Read the note at the bottom, please. It's very important.
"Uzumaki Naruto…! Is Uzumaki Naruto here?!"
Yukinoshita nearly drops the tea leaves she has been scaling, Yui almost drops her pen and I am pretty sure I just accidentally clicked the delete option with my mouse to a very important document that is needed ASAP by the people in the publishing company.
Naturally, all of our eyes are immediately drawn towards the source of this disturbance; the so called pebble that fell into the pond. Regardless of our miniscule differences in reaction time, it doesn't take long for all of us to realize that a person is standing under the door frame with her eyes locked onto me as if they're a fighter jet's complicated missile guidance system.
Another thing that we all notice is the look of pure worry and anguish on her face. The moment I see her face, something sinks into me; like a black hole forming in on itself.
"Excuse me, may I help you?" Yukinoshita looks like she's annoyed. I'll be honest, I don't really see her making that type of face often these days.
Ayano's gaze is switched to Yukinoshita's. "I-I'm sorry, but I really, really need Uzumaki-san for this." In a split second, her eyes are back at me; screaming for me to comply with her.
"I'm sorry, but we are in the middle of club activities right now." Yup, you can tell from her voice. She's annoyed. Yukinoshita sends Ayano a glare that can normally freeze up… anyone in general, heck.
"A-Ayano-cchi?" Yui stands up from her chair, the sound of the metal legs dragging along the surface of the room's floor tiles causes me to wince visibly. "What's wrong, you look like you ran all the way here from the other side of the school or something."
...I won't be surprised if that's true.
"H-Hi Yui." The glasses wearing girl greets Yui with labored breath, further proving Yui's unintentional theory. "A-Anyway, I need Uzumaki-san to come with me, i-it's important!"
This prompts me to stand up.
Although I know more or less how things are going to turn from this point, I make sure to make myself look as clueless as possible.
"What about me?" I asked, completely disinterested in my usual nonchalant tone. "Is a teacher looking for me? Don't tell me it's Hiratsuka-sensei again."
"Wait, again? Maki, have you been teasing her again?"
"Noooooo~ you're just assuming things, Yu-"
"Please! Just come with me already!"
I'll… admit, I jumped a little. Yui too, actually. Ayano is looking at me with triple the amount of worry and anguish she already has, in fact, it looks like she's about to unreasonably combust in an uncharacteristic outburst of some sort. Why do I know it's uncharacteristic? Well, it's because Yui's surprised too. Well, she might've just 'burst out' so to speak, but it feels like it's just the tip of the iceberg of what might just happen.
"L-Look." She breathes in one last time, finally getting her breathing in check. "I don't have time for jokes. I need you to come with me immediately, Uzumaki-san."
My face forms a natural mask of indifference, but still showing that slight hint of attempt on assumption. "...alright." Yukinoshita gives me a look of confusion, she must be wondering why I'm complying easily.
"It's probably urgent. I'll head back as soon as I'm done."
It takes a while before Yukinoshita responds, but with the slight smile she's showing me, I think it's safe to say that she trusts me with my decision. "Alright then. In the meantime, Yuigahama-san and I will discuss more about Isshiki-san's situation. Speaking of which, we'll have to discuss about this with Shiromeguri-senpai too."
I walked towards the door, waving my hand while Ayano-san follows in suit. "Yeah, why don't you go over to the student council room and book an appointment for us," turning back, I grinned cheekily, "try to make it sometime next week if that's possible, my editor's been really unfair to me these past few days."
I gave them one last wave before excusing myself from the club room. The hallway is as quiet as it is usually during after school time. In fact, it made me think why Ayano-san is still here in the first place. I was about to start a conversation, preferably to confirm if the reason she is calling me out here has something to do with Sagami but she beats me to the punch.
"I… don't know what's really going on with you and Sagami-chan, Uzumaki-san, but you must know that she's passed out in the clinic right now."
It took me a lot of self control to keep on walking and not stop dead on my tracks, although I was now walking several paces slower than her.
It also took me awhile before I could respond to her revelation. But when I finally managed to speak, my voice came out hoarse.
"What?"
"Sagami-chan fainted. Passed out. She became unconscious just like that," she snaps her fingers, the resounding snapping sound it makes synchronizes with the guilt that clanked with my heart, "and it didn't take me long enough to figure out that you're somehow connected to this."
"Look here, I know that our first meeting wasn't one that people would normally consider normal but… what makes you think I'm responsible for this anyway?"
