in her mouth and worshipping it.
Anna lifted her arms and wordlessly begged for Elsa to lift her; Elsa did so, her mangled back screeching in distant agony as it always did these days whenever she had to lift Anna. Anna was completely naked in her arms as was Elsa herself; Elsa cradled her close as she carried her into the bathing chamber and carefully set her down amidst the sudsy warm water; Elsa remembered a similar bath from the day of Anna's worst pain, the day she thought she had lost Anna forever.
Yet Anna was hers. Now and forever.
She carefully set Anna in the tub. Her lady took a deep breath, hissing lightly in pleasure as Elsa settled her into the tub.
"I must greet Kate," Elsa whispered. "I'll come back as soon as I'm able."
"I'll be waiting," Anna replied.
Elsa could not just leave her. She knelt at the edge of the tub, took Anna's face in her hands, and kissed her again. As she kissed Anna, their lips moving so softly and tenderly against each other, she could taste a hint of salt and wondered just whose tears had slipped between them.
So Elsa finally rose, and she could not look behind her as she left the bathing chamber; did she so, she would be completely undone. She could easily picture Anna in her mind's eye, sitting with her knees tented in the tub, her head resting against the edge, her throat exposed, long red hair streaked with gray trailing down over the rim; as a nurse, Elsa had seen this many times. Should she see it this moment as a lover, she would not be able to resist going back to her and somehow taking her again.
Elsa swiftly went to her own room, drew on fresh undergarments and a simple day dress. Her eyes sought out and found her perpetually locked trunk; deep within it was a burlap sack, and in that sack was her North Face backpack and all the treasures therein. As she combed her hair and twisted it up on her head, she silently pled with all her gods and ancestors for guidance and wisdom, to share what needed to be shared, in the right time, in the right way.
No sooner had she finished dressing and fixing her hair than she heard the rattling of keys in the lock. "My lady?" Kate called out as she entered the room.
Elsa plastered a smile on her face and went out into the lounge. "Good afternoon, Kate," she said, with a nod for the maid.
"Good afternoon, Miss Wolff," Kate replied. She bustled in with the tray of tea; the steaming pot was accompanied by several scones, a small bowl of berries, and a pot of clotted cream. "You have some post," she continued, reaching into her apron to fetch two letters. Elsa took them without looking at them; surely they were both for Anna.
"Thank you, my dear," Elsa replied.
"And where will you dine this evening?" Kate asked.
"My lady is not well," Elsa easily lied. "Let us dine here in our chambers."
"Very good, Miss Wolff."
Kate bobbed her head one last time as she left the room, locking the door behind her. Elsa glanced down at the letters; a shiver of anticipation rushed through her as she noticed a letter addressed to her. She recognized the somewhat scrawling script of her Master's disciple in London. What did he want with her? She flipped to the second letter, and it was from Anna's daughter, Ingrid.
Conquering her desire to tear open her letter, Elsa left them both by the tray of tea on the table as she returned to the bathing chamber. She knocked on the closed door and heard Anna bid her enter. Elsa went in, closing the door again behind her; all it took was one glance and she knew she would never again be able to look at Anna as just a nurse. One glance, and she was aroused yet again by the sight of Anna's body, there in the foam.
Anna had started to wash herself, lifting one leg after another and swiping them with the cloth. Elsa strayed closer to her, staring at that expanse of leg. All thought of letters quickly faded, erased yet again by desire.
Anna cleared her throat and Elsa finally looked up at her face. "See something you like?" Anna asked, her voice regaining a hint of its earlier playfulness.
"Obviously, yes. Shall I wash your hair, Anna?"
"No, I think not." Anna looked at Elsa with a particularly strong gaze, and in her teal eyes Elsa could see the Baroness Skaldenfoss as well; she was thrilled to her bones to know that the Baroness also loved her, and desired her. "Take off your clothes, Elsa."
Elsa blinked in surprise, but she did as the Baroness asked. Feeling slightly shy, Elsa slipped out of her day dress, until she stood before her lady in her smallclothes. Those she also drew off, her skin pebbling now with the cold air. She set all her clothes aside and then stood there, feeling slightly nervous to be so exposed. It was one thing to be naked in the sheets, in the veiled dark of a bedchamber, and quite another to be exposed in bright electric light; she blushed as the Baroness continued to regard her with that strong appreciative gaze.
The precious moment elongated, for Anna Arendelle, the Dowager Baroness Skaldenfoss, was enchanted by what she saw before her.
Elsa's body had been touched by age, marred by experience, yet she was the most beautiful woman Anna had ever seen. Her eyes were soft and tender as she stood by the tub, her silvery-white hair slightly mussed in its braid from their love-making. In this day of Anna finally getting everything she wanted, she wanted one thing more, and would have it.
Anna had never bathed with a partner before. The idea had crossed her mind many times in the last month, especially when she and Elsa had been recuperating from their swim in the steamy pool in the cave. To have Elsa so close to her in the water, but be unable to touch her and hold her… Elsa was hers now, and Anna would get what she wanted.
