Ok... I know a lot of you are mad at me for the ending of last chapter... and I'll admit that I'm not happy with it either. It sucks. But it works for a few points later on in the story so just hold tight for a bit. Nothing bad lasts very long in this story, now does it? And her addiction too will come to pass.
Thank you to mormongirl33, Miss-Understood (Awesome! I'm so glad you like it. :) And thanks for reviewing.), Guest (I loved the idea of them cliffdiving too. Yes, yes, yes. It was such a fun chapter to write. Give it a few chapters. Thanks for reviewing again. :) ), and mangesboy01 for reviewing. And for the people who voted in the poll. And for the favorites and follows or just sticking around and reading. And (this is the last one) thank you for the private messages, they mean just as much to me.
And I'm sorry for the late post. I got super busy yesterday and just couldn't find the time to get on here.
A smile tugs at my face as I watch his sleeping form. I can't believe that he's here with me again. Even though it'd only been a couple weeks, it felt like an eternity without him. My mind can't comprehend just how attached I've become to him in the last few months, how huge a part of my life he's become.
I guess it could be said about Finnick as well, but there's something more to what Cato and I have. It runs much deeper than the friendly, brotherly love I have for Finnick. I can see a future for the two of us if everything goes well. Of course, that all hinges on the Rebellion.
Gently, I brush some hair off of his forehead, bending down and placing a kiss there before getting off the bed and wandering over to the window. Sleep hasn't been my friend tonight, even though I took my pills earlier.
Cato doesn't know I'm still taking two of them at a time. He foolishly assumed the only ones I had were in the bottle on top of the cabinet in the bathroom- ones he divided and hid in trios around my house before he left, taking half of them with him. He'd forgotten about the basement though, something I've been eternally grateful for. I don't think I could have survived without the ones I hid.
Outside, the landscape is speeding away, the moonlight casting an eerie glow over the blurry trees. I wonder who lives out there, if anyone, if there are any animals lurking about. It seems so different from everywhere else I've been. Even in the mountains around 2 the forest wasn't this thick.
Does this mean we're near District 7?
I shake my head, knowing better. District 7 is on the other side of the country, hidden in tall redwood forests. We're barreling towards our first stop on the Victory Tour, District 12.
My forehead rests against the cool glass as my eyes slide shut. I'd give anything to skip this stop. I want nothing to do with this District. I know they hate me and want the same. I killed both of their tributes the one time in almost twenty-five years that they'd actually stood a chance of winning. Their hope was destroyed when my trident slid through Katniss, just like President Snow wanted. In their eyes, I'm a monster.
I collapse into the chair by the window, my head falling into my hands as I eye my feet.
It all just feels like it's too much sometimes. Even with Finnick and Cato here to help me along, it just seems like too much. I need a mother at times like this, I realize, but even my surrogate mother's been taken from me. Mags had a heart attack a couple days ago. She's barely begun recovery, but the doctors say she won't be the same once she's better. Finnick's been a mess over it. She's a second mother for him too and the thought of her hurt is just about more than he can cope with. Then you throw in this mess they call a Victory Tour and it's honestly a miracle we made it on the train. The only thing keeping us going is knowing that she'll be ok and that we'll be ok. That everything will be ok in the end.
Cato lets out a groan and my eyes flit to his face. I'm not sure if he's aware, but he has nightmares. I tried asking him about them once while he was staying with me in 4, but he denied it. He doesn't want to admit that the Games got to him too. As someone from 2, it wasn't supposed to have any effect on him, just something he'd spent his whole life training for, just one explosive month in a life full of intensity.
He lets out another groan, twisting a bit on the bed, and I wander over to him, stroking his brow and whispering softly to him.
"It's alright. It's over. We won."
His eyes open suddenly, the blue blurry with sleep. "Babe," he murmurs, pulling me down into his arms and kissing the top of my head, "what're you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep," I reply, snuggling into his side.
"Tomorrow'll be ok, don't worry about it."
Everything's falling apart here in 12, the building behind me looks as though it might collapse in on itself at any moment. The feeling of disuse clings to it, only accentuated by the broken windows, the chipped stones on the corners of the building, and the cracked staircase. The buildings surrounding the Justice Building are just as bad, sagging roofs and peeling paint.
