The morning lauds called us into the sacred chapel, and as usual, I took my place in the back corner pew. I bowed my head as the prayers began, clutching my worn prayer book, but as so often happened, I wasn't sure whom I was praying to, if that's even what I was doing. I knew the words by heart; I could recite them without thinking. But their meaning… well, I wasn't sure if they held any.

When we had finished, we filed out of the chapel, heading for the dining hall for breakfast. I lingered near the back of the group, my gaze on the floor. When a sudden hand caught my arm, I paused, looking for whom the hand belonged to.

"Mother Yackle has asked for you," Sister Bursar said.

I nodded before I turned and started for her room. It had been several months since I'd spoken to Mother Yackle, seeing as she had been giving me to time to adjust to life in the cloister. Upon reaching her room, I knocked a few times before entering, closing the door behind me.

"Sister Aelphaba… please, sit."

I sat across from her, bowing my head slightly in respect.

"Do you know why I have summoned you?"

I shook my head. Ah, yes, I should probably mention that shortly after my recovery, I had taken a vow of silence, seeing as in here, I had nothing to say, except in silent prayers.

"I have heard that you haven't been eating recently… or less than you usually do. And Sister Bursar says that you have shown up late to the morning laud more than once due to nausea."

I nodded, for all those things were true.

"Sister Aelphaba… you know that we accept anyone who comes to us for sanctuary, so we will not turn you away for this. But I must know the truth: did you have relations with a man that resulted in you now being with child?"

I froze, my hands clenching and unclenching a few times. That was something I had been trying to avoid for quite some time now. Of course, it was entirely possible… but I was still rather thin… I admit, I wasn't as small as I had been in my Shiz days, but I did not show such obvious signs as most pregnant women. Still… I could not ignore the signs. Finally, I just nodded.

"I see… so you came for more than just forgiveness."

Perhaps I had… subconsciously. This was the only safe place I could have… well…

"Rest assured, whenever the child does decide to come… you will be allowed to stay."

I nodded as my thanks before I stood and left, though lost in my own thoughts. Of course, pregnancy had never been anything I'd planned for… I never expected it to happen. Glinda was the one who had wanted children, not me. Of course, I could have just forced myself to continue living in denial, but I knew that when the time came for this… uninvited guest to arrive, that would be impossible.

It didn't take much longer for my… passenger to decide that it was time for them to enter this world. We were walking to the evening vespers, and I was at the back of the group, taking my time in crossing the courtyard. While I now boasted a slight bulge, the main effect I felt from my pregnancy was the loss of energy. Everything made me so tired, and just getting around the cloister was harder than it should have been.

I paused for a moment, catching my breath. I suddenly felt a slight burning running down my leg and it didn't take long for me to realize that my water had broken. This would be a problem. I sat on the nearest bench, which was right under the statue of our deity, trying to steady my breathing as I felt the first wave of contractions grip me.

"Sister Aelphaba… are you all right?" Sister Bursar asked, approaching me. Apparently she had noticed that I had not entered the chapel with the others.

I shook my head, refusing to break my silence even now.

"Come, to the infirmary we go," she said, putting an arm around my waist and helping me stand. We made it to our destination just as I felt another wave of contractions coming on. Still, I refused to cry out as I was helped into a bed.

Somehow, Mother Yackle was there, saying, "We knew this day was coming, dolly, now lie back and let's bring the Unnamed God's child into this world."

Had I not sworn myself to silence, I would have protested against that right away, but I instead clenched my jaw tightly as the contractions continued. As for the actual birthing process… well, that became a blur. I remember burning beads of sweat running down the sides of my face and the repeated word "push". I'm sure a few hours of this passed before the baby was out, and the next thing I remember is hearing the cries of the child.

"It's a boy," Sister Bursar said, wrapping him in an old bed sheet.

"Have you a name ready?" Mother Yackle asked me.

Still somewhat in a daze from giving birth, I used a bloodied finger to write "Liir" into the bed sheet.

"All right. Then Liir it shall be."

Apparently my subconscious was smarter than I thought, because providing for Liir in a cloister was much easier than it would have been had I tried to raise him in the Emerald City. Here, we had a roof over our heads, and food was provided. True, I did not enjoy the concept of breast-feeding, but I had already decided that once he was old enough, I was going to disown the boy. Don't think me cruel; I didn't ask for a child. My life did not allow for one, and the fact that he could have belonged to one of two men… well, it was something I would rather not be reminded of.

Oz, I was turning into my mother… Nanny had been right. I hated that!