I can see her balling her palms into fists even as she walks, looks like she's doing a better job at restraining herself than I normally would compulsively.
"Please don't play around with me, Uzumaki-san… I know that you know something about Sagami-chan's… condition." She lets out a heavy sigh that masks her anger. "In fact, I don't know if I can call it a condition in the first place because the last time I checked, my friend is not prone to faint or pass out at the mention of a blonde haired boy's name."
Though she isn't screaming, her frustration is clearly evident. I had to choose my words carefully, as letting things play out on their own isn't going to be an option that I could choose anymore. Sagami was a mistake. My mistake and it's finally lead me to this dilemma, one that has managed to rope up another individual who could have nothing to do with this situation if only I was careful enough from the beginning.
She abruptly stops walking, prompting me to do the same. Although it looks counterproductive since she is so insistent on hurrying, her delay of our walk is justified.
She sends me a look which is a mixture of both a glare and desperateness. "I don't care if Sagami-chan's in love with you… but if you've hurt her in any way then I'll…"
I looked at her and I couldn't help but feel… sorry?
Wait, sorry?
Yes… sorry… I pity her, yes, I actually do feel sorry for her.
But at the same time, I'm beginning to respect her.
Anyone from our class who has their ears and eyes open every lunchtime is smart enough to know that Sagami, and her group, isn't the most friendly set of people in this school. In fact, last I checked, their reputation says the opposite. I may not know why Ayano-san is willing to be grouped in the same category as them - since I'm a hundred percent sure she's not like Sagami at all - but regardless of the reason, she's put herself in a position that people would normally consider bothersome or just plain annoying.
It takes a lot of patience and heart to do that… believe me, I know a boy who was just like that too.
I feel sorry for her because she's involved in this situation, a situation that might force me to take even more drastic actions… but I respect her solidarity.
For sticking true to her friend.
For being a human being that is a step above the rest.
So, out of respect for her, I decided to be frank.
I let out a sigh.
She looks at me from her turmoiled state, fists shivering in both suppressed irritation and fear over the man that might have something to do with her friend's current incapacitated state. Her eyes meet mine and we clash. Right here on the hallway, my resolve of wanting to stay confidential and uphold my secretive nature and her own persistence over the concern of her friend clashed.
It might look like we stare into each other's eyes for a few seconds, sharing no words, but heated looks from her part and uncaring indifference from my part… but trust me, we're battling a war at a personal scale.
Just as she's trying to find answers regarding the cause of her friend's current fate, I am too trying to find something within hers. Her resolve is definitely there. The fire in her eyes clearly says it all, even if she looks like she's at the verge of breaking down. Even against someone who can potentially hurt her without any effort at all, she still dares to stand up and look at him in the eyes.
Let me tell you; it doesn't hit close to home any more than that.
I closed my eyes.
…
I lost.
Her resolve has been tested, and she managed.
Perhaps it isn't an answer I was looking out of her… perhaps I've been looking for a reminder.
"Tell me Ayano-san… do you believe in magic?"
"...I told you before Uzumaki-san, I don't appreciate the humor you're making at this mome-"
"Just a question, Ayano-san. Entertain me."
I… do not know why is he asking me this.
"...well, obviously, no… but those performers we see on the television do make things look convincing." I pause. Wondering out loud, "Why are you asking me this question?"
My answer wasn't quickly answered. I suspected he's attempting to think of a plausible answer that will leave me still completely clueless in this pit of maze I'm stuck in… but color me surprise.
We are overlooking Sagami-chan's unconscious body - and I'm saying that with the least amount of remorse as I could - in the infirmary. The school nurse let us in, also asking us to watch over the place since she has to do report the situation to the faculty member. Understandable, I say.
Uzumaki-san is standing on the front edge of Sagami-chan's bed, back slightly hunched over and hands in his pocket looking as disinterested as ever. I saw his eyes and I couldn't quite understand why he's not panicked or worried in the slightest bit.
He doesn't answer me immediately, but he what he does do is to bend over slightly, right hand reaching for my sleeping friend.
Multiple alarms went off in my head. The surprise I had earlier transformed into suspicious hostility.
Slap. The sound of my palm swatting his hand off of Sagami-chan's body could've been heard by the school nurse if she's here, but thankfully that's not the case.
My eyes were fixed on him, on his very form; his hands mostly.
