Disclaimer: Alas, after almost two years of writing this story, I still don't own any rights to Twilight!
Honeymoon Suite
Chapter 25: Blessings
Jacob bolted through the door, but I was never more than a step behind him, anticipating his shape-shift. However, it didn't happen. Frustration set in and I sprinted ahead of him before turning and coming to a complete stop. Jacob slammed into me at full speed. The collision sent him reeling backwards until he fell hard onto his back.
"Phase!" I shouted over him as he lay splayed out on the ground. It should at least be a fair fight. Monster to monster.
"No!"
No? "Stand up and phase, Jacob Black, or so help me, I will destroy you where you lay!"
"I won't phase, and I won't fight you, Edward."
Damn him! I was tired of his passive-aggressive games. Bella had pushed me to "make peace" with Jacob for her sake, but this…coveting my newborn daughter! It was more than I could handle. And Bella wasn't here to be his defender… It was going to end here and now!
I hovered over him as my teeth locked and alarms of warning blared in my head. Rage was rattling against my bones like iron bars of a jail cell. I wouldn't resist its demand to be freed. My eyes locked with his before mine narrowed in threat. Raising my fist, I brought it down toward his head with all the furious force I had boiling within me. It drilled it into the ground – not even one inch from the right side of Jacob's face.
His eyes widened and his breath caught, but he made no move. I crouched closer to him, my fist still buried eight inches into the soil, and hissed, "Phase and fight...or cower and die."
Jacob quickly rolled to his left and sprang to his feet – rather swiftly for human form.
"I won't phase. They can't know…" Edward, no one is more freaked out by this than me! I can't handle having to explain it to Leah and Seth yet.
I stormed straight at him, hoping my physical aggression would challenge his control and he'd shift… "I don't care. It's got to end now, Jacob! You need to go find you own life. You're not taking any more from mine!"
We stood as close as I could get without suffering the demeaning act of him looking down at me…
"You know this wasn't my choice!"
Jacob determinedly held his ground.
"You can choose to leave."
"You know I can't do that. It's not something I can choose."
Jacob opened his mind completely and let the full force of the imprint wash out of him. I turned my head away, not wanting to acknowledge its significance and the undeniable binding ties that come with imprinting. His rationality had been stripped away. Nothing else mattered now. Not even his own life.
I staggered back several steps.
"You know how this feels, Edward. I can't leave," Jacob pleaded, his voice edged on panic. "You tried to leave Bella and deny what you knew to be true, and how did that work for you?"
"Stop!" I spun from him, taking several long strides to put distance between us. I didn't want to hear his side; I wanted him to hear mine.
"Just tell me why, Jacob? Why must you stake a claim on everything? All I ever really wanted in this existence was Bella. And you did everything-" Again my rage erupted to the surface and I turned abruptly to face him—"everything you could to take her from me! And now I have been blessed by the miracle of Renesmee's birth and -"
My tirade was rudely interrupted by the blissful buzzing in his mind at the very sound of my child's name.
"Stop that! This will not happen, Jacob! Renesmee belongs with me and Bella!"
"For now, yes, but not forever."
My hands curled into hard fists at my sides. He continued his defense, but it took on a more diplomatic, compromising tone...
"I only ask to be some part of her life." Just think about it, Edward. It all makes sense – why I had to be near Bella, why I couldn't let her go. She was the key to unlocking my future. I have actually been set free. I don't feel the pull to Bella anymore! I thought it was because she was…well, dead, but that wasn't it. It was the promise of Renesmee holding me near Bella the whole time! Don't you see?
"Jacob, that's the biggest line of crap I have ever heard."
"Fine, you see me as a threat to your family, then finish me." He threw his arms open wide and looked me square in the eyes.
"Don't tempt me," I growled.
But I knew my fire was gone.
He knew it too.
We stood in silence, except for the grinding of my teeth, until I turned in defeat toward the house.
Em, Jazz, and Carlisle stood motionless on the porch, poised to intervene if necessary. Behind me, Jacob breathed a sigh of relief. Before me, Jasper, sensing my resignation, shifted to a more relaxed posture.
