Chapter 23

I woke up to my alarm going off. It woke up Seth too, whose arms loosened around me enough to let me roll over and turn off the alarm. I got out of bed, joints cracking, and walked over to the closet. My arms went around myself, trying to hold onto some of the heat Seth had been providing.

"Can't Kevin just call you in sick?" Seth asked sleepily as I pulled out some clothes.

"I need to go to school," I said. "School's… normal. And I have to keep my grades up." I said, turning back to look at his sleepy face.

A soft knock at the door made both of our heads turn. Esme's face peeked in.

"Kevin's already called you and Annika in," Esme said. Seth flopped back down in bed but I froze. Annika.

Esme seemed like she was the new Edward when she nodded. "She saw Seth change back last night. Kevin and Leah talked to her for awhile, but she won't come out of her room, and she's having trouble sleeping."

Seth was already snoring. I dropped my pants by the closet and put on my sweater, walking over to Esme.

"Is she awake right now?"

"Yes, Edward said she doesn't know whether or not to get ready for school."

I closed my door as quietly as I could and moved down the hall. Embry was fast asleep, laying on his back a few feet from Annika's door. I tiptoed around him and knocked.

"Annika? It's me."

After a pause I heard soft footsteps, and then the click of the door. She opened the door a crack, and then a little wider, seeing it was just me.

"Can I come in?"

She opened the door a bit more and took a step back. I walked in, closing and locking the door before walking over to her bed and getting back in. After an indecisive few seconds, she crawled in beside me.

"Kevin called and said we're sick," I said, taking one of her pillows and getting comfy. She curled up beside me, and we stared at each other for a minute. I didn't know what to do or say.

"So they told you… stuff?"

She nodded.

"Did they tell you why Embry's obsessed with you?"

She nodded again.

"Weird, right?"

She cracked a smile, and I knew she would be okay.

"They thought I was all sorts of crazy when I didn't fall head over heels for Seth," I began. "And then you came along, and Embry… It was all the validation I never knew I needed."

"They don't expect me to have sex with him, do they?" She asked quietly, and I'm sure she could see the immediate horror on my face.

"No! And if they do, I'm going to beat them up." I said. "I think Embry's just been worried about you. I mean, we're all worried about you." I took her hand. "But I think Embry would probably die happy just to see you smile."

She squeezed my hand, and we were both quiet for a little bit. I heard the softest of noises, and I looked up to find tears streaming down her face.

"Oh Annika,"

I pulled her closer to me and was surprised to find that her little arms wrapped around me tightly. And God, she was a lot stronger than she looked. Her whole body was shaking as she cried into my neck. I held her as tightly as I could, as tightly as I would have wanted to be held over the past seven months when I had to cry alone.

I don't know how long we laid like that, but the sun was up before she pulled back a little and grabbed tissues for us both.

"I thought I was crazy. With that vampire, before Christmas." She said, her breathing still sort of uneasy. She had one hand on her chest, like it hurt to breathe.

"I guess we were all hoping you hit your head too hard to remember," I said. She shook her head softly, wiping her tears away. I felt a little guilty, and then confused as she got up from the bed and moved towards her closet.

"I need to go to school." She said.

"Okay," I said, throwing the covers back. "I'll go get dressed."

I opened the door, clicking the lock in before I closed it. Kevin was at the front door, coat on, arms around Leah. They both looked at me as I emerged from my cousin's room.

"We're going to school," I said. "So you might want to call them again or something. I think we need to go."

Kevin and Leah looked at each other, but I escaped to my room before they could protest.

Seth woke up as I came back in, scooping up my clothes to go get dressed.

"Bray?"

"Can't talk now," I said, running into the bathroom to get changed and get ready. I made it in record time, opening the door to run into Seth.

"I don't know if school's such a good idea right now," Seth said. I noticed my door was open, and Carlisle and Esme were having a nearly silent discussion.

"What's she going to do? Tell everyone? Then they'll really think she's crazy," I pointed out. "Besides, I think she just needs to process away from all of this. And I need a little break too, frankly." I said, looking between Seth and the vampire patriarch.

Seth had nothing to say, so I grabbed my backpack and kissed his cheek.

"Just think of it this way: you have all day to come up with the rest of your twenty questions." I teased.

Annika fell asleep on the bus, which I found to be a good sign. I walked her to her class and reminded her that we both needed to look that we could have taken a sick day, but we really wanted to stay on top of our school work. It was a little easier for her to lie: she looked like she hadn't gotten more than an hour of sleep. I had slept like a rock, and was almost jittery from the energy of a full night of sleep. I had to make myself walk slowly, look drowsy, and cough into my arm every now and then.

It was a warm day for the end of March, and I found Annika to take her 'out to lunch'. We went to McDonald's, which seemed like a great idea until we were ordering and I remembered what happened the last time I was eating McDonald's (yesterday, and I could have died).

We sat down, and she raised her eyes at my medium fries and small coke.