My eyes wander over the crowd as Cato gives his speech. They're falling apart too. All of them seem malnourished and look as though their souls have been crushed.
I can't really focus on them though. I can't focus on anything, not until my eyes land on a little girl in the crowd. She looks to be about the same age as the twins, her hair tied back in little, black pigtails. Her gray eyes are flickering around the stage as shivers wrack her tiny body. She doesn't have a coat, just a ratty old dress and a holey blanket wrapped around her.
I march forward, off the stage, ignoring the hisses from Finnick and Ophelia to get back to where I was. All eyes are on me, but I don't care. I don't care that I'm interrupting or breaking tradition. That poor girl's going to get sick if she doesn't have a coat.
When I get closer, she looks up at me with wide eyes and grasps at what can only be her older brother's hand. My heart literally sinks into the soles of my shoes. Even this little girl thinks I'm a monster.
"It's ok," I say softly, as I tug the warm, black coat off of my shoulders. It's a struggle to keep my face neutral when the wind nips at me through the comparatively thinner shirt I have on. "You looked cold."
The girl simply stares at the coat then at me then at the coat again.
"I promise it won't bite."
She gives a little giggle and takes a step forward.
I toss the coat over her shoulders and button it up with my mittened hands. "There. Better?"
She nods and a small smile lights up her face.
"I'm Nicci. Who're you?"
"Posy," she says softly.
"It's very nice to meet you. Stay warm, love." I cup her cheek and flash her a small smile before going to rejoin the others on stage, but there's a thump as Posy hugs me about the legs. She gives a quick, muffled "thank you" while I stare in stunned amazement down at her, then hurries back to her family. I give a small wave and walk back up to see Finnick shaking his head, a small smile tugging at his lips.
Cato steps away from the podium and motions for me to step up. Apparently I missed his entire speech. As I pass him, he places his coat over my shoulders before stepping back to stand between Finnick and Brutus. I try to take it off and hand it back to him, but he sends me a look with narrowed eyes and I tug the coat on.
The crowd terrifies me. I forget the speech I had prepared as I look at Katniss and Peeta's families. I can see the young girl who was Katniss' little sister. Prim, the girl who's mockingjay pendant I have tucked into my glove at my wrist. It's because of her that I manage to find some of the right words.
"I know that words will never make up for what you've lost, especially words coming from me. I know that many of you hate me and wish that Katniss and Peeta were standing here instead of me." I nibble my bottom lip for a moment. "I wish I could change that." My eyes meet Prim's and tears come forward, feeling like ice in the freezing wind. "But I can't.
"Katniss was one of the most incredibly talented Tributes that I think has ever walked into an Arena. She was smart and determined and spectacularly good with a bow. With someone like her there, it was a miracle any of us lasted a day." There are faint smiles on some people's face now. "And it was so obvious that she cared about her family." Tears are now flowing down Prim's cheeks so I turn to Peeta's family, at his angry looking mother and defeated father. "Caring is the word I would use to describe Peeta too. He cared about Katniss and I really feel like he cared about staying true to himself, despite being in the Arena. He was strong and we could all take a page out of his book.
"I'm so sorry for everything that you've lost. I hope that someday I can make it up to you."
A loud sob echoes through the microphone speakers when Katniss' little sister holds up her three interior fingers in the same gesture the people in the square did the day she Volunteered.
An hour later, we're in the rickety Justice Building preparing for dinner with the Mayor and his family. It's too cold here to have it outside with the rest of the town and too precarious here in this building, it makes awful noises and I swear it moves some when the wind blows too hard.
However, I'm not alone now and I'm not getting ready for the party.
I'm talking with Primrose Everdeen.
Or, more accurately, we're sitting in the same room staring at each other.
"I just- I- it was-" This is my third attempt at speaking to her and I'm feeling more embarrassed with each failure. My head rests in my hands as I stare down at the floor. "I don't know what to say. I had a million different conversations in my head this morning and none of them work now that you're here in front of me."
My eyes land on the pin on the vanity a few feet away and I march over to it before kneeling in front of Prim, the piece of jewelry in my hand. "She wanted you to have this."