"Come join me in the tub," Anna softly commanded, patting the surface of the water before her. "Please."
Elsa smiled and approached the tub. She put a hand on the edge and carefully climbed in, lowering herself into the water. She glanced over her shoulder to be sure not to knock into Anna's body as she settled in; Anna opened her legs wide to cradle Elsa between them. And then there she was, in the steaming water with Anna, emitting a similar hiss of appreciation for its heat and slickness.
Anna lifted her arms and said, "Come to me, my darling." With her hands she urged Elsa to lean back, until her head was pillowed on Anna's shoulder. Anna wrapped her arms around Elsa and then murmured, "Oh, this is nice." Elsa chuckled, low and dear, as Anna continued, "I just couldn't return to the real world so abruptly. Besides, I've dreamed of this."
"I have as well, love," Elsa replied, her hands roaming over Anna's skin, caressing the joints of Anna's knees. "How I love these small and simple things. A bath tub. Hot water. And Anna, my own, my love." She continued to run her hands down Anna's leg, bending Anna's knee slightly so she could take and massage Anna's foot.
A burst of pleasure, clean and pure, rocketed through Anna's frame as Elsa massaged her foot. But then Anna mastered herself, and she turned to Elsa's ear, so close to her, and said, "I don't need a therapist right now, Elsa. I just need you. Put my foot down, darling, and give me your lips."
Wordless, Elsa put down Anna's foot, and then slightly shifted in the tub so they could see each other.
Anna looked at her.
And Anna saw.
Their act of love-making had changed Elsa in subtle and minute ways; her countenance had softened, and the small worry lines she wore upon her forehead seemed eased. Yet a shadow remained, haunting her eyes, painting a dolorous colour on her cheeks; earlier she had admitted to lying to Anna, in order to protect her. Anna could see that lie on her face, even now. It clouded her, made her weak, made her small. There was nothing Elsa could say or do that would change how Anna felt about her; Anna yearned for the opportunity to prove her loyalty and her love.
Today was the day for making her dreams come true. She would find out the truth about Elsa, the book, and the lightning. More than a week ago, it had been, when Elsa had shivered in the sheets and spoken strange and astonishing words. Anna still remembered them; those words had been branded into her memory with the cherry-hot scorch of a poker; just like a lamb Anna had been seared with them, and she murmured them in the cavern of her mind like a mantra even now, as she had done a million times before…
The thunder, the waves, the lightning! Mom, no!
The lightning is orange, don't let it take me again.
Anna, you're alive?
Anna Arendelle died decades ago. In September of 1924, of sudden infection.
The book said you died, no one was there to save you.
Anna would discover the truth. Elsa would uncover her lie. Anna would forgive her for it. Then their lives could go on without this pall hanging over them.
But here and now? Anna would have this blessed experience first.
Anna lifted her hand from the warm embrace of the water and touched Elsa's chin, tilting her perfect face. Her other hand stroked Elsa's shoulder before dipping down into the water, down, down to the warm mound of Elsa's breast. She cupped Elsa's breast with her hand and lightly squeezed as her mouth descended on Elsa's, their lips connecting in a deep and lingering kiss.
And never in all her life had Anna believed that such intimacy was actually attainable; that she could feel her heart just expand and grow like this, that she could feel her soul on the very edge of her tongue as she ran it over Elsa's lips before dipping so exquisitely inside; she never believed that she would feel love like this, love that both scorched and rejuvenated her; that she could feel skin under one hand, pillowed and divine, and lips under her mouth; lips that moved and gave; a body that was simultaneously still yet coiled and expectant underneath her; Elsa melted in her arms, giving herself up so completely, and it was this unspoken surrender that caused such devotion and fire to roar in Anna's heart; she drew her hand further down Elsa's body as she kissed her again; she felt Elsa gasp in her mouth, taking Anna's own gift of air and sustenance; the water so warm around them, embracing them in a primordial sea; and as Anna slowly devoured Elsa's lips her hand again travelled down to the very core of Elsa's being.
And as Anna cupped her there between her legs, she felt Elsa's breath tilt in her mouth, and a half-cry, half-gasp came from her lips. "Anna," she whispered, speaking Anna's name into the vastness of Anna's mouth, and it filled her, it invigorated her, it was like the very universe was acknowledging her, and speaking her true name.
One of Elsa's hands still clutched Anna's knee, near-submerged in the water. The other lifted and held Anna's neck, holding her in place as their kisses doubled in brilliance and intensity. Anna held Elsa's core in her hand as she continued a steady assault on Elsa's lips; how bold she felt, how daring! Elsa's willingness and submission combined with her need for Anna made such an intoxicating mixture that Anna wondered if she could ever tire of it. The bath was a perfect womb for lovers; Anna shifted slightly so she could dip her fingers back inside Elsa. Elsa suddenly broke away from her, her grip now taut on Anna's skin.
Lips only a hairs-breadth away from each other, Elsa whispered, "Oh…" Her voice was husky and rough.
