"I'm not-a pleased," said Doc, opening yet another chapter. An enormous pink flower sprouted from the roots of Nick's hair, drooping with its own weight. He tapped his pencil eraser on his lip and surveyed the Smash Bros. troublemaker who was kicking her feet impatiently against the examination table.

"Look, it's not even my fault this time!" she protested. "Jigglypuff just got a little excited!"

"Puff!" said the pink puffball, standing a foot and a half tall beside the table.

"Now can you please hurry? I'm in the target tournament with Villager and Ike could be getting us disqualified any minute now! Just rip it out of my head or something!"

"No," said Doc. "You a-want to come to mia clinic and get-a checkup we're a-gonna do this-a de right way. I'm-a taking your blood pressure." He grabbed the cuff from a hook off the wall and fastened it around her left arm.

"Jiggs, go after Vil and see if he's doing okay," Name whispered. "I'm worried about Ike." Jigglypuff gave a jiggly salute and held her breath to float out of the room.

On the opposite wall, Shulk was in the hospital bed fidgeting with a Rubik's cube. Scattered around on the floor were colorful tactical puzzles which had all been completed and discarded. Name recognized these as items from Shy Guy's Toy Box, an underwhelming amusement ensemble donated by Bowser to bring cheer to the children recovering in the clinic. Lucina, the nurse on duty on Thursdays, came out in powder blue scrubs a size too large, carrying a wooden slide puzzle which she deposited onto Shulk's lap and a notebook in the other hand.

Shulk grabbed his reading glasses from a side table and motioned for the notebook, looking over the most recently finished page while Lucina fidgeted.

"Well?" she said anxiously.

"I'm gonna be honest here," Shulk replied. "This is the worst thing I have ever read."

"B-But it came from the heart!" wailed the princess.

"You wanted my criticism, now I'm really dealing it," said Shulk. "The meter's all off here in the fourth line, and you gave up the rhyme scheme halfway through the second stanza." Lucina pulled her hair, looking over his shoulder as he pointed out each flaw.

"'Chiaroscuro' is my new word for the week and I couldn't find a synonym with less syllables," she squealed. "And the second stanza is symbolic of the way I'm falling apart on the inside."

Oh, poetry, Name thought, wincing a little from the vicarious shame that came with Lucina's presence. sPittoon detested any form of poetry that wasn't free verse.

"Don't-a fidget so much," said the Doctor, taking a look at the wall measure. "130 over-a 79. That's-a not so good. We're gonna have to get-a you de pill."

"Or you could just deflower me already," said Nick without thinking.

"Name!" said Dr. Mario, whose face flushed. "I'm-a married to Peach! And I'll-a have you know we take-a the sexual harassment very seriously at-a the clinic." He strode away to the back room after waggling an admonishing finger.

"... And then back in the seventh grade I got a giant zit the day before class picture day," Lucina was rambling while Shulk read the poem again. "So I guess you could say it's an exploration of my role as a woman."

Shulk set down his glasses and grinned at her. "Don't worry about it. I'll fix this up in the lab."

"You're going to fix my poetry in your lab?" said Lucina.

"With modern technology anything's possible," said Shulk, returning his attention to the cube.

After some rummaging the Doctor returned holding a giant blue and red pill in his hand and a pink pamphlet which he gave to Nick. No Means No! (For Girls) read the front flap in curly writing. She thumbed through it and glimpsed several uterus diagrams, a happy woman eating salad, and instructions on inserting a tampon.

"What the hell is this?" asked Name.

"It's our new-a pamphlet on appropriate sexual peer-2-teen choice-a behaviors," Dr. Mario responded. "I'm-a writing you a prescription to make-a sure the flowers don't-a come back. You'll need to-a take it twice once a day for-a two weeks." He handed her a slip.

"That's not another suppository, is it?" Name gestured to the giant capsule.

"No, that-a one you-a take-a by mouth. Would you like me to-a put it in-a some applesauce?"

Name batted her eyelashes. "Will you feed it to me?" she said with a twinkle.

"Get out of-a mia clinic."