The Tomboy and The Beast

by AliceStar

Daisy is the tomboyish, clumsy yet fiery princess of Sarasaland and King Bowser is absolutely smitten. As a result chaos, turmoil and humor ensues. Why? Because things are never easy for the desert blossom. Bowsy pairing!

25. Kingdom Tour: Darklands

Alice: OMIGOSH! Long chapter ahead! I shortened this so no one should complain! (nods) Also of notice, of all the suitors Ryu's chapter was the most read. XD

Ultrra: Long Chapter, so short A/N note right?

Alice: Right! XD

Ultrra: 1) Daisy just might, just maybe might like Ryu juuuust a little bit.

Alice: LOL! Only a liiiiittle bit.

Ultrra: Oooonly a liiiiiiittle bit. X) 2) Wolfe keeps it real! I can't see a kid Kitsune raising as being a punk XD lol 3) Ugh...I kinda...like Ryu and I'm ashamed to admit it! X)

Alice: XD Yeeeeeeeah!

Ultrra: Who would win in a fight between Wolfe and Ryu?

Alice: Wow, that's a good question. O_O I'll leave that to the reviewers and see what they think! Also four things: 1) If you're ever wondering 'Alice, when the HECK are you going to update this STORY!?' (points) See my profile. XD PLEASE! Periodically I will update my status.

2) We have fanart from the awesome CJZilla! That is ALSO on my profile. That's reason number two why you should attack my profile and 3) I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I worked my tush off on this chapter! O_O; I'm serious, I think I lost weight. XP Take breaks if you must but it's just a little bit longer than Ryu's chapter. 4) AAAAAAAAAAAAnd now, I'm gonna pass out. This chapter was ALOT of work! But it was FUN work. XD Enjoy the read!

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Beta by: BI0

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Daisy is the tomboyish, clumsy yet fiery princess of Sarasaland and King Bowser is absolutely smitten. As a result chaos, turmoil and humor ensues. Why? Because things are never easy for the desert blossom.

oOoOoOo Tomboy and The Beast oOoOoOo

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Ten Months Ago...

This shitty scene was one he had grown far too accustomed; the sky burning red from fire with thick, padded billows of dark smoke, his castle torn asunder in smoking debris and his wounded troops littered about, groaning from their injuries and the lesser of them suffering from psychiatric issues.

"H-He jumped on my head! My head! Why though!? Whyyyyyyyy!?" A hammer bro sobbed into his fellow soldier's arms.

With a heavy groan, Bowser gingerly pulled himself to his feet; his battered body screamed its protest as a white-hot bolt of pain blazed up his spine. His face smarted and he was sure he was developing one helluva a nasty shiner over his left eye—and he was. It was an injury he'd complain about ruining his handsome visage for weeks to come.

The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth with an unpleasant bitterness and with an impatient snarl, Bowser growled roughly, spitting the foul taste from his mouth.

"Sonnuvabitch that plumber can fight..."

Speaking of plumbers, that midget was sooo dead when he got his hands of him. Bowser ground his smarting jaw painfully, glaring fiercely; once again Mario had forcibly spoon-fed him—the Koopa king—a huge douse of whoop-ass. He was left to agonizingly digest the awful taste of defeat. It was embarrassing, painful and cost millions that were...surprisingly replenish-able.

Though his jaw was swollen, he growled thickly, "When I get my hands on that little bastard I'm gonna..."

"Mario!" The sweet lilt of Peach's saccharine voice halted his violent reproach.

Bowser's head whipped to the side, arms trembling with strain as Peach's slender silhouette appeared. The luminous sun ignited behind her champagne-blonde curls with an ethereal halo, her skin glowed with the pearlescent beauty of the moon and her hair shimmered and cascaded down her back like liquid gold.

All she needed were wings of gossamer and she could make any angel acrid with envy. She strolled past Bowser, never sparing a glance his direction as she slipped to Mario's side. The king watched Peach weep over Mario, tears glittering like diamonds.

A hot flare of jealousy twisted his chest as noxious as boiling acid. He was the one that got his ass kicked! She should be worried about him—

"Stars Mario," she sobbed, "I hate to see you fight. I hate seeing every wound you take. I was worried so..."

Peach carefully peeled off a pristine, expensive glove made of the finest silk and pressed it to Mario's busted lip without second thought. It was made of material worth more than an entire year of Mario's plumbing salary.

"But I have to help you-a!" Mario sported a black-eye of his own and tattered clothing, "If you're okay Princess then-a I'm okay..."

"Why?" she whispered, big blue eyes glowing with warmth and something Bowser couldn't place.

"Because..." He looked away and blushed.

"Because what?" Peach whispered softly.

"I..." Mario's cheeks glowed red as Bowser sneered wickedly; well, well, plumber McDickweed blushed around the pretty princess did he? If Bowser could get up and punch Mario again he would. No one lusts over his princess.

Peach's face glowed in a flush of marvelous pinks before she took hold of Mario's collar and pulled him in for a kiss. This wasn't a chaste peck on the cheek as usual, this was a deeper caress; her lips met his. Bowser's jaw unhinged inelegantly as the plumber gaped, eyes wide as his blush burned a deeper red.

When Peach removed her pink, dewy lips, both hero and fair maiden were red and panting. They locked eyes and stared at the other as if everything else around them didn't matter. Then a flood of pheromones ripe with their attraction sprayed into the air like a fine mist as they kissed again, with much more vigor and passion.

"I...I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," Peach sobbed.

"Peach... I love you. Sei tutto per me. You are-a everything to me. I'm not going-a anywhere," Mario's voice was feather-soft and bubbling of adoration.

Bowser's expression morphed from stupor to a resolute, grim realization. They loved each other. No matter how much he kidnapped her or tried to please her, Peach would never look at him the same way she did Mario. Each moment she set eye upon the hero, she flushed pink with pleasure and her eyes twinkled like stars.

She loved him.

And he loved her.

The revelation of their mutual love wasn't unexpected but it crushed him nonetheless. For years he had been trying to a win a girl who belonged to someone else. For years she had looked straight through him and imagined Mario. And when Bowser burst with bold declarations of his love for her, Peach had smiled with a counterfeit, forced sympathetic smile of someone who pitied a fool. He had loved her!

Everyday he dreamed of having her as a wife; she would have been the perfect trophy bride with pretty features, delicate mannerisms and the need for his mantle of protection. If Bowser had to take over her kingdom to get her attention, then that's what he did damn it!

He poured himself into planning raids, spent tireless nights plotting schemes and picking out the cutest cages for her—some of his selections were so damn cute and frilly, his staff would have questioned his masculine badassness if they knew he was behind it all. He never took Peach's girlish no's and shrieks of terror as a resolute rejection. But now it was so painfully clear. He had been wasting his time with a girl who...would never love him.

He would always remain bereft of Peach's prized affection. It felt as if an invisible hand had stealthily snaked into his chest cavity and squeezed his heart until it splattered. As Mario and Peach found a new, blossoming affection in the rubble of a torn castle, the king hung his head, grimacing as the cold hand continued its ruthless, painful clamp on his heart.

Even when Kamek and Kammy came to assist him from the broken rubble, he was barely conscious of anything but the aching squelch of his heart. The following month was the Toadstool Tour Tennis Tourney hosted by the gracious Mushroom Kingdom.

Bowser's lethargic slog had most of the maids and Koopalings concerned; usually after Mario rescued Peach he would pout and remained surly for a few days but then he was back to being his cocky, devil-may-care self. But this time he had schlepped on for a month like a zombie, eating with little relish, his normal passionate zeal for bedlam and crass sense of humor vanquished.

Kammy had gently nudged His Cantankerousness into attending the tournament, hoping that his natural love of competition would force him out of his slump. But that did little good. He had been too depressed to even do his signature 'facials' against opponents; get right up on the net, rear back and then BOOM faaaaacial!

Bowser had quietly gotten his ass kicked soundly and now he was two games in the hole. Even though the sky was blue, sun shimmering like a diamond and the weather perfect, Bowser remained dejected. He hunkered down in the middle of a sidewalk, festering in his dark bubble of depression. He sighed, head rested against his palms as he stared at the ground forlornly.

"One is the loneliest numberrrrrr..." he half sang, half blubbered off-key.

Most Toads steered clear of him and didn't dare to come within ten feet of him, even if Bowser was moping in the middle of the road; a depressed Bowser was still a dangerous Bowser in their eyes. The king sighed deeply again but then blinked, realizing a pair of tiny orange and yellow sneakers stopped before him.

"Excuse me, you're blocking the road."

He peered up, and even sitting on the sidewalk, he was nearly taller than the frowning human girl. He peered at her closer; where Peach had creamy, milk-white skin, her complexion was tan like a mocha latte. Her umber complexion made her blue eyes radiant and her hair was wild, tresses a rich dark red, bordering mahogany. And she was cute.

Real cute.

Curious, he sniffed her discreetly and was surprised her pheromones signaled her as unmated. Red actually had the nerves to glower at him. She tapped her foot impatiently, "Do I have a sign on my forehead that says 'Please stare at me like an idiot?!'"

He blinked, taking in the way her eyes seem to illuminate brighter in her vexation.

"Are you going to move?!" She gestured, "You're clogging up the entire sidewalk!"

She was downwind and a soft aroma of sweet Koopaberries flooded his nostrils. Something sparked in him; a dormant strong feeling, a latent flame he hadn't felt in a month burst into raging wildfire. He pointedly rose to his feet in slow, measured movements to glare down at the girl. A flicker of suspicion brightened her eyes as he spoke, "Yeah? And who the hell's gonna make me move? You?"

Most people would have cowered away but she squared up her shoulders and glared back. She even stood on her tiptoes to appear taller, "Don't be a jerk! Maybe I will make you move."

"Keep on talking and I'll kidnap you, Missy."

He was dead serious about that too.

"Just move!" She stamped her foot to emphasize her building vexation.

"I move when the hell I want, Toots."

Then he reached forward and playfully flicked her cheek. Her skin was petal-soft, just like he thought; it was a bonus it pissed her off. She gasped before her wild temper won over; she bared her teeth and clenched her fists.

She growled, "Toots?! I'll give you Toots!"

The tiny human girl actually tried to swing on him, until the Green plumber idiot held her back—trying to cop a cheap feel. Bowser laughed hard and true for the first time in months. He was absolutely delighted by the girl's spunk; she actually tried to punch him! Him!

And he didn't miss how she threw a decent punch, not a wimpy, sissy strike but she threw like a guy; Red impressed him. Red's loud cursing and struggling attracted a surge of attention and being the nosy idiot he was, Mario was there in no time.

"Daisy! Calm-a down!"

"Just ignore-a him!" Green loser pleaded.

"I will do it!" She screeched, struggling manically, "I'ma shove a pipe straight up his—!"

Bowser was thrilled, the last person who tried to smash a fist in his face was the legendary plumbing blowhard and here this tiny, pretty human had the gall to do what men twice her size didn't have the balls to try.

Bowser continued to relish her hot anger, blithely drinking in the way she bared her teeth and tried to kick him in the shin.

"Daisy calm-a down!" The green plumber whispered in her ear in a fashion that seemed too intimate. Bowser's head snapped in ten-hut as a blaring realization struck; he likes her. Huh. Green loserface likes her. Well tough piranha balls, she's my girl now.

Green loserface held her back and his hands brushed a little too close to her boobies. It made Bowser want to punch his face in. It was in that moment, that limited interaction where Bowser decided she belonged to him now. His new flame, the passionate girl with the crazy hair and the blazing blue eyes.

"Daisy is it?" He grinned, eyeing her one last time. His gaze started at her dainty feet, trailed up her legs and torso and finished at her scowling face, "I'll be seeing you around, Sweet cheeks."

"Sweet cheeks?!" She howled, "Come back and say that to my face you big idiot!"

And with that he turned and left, cocky swagger back in his gait. He was in such good spirits that he was back to his old ways: generously shoving Toads out of his path and he even punted an annoying yipping rat-looking dog over a fence. He had a new interest, the fiery, lively little creature named after a flower oddly enough. He would definitely see her beautiful face again. He'd done enough moping and he had a match against some chump named Wario who he was going to beat the hell out of and give a facial.

And he did. Bowser had reeled back with a savage roar and bludgeoned Wario so hard in the face that half of the crowd 'ooohed' and the other half burst into peels of laughter. King Bowser was back baby. That seemingly unpropitious meeting was the bursting spark that started the long, winding road to their humorous, ungainly friendship and the budding romance.

---

Today was the day when the glorious, sinfully handsome Studmuffin of the Darklandians would give the friggin' Friend Zone a taste of the double middle finger sandwich. Enough was enough! He was too damn sexy and too damn studly to become that dreadful platonic guy friend.

Eww sauce.

Bowser stared at his reflection in the mirror, face stern; Bowser you sexy bastard, it's time to show Flower your kingdom. Today you're gonna woo her like she's never been wooed! You're gonna romance her! You're gonna sweep her off her feet!

Then, suddenly a mental congregation of fanboys and fangirls appeared, "Yaaaaaay! Go King Bowser!"

"Ryu suuuuuucks!" Another mental fan booed with glee.

She's gonna swoon!

"Yeah!"

And I'm gonna kiss her! Yeah! It's gonna be a big ole fat, wet kiss! A real, lady-slaying kiss! I'm going to dip her backwards suavely, gently whisper sensuous, sweet nothings in her ear until she glows pink, hold her stare and then put. It. On. Her. Like a boss.

The male mental cheerleaders high-fived and chest-bumped each other as the girls swooned and melted over his romantic zeal. Now get out there and get your Desert babe you big, onerous, lady-killing, chiseled bastard. His mental cheerleaders hopped around, waving pompoms, "Bowser! Bowser! He's our Koopa! If he can't do it..."

Kill everyone who can!

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Pumped up by his mental dialogue, Bowser roared and smashed his head against the mirror in a fierce bravado of hyper alpha-male energy. Only to have...

"Argh! Shit that hurt!"

He groaned, rubbing his smarting forehead tenderly; the head-smash seemed like a good idea at the time... There was a loud wrap of knuckles against the door in an annoying cadence, "King B, you okay in there? You're scaring the others with all that yelling. I told you to lay off the teriyaki, man..."

"Uh...Yeah, I'm fine," he grunted, "Go the hell away please."

Note to self, never do that again. A face as utterly masculine and impossibly beautiful as mine should be treated like the finest porcelain, diamonds even. I mean, check out that friggin' jawline. Looks like it was carved out of rock. I feel kinda sorry for those six ugly losers...I guess Greenstache isn't too busted, and neither is that Dog-boy. But Ryu? Pffffft. The ugly stick just wailed on that mysterious bastard like it had a vendetta...

Bowser had his face inches away from the broken mirror, narcissistically tracing his thumb along his 'chiseled' jaw line. Dog-boy spoke again, "We're going to start taxing soon, return to your seat, okay?" And with the announcement given, the footfalls faded away.

Satisfied, Bowser moved away and smirked; we're almost home. Back in my kingdom. I'm gonna impress Flower. I'm gonna have her fall madly in love and she's going to give me a kiss twice as awesome as that damn Shinobi™. UNGH!

With one last assuring nod to himself, he returned to his seat. As he strolled past Flower, he quirked a mischievous smile as his tail playfully flicked against her leg. Her bored stare brightened with attention, before she hurriedly peered around the cabin. When Bowser took his seat, he rested his arms behind his head and smirked. From his peripherals he could see her peering at him.

I'm gonna win you Flower, just you wait and see my little Desert Hottie.

---

I recognized the bold burn of the Darklandian skyline, ensconced with its signature wine-red sunrise and dotted with tufts of burnt charcoal-black cumulus clouds. The Darklandian topography was a mixture of jagged mountains and smooth hilly plains that looked like a slick of spilt oil.

The suitors whispered amongst each other, pointing out famous landmarks like the crown-adorned Statue of Tyranny, The Empirical State building, the Golden Gate Claw bridge and the glowing Koopawood sign in the hills. Of course the infamous Bowser's Keep trumped them all in grandeur and legend. The emerging Bowser's Keep on the scorching red horizon made the chatters vanish and faces were glued to the windows instantaneously.

"So that's the fabled Bowser's Keep, huh?" Zero mused, "The largest estate ever built, employing over five thousand workers. It's composition includes fifty bedrooms, twenty-five bathrooms, ten gourmet restaurants, eight personal gyms, three malls, five chain chomp kennels, a forty acre sporting stadium, three spas and two movie theaters."

Wolfe and Silver gaped inelegantly as Taurus blinked with obvious skepticism, "You must be embellishing a bit Zero."

"You forgot the five saunas," the sheer arrogance in Bowser's smile was completely unhidden.

"Cool!" Wolfe yipped happily, "This is the place where the Super Mario fought! You think I can keep a souvenir? Like a rock or something!?"

Taurus stared at Wolfe blankly, "He listed off saunas, restaurants and movie theaters and yet you want...a rock?"

Wolfe kicked back, resting his arms behind his head and hefted thick leather boots on the tray top as he cut a sly look at Taurus, "Yeah 'cause I reaaaally wanna go in a sauna with you and your tacky-ass cologne."

Taurus half-laughed, "Since you hail from a crude, ignorant backwater civilization, I'm surprised you recognized the smell of an expensive, exclusive fragrance."

"Hmm, didn't understand any of that too well. I don't speak the language of Stick-up-my-ass. Care to translate?" Wolfe smiled smugly.

Taurus's silver irises flicked dangerously like a branch of lightening. And just before he could make a go at Wolfe—who immediately sprang up, grinning way too wickedly and eagerly for the fight—I stepped in the middle of them, "Will you two settle down!? Geesh! It's like you always have to fight!"

"That stupid Neanderthal started it..." Taurus growled.

"Princess, his cologne stinks—am I right or what?" Wolfe smirked. Puppo snickered.

I pointed at Taurus, "Don't let him antagonize you. I thought you were supposed to be better than him."

Taurus snorted indignantly and crossed his arms. Wolfe laughed at the retribution and I rounded on him quickly; my index finger was so close to his nose, his eyes crossed, "And you. I expected better from you Wolfesbane."

He deflated like a balloon, cheeks glowing pink with shame; even Puppo's ears dropped as he whimpered, "S-Sorry Daisy..."

"Just don't let it happen again," I sighed; Wolfe was pulling some major puppy eyes on me and it was working way too well. In my peripheral I thought I saw Bowser mimic cracking a whip. And I'm about to go over there and mimic ripping him a new one.

"Ooh!" Silver pointed, "T-There's the m-moat of Lava!"

Unlike the others, Luigi didn't appear all that excited; could you blame the poor guy? He probably knew the castle inside and out after all his princess-rescuing.

"Yay..." Luigi deadpanned with dry sarcasm, "This-a soooooo neat..."

"Greenstache," Bowser suddenly crushed him into another painful half-hug, "Now that you're my skrat you will enjoy your stay at my palace! You know the saying 'My mansion is your mansion' or... something like that."

I peered at Grammy who was happily taking in the foreign soil, "Grammy, what are you thinking?"

"It's great to be back after so many years," she smiled, the corners of her eyes ceased blithely.

It wasn't long before we touched down and the familiar balmy air and arid scorch of sun blazed against our skin like fire. The pilots were frightened and jittery, opting to stay in the aircraft as we filed out. It was an unspoken fear, an unwritten rule amongst humans that entering the Darklandian borderline was as ominous and as superstitious as breaking a mirror.

"B-Be back soon Princess, Empress!" The co-pilot stammered nervously.

A heady mixture of nerves and excitement smoldered the jet's cabin as the suitors disembarked. Wolfe couldn't get out of the aircraft fast enough as the others calmly debarked; Stars he even jumped down, omitting the steps.

"So this is the Darklands..." Taurus spoke speculatively as he peered around, resting his hands in the pocket of his expensive suit.

"I'm s-sweating already," Silver disdained, "It's barely sunrise. Oh Stars I h-hope I don't faint..."

"This feels like home," Wolfe mused, "A little cooler but it's eighty degrees before sunrise."

Ryu opted to remain silent as Zero studied the land, "So this is the wealthiest kingdom in existence huh? I hope to be awed."

"I-I hope I don't pass out," Silver wiped sweat from his forehead.

"Ah home," Bowser growled with a satisfied, shark-like grin, "The best kingdom period. Look around losers and see how much more badass my kingdom is!"

Luigi tried to sneak off the plane and pass Bowser unnoticed. He was nearly there but Bowser wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed him so tight, his spine cracked loudly. Luigi's horror only went unnoticed by Bowser, who oddly seemed to like him?

Wait a minute, what was this! Was...Bowser being chummy with Luigi!? I'm going to need the record-scratch sound effect on repeat. Did I miss something!? Last time I checked Bowser abhorred the Mario brothers and yet here he was half-squeezing him to death in a hug.

Weird...

"This is now your second home my skrat; my children are now your niece and nephews," Bowser squeezed him tighter as more vertebrae popped in the plumber's spine and Luigi let out a strangled cry, "And they will call you Uncle Greenstache."

"L-Let me go...Please?" He wheezed.

"Let you go so I can...squeeze harder?" Bowser questioned with awe; wow, I certainly didn't get that? Did Bowser only hear what he wanted to hear?

Luigi panicked, shaking his head frantically, "N-N-No! I didn't say that at-a all! I said—!"

"Very well then!" Bowser boomed happily, "I admire your flaming spirit of brohamhood! Now pull it in my mustached brother."

And somehow Bowser took that as his cue to squeeze harder, smothering Luigi whose screams where muffled against Bowser's plastron. Wolfe laughed at Lulu's misfortune. There was a loud, booming chorus, "Welcome back King Bowser!"

