Thank you for all the reviews. The saga continues!

She could hear their voices swirling around her and yet it was all she could do to keep herself oriented to time and place. Elizabeth had told her at one of her sessions that if she ever felt panicked or anxious, she should focus on her breathing, in and out, in and out...hopefully the advice could work for nausea too.

"Two assaults?" Ben said incredulously. "That's all?"

Jack nodded. "The one at the 2-7 and the one at the Algonquin. He said he was willing to do four years and surrender his licence to practice law."

"I hope you told him where he could stick his offer."

"I did, within the norms of polite conversation."

"What did he say about the Luccheses'?"

"Nothing," Claire said. "He never brought them up."

The remark brought Evelyn up sharp, and she turned from where she had been standing near the door, her head clearing slightly as she started to focus. "So what did he have to trade if not them?"

"He gave us a bunch of names, people he knows who have done bad things and if we do a little investigating he can join the dots and get us some convictions..." Claire trailed off, clearly unconvinced. "He just about broke out in a cold sweat when we mentioned the Luccheses' though. So did his lawyer. I don't think she has a clue about any of that."

"I told him that if he wants to come back with a better offer, the door's open," Jack said. "But I don't think he will."

"How did he seem to you?" Ben asked.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, was he nervous, arrogant...?"

Jack paused, "In all honesty, he seemed pretty nervous. But when we told him that his offer was unacceptable...well...the word bitch was mentioned a few times."

"No doubt referring to me," Evelyn said softly. "In his mind, it will always...always be my fault somehow."

Jack stepped over to stand in front of her. "The calendar's been published for next month. We've drawn Judge Mooney and we're due to start November 18th."

Evelyn suddenly felt her heart start to pound and her throat go dry. "That's less than three weeks from now."

"I know." He paused. "You're absolutely sure you want to go through with this."

The question threw her slightly. "Aren't you?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Evelyn. It's going to be a difficult trial both emotionally and in terms of the evidence. A lot of the charges are going to come down to his word against yours, especially the sexual ones..."

"You said you weren't willing to drop any of those charges."

"I'm not..."

"You don't think I can do it."

"We know you can do it, Evelyn," Claire reassured her. "We just don't want you to be under any illusions about how tough it's going to be."

Evelyn turned to look at her. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't wonder every day how I'm going to feel when I'm on the stand telling everyone what he did to me? You think I don't worry about what people are going to think when they hear it?"

"That should be the least of your concerns," Ben said gently.

"Should it?" she turned to him. "You'll be there, won't you? Are you ready to hear it all?"

"I'm ready to be there for you," he said, taking her hands in his. "That's all I care about."

She looked at him, so convinced, so earnest...and her heart overflowed with feelings for him, feelings that she had never once felt for Edward. She kept waiting for the bubble to burst, for him to realise that he actually didn't want her, that all of her baggage was just too much for him to carry along with his own. But it seemed so matter how hard she pushed, he didn't want to go away. What had she done to deserve him in her life?

"We still need a few more prep sessions," Jack broke into her thoughts. "Can you be available over the next week or so?"

"Of course," she nodded, her eyes still on Ben. "I'm ready."

XXXX

"You look like shit," Shambala commented when she got back to the office.

"Thanks," Evelyn hung her coat on the stand and tossed her briefcase onto her desk, knowing the other woman was right but not enjoying having it pointed out to her. When she had left the DA's office, she had taken herself for a coffee and a donut, hoping that it might alleviate how she was feeling. Whilst the nausea had quietened down upon the application of sugar, she still felt anxious about everything. "You really know how to make a girl feel special."

"How did it go?"

"He only offered to plead to two assault charges. Two assault charges...after everything that bastard has put me through..." she broke off at the look on the other woman's face. "Oh...sorry, you were talking about Darnell."

"Yes I was, but...if you need to talk about something else..."

"No, no it's fine," Evelyn said. Thinking constantly about Eddie and the trial was doing her no good whatsoever and even though they had been working together now for a number of weeks, she was still relatively unsure about her new colleague and whether she wanted her as a confidante. "Uh...I told Ben about the issue and he tried to argue that it was a good search but...I think Judge Barry will grant both motions tomorrow. If she does, Darnell's a lucky boy."

"Or an innocent boy."

"Come on Shambala, you don't believe that any more than I do." She sat down at her desk and looked over her messages, but the words blurred in front of her as the room tilted with the return of the nausea. "Jesus...have you ever eaten anything from the deli on Columbus?"

"Sure, plenty times, why?"

"I don't know. I had a sandwich there earlier and I've been feeling sick as a dog ever since."

"Dodgy mayo?"

"Maybe..." she sat forward and put her head in her hands.

"On the other hand, maybe you're pregnant."

"Very funny."

"I'm a laugh a minute," Shambala quipped. "That is, when I'm not late for a hearing with Judge Bertram. I'd better run. Water and dry crackers, I'm telling you."

