I own nothing!
Chapter 25
She looks relieved when the lights come on. She turns when she hears the door open. She sees me and I smile at her. She did such a good job, I am very proud of her.
"Congratulations, Tris," Eric says. "You have successfully completed your final evaluation."
She gives him a small smile and says, "Thank you."
"There is one more thing before you go and get ready for the welcoming banquet," he tells her.
I know what is coming next, he got me earlier. I didn't want to let him inject me with anything, but if I fought it they would question it.
He waves to one of the other leaders. She gives him a box, and he takes out a syringe. "At least you aren't afraid of needles," he says. "This will inject you with a tracking device that will be activated only if you are reported missing. Just a precaution."
"How often do people go missing?" she asks.
"Not often." Eric looks at the syringe. "This is a new development, courtesy of the Erudite. We have been injecting every Dauntless throughout the day, and I assume all other factions will comply as soon as possible."
Tris looks worried, hesitant, the same way I felt about it. "All right." She says, her voice tight..
"The banquet is in two hours," Eric says now. "Your ranking among the other initiates, Dauntless-born included, will be announced then. Good luck." He and the rest of the leader exit the room.
I beacon to her to follow me and she does. I want to talk to her, but we can't really talk here. "I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face," I say. "Practically unheard of."
"You…you weren't watching the simulation?"
"Only the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing," I say. "They seemed impressed."
"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four," she says, "but it will suffice."
"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first," I say.
She follows me through the glass room where she is greeted with cheers and claps on the back. She sticks to my side as we descend into the Pit.
"I have a question." She says biting her lip. "How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"
There was something in her landscape that she didn't want me to see. She is worried.
"Nothing, really. Why?" I reply.
"No reason," she looks down.
I don't want to part ways with her right now. I want to spend some time alone with her.
"Do you have to go back to the dormitory?" I ask. "Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet."
She looks nervous.
"What is it?" I ask.
She hesitates. "Let's go," she says.
XXX
I lead her up to my apartment. I unlock the door and push it open to let her enter. I come in behind her and slip off my shoes by the door.
"Want some water?" I ask her. She looks nervous. I'm not sure what this is about.
"No thanks." She looks at her hands.
"You okay?" I ask her, brushing my fingers along her cheek. I place my hand on the side of her face then slide my fingers through her hair. I smile at her and draw her closer to kiss her.
I move my hands to her shoulders and push her jacket off of her and it hits the floor. She stiffens and pushes me away. She covers her face with her hands.
"What? What's wrong?" I ask her confused and a little hurt.
She shakes her head.
"Don't tell me it's nothing." I say callously. She is hiding something from me. I can feel hurt and a ting of anger building up in me. I grab her arm. "Hey. Look at me."
She takes her hands from her face and looks up at me.
"Sometimes I wonder," she says, trying to stay calm, "what's in it for you. This…whatever it is."
"What's in it for me," I say. What is that supposed to mean? And where is this coming from? I step back from her and shake my head. "You're an idiot, Tris." I say, the hurt and anger building even more.
"I am notan idiot," she says. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for…um, you know…that…"
"What? Sex?" I growl at her. I can't believe this. How could she think that? "You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to." I know that didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but how can she think that is all I want from her. She is beautiful and brilliant, she isn't that kind of girl, I know it. I have known it from the moment that I met her. Besides, I don't want that kind of girl.
She moves her hands, blinks away her tears, and looks up at me, hurt. I didn't mean to hurt her with my words. "I'm going to leave now," she says, barely audible.
"No, Tris," I say. I grab her wrist and pull her back to me. She tries to pull away but I take her other wrist, and our arms are crossed. She is not going to leave until we work this out. I can't have her thinking that I'm just some guy trying to get her to do something that she isn't ready for.
"I'm sorry I said that," I say. "What I meant was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you."
"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape." Her lip trembles and her voice shudders. "Did you know that?"
"What?" I step back from her, I feel like someone has just ripped my heart from my chest. "You're afraid of me?" My stomach churns.
"Not you," she says, still fighting tears. What have I done to make her afraid of me? Have I been too forthcoming with my feelings? "Being with you…with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and…you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and…"
"Tris," I say, my voice soft and calm, "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too." We have never talked about this. The past couple days have gone by in a whirlwind and we have never talked about any of this.
"Delusion?" She asks. "You mean you haven't…" she looks at me shocked. She thought I have been with other people. I feel uncomfortable as she looks at me. "Oh. Oh. I just assumed…" Her voice cuts off. "Um. You know."
"Well, you assumed wrong." I look down feeling embarrassed. She's the first girl that I have ever had a relationship with like this before. I've never been interested in anyone until I met her. "You can tell me anything, you know," I say. I move closer to her and I touch her face. "I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise."