"I'll go for now. Be with Bella and your daughter. I'll stop by later." I heard strained resignation in his voice. It was his peace offering.
Without another word, Jacob jogged into the woods.
The tension drained out of my body as the distance between us grew. I hung my head as I carried my burdens back to the house.
You're a better man than me, Edward," Emmett said as I passed him. He still appeared ready to pounce. "I would have ripped him apart."
"We are all victims of our nature, brother."
Feeling their gazes upon me, I passed them and entered the house.
Before I could register another thought, the sudden siren of Renesmee's high-pitched cry sent me in a frantic search for her. However, as quickly as it had started, it stopped. I found her wearing only a diaper, clutched in Esme's arms in the dining room. Tears streaked her flawless alabaster skin.
"What happened?"
Rose approached from behind me. "You'll need to get tougher skin than that, dad. Don't you expect your baby to cry sometimes?"
"She sounded like she was stressed - in pain!" I wasn't sure how I knew this to be true, but I did.
Esme answered my question, "She started fussing, so we fed her and, well, now it appears she has outgrown her sleeper. She was really squished in it, even though I swear it fit her only minutes ago!"
"Full of surprises," Carlisle whispered as he approached. "Let's get another set of measurements. Come to papa, Renesmee."
Tears and trauma forgotten, Renesmee turned excitedly in Esme's arms and reached for Carlisle, immediately placing her small hand on his cheek once he held her. He laughed, "Yes, daddy can come with you this time."
I followed the two of them into the kitchen where Carlisle had an infant scale and measuring tape on the center island. He laid Renesmee on the scale and she cooperated by lying very still. She had already learned what was expected of her and for reassurance her eyes searched ours for approval.
The digital scale gave her weight in grams and then Carlisle stretched her out to mark on the tissue covering the scale.
"All done! You are such a good girl." He picked her up and I gladly reached for her, but Alice intercepted.
"You are going to freeze her!" she berated me. "Come to Aunt Alice, sweetie. I have a new outfit for you. Let's try a 3 month outfit. Such a big girl! Yes, you are..."
"Alice, what about –"
"Don't worry - Jasper is with Bella."
"Alice…the room…Jasper!" I hadn't had the chance to clean Bella's blood from the rest of the room!
A chorus of minds in the room screamed "Wait!"
I froze as Alice spoke quickly, "I cleaned the room quite well…with bleach."
My muscles uncoiled. Of course, all that blood would have made it unbearable for Jasper to even be in the house, and Alice would not want him to be away for long. Regardless, I marveled Alice had the strength to deal with the blood and keep vigil over Bella.
Alice held her arms out and I relinquished Renesmee to her. She wrapped Renesmee in a blanket before pulling her close and bouncing out of the room. Immediately I searched for Jasper's mind. He was very close to Bella, staring at her face. It still held no emotion, but Jasper thought he could see changes showing already...
I'll deal with that later I tried to convince myself feeling the mental strain from two forces pulling me in opposite directions – one to Bella side, the other to make sense of the extreme situation facing my child.
I turned to Carlisle, and he read the question on my face.
"She's growing very rapidly. She's already added 900 grams to her weight and 2.5 centimeters to her length since she was born. Were we foolish enough to believe her rapid growth would stop once she was delivered?"
Actually, my thoughts never had the chance to get that far...
"So...what now?" Was I to be the father of the world's largest baby? Her growth has got to stop at some point, right? I was quickly spiraling into panic. At this rapid growth rate, how much could her body withstand? She was already so entwined in my heart, the thought of harm coming to her caught me in a crippling grip of anxiety.
"She isn't just growing larger, Edward, she is maturing. I can already see reductions in her brown adipose tissue. She's actually aging at an accelerated pace."
"How accelerated?"
"I can't tell just yet. Hopefully, if I keep measuring her at regular intervals, a rate will immerge and I can make some predictions. I'm going to start plugging the values into my computer. That should help us get a better picture of her growth..."
He blurred out of the room, determined to get answers.
