Well, here goes everything...

Chapter 24:

Sepulture

Atem is gone. I can't believe it. My husband, the love of my life, is dead. I feel as though my beating heart has been ripped out of my chest. I can't eat; I can't sleep. All I can do is cry.

Today is the day Atem is to be buried. I don't know that I can do this. I just can't bury my husband. I stand on the balcony and cry to myself. Shadi knocks timidly before entering alone. I don't know why I was expecting, hoping rather, for Mahado to be with him. He's pretty much shut me out since Atem's death. It's like Shadi is my only friend in all this. "Your Majesty…"

I turn and face him. "Yes, Shadi?"

I'm more than a little surprised when he wraps his arms around my waist. I can't help but smile slightly. He tightens his grip as I rest my head on his shoulder. "I'm really sorry about your husband's passing, my Lady. I know how much you love him." I nod to him, glad he said 'love' and not 'loved.' I let his body heat comfort me as he rubs my back. He's being so forward. This is so unlike him.

"Shadi, I…"

He pulls my chin up so I can look into his eyes. "Yes, Majesty?"

"I…" I can't find the words. Something about his golden yellow eyes traps me in speechlessness. I blink before regaining my wits. "Call me Nefertiri, please…"

"Are you sure, Majesty?"

"Yes, yes. You're my friend. Nefertiri, please." He nods his agreement and lets me go. I turn away when the tears spring to my eyes. "Shadi…"

"Yes, M—Nefertiri?"

"I can't do this… I… I can't bury Atem. It's too hard."

He turns me around and wipes my eyes. "I know it's hard, but you have to do this. His soul won't be able to cross over if you don't. I know it hurts, but it's something you must do."

"I know," I manage as more tears come. "It… it just hurts so much."

"Shh… easy now. It's okay." I rest my head on his shoulder again. "Listen, M—Nefertiri. I know that you'll never be able to love anyone the way you loved Pharaoh Atem…"

I pull away and look up at him. "Yes…" Is he really about to say what I think he's going to say?

"But I just want you to know that I…" He looks into my eyes, as if he's trying to find the right words.

Solomon enters. I let my head fall into my hands. "Your Highness, it's time." I nod and swallow before turning to get ready. Shadi leaves me to my materials. I find the strength to make it to the river to travel to the make-shift summoning area at the mouth of the Valley of the Kings. All of Egypt has gathered here today, as well as emissaries and heads of state from all over the world. I take a deep breath as I head for my seat.

I start to cry as Mahado performs the burial ritual and the last rites. None of this is really necessary, all of the required duties have been performed, but since it is a king's funeral, no expense has been spared. I want to leave so badly. I only stay because it is my responsibility and my right as his wife. It takes absolutely everything I have to maintain my composure. The task is daunting, but I do manage. I just can't look at the people's faces, however. I can't stand to see the hurt and sorrow in their eyes. It'd hurt me to my heart. Instead, I keep my gaze on Shadi, who is out in the midst of the crowd. He doesn't seem to mind as he smiles softly.

It is my turn to speak. I slowly rise. My hands shake. My body breaks out in a cold sweat. My vision blurs. I feel dizzy and weak, but I have to do this. I take a deep breath. I look at Shadi to see him smile and nod to me. I smile softly and begin. "Citizens of Greater Egypt, honored heads of state and ambassadors, esteemed guests, we are gathered here today, to… to bury Pharaoh Atem. Atem was truly an amazing person. He lived his life with dedication and purpose. He gave Egypt everything he had. He truly loved his country and his people." I swallow as tears flood my eyes. "Not only did my husband give you his all," I choke. My voice cracks with every syllable now. I look over to my right to see Alex holding little Yujin, and with so much of their father in them, I find the strength to go on. "Atem gave me his all as well." Tears slip down my cheeks. "Atem and I loved each other so much. He's my everything, and I would give anything just to be with him again, if only for a moment." I wipe the tears from my face. "Atem often told me he was dying for me, so that made it worthwhile. And while that cannot fill the hole in our hearts, I want you to know that not only did he die for me, he died for all of you as well." I swallow. "Thank you." I take my seat.

Solomon and Mahado perform the last of the burial ritual, and I am finally able to lay my husband's body—his mummy—to rest. I was going to feast with the well-wishers just upstream from here, but it's all I can do to break bread with them. Alex runs over to me, and I take Yujin from her. "Thank you, sweetie. You were such a brave girl. Your father is so proud of you." I lean down to kiss her forehead, and she hugs my leg. We make our way back to the ferry and take our seats.