"My stomach actually hurts a bit. So," I said. "Anything you're dying to know, away from prying ears?"

Annika thought on this for a couple minutes, looking around the mostly empty McDonald's.

"How did everything work with you and Seth? So far, I mean." She said softly. I hummed.

"Well, I met him a bit before the wedding." I said. "Leah and I weren't getting along very well, so no one really liked me when they showed up. They changed their tune a little after Seth…"

She nodded. I took a sip of my drink. "I was pretty upset when he told me about the whole imprinting thing. It felt kind of forced, like if it weren't for that there would be no way that any of them could stand me."

She nodded along.

"We fought a lot. And by that, I mean Seth wanted to talk rationally and I didn't want to talk. I kind of yelled at him a lot," I admitted. "But the rest of his family was driving me crazy. Take it from me, we're lucky Paul isn't a part of Jacob's pack."

Annika continued to eat, her eyes on me.

"Now I guess we're doing a bit better. I don't know if my feelings changed or what, but I know I can depend on Seth. That's what I like about this whole, weird situation. And I know Embry makes you nervous, but he'd never hurt you. I don't think he'd be capable, except maybe to save you from something else."

Annika took everything in as she chewed on her bite of burger.

"Okay," she said quietly. "And the Cullens… they really never eat people, right?"

"Right."

"Okay."

We finished eating and walked back in near silence. Occasionally, Annika would look around and ask another question.

"So Edward's a mind reader?"

"Yep."

"And no one's bothered?"

"Well, you get used to it. It's still annoying, but there's nothing you can do."

"Alice is a psychic."

"Yup."

"Cool."

We got back to school, and Annika surprised me with a hug before she disappeared into the crowd.

School seemed like a great idea before lunch, but I couldn't concentrate at all after lunch. And to make things worse, I remembered at the last bell that I had work. I texted Seth to let him know, and made my way over to dance.

It seemed like the clock was going backwards every time I looked away, and it took an eternity for it to go from 3PM to 8PM. But when I let the last class go, I could see Seth standing in the waiting room, one of my jackets in his arms.

Jasmine looked at me grinning like an idiot.

"So you two are a thing now. Too bad Kevin didn't hold out a couple more years, you all could have had a double wedding,"

"Shut up," I said, but with no malice, as I peeled off my yoga pants. She shook her head to herself and buttoned up her shirt.

"Just don't let him pressure you into anything." She said.

"He wouldn't," I promised. "He seems like he'd be the kind of guy to cry during sex because of the beauty of it, or something."

Jasmine threw her head back and laughed.

"Just put on your damn clothes," she said, shaking her head at me.

Seth smiled wide when I finally emerged from the staff room with my emergency bag of clothes.

"Work is a thing, that happens. And I forget about." I said.

"No worries," he said, taking my bag from me. "I have my list ready."

"Oh no," I said, but I was grinning, and so was he.

We hopped in the car and I buckled in.

"Okay," he began, but I could feel my heart racing.

"No, we can't sit in the car." I said, my hand over my heart, which was shivering in my chest. Seth blinked, and pulled the car into reverse and started driving towards home.

"Can we talk while I drive?" He asked, and I nodded. "Alright, what was your first opinion of me? And I mean very first."

I held my dance beg tightly and thought. "Well, I guess the first time we really interacted was when you scared me in the kitchen."

Seth smiled a little. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay. I think I was annoyed that you put me on the counter so I wouldn't cut myself."

"Oh right. I forgot about that. You jumped off though, didn't you?"

"Yeah, you had to walk me through that thought process."

We were quiet for a minute.

"Your turn," he prompted quietly. I sighed, playing with the zipper of my bag.

"What was your first impression of me?"

Seth smiled. "The first time I saw you, you were leaving from school, and Nessie was proclaiming that you two would be best friends. You looked so beautiful, and you were so sweet with her. And you were blushing so hard, trying to ignore all of us."

I smiled weakly, vaguely remembering the overwhelming embarrassment of that day. "Your turn," I reminded him.

"Which school do you think you're going to accept your admission for?"

"Pardon?"

"Your university acceptances. Which one are you going to accept? Kevin was saying you already got your letters back."

I was silent for a minute. "I don't think I'm going to go yet. I'll probably work a few years and save up some money first."

Seth's eyebrows drew together and he glanced at me for a second before pulling onto my road.

"Kevin didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Seth parked and thought hard about what he was going to say.

"Carlisle and Esme gave him money for you to go to school. And for him to go to culinary school. As a wedding present."

I was in shock. "A wedding present?" was all I could say.

"I guess they knew he wouldn't go if you didn't go off to school," Seth said slowly. "They've been talking about moving so Kevin can go to school, Leah will work, and Annika can finish up high school somewhere new, like a fresh start."

