Chapter 25

Quinn sat in her dressing room trying her hardest not to hyperventilate. She had an hour until the wedding began. One hour. She reached onto the end table next to the coach she was sitting on and took a sip of her wine, looking around the room for Rachel. "Rach, can you grab me that rag?"

"Oh God, you didn't spill on your dress, did you?" Rachel asked, rushing over to Quinn. "What's wrong?"

"I don't think I can do this," Quinn shook her head nervously as she took the rag and wiped her forehead. She was sweating so much she had to take her veil off. She had already taken off her shoes but she still felt like she was roasting in an oven. "What if I forget my vows? What if I get up there and I can't speak?"

Rachel frowned and walked over to the table that held some pre-wedding snacks for the bridal party. "What is wrong with you? You definitely don't have stage fright, why are you so nervous?"

"I don't know," she sighed, taking a few deep breaths. "I need something to eat. Can you grab me one of those cupcakes?"

She shook her head a little. "Q, eating too much is just going to make you more nervous. You know what happens when you eat too much before a performance. This is the same thing. You need to stop stressing, you'll be fine. Just go out there and get married. So many girls wish they could be marrying Noah Puckerman. I'm getting a little jealous myself, not of you and Puck but I kind of want to get married now. Just get it done and I promise it will be worth all of the nerves and anxiety. I'm gonna go find the rest of your bridesmaids."

Quinn nodded a little as Rachel left then stood up and walked over to the food. Don't do it, Quinn. You don't need it.

Just as Quinn was about to reach out and take a muffin, there was a knock on the door and she pulled her hand away. "Who is it?" She asked, her voice shaking. She started to chew on a carrot while she waited for the person to reply.

"It's Finn, can I come in?" Finn asked as he started to open the door. Quinn didn't reply just grabbed a blueberry muffin and began to peel off the cover. "You okay? You look a little…you know, freaked out."

"I'm fine," Quinn nodded as she took a bite of her muffin. "I think I'm just hungry; I haven't eaten all day."

Finn nodded. "Okay, well Puck just wanted me to make sure you were ready to start, the priest just got here and he wants to know if you'll be ready to start a little early."

Quinn shook her head just as she took the last small bite of the muffin, tossing her napkin into the trash. "Why did he come early? What if some people are running a little late? I think we should start at the normal time, plus I have to touch up some of my makeup, I've been sweating."

"Okay, sounds good, I'll let him know," Finn said, smiling a little at her before leaving the room.

Quinn nodded at him, attempting a smile, and then took a strawberry off of the table, eating it in one bite. You know this isn't good for you, you'll bloat and look bad for the wedding. She kept telling herself not to eat anymore but each bite calmed her down a little bit more. She grabbed another muffin and then realized her hands were sticky from eating a cupcake so she ran to the bathroom to wash her hands. When she finished washing her hands, she checked the clock. She had exactly 43 minutes. Wiping her forehead again with the bathroom towel, she fell to floor and laid her head against the wall, staring at the sink in front of her.

All she could think about was Nick, the captain of the basketball team, her first love. Alison, her best friend, the girl she thought she could trust. Puck, the love of her life, the only guy she could imagine spending the rest of her life with. Rachel, the only person she felt she could truly trust anymore other than Finn and Puck. But if she had learned anything from what happened with Nick and Alison, it was that she couldn't really trust anyone.

I'm getting a little jealous myself. Rachel had said earlier. Jealous? Why was Rachel jealous of her? She began to think back to two years earlier when she first met Rachel. She hadn't met Puck and was trying to find a roommate because she needed to pay off her college loans. She remembered how beautiful she thought Rachel was when they first met. She was so thin and she knew exactly what she wanted with her life.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be a big Broadway star. This is only my first show but I feel like it could really be the start of something, you know?" Rachel asked as they were walking backstage after rehearsal. "What about you, what do you want to do with your life?"

"This is my first show. I just graduated last year," Quinn shrugged. "I don't really know what I want to do. I don't know if I ever really want to quit performing. I love to be on stage and I grew up thinking that business was always more important than family. I don't know if I'll ever get married or have kids. I just like to play it day by day."