Shoving back my concern, I also locked onto my determination. I was going to enjoy my baby for as long as she was just that - a baby. I needed one more thing though...
Running upstairs, I rummaged through Bella's luggage. "It's got to be here!" Finally, I found it: the digital camera. Racing back down the stairs, I practically plowed into Alice.
"Great idea! Give it to me." Of course, she was already on the same page as me.
Without hesitation, I handed the camera to Alice and took Renesmee from her arms. I had expected Alice to have dressed Renesmee up like a fine porcelain doll, in frills and lace, but was amused to find her wearing a white onesie inscribed with the words Daddy's Little Angel in pink, matching pink pants and pink and white polka-dotted booties. Despite Bella's certainty she was pregnant with a boy, Alice still managed to produce a perfectly pink ensemble. With her penchant for shopping, I shouldn't have doubted the existence of a complete wardrobe composed of blue and pink.
"Okay, daddy, give us a great big smile!" Alice took several steps back and held the camera up. I looked into Renesmee's wide, inquisitive eyes. Everything was so new to her! Exciting and fun with every second providing a new discovery. And she took it all in, processing and making use of the information, almost like connecting the dots.
"Aunt Alice is going to take our picture," I explained. "Papa Carlisle said you are growing very fast. Does that hurt, my angel?"
Renesmee no hurt, daddy
"Daddy never wants you to hurt, Renesmee. Daddy will always protect you."
Her hand reached up to touch me, and I saw the intense look of concern on my face reflected in her mind. In juxtaposition she again displayed my awe-filled face from when I first gazed upon her.
"They are both love, Renesmee. I'm just worried about you. I want to be sure you are…happy."
Love you, daddy
Her pure thought melted me like ice-cream on a hot August afternoon. My expression must have softened and I felt the echo of joyfulness in Renesmee's growing spectrum of emotions.
"As I love you."
The flash of the camera caught me off guard. I had forgotten we were supposed to be posing.
Alice held the camera up to view the picture she had just taken.
"Oh, Edward! It's perfect!"
She turned it for me to look at and in an unexpected show of strength, Renesmee craned her neck to see it also.
To my surprise, she laughed! A squeal of unbridled delight came pouring out of her revealing a pair of deeply dimpled cheeks before she sobered at the sight of our shocked faces.
"Looks like somebody found her happy voice!" Alice said, rewarding Renesmee with a smile, and we both joined in relieved laughter. "Oh, Edward, wait until Bella sees her. She is just going to be so overjoyed!"
Mommy Bella
Renesmee's hand had not strayed very far from my cheek, and again she made contact.
She showed me each of my family members, one by one. All the images were of them smiling or laughing. I even saw myself and felt her reflecting the emotion of happiness and love. She then showed me every image she had of Bella.
Mommy Bella no happy
Her overwhelming distress at this fact cut into me. I removed her hand from my face and kissed her tiny palm reassuringly.
"Alice, she doesn't understand what's happening. Why Bella is not with us to celebrate. She can't understand why she has not seen Bella smile."
"Then show her Bella's smile," Alice shrugged.
I shot her a sharp disapproving look as Renesmee thoughts screamed in exhilaration: show Renesmee - show Mommy Bella smile!
"How do you suggest I do that?" I asked, irritated that Alice had gotten Renesmee's hopes up.
Alice crossed her arms over her chest and donned a smug smile. "I just knew that Scrap Book would come in handy..."
My wedding gift! Of course! "Alice, you are a precognitive genius." I turned to make my way upstairs to the wonderful book I knew still remained on our bed - just waiting.
"Edward!"
I stopped half way up the stairs at the sound of Alice's voice. She appeared next to me. "You may want to add to it. It could be your gift to Bella." She handed me the camera and winked.
"Yes, definitely. Thank you, Alice."
Finishing the flight of stairs at a human pace, I held Renesmee close to me as I slowly passed the room where Bella lie suspended between the life she had lived and would regrettably mostly forget, and the one that held so much longing for her return.