Standing in the courtyard were a line of stationed Koopa sentinels who stood erect with a salute tattooed to their foreheads. Grammy smiled dreamily, taking in the palace's scenery, "It's been decades since I've last been here and the palace looks nearly identical..."

"Lord Bowser, we are most jubilant of your return."

Standing in the keep's personal airstrip were Bowser's two advisers and the Koopalings. As Kamek and Kammy bowed in tandem, the Koopalings destroyed all decorum as they charged him in one loud blob of clamor and excitement. They skipped, hopped, and even kartwheeled over to their father.

"King Daaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Save Ludwig and Roy, the Kooaplings clung to him like swamp leeches, "King Daddy! Like, welcome back!"

Junior beamed as his tail wagged happy, "King Dad! King Dad! You're baaaack! Can we play hide-and-go blow-stuff up?!"

"King Daddio!" Lemmy cried, "Look! I can roll my eyes in the back of my head like a zombie! They got stuck there once and...heh, I thought I was blind...Wanna see me do it again!?"

Iggy smiled, gently hugging his father, "K-King Dad we missed you...T-The twins have been c-crazy and s-sometimes they watch me when I sleep..."

As Bowser wriggled, cursed and struggled under the constricting binds of his loving children, there was a thunderous tromp that made the plants and pebbles jump in the courtyard like bacon in a hot griddle of grease. The armored guards clinked and wobbled as Kammy and Kamek peered around unsurely.

There was a loud wail, "Kiiiiiing Daaaaaaaaaad!"

"Oh Stars..." Bowser muttered with a deep sigh, eyes peering to the heavens in a plead.

Morton wailed loudly, barreling blindly towards his father. Silver and Zero barely avoided being trampled as Morty tore through the courtyard, leapt, and latched onto his dad with a massive hug. Bowser grunted, nearly toppling over as he swayed precariously.

While blubbering with great zeal, Morton squeezed Bowser and the other Koopalings in a painful hug. He even lifted his father and siblings off the ground in his excitement.

"King Daaaaaaaad!" Morton blubbered, tears flying, "I-I missed you terribly! I am quite pleased you have returned!"

"Mor—Glck! Let your old man go," Bowser's voice sounded terribly strained.

Weeping openly, Morton dropped his father and siblings indecorously; the Koopalings toppled over like dominoes as Bowser staggered unduly. Though Morton was massive in girth and mass, he was as tender-hearted as they come; he sniffled and wiped his snout with the back of his hand. As he scrubbed tears away, Morton unwittingly found my stare, "M-Mother Daisy?"

There was silence and surprisingly Ludwig of all people spoke; unlike his other young siblings, he and Roy were content to watch the others smother their father from a safe distance. The young conductor's eyebrow rose, "...Princess Daisy?"

I waved affably, "Hey Luddy! Hey Morty!"

Just the smallest traces of a smile quirked on the young conductor's lips, "...Hello."

"Ma-Mamacita!?" Lemmy cried with incredulous mirth.

"Mama!" Junior yipped happily.

"Mama Daisy's in the hizzoooooouse!" Larry crowed.

The Koopalings mobbed around in a polychrome blurb of brightly colored shells and clamoring glee. My laughter only further fueled their bone-crushing hugs as their devious smiles were wrought with sharp incisors, "Mama Daisy!"

"Foxy Mamacita!"

"Dai! Omistars I adore your dress! The bodice is like amaziiing~!"

"Mama Daisy!" Junior spoke, "Have you come back for good!? To finally stay with us and marry King Dad!?"

"...Guh?" I spoke quite eloquently as ever; somewhere, I heard Grammy laugh.

"Are you gonna marry King Dad and live with us!?" Junior chirruped hopefully. He nuzzled his head against my stomach, "I'm so happy!"

"Erm...?"

Unsure, I peered at Bowser who's jaw hung open ungainly. Grammy laughed, "Well King Bowser? Are you going to answer the cute little Prince?"

"Uh...?" Bowser scratched at the back of his head, eyes darting around the courtyard, "W-Well...Uh...?"

"Yeah!" Lemmy piped up, "And then...Mama Daisy and King Daddio can tell Junior where babies come from!"

Luigi and Wolfe coughed back laughs as Bowser's left eye twitched. He slowly turned his head and shot a scathing look at Lemmy who expertly ignored the looming death-threat.

"You see Junior..." Larry bent down and spoke to Junior with a 'mature older brother voice', "when a Koopa and a human woman love each other, they decide to—"

Lemmy and Larry both performed unsightly pelvic thrusts that made me burst into a tide of laughter. Grammy covered her mouth, chuckling softly as Bowser's left eye twitched.

"They're gonna do summa THIS!"

"And summa THAT!"

"And SUMMA THIS!"

"That's enough outta you two!" Bowser grunted, grabbing the cusp of the twins' shells and hauling them into the air, "Let the Princess breathe you shelled ingrates."

The Koopalings backed away to provide some elbow room, though Junior made sure to stick close to my hip. I laughed when he took the initiative to hold my hand. Kammy and Kamek approached, bowing smoothly, "Salutations Lord Koopa."

Ooh they were formal; not even 'King Bowser.' Then they bowed to Grammy and I, "Princess and Empress Sarasaland we welcome you both to your kingdom."

Kamek froze in the middle of his bow, "E-Empress Meringue?"

Grammy blinked, "Kamek? Kamek Koopa? Is that really you!?"

"Merri!" Kamek quailed happily, losing all sense of decorum and formality; Kammy stared at him askance, "How have you been Empress Sarasaland?! Stars! It's been years! Decades even!"

They surprised everyone by hugging each other. Bowser's jaw dropped as I blinked; they knew each other? Well I guess if she was a friend to King Serous, then she would be familiar with Kamek...

"I've been well old friend!" she smiled, "I remember when you still had a...what do kids call it? Ah yes! A soulpatch."

Bowser glared incredulously at his male advisor, "You had a soulpatch?!"

Kamek smiled, "Hate to break it to you Master Bowser, but I was quite the Koopette killer back in my day..."

"And how many eons ago was that?" Kammy puffed with hauteur, "During the Stone Age?"

"I don't mean to be rude..." Zero intercepted, "but...what is the meaning of this?"

Grammy smiled, "Lord Salini, in my youth I used to be friends with the late King Serous. I used to visit the Darklands as an esteemed guest and had plenty of adventures. Kamek served as King Serous's advisor and we had been friends since then! Of course this was long before King Bowser was born."

"Intriguing..." Ryu muttered pensively.

Bowser rubbed his chin in thought, "...Huh. Never thought Queen Meringue knew Kamek..."

"It's a small world I suppose," Kammy sighed with a wan smile, "Then I suppose an introduction to our great kingdom is unneeded as both Sarasalandian Ladies are well acquainted."

"Well I haven't been here before!" Wolfe beamed, "Impress me!"

"King Bowser isn't trying to marry you," Zero laughed.

"My kingdom will awe anyone," Bowser smirked, "And I can think of several places I can take the empress and princess..."

"Very well then your Awfulness," Kammy bowed, "As the Sarasalandian ladies are familiar with Lord Bowser, than I shall introduce His Manliness's sires."

"'His Manliness'!?" Wolfe laughed.

"I remember the Koopalings," Zero spoke with a surprisingly light tone, "They destroyed Emperor Pierre Lightheart's statue with marvelous gusto."

"Right. Ludwig was in rare form that day!" Larry laughed, "It's usually the 'terrible twins' who blow things up! But Luddy? Naw, he wrecked the hell out of that statue!"

Though Ludwig's face remained stolid, his slate-blue eyes tightened, "...Keep talking and I'll enlighten everyone about the gallon of milk you drank that was, in fact not milk."

Larry fell silent at the drop of a hat, gulping thickly. Kammy cleared her throat, "Ahem! Now then, in descending age order I shall present the crown princes and princess of the Darklands. The eldest is Prince Ludwig the composer."

The attention turned onto the eldest Koopaling. As cool and recondite as ever, Ludwig bowed smoothly, wild blue mane bobbing with his slight movement, "Welcome Empress, Princess Sarasaland. I hope your stay is pleasant. Princess Sarasaland, may I say you look terrifically divine."

"Oh! Thanks!" I half-laughed.

Ludwig bowed deeply to Grammy but surprised me when he pressed a kiss to my gloved hand. The courteous act began to draw stares as he lingered a little too long. Bowser's eyes narrowed in suspicion as Kammy did a double-take.

Zero blinked, "Ludwig? As in Ludwig Von Koopa? The composer of the 'Starred Nights', 'The Ballad of Blithe' and 'The Dance of Cherries, Whipped Cream and Sprinkles'?"

"I am he," he replied simply.

Taurus looked impressed, "Von Koopa? Why, your music is a thing of great beauty. I've seen each of your winter masterpieces performed live and my breath was stolen each time."

Lugwid nodded, "I'm glad you enjoyed."

Kammy bobbed her head, assenting, "The second eldest is Prince Roy Koopa."

"I'm da beef cake extrado'naire, tha Koopette-slayin', fast talkin' badshell-havin' sonnavagun," he grinned wickedly.

"This is Prince Morton who has a great ear for music."

Morton waved bashfully, red eyes glinting diffidently, "Greetings royal human males and tiny Empress woman, I am Morton Jr. thusly named after my grandfather. It is good to see you again Ms. Daisy."

"Oh Morty!" I rolled my eyes, shaking my head, "You know to call me 'Mama Daisy'."

At that, a couple of suitors peered at me curiously. Wolfe even 'whispered' to Ryu, "Why do they call her 'Mama?'"

"Next are the twins, Larry and Lemmy respectively. They are...ahem fine, respectable young shells..." Kammy's snout should have grown ten feet longer for that overt lie.

Bowser glowered, watching them closely for the slightest sign of foolishness. Surprisingly the twins bowed respectfully, Larry even stuck his hand out to Silver, "Hey there human boy, I'm Prince Larry and it's nice to meet you."

Silver smiled, "H-Hello I'm Prince Silver of t-the Moonstone Kingdom."

As he shook Larry's arm, it suddenly ripped out of its socket and squirted fake blood excessively. Silver gaped wordlessly as Larry began to scream, "Oh no! My arm! I've been disarmed!"

Lemmy ran over, "What a disarming stranger!"

"I got to hand it to ya bro."

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Larry said with a philosophical tone as the fake blood continued squirting away garishly.

"You're so handsome my twin!"

"Don't worry people! It's okay, he's unarmed!"

I burst into peals of laughter as Wolfe, Lulu and Grammy split their sides. Bowser did not look amused. In fact he took the fake arm from Silver and slapped the back of the twin's heads in a single—and impressive—blow. He shook the fake arm at them in admonishment, "Try another stupid thing. I dare you two."

Larry gaped with a really unflattering look and then...His eyes popped out of his head. The fake, rubber eyeballs bounced around crazily, bouncing to and fro around the airstrip court. I laughed, doubling over Wolfe screamed with laughter.

Lemmy turned to Wolfe and when he smiled, he had in a set of grotesque crooked buck-teeth, "Myfff namff is Lemmyfff."

Wolfe was partially laughing and crying as he hollered. By now even the serious armed Koopa troopas tried to hide their smirks.

"I'm going to kill them," Bowser growled through gritted teeth, "I swear I'm going to end them. I brought them into this world and I'm willing to take them out for free."

Kammy harrumphed, shooting a severe glance to the chuckling soldiers, "The Lord's only daughter, Princess Wendy O Koopa, fashionista extradonaire."

"Borzorgno gentlemen," Wendy fanned herself with a lace fan, and dramatically snapped it open with flare. She closed her eyes and struck a pose. Bowser groaned and buried his face into his palm, "I am the ever glamorous and ever beautiful princess Wendy! I am the goddess of grace, countess of culture! The princess of pretty and the duchess of delight! With a swing of my hi—"

Bowser rolled his eyes and turned to Kammy. He made a 'let's hurry the hell up' signal and immediately Kammy cut Wendy off, "Next is Prince Iggy, the culinary genius."

All eyes turned on Iggy who blushed rose-red as he stammered a soft, "H-Hello. Uh...I...Uh...Hi...I'm Iggy...Yep...Hi...again."

"And last but not least," Kammy finished with a flourish, "The youngest and crown prince, Lord Bowser Junior."

Junior shoved his way past his siblings and strutted to the front boldly. He stood, chest puffed, arms stamped on his hips as he glared 'intimidating-ly' at us all. Grammy cooed at his darling visage, "Why he's such a cute little thing!"

"Aww," Wolfe grinned, "He's a mini Bowser!"

"Silence peasants!" Junior commanded, brandishing a tiny fist, "Be still! For Prince Bowser Junior is speaking! I...oh...uh? Where was I..? Oh yes...Ahem! I am the Crown prince of the amazing, totally hip Darklands! I am a Koopa! A warrior! An artist! And I am Toadette's future husband."

That last reference went over everyone's heads, save Luigi who was one of the few people present that knew who Toadette was. The green plumber arched an eyebrow, "Future husband-a?"

"I was taught a man always needs two things," Bowser Junior continued in the same super-hero voice, "shaving gel and a sturdy jockstrap!"

I burst out laughing along with Silver, Lulu and Wolfe. Ryu didn't try to hide his smile as Bowser groaned, burying his face into his hands for the second time, "Somebody kill me."

"Quite the family you have," the slightest grin curled onto Zero's lips.

"And we have one more guest who has been...Shall I say, observing things," Kamek hummed, "He is a monarch from his ever own kingdom and is like family to Lord Bowser."

"He glows like the moon and fades like the darkest shadows," A disembodied voice narrated from all around, "he is the foulest fiend. He is me! The ghoulish, regal, sophisticated King Ichabod!"

Materializing from thin air was none other than King Boo. He was smiling wickedly, sharp fangs bared in an awful smile and red eyes misty with mischief, "Salutations fleshlings."

Bowser grinned as half of the suitors freaked out, "Icky! Why didn't you tell me you were stopping by!? We could have gotten into some trouble tonight!"

"I wanted to surprise you my friend, and I shall say I have accomplished my goal." The boo glowed pleasantly, clapping his hands together with glee, "Yes haha!"

"I-I-It's a g-g-ghost...!" Silver squeaked, his naturally pale complexion leeched of color until he was nearly as white as a sheet.

Luigi looked like he was going to faint.

"A spirit..." Ryu whispered, eyes narrowed. Swifter than the blink of an eye, his hand fingered a holster on his back, "...Hmm, it doesn't seem malignant..."

"O fairest Princess Sarasaland," the boo disappeared and suddenly materialized in front of me, "It is always a pleasure to see your comely face; as a flower thirsts for sun so do I long to see your beauteous visage."

"Uh..." I leaned away from the overly amorous boo, "H-Hi King Boo..."

"You may call me Ichabod my dearest," the Boo purred with a voice dripping of amor. He pressed a kiss onto the back of my hand and it felt like ice seeped through the silk of my glove and pricked my skin unpleasantly; I shivered.

"Give you the chills do I?" The Boo spoke in a seductive voice, red eyes no longer glowing, but smoldering like dying coals, "My little pretty chrysanthemum, I can treat you to suc—"

Bowser cleared his throat with a pointed curtness, tapping his foot in an impatient cadence. King Boo took some kind of cue and with a wink, he disappeared and materialized beside Bowser who shot a rueful glare at the smirking boo.

"What?" The Boo sounded too innocent, "I was simply admiring the...flowers."

"Well then don't," Bowser huffed, "Go to some other flowers."

"King Ichabod," Grammy smiled at him, "Weren't you once competing for my Granddaughter's heart?"

"True...But alas," the boo sighed dramatically covering his face with his arm and closing his eyes, "I know another who loves her far deeper than I..."

Then he opened an eye and peered at Bowser with a wicked smile. That made the other suitors peer at him too. I was confused, why were they all looking at Bowwy like that for? And why was Bowwy turning so red?

...Weird...

"Which reminds me, I hope you do not mind that I have brought my bootiful little ghoul with me. She is currently spending currency in one of your malls of shopping."

"Bow? Not at all."

Luigi slowly slipped behind the other suitors, stealthily hiding behind the taller forms of Wolfe and Ryu. Noticing the odd behavior, Ryu peered at Luigi curiously before facing forward. It was obvious why Luigi was trying to hide; King Boo and Luigi had a history similar to that of Mario and Bowser. Kammy nodded and spoke again in her official tone, "We shall take one of the royal airships for the tour."

Wolfe's golden eyes smoldered like the sky at sunrise, "A ship where Mario and King B fought!? Epic."

"Nonsense, we don't reuse vehicles here," Kammy laughed incredibly, "The king only rides in an airship once."

"Reuse the same vehicles!?" Kamek crowed, "What do you think we are? Poor?!"

Bowser, Kammy, Kamek and the Darklandian soldiers laughed as if it were a really funny joke. I was stunned; they didn't reuse their vehicles!? They were that wealthy that they could afford to build new ships and scrap semi-new ships!?

"What's next!?" Bowser roared with glee, "Re-wearing the same shell!?"

Bowser slapped his knee with louder laughter as the Darklandians crowed with glee. The suitors seemed stunned as Wolfe blinked, "Wow...I guess King B's really loaded..."

"A-And he thinks we're all poor," Silver blinked.

"..." Taurus frowned wordlessly.

After wiping a tear from her eyes, Kammy turned to the nearest solider, "See to the Airship Hellfire up and running, will you?"

"Yes Lady Kammy!" And with a salute, the solider dashed off.

---

"This ship i-is huge!" The Albino whispered with awe.

The Hellfire was quite impressive, spanning a monstrous three stories in height, it was daunting to think something so bulky and sturdy could take to the air. The mammoth airship creaked and groaned with great burden as the congregation sailed through the thick intertwining ribbons of resplendent orange and red sunlight. Flower stood beside Grammy and Greenstache, admiring the formless ooze of landscape below.

Her dark blue eyes held a dreamy, dewy glimmer that Bowser could hopelessly drown in for an eternity. Then she blinked, feeling his stare and locked eyes. Flower smiled at him beautifully. Sunrise rouged her dusky skin and ruby hair afire with sparkling tapers of magentas and reds.

The Koopa King felt his knees buckle and any determination and strength cave with the weight of her stare. His face burned ruby-red and he instantly turned away, missing her surprise.

S-She looked at me...She LOOKED at ME. Stars she's so damn pretty...A-And my heart is all fluttery and I feel light-headed...like that one time I accidently snorted kerokero cola up my nose...Is she still looking at me? Maybe I can steal a peek at her—SHIT! S-SHE'S STILL LOOKING! Why does one glance from her make me act like a chump sandwich!? Like a chump sandwich with a side of FRIES!? Argh! Damn it!

"You are completely bumbling," Ichabod laughed, suddenly materializing by Bowser's side, "Though I am amused by your blundering, I shall be a true friend and help thee."

The ghost king floated over to Kammy Koopa, "My charming Koopette, would it be possible to educate our guests about the Darklands' five burrows? The king would be most gracious."

Hag blinked before smiling, "Why certainly Lord Ichabod! I have quite a lengthy lecture prepared for the occasion!"

"We're in for anooooother lecture!" Lemmy crowed.

"Dis gonna be drier than a dry bones ass cheek," Roy groaned under his breath.

Dog-boy heard 'lecture' and 'lengthy' in the same sentence and he wanted none of that. But trust he did his damnedest to break the hell out of there, "Well...it's obviously that special time in the morning for me to...take my...stuff...I need to take...to uh...stay alive...yeah, I'll just be going now. I'll quietly step aside not to bother anyone and—"

But when he turned to leave, the sexy Desert babe and surprisingly, the creepy Sarasalandian guy of all people stopped him from leaving, "If I have to stay for this lecture then so do you."

"Awwww come ooooooon!" Dog-boy wailed with dismay as the Albino laughed.

Within no time flat Hag had gathered the suitors and began her lecture, "The Darklands are composed of five individual burrows: Fire, Ash, Cinder, Steel and Smoke. Fire is known for its opulence and business management, Ash for its historical preservation and historical artifacts, Cinder for its thriving tourism and Steel for its industrial prowess."

King Boo grabbed Bowser by the cusp of his shell and dragged him out of sight. The Sarasalandian Creep and that damn Shinobi™ peered at them with dubious interest, just catching the tail end of their strange behavior. Once they were out of eyesight, Bowser began to pace.

Ichabod smirked, "I shalt take a wild guess and presume thou art nervous, my scaled friend?"

"Me? Nervous?! Ha! When do I get nervous?" Bowser huffed, "I'm never nervous!"

"I shalt take that as a yes," the Boo grinned slyly.

"I am an irresistible hunk!" Bowser barked, "I mean look at all of this sex I drip! Muscles, masculinity...A scarily handsome face and a panty-dropping voice. Women don't stand a chance! What woman could resist alla this sexiness?!"

King Boo smirked ruthlessly, "Princess Daisy that's who. She is shutting you down badly my friend. Oh sooooo badly."

Bowser growled, clenched fists trembling, "I'm busting out of the friend zone! I don't care who I have to step on! But I'm getting the hell out! And into the let's date zone!"

"Then leave that abominable ego at the door. If you want to win thy fair damsel, show a vulnerable side of thyself, and you must show these irritating things maidens call 'emotions.'"

"Emotions?!" Repulsed, Bowser drew away, "Ugh! Why the hell would I do that?!"

The boo rolled his eyes tiredly, "For some ill-conceived reason, women enjoy seeing men in quivering, pathetic fleshy masses of sentimentality. Quite frankly I'd rather see a man who could rule with a brutal bloodthirsty alacrity! What speaks of passion more than a man inspiring to plunder a kingdom?! Everyone knows dictators pull the bootiful ghouls. Anyway, be honest and vulnerable and all that...utter malarkey women like."