"What are you-" I hissed.
Again, he interrupts me before I could even finish what I was about to say. The hand I swatted away earlier is now used to perform the 'shushing' gesture, and of course, it's meant for me. He actually has the audacity to scold me, looking like he's some sort of school librarian and I'm the perp guilty of being too loud in the garden of words.
I didn't know why I did nothing else and let him continue what he's about to do. He reaches forward, arm reaching out to touch Sagami-chan. I saw the shadow of his hand looming over Sagami-chan's form, ascending further up her unmoving body, enveloping the darkened creases of the folds on her uniform.
The moment his shadow of his hand begins to reach Sagami-chan's torso area, my body tenses, as if it's ready to spring at any given moment. I swore my heart's going to burst out of my chest with how fast it's beating. His hand does not stop there, it advancecs further, up to her face, across her lips and nose; never touching.
Then, he stops on her forehead. At that moment, I'd calmed down, but I was still looking at him with tenseness in my muscle. Why are you taking a long time to call the teachers here, nurse-san?
He slowly descends his palm, latching it softly on Sagami-chan's forehead. He closes his eyes, and I was still staring at him, waiting and wondering what he's about to do now. Then, I blinked.
W-What?
A-Are my eyes playing tricks on me?
I'm… I'm not hallucinating aren't I? Hey, I'm not seeing things… right?
I subtly pinched myself on the back of my own palm, and I felt pain. That confirms it. I was not dreaming. I'm conscious right now.
I'm currently seeing Uzumaki-san's hand glowing as he's touching… Sagami-chan's forehead…
"W-What…?"
To further emphasize the timing, he opens his eyes just right after I uttered my confusion to what I was seeing.
"Well… that's no magic but it's enough to tell us that she's fine." Uzumaki-san suddenly says.
I gave him a long look that must have exposes my worry. He looks at me briefly, giving me a somewhat reassuring glance.
"She's fine. Nothing too serious." I watched him retract his hand back, the soft minty green flow gingerly flickers off to inexistence. "She should be awake in the next thirty minutes or so… but that won't be enough time for me to explain things to you."
I was about to ask, inquire, interrogate him… but then we both hear the sound of footsteps coming from down the hall. They sound hurried.
"Tch…" He clicks his tongue in irritation. "Well… might as well spill it."
I saw him raise his right hand to his chest, bending it so that he could have his forearm directly in front him. He curls three of his fingers, leaving only the pointer and middle finger raised. Then, he utters a word I wasn't familiar with.
Wait… huh? Why am I…?
I felt… weird. It's as if my consciousness had just been shut off for a split second and then rebooted back up like a desktop computer. I felt an arm breaking my fall caused by my drowsiness. I couldn't see things clearly, my head felt like a mess.
"Hey now… take it easy." I-Is that Uzumaki-san? "It's going to be uncomfortable for you since this is the first time you've experienced this… and please don't take what I said out of context."
I neither had the strength nor energy to retort his words. He slowly helps me to sit upright, letting me lean on the chair's backrest. Slowly, I gradually feel that I have more reign over my senses, it's similar to how I'd feel after waking up from a six hour power nap. I blinked multiple times, trying to get the blurriness off my vision.
When I finally came to, I noticed three things. The first thing being Uzumaki-san having pulled a chair of his own to sit on the other side of the bed directly opposite to my own position, the second being Sagami-chan still unconscious on the bed and the third, it's what made me snap out of my trance even quicker.
"T-The door! W-Where's the door!"
I heard laughing, and it came from none other than Uzumaki-san himself. Why are you laughing, Uzumaki-san?!
"Why are you laughing, Uzumaki-san?!" I actually shouted that out loud. I then realized what I just did. "W-What's going on, where's the door?" I asked in a much lower, but nevertheless worried tone.
He stops his laughter, letting it fade while wiping a stray tear that has leaked out from the corner of his eye.
"Sorry for laughing… this is my first time voluntarily letting a normal person see me use a jutsu in a long time."
Jutsu? What's that? Speak in Japanese, please?!
"Judging from the confusion plastered across your face… well, you know what? I don't blame you. I knew that I would have to do a shit ton of explaining once I decided to go through with this, so don't worry, I'll explain things in the simplest way possible."
He doesn't even wait for my reply. And he still hasn't answered my question; where's the freaking door?! And why is light isn't passing through the windows?! Where in the hell are we?!