I picked up my pace toward our room struggling to keep focus on my goal. Renesmee would not solidify another image of Bella in her mind that didn't involve joy.
"Renesmee, I want to show you some more pictures - like the one you saw in here." I held up the camera.
Pictures Mommy Bella
"You can call her just 'mommy'. Like you call me just 'daddy'."
Renesmee crinkled her nose like she smelled something pungent.
"What?" I asked.
No like just mommy…Renesmee like mommy Bella…like momm-ah
"You want to call her momma?"
Momma!
"Clever, girl. Okay, momma it is. We'll look at pictures of momma."
As predicted the collection of our shared memories sat in the center of our large, empty bed. I froze as the recollection of the last time Bella and I lay in the bed replayed in ghostly detail before my eyes. How she had wanted intimacy that night we were alone…the night I proposed marriage and she granted my wish.
Daddy?
I swallowed the large lump in my throat before looking down at Renesmee with a smile I struggled to make look genuine. I missed Bella so much and not knowing what she was going through - to not be sharing it with her…. Maybe the pictures were exactly the distraction we both needed.
I climbed onto the bed, but sat uncertain as to how to manipulate the pages of the over-sized book and hold Renesmee at the same time. For all of my "life" experiences, having a newborn unexpectedly created a sense complete inadequateness and awkwardness.
Renesmee pushed against me in anticipation, almost turning in my arms to see the book. I decided to put her premature strength to the test. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, I nestled Renesmee into my lap with her back against me, wrapping one arm around her. With the other, I pulled the book closer and open the cover.
Momma!
She recognized Bella's image immediately and practically vibrated with excitement. Then she became very still and her thoughts were muted. I knew she was processing.
I turned past the page of Bella and me dancing at Prom.
The next page was a collage of pictures from graduation and the ensuing graduation party. Renesmee's thoughts hummed and I knew she was on information overload, so I skipped several pages ahead to the large picture of Bella and me taken for our engagement.
Love
"See momma smile, Renesmee."
She leaned against my arm, reaching toward the book. I loosened my grip around her enough so she could touch the book. While she gently patted Bella's face, my eyes strayed to the opposite page where our wedding invitation was secured above Bella's inscription:
Edward, my eternal love,
I've learned that it isn't enough for you to live only in my dreams, memories and my heart.
For dreams end, human memories fade, and hearts become still.
To that end, this book serves two purposes:
First, to document our love and our journey together. There are many more pages left to fill and I look forward with anticipation to filling them with the special days we will spend together as husband and wife.
Second, when we take that next step, and my memories leave me and my heart stills, I can again relive and cherish our days gone by.
Yours yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever
I saw a different meaning in the words this time around. I realized Bella had known, maybe even completely understood, the sacrifice she was going to make – and she had prepared for it. This book was not only the perfect gift of love, but also the perfect reminder for Bella of what she was to leave behind. And what she never wanted to forget: our journey of love.
Now I needed to continue that journey until Bella rejoined me. Glancing down at Renesmee, I ventured a guess at what she might look like by the time Bella reawakened…
"Do you want to put a picture of beautiful Renesmee in this book?"
Beautiful momma
Renesmee continued to stroke Bella's face in the photograph.
"I miss her, too. Let's put our picture in here as a surprise for momma when she wakes up."
I gathered her up and we crossed the room to my laptop. Connecting the camera to the computer, I loaded the picture. It appeared on the screen.
Renesmee bounced excitedly in my arms and thrust her hand toward me. I readily bowed my head so she could make contact, having quickly become addicted to the feel her emotions.
Daddy beautiful…love…Renesmee and daddy
Her thoughts chanted and her eyes were bright. She was pure light.
I moved the mouse and the printer responded with a whir. Renesmee's eyes grew wider at the sight of the picture emerging.
"Do you like it?"
Like daddy
Taking the picture from the printer, I returned with Renesmee cradled in my arms to the open scrap book. I turned the page to the next chapter and secured the photo.
On the page, Renesmee's image enraptured me. My, how she shined like Bella! Her glowing skin, her eyes - so deep – I knew she possessed her mother's infinite heart. Only the bronze hair that framed her cherub-like face spoke of my part in her creation.