"But vulnerability is for sissies!" Bowser threw his hand up, "What does an eight foot Koopa King look like crying and pouring his heart out?!"

"Dost thou want to be out of the purgatory of the 'Zone that is friendly'? Henceforth dost as I have said."

Bowser swallowed thickly, "Ugh Stars, this better work..."

Then Bowser paused, "Did you ever get those mints I wanted? And that stuff human males spray on themselves?"

"The tacs that tic? And the cologne? Why, yes I had my underling boos ste—ahem 'acquire' the goods..."

He clearly meant he had stolen that crap.

Bowser grabbed the cologne and generously doused himself, slapping his neck in a crazed frenzy before taking several handfuls of tiny mints and shoving handful after handful into his mouth until his jowls bulged with thousands of tiny mints. He crunched them laboriously, swallowing in one large gulp and nearly choked until his eyes teared-up.

King Boo blinked incredulously, watching his friend have a violent coughing fit. Once it passed, Bowser peered at him, "...How's the breath?"

"...You nearly choked to death and yet you are worried about—hmm. Actually, you smell like an entire field of mint leaves. You are quite minty, my friend."

"Good..." Bowser grumbled, "I'd do anything if it would make Flower want to...k-kiss me..."

"Ah as the saying goes, "'If thou want to impress her, use a breath fresher'. 'If thou wantith some tongue, shove a mint down thy lung.' 'He who smells crass shall never obtain ass.' 'If thou smelt it then thou hath dealt it'. If thou denies it then thou hath supplied—"

"OKAY!" Bowser roared, "I get it. Geesh!" Then he muttered, "Stars, I soooooo need new friends..."

But evil friends were so hard to find, look at the dunces he had to choose from: Petey Piranha was a smelly diaper-wearing loser, Cackletta? Eh pass. The X-Nauts? Losers in terrible cosplay outfits. And worst of all, that damn mechanical peeping pervert camera that had the hots for Peach, TEC! See!? Bad company sooo was hard to find.

Sigh.

King Boo was a wee bit crazy and was mentally stuck in the fifteenth century but that was something he could overlook; the ghost was always down to screw over Mario. Not to mention Ichabod threw the best parties...

"—Art tho listening to a word I said, scaled rogue?"

"Huh? Yeah? Oh yeah...Be kind and mannerly blah, blah, show chivalry, blah, blah, crap."

"You did not hear a damn thing did you, King Scallywag?! Fine, away with you. But do not mess this up!"

Bowser sighed, rubbing the back of his head, "So...vulnerability huh? Ugh. Uck. Fine. I can do that if..."

If it means she'll kiss me with those soft pink lips...

With a sigh, the terrible twosome returned to the main deck where Hag was still lecturing and pointing out Darklandian landmarks. Dog—boy, who was cushioned in between Flower and that damn Shinobi™—so he wouldn't run off—looked like he wanted to blow his brains out. He noticed Bowser's return and with a mocking bow, moved to the side.

The Koopalings had veered off, playing an installed arcade game as Ludwig stood beside Flower, pointing out noteworthy buildings. Flower whispered something to him that brought forth a giggle from her and a soft chuckle from the composer.

"What's o-on the agenda King Bowser?" That skinny, scrawny albino kid with the huge eyes asked.

"In my culture," Bowser grinned, "My ancestors used to battle for the throne in gladiatorial pits that were described as hell on earth; blood, bones, gore painted the coliseum floors in glorious battle."

An uneasy mist of silence shrouded the suitors as they shared timorous looks amongst each other. The scrawny Albino swallowed thickly as that damn Shinobi™ loser rubbed his jaw in thought.

"It was also common in ancient Darklandian society for two males to battle to the death for the right to mate a Koopette," Bowser peered at Flower, "Especially if she was a really pretty female..."

Grammy raised an eyebrow, grinning at Bowser impishly as Flower's cheeks baked with blush. Bowser smirked, absorbing every second her cheeks glowed pink; every time Flower blushed, her complexion flushed prettily and her eyes twinkled.

Damn pretty...

Ludwig's expression flickered so quickly—something akin to a sneer—Bowser missed it. The other suitors encroached.

"So today gentlemen," Bowser grinned at them wickedly, and relished the weight of Flower's stare on him. And since Flower was watching him, he struck a heroic pose, gallantly puffing his chest out, resting his hands on his hips and flexing the hell out of his biceps, "I have a few tests to run you suitors through and we're going to duke it out and see who's worthy of winning the fair princess's hand. It'll be low key and just between us. That way you don't get embarrassed when I kick your asses."

Grammy cooed happily, clapping her hands together, "This will be absolutely thrilling!"

"A battle royal!? Against all of you guys!?" Dog-Boy chirruped, bouncing on his toes and throwing jabs, "This sounds awesooooome~!"

"I will do my best," that damn Shinobi™ oh so coolly replied without a single inflection in his voice. Bowser growled deep in the back of his throat with thick layers of contempt; the king even turned his head away with boiling disgust, choosing to glare at Ryu from the coroner of his eyes. Stars, was he sick of that mysterious bastard. He always thought he was so cool and mysterious...and cool. Bowser's ire only grew hotter as he noticed the way Flower stared gushingly at that damn Shinobi™ leader, as if he were good-looking or something! Feh...

---

They want to fight over me like a prize? What the hell is up with that!? I want to compete in the games too! Urgh! I'm not some pathetic, helpless princess...

Fuming, I peered at the horizon, catching a glimpse of a building at the skyline. The Firelands Coliseum loomed in a statuesque fortress. Its longitude reached farther than any palace, bulkier than any conglomerate and its latitude dipped into the heavens like a spire honoring deities. Its highest levels were dappled with cottony cumulus clouds.

There were so many Koopas! Dark swarms wreathed around the coliseum entrances like clots of smoke; wait, I thought he said this was going to be low key!? Bowser must have thought the same thing as he suddenly turned on King Boo.

"Ichabod..." Bowser growled, "I thought you arranged this to be just us."

King Boo looked slightly nervous, "Perhaps I accidentally told one person...And then another...And then...uh...held a conference of presses and announced it to the Darklands?"

Bowser growled, slapping a palm to his face, "Urgh! You idiot! I told you to keep this hush-hush! What the hell does 'hush-hush' mean to you!?"

"Forgive me, friend but I could not help myself! The glorious tales of your quest for love must be spread to the four corners of the world!" King Boo boomed dramatically.

"Damn, now I have to win fair-and-square. Or I look like a chump. And I never look like a chump," Bowser sighed a dark billow of smoke.

The airship's arrival brought forth a thunderous raise of cheer. Bowser had the golden key to everything in his kingdom and it was no surprise when we scored a pass to the front of the line. The crowd cheered at Bowser's appearance, with the most exuberant Koopas patting his shell. The Koopalings waved as Lemmy and Larry garishly blew kisses.

We stepped through the towering entrance and the flood of energy and activity in the coliseum rattled with the mottled roar of thousands of Koopas and the crowd moved in sluggish droves, crawling lethargically towards the balconies and seating.

There was a cacophony of noise and a myriad of scents, like the mouthwatering aroma of frying beef, the scent of leather and metals. The loud laughter of excited fanatics and the thunderous roar above our heads permeated the coliseum; the air was rich with excitement and festered with anticipation.

While the first floor was abuzz with activity, Bowser led us to the fifth floor which was both quieter and vacant. Iron statues wrought with violent images decorated the floor with gruesome conquests depicted. Koopas were engaged in brutal fights, biting and clawing with burning eyes and bared teeth. I avoided looking at the graphic, gory statues which actually drew the attention of most of the suitors.

"Look at this one. His guts are spilling out!" Wolfe 'whispered' with glee.

"These look-a so real..." Luigi said thoughtfully.

"It's grotesque y-yet oddly beautiful," Silver hummed.

I picked up a noticeable trend with these sculptures; though the majority of the statues were bronzed, fewer were mounted in silver and the rarest were cast in gold. Grammy was studying a golden statue of a vicious Koopa roaring in fury. I stepped beside her and read the plaque, "1956 victor? So then these gold statues are the winners?"

"Right," Grammy chirruped, "Bronzes are created of all previous combatants, silvers were the runner-ups and the victors are honored with the ever glorious gold immortalization."

"So who is he?" I mused, "King Serous?"

"Yes, this is King Serous at his prime," Grammy gently touched the statue's shimmering torso with affection. She made a sly look, "You should look at some of the statues, closer to the northeastern entrance where we came from. I think I saw a notable gold statue there."

So I searched and found the statue Grammy spoke of. I peered up at the towering, life-sized Koopa. His image glinted with gallantry, immortalized in sparkling karats and I found myself admiring a familiar fierce glare and bulging biceps raised in the throes of victory. This Koopa looked absolutely hellish; jowls open in a silent roar, incisors bared and eyes furious slits.

"Admiring hunky heroes eh?"

Bowser appeared at my side with a grin that was insatiable and teeming with wicked satisfaction. I laughed, "And now you're a coliseum winner too!? Geesh! Is there anything you haven't done yet?"

His grin curved slyly, "I've got a real blush-worthy answer for that. Anyways I was just looking for you and yet here you are admiring my sexiness. I do look ravishing in gold, don't I?"

I reeled with laughter, "Stars you're conceited! Alright then, what did you want Coliseum Champ?"

I saw the suitors were being ushered to a separate barrack. I was about to turn and follow them, but Bowser stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. He smirked, "They're going to a locker room to get ready for the games."

I glared, "And that reminds me...What the hell!? 'Winning my hand'!? Bowser, I am not a trophy to be won! I'd rather compete myself than be some stupid little prize. I'm not a damsel in distress and I don't need anyone fighting my battles. Argh, what were you thinking?!"

"Maybe I just wanted to impress you...?"

I sighed angrily, "You know what? This is your day to lead me around your Kingdom. Fine. I'll suck it up but just know you're gonna be in the doghouse for this."

"Also there's one last small thing..."

I growled and he laughed, "I swear! It's not that bad!"

"Way in the doghouse," I gnarred through my teeth.

"There's a teensy tradition involved, nothing too major. But it's something I'd like you to do for me."

"And it involves what?"

He smiled, "That you sit in this really pretty skybox and wear these special flowers behind your ears."

That didn't sound unreasonable, "Alright. Then give me the flower and have someone show me to the box."

He chuckled, "The servants will have to attend you. If I give it to you, then that'll mean something else entirely."

Curiosity pricked, I arched an eyebrow, "So what does the flower mean if you hand it to me?"

His smile softened as he touched my face. His voice grew deeper in timbre, "That I offer my undying adoration for you."

A swell of fluttering butterflies whiskered in the pit of my belly. His expression was soft as he gently glossed his thumb over the curve of my cheek. I barely noticed the subtle curve of his smile, "If I gave my undying adoration, would you accept?"

A vicious sear of heat razed my face all too obviously. Bowser's growing grin meant I had colored as bright as a carnation.

"I..."

He pulled away, eyes still gentle, "Seeya soon Purga."

And with a wink he turned and walked off. I was stumped, staring at Bowser's retreating shell with wide eyes and a hanging jaw. What the hell just happened? Argh, what was that?! What was that soft look and those lovey-dovey words for!? He confuses and flusters me so badly!

Grammy approached with a slew of maids in tow, "Pichi, these kind Koopettes were looking for you, ready to go?"

I peered sharply at where Bowser had been seconds earlier, "...Yeah, let's go..."

The flock of maids were slender Koopettes dressed in sheer gowns of all colors of the rainbow and they were breathtakingly beautiful. Their congregation had multiple heads turning and many interested eyes lingering. The most stunning of the Koopettes smiled and motioned us to follow.

We were led to a room that flowed into a white chamber elegantly draped with golden silk tapestries and filled with pearlescent statues of curvaceous Koopettes. It wasn't unnoticed how each Koopette statue wore the same flowing gown and a crown of flowers sat atop their heads.

The chamber's dazzling furnishings, floral aroma and towering golden-gilded vanity would have even the most wealthy queen bitter with biting envy. A white silk gown was set into my lap with the reverence of a holy grail. I held up the dress; it was fashioned in the same style the elegant Koopette statues adorned and glowed with the pearly brilliance of the moon.

The maids approached with serene smiles and glittering gowns. The most radiant of them spoke.

"The king has selected you as the honored, coveted maid of Amor," the Koopette spoke with a soft smile and a soothing, warm voice, "Each honorable lady before you has wore the gown of radiance and as the maid of Amor so shall you. It symbolizes beauty and the strike of white against the dark crowd will draw the interested eye of the male gaze."

"Okay..." I spoke unsurely; I was still pretty miffed about being made the 'damsel in distress', but blatantly disrespecting their culture would be rude.

I set aside my ego and breathed a sigh of surrender. I slipped out of my bulky, puffy dress and pulled on the gown of radiance with the maids' assistance. Gentle claws carefully worked at my back, lacing intricate straps with practiced ease. Outside the chambers I could hear soft bouts of laughter and fair conversation.

"...ou tarry near the Amor chambers too long my King!"

There was soft chuckle, "What? I'm just checking on my Maiden of Amor. Are you ladies taking the finest care?"

"You're just looking for an excuse to snoop around the Maiden Chambers you sly sneak!" The matron laughed, "You know she is receiving the utmost care."

"So I guess I can't take one little look?" He teased.

"You snoop shell! I knew you were trying to steal a peek at her! Now shoo. You have to get prepared yourself, Milord."

"Very well. I bet she'll look stunning."

"She will."

"Who do you think that was?" I asked Grammy.

She smiled, arching a playful eyebrow, "I'd wager it was that young Koopa. You know, the one who rules the kingdom, has eight beautiful Koopalings and can't keep his eyes off of you...?"

I blushed, huffing and crossing my arms, "Yeah? Well that same Koopa is making me play the role of a pathetic damsel..."

The matron returned, moving as seamlessly as liquid. The others carefully unveiled two delicate, milk-white blossoms resting atop purple velvet. The pearly, milky petals shimmered with sparkles of moistened dew drops like diamond. The soft, creamy petals were likened to the sweet genteel of lilies.

"These are the rarest breed, created from the cross-pollination of Koopa lilies and Koopa roses," the Matron breathed, "It is called Amor; to symbolize purity and desire."

"It's absolutely beautiful," Grammy hummed.

My hair was brushed until it fell onto my shoulders in fiery curly tendrils. The maids delicately slipped the stunning Amors behind each of my ears.

"Last but not least is the final touch, burning red lipstick to make your suitors yearn for the touch of your succulent lips."

"Succulent?" I laughed, "Wow. You can make anything sound good!"

"And lastly," the Matron Koopette spoke, "with this flower you shall award your victor. It is a sign of your devotion and favor."

I twirled the flower between my pointer and thumb; unlike the two large blossoms behind my ears, this flower's petals were a bold, striking red and it felt like silk under my fingers.

"This looks like it's turning out to be a big to do after all," Grammy laughed softly.

I sighed, "I can't believe I'm doing this...Bowser owes me big."

With a smooth sweep of the Matron's hand, we followed. We traveled to a lavish skybox decorated in the same glamorous golden silk as the chamber. Grammy and I were seated comfortably upon sheer gold pillows. I frowned, touching the silk; though it was all beautiful, it was very over the top. I didn't like all this attention and I didn't like being prettied up as a pretty prize.

"Now this is luxury!" Grammy preened, "We have a perfect view and here we sit upon golden silk pillows like ancient queens!"

There was a loud cry from below, "Mama Daisy! Mama Daisy down here!"

Seated below were a long span of Koopalings. The twins and Junior waved animatedly as Roy ogled the beautiful Matrons. Morton and Iggy waved with a little less zeal but the same warmth was present as their exuberant siblings.

"You look great!" Wendy cheered, "Like, why couldn't I have gotten dressed up like that!?"

"Helloooooo!" I sang, waving at their balcony.

"Mamacita! Watch this!" Lemmy crowed.

"Are you watchin' Foxy Mama!?" Larry yelled.

The twins flapped their arms, making silly sounds with their armpits as they danced around with goofy faces. Junior reeled with laughter as Roy growled, fed up with his younger siblings antics.

"Whadda bunch o' jackass shells..." Roy shook his head.

A growing animation and liveliness rose from the balconies as an announcer stepped onto the dusty arena floor with a microphone in hand, "Wellllllllcome to the legendary Flame Coliseum! The air is saturated with the history of legends! Of marvels! There have been triumphs and great defeats! There has been massive bloodshed in this arena's past! And now ten combatants will battle for the hand of the fair Amor! And this year's Amor is the Princess Sarasaland!"

I was gob smacked when a stage light suddenly burned against my skin and there was a raise of cheers and a rouse of catcalls. I gaped stupidly, blushing as red as my hair as Grammy waved elegantly to the crowd. I heard the Koopalings cheer for me with meretricious zeal.

"Mama Daaaaaaaaaaaaaisy!"

"We love yoooooou~!"

"King Dad loves you mo—ugh! Oww!"

"Like, shut up dumbshell!"

"And now we shall present the contestants! Ten brave competitors come to compete in three trials! THREE! And the victor awarded the most points will win an entire day alone with the Amor! The first is Prince Silver!"

Looking anything but fierce, Silver's wiry form stepped through the looming archway in white leather armor, face deep red as he nervously twiddled his thumbs. I laughed at how shy and demure he appeared; he was so cute.

"Our next contestant is Wolfe!"

He stepped out, bouncing on his toes and shuffling as agile as a boxer. His glinting golden armor glowed under the sun as he leaned back and joined in the howl. He took his place beside Silver, standing confidently, arms akimbo and he even waved at me.

"Next is Prince Taaaaurus!"

Taurus stepped out grinning smugly, nodding every now and then at the crowd's fervor. His blue armor was suiting for a prince of a sea kingdom. He stepped beside Wolfe who was going above and beyond in ignoring him.

"Give a large hand for Senaaaator 'Absolute' Zeroooooo."

Zero walked in. Decked in orange armor, he quietly took his place beside Taurus who was watching the roiling crowd with acute fascination. Silver twiddled his thumbs as Wolfe continued to wave exuberantly.

"Next is the bestowed honored Skrat. He is Greenstache!"

The Koopa crowd donned fake mustaches and I burst into laughter. Lulu walked out wearing emerald-green armor and did the robot dance. The crowd's cheer grew loud as he smoothly glided into his spot beside Zero.

"Next is the Dragon of the Hidden Village, Ryu!"

Ryu appeared in a cloud of red smoke, outfitted in bold red armor. He didn't wave or cheer as he stepped into the fray, he simply walked to his place and crossed his arms; he wasn't here for games. Though he did look my way and nod. I smiled and waved back. Is there anything he doesn't look good in?

"Our next contestant is the five-time champion of Glitzville! The Golden Gladiator!"

I froze. Oh Stars pleeease don't tell me it's...

Grammy hummed thoughtfully, "You don't think it's...?"

"Stars please don't be him..." I supplanted, "Please, pleaaaase don't let it be..."

"He's the champ! Raaaawk Haaawk!"

I nearly screamed; walking down in brown armor was none other than my ex-idol. He swaggered confidently, flexing his muscles and raising cheer. He peered at me with a wicked grin and winked. Oh Stars take me now.

"Next is the baron of bad! The king of cad! The stud of strength! Make waaaay for Midbuuuuus!"

Eh? What was that? A creature best described as a huge, flabby magenta warthog stomped out, snorting and grunting. He threw his arms up in cheer and roared loudly. I turned away; Eww. He peered at me and peeled his lips back in a really ugly grin.

"Midbus tends to think all humans are ugly losers. But the not-so-bad-looking princess is...not-so-bad-looking. Midbus will have her make him sandwiches! Sandwiches and give toe massages!"

"Where did they find this guy from?" Zero whispered.

Grammy and I both drew away, "Eeewww!"

"...Let's hope he doesn't win," Grammy whispered.

"Our next competitor is a Koopa of taste and culture! Of great mind and composure! It's Prince Ludwig the Compooooser!"

I was surprised to see Ludwig dressed in gray armor. He took a performer's bow and strolled to his spot. Though stern-faced, he peered at me and waved albeit shyly. Grammy and I both waved back. I'm so shocked, why is Ludwig of all people doing this?

"Whaaaaaaat?!" Larry roared, "Luddy's competing?!"

"Luddy!?" Wendy gaped inelegantly, she snatched binoculars from her brother's claws, "Gimme that! OMISTARS! It's LUDDY!"

"Dat scrawny punk is gonna get his shell kicked!" Roy laughed darkly, "I'd pay money ta see dis but I get it fuh free!"

"Why is Luddy competing?" Junior asked, "It's so cool! I wish I could join! I'd win Mama Daisy! And then her and King Dad could get married!"

"Most interesting..." Morton hummed.

The Koopas in the stands stampeded their feet in a sharp staccato, the rhythm pulsing through the air and adding to the electrifying environment. They even began to loudly chant a tuneless song. The Koopalings crowed with glee, cheering and hopping around, "King Dad!"

"King Daddy!"

"King Pops! Show 'em what 'chu got!"

"Koopettes and Koopas, Koopalings of all ages...The final combatant is the hell raiser. No gimmicks and smoke mirrors are needed for this Koopa! He's the one, the only..."

The Koopas were on their feet before the announcer could finish and the Koopalings were screaming wildly. The crowd was so loud I could barely hear the announcer cry out:

"Kiiiiiiiiiiing Boooowsaaaaaah!"

The resulting roar was deafening as Bowser stepped under the archway. His smirk was amused and completely self absorbed. He peered around and made a show of 'absorbing' the crowd's energy. He closed his eyes and breathed in the 'electricity.'

"KING!"

"KING!"

"KING!"