I have so much questions that needed answering and my source of getting those questions answered just had to be the world's most mysterious person.
"To start with, Ayano-san, I'm a…"
Oh he's speaking! What's he going to say?!
"I am a…"
I unconsciously leaned forward; I am literally at the edge of my seat right now.
"...an alien."
"Don't fuck with me!"
I pointed a straight, accusing finger at the blonde. My chair clatters as it falls from my sudden act of standing up, while my face is probably flushed because of the anger.
"What, it's true." The blonde has the audacity to look and sound offended.
And that pisses me off.
"Well, technically, I'm both a descendant and the reincarnation of one."
"And what, you have super powers or something?"
He looks away.
"...you've got to be kidding me…" I stopped myself from falling, barely capable of doing so myself. "S-So… what? What did you do to Sagami-chan?"
"Oi, oi when you put it like that, it sounds like I'm guilty for a crime or something."
"Uzumaki-san, there is no other person here in Japan, on earth, that can be more guilty than you at this very moment." I glared at him, taking off my glasses so that I could get the condensation off from the surface of the glass.
"Sheesh, fine, I'm guilty, sure, we'll leave it at that."
I have never wanted to punch a person so bad in my entire life…
"But, back to the point… yes, I did something to Sagami. But let me make it clear right here," his voice takes on a deep turn, his eyes are staring right at me to show his seriousness, "I would never, ever, do what I did without consent."
Something crawled up my back.
"D-Did you…?" I stared at him with horror in my eyes, gasping.
He blinks exactly three times, head tilting sideways expressing confusion. Then, he recoils, after realizing the explicit implication that my question might have suggested.
"What, no!" He raised his hands, waving them frantically. "No! NO! Oh no… no! It's nothing like that ya' perverted glasses girl!"
"Hey!" I fought down the redness that is spreading across my face. Can you blame me for assuming such things?! "Y-You're the one who makes it sound so… so… indecent!" Though I'm shouting, I feel myself calming down.
I saw him pinching his forehead, wincing.
"Look… let's get our minds out of the gutter and finish this whole thing up, okay? That illusion I put on the hallway isn't going to last long." He sighs. "And to be honest, I don't really like to waste my reserves like this, it's pointless if I do say so myself."
"Is that why the teachers aren't here yet?" I asked.
"Yeah."
That's… impressive. I never thought I'd get to see something so… so… fictional in reality.
"So, can we start with the explanation?" He must've detected the wonder in my face and decides to put it into his hands to stop me before I could delay anything even further.
"O-Oh, sure… yes," I swallowed the growing lump of air in my throat, "please."
Without further ado… he begins his explanation.
"I won't go into past details - past as in my past, childhood, etcetera - and hopefully this will make more sense into this story.
So, where to start…
I'm not a normal human being. That much is obvious. Aside from the illusion, the missing door, you being drowsy earlier, being a certified badass in overall and the other normally otherwise unbelievable shit I could do… I am also an immortal.
You might not believe me… but you're left with no other choice but to believe anyway. So, please, give me the benefit of the doubt if you have to.
Sagami… believe it or not, she didn't know anything about this. Well, I kind'a clued her in on it that day, but I believe she didn't know the truth about me. Even the slightest bit.
When was 'that day' you're asking me… well, 'that day' was the day of the cultural festival.
Yes.
Judging from the look on your face, you must've done a lot of thinking yourself. You're a smart girl, Ayano-san, smarter than me, that's for sure. But enough with the jokes.
That day, just as the festival was about to end… Sagami confessed to me. Of course, I tried to stop her… why did I stop her, you ask? Well, obviously… I can't really let that happen now can I?
…
No. Of course not. I couldn't and I still can't. It's not something a normal person like you could understand, Ayano-san. For someone like me, there's no such thing as a 'happy ending' anymore. There's no such thing as a 'Happily Ever After' between the both of us; only me. And even so, it wouldn't be a happy one.
…
...tell me, Ayano-san… have you ever woke up one morning, wondering why on god's green earth are you still alive? Now I do apologize if you do have thought of certain things, but the context I'm looking for here is less of a depressed teenager's suicidal thoughts but more of a Shakespearean existential regret crisis dilemma.
No, you probably don't have those kind of mornings…
While I don't want to be a bleeding heart and expose all the cuts I have all over me, I just want to say that living a long, long life can be even more hellish than having to go through each day experiencing suicidal thoughts. Why? Because unlike the latter, you can't die when you're immortal.