I found myself rocking slowly to and fro as I struggled to believe what I in that book – proof. Renesmee made me believe in forever.
Even though my life was technically endless, I knew it would end someday. As would Bella's. But in Renesmee, there was hope for forever. More human than vampire, she could continue what Bella and I had started. Even if that plan did include Jacob…
Jacob.
My emotions flared and I possessively pulled Renesmee closer only to find she had fallen into peaceful sleep in my arms.
To sleep.
To dream.
Gently, I laid her between the mountains of pillows at the head of the bed and stretched out beside her as she drifted into her pastel colored dreams. The swirling hues occasionally gave way to glimpses of familiar joyful faces – even Bella's face appeared from the photographs.
I closed my eyes and drifted in her light musings for an unknown amount of time - until the dull ache in my heart started to swell painfully.
My Bella. Not floating in a cotton candy-colored heaven amidst our child's dreams, but enduring agony as her soul was being ripped from her body.
It was a disconcerting image I tried to push away, but no matter how I tried to reconcile it, no other explanation fit. Why else would the change bring about such violent and hellish pain? It was the soul unwillingly departing. Though it clung to its earthly vessel with all its might, the inevitable could not be denied. It was the payment for immortality.
But were the soulless necessarily forsaken and forgotten?
My eyes flew opened and took in the tranquil, angelic face of my sleeping newborn child. Conceived through the ultimate expression and sharing of love, she was nothing short of a true miracle. The answer was right there before me. I just needed to accept it - I had not been cursed by God. Indeed, I had many blessing bestowed upon me.
Warmth spread through my chest. Carlisle had been right all along. It was about choices and who we chose to be. Our sacrifices did have heavenly rewards that could be found on this Earth.
I reached slowly to stroke Renesmee's cheek with the back of my hand, touching her just lightly enough to feel her warmth without disturbing her slumber.
I could feel it was time.
The notes danced my head, ushering me forward and urging me to make them exist outside of the confines of my mind. Sitting down, I felt a twinge of guilt at seeing the fine covering of dust. Smoothing my hand over the polished wood I reconciled with the instrument I wasn't sure I'd ever be motivated to play again. The thought of losing Bella and stress of first denying then fearing for my child - music appeared to be a comfort I would never indulge in again as it would be unfair for my beautiful piano to only make sounds of mourning.
Music was my true reflection.
"For Bella."
I meant to only think the words, but they came out of my mouth in a resolved tone. The house fell silent as I laid my fingers on the keys. I played our song.
My throat constricted as relief flowed out my body, through my fingers and into the music. I never thought my family would be able to hear the tale of love I had documented in notes and given to Bella as a wedding gift. The song she and I had danced to in the moonlight on Isle Esme.
But as I came close to the climactic ending, new strains were spontaneously added to the continuing story.
Describing Renesmee in music came naturally and easily. The bounce of her curls, the dimples in her smile, and the swirl of her dreams coursed from my mind and fingers as if the melody was always there, just waiting to be played.
I hoped the sound filled Renesmee's ears and she would know how much she was loved. And I prayed the familiar love song would reach Bella where ever she was and guide her back to me quickly - safely.
My emotions poured into my instrument until I realized I had begun playing Bella's lullaby. I abruptly stopped. I needed to be with her - now.
I slipped from the bench, passing Esme, who appeared to be weeping as Carlisle stood behind her, his arms wrapped protectively around her shoulders. Up the stairs I flew, searching for Jasper's mind and some clue to Bella's current condition.
Instead, I saw Alice's face, her brow furrowed. Jasper's thoughts were conflicted and he was waiting for Alice's counsel. My feet sped up as my mind raced. What had Jasper so concerned?
They seemed surprised by my arrival.
"What's wrong? What's going on with Bella?"
Alice spoke first, "Edward, nothing is wrong. Your playing was exquisite."
I launched into Alice's mind, but found her focus on Renesmee. Jumping back to Jasper, I was amazed to find a totally blank mind! What was so dangerous for me to view that he had managed to blank his mind out completely?
