25

6:36 am. Not exactly sleeping in but it was better that I wake up early and sneak back to Rachel's room before anyone notices. I rolled over so I could give Jake a kiss but he was gone. I frowned and glanced around the tiny room. I was wearing an oversized t-shirt and I quickly grabbed my bra and sweatpants that I'd discarded on the floor last night. We hadn't done anything major, just kissing and sleeping and talking. It'd been a nice night.

I filed out of the room and into Rachel's where she was sleeping silently. The cordless phone was lying by her head and I had to laugh at that. The house was otherwise silent so I knew I was safe. Going back to sleep wasn't an option, once I was up, I was up. I searched in my suitcase for a book trying not to wake up Rachel and then scurried out of the room and out of the house. It was a beautiful morning. I could smell distant rain but it wasn't raining now and I decided to take advantage of that. It wasn't sunny but it wasn't boring and grey either so I took that as a good sign.

I looked down to the beach but realized it'd be too chilly and I didn't feel like being cold. A thought struck me, I hadn't been in Jake's shed in forever and the idea made happy shivers go up my spine. I raced quickly down the path falling twice, once on my wrists and the other time on my knees but I finally made it to the shed with only dirt to show for it.

I heard clanging and battering and then something being thrown against the shed that made a loud noise. I winced slightly wondering why Jacob was throwing things. I crept into the shed and saw him holding a screwdriver before quickly launching it at the shed wall. "JAKE!" I shouted as the screwdriver fell onto a pile of nails and bolts and everything went dancing onto the floor. He turned and looked at me and his mask was on. I couldn't understand why. "What's wrong?" I said concerned. I walked towards him and took his hands. He was shaking. Hard. "Jacob Black relax!" He continued to tremble and I looked up and tried to find his mouth but he turned sharply and nudged me off a little harshly. "What's wrong with you?" I snapped as I stumbled a little trying to regain my balance. "You! I—you just—can't you see?" He was hurting that was obvious. I had hurt Jacob and I didn't even know why. "Jake, please, are you okay? I don't know what I did." I took another step toward him and reached for his hand. He reluctantly let me hold it and I sighed in relief at the progress made. "Please Jake. I don't like when you hurt." I put my palm against his cheek and he leaned into slightly but I could tell he was torn. He opened his eyes suddenly and stared at me intensely. "Vampires." I winced and drew my hand back. "Cullens." I froze and felt my lip trembling. "Alice. Rosalie. Jasper. Emmet. Carlisle. Esme." With each name my heart thumped loudly in my ears. I had pulled my hands away from him and was holding my sides without even realizing. Holding myself together seemed so normal. "Victoria. James. Laurent." I frowned, James was dead. What was he talking about? I turned my tear filled eyes towards Jake. "Edward." He said slowly and surely. I closed my eyes and two single tears fell silently down my face. I was trembling slowly and my arms were turning white with how hard I was holding myself in one piece. "See, that's exactly it. That's why. Now you see." He stepped back and began to make his way to the exit. "Wait? What?" I whispered almost silently. I knew he'd heard. "I can't take that anymore Bella."

"Take what! Jake cut the bullshit I need some straight answers! Are the vampires back?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

"You'd like that wouldn't you? You'd like for everything to go back to normal? For me to go away would be worth it if you could have your stupid blood sucking buddies back wouldn't it?" I winced at his words. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all the progress we'd made together I thought we were past all this.

"Jake—we've talked about this. That part of my life is--,"

"YOU STILL DREAM ABOUT HIM BELLA!" He screamed. I cowered slightly as his shape blurred strongly. "You were repeating his name over and over and over last night. I can't fucking believe this. You still love him Bella. It's been so long! Why are you still in love with him when he left you? Why are you still in love with him when he's gone and isn't ever coming back? Why are you still in love with someone that hurt you this much! Why are you still in love with him when I'm crazy in love with you?" His voice cracked on the last words and I couldn't hold back my tears. They began to flow freely. How stupid of me. I was a stupid life ruiner and I wanted nothing more then to just be completely wiped off this face of the earth. "Every time you said his name I broke. I feel broken Bella. I need you in my life but I'm obviously not good enough for you. I can't take you wincing every time I say their names. I can't take you trembling at the thought of vampires returning here. I can't watch you wrap your arms around yourself every single god damn time you think about them. I can see you Bella, you have no idea how protective I feel of you. I notice when you're hurting. Every time you're sad and hurt it's because you're thinking of them. I can't stand when you cry. It hurts more then any physical pain I've ever felt." I'd completely forgotten how observant Jake was. How did this happen? How did I manage to completely screw up everything?

"Jake—I can't control what I say or feel in my dreams. I—I wish I could just make everything stop and go back and change what you heard but I can't. Jake you have no idea how happy you make me. I need you too! This isn't a one side battle where you're fighting for something. I'm fighting for you too. You just need to give me time Jacob. I can't just make that hurt go away because I was really hurting. My body has been broken beyond repair but you fixed it! Jake you saved my life. Please don't give up on me like everyone else." I was sobbing now. I was barely getting my words out but it was important that he knew how I felt and especially how he made me feel.

"But—it's so hard." His voice was getting softer.

"I know Jake I know—I—I'm going to try. Please don't leave me." I was pleading with him.

"Promise me. Promise me you're going to be with me." His voice was thick with tears he was trying to hide from me. He wanted me to move on from my past because it was so far away, and he wanted me to give myself to him.

I was ready. I was ready to move on, I might say Edwards name in my dreams but I was forcing myself through the obstacle and moving on with my life. I owed Jacob that and I owed myself that. It'd been too long and waiting around for something that wasn't coming back wasn't good for me or Jake or for anyone. I was finished with my old life. I was moving on. I was doing it for Jake and myself. I was ready. "I promise." I whispered taking Jake's face between my hands and standing on my tiptoes. "I think I'm in love you too Jacob Black." His eyes were still staring in the distance. He was still torn. "Jake what do I have to do. I—I don't know what to say. I'm ready to be with you Jake. I love you. I need you. You're not just my best friend anymore Jake. Kissing you is like magic. I feel like I'm floating every time you touch me. I feel a glow come over me when I see you walk into a room. You're smile lights up my world. You were my sun when I needed you then and you still are. My life revolves around you now. If you're unhappy so am I. If you want me to leave I will but I really don't want to leave you. Look at me, please." He finally turned his head and we locked eyes for a brief moment. "Okay." Was all he said. I smiled through my tears and reached up and kissed him on his mouth hard. He kissed me back and soon his fingers were twirled in my hair and my arms were flung around his neck gripping him for dear life. I couldn't lose him. I refused to lose Jacob. I forced our bodies closer together wishing I could do more to prove how insignificant I was without him.

When we broke apart I looked to my left and saw a half finish car with comfortable and spacious looking seats. "What's that?"

"Chevy Impala '68. A little project I've been working on." I then realized how I was going to tell Jacob how much he meant to me. It was early in the morning so I knew we wouldn't get interrupted. I took Jake's hand and maneuvered over to the car. I pulled him down on top of me and we started kissing again. I pulled his shirt off and he slipped mine off easily. I was looking at him and he realized what this meant. This wasn't just fooling around. This had meaning. This was special.

"Bella Swan, I'm in love with you."

"Jacob Black, I'm in love with you too."

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