...I'll be perfectly honest here, Ayano-san. My first few years of being unable to die, I wanted nothing more than to die.
There, I said it.
I always close my eyes, hoping and wishing that someday, soon, my life will be snuffed out of existence. I couldn't bear the thought of just waking up another day having to live. I was sick of living. I started doing things that would make mental asylum patients look sane. Bleeding, mutilated, drowning, decapitation, poisons, hanging…
I just can't die.
…
...I don't want pity, Ayano-san. I want you to understand that… no matter how wishful a person is, sometimes, their wish is just not meant to be. Sagami can never be truly happy with me, no one could, I've had literal centuries to hammer that fact into me. To make it easier for you to understand, picture this:
Imagine a girl confessing to a boy, a boy she loved. He's her high school crush, the love of her life. They graduated high school and promised each other that they'll be forever together even though they have to go to different university. She managed to get into a university of her choice which isn't far from where she and her family is living, but the guy went to college in another prefecture to fulfill his dream of becoming a writer.
They're both sad, obviously, having to part and essentially making their relation into a long distanced one. He told her he'll remain faithful and she had his word for it, and a ring too.
They both… promised that they'll try and see each other whenever they have free time, be it the weekends or just any spare time they could gather.
Years passed… and they graduated. He got his degree and a good job prospect as a freelance editor, which was a little sad since he didn't get to be a writer, while she received a recommendation to work as an intern in the country's most highly regarded agency firm.
Three years down the road, they got the job they wanted and finally decided to get married.
They had their wedding at a lovely chapel, their families and friends were there and… they felt the happiest they could in their life.
But...
...as they grow old, have children, and live their life in matrimony… the husband never grows old.
He's as good looking and young as the day he wore that expensive three piece suit… not a single wrinkle on his face. He remained the youthful twenty six year old man while his wife had experience the strains of growing old.
He could not relate with her when she said she's having pain at her lower back area.
He could not go out a day from his house together with his wife without being mistaken as her son or relative.
And he could not bear the weight of living with the haunting thought of having to see the woman of his life eventually die.
…
...but you know what he could do, Ayano-san?
…
Oh, no, it's fine, I'll tell you.
He could only be there for her, smiling, telling her that he'll never leave her.
He could only sit there, smiling, as his grandchildren stare in disbelief that he is their grandfather.
He could only stand there… and watch as they slowly descend his wife's coffin into the ground… still smiling because he promised her, on her deathbed, that he would smile no. matter. what.
…
…
...but it didn't end there, Ayano-san. No. Oh no.
He had to experience, feel and see the same thing happen all over again with his children, their children and their children's children... and he could only stand there and watch.
Now, tell me, who do you feel sorry for?
The man or the woman?
"Now tell me, who do you feel sorry for?"
I…
"The man or the woman?"
I… I'm speechless. I-I don't know what to say.
In what seems to be eternity, I was left on my seat with a very, very hard question to answer. I sat there without being able to say any words. I swear, this was the quietest I've been all my life. He's looking at me with expectation in his eyes while his overall facial feature maintains a neutral and patient look.
But I knew that those eyes of his are judging me.
"I… think…" Despite wanting to answer, I really couldn't say anything right off the bat. I mean, can you blame me?!
He nudges his eyebrows, a way to tell me to continue what I was going to say.
"Well, I mean, look…" at this point, I'm just stalling. "You… kind of stuck with the man on your narrative there… so it's hard for me to not feel sorry for the man." I scratched the back of my head while lowering it to avoid his intent gaze.
He smiles, I can feel him smiling. "Fair enough, I suppose." He finally says, chuckling too.
I still did not get why he told me that story. I mean, obviously… he was speaking about himself.
...right?
A very uncomfortable air of silence manifests inside this isolated infirmary. The unconscious form of our classmate is still on the bed, showing no signs of waking up. Meanwhile, my mind was still plagued with what Uzumaki-san has just told me.
His story and the question he had for me in the end… I don't think my answer really satisfies him, heck, I don't think he regards it as an answer in the first place. But deep down, I really pity the man in his story.
Being an immortal… someone who cannot and will not die…
I could never imagine what it would feel like.
Humans' lifespan varies… but I'd heard that it's a short one we're dealt with. Hopes, dreams, ambitions… reaching or accomplishing these things will somehow give meaning to our lives, perhaps, creating the illusion that it was a long life we've lived.