He sauntered out arrogantly, threw his head back and released a bloodcurdling roar. As he walked to his designated spot, we locked stares. The entire walk across the coliseum floor he held my stare with blazing intensity. Such an intense stare didn't go unnoticed. In fact many of the coliseum goers peered between us with keen interest and muttered speculation.

A rising buzz of whispers sliced through the coliseum and some of the suitors sharpened their stares. The Koopalings whispered amongst each other with slippery grins and wagging eyebrows. Grammy raised an eyebrow and grinned at me, "Oh my. I think he's clearly trying to tell you something Pichi."

The all-consuming stare, the power behind his stride and the way he never broke eye contact told me he was serious about winning.

I want you.

By the time he was across the floor and in proper place, I was nearly as red as Mario's shirt. Geesh, sometimes I have to wonder what goes through Bowser's head. Does he even care that thousands of people saw that!? That stare-down stunt he pulled was as subtle as a puking Cataquack...And if you've ever heard a Cataquack puke then you know it is in fact NOT subtle at ALL.

Bowser stepped beside Ludwig and did a double-take, realizing he stood beside his eldest son. Though Ludwig glared, he pretended to ignore his father's presence. But Bowser wasn't having any of that. He grabbed the Koopaling's shoulder and spun him around, "Wha...? Ludwig? What the hell are you doing here?!"

Ludwig peered at him through narrowed slits, "Simple," he replied in a straight voice, "I'm here for the same reason you are."

Bowser growled, mane bristling, "What? Don't be stupid! You could get hurt. I don't even know what these games involve but you're wearing armor for a reason."

Ludwig snorted, "I believe I've considered the consequences of participating in these games already, Lord Father."

"Listen to the Big idiot, little idiot!" Midbus laughed.

Bowser grimaced, "Midbus? Stars what is this clown doing here?"

"It is another chance for Midbus to embarrass Bowser, the biggest loser of the universe!" Midbus snorted with glee.

Rawk Hawk perked up, "What's this? The Rawk thought he heard someone mention that lame King Bowser. The Hawkster is not okay with that steroid-chomping chump!"

Wolfe glowed with amusement, "Really? Then maybe you should look to your left, Pheasantman."

Luigi and Silver laughed as Rawk Hawk snapped around, growling. He pointed at them all, eyes narrowed, "The Rawk would like to know the name of the chump who has offended him! I will RAWK you all! You'll ride the pain train—!"

Then he froze as his golden eyes landed on Bowser. He nearly jumped out of his over-puffed feathers, "I-It's K-K-K-ing Bowser! He's like, stalking me! I only wanted to get revenge on the Desert babe!"

Bowser, now in a terrible mood from his quarrel with Ludwig, caught eyes with Rawk Hawk. He blinked before an evil grin grew across his face.

"Noooooo! It's like, that violent, gigantic loser!" Rawk whined, cringing and shrinking away, "The prettiest ones are always the first to die! And Rawk Hawk is by far the most gorgeous specimen here! My beautiful face...And my hair didn't get this feathered and luscious without hours of care!"

"We've finally done it!" Zero said with faux awe, "We've found someone with a lower IQ than Wolfe."

Wolfe crossed his eyes and mocked Zero, "We've finally done it! Blah, friggin' blah blah."

"These ten warriors will complete for a day with the Amor! The first event will be the chain chomp toss! Each contestant will take their turn and try to toss the chomp the farthest. The chomps come in three sizes: Puny, Basic and Massive. The most points are awarded to the farthest thrown Chomp, and the bigger it is, the better!"

Silver stepped up to the shot-put pit and rubbed powder in his hands. Three chain chomps—small, medium and large respectively—were sitting in cages. Choosing the heaviest chomp was not ideal for Silver; he was tall and slender, bordering scrawny. His arms shook with strain as he barely lifted the tiny chain chomp off the ground.

The other competitors grinned with varying degrees of amusement as Wolfe cheered for him good-naturedly. Silver nearly tripped over his own feet when he tossed the Chomp. It landed at the fifteen yard mark, which I thought was a good try.

This process was repeated. Rawk stepped up after Zero and cleared his throat with great embellishment, "AHEM! I would like to dedicate this throw to the lovely Daisy!" Rawk blew a kiss my direction.

My lip curled in a sneer; I don't want anything from that feathery jerk. The suitors shot incredulous glares as Grammy laughed with delirious glee. How could she think such stupidity was funny?! I glared at her.

"What a tool..." Wolfe huffed.

Rawk Hawk was not only making a total ass of himself but he was creating more and more enemies. He tried to pose 'valiantly' and 'suavely' ran a hand through his hair. His antics were actually starting to make foes; competitors who once ignored him were actually noticing him for all thewrong reasons. Just to be macho, he tried to lift the medium-sized Chomp one handed, wobbled, and then nearly toppled over.

The Chomp snapped and barked angrily, almost having been dropped on its head. A flood of laughter rang out across the stadium. Wolfe fell over, clutching his stomach as he bellowed with laughter. Grammy was ever polite and pretended to hide her laughs as the Koopalings squealed with glee.

Rawk must have finally decided to take things seriously because after three spins and a roar of strain, he launched the chomp to an impressive 40-yard mark. I think Wolfe and Ryu were the two surprises for the event. No one thought humans would be a match for a measure of Koopa strength, however these two proved they were strong.

Ryu lifted the medium chain chomp—which I was informed weighed thirty pounds—and threw it an admirable forty yards. Then Wolfe who, was strong by anyone's merit took the medium chomp, spun around three times and flung it an impressive sixty yards. The judges nodded and wrote down scores.

"Not bad fa some puny humans," Roy bobbed his head with acknowledgement.

"Right. They suck less than I thought..." Lemmy hummed.

Then Ludwig appeared; eyes stern, posture tense and ripe with determination. He clapped powder onto his digits and carefully picked up the medium Chomp. Bowser watched with critical eyes, stare unyielding and his eyes seemed to glow under the cast of the strong sun. I wonder how he felt about competing against one of his sons; if his expression was anything to go by, then I'd say he certainly was not happy.

Ludwig took a second deep breath and closed his eyes, slowly exhaling through his mouth as he disconnected from the loud clamor of the crowd. He concentrated, wading through the distracting tumult to find his center.

"Come on Luddy!" Junior cheered, "throw it super far! You can do it!"

"Get 'em big bro!" The twins cried, "Show 'em that conductor magic!"

"Do your best and we shall be proud!" Morton called.

"Aww...Tha little conducta ain't Koopa enough ta throw the biggest chomp?!" Roy sneered with dark glee.

Ludwig's blue eyes snapped open and he clutched the Chomp. His eyes blazed with the heat of battle and with three quick revolutions, he launched the throw. The Chomp soared through the air like a rocket and hit the field with a great thud, rolling to the edge of the field. I gaped; wow! He threw that to the 100 yard mark!

The crowd cheered as Ludwig smirked, nodding before walking off. Roy fell silent as the Koopalings teased him. Bowser stepped up next, rubbing his claws with powder. The crowd roared as their king grabbed the biggest chomp and began to spin, slowly picking up momentum. With a loud roar he tossed the Chomp and sent in flying like a bullet bill. The Chomp landed with a great thud, plopping at the 70 yard mark.

"The current leader! Kiiiiing Bowserrrrr!"

The stadium rattled, thousands of feet stomping, thousands of Koopas roaring and thousands more singing; the sound was deafening. Grammy was on her feet cheering as the Koopalings danced around and high-fived one another. As Bowser passed Midbus, the large blubbery magenta warthog intentionally bumped into him. Bowser shot a glance over his shoulder.

"Nice throw jackaaaaaaass!" The warthog? Pig? Magenta creature snorted with repulsive laughter, "That SUCKED! S-U-K-D!"

As Midbus snorted with obnoxious laughter, I was expected raging ire and a hotheaded response from Bowser but instead: Bowser simply smirked with a touch of faint amusement, "Ah Midbus. I knew I smelt unwashed Chomp ass nearby. Truly an original fragrance."

Luigi and Wolfe hid really obvious laughter as Midbus sneered, nostrils flaring, "Oh yeah?! You know what you smell like?!"

"Like sex and summer nights?" Bowser smirked.

"LIKE SEX AND SUMMER NIGHTS!" He bellowed. Midbus paused, crossing his eyes in confusion ,"Uh...Wait I meant like hot...drunk...wiggler uh...DOOKIE! HA! Haha yeah! That's what you smell like!"

Bowser sighed tiredly, rolling his eyes with strained patience, "Damn. Got me good there."

"That's right!" Midbus snorted with a wicked grin, "Midbus got you! Midbus can't get got because Midbus is the gotter who got you so don't even think about getting Midbus, got it?!"

Bowser scrunched his brows together in a firm knot of confusion as the other suitors peered at one another skeptically.

"...What the hell did we just hear?" Wolfe blinked, rubbing a finger in his ear.

"The language of stupidity," Taurus's voice was deadpan.

"I think we actually lost IQ the second he opened his moronic mouth," Zero sounded completely unimpressed.

And with that, Bowser patted the warthog on his shoulder derisively and simply turned to walk away. Midbus was smart enough to realize when he had been dismissed. He growled before stomping over to the Chomp cages, "Hey BOWSER get a load of this!"

Grunting with mounting strain, Midbus picked up the largest Chain Chomp and swung it around with great strength and with one last groan, he flung the Chomp nearly as far as Bowser. The derisive sneers and laughter from the watching suitors faltered immediately; though considerably idiotic, Midbus was still a powerful competitor.

Ryu's eyes narrowed thoughtfully, "...Perhaps we have underestimated him too soon. I think he deserves our respect..."

The Koopa officials peered over the results before announcing, "Midbus' throw was 70 yards even!"

Midbus laughed, thrusting his pelvis in a crass victory celebration, "Suck it Bowser! S-U-K it! Suck it real goooood baby!"

Zero peered at Ryu with a perfect pokerface, "'Deserves our respect' huh?"

"The second event will be the projectile contest. In this event each combatant will choose a weapon from our provided arsenal. The combatant must not only accurately hit the target, but they must destroy it to the best of their ability. Creativity, style and skill will be factored into the combatant's score. And of course, the more of the target destroyed, the higher the score!"

The stadium had an impressive weapon arsenal to choose from with hundreds of shining weapons, chains, daggers, bob-ombs. The less skilled suitors like Silver and Rawk Hawk simply bowled a bomb-omb to the target and let it explode. Zero, strangely enough, shook hands with a Thwomp before it tromped over and body-slammed the target into exploding shrapnel. The Thwomp looked pleased, happily counting a new coin bag it suddenly acquired.

The announcer raised the mic, "And now Greenstache approaches..."

Luigi chose a fire flower, his green armor flashing white and lime as he peered at the target in the distance pensively. He released a soft sigh, before launching his fist and a large spiral of green fire barreled towards the target. The green fireball exploded against the target in a raze of heat and power. By the time the last emerald embers died away, half of the large target was destroyed.

Luigi nodded his head; it must have been time to celebrate as he broke out the robot dance. Bowser laughed approvingly and then good-naturedly smacked Luigi's back. That sent Lulu careening face-first into the ground.

"GREENSTACHE!"

"GREENSTACHE!"

King Boo hissed, cupping his hand over his mouth to augment his voice, "The curtains with you knave! THE CURTAINS!"

"King Ichabod!" Grammy chided with kind admonition, "Why are you being so unkind to Lord Luigi?"

"Because," King Boo pouted, "He is nothing but a ninny who sucked me into a cleaner that vacuums..."

"Next is Wolfe..."

Wolfe picked up the ball and chain and with a couple of revolutions, it spun like a propeller, whizzing loudly. With a roar he launched the weapon, smashing the target into pieces. A third of his target remained.

The crowd cheered as Wolfe celebrated with a huge grin and a raised fist in victory. The Koopa judges nodded, muttering amongst themselves and jotting down scores. To continue the impressive efforts, Ryu picked up a wooden bow, took aim and buried his shot in the bull's-eye.

Attached to the arrow was a lit explosive tag and moments later there was a magnificent explosion, stone shattering in every direction. Smoke wafted away to reveal a third of the target left. A raise of cheer flooded the air as Ryu simply turned and walked away, not bothering to look back.

There's no way he couldn't have noticed Bowser's hostile stare; it had to feel like fire on his back. Taurus loaded the bullet bill, stuffing it in the cannon and using a flint stone to light the fuse. He plugged his ears and with a thunderous boom the bullet bill exploded, sailing through the air decimating the target.

Bowser picked up a sizeable Chomp that whined and yipped softly, shyly hiding behind his leg. He patted the chomp's sleek forehead tenderly, "Hey, no need to be nervous Ms. Chom-Chom. It's just the two of us. Relax okay girl? You're with Big Daddy."

The whimpering chomp licked at the comforting hand as he patted her head one last time, speaking softly, "Come on girl, just do this one thing for Daddy and I'll take you back to the kennels and you'll enjoy fresh Chomp treats."

The Chomp nodded and relaxed visibly. Bowser grabbed the chain, wiggling his thick claws to let his digits fall into the best grip by natural settlement. He took a deep breath, features smoothing over with stern concentration as he spun the chomp overhead, speed and power augmenting with each revolution. With one final snap he let her fly. The chomp sailed like a Bullet Bill, smashing through the target, chewing and gnawing viciously as she ripped through. There was nothing left. Nothing.

Bowser threw his arms up in furious cheer. The pink warthog hybrid was up next, looking none-too-impressed with Bowser's stellar throw. Again he nudged into the king, "That was good. Oh wait it actually WASN'T!"

"It is Midbus the Destroyer's turn..."

All attention settled onto Midbus and he waddled over to a huge rock and spat on both hands, rubbing them together before hugging the boulder in a tight grip. He grunted, chubby legs wobbling with the weight of strain and with a loud roar, Midbus shot-put the rock with surprising accuracy and power. The target ripped into pieces as the crowd cheered. Again the judges nodded with glee, whispering scores amongst each other.

"Haha! How do you like that?!"

"Let's go Luddanator!" Larry screamed.

As Midbus, moved away, Ludwig was on deck, waiting with a face of nothing but sheer determination.

"Smash that target!" Wendy cheered.

Ludwig picked up a magical scepter, which oddly enough looked a lot like a conductor's rod. He waved the wand with soft, measured movement, as if conducting a ballad and something uncanny occurred.

"Adagio...Moderato," Ludwig began waving the wand faster as the vibrations grew larger and louder, "Allegro...Presto!"

A wave of fluctuating blue magic floated, shaped like gigantic glowing treble cliffs. The floating stream of treble cliffs kissed the stone target's surface and with each touch released a pitchy note. The crowd fell silent, awed as little by little, the quickening melody began to melt away half of the statue. With his time up, Ludwig finished his composition.

"Magically amplified vibrations," Ludwig spoke softly, "Music is truly more powerful than we give it credit for."

"The next event, is the dreaded tug of waaaaaar. To expedite things, it will be performed in teams of two. The combatants will draw a number and partners hold matching number."

They each drew numbers and immediately, "Which of you losers has a two?" Bowser grunted.

"I do."

It was Ryu.

First Bowser was surprised, then it rapidly deteriorated into murderous anger. There should have been an audible sizzling with the way Bowser's eyes blazed. He sneered, smoke billowing from his jowls. "Don't. Screw. Up."

That was the most encouraging thing he could say to his partner?

"I don't think King Bowser much likes him..." Grammy hummed.

"He likes Ryu alright," I laughed dryly, "As much as Wario likes bathing; not at all."

"The judges have just revealed a two-way tie for first! Tied even are the King and Midbus the destroyer! Trailing in third is the Dragon and Prince Ludwig, and close behind is Wolfe. The tug-o-war is clearly going to determine today's winner!"

Bowser growled as the other competitors budded off into their separate teams. Bowser and Ryu—boy that would be interesting, Midbus and Zero, Silver and Ludwig, Wolfe and Taurus, and finally Lulu and Rawk Hawk. The rules were simple, pull your opponent into the mud and do as you must to win. The order of the duels were randomized, meaning some of the competitors could go multiple times and some may have to go only once.

In the first round, Team Wolfe was chosen to take on team Weegee. Rawk Hawk was a professional wrestler, a champ at one time who had been Glitzville's undisputed victor. The match was longer than anyone would have thought, Rawk Hawk gave Wolfe a good run for his money but the unquestionable strength of the Canine kicked in.

Though I hated to see Luigi tumble into the mud, I received gratification the moment Rawk Hawk fell in. He shrieked, screaming girlishly as the ground slipped from under him and he plopped in with a disgusting splat! He surfaced, completely covered in mud and splashed around shrieking, "No...My hair! Not my hair!"

Bowser growled at Ryu, cutting him a dirty glare, "Let's get one thing straight, Shinobi: I don't like you but I want to win. If winning Flower means playing nice with you. Then I'll do it."

Either Ryu ignored Bowser's blatant hostility or didn't care; probably a little of both, "We will win with teamwork."

"I'll take anchor, since anchor is the strongest," Bowser glared, hoping to get him with one last snub.

Ryu bobbed his head, remaining unaffected by his partner's blatant hostility, "That works. I'll take lead."

As I learned, the 'anchor' is the stronger of the two and was stationed in the back to well, act as an anchor for the team. Ludwig and Silver were going against Bowser and Ryu. The two teams approached the pit, glares of determination burning and faces hard like stone. Bowser and Ludwig's expressions were closed, eyes dark as they studied one another.

"Oh! It will be a standoff of kin! Father against son! King versus Prince! Who will win?!"

The Koopalings looked troubled, peering between their father and eldest brother.

"Who do we cheer for?" Iggy whispered.

"I know who I'm cheerin' fuh!" Roy laughed, he cupped his hands over his mouth to cheer, "Go King Pops! Put 'em in tha muddy drink!"

"Like, maybe we shouldn't cheer this round..." Wendy whispered, biting a coral pink claw in anxiety.

"Back out now and you won't get to taste mud," Bowser grunted.

"Not a chance," Ludwig turned his head away, "I will not keel over simply because you are my opponent."

"I don't want to see a crown prince thrown in the mud like a fool," Bowser growled, "Just quit!"

"No." Ludwig didn't raise his voice to display his anger; it was all to evident in the burn of his eyes and the clenching of his jaw, "I will not bow to you King Bowser simply because. See you in the ring."

Bowser trembled with mounting fury, eyes blazing orange as he watched Ludwig trot away, "Stupid...Stubborn...Little brat. What does he get from this?! Why does he always have to fight me at everything single turn?!"

Ryu stood behind Bowser, wisely remaining silent as the two ended their heated quarrel. Bowser growled before taking hold of the rope with a grim expression, eyes clouded from thought. As if unsure of what action to take, Ryu hesitated for a second before taking his place as lead and firmly gripping the rope between his digits. The Shinobi leader turned half of his torso as he peered back at his teammate, "...Lord Bowser—"

"I used to push that Koopaling on swings when he was little," Bowser murmured softly, "And everytime he got an owwie I used to laugh and bandage him...now we can't even do the simplest things together...He hates—" Bowser shook his head, eyes lighting in his fury as he growled, "Fine. He wants to challenge me? Then fine. He'll get his ass kicked like everyone else."

The officials counted off the beginning of the game and soon both sides were tugging. Steadily Silver and Ludwig drew closer to the edge of the mud pit. Silver dug in; sweat dotting his hairline as he tugged with all his might. While Ludwig's face was a mask of pure concentration and fury, Bowser barely looked as if he were breaking a sweat. Silver's boots were teetering on the edge of the mud pit and with the loss of another centimeter, he fell into the mud pool with a loud splash.

"Oh! There goes Silver! And now the prince is left! This does not look good for the prince!"

Now it was only Ludwig pulling against Ryu and Bowser. I was surprised when Bowser actually slackened his grip and let Ryu do all the pulling. Ludwig began to regain lost ground and began to drag Ryu toward the mud pit. Ryu was strong, but Ludwig was a Koopa imbued with the great beast strength of his creed.

He was beating Ryu!

"Wasting...Strength..." Ryu growled out.

One-handed, Bowser grabbed onto the rope again and gave a vicious yank. The first tug made Ludwig stumble, falling to his knees and the next tug hauled Ludwig right into the mud pit.

"The King and Dragon advance! For a second the Prince looked to be making headway!"

Silver and Ludwig waddled out of mud pit, dripping with slabs of grime. Bowser padded over, standing on the dry, clean ground and offered Ludwig his hand. The prince froze. Ludwig's blue eyes flickered with obvious conflict before he pretended to miss the kind gesture. He pulled himself out, sloshing right past his father and right past the out-stretched hand. I cringed at the overt rejection; that was painful to watch. Bowser said nothing, heading back with a closed expression.

The Koopalings were silent until Ludwig walked in front of them. Junior yelled, "Good job Luddy!"

"You were great!" Iggy smiled.

"You almost got that damn human in!" Larry laughed.

Ludwig shied a quick smile at his siblings. He happened to peer in my direction. I smiled, waving and was surprised when he turned his head away, muddy cheeks glowing red. Hmm, what's with him?

As Bowser made his way back, Midbus guffawed, "Hehe, you dirtied up the scrawny little punk pretty good! How old is that little loser? Five?! Two...Negative three?!"

In a mood for little nonsense, Bowser glowered, eyes dark, "..."

"And here Midbus thought he would get to kick the little shrimp's ass! A Koopa who composes music?! Ha! Midbus bets his dad—that's you—is embarrassed about having a sissy like him for a son!"

A deafening 'ooooh' reverberated through the crowd. The Koopalings squawked angrily as Wolfe, who had once been standing near Bowser, cleared away for self-preservation purposes.

"Oh sheyt..." I whispered.

Bowser growled wildly, eyes sparking orange as he charged at Midbus; there was no mistaking the intent to spill blood. It took several MagiKoopas to hold him back as their wands glowed, faces strained with effort.