"Jasper, brother, tell me! Is Bella okay?"
Alice rose from her chair, her arms out before her. "Edward, everything is fine. Jasper is just – focusing – Renesmee is – distracting. You know, heartbeat and all…"
"Yes," Jasper responded stoically as he stood. "Excuse me, Edward."
He left the room, his posture stiff.
"Alice, what aren't you telling me?"
"I was concerned. I still cannot see Renesmee. Her future is unknown." She shrugged. "I guess it's because I'm not familiar with her…unique existence. It's unsettling and Jasper was trying to help me and focus himself. Just overwhelming I guess. All these changes so quickly..."
I doubted her words, and stole a glance at Bella. Her face remained an emotionless mask.
"Do you know how long?" I asked the question I could no longer contain.
"She is changing quickly, but I can't say for certain yet."
The roller coaster of emotional highs and lows I had been experiencing in such a short span of time had me feeling drained. I fell into Jasper's empty chair next to Alice, my eyes stubbornly cast toward the floor. I was still feeling ambiguity about Bella's physical change. I had loved her the way she was and never had the desire to change her in anyway. I had no right to change her…
We sat for some time in silence before Alice attempted to reach me.
"It's okay, Edward," Alice reassured and took my hand in hers.
I raised my eyes to meet hers. Don't wallow in guilt, Edward. This is the happy ending you both deserve. The beginning of forever. Go ahead... really look at her, look at your future.
Pulling my eyes from Alice's face, I stole a look at Bella - and instantly fell in love with her all over again.
She seemed at peace. Like in a deep sleep. Around her face, he dark hair had taken on a sheen much more brilliant than what it had ever possessed, even before her life-ending pregnancy stole the shine away. It looked darker, thicker. Or was it that her complexion appeared paler, more perfected?
As I gazed upon her face, I could see her lips had taken on a soft, warm pink color, resembling the petals of a pale rose. My observations traveled down her flowing, strong jaw line, smooth neck, and extended across her snowy shoulders. I had covered Bella after bathing her and now I longed to see how much of her was healed under the concealing sheet.
Alice cleared her throat, a totally unnecessary action. Abashed, my eyes shot back to the floor.
"I'll just leave the two of you alone now."
I opened my mouth to object and my fingers tightened around Alice's hand. I felt…nervous…to be alone with Bella. What if she awoke in excruciating pain or began to scream out inconsolably? What would I do? What could I do?
Alice squeezed my hand. "Be her anchor, Edward. I don't know if she can hear you or feel you, but if she can, your presence will be a great comfort. We're all here to help if needed, you know that."
"Will you check on Renesmee for me?"
"Of course." Then she giggled, "Poor baby will be lucky to ever be set down again! You do know she is going to be the most spoiled child on this planet."
"I'm counting on it."
I released Alice's hand.
She stood and drifted over to Bella. "We love you, Bella. Hurry back." She leaned over and placed a light kiss on Bella's cheek, keeping her eyes on Bella's face. She had been hoping for a reaction of some sort…
I watched Alice move towards the door, then she paused and turned. "Can I ask one tiny little favor, Edward?" She brought forefinger and thumb almost together indicating how "tiny" of a favor she meant, but I knew better…
"Yes, fine." I grudgingly granted Alice's unspoken request. "You can dress Bella for her reawakening, just make it appropriate. She's going to need to hunt immediately."
A variety of colors and styles flew through Alice's mind at breakneck speed as she rushed out of the room before I could change my mind. None of what I glimpsed seemed remotely appropriate.
In the still room, Bella's heart beat faster than the ticks of Carlisle's desk clock. Why he found that endless ticking comforting, I'll never understand. Unless…it did remind him of a beating heart.
I glanced behind me at the clock's hands and was amazed to find eighteen hours had passed since I effected Bella's change!
Feeling a need to reacquaint myself with my wife, I knelt on the floor before reaching under the sheet to remove Bella's hand. I closed my eyes and held her hand to my lips.
Her skin did not sear them with heat.