I…
I could not answer him. I wanted to feel sorry for the man, but I know the same man wouldn't want me to feel sorry for him.
"It seems that I've given you a lot to think of, Ayano-san."
His voice disrupted my train of thoughts, forcing me to look at him again. Now, something seems different about him.
Uzumaki Naruto is known to be Soubu's most mysterious yet enigmatic student. No one knows what's going on in his head. But lately, I'd heard of the reputable and commendable things that he had done to and for the school.
There are also words of him being an eccentric individual, and I'd only managed to confirm this point recently. People described him as lazy, narcissistic, scary and even a straight up jerk in some cases. But I have never had the opportunity to confirm those characteristics of his.
...well, maybe I have, now.
But, what I'm trying to say is, it's not often people see him looking all mellow and… vulnerable.
Now I'm not saying that people haven't seen him looking all mellow and vulnerable and stuff… but, this was my first time seeing him like this and… and…
...it's just plain out of character.
"You… do." I managed to mumble out snippets of what I actually wanted to say.
"I'm sure that you know where I'm getting at, right?"
I nodded.
It's simple, now that I've thought about it.
He told that tale in the perspective of the man, and he wanted me to figure out how things would've turned out for the girl. As an avid reader myself, I've seen enough literature to mirror the outcome that could potentially happen to these two characters.
And it's just like Uzumaki-san said, there are no happily ever afters here.
The woman would slowly realize her husband's permanence. She would worry each day, trying to figure out ways to make herself look younger and more presentable for her youthful husband. She would have to cope with the self-consciousness of age and beauty. She would have to deal with the constant ideas of her husband leaving her for a much younger and youthful partner.
And worst of all… the vow they made that day at the chapel…
In sickness and in health… until death do us apart…
I could not imagine…
I closed my eyes, holding back the rush of emotions flowing through me.
"Hey now, don't cry." He laughs. "It was just a story, after all. No real meaning into it."
I could not say anything. Still attempting to hold myself back.
"After the Kyoto trip… we confronted each other." He continues. "I… I gave her an option. Either I reject and she'll have to live with that ache in her heart until she forgets about it… or I erase her feelings for me down to the very bottom pit."
"She chose the latter."
…
"Sagami chose the latter. And, with her consent, I… did it. I erased her memory of me." He pauses. "At least before the time she 'loved' me."
He continues again.
"I do not want to hurt others. I've promised myself that I wouldn't…"
But I interrupted him. "S-So this isn't hurting her?" My voice cracked. I glared at him while gesturing at my sleeping friend hotly. "Huh? Are you trying to say that you haven't hurt her by… by… defiling her mind like that, huh?"
He frowns.
"Are you telling me that y-you… you…" I struggled to find the words I wanted to say.
This man… this man sitting in front me…
I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't.
But at the same time I… I… I feel sorry for him.
"Sometimes, the alternative to pain is pain itself." I could see him shudder as he says that, almost as if he's disgusted at himself for saying those words. "I didn't accept her feelings because I know she'd be in a far greater pain later on down the road. I knew I would hurt her if I rejected her so, erasing her memories of me was the best solution I could come up with."
"...see how much of a solution that turned out to be." I just couldn't stop myself from making that remark.
"Heh, you don't have to tell me."
We ceased talking.
Just like how I have a lot running through my head, I'm sure that he has his share of things to think about.
But he's having a much easier time expressing them into words rather than me.
"I don't want to rob her off of a normal life. I don't want her to become a woman who has to worry about such superficial things like the ones I've mentioned… I… don't want to be that selfish anymore."
Whether or not that last part of his statement was intended or not, he manages to get his point across.
"But… those..." I tried to make my voice come out stronger. "Those are just reasons, Uzumaki-san."
I was not ready for the response I was about to receive.
"I know, and they're all I have."
The way he says it, it's… it sounds desperate; a whimper, more like. He sounds like he's no other options but to give reasons. For once, my heart ached when glanced at his azure orbs. They no longer express indifference or mischief.
No.
Those eyes… they are doing nothing but reflect genuine pain and struggles.
I see, through that set of eyes, a person who has been dealt with so many unfairness in life. And, despite it all, is still trying to go through the day smiling.
How? I asked myself.
How can I bring myself to… hate this man?