"King Bowser settle down!" One Magikoopa clucked.

"Please settle down Sire! You will be disqualified if you touch him!" Another cried.

"Whoa ho! Emotions certainly are running high out here! This will make an interesting match in the finals."

Ryu had enough self-preservation to wait until the hot rage of Bowser's ire cooled to reasonable levels. Though a bit more calm, Bowser clenched his fists until his knuckles bled white with strain as his tail thrashed angrily. He approached his fuming partner, "We have to face off against Wolfe and Taurus."

"Newsflash Shinobi, they're humans," Bowser grunted, still glaring at Midbus, "They'll be easy to pull in."

Ryu crossed his arms, "You underestimate Wolfebane's strength. I've seen him haul a five hundred-pound wrestler out of a ring."

"He's strong for a human, I'll give him that, but that's as far as it goes," Bowser grunted dismissively.

Ryu spoke with a thread of resignation, "See farther than your nose, King; Midbus has not had a single match. He and his partner both have fresh arms. By the time we face off against him, it'll be our third match."

Bowser finally made a considering look, "You finally said something worthwhile and none of that mystical piranha shit. Let's kick their ass and use as little energy as possible."

"Good plan," Ryu nodded.

Across the field Wolfe and Taurus were pulled in for a huddle, shooting Ryu and Bowser looks every now and then. There was no heated verbal sparring or distain; shocking right? Bowser and Ryu get along as well as oil mixes into water but Wolfe and Taurus were fire and water, dangerous inverses that see no rhyme or reason in the other.

"You think you can pull that big monster into the mud?" Taurus spoke, "that would be the sight to see."

"Considering I've got a huge-ass Koopa to pull, and we're absolutely puny to Bowser, it's no good," Wolfe shook his head, "We're going in that mud pit one way or the other."

"The Shinobi is strong but even he has to grow weary," Taurus rubbed his chin, "Think we can at least pull him in?"

Surprisingly the twosome grinned at one another. Taurus spoke, "If we lose, I want to handicap them badly for the next go. I want them to struggle next round against that warthog idiot."

"I'm down with that," Wolfe laughed darkly.

The twosome stepped up to the mud pit with game faces ready. The countdown reached zero and when the round begun, both teams pulled. Bowser laughed as he and Ryu slowly dragged Taurus and Wolfe closer to the soggy, unwelcoming stretch of mud.

A mixture of disgust and anger flickered on Taurus's face as he was dragged off the podium and flung into the mud. Wolfe growled, crouching lower as he fought back with a surprisingly large amount of strength. Bowser laughed, "Not bad Dogboy! You're pretty strong for a puny human! Kitty would be proud you're not a chump."

"Really?" Wolfe's expression lit up with hope.

"Yeah, but then she'd probably be pissed you went in the mud like a chump."

And with an arch grin, Bowser tugged the rope with a vicious yank and flung a yelping Wolfe head-first into the mud. He surfaced, shaking his head and spitting out mud, "DAMNIT! This mud tastes nasty! Ugh! AUGH!"

With bellowing laughter, Bowser helped pull Wolfe out of the mud, who kept slipping and tripping up over his own two feet.

"This is all what it all comes down to Koopas and Koopettes! Two contestants are tied for first! Will King Bowser win? Or will Midbus the destroyer win the Amor of victory?"

Midbus laughed, "Midbus will enjoy sending Queen Bowser in the mud! Then Midbus will point at you and laugh! Then Midbus will do a crude gesture to you! And then Midbus will have that not-so-bad-looking human girl lick his toes and pop the pimples on Midbus's back!"

I quit. I'm going to chuck my shoe at him. I'm in the front row; I'm sure I can hit him from here. Or maybe I can just hop down to that arena floor and drive my foot up his ass. The four contestants encroached, eyes burning with the glow of competition. This was for all the marbles and for who I'd spend the rest of the day with. If Bowser screwed this up, I'd kill him.

I don't know how hard it would be to terminate an eight foot Koopa, but I'd try my hardest. Bowser and Ryu settled on one end as Midbus and Zero reached the other. They grabbed the rope and with the final countdown, they began the final round.

I nearly screamed as Bowser and Ryu began losing ground against Midbus and Zero. The ache of fatigue and strain must have burned their muscles and the two earlier matches must have overwrought their strength.

Bowser grit his teeth, a fury of concentration scourged his face as he locked his arms and dug his feet into the ground for better traction. Midbus dragged them closer to their end, inch by inch. The obnoxious warthog sneered with wicked glee as his flabby arms tugged, dragging Ryu and Bowser perilously towards the edge of their platform. Ryu's foot nearly touched the cliff of the pool. A smatter of sweat glinted on his forehead as the muscles in his arms grew taunt with stress.

Bowser peered right at Midbus, who was grinning wickedly. Then, a slow grin crawled across the king's maw, "I wanted to see your best Midbus and I gotta say...I stand unimpressed."

"What? You're about to loser, loser!" Midbus laughed.

"You've been weighed, measured and found wanting," Bowser laughed with dark zeal, "And now... I kick your ass. Again."

The smile wiped from his face as Bowser snarled furiously, yanking Ryu as if he was nothing but a life-sized ragdoll. The sudden violent jolt backwards surprised Ryu as he staggered, nearly toppling over. With another strong tug from the King, Ryu was cleared from the edge. Bowser growled, performing another solid tug as he jerked Zero and Midbus closer to the pit.

With labored effort, Bowser slowly dragged Midbus and Zero, yanking them along brusquely like misbehaved Chain Chomps. Zero cursed, staggering as Midbus gaped in disbelief. Grammy rose to her feet and cheered, "You show 'em King Bowser!"

"Get 'em King Dad!" Junior whooped.

"The king! The king is dragging them! Holy Stars! What power! What sheer strength! Can he do it?! Or will he burn out?!"

With each step back, Bowser slowly dragged Zero and Midbus forward with jarring tugs. Midbus growled, digging his feet into the floor and centering his gravity. He was sweating buckets, tugging against Bowser's offense; I don't know why but I bet Midbus stank terribly.

Midbus wheezed loudly, arms straining with fatigue as Zero pulled. Bowser and Ryu pressed their advantage, dragging them closer to the edge of their platform. Zero grimaced, staring into the unwelcoming, filthy slosh of mud.

With dual strain from Bowser and Ryu, Zero toppled into the mud pit like a domino. Midbus growled; fatigued arms baking and tired muscles protesting the strain. His clawed talons scraped against the edge of the stage with desperation.

"Shinobi," Bowser growled, "Wish the pink jackass goodnight."

Ryu actually barked out a laugh, "Goodnight Midbus."

"This isn't the last of Midbus you scaly jerk!" Midbus growled, knowing he was licked, "Midbus will see you—!"

Midbus lunged forward, screeching as he plopped into the mud with a resounding splat. Once the battle was won, Ryu wiped the sweat from his forehead. The victors peered at each other and Bowser, though glaring, barely nodded his head; it was the stiffest nod of acknowledgement I had ever seen.

"The victors are the King and the Dragon! Which would make King Bowser the ultimate victor!"

A shattering bellow of cheers rose as the Koopas stood, throwing their fists in the air. Bowser grinned, raising an arm in the air of victory. Grammy and I cheered wildly, laughing and jumping happily.

"You have to give him the rose of victory!" Grammy smiled, "Go on Pichi! I've got my camera ready!"

The Matron appeared with a smile, motioning my follow. We trailed down an exclusive set of steps that led to the coliseum floor. The thunderous rumbles and cheers shook the floor under my feet. I wasn't even competing and I felt nervous. I peered at the Matron who smiled, "And now, you grace them with your presence."

"What do I do after that?" I asked.

"The announcer will tell you," she smiled.

She gracefully motioned, and taking a deep breath, I stepped out before millions, holding the rose of victory clutched to my chest.

"And here comes the Maiden of Amor!"

There were cheers, whistles and catcalls as I marched over to the awaiting combatants. Bowser turned to face me completely, straightening up suddenly. I approached until I was encircled by the combatants; I felt so small around the tall group of guys.

They were all staring intensely; geesh as if they haven't seen a girl in their life before. Their piercing stares made my cheeks glow as I smoothed my gown with discomfort. Wolfe's face glowed red as he tried to wipe the last of the mud off his face as Silver self-consciously slicked his muddy bangs from his face.

"Repeat after me fair Maiden," the announcer smiled, "'I now present to you, Victor, your Amor of Victory.'"

I turned to Bowser, whose sharp smile grew, "I now present to you, Victor, your Amor of Victory."

The announcer grinned, "And as is tradition, the princess shall reward her victor with a kiss."

I froze; jaw dropping. I peered at Bowser who donned a crooked smirk. He shrugged helplessly in a way that was far too innocent. He was filthy, sweaty and crusted with a taupe film of dust and grime. But those red eyes of his glowed like fire. I realized everyone was waiting for me. The roar of the crowd had settled into sparse mutters as even the combatants peered at me expectantly.

The displeasure all but glowed vibrantly in Wolfe's eyes as Silver frowned. Taurus stared hard, eyes burning as Zero remained perfectly blasé, brows furrowed. And Ryu? The Shinobi heir was sweaty...filthy...armor fitting that lean torso oh so perfectly. Dirty boys needed to be cleaned up...

Ugh! Mental slappage! Mental slap!

I peered at Bowser, swallowing thickly. He wasn't making a single move; he was waiting on me to initiate the kiss. Like a knight, he took a knee and with a soft breath, I planted a kiss to his soaked temple. I was surprised when a crow of displeasure roiled in the crowd and there were even a sprinkle of boos. Stunned, I pulled back, blinking at the revolting mass.

"Real kiss! Real kiss!" The crowd began to chant until the cheer caught on like wildfire and spread through the entire coliseum.

Bowser froze as the audible chant saturated the air.

"What's this? The crowd wants a real kiss!"

I blushed maroon as some even began a crude chant of, "Tongue! Tongue! Tongue!"

I gaped at Bowser with a sluice of ice racing down my spine; he couldn't possibly expect me to...to kiss him like that?!I haven't even...I...I can't do it! Bowser laughed softly, "I think we better get this over with before they get worse."

My voice was a pathetic squeak, "You w-want me to T-Tongue k-k-k—!?"

He smiled, shaking his head, "I'm not tryin' to give these people a show. I'm not going to embarrass you."

Mollified, I breathed a sigh of relief, "Thanks..."

"So," an arch grin spread across his face, "Can I kiss you now?"

My perpetual blushing can't be healthy; all the blood rushing to my head was starting to make me dizzy as my heart fluttered. I was fairly new to the bliss of kissing; couldn't this be done without thousands of rabid bystanders!?

"Y-Yeah..." I whispered, averting my eyes from his crooked grin.

"Close your eyes..." he purred.

I swallowed audibly, snapping my eyes shut. A smooth claw grazed my cheek, softly turning my head. There was a soft rise of 'Oohs!' And a chorus of whistles from the crowd. Then soft warmth touched my lips and a flood of liquid heat blazed in the pit of my stomach. A raise of thunderous cheers broke forth, and following were roars of disappointment flooding in when the kiss ended all too soon. I blinked, eyes fluttering as Bowser peered at me with a small grin.

"Give it to her King Dad!"

"King dad you ladykiller, you!"

"It's like a fairytale! OmiStars!"

"King Dad kissed Mama Daisy!"

Bowser rose to his feet, offering his hand, "Now that I officially won some alone time, you ready to begin our tour without the other losers?"

My head was still spinning and the cuckoo birds were still chirping, "Yeah...sure..."

He smirked, "I had to beat the others just to get you alone. Completely worth it. We'll take Grammy too."

I was surprised when Bowser gently took my hand, entwining two of his gigantic fingers with mine. We met eyes and with a growing smirk, he gave my hand a gentle squeeze we walked out of the coliseum hand in hand. The crowd was on their feet cheering and screaming as we walked out of the arena. The fans were littering rose petals over the arena and onto our heads. I laughed as a shower of fragrant, beautiful petals littered the air.

"Uh Bowser?"

"What's up my little Amor?"

"You think you could...Shower first or something?"

He paused, "You tryin' to tell me I got serious BO?"

I laughed, "No! You're just dirty and all..."

"Women..." Bowser rolled his eyes, with amusement, "Never understand the masculine power of sweat and grime."

"I understand the power of a shower!"

We both laughed.

---

One fifteen minute shower produced a freshly scented, clean Koopa king. We took a brand-new, sleek clown copter and the three of us were sailing in the blazing ruby skyline. Grammy was busy snapping photos as I stood beside Bowser, "So where to first?"

He smirked, "I've been trying to decide if I should blow your mind now or later. And I've decided to do both."

I laughed, "Have you ever not been sure of yourself?"

"Probably not," he grinned right back, "Unless you like humble guys..."

The approaching horizon glowed flame-red with the fire of volcanic activity. Coifing billows of hot, blistering smoke flumed the air, spreading in the sky like split liquid. A chain of glowing volcanoes blazed red, peaks frothing and bubbling with magma and fire.

"We're going to a volcano?" I mused.

Bowser shot a mysterious grin my way, "It's a tiny surprise."

"The Darklandian Crown of the Kings," Grammy hummed knowingly.

Bowser laughed, "And I just can't get one past you, can I Grammy?"

"The what?" I asked.

"I would tell you but I don't want to ruin the king's surprise," Grammy smiled, "I won't say any more."

Crown of the Kings? What did these volcanic chains have anything to do with crowns and kings? The clown copter landed outside of the most monumental of the dormant volcanoes. Bowser gallantly helped Grammy and I out the copter and spearheaded, guiding us to the dark entrance.

It was nearly pitch-black, save for the eerie rows of torches weakly illuminating the rocky pathway. The thick shroud of darkness and hollow silence was creepy, there wasn't even a single scratch of a bug crawling away or any other critter skittering.

I carefully took Grammy's arm within mine as we walked to the center of the volcano and it must have been where Bowser wanted us to be. He turned to face us and motioned, "Here we are," he spoke softly, "Ladies, this is the Crown of Kings."

The jagged volcanic walls were filled with rows of torches, spiraling and wrapping up the wall until the torches faded from sight. Most of the torches were doused, with only the closest torch alive with flicking flames.

Under each torch were words written in beautiful Darklandian cursive. The deep mahogany expanse of volcano reached far above, towering and dwarfing overhead until its cavernous walls disappeared completely from sight.

"What is this place?" I asked with awe.

"This is the volcano better known as the Crown of Kings," Bowser spoke with a bit of reverence, "the torches you see around you were once lit during each king's lifecycle. Once they perished, their flames are doused forever."

The towering, rocky volcanic walls were covered in so many torches and yet only the last torch was lit; because it was Bowser's flame, the most recent Darklandian king. It was creepy, morbid even but there was something truly phenomenal about the visualization of the innumerable predecessors.

I walked over to the last glowing flame. I studied the Darklandian cursive and swept a finger across the beautiful calligraphy. I felt Bowser step beside me, studying my expression. I barely heard him whisper, "What are you thinking?"

"How do you say your name in...your native tongue?" I asked, "Like the way it's written on this plaque."

For a moment surprise lay bare on Bowser's face until a slow grin crawled across his snout. Smirking, he growled coarsely in a deep, rumbling bass; though I couldn't apprehend a real name within his primal gnarr, I did pick up two-syllables, like Bow-ser?

"So this is your life flame?" I whispered, smiling up at him. Then I tried to growl his name in Darklandian which roused a riotous laughter from the king, "It sucked that badly huh?"

"Not bad!" He boomed with mirth, "Not bad at all for a first try. But yep, this is my life symbol. The fire came straight from the holy magma pits blessed by Magikoopa priests," Bowser rolled his eyes, shaking his head, "big to do over nothing if you ask me. But I just...I dunno, wanted to show you something I've never showed anyone."

I smiled, "I'm touched Bowser. And I read about this. How your flame is a symbol of your life. And if its blown out before its rightful time it's a...curse right?"

He looked impressed, "More like a bad premonition. I didn't know you were interested in Darklandian culture."

"Well of course! I studied Darklandian culture when I first became a diplomat for Sarasaland," I smiled shyly, "I wanted to respect your culture...And I didn't want to offend."

"You? Offend me!? Well ain't that cute," he grinned, "You just keep on impressing me with everything you do Flower...You're really...something else..."

"We have a ton of books about Darklandian culture, but y'know they're all super outdated, published in the 1950's," I blushed, moving a stray lock behind my ear, "I think some of the culture is beautiful...Like the flame-blowing before a bride and groom kiss...And a flame is lit when a Koopaling is born."

His expression softened, "You like that huh? I could teach you more. Or at least give you reading material from this decade."

I laughed, "I would like that. I figured your torch would be somewhere majestic."

"Everyone's torches are in a volcano," he mused, "this place is specific for the Darklandian kings. The volcano is mostly dormant and it blazes every now and then and rekindles my torch."

"King Bowser," Grammy popped in between us, "I think you ought to tell Pichi the meaning behind this act, don't you think...?"

"Huh? What do you mean Grammy?" I blinked at her as a bead of sweat rolled down Bowser's cheek.

She smirked, coyly resting her head against her palm, "When a Koopa reveals his life flame there's a...significance behind it."

When we both peered at Bowser, his face flamed dark red; it was obvious, even under the weak lighting, "Uh...W-Well, y-you see Flower...Uh...Usually w-when a Koopa takes a person...usually a person of the opposite gender, i-it symbolizes how...i-important they are...So yeah. There. I said it. Y-You're pretty important."

I smiled, "Bowser..."

Grammy grinned, "But most importantly coming here symbolizes Bowser surrendering his heart to you, Pichi."

I froze, eyebrows shooting to my hairline, "Bowser is this...true?"

I peered at Bowser and if possible, his face bled a deeper red. He rounded on Grammy and bellowed, flapping his arms wildly, "G-GRAMMY!? W-WHAT THE HECK!? Y-YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL HER ALL OF THAT!"

Grammy chuckled softly, "Now, now young shell, no need to be embarrassed..."

"E-Embarrassed!? Who's embarrassed!?" Bowser roared; yup, he totally was.

"That means a lot Bowser," I whispered, "You're...the only suitor who has been so honest..."

As Bowser continued to squawk at Grammy for 'betraying' him, I studied the lone flame. Someday would Bowser's torch be a doused, worn-away stump like the other kings of the past? I pushed away such a morbid thought, not wanting to ponder a day where he could be gone... The wall of torches towered so high I couldn't see all of the doused torches.

Bowser lightly touched my shoulder and motioned me to follow. I peered at the flickering flame one last time before going, "I've got another place I want to take you."

"Alright..."

The visit to the Crown of Kings had left me breathless and slightly overwhelmed. The looming presence, the greatness of so many past kings lingered like a wraith and seeing the doused flames put so many things into perspective: they were once alive and like them, there will come a time when the flame of your life will be snuffed.

The majestic volcanic chains faded from sight as a surprising green strip of land steadily crept closer. I peered at Bowser questioningly, "The Darklands has pretty green land?"

He rolled his eyes, "For your information, volcanic soot is very rich with minerals, nutrients and other junk that makes good soil. Apparently we have sucky-ass PR; everyone and their mother seems to think the entire kingdom is a dead wasteland. Expand your horizons a bit Flower."

I laughed as Grammy flanked our side, "And where to now Lord Bowser?"

Bowser turned to Grammy with a soft smile, "There's something I want you to see."

The copter landed at one of the strings of bright green islands. A lofty black obelisk was tall enough to pierce the sky and surrounding it were other slender, looming obelisks; this meadow was a beautiful cemetery with plenty of flora, trees and opulent statues of Koopas frozen in heroic poses.

Grammy peered at Bowser with disbelief, "Where are we...?"

He smirked, "This is a place I want you to visit because I know it'll mean something to you. It's more for you than your granddaughter, no offense Flower."

"None taken," I laughed.

As we traveled through the serene cemetery, Grammy's lucid eyes grew cloudy; did she know where we were? I was starting to worry about her. Bowser took one more right and came to a stop. Bowser rocked back on his heels, arms folded behind his back—if he could—playfully as he peered at Grammy with an arch grin, "And here's my surprise for you Grammy..."

He scooted aside and grinned. A life-sized stone Koopa statue was erected beside a monumental catacomb. The stone Koopa, though fierce, reminded me of Bowser; they shared similar features, the same stern, strong eyes and a defined jaw line.

"Ta-da," he chuckled softly, "What do you think?"

Grammy stepped forward, eyes round with surprise and marvel. She stared up at the Koopa statue wordlessly, unmoving for a long time. She finally stretched a tentative hand towards the stone face. Her hands visibly shook as her eyes glinted with glistening tears.

"Grammy...?" I whispered.

Both Bowser and I were terrifically surprised when Grammy read the grave fluently. Whoa, Grammy knew Darklandian?! She turned to Bowser with a film of unbroken tears shining in her eyes.

Her voice trembled with overflowing emotion, "This is...this is Serous's grave...?"

Bowser nodded, a small smirk present, "You said you never had the chance to visit his grave. I thought I'd help out a kind empress."

It was completely unexpected when Grammy collapsed into tears, hugging Bowser tightly. The king froze, true surprise glowing on his face, "Uh...?"

"You do not know how much this means to me," Grammy wept openly, "Thank you King Bowser. I can finally see my friend after so many long years...I...Oh Stars...My heart is singing..."

She sank to her knees, peering up at the stone monument of King Serous, continuing to weep deeply; I had never seen her cry before. It wrenched my heart; watching someone I loved in such pain nearly made me produce tears of my own. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, "Granna..."

I went to comfort her but Bowser gently restrained me, his expression unusually compassionate, "Let her be Flower. I think she's really happy right now. She's just overcome with emotion."

