"Office Aggravation"
Thursday morning.
Alex has a tension-filled breakfast. He just remembered that Lardface will be at work today monitoring him with his older brother, Mr. Deltoid. And Alex is already angry of Lardface's harassing Peggy with his dirty phone calls.
Alex doesn't burden Peggy with that, as she's been through enough with him calling her, and talking dirty to her.
At the moment, Alex is at the table feeding Little Alex Jr. his breakfast while he finishes his. As usual, when Alex drinks his tea, Alex Jr. whimpers at him: He, too, wants his Dadda's tea! Alex Jr. is on his father's lap, wearing a blue romper.
Peggy is at the table breastfeeding Auberine while having breakfast.
Being a good father, Alex gives him his tea to sip. However, whenever Alex moves his cup from the youngster, Alex Jr. tries to hold the teacup to him so he can drink all of the tea in one sitting!
Alex and Peggy laugh, amused at Alex Jr.'s cleverness! Of course, Alex doesn't let Junior drink all the tea that way. He continues to monitor his son's sipping it.
"Alex?"
Alex looks up at Peggy.
"Is it possible, maybe one day next week, if you could please go with me to the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency? I wanted to try take the 'Written Test', and, hopefully, pass it."
Alex smirks at her.
"Oh? Do you feel ready for it, Peg?"
"Mm-hm. I read the book while you were at work, and when the children were resting… before I started getting these harassing phone calls!"
"Don't upset yourself over that much, Peg. You know what to do, now… Yes, Leggy-Leggy. I'll take you next week to the DVLA. What day would you like to go there?"
"Whatever day is good for you, Alex. I can't go there by myself. It will be hard to take the test with no one to calm Lexy. And it's so far – in Swansea."
"No, Peg. Don't go alone. I'll take off… next Monday and come with you. Sounds horrorshow for ya? Righty right?"
Peggy giggles at Alex's Nadsat.
"You're so cute when you say that, Alex! Yes, that's fine. Thanks, love."
Alex gives her his smirk.
Upon leaving his flatblock, Alex sees the Secret Servicemen's limo one block away. Mr. Deltoid and Lardface stand by it. The Servicemen made sure to keep Lardface away from Alex's residence –which is a very smart decision on their part.
Alex is grateful. Yet, he is still angry as Lardface keeps harassing Peggy with his obscene phone calls to her.
Alex greets Mr. Deltoid, but not in his familiar playful manner.
"Good Morning, Mr. Deltoid, Sir."
"Ah, Alex, boy!...", Mr. Deltoid starts up.
Right now, Alex isn't focused on Mr. Deltoid's 'sing-song' sneering at him, at present. He's got an issue of bigger importance to deal with.
"Pardon me, Mr. Deltoid…", Alex politely interrupts him.
Lardface is staring defiantly at Alex in his angry blue eyes, which glint at him.
"Good Morning, Alex!", Lardface, the hypocrite, greets him.
"Don't 'Good Morning' me, you damned bastard!", Alex angrily counters."Stop with your bloody obscene phone calls to Peg! iF YOU CONTINUE TO HARASS HER, i'M GOING TO REPORT YOUR ARSE TO THE GOVERNOR! Knock it to hell off, AND LEAVE MY WIFE ALONE!"
Mr. Deltoid is surprised to hear that Lardface has been doing this to poor Peggy.
"Have you been doing that, John? Giving Mrs. Peggy obscene calls?", he asks John, who shamelessly smirks at Alex, who glares at him.
"Yes, I have been giving 'Mrs. Peggy' some 'personal' calls!", Lardface shamelessly admits. He addresses Alex: "She proudly beat me in defense of your sick, twisted arse! I've even been barred from coming to your apartment for this 'State Watch'! But, as I've turned up the heat on her, with my 'Hot Talk', she can't handle the pressure, eh, Alex?"
"YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID: LEAVE PEG ALONE, AND STOP CALLING HER WITH YOUR DIRTY TALK!", Alex angrily warns him, again.
Lardface doesn't care.
"We'll see!", he replies.
"NO! WE'RE NOT GOING TO SEE'! STOP CALLING MY WIFE! THAT'S IT!", Alex rages for the last time.
Alex storms off, away from the limousine. The Servicemen are surprised to see Alex this angry. But only when it involves John/Lardface, like the showdown between them at the Governor's Office, that morning.
Mr. Deltoid is surprised to see that Alex isn't taking a ride in the limo.
"You're not planning to take the bus, are you, Alex, boy, yes?", he asks Alex.
"Yes, Sir – I am!", Alex confirms. Then softens his tone a little, as he's speaking to Mr. Deltoid: "I've been taking the bus, Brother/Sir. Plus, I don't want to ride with your damned brother next to me!"
"I see!", Mr. Deltoid concludes.
"Was that a threat to me, Alex?", Lardface sneeringly asks Alex, calling after him. "Remember what happened at the Governor's Office between us, that morning, Alex? Do you really love and want your two kids?"
Alex, fairly distant, hears Lardface's taunting him regarding his children. Alex turns, and glares hard at Lardface. He turns around, and continues walking to the Bus Stop.