It was about a year later when I felt that it was safe enough to leave Liir alone in my room during his naps, which would allow me to return to my services. I was sure the other sisters had been talking about me, but unlike the citizens of the Emerald City, they didn't let it show if they had talked. It didn't matter much to me, however. This was a different world for me.

Breakfast had ended and we were walking through the courtyard again when we heard someone ringing at the door. Being the novice, I was required to answer it. I didn't say a word as I opened the door.

"Elphaba?"

I froze at the voice, tempted to slam the door right in his face, but decency didn't allow that, so instead I just held my cold expression.

"Elphaba, it's me, Garrett. I've been looking for you."

Still, I said nothing.

"Won't you let me in so we can talk?"

I shook my head.

"Elphaba, please—"

"Can I help you?" Sister Bursar asked, coming to my side.

"I just need to talk to—"

"Sister Aelphaba has taken a vow of silence."

Garrett looked from her to me, and I looked away.

"Fae—"

"I think you should leave now," Sister Bursar said.

"No, I'm not leaving until she and I talk!"

"This is a place of holy sanctuary. You will leave, sir."

Garrett looked angry, but he turned and left. Sister Bursar closed the door and looked at me. "Is he…?"

I looked down, not wanting to admit that it could be him. He had been a mistake.

"Come… we'll continue our stroll."

Life slipped back into the state of routine, and I was starting to get used to it… maybe a little too much. Liir was approaching his second birthday; not that that really meant anything of course. He was starting to look more like Fiyero and—

Yero. I felt a wave of unexpected relief wash over me. This was Yero's son… the relief was soon followed by guilt. The prince was dead because of me… and now I had his illegitimate son. Perhaps it would best if I stayed in this cloister until I died… it wasn't like there was anything out there for me anyway.

After I had just laid Liir down for the night, I knelt beside my bed, beginning to pray. A sudden rustle caught my attention and I paused, figuring it had just been Liir when I didn't hear it again. I had just resumed my prayer when I was suddenly thrown onto the floor, a figure kneeling over me.

"Hello again, Fae," Garrett said, the moonlight illuminating his silhouette. I glared at him, but made no attempt to push him away. "Sorry I took so long. I had business to attend to, you see." He stood, pulling me to my feet. A pause. "Well, we're alone. Say something."

No surprise that I remained silent.

"Are you seriously taking this vow of silence thing to heart?"

I just scowled at him.

Garret sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I… I started remembering things… from my childhood. I know that we knew each other… and we dated, didn't we?"

I inhaled softly, looking away. I did not want him to start bringing up memories from my past.

And then suddenly, he had me pinned up against the wall roughly. "Answer me! You remember it, don't you? How you lost control of your magic that night… how you almost killed me!"

I turned away from him, not wanting to remember that night… how I had almost killed a group of my classmates at only fifteen. Why… why did he have to come back? Wasn't killing Fiyero enough?

"Say something!" He struck me hard enough to cause my head to snap back against the wall with a thud. The sound woke Liir and he began to cry. Garrett looked confused and released me to move over to where Liir was, peering down at him. The blonde looked back at me. "You…"

By this time, I had drawn my knife and had it pointed at him. Just because I refused to speak didn't mean I couldn't communicate… and cloister life hadn't made me completely docile.

"Is that really how this is going to be, Elphaba?"

I didn't move.

"He's our son… you can't keep me from him… but all right… I'll go… but don't think this is over." Garrett disappeared through the window and I stood, trembling slightly. I sheathed my knife before I went to Liir, taking him into my arms and gently rocking him back to sleep as I gazed at the moon outside.

I don't know why Garrett had waited that year to show up again. Somehow, he had managed to regain his memory of our childhood… and that concerned me. With his position in the Gale Force and now this… I began to wonder if I really was safe here. I couldn't endanger the other sisters' lives… I would not bear the guilt of another death.

Days passed, and I kept telling myself that tomorrow I would leave… tomorrow, I would pack my things, break my silence, and leave this sanctuary.

I told myself this for three more years.

As a maunt, it is our duty to take care of those who are less fortunate than us. This includes the elderly, the sick, and any others that come to us for sanctuary… just as I did four years ago.

Now, it was time for me to repay my debt.

The rain was falling hard, and I paced in the infirmary, the storm unsettling me. It had caught me off-guard, while I had been down here, searching for a change of sheets for Liir's cot. Now the only way to get back to my room was through the falling droplets, and that was a death sentence for me. So I was stuck her, waiting for it to die down.