I peered back; Grammy was hunched over the grave, whispering and gently stroking the flowers, "It's been awhile hasn't it dear friend? I'm afraid I've grown a little grayer and a bit more worn since we last spoke. Didn't I tell you I'd see you again? So much has happened. Where should I begin...?"

Bowser smiled with such rare tenderness that I did a double-take. I drank in the gentle glow of his eyes and the muted curve of his grin. I realized I was staring too long when his expression altered into confusion, "...What is it? You've been staring..."

It felt like thousands of tiny candles were lit in my cheeks, "Uh...I-It's nothing...Let's just give Grammy some time to herself."

We ambled away, allowing Grammy a moment to properly grieve her friend. The adjacent mausoleum was King Morton's and as we passed his fierce statue, I thanked the Stars Bowser looked more like his grandfather.

Even depicted as a stone statue, King Morton gave me the creeps, he looked cruel; burly physique etched with jagged scars, a malicious sneer and cold, unfeeling eyes that seemed to follow your movement.

I don't know how much time passed as we strolled through the cemetery, laughing and sharing one another's company but it didn't bother me; when I was with Bowser the fabric of time unraveled and desisted. The golden sun glowed against our backs in a brilliant aura of warmth. I peered at my friend, "Bowser..."

"Hmm?" he mumbled thoughtlessly.

Under the luminosity of midday's burn, his eyes blazed like fire. They really were a pretty shade of red; it was as if his eyes sparked with electricity. The sun made the scales on his arms glow like flecks of molten gold.

"You did something really great back there for Grammy," I whispered, "I...I've never seen her so...emotional. But in a good way y'know? I think she was holding that in for too long."

He growled contently, "Bet Gramps would have liked that too."

Bowser had revealed more of himself than all of my other suitors combined, and though he was speculated as evil and fiendish, he had one of the biggest, most valiant hearts I knew. His rage and fury was a suffocating, awful facet of his personality but then there were tender, glowing moments, moments like these that made me see past his darkness.

"Bowser..." I whispered, "bend down a bit, you have something on your cheek. Let me get it for you."

As he did so, I seized the opportunity and softly pressed my lips against his cheek. His scales were smooth and warm like sun-baked river stones. I pulled away and whispered breathlessly against the side of his mandible, "Thank you..."

He drew away, face dark-red and jaw hanging. He had a perfect cherry-red lip imprint glowing on his cheek. He stared at me wide-eyed, a hand holding the place where I had kissed him. Bowser whispered with awe, "Y-You kissed me..."

"Y-Yeah..." I whispered nervously.

"W-What was that for? N-Not that I'm complaining, hell, a Koopa wants to know what he's gotta do to get summa that on the regular."

I felt the burn of blush as I smiled, "You did something really nice for my Grandmother. S-So...yeah thank you."

His stupor turned into a huge glowing grin. He was still bright-red as he bellowed with laughter, rubbing the back of his head. He was laughing so hard sparks flew from his mouth, "Ahahaha! That's why?! Shiiiiiiit, you got me glowing like a Fire flower on drugs! That was nothing! I'm happyto help that cute lil ole lady!"

Then he purred in a gravelly voice, "And I'd do anything for you. Just say the word Flower..."

He nuzzled my nose, purring amorously. His good mood was infectious as I returned his affectionate nuzzle. The reward of his broadening smile was worth it. Tough Koopa kings weren't supposed to purr like cute blitties.

I was stunned when he grabbed my hand and with a playful wink pressed a hard kiss against my knuckles. I flushed dark-red when I realized he had no intention of letting go anytime soon.

"Oh-hooooo, your skin taste like raspberries," he shot a wicked grin my way.

My face flamed red, "B-Bowser! Stars! Do you even think about half the things you say!?"

Bowser laughed wickedly, eyes narrowed, "You think that was bad? Well. Do you know what I'd do to you and that yummy raspberry skin? Flower I could just lick you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day—"

"Am I interrupting something...?"

Oh crap. Grammy alert! I repeat, Grammy alert!

Grammy stood under a halo of sunlight, blue eyes bright and hair aglow under the burn of daylight. Her mauve lips curved into a suspicious smile. She peered at Bowser and arched an amused eyebrow, patiently tapping her foot against the soil.

"Erm...Crap..." Bowser jerked away, trying to slowly withdraw as if that would make things any less awkward, "N-Not at all my queen. We weren't doin' jack diddly."

Too bad guilt was written all over his face. Grammy's eyes twinkled with wicked glee as she tittered quietly, "I certainly hope not. It's getting late don't you think? I'm sure my Pichi is famished after so much excitement. Now let's get back to the palace Mr. 'All day.'"

Bowser's slack-jawed expression only made me laugh harder. As we headed for the clown copter, Grammy paused, turning to peer at Bowser with an arch grin, "By the way Lord Bowser...?"

"Yes...?" he still looked sheepish.

"That shade of lipstick on your cheek goes quite well with your complexion," she smirked before turning away.

Bowser's eyes popped open as his face burned red with blush. Despite my own embarrassment, I burst out laughing. The sun had began its descent, flaring garnet-red in the early evening skyline. As Bowser helped load us into the clown copter, he caught sight of his reflection and did an obvious double-take.

"What?" I asked curiously.

He studied his reflection with a large grin, delicately fingering the red lipstick stamp on his cheek, "Nothing. Everything's perfect."

---

Meanwhile in one of the Bowser Keep's built in mall shops, Lemmy Koopa hummed merrily, finishing up the final touches of a prank. A prank he had crafted especially for his dear sister. Wendy, aka 'the target' was completely unsuspecting, happily snooping around the shop, holding up different dresses to her figure.

Lemmy leaned against a door, whistling inconspicuously. When no one was watching, he swung into the deserted girl's dressing room and began setting up the prank for his sister to walk into; she always tried on clothes. Once the bucket of paint wobbled precariously atop the doorframe, Lemmy stepped back to admire his handy work.

Red paint did always suit Wendy's complexion...

Then there was a shrill shriek that made him nearly jump out of his shell, "Eeeeeeeeek! A-A boy! Shoo! Get out of here now mortal!"

"Huh?"

He saw a glittering pink curtain rattling and as he approached, the valance slowly slipped open. A female boo with aqua eyeshadow and two large crimson bows on either sides of her head gaped back at him in mortification.

In the forefront of his mind, it struck him how pretty she was. The ghoul held up a shirt to modestly 'cover' herself as she shrieked girlishly. Her scream distorted with an eerie ghoulishness, traveling like sonar as her keening wail shattered the room's mirrors, windows and the lights flickered spookily. Lemmy staggered away, gaping at the unworldly spectacle.

"W-What in the world is wrong with you?! Y-You mortal creep!" She snapped, white cheeks glowing pink, "Don't you know it's quite rude to waltz into a ladies' changing room?! Hmph! Trying to peek on a pretty young Booette like myself?!"

Lemmy blinked, stunned, "But you don't have anything to hid—"

Before he could finish, she walloped him with a matching red fan, smacking a myriad of stars into his vision. She hovered inches away from his face, eyes glowing a demonic red. As she screamed, her voice mutated; as if she spoke with multiple voices, "Intrude on me again and I will possess your sooooooul!"

"Whoa!" He blinked, raising his hands in universal surrender, "My bad! I didn't know anyone was in here! I'm sorry Miss...?"

"I'm Lady Bow you shameless simpleton! As if you're even deserving of my fair name, " she sniffed, "My father will hear of this and you will be sorry you scaly sack of flesh!"

With a haughty sniff she made sure to shove past him, floating away but when she reached the doorframe, she shot one last appraising glance at him through the corner of her eyes, "Such a shame...you were kinda cute."

Like a summer breeze, she floated through the wall, nose held to the air with feminine indignation. Cheek smarting terribly, Lemmy stared after the boo in awe. Larry appeared seconds later grinning, "Dude Wendy should be here in any sec! She's gonna scream and rage!"

"Uh huh..." Lemmy seemed dazed.

"Everything's good to go right?"

"Uh huh..."

Larry squinted an eye, "You're a doofus face with buckteeth and a soft shell."

"Uh huh..." Lemmy sighed dreamily.

Lemmy was still dazed, a hand still clutched to his cheek where the girl had hit him. Larry arched an eyebrow, "Dude! What's with that goofy look on your face!?"

"Dude..." Lemmy whispered, green eyes wide, "I...I think I might be crushin'."

---

Ryu exited the palace walls and stepped outside. His scarf danced in the balmy wind as he ambled over to where Luigi, Wolfe, Silver, and Zero were standing around, talking amongst each other quietly. Luigi and Silver acknowledged him with a small smile.

"Why the hell are we out here?" Wolfe grunted with an unusually jaded expression.

"For a change I agree with Wolfe," Zero huffed, "If the Princess isn't involved, I have no need to be near you idiots."

"Ouch..." Luigi whispered.

Zero laughed, "Oh please, let's not pretend we even like each other. If I was civil to you, it's merely to keep up appearances. We are competing for the same girl after all."

Wolfe smiled, "Well if that's the case..."

He stepped closer to Zero until he was a few inches away, looming over him with an ominous glower. Golden eyes narrowed as he spoke in a guttural whisper, "If it weren't for Daisy, I would have kicked your ass a long time ago. You and Taurus both. Keep trying me with your bullshit comments and you'll find yourself in trouble soon."

Puppo growled on his shoulder, fur spiking up like a hedgehog. The two of them stared at each other with burning glares and the tense atmosphere only made Silver grow more nervous. Luigi stepped back, in case something did happen.

"P-Prince Taurus wished to speak to u-us of something urgent," Silver whispered, twiddling his thumbs.

"Therefore I asked 'why the hell are we out here,' I don't even like that guy," Wolfe huffed, arms crossed over his torso, "Hell, I've been considering kicking his ass for half the stuff he said to me."

Puppo barked something from Wolfe's shoulder that only made him shrug, "Yeah, who can trust the smell of cheap cologne? I can't either, Pups."

"Taurus has no reason to speak with us if he doesn't get something out of it," Ryu spoke considering, blue eyes narrowed speculatively, "Our notice benefits him whether we know the ulterior motive or not."

"I second that." Zero added.

"Ah the party's all here."

Taurus approached with a languid, nonchalant grace; hands stuffed within pockets, collar upturned and a sharp grin dancing upon his lips. Under the scorching Darklandian sun, his slicked-back amber locks blazed in a lustrous silver corona as his expensive cream-colored, Goomba Armani three-piece suit did nothing but glorify the prince's long, lean physique.

Wolfe barely hid his lip-curling sneer as Taurus entered the circle. It didn't go noticed by the others how he knocked into Wolfe's shoulder. Wolfe growled audibly, eyes darkening as he stepped forward, ready to make a go at him, but Ryu's hand to the shoulder stopped the Canine heir.

"Hello gentlemen," Taurus cooed smoothly, looking at them through lowered lashes, "I summoned you here because I wanted to bring something to your attention. I've had my suspicions for awhile but now I find them well-founded."

"And those are what exactly?" Zero asked.

"First and foremost," Taurus spoke in a perfectly casual voice, "One, I detest you all and two, I only tell you this because it helps me. Now that we got that out of the way, King Bowser and Princess Sarasaland have been in violation of our treaty. The seven of us were to never have...relations with the princess."

Surprise was bared, "What?"

Wolfe laughed darkly, "Get the hell outta here dude. I could smell if they got it on. Come again Overlord Dipshit."

Luigi hid a muffled laugh though Taurus didn't bat an eye, "When they separate from tonight's date, I want you to test that theory," Taurus smirked, "I bet you'd be surprised. I personally do not like the idea of receiving something I'm not promised."

"You have no proof," Zero replied.

"Have you seen the way they stare at each other?" Taurus asked, a single eyebrow raised, "did any of you find it odd how his children knew her, they break protocol and forget titles far too often for it to be coincidental. Come on Ryu, you're supposed to be sharp, it didn't strike you as odd?"

"..." Ryu remained silent.

Luigi huffed, "She-a works as a diplomat every-a weekend to help the relation between-a Sarasaland and the Darklands."

"And yet there is an extreme lack of protocol and regulation between them," Taurus replied, "They've been hiding a secretive relationship."

"If I didn't know any better," Ryu's eyes narrowed just the slightest, "I'd think you had something against the Princess. Just my speculation."

"Tough crowd I see," Taurus laughed softly, "Hard evidence is needed."

From one of his pockets Taurus produced a manila envelope and handed it to the Shinobi head. Ryu carefully opened the tab and produced a thick stack of photos. The suitors crowded in, taking a handful each. Taurus watched calmly as the photos were studied.

In one set of photos Bowser and Daisy were dressed up at a theater, in another they vacationed on a yacht and the last, but most incriminating was a photo of them on a beach and Princess Daisy wore a teeny-weeny red bikini cradled in King Bowser's arms.

That photo for some mysterious reason was studied the most. Even the most stolid, equable suitors performed a long double-take. Eyebrows rose, jaws dropped, necks craned closer and...

"Mama Mia..." Luigi whispered, face burning red.

"Damn that's a good body. I'd sop up milk with a biscuit and eat off of that," Wolfe whispered none-too-quietly under his breath.

Silver was too flustered to speak as Ryu narrowed his eyes.

Taurus smirked, "Just a heads up for you boys."

"This s-seems wrong," Silver whispered, a frown marring his soft features, "I can't see anything good c-coming with this..."

"What are you going to do with these? Leak them to the press? Sell them to the tabloids?" Zero asked.

"Emperor Sakuro will flip-a out," Luigi frowned.

"Not just that," Ryu whispered, "this could hurt Princess Daisy's modest reputation as well."

"No..." Taurus smiled mysteriously, "I just wanted to see what you all thought. Am I right? There's something between them? It has to make you wonder what she's doing to 'convince' him to pass all their tariffs and new legislation. King Bowser is more stubborn than ten mules, andsuddenly he is passing new treaties without a single hitch? Tch."

A uniform silence settled over the five suitors. A princess was a chaste totem of virtuous purity and morale; there was a reason they wore full-length dresses and gloves after all; they were supposed to be modest and maidenly, seen as upstanding ladies.

The tabloids always went crazy when they saw skin above Princess Peach's knees. Or when she wore her athletic tennis skirt and the same applied when Daisy was caught wearing athletic tennis shorts during the Mario Star tournaments.

Wolfe didn't or rather wouldn't know the difference between this culture and his; Land's End was hot and being completely covered was not only illogical but a dreadful recipe for heatstroke.

Most Canine girls wore halters and tube tops under a steady ninety-five degree forecast. But the other suitors understood the ramifications of these photos perfectly well. The photos they held were slanderous and could potentially be utilized as a weapon or blackmail.

"What do you guys think?" Taurus asked.

"There's no question in my mind that King Bowser is in love with her." Zero answered honestly.

"I didn't want you all in the dark," Taurus spoke as if he were bored, "I've been trying to figure out if we've really ever had a fair shot at Princess Sarasaland to begin with. We reall—"

A catchy cell phone jingle went off and Taurus blinked, "Ah, bet that's Rogueport. Excuse me gentlemen but I must take this one."

He pulled a sleek silver phone from his pocket and with a flick of his thumb flipped it open. In three long strides Taurus was nearly halfway across the courtyard and nearly out of hearing range, "Don Pinata! Hey, how are things going with the latest shipment? Good? Great. I just wanted to check on things—"

"I can't stand that guy," Wolfe curled his lip in a sneer, baring a sharp incisor, "he's a pompous prick."

"Wow, that was a big word Wolfesbane," Zero arched an eyebrow, "we should give you a gold star."

"Wow Zero you're a jerkass! We should give you a gold star!" Wolfe spoke in the same fake, sugary-happy voice, "Kiss my ass dude."

Zero laughed as Silver frowned, "What was the point in him s-showing us this?"

"Besides making us question the princess's morale," Ryu hummed thoughtfully, "he's also showing us he's been keeping tabs on the princess, I wouldn't be surprised if this included us as well."

Luigi frowned, "What should-a we do?"

"We will travel to the Aqualands tomorrow," Zero spoke, "I don't think there's any appropriate actions we can take just yet."

"I'm keeping my eyes on him," Wolfe growled, squinting his eyes and pointing to them, "Puppo too and nothing gets past the golden eyes of the Canines!"

Ryu nodded his head and walked away, heading back to the palace. The other suitors muttered amongst each other quietly. As a Shinobi who had dedicated his life to honing both his mental and physical prowess, his intuition was all but screaming at him.

Something with Taurus in general didn't feel kosher. Who the hell kept tabs this closely on a girl anyway? Then a flicker of an approaching aura stole his attention; the scent of prairie grass and the clomping of heavy boots fell beside him. Hmm, it's Wolfesbane.

Intuition didn't fail as he heard, "Ry!"

Wolfe good-naturedly slapped a hand to his shoulder, "How about you show me to do that blind-folded arrow trick?"

"Please don't," Zero laughed, "can you imagine the calamity of blinding Wolfe and letting him shoot? Stars we'd all be dead."

As Wolfe turned around to loudly give Zero a piece of his mind, the Shinobi head still couldn't shake the lingering, unsettling feeling that made him tense. There was just something about the Aqualandian prince that felt nefarious...

---

As deep blues and rich violets leaked into the night sky, I sat in my guestroom, behind my vanity as Wendy placed the final touches on my makeup. Her tongue lolled out as she carefully traced the rim of my lips with a rich red lipstick.

Someone must have clued Bowser into my growing friendship with Parry and Auntie Lina as they had both been specially requested to make me up for my night with Bowser. They were in the palace, drooling over the King's luxurious accommodations. Parry had done my hair, Auntie Lina brought over a beautiful dress as Wendy worked on cosmetics.

"Annnnnd there~!" Wendy pulled away with a smile, "Like, what do you two think?"

"Stunning. Stunn-ing!" Parry chirped happily, "Miss Daisy you truly are a vision of beauty."

I wore a crimson evening dress that gradually faded into a deep black at the hemline. Darklandian dresses were crafted to flatter the natural curves of a woman's body and this one did that nicely. I was meant to stun with matching cherry-lipstick, and smoky dark eyes Wendy had applied masterfully; I looked like a seductress.

I studied my appearance self-consciously; I looked like a girl. Wendy smiled, nodding her approval, "OmiStars, you look amazing! Tongues will wag and men will like drool. Enjoy your night with King Daddy!"

"Joli! vous êtes si jolie! You are so pretty mon chou!" Auntie Lina glowed, clapping her hands together with mirthful glee.

Parry gasped, "Maybe we should send the princess with bodyguards! She is so beautiful and the great King may be...tempted...!"

Wendy and Auntie Lina gasped dramatically, though they were both smiling "Tempted!?"

I blushed, crossing my arms over my chest with a huff, "Parry! Don't be silly. He's not going to try anything!"

"Oooh, but what if he does...?" Parry whispered with a conspiratorial grin, "What if he is quite taken by you?! And finds himself feeling amorous!? What if he drops to his knees and sweet talks you under the moonlight...?"

Parry lurched forward and wrapped his arms around me in a hug, "And what if he wishes to hold you in his arms and never lets you go!?"

"Parry!" I laughed.

I realized the three of them had cornered me in, wicked smiles across the half circle of meddling friends.

"And what if he wants un bisous? A kiss?" Auntie Lina joined in, tickling me.

I exploded into peals of laughter, cheeks glowing red, "H-Hey! Quit it! I hate being tickled!"

"And like, what if King Daddy wants to like, whisper sweet nothings in your ear?" Wendy growled with a wicked grin, her manicured claws tickling my sides.

"G-Guys stop!" I laughed, "I-I can't breathe!"

As I quailed with laughter, being tickle-attacked by my friends, there was a loud wrap on the door. Kammy cleared her throat, "Princess Daisy are you ready?"

"Uh...yeah...I'm done," I breathed.

"Splendid, His Greatness awaits your presence. I shall tell him to expect you shortly."

They piled off of me, grinning like mad.

"Have fun tonight, Sweetheart," Parry hugged me.

"I will."

"Like, have fun!" Wendy cooed.

"Ooh! King Bowser will be pleased! You are a vision!" Auntie Lina laughed, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?"*

I squinted at Auntie Lina before turning and exiting; I don't know what she said but I know it had something to do with Bowser and being naughty. I exited the elevator and peered at the stairwell. There Bowser waited, midnight-black shell polished and aglow like liquid obsidian. He wore sleek silver cufflinks; gone were the spikes; ooh! Someone dolled up for me!

Bowser turned around and our eyes met. He was usually so easy to read, quick to say what was on his mind but at this moment he was stone. Finally there was a crooked smirk and a shot of heat roiled in my stomach like magma. His eyes swept over my frame before we locked stares again.

He grinned, "Gorgeous. Shall we be on our way Princess Sarasaland?"

"But of course King Bowser."

And the second we were out of hearing range, the illusions of informality and political etiquette vanished like a boo touched by the raze of sunlight. Bowser grinned sharply, red eyes flickering in a quick once over, "Flower, holy Stars do you look amazing. Like damn."

I smiled, the warmth of blush heating my face, "Well you look nice too. Your shell has no spikes and no leather collars? Who is this enchanting Koopa?"

He laughed richly, shooting a wild grin my way, "We're gonna have one helluva great night, Purga."

Purga. There goes that word again. Maybe I should ask Kamek or Kammy what it means...

---

The clown copter pulled into descent, landing before a building with high profile clientele. Koopas and Koopettes alike were dressed in luxurious shells and glittering gowns, scrolling towards the building with a haughty air only wealth could provide.

Most disembarked their rides, leaving the valet service to park their expensive vehicles. My stomach churned with nerves as I saw a fleet of paparazzi snapping pictures in annoying bolts of flashes and flooding around the restaurant's patrons. The clown car came to a smooth halt and with habitual ease Bowser hopped out and walked to my side.