Lardface grins in triumph. He's going to have a field day pushing Alex's buttons as he takes advantage of the situation.
"Today, the ball's in my court!", he comments to his older brother, P.R. Deltoid – who reminds him not to get carried away upsetting Alex.
"Your duty, John, is to monitor Alex's behavior. Not to deliberately upset him! We have to give an accurate report of our observations!"
"Yeah, right!", John/Lardface sneers in 'mock' agreement with Mr. Deltoid.
Later at the Office:
"I'm sorry, Alex, boy, yes? I'm quite sure you've been under a great deal of pressure with this 'State Watch' – yes?"
Mr. Deltoid briefly sits near Alex's desk at his government job. He chats with Alex, who's drinking his tea while taking up some files that were placed on his desk to be filed away, later.
Alex looks at Mr. Deltoid. He's serious – but clearly disgusted as he has to deal with Lardface.
"That's all right, Brother, Sir. You're not the source of me problems, Sir!", he replies. "Your bloody brother is the one upsetting me and Peg!"
"I'll sit at this empty desk several feet behind you. You've got your ankle monitor strapped on – yes?"
"Yes, Sir."
Mr. Deltoid gives his weird feline-like smile.
"All right, Alex. Carry on with your work. Act like I'm not even here, yes?"
Alex manages a smirk at him.
Mr. Deltoid leaves Alex, and sits at an empty cubicle several feet from Alex's, where he can see him. The Secret Servicemen – 6 of them – sit spread out in some empty cubicles. They, too, can see Alex.
Mr. Quimby, Alex's boss, comes up to him with a document to be xeroxed.
"Alex, lad, if you please, make 15 copies of this document for my 10:00 meeting?"
"Yes, Sir. Coming right up, Sir!"
"And, lad, please bring them into the Conference Room when you've got them ready."
"Yes, Sir."
"Thanks, lad!"
Alex takes the document, and, gets out of his cubicle. He leaves to make the copies.
At this point, the Secret Servicemen retreat, and take a break. This is their routine once they see Alex settled down and doing his work. They'll return in a few minutes to check on him.
Mr. Deltoid momentarily leaves for a bathroom break. He finishes writing up his observations on Alex before he leaves.
A while after, Alex prepares to return to his desk. He made the copies and brought them to Mr. Quimby in the Conference Room.
Upon arriving at his desk, Alex freezes; then becomes angry.
Lardface is sprawled at Alex's desk, breakfasting on a cup of tea and a plain donut as he idly – yet, deliberately – disarranges Alex's family pictures on his desk! .
"What are you doing at my desk?", Alex angrily asks him, trying to maintain control of himself. "What in bloody hell are you touching my pictures for?"
John tries to get cute.
"I'm having some breakfast, and your desk was available…", he tells him. "What? They actually gave you a big desk? And you're just a bloody clerk, filing papers and running after your boss?"
Alex doesn't answer his question, which is totally out-of-line, and none of his business.
"Look: Sit at another desk! This is my workstation!", Alex orders him.
John smirks at him.
"¡No es problema, Alex!", he tells him wryly in Spanish. ("That's no problem, Alex!")
John gets up, leaving his half-eaten donut, its wrapper, used crumpled napkins and his empty Styrofoam cup with the teabag inside atop Alex's desk. There are donut crumbs, and tea circles from the Styrofoam cup all over Alex's desk.
Alex is not having this!
"John!"
Lardface looks back at him. He knows why he's being addressed.
"How can I help you, now?", he asks Alex.
"Kindly remove your slop off my desk!"
Lardface does so. He discerns Alex is rearranging his family pictures on his desk… when he notices one of them is missing. A very distinct one.
"Where is my wedding picture?", Alex asks, looking directly at Lardface with his cold blue glazzies.
"What wedding picture?", Lardface asks him, in turn, 'unsure'.
"Don't play with me, John! Where-is-my-wedding picture? It was right here – unbothered – in the middle of me desk!"
Lardface 'complies'. He 'ponders' for a moment. Then he leans over the side, towards Alex's desk garbage can. Alex does his extreme best to control his anger – which increases as Lardface continues to provoke him.
Lardface 'sorts' through the garbage – and 'finds' it. Alex's wedding photo glass has streaks of tea with milk on it. Alex seethes as he glares at Lardface, who's trying to stifle his laughter.
"It probably 'fell' into the garbage 'by accident', Alex!", Lardface shamelessly tells him as he presents his 'find' to Alex. "That's nice! You're posing here with 'some woman' - ?"
"Watch that! Do watch your mouth in regards to my wife!"
"Right, Alex! So wonderful you're an overprotective rape… er, husband to your victi… er…uh… 'koff!'…your wife! Silly me!"
Alex takes it from him – and seizes Lardface's wrist.
"Now, you're looking for a fight, Alex?", Lardface challenges him.
"Stay away from my desk! Keep your bloody hands off my things! And keep a bloody distance from me! You pony? Do you understand?"
"You're hurting me, you know, Alex! I'll tell the Servicemen, right now!"
