Rory spent most of the week in bed at home, when she wasn't at school. She had come home suddenly but of course her mom had taken her in without asking any questions. And let the town talk, they had no idea what she had been going through.
She still went to school every day, braving the traffic and the chance of running into Logan but he stayed away.
Rory knew her mom wanted to ask questions but all she wanted to do was get away from that apartment, that neighborhood, and from Logan. He hadn't done anything horrible, but Rory just didn't love him anymore and couldn't stand living with him. Maybe she never really loved him at all.
After a week of mostly sleeping and school Rory started to get back to her normal life in Stars Hollow, as if she had never left. She went to Luke's to eat, she watched movies with her mom, she hung out with Lane and the band. She never talked about why she had left, why she wasn't with Logan anymore but no one pushed her about it or made her talk before she was ready.
She was glad she never saw Logan at her grandparents when she went for dinner. She didn't even know if he was still working there or if he quit to avoid her. But either way, it was good because it would be too painful to see him face to face, to have to tell him that she didn't love him, couldn't love him. He would say it was because of the baby, but it wasn't, it was just how she felt.
Rory gulped coffee from a Yale coffee cart and sat in class stoically. She didn't participate as much as before, probably because she was always so tired. 'Must be senioritis' she thought. And she was so close to graduation, her grades were so good that it didn't even matter anyway.
When she got home that night her mom was there, trying to talk. "Rory I've kept my mouth shut for the past two weeks but I have to ask, why are you here? What happened with Logan? Whatever it was I want to help you."
Rory glared at her mother. "It just didn't work."
"Do you love him?" Lorelai asked.
Rory shook her head and quickly shuffled into her room, sat on the bed and opened her books.
She spent the rest of the night in her room, but then finally came out to apologize to Lorelai.
"I'm sorry I was rude earlier but I really don't want to talk about it. I just want to finish school and move on with my life. Really." She assured her mom.
Lorelai sighed. "If you are sure. I just want you to know that I'm here for you kid."
Rory gave her mom a quick hug. "Thanks, but I'm fine. I'm going down to Luke's to get some food and to read a bit. You want anything?"
"Just a doughnut. And tell me I'm pretty." said Lorelai.
"You know you are." said Rory, grabbing her coat. "I'll see you later tonight."
"Doughnut!" called Lorelai after her.
Rory sat down at a table and tried to focus on her work. She ate her pile of fries absently, occasionally having a drink from her cup of coffee as well. Then a familiar presence was standing next to her. Rory looked up.
"Hey Dean." she said somewhat shyly.
"Hey Rory I heard you were back in town." he said. "I didn't see you around though."
"Yeah I've been so busy with school." she said, glad that he didn't seem mad at her anymore. "Want to sit down?"
"Sure." Dean took a seat, looking intently at her. "How have you been?"
"I've been okay, not much to talk about." said Rory. "What about you? Have you been doing anything new?"
"I've gotten really into S & M." said Dean.
Rory looked shocked.
"I'm just kidding." said Dean. "I haven't been doing too much either."
Rory smiled. "It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you too. It's been way too long." said Dean.
"Dean do you think we could be friends?" Rory asked.
"Of course. Whatever you want." Dean said. Rory thought he was putting more meaning into it than his words conveyed, but she couldn't be sure. Did he still want a relationship with her? He had broken up with her the last time. Rory smiled back at him but was really wondering just how he felt about her.
Rory spent a lot of time with Dean for the two months, hanging out and catching up on old times. Lorelai was surprised that Dean was over at the house so much but was glad that they seemed to be just friends, at least at this point. She knew Rory was in no place to start dating again so soon after the miscarriage and breaking up with Logan.
So one day Dean and Rory were sitting on the couch, watching tv when Dean finally picked up the remote and muted the tv.
"Rory what happened with you?" he asked, looking at her earnestly.
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.
"You aren't the same anymore at all. Why did you come back to Stars Hollow? I know there's something you haven't been telling me."
"You think you know me so well" Rory started to say but Dean interrupted her. "I do know you so well. And you know that you can talk to me."