The door suddenly burst open and I looked up to see a few sisters carrying someone in.

"Oh, Sister Aelphaba, it's fortunate that you're here. We found this woman outside and she's been severely injured. Please fetch some towels."

I nodded before I moved to retrieve the towels, returning as they set the woman in an empty bed. As I handed the towels over, I noticed that the woman had three deep, long gashes that ran along the side of her face and down her neck. Blood stained her torn clothes, and it wasn't hard to see why breathing was difficult for her.

"She's burning up… I don't know if we can save this one."

I continued to look down at the woman, wondering why she looked so familiar…

Even at the young age of seven, I was exceptionally bony and tall, my limbs seeming too long for my body. Still, I had taught myself how to use them, and they didn't bother me in the slightest.

"You'd better come down from there! Mother won't like it!" Nessa called, far below at the base of the tree I was sitting in.

I stuck my tongue out at her as my response. "Don't kill the fun, Nessie." I gave the branch a shake, watching as a shower of leaves rained down on my sister.

"Elphaba!" the brunette whined, brushing the leaves from her hair and off her lap. "I'm telling!"

"Go ahead!"

Nessa turned her chair awkwardly before wheeling away. I looked out over the forest, leaning against the trunk with a sigh. I liked being out here… away from the strict rules of my parents, and the disapproving looks they gave me. Out here… I could be my green self.

"Elphaba."

The cool tone of my mother pulled me from my thoughts and I looked down.

"Come down."

I saw Nessa sitting beside her and I sighed. She was the good one; Nessa always did the right thing. Reluctantly, I started climbing down, only to slip and fall about five feet from the ground, which to a child, is a long distance. I hit the ground and sat up with a groan, noticing that some of my blood had stained the grass. I put a hand to my face, feeling the scratches the branches had left behind.

"Oh, and now you've hurt yourself," my mother said irritably, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. She started to half drag me back to our house. "Make sure we clean you up and then it's off to prayers with your father... he won't be happy if he sees you bleeding on his oh so precious prayer books."

Midnight. The storm had calmed down, and I was sitting beside the woman's bed, looking down at the faded pages of my prayer book. Whether she was asleep or dead, I wasn't entirely sure. I didn't know why, but I felt compelled to watch over her… almost as if owed it to her. As I turned the page, a faint odor reached me and I looked over to see a wet spot forming on the sheets. Apparently this woman was too out of it to even register when she had to take a piss. Wonderful.

"Now my dear, we can't condemn an innocent life. Anyone can be saved."

My mother scoffed. "This isn't living Frexspar. Look, she can't feed herself, and she's sitting in her own waste. Nothing but an empty shell. I'd rather die than live that way."

I closed my book, standing. Looking down at her, I knew this woman was my mother. Somehow she had wound up here, but only to die. For my mother, I would grant her wish… I would not force her to live in such humiliation. I picked up a pillow and placed it over her face, gently applying pressure.

Melena Thropp died without a fight.

"Sister Aelphaba? You have a visitor."

I jack knifed myself into the darkest corner when the door opened, wary of visitors. Even after the door closed, I didn't move, but kept my gaze on the floor, wishing I had my cloak to pull around myself.

The blonde, meanwhile, moved a chair a few feet away from me before she sat. "It's an oddity, isn't it? After all your complaining about religion… you wind up here, and with the name of a saint, no less."

I didn't reply, nor would I look up at her.

"Elphie… please don't shut me out. I've been so worried about you."

I didn't resist when she took my hands, and this seemed to please her slightly.

"When I came for the Lurlinemas feast, I heard they'd taken in a newcomer with the oddest skin color. I knew it had to be you, and when they told me that you were sick… what else could I do but heal you? When I saw you lying in that bed… I was so afraid I'd lose you, just like we lost Ama Clutch… you were saying the oddest things. And then I saw these…" Her fingers ran gently over the scars on my wrists. "Well… I can't tell you how happy I am that you're still alive."

I finally brought myself to look up at the blonde, and was surprised to see how much she had changed. At only twenty-seven, it looked as though the world had already taken its toll on her. Oh, it wasn't that her outward appearance was that of an older person- hardly any wrinkles on her face- but I could see it in her eyes, and the expression she wore. A flash of old anger went through me when I noticed that one eye was healing after being blackened. Who had dared to hit her?

"Elphie… it really is you." She reached to touch my face, but I moved away from her hand. I could not bear her gentle touch… it was a kindness I did not deserve… not after all I had done. The blonde gripped my hands tighter. "All right… I will respect your vow of silence." She ran a hand through my hair as she stood, placing a kiss on my forehead. Tearfully, she whispered, "I forgive you… my love."