He beat the valet to my door and popped it open, "Milady..."

I laughed and fluidly fell into a curtsy, "Thank you my Lord."

He helped me to the floor, aware of my expensive gown and far too knowledgeable of my misadventures in heels. He made sure I had my balance before acquiescing his light hold. He thoughtlessly tossed his keys to the nearby valet and told him, "Don't ruin the sick paintjob, Slick."

Bowser's appearance set the paparazzi into a vicious, blood-thirsty frenzy and within seconds they were crowding around, snapping thousands of bright lights and yelling obnoxious questions. It was so loud I couldn't understand anyone; it was a raucous cacophony of unintelligible screams and shouts.

Bowser held me close as we braved the wild swarm. It wasn't too soon when we approached the restaurant door. A Koopa valet in a sleek black shell bowed before pulling the glass door open, "Welcome King Bowser and Lady Sarasaland to the Le BowZer five star restaurant. Resurrected to celebrate King Bowser's jubilee."

I shot a glare at Bowser, "You have a restaurant named after you?!"

He laughed, raising his hands defensively, "Don't give me that look! I didn't ask people to name something after me. And by the way there are twelve restaurants named after yours truly."

I rolled my eyes as he laughed softly. We entered the Le BowZer which was nothing but opulence and posh décor; beautiful crystal chandeliers sparkling in a kaleidoscope of rainbow colors, plush ebony velvet carpeting and a sophisticated cream-and-black color scheme sparked the final glimmer of elegance.

Being the illustrious king, Bowser always had a special table reserved for him and him alone. This came in handy as we were immediately seated. The restaurant manager and head chef came by the table to personally greet him and shake his hand. As they left, I chuckled, "Sometimes I forget you're a powerful, ruling king and not just my friend."

"Time and time again, I've told you how I'm a studmuffin," Bowser grinned, "you're just finally getting it now."

The waiter appeared, "May I take your order?"

"Hell ye—ahem, sure. I'd like twelve plates of the Firelandian seared steak and a bottle of your finest wine."

"Ah! The Dom Parakoopa Pérignon is exquisite sire! It's smooth, silky texture is absolutely divine. And for you my lady?"

"I'll take the succulent shrimp scampi please," I looked up from the menu and beamed, "And I'll have the sparkling green apple cider."

The waiter bowed before scuttling off. Bowser reclined comfortably, "So what do you think of the digs? Pretty snazzy huh?"

This place overflowed with elegance and was saturated with prestige and wealth. Dom Parakoopa Pérignon, though absolutely delicious, was a whopping eighty grand per bottle and the prices on the menu made my eyes pop.

I've double-dated with Lulu, Mario and Peach at regular eateries enough to know reasonable pricing. I don't know how much Bowser was planning on shelling out tonight but it was uncomfortable. Though the restaurant was beautiful and spoke of flourishing extravagance ...

It was completely un-Bowserly.

"It's nice..." I answered slowly.

He bobbed his head, tapping his fingers against the table in a tuneless cadence. When he took me to see Ludwig's concert, that seemed completely out of his character but this...felt unnatural. Every now and then he would tug at the collar of his expensive shell I'd bet money he'd never worn more than twice.

And as far as I knew, he hated ritzy upscale events and the façade of perfectionism and wealth that came attached. Bowser was a straight forward Koopa; what you saw was what you get; he was blunt, selfish, vain and let you know exactly what he thought of you, political correctness be damned.

This Bowser sitting before me was almost painfully too self-conscious. He was completely aware of my every move I made and seemed to adjust accordingly. A waiter stopped by with our beverages, gently rested them on our table before bowing and swiftly departing. I took a sip of my drink and cooed; green apple sparkling cider was the perfect combination of being sweet and tart. The price tag of ten grand per bottle made me burn with guilt.

Again Bowser's behavior struck me as odd; he only began to consume his drink once I started on my own beverage. And when he thought I was looking at him, he actually drank with his pinkie raised. That nearly made me choke.

The climax of the strange behavior came to a brilliant crash. Something I thought would never happened did; the awkward stretch of silence snuck up on our table and hit with all the force of a friggin' typhoon.

What the hell was going on here!? Bowser was a Koopa who never shut the hell up and yet here he was not saying a damn thing! His silence made me feel shy and I continued to sip my drink, looking anywhere but at him.

Every now and then Bowser traced the rim of his glass; it seemed like a nervous gesture, "You're...quiet tonight," he mused softly, "Is...Is everything to your liking?"

I blinked, meeting his diffident stare, "Huh? Oh yeah! Y-Yeah! Everything's fine! Ha...ha..."

No it wasn't and judging by his grimace he knew it wasn't either. He cleared his throat, opened his mouth to speak but then...

Awkwardly said nothing.

Oh my Stars this was terrible. What was going on?! He was nervous and acting completely weird which in turn was making me feel self-conscious and timorous. Dinner was served and it looked absolutely delicious. I munched on my seafood and the second Bowser picked up a fork and a knife to eat civilly I knew something was up. The Koopa inhaled food like a vacuum cleaner, why start with manners now?!

My irritated sigh grabbed his attention, "Bowser...What the hell?"

"Huh?" he blinked cluelessly, "What?"

"This," I gestured to his fork, "You're eating with a fork, taking me to a crazily expensive restaurant, you're...Well I honestly don't know what you're doing but it's completely out of character."

Whenever Bowser was called out on his actions, his response was to throw a raging, petulant tantrum. But instead he ground his jaw, like a Koopa who was actively trying to reign his anger.

"Well maybe Flower I just want to impress you," he growled, "Maybe I don't want you to just see me as some kind of lowbrow idiot..."

"When have I ever thought of you like that?" I asked with an honest raze of irritation.

"I want to show you that...I..." His face burned red, "your other suitors did things to prove themselves so why can't I?! I can be chivalrous and nice! A-And I can take you to nice places and t-treat you like a Darklandian queen!"

I froze, peering at him as he bored into me with an intent glare. So he wanted to prove his mettle as a gentlekoopa, as someone who could provide life's luxuries.

"Bowser," I reached over the table and touched his palm. I was surprised at how quickly he began stroking my hand, "I already know you're a great gu—er, Koopa."

A slow, curving smile appeared on his face, "So you don't think I'm a barbaric tool?"

I laughed, "Not most of the time anyways. Bowser I like who you are! I like your humor, it's raw, wild and funny! And...And I like your bold personality, there's just something about you that's dangerously charismatic! And I like the way you look."

I like the way you look. Wow. Where did that come from? That was NOT supposed to come out of my mouth. I didn't miss the obvious surprise dawn on his face as he stared with unhidden stupor. If the silence was awkward-town before, it was now renovated to awkward-city.

"Does that mean y-you...you find me attractive?" He asked quietly, with unusual vulnerability.

There was no teasing grin or a mischievous smile wrought with glittering fangs. He was honestly asking if I was attracted to him. In my head, I flipped the hell out. But on the outside?

My face burned hotter than the surface of the sun, and when I'm nervous I not only ramble, but laugh like a fool, "Do I think...? Wahaha! What do I think...? Ha...I never thought...Huh? I don't...Oh Stars..."

He played with his food despondently, using his large silver fork to swirl buttery mashed potatoes into thick unappetizing clumps, "It's alright...You don't have to lie to make me feel better..."

Why, I think I actually, genuinely hurt his feelings.

...

Ohhhhh shit cupcakes...

Who knew? Who knew the massive, beefcakey, spike-clad tyrant had delicate, sensitive feelings I could thoughtlessly trounce on? His eyes were obscure as he stabbed thoughtlessly—and maybe even a teensy bit angrily—at his appetizing steak.

I swallowed, "Bowser...You look fine."

"Yeah?" He sighed dejectedly, not bothering to look at me, "How?"

I had him by a hair-thin, fragile thread that was precariously close to snapping each passing second I lingered.

"Your..." I looked him over, "Your eyes. They're this shade of red that reminds me of fire. And they're really beautiful."

His head shot up so fast, "Huh...?"

My face burned, "I-I-I-I s-said your eyes remind me...of f-fire!"

As I swirled my beverage nervously, Bowser scrutinized me intensely.

"Y-Yeah, like fire..." I whispered, cheeks hot.

"And...?" he pressed.

"And your...biceps? What? Do you lift cars for a workout? You're friggin' jacked."

"..." He hesitated, peering up at me with all the ferociousness of a bad puppy, "Do you...y'know, like 'jacked' guys?"

Mmmmhmm. Freakin' Stars yes.

"Yeah, they're okay. Also your smile is infectious, and I mean your true smile and not the 'I'm gonna kill you' one."

"And...?" I realized he was slowly starting to smile.

"And your face is...uh...symmetric?" Lame, I know but if it puffed up his ego then I did my job.

"Heh," he chuckled faintly, "My sexy jaw line is so damn rugged it'd cut stone."

I laughed, "See? Now can we please move past this awkwardness!? I like us like this, laughing and silly. I mean you're wearing a bowtie! And I'm wearing a really overdone dress I couldn't care for."

"Alright fine." Though he rolled his eyes with feigned effort, he was finally smirking. Bowser untied his fancy-smancy tie and let it hang loosely. He kicked back, resting both elbows on the back of his chair, "I think you look stunning even if you do hate dresses."

"Thanks," I smiled, "By the way Bowser?"

"Yeah?" he was starting to viciously rip into a steak.

"There's something I never thought of..."

"What is it?" In three massive chomps he devoured the steak and was hungrily eying the next.

I peered at him, "How old are you?"

He choked and immediately had a fit of coughs. He pounded his fist against his torso until his expectoration stopped. Bowser was glowing red as his expression contorted, "What made you...think of that?"

I grinned, shrugging a single shoulder, "I've always been curious..."

He scratched his scalp with a grimace, "It's...a difficult question to answer."

Amused, my brows rose to my hairline, "What's so difficult about age?"

He scratched more vigorously at his head, eyes nearly squinted closed, "Look...This is another one of those things that would weird you out."

"Bowser..." I sighed exasperatedly.

"Ask something less personal," he groaned.

I took that as; I need to stall until I come up with a good answer. While he massaged his temples in soothing circles, I peered at the odd shimmer of his scales. I always thought it was strange how smooth and elegant they were; Koopas were beastly, primal creatures, they weren't supposed to have pretty scales. The subtle milky sheen and pastel color were reminiscent of a conch's creamy shell.

"Your scales," I slowly reached over the table and smoothed my thumb over his arm. The golden scales had a pearly gloss that glowed softly under the chandelier lighting, "...anything weird about them?"

I didn't think about it as I softly rubbed his bicep, admiring the smooth texture. A slow smile curved on his lips, and being the egomaniac he was, Bowser flexed, "Nothing really except molting."

I blinked, "You shed?!"

"Koopas molt but yeah," he smirked, "Our scales molt during the warmer seasons and bulk up heavier in winter."

"When you she—molt, can I keep a scale?"

He laughed, "You want one!? Sure I guess. I'm surprised it's not weirding you out."

I shrugged, "Bowser lots of anim—uh beasts—erm, I mean...lots of creatures molt. Piranha plants molt their petals and even Fire flowers. Firefly molted his petals last month and now he shines like a star."

"My scales do always hold a shine better after a seasonal molt," Bowser mused, scratching his chin.

I cleared my throat, "Soooo...you gonna tell me your age now?"

As he slapped his face into his palm, I tittered with laughter, "Oh Stars...L-Look it's weird to explain Flower..."

"Weirder than molting pretty scales?" I smiled puckishly.

"My scales are not pretty. They protect my hide," he growled, "and yes it's 'weirder'."

"Bowser, I'm pretty sure humans do things you'd consider weird too."

He squinted his eyes, "What is the point of wearing gloves? Now that's weird."

"Heat, protection...There's plenty of reasons," I smiled.

"You wear gloves for heat? If you were cold I could have warmed you—"

"Princesses wear gloves for modesty."

Bowser guffawed, "Are you kiddin' me!? Modesty!? What? Do human guys get hot seeing your pretty little fingers!? Would Greenstache and Wolfe get a little 'hot unda tha colla' if you 'flashed' them!?"

I glowered, "Your age. Now."

That killed his mirth ruthlessly. He sighed, "Look...Koopas and humans age differently..."

"Okay...? So how old are you?" I giggled immaturely, "Am I having dinner with a grandpa Koopa?"

"No! I'm not a grandpa!" He roared viciously, slamming his fists against the table. I swear his eyes glowed completely red.

"Whooooa!" I grinned, "I didn't think I touched so deep a nerve..."

"If I tell you," he was speaking through his teeth, "Will you just accept things?!"

"Sure..."

"Koopas age differently than humans, like I said before," his voice grew soft, "We have a longer life longevity..."

I peered at him curiously, "Bowser how old are you?"

"And," he harrumphed, cutting a sharp look at me, "if I was to compare my age in human years, it would...sound better. It wouldn't seem like..." He swallowed thickly, averting his gaze, "...like I'm some old coot tryin' to perv out on a young girl..."

Old coot? Did he really refer to himself as an 'old coot!?'

And then?

And then I laughed my ass off, that's what. I know it was a vulnerable moment for him but really? Did he have to say old coot!? He clearly did not look anything even near old. He was strong, tall and probably at the prime of his strength.

Tears rimmed my eyes as my lungs burned from the exertion of my obnoxious laughter. My amusement triggered Bowser's ire; he ground his jaw, face blazing red as he shook with the flame of fury and palpable embarrassment.

"F-Fine! Just k-keep on laughin'!" He roared, turning more than a few heads in the establishment, "I'm not gonna tell you anything anymore!"

"Okay! Okay!" I breathed, trying to settle my hysterics, "I swear I won't laugh again..."

He glared, arms locked into a staid cross, "I'm not telling you anything since you think it's so damn funny."

"Please?" I grinned.

"No..." He sounded far less upset.

So I entreated again, "Pleeeeease?"

His eyes flickered, "Well, maybe if you beg again...in Sarasalandian..."

"Per favorre mi Golgo?"

A grin stretched across his face, "Maybe I can forgive you just this once..."

I chuckled, "I'll never understand why you love hearing me speak Sarasalandian..."

"Truthfully?" a devilish grin curved on his lips, "Your voice takes on this airy, soft lilt. It's really sexy."

My jaw dropped as he smirked puckishly. Before I could reply, he started up again, "So as I was saying. We age differently. Once physical maturation is achieved, we won't look older...Until extreme old age."

"So the Firelands elders—?"

Bowser laughed, "—Are ancient, moldy scale sacks. They've probably been around before your great, great grandfathers."

I tried to do a rough estimate; each generation give or take was twenty years. Grammy was born in the thirties, her father was born maybe at the turn of the century and his father at the end of the century. You're telling me these Koopas been around since the 19th century?!

I peered at Bowser, "Okay so I can't ask how old you are, but do you know what your age would be, or the human equivalent in years?"

Bowser paused, before a slow smile crawled across his face," In human years I'd be around your age."

I blinked, "Twenty three? Twenty four?"

"Twenty eight, give or take a year," He smirked, carefully judging my reaction.

He was older? Well I guess that makes sense. But now I really do want to know his true age. He said Koopas age slower and have a longer life span. Does one Koopa year equal several human years?

"So that didn't...bother you?" He asked unsurely.

"We're different species," I spoke with no infection, "Why would humans and Koopas age the same? One human year is nine for Blitties and seven for dogs..."

I smiled, "Bowser, nothing about you can run me off. Got it? I've accepted you for who you are."

He half grinned, "Well, if you really mean that..."

"I do," I patted his hand, "Now if you excuse me, I'll be back in a sec. I'm going to 'powder my nose' or whatever girls say when they gotta tinkle."

Bowser blinked before laughing and shaking his head.

---

I looked in the mirror, palms covered in a froth of soapy bubbles as I hummed tunelessly. I froze the moment a Koopette entered the ladies' room. Our eyes locked. The bewitching coalescence of beauty and poise made me think of a queen or an empress.

She was dressed in a beautiful fuchsia evening gown, provocatively sheer to give the illusion of being see-through. Her midnight-blue tresses were besprinkled with twinkling precious jewels. Her beautiful crystalline eyes glowed, slanted in a beguiling, feline quality. Where my charm was childish and innocent, her beauty was mature and dripping with sex.

She was one of those Koopettes blessed with striking beauty, the kind of elegance and winsomeness that knocked the wind out of your being. Even the most confident of women took a fatal blow to their confidence when she was near.

This was the divine ex-queen of the Darklands, she was tall, curvaceous in all the right places and positively sensual. When she and Bowser split, he had to wonder if he'd ever find a more beautiful, alluring creature.

"I was hoping I could speak to you for a moment," the voice of a siren.

I turned to face her. Any time a woman wanted to meet with another in a bathroom, my experience taught me violence or at least the exchange of rather nasty words was to ensue.

"What are you doing here?" I pondered aloud.

Clawdia chuckled smoothly, resting her hands on her voluptuous hips, "I am celebrating my dear sister's birthday. This happens to be her favorite restaurant."

"Which is coincidentally named after your ex-husband?" I asked innocently.

Oh? What was that? Did I really just go there!? Hell yeah I did. Clawdia laughed without true humor, "It's quite hard to eschew King Bowser's affluence in the Darklands don't you think?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and spoke in my most astringent voice, "Well you have my attention. What do you want to speak about Clawdia?"

I got the vibe that Clawdia—though vainglorious and superficial—had a keen, calculative mind. Any woman who was able to inspire the darkest depths of Bowser's hatred had to be twice as malicious as he.

"You've been spending a lot of time with his highness," Clawdia titled her head as the gems in her cerulean tresses glinted in a sprinkle of rainbow brilliance, "I suppose you mean a great deal to him."

"Not to be blunt but what's your point?" I deadpanned.

"My point is: if your relationship progresses, then the blood feud between Bowser and I will become an issue pertaining to you as well."

I fell silent, unsure of how to reply. She arched an alluring eyebrow, "Surely you've thought of this? While Bowser may hail you as his new queen, I am still their mother."

I arched an eyebrow; hailed as his new queen? Whoa, Koopette. Bowser does NOT see me as his new queen!

"I can't and—won't—speculate on a relationship that isn't my own," I replied.

A quirk of rose-red lips, "Interesting…"

"However, the Koopalings claim they don't even know you," I frowned, "How can you boast being their mother when they haven't seen you in years? Junior's never seen your face. To his knowledge you don't exist."

Clawdia's eyes averted, "You don't seem to understand how...difficult Bowser is to deal with. I'm afraid he brings out the worst in me."

"Actually I do," I laughed, "He's pigheaded, egocentric and insufferable."

Her head snapped in my direction, a skeptical eyebrow arched, "And yet you still stay on his arm and warm his sheets at night? Hmph. And here I thought you were somewhat respectable."

Was...Was she implying I'm a skank!?Excuse me, but she's the one here wearing a sheer dress that would make everyone think we could see through her dress! And I'M the skank!?

I slammed my hand against the counter in a resounding bang, "I'm not sleeping with him, nor am I that kind of girl!" I growled in the back of my throat, "Bowser is flawed but his good qualities far outweigh his shortcomings. He's sweet, doting and one of the most generous men—Koopas I've ever met. His chivalry puts most human males to shame. He's generous and only hopes for my friendship."

Clawdia laughed dryly, "What type of fool do you take me for? You honestly expect me to believe that? The day I left, my ex-husband worked his way through an entire slew of royal women." She snorted with elegant derision, "Harlots more like it. His…exploits are heralded around this kingdom like an achievement. It's quite disgusting really."

I chewed the inside of my cheek; who didn't know about that? After their vicious, public divorce, Bowser worked his way through the Darkland's A-list of affluent models and actresses with a legendary tenacity you either admired or abhorred.

I scoffed, "He hasn't slept with me because I'm not a skank. I've also heard you were unfaithful in your marriage."

Clawdia laughed, "Old news but yes I was a bit…playful. Not that it's any of your concern."

"I'm just saying sister, don't throw bricks if you live in a glass house."

She grinned, "Odd proverb but very fitting I suppose. And since you're charitable enough to offer advice then so shall I. If you have a semi-decent brain—which I suspect as true—you'd realize you're nothing but the next conquest princess, another notch in his belt, another good story he can tell his buddies about. It escapes me if he's bedded a human girl yet. Some enfeebled blonde in pink maybe."

And now she was talking about my cousin, who was one of the most virtuous, ladylike women in the universe.

"Peach? No. You make a lot of untrue claims. I'm not disregarding what you say but that doesn't apply to me. I honestly think he views us differently. He treats me with respect almost borderline worship to be honest…"

At my blunt speech, Clawdia was noticeably affronted as her entire form went rigid and I realized my mistake, "Uh…sorry, I didn't mean how that came out. I really meant…"

She laughed, "Perhaps you didn't mean how it sounded but the truth is still blaringly obvious. I was employed as a breeding mare and you are worthy of being his queen."

I bit my lip as she fell silent, eyes blank. I looked at her, "I don't know why I'm telling you this…but I don't think you're the evil ex-wife everyone seems to portray you as."

Clawdia blinked, surprise glowing on her pretty face, "Bowser is a great guy and maybe you weren't gifted with the opportunity to see him in that light in your marriage. I understand that, but the Bowser of today is...amazing."

"Perhaps. Maybe time has changed him into a better Koopa and I must admit, you're not quite as pathetic as I had hoped," a smirk smoothed across her face, "You've got a spine. It's always easier to hate an empty-headed, clingy woman. Unfortunately you seem to have your head screwed on straight."

I laughed, "Uh thanks?"