"Thanks for the tip," Evelyn replied as the door closed behind her. She rubbed her hands over her face, let out a long breath and sat back in her chair. Trust Shambala to come up with the most ridiculous reason for the onset of sudden nausea. It was a good thing she had kept the symptoms to herself earlier, lest everyone in the DA's office had jumped to the same conclusion. Lord, she could only have imagined Ben's face...

Opening her eyes, she reached into her desk for her diary, ostensibly to list the hearing set down for the following morning and to note November 18th as the first day of Eddie's trial, but as she leafed through the pages, something else caught her eye, or rather...the lack of something else did.

She flicked back, searching for it. She had always been meticulous in noting it. Twenty five years of attending a gynaecologist, four miscarriages and a history of heavy bleeds meant it had become like second nature. But as she looked back through September and August, she realised it was missing. The little red cross. The one she always noted on the first day of her period.

Ok...maybe you just forgot to note it down. There's been a lot going on, what with Eddie and Ben...and you were attacked, for God's sake. Stress can do funny things to a person's body too, you know that...don't panic.

"Don't panic..." she said the words out loud as though it would make a difference, but even as she tried to stay calm, she felt her chest tighten and her breathing grow shallow. Pregnant..she couldn't be. Her pill had been religiously swallowed daily since leaving Eddie and Ben had worn a condom most...well...some of the time. "Oh God..." she breathed. "How could you have been so stupid...?" Instantly, she was back there...back to the last time, the very last time when she had told him. The look on his face...the shouting...the anger...his hands on her shoulders pushing her...she closed her eyes again and when she opened them she could feel the smart of tears.

XXXX

"Is she strong enough, that's what I want to know?"

"Of course she's strong enough."

Adam shook his head, "You're biased."

Ben paused, unsure how to answer that point...unconvinced how much Adam really knew. "She's ready to do this, Adam."

"Yeah..." the other man leaned back in his chair. "It's not going to be easy for her."

"She knows that."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Is Jack going to call you as a witness?"

"For what happened at the Algonquin?" Adam nodded. "I don't know yet. Maybe. He certainly can't call himself."

"No..." Adam mused. "It'll certainly have a hell of an impact on the jury when they hear that the lead prosecutor punched the defendant in the face."

"He reacted as any of us would have in the circumstances," Ben said, still slightly aggrieved that he hadn't had the presence of mind to do what Jack had done himself. "He was defending her."

"I know that and you know that, but will a jury be able to see that?"

"Adam, by the time the case gets that far, they are going to hate Edward Burns just as much as we all do," Ben said. "Jack'll be a hero to them."

"Hmm..." Adam said. "I wish I shared your confidence."

XXXX

"...and what with the budget cuts again this year, we really need to take a closer look at all of the extra work we're doing. Now, I'm not saying we don't defend our clients to the best of our abilities, but what I am saying..."

Evelyn wasn't listening. She knew she wasn't. Derek Haston had been talking for the last twenty minutes about budget cuts and the effect on legal aid at the monthly meeting and, as a relatively new member of staff, she knew she should have been paying attention, taking in what he was saying, thinking for herself about how she could do her job effectively with less money, but her mind was so far from the subject. Instead, it was firmly focused on the home pregnancy test sitting in her desk drawer. The one she had run out to the nearest drugstore to buy. The one she had taken right before the meeting. The one with the two lines...

Across the table, she could see Shambala looking at her, a concerned expression on her face and she tried to look interested in what was being said, tried to push her own personal issues to the back of her mind, but it was impossible.

She was pregnant...with Ben's child. A man she knew well and yet didn't. A man she loved and who she knew loved her and yet...a baby? The very thought would have made her laugh if it wasn't so...what was she going to do? How could she tell him? What was she supposed to say? What would he say?

Around her, people started getting to their feet and she realised that the meeting had concluded. Getting to her feet, she tried to leave quickly, to get back to the safe solitude of her office, but she wasn't quick enough. Shambala fell into step beside her as they stepped out into the corridor.

"Are you sure you're all right?" she asked. "Only you looked as though you were going to faint at various points during that meeting. I know Derek is, possibly, the most boring man on the earth but..."

"I'm fine," she replied. "It's just..."

"The dodgy mayo?"

"Something like that." They reached her office and Evelyn made to go inside and close the door, but the other woman was too quick for her and slid in behind her.

"It's not the sandwich, is it?" she asked, closing the door. "I was right earlier, wasn't I? You are pregnant."

Before she could stop herself, Evelyn collapsed into her chair and burst into tears. Life could be so unfair sometimes.

Shambala stepped around the pile of files on the floor and crouched in front of her. "Is it Ben's?"

"Of course it's Ben's!" Evelyn snapped, realising too late that rather than simply defend her fidelity she had, in fact, confirmed a rumour.

"Does he know?"

"No, I just took the test before the meeting."

Shambala let out a long breath and sat down on the floor at her feet. "How do you feel about it?"

"How do I feel...?" Evelyn shook her head at how simple, and yet complex, a question it was. "I've had...four miscarriages in fifteen years and...and I wanted every single one of those babies, despite who their father was."

"And do you want this one, knowing who its father is?"

