Took quite long. I have no excuse.
Forgive me.
Not found? Disappeared? How could the Hero of the Citadel just disappear? How couldn't they NOT find him? He had been right there next to her only a day ago... Right next to her. And now she had no idea where he was, where he could even be.
And Joker kept insisting that John had remained behind, that he had helped him to escape... What did remain behind mean? What about the explosion? Did he get awa- No! He did get away. It's Shepard, for ancestors' sake: Hero of the Citadel, the indestructible and unstoppable human! A simple explosion couldn't stop him. Wouldn't stop him. There was no way that such a thing could happen... No way.
"We're calling off the search..." the Captain of the ship Berlin - their rescuer - said with a disheartened voice. "If he's not in the pods, then..."
Tali immediately stood up and pushed Chief Engineer Adams - who the Captain had been talking to - aside, staring at the Captain with enraged defiance. "Calling off the search!" Tali asked - no, yelled - at the Captain. "You can't do that!"
The Captain merely stared at her incredulously, like he was having a hard time believing what he was hearing. Tali also felt someone pulling her by the arm. "Tali..." that someone called to her.
It didn't matter. "You can't just leave him there! It's Commander Shepard! He saved the Citadel! Keelah, he saved the entire galaxy!" she yelled, pointing her finger at him. "He saved all of you!"
"Tali."
"No! We can't just leave him there! He's still out there!"
"Tali!"
She snapped a turn towards the shouter, ready to unleash her verbal barrage at him too, but before she could say a word, the shouter - Garrus - spoke. "He's gone."
Tali immediately felt even more enraged, felt like Garrus was betraying John.. "How can YOU say that?" she yelled at him in turn. "After all that he did for you, you're just going to leave him behind?"
Garrus' head sunk down. "They can't find h-"
"No!" Tali shouted, refusing to believe what she was hearing. She turned back to the Captain. "Search again!"
And the Captain turned to Adams. "Lieutenant Commander Adams, control your... crew."
His tone clearly showed his disdain over the composition of Shepard's crew.
Adams nodded to Garrus, and they started to drag Tali away, who still kept screaming.
…
Garrus did not feel good about this, actually didn't feel good about anything. How the hell was he supposed to ever feel happy again? Shepard, his friend and comrade was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Blown away by some unknown enemy for who knew why... It felt so meaningless, so worthless... Shepard deserved more than that, he deserved better. Garrus should've gone for Joker, not Shepard. He shouldn't have let Shepard go alone... He should've-... He should've done something! Wrong damn man had died and he had done nothing to stop it. Tali was right; Shepard had done so much for him, and now he had just let him die.
Garrus had failed again, like countless times before.
Then something struck him very hard, causing him to bury his face in his hands; Tali. She still probably couldn't accept that Shepard was gone, couldn't believe that it was true. Garrus couldn't blame her, for he wished that he could believe that as well. But he couldn't. He simply knew that it was wishful thinking... But he still craved to do so so terribly.
And she had probably loved him. She had not told Garrus that, but it truly seemed so: The way she always spoke of him, the way she looked at him, the way she was around him... It was pretty obvious.
Or that's what he wished for; both of them deserved all happiness they could have...
And simultaneously did not wish it; Tali didn't need pain, didn't deserve it.
But what would happen when she realized that he was not coming back, that he was dead? Was she going to do something drastic, something stupid?
No, that cannot happen, Garrus couldn't allow anything like that to happen. Not now, or ever.
He stood up and started walking towards the door at a brisk pace; at least he could do one thing correctly, and help his friend.
…
Tali couldn't sit down, she couldn't just... not do anything! She had to save John! He was still out there somewhere, and he needed her help! This way for once, she thought with a chuckle. How could that idiot Captain stop the search? Just leave him there! All alone in the cold space... That thought made her finally sit down and think: She had to get out of this brig.
She summoned up her omnitool and pointed it at the door, trying to find something to hack. And she did; the door panel, to be precise. Tali immediately initialized the hacking program, simultaneously working on a plan in her head: She would need to get to the flight deck and steal a shuttle or a fighter, then search for him. That was what she had to do; she couldn't just abandon him there. After all that he'd done for her, after all they'd been through. No, it was unthinkable.
The hacking finished and the door swung open, Tali jumping back to her feet and running towards the door, only to...
… bump into Garrus.
She staggered from the impact before realizing who it was, and when she did, her eyes narrowed in anger. "What are YOU doing here?"
Garrus simply stared back at her. "How did you open the door and why?"
"I'm not staying here. John needs my help," she answered adamantly. "And yours, but apparently you have something better to do," she added disdainfully, looking at Garrus with a scorning glare.
Garrus gave the guardsman stationed at the door a nervous glance, but it seemed that he had not heard her threat. Or didn't care. As Garrus turned back to his friend, he shook his head in disapproval. "I wish that was true."
"It is true! We must help him!"
"We can't help him!" Garrus snapped back. "He's gone!"
"How can you say that?" Tali was now yelling to him. "He helped you and you are just leaving him in there!"
"They can't find him, Tali!" Garrus retorted, feeling ever more down as the conversation progressed. "There is no signal from his suit."
Tali blinked for a second, before regaining her composure. "N-no, that could mean anything...I-it could be broken, or their sensors are... or... or something!"
Garrus' head lowered, as did his voice. "Nothing's broken, Tali. He stayed behind when Joker took the last escape pod... He's gone."
Gone? Was he gone? Dead? No, no, no, no, he could not be dead! It was not possible! It was Shepard! "No, that's not true," Tali said adamantly, despite beginning to doubt ever so slightly. "It can't be true."
"I wish it weren't," Garrus replied quietly, his head still hanging.
Tali took a step back, feeling how her eyes began to moisten. "He... he wouldn't do that to me..." she whispered, taking another step backwards.
Garrus had no idea what to do, seeing his friend crumble before him like that... He could do nothing but watch in distress, as she fell to her knees and buried as much of the mask's glass in her hands as she could...
"It can't be true...h-he said he'd never leave me..." she sobbed on her knees, cursing the mask by keeping her from touching her face. Always the mask in the way of everything she wanted... In the way of everyone. Him.
Garrus felt just as wretched inside as she did, felt so helpless for not being able to do anything. He should do something, not just stand there... He always just stood there, never doing anything. And those times when he did something, it ended in a catastrophe. But then, without thinking, Garrus knelt down next to her, and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. What else was he supposed to do..?
She responded by wrapping her arms around him and burying her face into his neck, shaking as she finally started to cry.
He was gone, and she just hadn't wanted to believe it... Still didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe it. How could it be true? He was taken from her by some unknown force... Nothing was right. Nothing could ever be right again. She didn't want to do anything anymore, just... cease existing... This life was far too painful. It cannot be true, it hurt too badly.
She simply could not bear it if it was true. "Tell me this is a dream," Tali whispered quietly. "T-tell me this isn't really happening..."
It took all Garrus' willpower to not break down like her, but still a single tear rolled down on his cheek, finally landing somewhere on the floor. "I wish I could."
"I-I loved him. So much."
"I know."
Garrus had never been that sorry in his life for being right.