Never mind all the supernatural nonsense, because those mean little to me right now. I see a person, despite his elevated status as a being of existence, trying desperately to live a kind of life that I could never imagine myself ever living. Who am I to… to…
I-I don't know.
"...so what's going to happen from now on?" My voice came out in its barest volume it could muster.
"Well…" He leans back on his chair, stretching his arms sideways. "Quite a few things can happen, actually."
He continues.
"The first one is: we let Sagami wake up still with her memory void of me and pretend that this entire thing never happened. This is the most ideal outcome that I could think of. You don't say anything about this and I promise I'll never talk to you or Sagami ever again… I'll try my best, but no promise since class arrangement can be confusing as hell."
That's… true. And he says it's the most ideal?
"The second one… is… er… um." He clears his throat. "You won't like it… to say the least."
Despite the chilly crawling sensation I felt on my back, I motioned him to continue.
"I'll have to put a permanent, and an even stronger mental block on Sagami."
"And that means…?" I asked.
"There's a fifty percent chance of turning her brain into a vegetable."
"No." I deadpanned without missing a beat.
"I… know, which is why I hesitated there." He chuckles nervously. "Another one is simpler, actually. We wake Sagami up and let her know about what's happened for the past… thirty minutes or so."
I blinked.
"Wait." What? "Wait. Wait wait wait." I lowered my head, bringing up one hand to clutch a growing migraine occurring on the side of my head. "You want to let Sagami-chan know all of this after trying so hard to make her forget you?"
He laughs hollowly, leaving a smirk on his face.
"After talking here with you… I realized something. Sometimes, I just can't cover up the things that happened to me even with the things I could do. Nevermind my own mistakes; but even something as unexpected as a love confession can throw a wrench into my already stagnant life.
And… to my surprise, that very wrench that screwed everything up… it gives meaning, a reason, to something else entirely. Sure, it's… something that I can live without, but, hey, this is an immortal you're hearing these words coming out of, after all.
You see, I don't think that something like this could ever happen. I never thought that someone could have their supposedly erased memory come back to them like that. I've heard of something like that happening in the past but the chances of that happening is miniscule.
Sagami… she, I don't want to sound like an insensitive jerk who's tooting his own horn here, but, it's… it's been a very, very long time ever since I've had someone say they love me. Heh.
I figured that, should we ever come up to that third conclusion, I'll be able to mend the bridge or completely burn that bridge between she and me. Just for the sake of fairness… although, if I have to speak honestly here, I'd rather we just choose the first one."
"Then why are you giving three options?"
"Honestly, it wouldn't be much of an option if I only had one, now would it?" He tilts his head, smiling.
I scoffed. "As if there was ever an option to begin with…"
"Aaaaand that's what I've been trying to tell you." He says. "There was no choice for me but to block Sagami's memories that are related to me. I personally… do not like it when I'm not given the option to choose; or not given any options at all! But I've had multiple lifetimes to have that realization hammered into my mind."
"But… people's memories." I muttered, my voice low. "It's just… not right. It's plain wrong. Even with consent it's just-"
"-unethical?"
He's smiling. I could see his lips stretching into a smile of amusement.
"Maybe I'm at fault here for causing this… misunderstanding, Ayano-san." What is he saying? What's there to misunderstand?
"What are you saying, what's there to misunderstand?"
He brings his palms together, pressing each fingertips into their respective counterparts and bouncing them in a rhythmic manner.
"Ethics… morals… do you know that several thousand years ago… these do not exist?" He asks me.
"The Dark Ages, The Middle Ages, or whatever you want to call it; I've lived through those times. And during those times, even before it, I've seen people commit downright heinous and the most detestable acts for something less. During those times, people were either too busy staying alive or indulge in whatever iniquity they had and couldn't be bothered to care about these things called morals and ethics.
Those few that did are either bigots or ambitious jokes with their heart at the right place, but their eyes at the wrong sight.
Now I'm not preaching about what's right and wrong. And, although it might sound like it, I'm not using my experience or its context to say that you are wrong in viewing what I did to Sagami as 'unethical' or even 'immoral'. If you think what I did was exactly that, then so be it.
But, just like you have your own version of what's right and wrong, I have mine too. And judging by… how far apart we are in terms of dealing with the shit that life ever so lovingly threw at us, I think we can justify that what I did as reasonable. After all, it's only natural to want and solve problems quickly."
"So… it's all a matter of how easy it would be for you to solve your problem?" Was my voice trembling? I thought so.