A shadow comes over me, and I look up to see Mahado standing here. "Nefertiri?"

"Yes, Mahado?"

"You did a good job just now," he says before turning and leaving. What have I done to make him treat me this way? Isn't it enough that I have to grieve my husband's death, and now the loss of our friendship, too? I shake my head and resolve to keep my peace.

Somehow I'm able to make it to the feasting table. Shadi joins me at my right. I lower my dress to feed the baby and cover my chest with a loose cloth. I look out at the table. The cooks have prepared all this wonderful food, and I can't eat any of it. I just sit and stare as everyone else feasts and wishes me well. Shadi, who has been staring at me the whole time, takes this respite from the conversation to plead his case. "M—Nefertiri. I'm sorry, it's going to take some getting used to. But are you all right? You're not eating anything." All I can do is stare at him, tears flooding my eyes. His face softens. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I wait for everyone to finish eating and then release them. I ride back to Thebes and make my way to the throne room to attend my duties. Shadi tries to convince me to rest, but I vehemently refuse. He finally relents to joining me so he can keep an eye on me.

I sit here for a long time, just watching the baby on my lap. I sigh heavily. I only wish Atem were here. He would find something to say or do to make me laugh. I miss him so much. It's all I can do to control the urge to cry. I have to stay strong. For my people, and for myself. For Atem as well; I know he wouldn't want me to give up. He'd want me to keep fighting. For Alex, for Yujin, and for this kingdom. A guard snaps me out of my trance. I hear Shadi let loose a soft chuckle. "Your Majesty, a woman is here with some gifts for you. I've already checked them." They are taking no chances since I am the only one left in the Dynasty to rule. "It's—"

"Please, don't. Let her surprise me."

"As you wish, Lady."

He opens the door, and a heavy-set woman with tousled brown hair enters. She is rather pretty, but she keeps her eyes to the floor, almost refusing to look at me. I blink. I mean, I know I'm not the prettiest woman to look at, and it's only gotten worse since Atem died, but it can't be THAT bad, can it? I decide to address the matter. "Sweetheart, please. I know I'm not what most people would consider classically beautiful, but—"

She looks up, and I'm finally able to see her beautiful brown eyes. "You're beautiful, my Queen. But I was taught that commoners are not worthy to look at your most graceful form."

I try not to laugh. "Seriously? You're joking. There's no need to stand on ceremony with me. I was born a servant."

"My apologies."

"Don't worry about it. What brings you here today?"

She smiles slightly and approaches me. "My Queen, I bring you gifts upon the Pharaoh's passing. May I?"

I nod. "Of course."

She comes closer to the throne. "My husband, a goldsmith made you this." She holds up her hand to reveal a solid gold armband in the shape of a snake, with two gorgeous sapphires adorning its head for eyes.

I blink, and my jaw drops. This is the most beautiful piece of jewelry, other than my wedding rings of course, that I've ever seen! "This is so beautiful. I'm not worth—"

"Please, my Queen. Do take it. My husband made it just for you, and I made you this." She hands me a small pillow, the softest thing I have ever felt. It is beautiful, covered in pure silk, with stitches of a scene where the moon shines brightly over the sea.

I can't believe it. I can't believe this poor couple took the time and energy to make these for me. "I don't know what to say. I…" I swallow. "I'm touched."

She smiles gently. "Queen Nefertiri, if I may say so, I don't know how you do it." I blink. "I mean, if my husband were to…" she chokes, and I blink back my own tears. "If something were to happen to him, I don't know that I could go on living, let alone take care of a newborn, raise a small child, and rule an empire such as Egypt." Tears flood my eyes. "You are truly a strong woman."

I grab her and pull her into a tight embrace. I finally let go and cry on her shoulder. My whole body shakes from crying so hard. She can't know how much her words mean to me. She timidly returns the embrace. When she lets go, I tell her that I want her and her husband on staff—her to sew more precious linens and him to craft more amazing jewelry.

I manage to have a quiet dinner alone. Alex and Yujin are already asleep since it's so late. I almost don't know what to do with this time. I feel like I should be planning meetings or writing laws, issuing decrees. Something, anything to get my mind off this loneliness. I rise from the table and start to walk out of the palace. I'm a little surprised when Shadi emerges from one of the hallways. I thought he would be asleep by now. "Shadi, I… hi. Are you okay?"

"Yes of course. Why do you ask?"

"I just thought you'd be asleep is all."

