FYI, Vic's got her foul mouth going in this chapter
I walk out of Vic's grasp and feel an intense cold where she's no longer touching me. How can I want to be close to her and far away at the same time? I don't need her as a distraction. I don't need Henry telling me what I should or shouldn't do. I'm going to answer to myself on this one, and myself only. I will decide what happens to Barlow Connally and Jacob Nighthorse too for that matter. I'm going to be the judge and the jury and I'll take down whoever else I find out was involved in my wife's murder. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being patient. Letting Martha go has created a freedom to stop hesitating to do what I need to do.
"Walt."
I ignore the intensity of that one word and continue planning. It's okay that Henry has my gun. I've got plenty of weapons I can use. Hell, I've got my bare hands. I can take Barlow man to man. I've beaten him before. Sure that was decades ago but he's only gotten softer since he's been riding a desk all these years playing businessman.
"Walt."
The sound of her voice speaking my name a second time stops my thoughts. I just cannot think straight about this with her here. I have to get away on my own.
"Leave me alone Vic."
"No!"
"This isn't your battle to fight."
"How dare you say that to me! Gorski was my problem from long before I ever met you and you made him your battle to fight. Chance Gilbert was my problem but you jumped into the middle and put yourself in danger in that situation too. I could have handled Branch without your help but you had to step in again in my defense when I could have put him in his place all on my own too."
"Those things are different."
"Bullshit!"
"I'm not going to take you down with me Vic. I came close to doing that with Henry. From here on out, it's my choice to make, my action to take and I will accept whatever consequences that come myself. No one else gets hurt this time, except those who are guilty. The guilty will feel plenty of hurt."
"You're talking crazy again. How can you say only the guilty will be hurt? What about those people who love you, the people who need you?"
"Cady will understand. She has Henry to help her through."
"You're wrong. Cady won't understand. She's out there right now scared out of her mind about what is going on with you right now. Like I told you at your cabin she doesn't deserve to lose her father after all she has gone through, after all she's given up for you. I know you Walt, you are not the kind of father who walks away from his daughter, to leave her all alone in the name of revenge."
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do."
Vic takes a steady step towards me, "You can keep trying to hurt me on purpose to make yourself feel better about what you're doing all you want, but no matter what you say to me, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here with you to help you through this. I'm going to help you gather all the evidence you need to nail Barlow and Nighthorse to the wall, and I'm going to be here to help you celebrate when both those bastards are locked up and unable to hurt anyone anymore."
"No you're not Vic." I don't want to go on but I cannot seem to stop myself, "You're only able to be here now because your husband is out of town and doesn't know where you are. Once he's back there will be no more working after hours. He'll want you home with him and that's where you should be."
"Are you fucking kidding me? He doesn't tell me what to do."
"He wants you to quit your job, remember? He's not going to wait around forever for you to make a decision." I'm finally able to verbalize something I've been holding back from her. Even though she hasn't resigned, I've just been waiting for it to happen. Everyday she doesn't is one more day of reprieve that I've been given on my execution.
Vic presses her lips together and looks at the ceiling.
"I'm right and you know it."
Her voice is just a whisper, "Yeah Walt, you're right, he wasn't willing to wait forever."
"What?"
She shoots me a drop dead look and shakes her head, "No, not relevant to the conversation at hand. You're trying to distract from the real issue so you can take off and go after Barlow."
I watch her face closely. Something is suddenly different in her. My care and concern for her begins to war with my need for revenge.
"Vic, is everything okay? Did something happen with Shaun?"
"I'm not discussing it with you Walt."
I move closer, no longer feeling the need for the physical distance I was so eager for a moment ago. I try to stop myself, but as has happened several times recently, I cannot keep myself from reaching out for her. She closes her eyes when I take her hands.
"Walt, don't."
"Vic, look at me."
She shakes her head and keeps her face to the floor, "No Walt, none of this is your concern."
"Don't you think that should be my choice?"
"No, I don't. You're not giving me a choice to be there for you, so you don't get a choice either." She looks up at me defiantly but there's still something else lurking on her face just beneath the surface.
The longer she holds my eyes, the more the defiance is replaced with vulnerability.
She looks away and sighs. "Damn it Walt! How do you do that to me?"
"Do what?"
"Weaken my resolve, disable my defenses... How pathetic am I?"
I don't speak, allowing her time to continue. She doesn't make me wait long before looking back at me, "It's over Walt, I had already made my choice. I wasn't going to quit my job. Then when I couldn't seem to pull the trigger on our relationship, when I thought maybe we could work things out he beat me to it."
"I don't understand."
"Shaun filed for divorce. I had met with an attorney to discuss my options but as I was considering it all, I found out Shaun already had papers drawn up. They were filed the day after you found Ridges."
A divorce. I try hard to control my breathing. Vic's getting a divorce from her husband. She's staying in Durant. There are too many things running through my head right now, few of them appropriate. I settle for running my hands gently up and down her arms, "I'm sorry Vic."
"Don't be. I'll be fine."
She pulls back from me and turns away, "Can we get back to talking about you now?"
I stand frozen. Ten minutes ago my decision was made, the plan was set. Now everything has changed, my world has shifted. All of a sudden I have hope for a future. A future that once looked bare and lonely is now full of light and possibilities. The affection and longing that I have kept under lock and key inside my heart is pushing to break free. I know how it feels to hold Vic in my arms and at one time it was all I could hope for. But now, the idea of wrapping my arms around her, stroking her hair and simply comforting her isn't enough any more. I guess it never really was. I fight to keep from spinning Vic around, pulling her to me and kissing her until we both can't breathe. I want to show her fully and completely what she means to me. I want to know her and let her know me, without any walls or limitations, without any rules or restrictions.
I ease up behind her and slide my hands onto her hips. I can feel her tense at my touch but I keep going. I lean down and nuzzle her ear with my nose and speak softly, only for her, my voice deeper than usual, "Vic." She reacts with a sudden intake of air and responds with a sharp, "What". I slip my arms the rest of the way around her waist and hug her close, "I'm glad you decided to stay." I start to place small wet kisses along the edge of her ear and down her neck. She exhales and I feel her body relax into mine. She puts her hand on mine, "Walt?"
"Hmm?" I'm making my way around the back of her neck to the other side.
"Oh...as much as I like this, and I believe me, I LIKE this, I'm not sure now's the best time."
As if on cue there's a knock at the door. It's Henry, "Is everything okay in there?"
Vic pulls out of my embrace and turns to face me with a questioning look.
I give her a small sheepish grin and nod.
"We're fine Henry, you can come back in. I think we've got his thinking straightened out." She looks up at me with a smile on her face, "for now anyway."