My eyes widened at the proclamation, and I held onto her hand as long as I could as she left. I stood as I watched her, wanting desperately to say something, anything. How could I just let her walk away?

"G…" was all I managed to get out, my voice sounding strangled, but she was gone.

Glinda did not return to the cloister again.

That night, as I was starting a fire, I heard small, tottering steps and I looked up to see Liir crossing the room yet again. Now that he could walk, he wouldn't sit still. I heard a rustling and I approached him, seeing that he had some papers in his hands. Gently, I pried them away, seeing as paper was scarce in Oz and I didn't want him destroying what little was left. Liir made noises of protest, which I ignored as I glanced over the papers.

My eyes widened slightly with realization. These… these were Glinda's drawings from Shiz. The cat on the windowsill… me stretching after undressing… and this was a new one. I recognized the blonde, and the provocative pose of her lying naked on her bed stirred old feelings inside of me. I turned the page over, surprised to see writing on the back.

My Dearest Elphaba,

Every day I must live without you feels like a lifetime. I cannot go anyplace without seeing green… and being reminded of what I did. How could I have sent you away? I didn't want to believe you when you said my parents were not good people… but shortly after the fire, I sifted through the rubble… and I saw all the remnants of the Animals. How could they be so heartless? These people raised me… and never once did I realize…

I'm sorry… Sweet Lurline, I'm so sorry Elphaba. Please… if you are still out there… could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? I cannot keep living without you… I need you. I know this will never reach you, but please… come back to me.

I lowered the paper slowly, watching a drop of water hit it. That was odd. Another followed, and I realized that I was crying. She… she wanted me to forgive her… and all this time… I thought…

I forgive you…

Picking up the picture of myself, I turned that one over as well, not surprised to see writing on the back.

Elphaba,

Do you remember this picture from Shiz? I drew it our first night as roommates. You might still be wondering why I chose you as my subject then, when we didn't exactly see eye to eye. Well, I'll tell you a secret: you're beautiful. It's as simple as that. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were beautiful. Perhaps that is why I tried so hard to hate you. I couldn't understand how someone like you could manage to catch my attention so.

I kept drawing you, hoping to find some imperfection, which would give me reason to hate you… but the more I drew, the more I was attracted to you. You had no imperfections… your body was flawless, and on paper, the green didn't matter. I don't know how you did it… but you made yourself a nice little spot in my heart, and now, without you… that spot aches.

I need you. I love you. Please come back to me.

I wondered how many of these she'd written… and had she left these behind on purpose, or had she simply dropped them? I picked up the last drawing, the one of the cat, and turned it over.

Elphie,

This picture was one of the first that brought us together. As I think about that day, I think about all the things I miss about you. Your green, first of all, but I believe that's a given. I miss your long hair… you always had such beautiful hair. It made me so jealous. If I could have found a way to steal your hair… honestly, I would have. I miss your height too… I know, that's a strange thing to miss, but I do. The fact that I was so short… so vulnerable… when you took me into your arms, I felt as though nothing could touch us.

Do you know how you smell, Elphie? Charred wood and soap; I've found that I can't find any combination that smells just as you did. And you're so soft… when we lie together in bed, I never wanted to let go of you. I miss your voice… even when you were being sarcastic. Do you remember that night at the Peach and Kidneys? When you sang for us… I felt as though your voice had taken me to cloud where I could just float forever.

But most of all, I just miss you. I can't believe I thought I could live without you. Please, I'll give anything if you just come back to me… I love you Elphaba.

The sincerity of these letters… it threatened to cause the tears I'd been holding back to stream down my face, but I fought them. Not here. This was not the place for such weakness.

Now that I had the forgiveness of our deity, I knew that this cloister had nothing else to offer me. I knew that Liir was Fiyero's, which meant that the only way I could fully be forgiven would be to leave my safe haven and go to his widowed wife… once Sarima forgave me, I would be able to move on.

"Even through your silence, I know why you have come to see me."

I stood before Mother Yackle, who was currently sewing a habit.

"Yes dolly, Mother Yackle knows. You want to leave. We have given you everything we can offer here… and now what you seek lies out there. But tell me Sister Aelphaba… where is your destination?"

Pulling out my prayer book, I turned to a blank page where I had drawn a map of Oz, and had circled Kiamo Ko.

"I see. Well, if this is what you have chosen… then I will grant your leave. I hope you find what you are looking for."

I sincerely hoped so too.