"The chances of this pregnancy going full term..." She closed her eyes again, trying to block out the image of Eddie's angry face, aware she had avoided answering.

"Just because you had four miscarriages with him doesn't mean that this one won't work out. Do you have any idea how far along you are?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe eight weeks?"

"Then you still have a little bit of time to think about what you want to do." Shambala paused. "Do you think Ben would want it, if he knew?"

"Ben..." she put her head in her hands. "Ben has been...so good to me and now..." she rubbed her face. "He's older than me and he already has two kids, teenagers at that...is he really going to want to go back to dirty diapers and sleepless nights...?

"Well for one thing, he's as much to blame for this as you are and for another...don't you think you should give him the chance to make that choice for himself?"

"And what do I do, Shambala, if he makes the choice and tells me he doesn't want it?" Evelyn demanded. "What do I do? Do I get an abortion? Do I walk away from him? Or do I throw myself down the stairs like Eddie..." she broke off, unwilling to remember. "I'm supposed to be meeting him for dinner tonight. What the hell am I going to say?"

"Ok, well you have two choices," Shambala said. "You can either, call him now, tell him it's been a really long day and you just want to go home to bed alone, go home and think this all through or you can meet him, tell him and decide what to do together."

"Those are my only choices?"

"Evelyn, the longer you leave this the harder it is going to be. This isn't something you can carry around by yourself. Besides, you're going to have to change how you do things here and people are going to wonder why."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't go into holding cells either at the precinct or the court. Derek's going to have to be told and a full risk assessment needs to be done..."

"No! I can't say anything to Derek or anyone else yet...Shambala please, you can't say anything!"

"I'm not going to say a word," Shambala said, getting to her feet and moving back towards the door. "But you need to, and soon. I'm here for you Evelyn, but Ben's the person you need right now and you know that. He's the only one that can help you decide what to do."

"I know you're right," she said slowly, "I know you are, it's just..."

"I know," Shambala said. "Look, I know you were supposed to be seeing that new client in ten minutes, but I'll take him, ok? Give yourself some time to think."

"Thank you," Evelyn said, suddenly grateful. "I appreciate that, thank you."

"Well I kind of owe you for the Dorkins case," she said with a smile. "I'll see you later, ok?"

Evelyn nodded as the other woman left the room, took a deep breath, wiped her face and lifted the phone.

XXXX

When the phone rang, he was expecting it to be Danielle Melnick. Alice Watkins had filed a note of appeal against her conviction and life sentence and though Ben knew it had little merit, he was faced with the uphill task of preparing for it, something he could do without given his current heavy workload and useless assistant. So when he heard Evelyn's voice, it came as a welcome surprise in an otherwise gloomy day.

"Hey," she said, "what are you doing?"

"Oh, just going over the grounds for appeal in the Watkins' case," he replied. "Danielle's creative, I'll give you that."

"She must be insane to think she'll get anywhere with that."

"Insanity isn't one of her better qualities. What about you?"

"We just had our monthly pep talk from the boss. Nothing very peppy about it, mind you. More like a half hour of doom and gloom."

"Sounds fascinating."

"It was. Now I know where Shambala gets some of her sound bites from." Evelyn paused. "Listen, about tonight..."

"What about it?"

"I was hoping...would you mind if we took a rain check?"

Ben paused, "Everything ok?"

"Fine, it's just been a really long day and what with all that stuff about Eddie earlier...I could just use a bit of headspace. A hot bath, some wine, some terrible TV, that sort of thing."

"Sounds great," he replied. "You sure I can't come over and scrub your back?"

"Any other night, yes, but I could just use some alone time." She paused. "Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad? You need some space and I can absolutely understand and respect that. Besides, we've got a showdown in front of Judge Barry tomorrow morning and I reckon I'll need my beauty sleep for it."

"Thanks," she said, and he thought he detected a thickness of emotion in her voice. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes you will," he replied. "I love you."

She paused and when she spoke again, there was no denying it. "I love you too, Ben."

The phone went dead and he slowly replaced the receiver. Something wasn't quite right, he was sure of it, and if it was about Eddie, he could hardly blame her. Damn that man, he thought to himself. Damn him and everything he's done.

XXXX

For a while, being alone worked. She did what she had told him she would do. She had gone home, had a bath, drunk a half glass of wine, pulled on her nightclothes and settled down on the couch with a blanket to watch the news. Five minutes in and she had no clue what was pertinently affecting Americans that day. The words, the images...they just rolled over her. All she could think about was the baby inside her and the father that didn't know. She found her hand drifting every so often to her stomach still flat, or as flat as one's stomach can be at almost forty one. There was no outward sign...nothing. She could almost convince herself it had been a mistake, a false positive. Only a doctor could really tell her the truth. She shivered, though it was warm in her apartment the nightclothes and blanket were no substitute for another person's body. His body.

When he opened the door to her, he didn't seem surprised to see her. To her relief, he didn't ask her any questions. He simply kissed her, held her, took her to bed and made love to her, slowly and intensely, just as she knew she needed.

Everything else could wait.