I kiss between her eyebrows, on her nose, then move my mouth to hers, trying to kiss her as gently as I can. I feel the familiar sense of electricity pulsing through me that I feel every time I kiss her. I slide my hand over her shoulder, and I feel a bandage. I pull back and look concerned.
"Are you hurt?" I ask.
"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed, I just…wanted to keep it covered up."
"Can I see?" I ask. I love her ravens and I want to see what else she has found that is important enough to put on her body. She pulls at her sleeve, and she takes her shoulder out of it. I run my fingers along her shoulder and then to the edge of the bandage. I pull the corner of the bandage away from her skin gently. I see the symbol of Abnegation. I can't help but smile.
"I have the same one." I say, and laugh. "On my back."
"Really? Can I see it?"
I press the bandage back over her tattoo and adjust her shirt so it covers her shoulder.
I smirk mischievously at her. "Are you asking me to undress, Tris?"
She laughs nervously. "Only…partially."
I nod at her as my smile fades. I look into her eyes as I unzip my sweatshirt, slide it off, and toss it on to the chair. She watches every move I make. Now I can understand her fear a little more because I'm feeling it now too.
With my eyes still on her, I take the hem of my T-shirt and pull the shirt over my head in one rapid movement.
She looks at the flames that are on my ribcage and my new tattoo on my shoulder. I look away from her.
"What is it?" she asks.
"I don't invite many people to look at me," I say. "Any people, actually."
"I can't imagine why," she says in a soft tone. "I mean, look at you." She makes me feel like my heart is going to escape me. She always makes me feel that way.
She walks around me to look at my back. At the top of my back is the symbol of Dauntless, just under that is Abnegation, and then Candor, Erudite, and Amity are all smaller descending to my lower back. My back is completely covered with ink.
"I think we've made a mistake," I say in a quiet voice. "We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, andsmart, and kind, andhonest. I clear my throat. "I continually struggle with kindness."
"No one's perfect," she murmurs. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away, and another replaces it."
I shiver as her fingers move lightly over my back to the Abnegation symbol. "We have to warn them, you know. Soon."
"I know," I say. "We will."
I turn to her, and she looks at me unsure of herself and of me.
"Is this scaring you, Tris?" I ask.
"No," she says, she sounds terrified. She clears her throat. "Not really. I'm only… afraid of what I want."
"What do you want?" I ask her, then I realize. "Me?"
She nods her head slowly, not completely making eye contact with me.
I nod to her too. I'm terrified also, but I want desperately to be near her. I take her hands in mine and guide them to my abdomen. I look down, still not meeting her eyes. I push her hands from my abdomen, up over my chest then place them around my neck. My body is pulsing with the energy from her touch. I never realized how much effort it would take for me to control my urges for her. But I don't want to scare her any more than she is.
"Someday," I say, "if you still want me, we can…" I pause, and clear my throat, feeling embarrassed. "We can…"
She looks up at me and smiles, she pulls me close to her before I can finish. She places her head on my bare chest, just over my heart. My pulse is racing and I know she can hear it.
"Are you afraid of my too, Tobias?"
"Terrified," I say, a smile spreading across my face.
She turns and kisses my neck lightly.
"Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore," she speaks softly.
I bend my head and kiss her slowly, her hands moving down to rest on my chest.
"Then everyone can call you Six." I say.
"Four and Six," she says.
We kiss each other again, slowly then with more vigor and passion. She leads me toward the bed where I sit down and she is almost at eye level with me. I have a theory that most of her fears are not being in control; this is an extension of that fear. When she placed herself on my lap on the train, she chose to do that. And now leading me to the bed to sit down was also her doing. I don't say anything to her about it. I just allow her to make the first moves and I don't push too much.
Looking into her eyes I can see her fear, but it has subsided a bit. She leans in and kisses me, gently at first then when I place my hands on the small of her back, the kiss becomes more enthusiastic. She crawls up on my lap and straddles me. She wraps her legs around my waist and pulls herself closer to me. I feel like I am going to explode with desire. I reach my hands under the hem of her shirt and glide my finger tips up her bare spine. I grasp her shoulders from under her shirt and pull her tight to me. I pull away from the kiss and look into her eyes. Then I begin to kiss her neck, her jaw, and then back to her lips. I slide my hands back down her spine and I can feel her shiver.
I take my hands from under her shirt and pull away from the kiss again. I lean back on my arms across the bed and look at her. She smiles at me and unwraps her legs from my waist. She slides back off of my lap and lies on the bed next to me. I hold her there kissing some more and finally dosing for a while until we hear the noise of the Dauntless in the hall headed to the banquet.