"I can see why he likes you," Clawdia's eyes scrolled over my frame studiously, without the steel edge of criticism, "Perhaps in some alternate universe where my ex wasn't chasing you down like a Chow in heat, we would have been friends."

I smirked and crossed my arms, "Well right back at you. Perhaps in some alternate universe where you cared for your children, we would have been friends."

She chuckled, "No, if I did I'd still be married to Bowser. I could try to kill him every night but as long as I was willing to love his children, he'd put up with a wrecked marriage."

"You took advantage of him," My eyes tightened.

"I suppose I did," she said airily, checking her reflection in the mirror, then her jewel-blue eyes shifted in my direction, "Just remember one thing Princess. In a fight, if the woman is worth her salt, she always wins in the end."

I blinked, "…I don't think I understand…?"

A slow, obscure smile curved on her maroon lips, "There's a reason why Bowser Junior is the heir to the throne and it's not just because he's the king's favorite child. Delve deeper into that issue and you will learn very fast how the woman always wins. My children are mine, yes but are they all his...? Hmph, who knows?"

She turned and slinked towards the exit with an alluring sashay of her hips. Then she halted in the middle of her stride, as if something came to mind suddenly, "By the way princess…from one girl to another; when a man offers a woman everything the world has; he wants far more than your friendship. Marinade on that thought a bit."

The door shut behind her gently as the last wafts of her rose perfume disappeared. What did that all mean? Offering the world? Is she suggesting that Bowser has ulterior motives? And what about Bowser Junior on the throne? Why not Ludwig? He's the oldest…

---

My plate had been scraped clean and Bowser happily picked his fangs with a toothpick the size of a fork. When we stepped out front, the valet had the clown copter awaiting us. The angry rankle of paparazzi had disappeared entirely and for now it was just us alone.

Bowser opened my door, bowed and spoke with a silly voice, "In we go milady~!"

I laughed, "Stars! Is there a time when you're never a—oh!"

I stumbled over my non-existent heels and nearly face-planted. Bowser smoothly swept me into his arms, almost as if he anticipated my klutzy move. He bellowed with laughter as I peered up at him, cheeks dark red, "Heh,whoops..."

"Always gonna be a clumsy little fool huh?" He breathed softly.

I peered up at him with an annoying veil of bangs shading my left eye. Before I could flick my red fringe out of my face, Bowser spoke in a thick purr, "Leave it."

"Huh?"

"You...look real pretty like that," he whispered in a growl.

I swallowed thickly and probably nosily too. The friendly, chummy atmosphere had silkily warmed up into smoldering stares and boiling temperatures. He was staring intensely and his eyes kept flickering indecisively between my mouth and eyes.

"Flower..." He breathed. His thick claws gently grasped my shoulder, softly kneading my skin before lifting to my clavicle and continuing with an unhurriedly ease to my neck. I shivered under the feathery ghost of his touch, temperature blazing.

His eyes were halfway closed as he spoke in a deep whisper, "I'm going to kiss you...and not in that friendly, platonic way either. It's going to be a real kiss."

My face burned with heat, eyes doubling in size as I studied his fervid expression. It was tender yet his eyes were ablaze with the terrific meld of overlapping reds and oranges of fire; his passion made his irises seem like they glowed ethereally. Stars, he's never looked at me like that...

The weight of such a burning stare made me nervous and happy and uncomfortable at the same time. Here I just tripped stupidly over my own two feet and yet he could still give such a look filled with heat and fire and...

And...

He placed a large hand on the small of my back and delicately swept me flush against his ribbed plastron. My head was still spinning, heart throbbing as he bent over and sweetly brushed his lips against mine.

A rush of warmth exploded from my core and blazed deliciously up my spine. His rumbling purrs of pleasure tickled as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. He gently released his hold as I stepped back, face hot, eyes round and heart jack hammering.

"Please tell me I wasn't the only one who felt that electricity..." Bowser whispered.

"You...You weren't the only one..." I whispered, biting my lip.

Instead of a sly, self-indulgent grin, his expression softened, "Well, since this is a celebration of my culture," Bowser whispered, "Wanna...try a Koopa hug?"

I swallowed thickly; I wasn't quite sure if I could handle a second passionate kiss like that again, a hug sounded safe and far less troubling; I wasn't supposed to want to kiss my best friend again. And I wasn't supposed to want my best friend to stare at me with toe-curling warmth, "Sure? What do you do?"

He laughed, leaning down and touched his forehead against mine. He purred, gently nosing and nuzzling his snout against my nose. I laughed as a smile grew across his maw, "That's a Koopa hug? I think it's cute."

Then a flicker of mischief blazed in his eyes and the next thing I knew, he licked the side of my face, even grazing my hairline. He bellowed with laughter as I spluttered, blush burning hotly against my skin. I squawked loudly, "What the hell!? W-What was that for?!"

"Koopa kiss," he smirked, "Now come on we got dessert waiting at home. I ordered chocolate cake from that one place you like."

I laughed at the vague statement, "'That one place you like' wow, I totally know exactly what you're talking about."

"You know, it's that cutesy dessert shop that cute lil' Koopette owns. The one I've been trying to hook up with one of my knuckleheaded sons."

Realization hit me, "Koopie! You ordered a cake from Koopie's Sweeties?! That means it's going to be amazing! Then let's hurry up! I want some delicious cake!"

With a deep chuckle, Bowser gently picked me up and helped me into the car. When I tried to take my seat, Bowser held onto my palm and I shot a questioning glance his way. He grinned crookedly and kissed my hand. I laughed aloud when he blew a raspberry against my arm.

"Bowser you're so stupid!"I laughed, "Whatever you do...don't ever change."

His expression softened as he squeezed my hand, "I won't if you won't Purga."

"What does that word mean—?"

"Well! In the clown copter I go!"

He hopped into the pilot's seat and fired up the engine. The roar of propellers blazed to life in a thunderous, animalistic growl and standing at the main entrance of the Le BowZer was Clawdia Koopa of all people. We took to the sky and even as we left, her stare was boring intently into the copter.

Her stunned expression told me she had seen the whole scene.

---

"Bowser! No...I can't!"

"Sweets for the sweet," he laughed, "Come ooooon, just one little nibble?"

One last tantalizing slice of chocolate cream cake remained, teasing with its moist double-tier cake and thick, buttery frosting glace. Bowser was on a mission to feed me the final slice. We ate dessert in his room, partially because it was late and we could be as loud as we liked but most importantly Bowser didn't want his 'precious children' to ruin our 'alone time.'

He edged the cake near my face as I laughed, shaking my head, "Ugh, Bowser I can't eat anymore!"

"Just one last bite?" he smirked.

I grinned, "How about I feed it to you?"

A wild grin stretched across his face, "Lemme think about that: a desert babe feeding me delicious cake...? I'm going to have to give that one a roaring hell yeah."

I took the cake and watched the way his eyes glowed happily. He even bent forward, licking his lips. Just when his face was inches from mine...I slapped the cake against his mouth, messily smearing frosting all over his mouth and the tips of my fingers.

"Eat...that!" I roared, half-way laughing.

I squealed with laughter, taking in his unguarded stupor before taking off and racing to get away. I didn't need a psychic or Lazinne's fortunetelling to know he would be coming after me. There was loud clamor and then he was chasing me.

I shrieked buoyantly, laughing largely as a gigantic hand missed me by inches. I raced from his room and slammed the door shut. I screamed, laughing wildly when Bowser barreled through the door like a gigantic linebacker. He looked around furiously until I fell into his sight. An insane grin crossed his face as he scrubbed the last of the chocolate off his face.

"Oh, when I get my hands on you, you little troublemaker..."

And the chase resumed.

"Here comes the biiiig baaaaad Koopa!" he roared menacingly.

I should have taken into account that I was attired in a beautiful full-length evening gown that cost thousands of coins, but that was the last thing I considered. No fancy dress was going to stop me from putting down tracks. I kicked off my heels and began to run bare-foot.

The dress was too tight and as I continued to sprint, the snug fabric of my beautiful evening gown ripped up my left ribs. I laughed, slamming another stone door shut as Bowser plowed through seconds later with resolute determination and a predatory glow in his eyes. He surprised me by spin-dashing, making up lost ground.

As I darted around a corner, his meaty hand caught my waist and halted my escape. I squealed, laughing as he cornered me in. We both panted, large grins on our faces as our hearts thumped wildly. We peered into each other's eyes.

"Gotcha," Bowser growled darkly; a wicked smile lifted half of his mouth higher in a dangerous lopsided grin.

I half-laughed; my hair had frizzed up and was probably wild, messy and everywhere in a crazy tangle of crimson curls. Bowser's eyes still blazed wildly from the thrill of chase as he panted.

He chuckled, "Tsk, look at this, you ripped your dress you tomboyish girl. Never did care about how you look, even if you're painfully stunning."

I peered at my side and indeed there was an awkward rip along the expanse of my left rib. My cheeks flushed and immediately I tried to cover it but Bowser gently nudged my fingers away. He ran a single claw along the breadth of exposed bronze skin, exciting a tingling sensation. We locked stares and I gulped thickly at the unexpectedly melting expression.

We locked eyes as a smoky concentration of hope, admiration and warmth swirled in his crimson eyes like fog. He spoke in a deep whisper, "Can I...kiss you?"

My cheeks flushed as I nodded my head, "Okay..."

"Tilt your head to the left, Baby doll," he whispered.

"L-Like this?" I replied back just as softly, blush burning hotter.

He nodded. Bowser drew forward slowly, almost as if unsure. He softly touched my face, gently running a large thumb over my cheek. It was with a painstaking sweetness that our lips touched. It felt like my heart stopped, a smoldering burn of liquid fire spread intravenously, flooding my entire body with wondrous honey and melting chocolate.

He kissed me, capturing my breath and stealing my senses. My mind blanked, and strangely I didn't want to stop. My eyes snapped open when he suddenly froze, "Bow...ser?"

I drew away, completely flustered, as I peered into the inky, purple irises of my best friend. Wait, purple? Bowser panted, brows furrowed with strain as beads of sweat glittered on his temple. It was strange, but he felt hot, like a burning furnace, exuding so much heat.

Those eerily dark, nearly violet eyes flickered with conflict. He suddenly let go and backed away, even stumbling over himself and knocking over a towering statue. He grimaced, as thousands of emotions flashed in his dark amethyst eyes wildly.

"Bow...ser?" I tried to reach for him.

But he staggered away from me, still clutching his jaw as if he had a smarting toothache. He hit a gong in the hallway and immediately a dry bone's servant appeared, "Your Evilness?"

"S-See t-the princess to her chambers," Bowser grunted with audible strain. He turned, hastily disappearing into his room, staggering through the broken door with resolution.

"Bowser..." I whispered, concern fluttering in my stomach; what was...was everything okay? He had been sweltering hot.

The Dry bones padded to my side, "Come along princess Sarasaland, it is quite late."

I followed after the servant, peering after where Bowser had been seconds prior. My head was spinning as gobs of conflicting emotions and thoughts battled for dominion. I had just thoughtlessly kissed my best friend. And it had been...

Fun.

I walked back to my room, the glow of the silver doors soft against the candle lights. I was busy trying to make sense of everything that had just happened as I paused, realizing Taurus was hovering by my silver doors. He held a paper in hand.

"Prince Taurus?" I whispered uncertainly; my lasers were set on stun and with the wrong move they'd be on kill.

He froze, before smoothly turning around, "Oh...Princess Sarasaland..."

I squinted at him unsurely, "What...are you doing here?"

Taurus slipped closer and with each step he took closer, gooseflesh broke out on my arms and the warning sirens went off in my head; there was just something about him that made me feel uneasy. Maybe it was the easy, arrogant saunter or how there was something serpentine and cold about his silvery eyes. Maybe it was because of his overt narcissism, I mean I friggin' get it; you're cute, big whoop.

Taurus was an attractive guy with very little dispute. Ryu was just as attractive, almost as if the inverse to his fair features; where the Aqualandian prince was fair with glittering silver eyes, a smooth apricot complexion and wheat-golden hair, Ryu was tan, sun-kissed with wild ebony locks and the darkest, deepest blue eyes I'd seen. Only Ryu wasn't stuck on himself nor did he turn up his nose at everyone else.

Taurus stopped when he was several feet away and under the candlelight his irises seemed white, "I asked a servant to find your quarters, I hope that didn't seem invasive at all..."

"Depends on the reason you wanted to know where I stay," I replied.

He chuckled softly, running a hand through perfectly tussled locks, "Well...I hoped to have been gone before your return but, here. Look at it if you will..."

I took the slip of paper, using extra care to avoid touching his hand. I unfolded the slip and stared. Not only did I stare but I gaped and flashed a quick dubious look at Taurus who smiled crookedly.

It was...a love poem...Just like the first one...

My hands shook, trembling as I stared at the note with disbelief; i-it couldn't have been him...But...he's the only one...

"Y-You...?" I croaked weakly, "Y-You were the one who wrote the love notes...?"

"I don't express myself well under pressure," he laughed softly, "But I thought you would like it."

"I..." I swallowed thickly, "Thank you..."

His expression lightened as he laughed jovially, "What is this? Finally being kind to me are you? And here I thought I liked it better when I saw the rose's thorns. So this is what it's like to have the princess's favor. Your warm smile is absolutely breathtaking."

I smirked, "Don't get used to it. I'm not going to suddenly become your best friend but I guess I'll...try to be cordial."

"That's a pretty good start," Taurus took my hand, planted a soft kiss against my knuckles and for once I didn't pull away, "Sweet dream Princess."

"Uh Prince Taurus?"

He turned and looked at me over his shoulder. I smiled, "Please, call me...Daisy."

His expression lightened, "Alright then. Good night Daisy."

I entered my bedroom, staring vacuously at the love note. Why didn't this make me feel happy? I finally found out who had been writing my poems but...this didn't make me feel elated like I thought. I rummaged through my suitcase and picked up the first love letter and compared the two; the handwriting was completely different...As if written by two different people, but then again Taurus did seem like he was in a hurry...But...

I sighed deeply. This whole day was overwhelming and now on top of all the new feelings and misunderstandings between Bowser and I; this is the cherry on top of the WTF sundae. Taurus had wrote the love notes. The conceited, arrogant prince. Maybe he wasn't...so bad...

---

There was obnoxious pounding against Kamelia Koopa's door at an ungodly hour. She nearly jumped out of her skin in panic. She squinted angrily, wondering who could be so rude as to disturb her so late. She felt around her dresser blindly and once found, she carefully put on her spectacles and read it was an alarming three-seventeen am.

With a slight growl, she grabbed her wand and spoke, "Who is it?"

"Hag, it's me."

No one else's voice had the growling bass like the king. Kammy hopped out of bed and almost stumbled over the hem of her nightgown in her haste. With a flick of her wrist the doors to her bedchambers rolled open.

Bowser, who had been pacing, entered immediately.

"My lord what's the—?"

She saw the deep violet eyes and could easily scent the pheromones of her king's arousal.

"Kammy," he whispered, violet eyes probing, "I...I need you...If...If you could..."

Kammy's heart nearly stopped its palpations; w-what is he asking me to do!?

She dropped her scepter as her glasses nearly slipped off her face. "L-Lord Bowser!?" She gasped, "I-I've raised you from childhood! I gave my word to serve my king as best as I can but a 'late night tryst'?! I simply cannot, and will not—"

Bowser's eyes instantly flew open as he whispered, "Wait...You thought I came here wanting some...late night nookie!?"

There was silence and then...

"OH MY FRIGGIN' STARS KOOPETTE!"

Bowser nearly choked in disgust as he backed away, arms flailing, and his face even tinged blue, "O-OH MY STARS KAMELIA! W-WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT!?"

"W-What am I supposed to think!?" she wheezed, face blooming with color, "Y-You...!"

A roil of putrid disgust nearly destroyed every ounce of raging desire he had. And against his better judgment, he gave his advisor a skeptical once-over. Kammy—whose hair was held in a grandmotherly bonnet—was garbed in the most matronly, unflattering nightgown with an ugly puke-green floral print.

Bowser scrunched his face in a mixture of disgust and curiosity. And she thought I'd try to creep into her chambers at midnight and wanna smash that?!

...

Bowser roared with thundering laughter, to the point tears pricked his eyes as he clutched his stomach. He looked at Kammy again and guffawed with renewed vigor. Kammy's cheeks grew red with shame as her king howled at the absurdity of such an idea.

Don't get him wrong, it wasn't because of age; there had been several older women Bowser found attractive—Clawdia's mother was smokin', Dog-boy's mom was pretty sexy in a wild cavewoman kind of way and in some twisted, demented part of his mind he thought Flower's mom had first-class tickets to the MILF train. Props to Emp. Sakuro for gettin' summa that.

And though the nightgown and rollers didn't help, he could totally get it on with Flower if she had rollers in her hair. Hell, he actually kind of found it kinky in an erotic kind of way.

But with Kammy? Kamelia Koopa?!

Bowser doubled-over, clutching his stomach as he bellowed with laughter. He even grew short of breath from such vigorous laughter. Offended, Kammy threw on a shapeless robe and snapped, "What do you expect?! You came in here reeking of pheromones, dark lusting eyes and you show up at my door at three in the morning!?"

With one last spirited laugh, Bowser wiped the tears from his eyes, "Ah, that laugh did make me feel better. Anyways..."

He sighed deeply, "I think I screwed up with Flower..."

Kammy's anger liquidly shifted into concern, "Have a seat and I'll conjure up some tea."

With a flick of her wand, two steaming saucers appeared on the table. Bowser stared into the fragrant vapors hollowly as he nearly crushed one of Kammy's chairs under his great weight.

"So what happened sire?"

He sighed, resting his head in his palm, "Long story short, I kissed Flower and I don't know what it is about her, but she drive my senses haywire. I totally wanted to...heh you know..."

"You know? 'You know' what?" Kammy furrowed her brow ridges.

Bowser arched an eyebrow pointedly and Kammy quickly caught on. She nearly spat up her tea, "W-W-What?! Oh my blinking Stars King Bowser! What have you done?! I've raised you to be a gentleKoopa! You didn't...?"

He grinned wryly, "'Go all the way'? No. But I wanted to. The annoying Koopa instincts kicked in and nearly drove me insane."

He lifted his gums and sure enough his front two incisors had elongated with his gums starting to bruise from the strain; the darkened irises and elongated incisors were all antecedent signals of Koopa mating. Kammy looked nervous, "So just to be sure...you didn't...?"

"Mate? No," he chuckled dryly. He nudged at the tiny tea cup despondently, "She's nowhere near ready for that. It's just hard to have restraint around a pretty girl. A really pretty, innocent girl. A really pretty innocent girl with loooong legs. A really pretty, innocent girl with long legs that I'd looooove to—"

Kammy raised her hand immediately, "PLEASE Lord Bowser. No more! I get it! You're quite attracted to Miss Sarasaland!"

Then Bowser buried his face in his hands, "Do you think I screwed things up? I probably freaked her the hell out—"

"King Bowser, I cannot say how Princess Sarasaland feels as I am not her," Kammy hummed, "But...Sire to be frank, she has seen you during the Koopa Moon, and after the Ninji abduction; if circumstances like thosedon't drive her away screaming, then I'm sure she wouldn't...be frightened from this."

Bowser muttered softly, "Yeah...I hope so..."

"Take a deep breath of fresh air and you'll feel better," Kammy smiled, "A goodnight's sleep will make you feel better, you and her both."

Bowser bowed his head before turning and slowly slipping back to his quarters. When he slid into bed for the night, he did nothing but stare at the ceiling, hoping, praying he hadn't scared Flower off.

Dear Stars...

Hey, uh it's Bowser. I don't pray. AT ALL. Actually I do, but it's only for bad things. Last time I prayed, it was for Mario...to have a Chain Chomp bite...his...ass...Which I heard did actually happen! GWHAHAHAHAHAHA that's friggin' FUNNY—But, uh, I know you Starry deities frown on that shi—stuff, I mean STUFF. And I bet you Stars don't like cursing either, which I DO. Allllll the time.

...

AHEM!

If anyone's out there listening, could you make Flower like me? Not, platonic like, but love-like me? I think she's the best woman out there and she's pretty, funny, smart and sexy. Waaaay sexy. I mean yowza, she's HOT. You see the legs on that girl!? And those boobs!? That is one hot little tomboy. She needs her own soundtrack when she walks into a room. Heh, I have this one dvd of her playing a Superstriker game against some loser, do you know how much I rewind and watch her run in slow motion!? Yeeeeah, it's awesome! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!

Anyways...think you could make her notice me? My kids like her—except Roy who...well he has his own issues—but this is the first girl I actually LIKE. She's changing me. ME! I haven't torched the staff anymore, thrown chairs at people's heads, kidnapped Peach and I've been...nice...well as nice as I can be. I'm not NOT gonna stop trying to pound Mario's face in.

...Sooooo, how do you end this thing? Bowser out? Roger? That means you Starry people can stop listening to my wish/prayer thingie now. BOWSER. OUT.

With a huff, Bowser turned over and threw the blankets over his head. Miles and galaxies above their word, little did Bowser know the twinkling, glowing Stars in Star haven had not only heard his prayer, but had recorded it for entertainment purposes. Somewhere in the cosmos, Geno sighed and shook his head as his colleagues laughed; it seems some people never change.

---

Alice: The * if anyone saw it was a Lady Marmalade reference. Of course if you recognized it, then you know what Auntie Lina was saying about Daisy and Bowser. ;)

Ultrra: O_O That jerk Taurus stole credit for Bowser's poetry! He needs a rock bottom! Or at the very least a Bowser punch for that infraction XD And something tells me King Bowwy felt some bowchikabowow~ for Daisy. XD

Alice: Hehe, Leave a review! ^_^