"I don't sleep much. Where are you off to?"

"I'm just taking a walk. I thought some fresh air would be good."

He steps just a little closer. "Would you like some company?"

I give him the first genuine smile I've been able to manage all day. "I'd like that." He leads me out of the palace, further out to the river, and then out to the far banks. It's only here, once we're truly alone, that I feel comfortable. Not even a guard is within earshot. I take his hand in mine, and we walk along the riverside. It takes me a while, but I finally come up with the right words. "Shadi, I… I can't thank you enough for your friendship through all this. I don't know that I'd have survived any of it without you."

He steps in front of me and holds me close to him. "It means a lot to hear you say that, Satiah."

"Satiah?"

"It means 'beautiful one.' I couldn't think of a more fitting title." He pulls me closer still, and our bodies meet. I bite my lower lip as I feel my body melt against his. My breathing shallows when I take in his body heat. His touch is soft, tender, and comforting. I dare say I feel like I could spend forever in his arms. I breathe in his scent as my hands land on his chest. I look up in his eyes and can tell what's in his heart. He just has to say it. "There's something I meant to tell you earlier today. It's actually something that I've been trying to say for a while now."

"What is it, Shadi? Is everything okay?"

He nods down at me. "I feel like I was drawn to you the very first moment I saw you. There was—there is—just something about you that pulls me in. I try to quantify it, but there are no words. You're sweet, and funny, and wise, and courageous. You're honest, and faithful, and compassionate, and gentle. You're just so beautiful." He rests his forehead against mine for a moment before looking back down at me to continue. "I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I love you. I've been in love with you for years… I know it's not what you need to hear right now, but I can't stand for another second to go by without telling you. I just hope you can forgive me. I'll understand if you want a new healer—"

I put my finger to his lips, and before he can protest, I lean in to kiss him softly. His kiss is timid at first, but I can slowly feel his passion increasing. He brings me to him closer still as I wrap my arms around his neck. When our lips finally do part, I know I don't need to say a word. He can see it in my eyes. He takes my hand in his and leads me back to the palace. Our walk is quiet. The silence says everything our words cannot.

We reach my room, and I try to find the proper goodbye given what just happened. "I, um… I…"

"Sweet dreams, Satiah. Until tomorrow." He kisses my cheek softly before turning and walking away. I manage to make it into my room before sliding down my wall and to the floor. I can't believe it. The man actually has me weak in the knees. More than that, I'm shivering. He seriously has me shivering, from just one kiss!

I find the strength to get up and walk across the room before falling on my bed. I look up at the ceiling. "Is this for real?" I ask the carvings. I turn over to look out at the river. "I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for him, too, but… I don't want to rush into anything. Then again I don't want to wait too long and give him the wrong impression, either. I just wish I knew what to do." I sigh heavily. "I wish Atem could give me a sign." It was almost like he was waiting for just that cue. I close my eyes, and I feel his presence here with me. It's like my mind is naturally drawn to Shadi again, our kiss still fresh on my lips. I feel a warmth in my heart that I know can only be Atem's blessing. I turn back over and smile up at the ceiling.

"… I love him." Oh, that feels so good to say. Even still, I have to be careful. Atem's memory is still fresh in all our hearts, and I can't move forward too quickly romantically. Now more than ever I need to stay in my kingdom's good graces. More than that, I know that the Council of Domestic Affairs, led by none other than that filthy snake Ahmenhotep, is actively looking for any reason to usurp me as sovereign, and I've no intention of leaving my throne.

And yet with all the negativity I'm feeling right now, tonight still lingers in my head. The comfort of my hand in his. The sensation of his body against mine. The feel of his arms around my waist. It's impossible to stay upset with Shadi on my mind like this. Naturally I start to think of the possibilities. With him as my companion, I feel like I could do almost anything. I feel like the world could bring a whole new peace to Egypt. But more than that, I feel like he could bring me the peace I've been so actively seeking since Atem's death. Just being near him brings me a comfort unmatched by any other.

I can feel my heart instinctively moving towards the thought of marriage. I could know him in ways that are just now possible. He could touch me in ways that only Atem knew how. He could be my friend, my advisor, my confidant, my lover, and we wouldn't have to feel any shame or worry about what anyone thought. We'd be free to live however we wanted. At this I start to fall asleep, with the prospects fresh on my mind, and Shadi haunting my dreams.

I feel like this chapter almost wrote itself! That's only happened a few times. But I did feel like this one was a bit rushed. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!

Dead Reckoning.