She lets out a little sob when I set the pin in her hand, nodding as her eyes close. Instinctively, my arms wrap around her and I hold her close, whispering softly in her ear. She hugs me back, her thin body holding onto me tightly, like I'm her lifeline in all this. It's impossible not to join her, tears sliding silently down my face.
When she's done, I wipe away both our tears and take her two hands in one of mine. "I know it won't make up for anything," I say, reaching into my pocket for the bag I'd tucked away earlier, "but I want you to have this. It isn't much, I know, but even that's a lot more than most people have. I knew you'd need it after-" my voice catches and I wave my hand and the words away. "Please take it and take care of your family."
Her eyes widen as she opens the bag and sees the gold coins inside. "I can't take this. You don't-"
I shake my head. "It isn't because I feel like I owe you or I have to. It's because I want to help and this is all I can manage to do at the moment." My eyes wander over to the window, watching the snow swirl down to the ground. "Change is coming though. Keep your chin up."
There's a knock on the door and I open it to see Finnick grinning at me. "Mrs. Everdeen's here for Prim."
The young girl walks over and gives me a hug. "Thank you for this and for what you did for Posy earlier."
I nod. "Goodbye, Prim. Take care of yourself."
She scurries off down the hall, the back of her shirt untucked so it looks like a little duck tail. I smile and lean against Finnick.
"She's a good kid."
Finnick nods. "Galatea's eager to get you ready for the dinner, you know. She's afraid she won't be able to after all the time you spent with little Everdeen."
"It'll be alright, I'm sure. Where is she?"
The Districts pass in a blur until we get to District 5. Cato and I give speeches with stricter and stricter orders from the Capitol about what we're allowed to say and now Peacekeepers stand between us and the crowd so I can't have contact with anyone. At least not televised contact. After we go back inside of the District's Justice Building, we're allowed to talk with the families if we'd like. I spoke briefly with the girl from 7's family upon their request; her name had been Ivy and she was the only daughter in a family of boys. I cried with her mother for an hour, telling her what I'd told District 12- if there had been a way, I would have gladly shared the stage with her.
Now, I stand before the home District of my dead ally, a simple black dress and a light jacket wrapped tight around me. Galatea had had a soft, silver dress picked out, but I insisted on the black. Like her family, I still miss Finch and I still admire her. It doesn't matter to me what she planned on doing, I know it was her only way to try to survive. I'd have done the same and I respect that.
The crowd stares at me expectantly, but I ignore them, focusing in on the two redheaded women that sit holding each other. They both have the golden-brown eyes that Finch did; it's so obvious that they're all related. Even if they hadn't been placed front and center, I'd have known them.
My speech is short and punctured with pauses where I try to regain control over my voice and make the right words come together, but it doesn't work and eventually Finnick just pulls me off of the podium, muttering a quick apology before dragging me back into the Justice Building.
Almost instantly, Cato's beside me, holding me close. He's become as much my rock in all this as Finnick. How I ever could have doubted that he cared about me is a complete and utter mystery now. Words and oftentimes actions aren't his thing, but when I really need him, he's right beside me, supporting me. I'm not sure I could have handled any of this without him.
He rubs my back and doesn't pull away when my tears soak through his shirt; he just pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head telling me it's almost over. We've hit the halfway mark. It's nearly done.
When he stops I look up to see him staring at someone, I follow his eyes and see Finch's mother. Her eyes are red and I know she's just barely managing not to cry. Especially since she keeps wringing her hands together, waiting for her chance to come forward and talk to me.
I go to her, meeting her halfway and holding her up when she collapses against me in a fit of sobs that shake her incredibly thin body. Eventually, we sink to the floor with tears rolling down our faces and me murmuring apologies to her in an attempt to console her and make up for what happened.
Sparrow, Finch's little sister, joins us too at some point, nestling between us as sobs shake her slender body.
It seems like everyone is a mess.
Districts 3 and 1 pass in a blur for me. I didn't have any contact with either of them, but Cato seems to struggle with saying good-bye in District 1. Even though they didn't particularly act like it, he and Marvel had become friends in the Arena. Marvel shared his passion for Victory and would have made a worthy adversary in the end, he says, but his voice lacks the conviction he faked in the other districts. Just like me, he's tired and ready to be home. This Tour has taken a toll on all of us, but the end is in sight.