Kate's POV
I followed James to his room as Snaps went to the beach and Lex went to his own room. Knocking on the door, I could hear him pacing inside.
"Snaps, I don't want to talk right now." He called.
I smirked and tried not to laugh. Had Lex made me so blind that I hadn't seen them growing closer? Maybe just a little.
"Guess again, brother dearest." I said.
He opened the door quickly after that. "Sorry, Katie."
'Don't worry about it, Romeo." I teased as I easily pushed past him.
He rolled his eyes at me after closing the door. "So, you have been paying attention."
I nodded. "A little. Sometimes it's hard to miss the way you two look at each other."
He smiled a bit at that. "We're not the only ones looking." His tone was harsh.
"It just slipped his mind." I said. "It happens to everyone."
"Kate, you know we're not-"
"I know." I cut him off.
"Just be careful." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Something just feels wrong."
'I will be, if you are." I headed for the door. I had my hand on the handle. "Oh, and you should think of telling Snaps."
I opened the door and started toward my room.
"Telling her what?" James asked, sticking his head out of the room.
I didn't look back, just called over my shoulder.
"You know what."
Snaps' POV
The next few days, we all sort of seemed in bad moods, especially James and I. We had been there a month and had nothing to report, which was why we didn't. Needless to say, I went to the beach a lot. I was torn between wanting to see James and wanting to run away so I wouldn't feel like I was just waiting for rejection.
Up until then, just liking him hadn't been a problem. It had been like in school, when you had a crush, you liked him, but you forgot him when he moved away and never thought about it again. But once you admitted to yourself that you loved someone, that was it. You'd pretty much resigned to chaining your heart and happiness to them. It's like if they leave you behind, you're bound to your place, and the farther away they get, the more strings holding your heart in break, and eventually, the chain that held you together doesn't break, it just rips your heart out with it, because the chain is stronger than the heart ever was.
These thoughts filled my head each day as I sat in the sand, and all the rules about no emotional involvement in MI6 suddenly made sense. AS hard as it was to admit, it was too dangerous…it was too dangerous to love someone. Instead of losing one person through death, you lost two, them and the one they loved.
For the first time in my life, I resented being a Double O. Love had done this to me, so in a way, I resented James.
But I loved him so much I felt I'd burst.
And no matter how many times I ran to the beach, I could not run from my heart. My damn heart.
So there I sat, yet again, on the beach in jeans and my thin yellow jacket. My hair was down, blowing behind me in the sea breeze. I would have loved to be barefoot, but the strange Lebanon weather made it too cold to do so. I was looking out to the waves, a solemn expression on my face, when I felt someone else's presence.
I looked over my shoulder to see James, standing behind me, hands in the pockets of his khaki pants, and a dark polo shirt on.
My heart leapt, and then sank, remembering my predicament quickly. I turned back to the ocean, not wanting him to see my face.
He sat down next to me.
"All right. This has to stop. What is wrong with you? Why won't you look at me? Why won't you talk to me?"
I sighed. "I have my reasons."
"I know you do! I want to know what they are!"
I put my head in my hands. "Don't yell at me. It's not helping!"
"I know!" He yelled anyway, and stood back up, looking down at me. "I don't know how to help! I don't know what you want me to do, or I'd do it!"
I stood up, looking him in the eye. "I…I want…"
He looked at me expectantly.
'Just say it.' I thought. 'Just say it…say "I want you to love me."'
But that wasn't what came out.
"You can't give me what I want."
He took my shoulders in his hands, shaking me lightly. "Maybe I can. Just tell me!"
I turned from him, and his hands slid off my shoulders reluctantly. I crossed my arms, my back still to him.
"Why won't you just tell me?!" he asked.
"Because you won't understand! You don't know what I'm going through!"
"You don't know that!"
I put my hand back to my head again, my eyes squeezed together to keep from crying. I heard a sigh, then approaching footsteps. A hand touched my back lightly in the curve.
"Please, Snaps. Just talk to me again. Next to Kate…you're my best friend."
I closed my eyes. "Is that all I am, James?"
Silence, a piece of hope.
Even though I knew this relationship could never be, not in an eternity…
I would be satisfied if he loved me.
But he hadn't said it…and I was still there, he was still there, nothing else, not what I wanted.
He put his arms around me, hugging me from behind, placing his cheek on mine. I took a breath and put my hands on his arms, gripping him for dear life.
"Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
'It's what you haven't done, but-'
"I forgive you."