"Wake up Fenris… wake up…"
A moment of searing pain was followed by something warm, something soothing, like soaking in a heated milk bath. A velvet touch chased away pain, stirred the forgotten and chased even the cruelty away. Hawke's touch never did that. Magic was never this… beautiful.
Magic… in him…
Fenris sat up with a startled gasp. The bath was starting to cool. He must have fallen asleep in it. How rare. No wonder his chest ached and he felt like he swallowed water. He climbed from the tub, bare feet landing on heated marble. For a moment he didn't remember where he was. His mansion never had a marble bathing room. Those were only in Tevinter. He stiffened. Had Tevinter slavers plucked him from the sea?
He sank into his usual wary stance, brands illuminating. He tried to sidestep into the Fade… and couldn't. His shoulders sagged and the blue light died away. So this is how it would be. Trapped once again. Where was Anders? Did they kill him?
"Wake up… Don't leave me…"
The voice seemed almost inside his head and yet so very far away. Fenris dressed in his black leggings and dark green vest before prowling out into the hallway. His vision kept blurb at the edges of awareness. Maybe he had been drugged in order to get him this far. So where was everyone? Where were the slaves? The magisters? Who caught him?
A slave human stepped out from a room. Startled, he dropped his mage staff and sank to his knees, supplicating till his face touched the floor. "I am sorry master, I did not see you had woken. Do you need anything?"
Fenris looked over one shoulder then the other before he realized the young mage had spoken to him. Then it hit him. I am in the Fade! He scowled, "Be gone demon. Even in my dreams there are no slaves, not even of the mage variety."
The weak demon spirit evaporated.
Fenris huffed out a breath. Great, stuck in the Fade. Last time he was here proved very bad. Anders had warned him to not give into any demons, to just say NO. And what had he done? Just the opposite. Now he searched for a way out, unable to just will himself out. There had to be some door that would free him to reality.
He found a locked door. Familiar voices echoed in muffles behind it. AHA! He shoved, he kicked, and even threw his body against it. "Open! Vanhedis! OPEN!"
After raging at it for several minutes, it finally gave way. He stumbled awake onto Athenril's ship. Hawke was yelling commands to Varric and Isabella. Athenril directed her sailors. Fenris' head throbbed. He must have fallen and hit it as the ship rocked hard in the rough waters. At last! Back where he needed to be. Hawke was here and several others.
"Fenris! I thought you wouldn't wake!" Hawke stepped up beside him. "It was hell getting you back from that damned blighted magister."
"But how?" Fenris seemed, no not seemed, definitely was confused.
"I had arrived at the port to meet with Athenril. Isabella's ship was badly damaged fighting to get you back." Hawke reached into Fenris' hair. "That lump is pretty bad. You feel ok? Need to lie down? I think we can handle the run from here. Just go get some sleep."
Fenris nodded as he turned to head down to the small room he had used… with Anders. ANDERS! "Hawke? Where's Anders? Were you able to free him? I need to speak to him."
Hawke gave his usual crooked grin. "You need rest, my friend. I'll be down with you once we are safe." The grin faded. "About Anders, I tried. I really did. When the magisters took you, he called upon Justice to fight them. He gave in too far."
Fenris' eyes grew wide, his mouth hung open a moment. "No… oh no…"
"We lost him." Hawke looked away, devastated. "Go on to bed. I'll see you soon."
Fenris looked out at the rough sea and the retreating smuggler islands. A hollow ache twisted in his chest. How long was he out? How much did he miss? He never got to tell Anders anything. There was so much to say. He grimaced and rubbed his chest. All their efforts. All Hawke tried to do. The hunt in Tevinter. All the watching and caring Fenris did. And they all failed Anders in the end. And why? How? Because Anders valued Fenris' life more than his own soul.
"No… NOOO!" The scream ripped from Fenris with more fury and anguish than he had ever felt for anyone. He dug his fingers into his hair not believing. "No… He was… right there…" The memory flickers in his mind. Anders had been right there, watching a magister suffocate. Then in the fall to the sea, Anders was there again, way above him reaching for him. Then again in the water, in the icy dark water. He had jumped a hundred feet in to save him. To breathe life back into him.
"P-please wake up, Fenris." He could almost hear Anders' soft emotion-filled words in his ear.
Hawke stepped closer. "I am sorry. I know you tried to keep your promise. But you need to lie down and rest, Fenris. That bump on your head will only make things disorienting." Hawke pressed a small kiss to Fenris' brow.
Why did Hawke kiss him?
I am still in the Fade.
He shoved Hawke back, "No! You are NOT Hawke."
The sloth demon reformed from Hawke's body, "But you are so tired and your ordeal so difficult. Rest will help you heal, help you forget the pain."
"Just say no, that is what Anders told me. I will not give in again. So… NO!" yelled Fenris. He had, however, no weapons to fight the demon.
"P-please wake up, Fenris."
Fenris roared, flaring his brands as bright as he could. If he can use them to step partly into the fade, then maybe he can use them to step out of it.
The ship shattered and water rushed over it, sweeping crew and friends into its depths. "Anders!" he called out. "ANDERS!" The ship tossed him into its depths to swallow him.
Frantically he thrashed and came up for air gasping, tattoos shining brilliantly. He was still screaming for Anders when the warmth of the very man he called for had registered. Anders held him down. Fenris clung suddenly to him as if the water would steal him under again. His chest heaved in fast deep breaths till he managed to calm. The small ship cabin faded into darkness. It was a safe darkness, Anders was there. Alive. His healing magic familiar over Fenris' body. The scent of elfroot on the mage's hands and clothes. The annoying yet wonderful near sobs into his shoulder. The itch of the rough spun blankets of the cramped bed. This was real. This… this uncomfortable place was real and he loved ever vile bit of it.
He turned his head to see those dark sun through honey eyes staring with so much worry into his own. "I heard you, mage… I heard you calling me. You… you saved my life." He buried his face into Anders's chest, needed to be held, anchored to life and the waking world.
Those eyes crinkled in the corners as Anders smiled. "I'd do it again."
Something felt different though. "Anders? Am I naked?"
"Uh… yes…"
Fenris groaned, but did not move and did not tell Anders to move. He still held onto the mage, soaking up the warmth of him, soaking in the strong heart beat and damp cheeks. He thought about how this felt, being touched by Anders with and without the magic. It wasn't like Danarius. There was no sense of control, no pain. There was no overwhelming rush of sensation or memories either. There was just… Anders. And some residual healing magic, but that too was Anders.
Fenris swallowed. For a moment he thought about tasting those lips again. They were so close. But Anders didn't want that, not again, not unless Fenris really really meant it. "Are you going to hold me any longer?"
Anders blushed and started to pull away, mumbling an apology. Fenris gripped tighter to prevent him. In those honey amber eyes shook with a question.
"Stay. I don't want to be alone right now. The sea might take me again if you are not here."
Anders relaxed back down beside Fenris, arms enfolding protectively around him.