Rachel nodded and looked away, realizing how different she and her co-star really were.

Rachel must have thought she was crazy, a 22-year-old Yale graduate who didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. She glanced around the bathroom and her eyes landed on the toilet towards the corner. No, Quinn. No.

Why was everything always so complicated? Why couldn't she be skinny? Why couldn't she look like one of those stupid cheerleaders? Why couldn't she look more like Santana or Rachel? How could she trust Rachel when she couldn't trust Alison? Rachel was just as pretty as Alison and if Puck's best friend was attracted to Rachel then that means Puck had to be, too. And Finn was never attracted to Quinn like that, he always said he thought of her as a sister. A sister? Maybe Puck thought of her as a sister. Maybe to him she was no prettier than Sarah.

She couldn't take her eyes off of the toilet. You're going to look bad for the wedding. She glanced at the clock. 28 minutes.

As she stood up and walked over to the toilet, she felt her dress become tighter. She was dying to rip it off but she knew the wedding would start soon. She kneeled down in front of the toilet and sat there for a moment, staring down into it, but then shook her head, picking up her phone.

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Finn nervously walked back into Puck's dressing room, wondering what he was going to say to him about Quinn. "Hey, I don't want to stress you out or anything but uh…I think something's wrong with Quinn. She wasn't wearing her veil and her makeup was a little smeared. She had a bottle of wine in there that was half empty which I get 'cause all her friends are in there drinking it, too, but she was also eating and not just a little snack, she was eating all kinds of that snacky crap Rachel has in there. I don't want you to worry, I'm sure she's fine, but you know her better than I do, and I know she's told both of us about all of the bulimia stuff but she trusts you way more. They told us in health class that even after recovering from an eating disorder it can still come back in stressful situations."

Puck listened carefully, sighing a little. He wasn't nearly as stressed out as Quinn was. "She never really got a proper recovery, though, her parents told her to stop and she started meeting with her school counselor and eventually she stopped on her own. She didn't do it at all while she was pregnant and I don't think she has since but I should probably go check on her just to be sure." He walked out of the room and quickly strolled down the hall to Quinn's room, trying not to panic. "Quinn, open the door," he said as he knocked. When she didn't, he opened the door and nearly ran to the bathroom, sighing in relief when he saw her sitting on the bathroom floor talking to Rachel.

"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom? Finn told me you had a lot to eat and he thought maybe your bulimia was back or something," Puck grinned a little and then realized that Quinn was crying. "Are you okay?"

Quinn shook her head and looked down, wiping away her tears. "You're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding."

"I don't care about the stupid superstitions, Quinn. I just wanted to make sure you're okay," he sighed, starting to back away. "Rachel, what happened?"

Rachel stood up and walked out of the bathroom, pulling Puck with her. "Quinn called me crying and told me she was going to make herself throw up again so I came back to the room and talked her through it. I thought it was a good idea for her to be with you and everything but you know she's not emotionally stable enough to handle having to trust you and all that. You know about Alison and Nick, right? She told me that her deciding factor was thinking that you were going to leave her for me," she sighed. "She's too insecure to handle a real relationship. It's not because she's afraid of commitment, it's because she can't handle it."

Puck thought about it, shaking his head. "What are you saying?"

"Maybe it really isn't such a good idea for you guys to be getting married," Rachel whispered, hoping Quinn wouldn't hear.

"We're getting married, Rachel, that's the end of it," he sighed and left the dressing room.

Okay I apologize in advance for the long author's note, I promise it's important. First of all, I'm so sorry for the long wait, I just wasn't in the mood to work on this. I'm also sorry for making this chapter all about Quinn, I was just reading through when Quinn told Puck about Nick and I felt like that storyline was never really finished. I briefly hinted at Quinn having an eating disorder in high school but I never really added to that. I feel like it's just one of those things you can't really joke about and if you address it at all, you can't just mention it. So anyways, thanks for reading, please review or PM me :)