"You are mine, Elsa," Anna whispered. "Your body is mine. Your soul is mine." Her other hand encircled Elsa's breast and squeezed. "Understand?"
"God, yes," Elsa breathed. "Anna, may I take you back into the bedroom? Please?"
"No," Anna replied. "You may not. We are having a bath, Elsa. There is no rush now. There is no hurry. There is time for all good things. And this, my darling, my beloved, is a very good thing." Anna didn't know exactly where her boldness came from; she only knew she had to prolong this experience, the first time she had ever bathed with a lover.
She felt Elsa curl her knees in the water as she spread her legs, giving Anna greater access to the core of her. There was energy and excitement in the water that Anna acknowledged but did not succumb to; all of Elsa's writhing, twisting energy Anna merely absorbed, continuing her steady and loving onslaught of her center. When words came to her mind, she spoke them without thinking, just as she had done the night of the aurora. "This is your body, Elsa. I feel it under my hands. It is glorious. It is divine. Look at your muscles, how they tremble. Look at your hands, how they clutch my skin. I love all of you, Elsa Wolff. I love your mouth. I love your heart. I love the mangled mess of scars upon your back, the space where you gave up a kidney for my son. And I most definitely love your soul." Her voice grew a bit thick as she continued, "And I will continue to love you for the rest of my life. No matter what happens to us."
Elsa's eyes were wide and childlike as she listened to Anna's words. A droplet of peace came between them. Then she whispered, "Please, kiss me again, Anna."
Every time Elsa asked something of her, Anna felt stronger, bolder, infinitely lovelier. This was no different. With one hand between Elsa's legs and the other holding Elsa's breast, Anna once more took Elsa's lips with her own, and though Elsa tried to ensnare her with excitement, with heat and deliverance, Anna resisted, forcing slowness and stillness upon them both, making her love a decadent, glorious thing; knowing that Elsa might not achieve release here in the bathwater, but that Elsa would feel loved; the extravagance of Anna's regard was what mattered most, this languor, this abundance; and finally Elsa began to relax under her, to share the sleekness of her own fingers upon Anna's skin, trailing up the inside of Anna's thigh.
When the kiss broke, Anna bowed her head to Elsa's wet shoulder, and kissed it as well. Then she stilled her fingers, there inside Elsa, and lifted her head to whisper, "I love you so much, Elsa. I speak these words, but they are inadequate to express how I feel towards you. You… you are like air. Like bread. Like water. I… to be honest, I don't know if I can live without you."
Elsa did not immediately reply. She had one hand on Anna's shoulder, the other under the joint of Anna's knee. She looked at Anna, her blue eyes soft and dewy, her face marred only by the shadow of her secret.
"You really feel this way towards me, don't you?" Elsa breathed.
"Yes."
Pause.
"I would like to give you my truth, Anna. My truth about a certain book. About lightning. About… what happened to me, and my family."
Anna's heart stuck in her throat. She moistened her lips as she replied, "I would gladly accept your truth, Elsa."
"Oh, how I hope you do," Elsa breathed. Suddenly vulnerable and small, Elsa twisted slightly in the bathwater, and Anna allowed her hand to trail away from her center. Elsa curled up against her, her knees tucked together, and rested her head over Anna's heart.
Anna wrapped her arms around Elsa and felt once again that roaring sense of protectiveness and might. Elsa trembled a little in her arms; why was she so nervous? Did she doubt Anna's regard? While Anna couldn't make heads or tails of Elsa's cryptic statements, there was nothing Elsa could say or do that could change Anna's affection.
The water was cooling, and Anna's back was beginning to ache. Regretfully, she finally whispered, "Let's go have tea, Elsa. And you can muster up whatever courage you need to tell me your truth." She kissed the top of Elsa's head.
"Must we go?" Elsa plaintively asked.
"Moments may wax and wane, my heart," Anna said. "But our love is eternal." Another cramp delved into her lower back, and Anna tried to control her wince.
Elsa lifted her head. "Anna?" she asked. "Is it your back?"
"Yes," Anna admitted. "But no fretting. Not on a day where all my wishes come true."
Elsa flashed her a quick smile in acknowledgment of Anna's sentiment, but her face was a study of misgiving and even fear. She rose from the tub, slicking the water away from her body with practiced movements of her hands and wrists. She gingerly stepped out and quickly dried herself off with a nearby towel. Anna's eyes still hadn't had enough of her; she yet devoured the sight of Elsa's naked body, hidden to her all these weeks.
Then Elsa turned to Anna, arms outstretched, ready to lift her and take her to her room.
Anna, gifted with the ability to see, this day above all others, saw something she just could not understand.
And the sight of it caused fresh misgiving to prick like thorns in her heart.
"Elsa?" Anna asked.
"Yes, love?"
"Why are you so scared?"
...
A/N: Dear readers. I have a small request. Life has become difficult again. This story means a great deal to me. I ask, if the story means something to you, please give me a review or send me a PM. It will help me persevere through the tough times.
See you soon, for Chapter 25: The Book, The Sea, and The Lightning