"Fine, I had a boyfriend and now I don't and thats why I'm home." She said shortly.
"Logan?" Dean asked.
"How did you know about him?" said Rory.
"The whole town was talking about him after you two visited here. So what happened between the two of you?"
For some reason Rory felt like she could talk to Dean. But she also wasn't sure if she wanted to date him and if telling him the story would ruin her chances. Finally she decided to talk.
"Well Logan and I were dating and then his family kicked him out and he lost all his money and everything, so we were living together. And he had a lot of trouble getting back on his feet but he finally found a job and things were going okay until I found out that I was pregnant."
"You were pregnant!" Dean exclaimed. She obviously wasn't now, so what had happened? "Did he do something to you?" he asked, feeling a surge of protectiveness.
"No of course not!" Rory said. "Just we got our own place and then I got mugged one night and had a miscarriage. And then I wasn't sure if I loved him anymore so I left."
"Did you talk to him?"
"Not really. I just didn't want to have a big argument with him about it, I mean it's done, over, in the past."
Rory suddenly turned to him, and leaned in to kiss him.
Dean put out his hand, and pushed her gently away.
"Rory, I know you still love him." he said. "You are confused and sad and I know you may not want to believe it, but I know you and I know you love him."
Rory could feel the tears coming, tears she hadn't cried since the evening several months ago when a stranger had knocked her down and taken her purse. Her face burned with embarrassment at having made a move and been turned down.
"Why do you mean, I still love him? I haven't seen him in more than two months!"
"I know. But Rory thats how you deal with things. You pretend that everything is fine and nothing is bothering you. But this time it worked too well. You made yourself feel nothing at all, because it hurt too much to feel. I know that what happened was terrible but you can't let it sit there forever, you have to move past it."
"I have." said Rory defensively.
"No you haven't. It's still there, preventing you from feeling. You never even cried for it did you?"
"So when did you get to be an expert, Freud?"
Dean sighed. "I'm not Rory. I just know you and I know how you feel. And I know that you are going to be unhappy forever unless you get past this. And just forgetting about it, and your boyfriend and focusing on someone new isn't the answer. You have unresolved issues with Logan."
Rory stared at her feet, not wanting to acknowledge the truth in his words.
"Rory, do you really want to forget about Logan and be with me?" Dean asked. "I want an honest answer, think about it."
Rory bit her lip and thought. "No." she said quietly.
Dean smiled. "Rory you shouldn't go to someone else just because its familiar."
"You were always there for me. You always loved me." said Rory.
"Well I did, and I still love you, just not in the same way. I want you to be happy. I don't know Logan and I don't know what kind of guy he is, but I do know that you love him. You just shut yourself off from your feelings for him because you didn't want to feel anything at all."
"I guess you are right." said Rory, trying to hold back the tears that were long overdue in coming. "How did you know?"
"Because I know you. And I know how you react. And when you don't want to talk, when you want to avoid and just get away thats because you aren't dealing with it."
"How did you get to be so smart?" Rory asked with a small smile.
"I finally recognized something similar in myself. I still love Lindsay. I probably messed everything up with her forever, but I'm still going to try. And I think you really need to talk to Logan."
"He probably hates me." sniffled Rory. "I just left. I don't even know where he is now." The tears were coming freely now and Rory grabbed a tissue.
Dean wrapped his arms around her but she felt nothing more than friendship and compassion from him.
Suddenly it all came to Rory, how she had just left, leaving just a note, how she had avoided thinking about Logan for months, how much she missed him, and yes how much she loved him. She spent the rest of the night crying, crying for the baby and for Logan and the life they were supposed to have had together. She cried for the missed time and for the fact that Logan had probably moved on by now. She cried for everything that she hadn't cried for all this time.
When Lorelai came home Dean excused himself and left Rory with her mom, the person she really needed then. Lorelai didn't ask any questions, just held her daughter and let her cry and get everything out. She knew that this was a good sign, that Rory was really thinking now, and acknowledging that something had happened and things weren't fine.