"Good! Call them over! And I'll tell them why I'm hurting you! CALL THEM! You're taking advantage of this damned situation; and you're overdoing it! ENOUGH!"
"Release my bloody hand, you freaking monster!", Lardface orders him.
"Then leave me to bloody hell alone, and stop making trouble for me! – and my wife!"
Alex releases his grip on Lardface's hand.
Both men glare at one another. Lardface retreats to an unoccupied cubicle several yards away from Alex's cubicle. Alex angrily takes up his wedding picture frame, and starts to clean it off with some Kleenex tissues.
Mr. Deltoid and the Servicemen, now returning, hear the commotion in Alex's area. They all go over to him. Alex is somewhat content that they've returned.
"Alex, boy? What happened? I've never seen you this irked, before!", Mr. Deltoid asks him.
"Brother, Sir: Please skazat… er…tell your Brother, John, to stop taking advantage of this situation with me and this 'State Watch'!", Alex informs him. "He's overdoing things with me, and I'm getting tired of it! He was sitting at my desk, eating and making a mess of it! And he disarranged all my family pictures on my desk, and threw my wedding photo in the garbage! I just squeezed his bloody hand because I'm getting sick and tired of him upsetting me! So, before he comes and tells you and the Servicemen a different story, this is what just went down between us! Speak to him, Brother, Sir! Please!"
Alex storms off with his wedding photo to go clean it off thoroughly.
"Alex!", Lardface calls out to him.
"What do you want?", Alex barks.
Lardface flashes at him the backwards 'V' sign – which is a rude gesture.
Alex only glares at him hard. He then leaves to clean off his picture.
Mr. Deltoid goes over to John/Lardface.
"I want to talk to you, later", Mr. Deltoid seriously tells him.
"I know you want to defend that damned twisted bastard!", John retorts.
"We are to give an accurate account of our observations of Alex under 'State Watch'! You're truly overdoing it, John! You'd better control yourself, and stop your nonsense! I'm not playing!"
"Whatever!", John retorts, again, totally disgusted with Deltoid's warnings.
During the course of the day, Lardface keeps out of Alex's way. Alex definitely steers clear of him.
Come lunchtime: Alex doesn't leave any food or drink at his desk. He doesn't trust Lardface. Who knows what the heck he can do. Spitting in his food easily comes to Alex's mind. Lardface can also swipe his drink – juice being the closest in color – and urinate in it.
Alex takes no chances, as it is clear they don't like each other. Alex goes out of the office, and stays where he is until it is time for him to return.
Lardface still finds other ways to irk Alex.
That afternoon, Alex is putting some documents from one of Mr. Quimby's folders in chronological order. Lardface gets up to use the rest room. He takes another direction to go there, away from Alex's desk.
Mr. Deltoid sees Alex quietly working at his desk. He writes his observations:
Alex quietly working at his desk. He appears to be arranging documents from his boss' file in – I'm guessing – date order. He's calm… well, he's often calm.
Shortly after, Lardface returns from the rest room. Other coworkers pass by Alex's desk, keeping in the aisle as they pass on.
Lardface quietly passes near Alex's desk, and, calmly looking ahead, he gives the lower part of his desk a sharp little kick.
Alex gets startled, and looks up: He sees Lardface's passing form as he casually, while whistling, returns to the desk he was sitting at.
Alex glares at him. He controls himself, and resumes organizing his boss' documents.
Later on, Lardface schemes, again, to irk Alex.
He looks up at Alex's area. Mr. Quimby is speaking to him, showing him a document he needs hand-delivered to another department in the building. Alex doesn't take notice of Lardface – which is exactly what that creep wants.
Lardface rises, again, and slips away in the opposite direction. Alex, meantime, writes on an Interoffice envelope the information where the document he was handed is going to.
As Alex writes, Lardface 'stumbles' against Alex's chair - deliberately. He makes Alex mess up his writing. In addition, some of Lardface's water from his cup spills onto the Interoffice envelope.
Alex, annoyed, looks up – and sees Lardface casually passing him by, again, reading a day-old Sun tabloid he found. Lardface is 'absorbed' reading the article.
He doesn't look back at what he did to Alex, who seethes in his seat.
"Cut it out already, John!", Alex yells at him.
Several staff members turn to Alex, startled at his outburst.
Once, again, Lardface gives Alex the 'backwards Victory' sign with his hand.
Alex, fed up, starts to take up a magazine off his desk to fling it at Lardface – when some coworkers (unintentionally) walk past Lardface, getting in the way, which frustrates Alex.
Alex now cannot throw the magazine at Lardface, because he'll accidentally hit either of the coworkers walking past.
Like earlier, the Secret Servicemen and Mr. Deltoid stepped away from the area. Now, they return with Styrofoam cups of tea and/or coffee.
Lardface took advantage of that opportunity with his brother and the Servicemen out of sight to hassle Alex, once again.
Disgusted, Alex slams down the magazine on his desk. He must now retrieve a dry Interoffice envelope, and is forced to rewrite the Department information of where the document is to be hand-delivered.
Meantime, Lardface goes outside of the building for a smoke break. He's pleased with causing sufficient trouble for Alex, today.