Seth reached over to take my hand but I opened the door and slid out of the car, feeling sick. I needed to get a grip— of course this was an amazing opportunity for Kevin, which he deserved. I was being totally selfish, wanting to stay in my childhood home forever. But as I walked up the stairs, I felt like leaving it behind would be like leaving my mom and dad. The house was the only place, the only thing, that reminded me of them.

"Bray?"

Seth followed me inside, and I kicked my shoes off and headed for my room.

"Don't you want dinner?" he called. I wanted to answer, but my throat felt closed. I walked into my room and calmly as I could, closed the door gently, locked it, set my bag down, rushed to the bathroom, turned the shower on and let myself cry. It felt like I was having a tug of war with my own emotions— I was scared to go to school, move away on my own, struggle far away from Kevin (and even Leah, if I was being honest now), scared to leave my hometown, dance, my house. And at the same time I was mad at myself, mad at looking a gift horse in the mouth, mad that I was being so selfish and ungrateful. Eventually I stripped off my clothes and actually got into the shower. Seth was either going to tell everyone I was upset, or other people heard, and I was going to have to explain my crazy self to a room full of real adults and try to not make my brother hate me for being so self-centred.

I scrubbed myself pink, looking like a lobster by the time I turned off the water.

I put on my pyjamas, trying to breathe deeply and slowly. When I felt I couldn't get much calmer, I peeked out of my room. No one.

I made my way towards the kitchen, sneaking around on my tip toes. Maybe it was for the best that I didn't see anyone.

"Bray?"

Frick.

Kevin stood in the doorway, glasses on top of his head. He was wearing his work shirt still, a button-down, but he had changed into sweat pants.

"Why didn't you tell me you're going to culinary school and selling the house?"

Kevin was quiet.

"Seth told you?"

"He mentioned it. He thought you'd already told me."

Kevin put his glasses back on and ran a hand through his hair. "I kept planning on telling you, after the wedding. I kept looking for a good time, because I knew it would upset you. But something always came up."

"I'm just surprised," I said. I could feel my salty tears burning my eyeballs. "And I miss mom and dad…"

"Their memory doesn't live here," Kevin said, and I felt like he punched me in the chest. "When we move, we can make copies of the pictures for you to take to university. It's not like we have that stuff out and around, anyway. You can take some of the teapots, if you want."

I bit my tongue. We crossed our arms at the same time.

"This is a really good thing, for all of us. Annika too, and Leah."

"I didn't say it's not a good thing," I snapped.

"Okay," Kevin said. We looked at each other for a few long seconds, and then he told me to go find Seth.

"Why?"

"Just… I don't know, give him a hug or cuddle him or something. You're obviously upset."

Traitorous tears slipped quickly down my face before I could intercept them.

Kevin sighed. "C'mon Bray. Don't you remember when we were younger, how much all of this sucked? This place just reminds me of struggling. I thought I was going to lose you to foster care and I'd be homeless or something."

"Before Leah, before Seth, even when things weren't great, we were still there for each other." I said. "We were just going to work hard, and everything was going to be okay."

"It'll be like that again, sometime. When you're older," Kevin said. "I know I treated you like a sister, and now I treat you like a child, but the truth is I do have to make the decisions for us now."

"We can't go back, not after all of this." I said.

"That's a bit selfish." Kevin said.

"Probably," I said. "When are you going to put the house up for sale?"

"Soon," Kevin said. "We might spend the summer in Alaska."

"Guess I better start packing." I said.

"Don't be like that, Bray."

"Why not? If you're going to treat me like a child—"

Kevin groaned. "Alright, I'm done with this for the night. You're being too rude."

"Sure," I said. He turned and walked away, leaving me in the kitchen.

When I woke up in the morning, everything felt different, even though it looked normal. It felt like I woke up in a replica of my house. In my frustrations the night before, I had locked myself in my bedroom and started a donation box and a packing box. I probably wouldn't be able to bring more than a few suitcases to my dorm room. I didn't know how I felt about taking Carlisle and Esme's money, so I looked up how to get government loans. I logged in and accepted my offer for my first choice university, and then went to sleep.

I got up and got dressed, thinking about my conversation with Kevin. Even if he was mad with me, I was still right: we can't go back to the way things were. He had Leah to talk to about his 'complicated adult problems', and since he was older he could remember our parents a lot more clearly. We would never again have to save up money to buy pumpkins for Halloween. He would never help me with my homework by candlelight, because the utility bills were too expensive. He'd never have to come to one of my parent-teacher meetings, and I'd never google how to make instant ramen taste better, or how to clean stainless steel, or spend a weekend raking leaves until I had calluses on both hands because we couldn't buy more gas for the leaf blower. In a few months, I'd never wake up in my bed and forget that my parents were gone. I wouldn't walk into one of the closed rooms and think that I smelled my dad's cologne. I'd never hear the creak on the left part of the sixth stair and think that my mom was coming home late from a meeting.

I packed my bag with new emergency clothes for dance, and waited until the last minute to leave my room to run out to the bus.

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