"On the surface, yes. But underneath, it's more than that. And you know why." He sighs, glancing downwards to the floor before redirecting his eyes back at me. "I'll say it again, I'm not going to rob a girl off her chance of having a normal life. And anything, everything, with me involved is never normal and it never will."
He's right.
He's not normal even by special definition. And from the way he's been talking, I didn't think he considers himself human anymore. Now what? He's offering me these options… these choices to make for Sagami-chan.
A: She'll wake up not remembering anything, he'll try not to talk to any of us again and we'll both go on with our separate lives. I'll admit, it's the most ideal.
B: He use his weird… alien magic to mess around with Sagami-chan's brain and probably turn her into a vegetative state! Forget that!
Or C: He explains everything to Sagami-chan, risking her the eventual realization that she's never had a chance at love.
No… it's too cruel… these are too cruel, I can't do these.
It wouldn't be easy, would it? For Sagami-chan, I mean. Look at me, this person has told me that he's an immortal capable of doing… magic... or something and I'm still trying to put my head around that. How is that possible? Who is Uzumaki Naruto really?
See, those questions I know wouldn't be answered… and he's expecting to tell Sagami-chan about all of this. I don't want Sagami-chan to realize that her chance of being happy is crushed because the guy she has a crush on turns out to be an immortal who'll eventually outlive her, yet at the same time, Sagami-chan deserves to know everything!
"I'm thinking right now… obviously, Sagami-chan can't make the decision herself so… I think it's only right if we… let her…"
Wait.
Am I… seriously going to let my friend go through this?
What if she still doesn't give up on him? I know she can be persistent. But hiding everything from her just seems wrong on so many levels… but it'll protect her from the pain of having to realize that she's no chance of being with the person she loves.
This is such a fairytale. Fiction. I doubt anything like this has ever happened…
"I want to let her know! Wait, no, gah!"
Uzumaki-san is staring at me knowingly. It looked like he knows exactly what I'm going through right now.
Then, Uzumaki-san's previous words came to mind:
'Sometimes, the alternative to pain is pain itself.'
Is… this it? Is this the only choice Sagami-chan has?
But thinking about it...it's kind of true, isn't it? Either way, Sagami-chan will be hurt or at least still hurt. And not letting her know will hurt her far less.
Because ignorance is bliss and all that.
But do I have any rights at all at making this decision for her? No, certainly… but I do have one thing; a choice.
I gripped the roots of my hair with both of my palms, putting in enough effort to cause pain. My eyes were shut tight and tears threatened to escape once again, but not due to my own pain. No. This was not something superficial.
After a few seconds, I let go. I let go of my hair, my hands dropping to my sides like puppets without strings. Slowly, I raised my hunched form to look at the man sitting in front of me, right on the other side of Sagami-chan's bed.
...I'm sorry Sagami-chan, I hope you can forgive me.
"Uzumaki-san."
He raises an eyebrow.
I really hope you can forgive me.
"I choose…"
First of all, I would like to say thank you to those of you who are understanding enough about this story's hiatus and also for having patience with me.
It wasn't easy getting this chapter out, believe me. With all of the things that are going on in my life, both the good and bad, but mostly the bad things; I've considered that I might need to drop this series for good. However, that's not the case.
I've decided to take up this story once more. Yes, as of now, this story will be out of its hiatus state and back to its constant probably-maybe-I'll update state. Now, I know that I've gotten rusty and most of that could be reasoned by the fact that writing's no longer something I do at my free time.
Although I still write, yeah, but I don't think recipe costing counts as literature now does it?
I can't promise you guys that I won't go on another hiatus some time else in the future, for all I know, I might just have to hold back writing again. And I know that my writing quality has… dropped, and to be honest, I never consider my writing as something special or above average in the first place. I mean, c'mon, the only reason why you guys are reading this is because of the usual overused tropes like immortal Naruto, potentially OP Naruto and Post-War story. And the fact that there were no active Naruto and Oregairu crossover stories in the site.
But regardless of all of this, the lot of you who have left reviews, favorited and followed this story are real and it shows me that despite all of the things mentioned above, people still care about what I put out. And to a human being with at least half a heart, that's something very meaningful.
I know that I've let people down before - guess what else is new - but I'm still going to try and publish more chapters for this series. I'm not forcing myself, really. I just feel like writing again.
So, maybe, stay tune for more?
-Rain
P.S: Tenshin, you rock bro.