Instead, I was comforted.
I breathed in her flesh.
It did not cloud my mind.
It actually unburdened it.
She was the most wonderful bouquet of flavors and smells, even with the intrusive sting of cleaning products. Her scent defied definition, but at the same time it was still uniquely Bella and so suited to me. How I anticipated its final glory!
She had worried I would not continue be drawn to her – how wrong it was for her to fret. I pulled in her fragrance again, more deeply. It was still my drug, but now - now I didn't have to contain its effect on me. I could intoxicate myself with it forever and never fear the consequences.
"Bella?" My voice came out as a strained whisper, my longing for her almost painful. Containing my emotions, I tried again. "Bella, my love? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, Bella."
Nothing.
Maybe it was another blessing to count. Was God rewarding her kind nature by muting her pain? Did He answer my prayer?
The thought of blessings had my mind and ears searching the house. Renesmee continued to sleep with Rosalie and Alice watching over her. Carlisle tapped away on his keyboard in Esme's office. Emmett and Jasper debated imprinting, and Emmett announced he'd be taking bets on Bella's reaction to the news. He was certain the newborn in Bella would have Jacob's throat. Since Bella never actually did what was expected, I'd have to make sure I bet against Em's prediction. Although…if he was right…
A tender voice with thoughts to match caught my attention. Esme was talking to someone. Focusing on her alone, I listened to her words to discover who she was comforting…
"I know. (quiet pause) Yes, I do understand your concern. As a parent, I can only imagine what you are going through. But Charlie, please believe that Carlisle is doing everything he can at the CDC to get answers for you and help Bella recover. You will be the first one I contact as soon as I get any word. I'm so sorry for what has happened and the effect it has had on you."
I knew sweet Esme would run over to Charlie's in a flash if she could. She would hold his hand and quell his fears as she had done for us on so many occasions. After all, he was family now.
Guilt pinched my chest – I was the cause of the pain he didn't deserve. I took Bella from him. And now he had a granddaughter he would never be able to dote over. It didn't feel right, it wasn't fair to him. Esme's words truly held more meaning than Charlie would ever know.
I heard Esme set the phone down. The conversation must have ended abruptly. She sighed and thanked Jasper.
I focused my attention back on Bella.
Selfishly, I spend the rest of the day and night in Bella's presence, only stepping out of the room briefly to hover in the hall while Alice dressed her. She kept her mind busy with assurances of how pleased I'd be with Bella's appearance, but I had to leave the sheet over her and not peek so I wouldn't ruin "the big reveal". It was all window dressing to me – Bella's beauty had always come from within her.
In a blind attempt to provide comfort, I lay next to Bella, holding her close to my side. When my anxiety would threaten to overwhelm me, I paced or sat at her bedside, counting her heart beats and respirations while I held her hand or soothingly stroked her forehead.
Her appearance continued to change slowly, almost imperceptibly, even to my eyes. As I watched her I listened to the sounds downstairs, the movements and the comings and goings of my family. Finally, Jacob's arrival…
I also kept a watchful eye over Renesmee through my family's eyes, being careful to steer clear of Jacob's mind. Everyone enjoyed her presence and she dazzled them with her intellect and natural charm. Though I longed to hold her, I knew no one would bring Renesmee here – it was deemed too risky should Bella suddenly awaken.
Renesmee continued to grow. I listened to Carlisle take his measurements and work to understand what was happening to her and what the consequences might be. His thoughts were worried.
I, too, worried about my child. And Bella….
Time seemed endless as my anxiety over Bella's stillness grew exponentially with each tick of Carlisle's clock.
Although her heart continued to pick up pace, she remained still. I became more dismayed when I compared her transformation to others I had witnessed. The scenes of Rosalie and Emmett's transformations played like horror movies in my mind. The way the wailed, writhed, and begged for death. Would I prefer seeing Bella like that if it provided me the reassurance I needed that her transformation was progressing "normally"? Maybe her injuries were just too severe. Maybe the venom couldn't reach some parts of her body to repair the damage. If that was true, what would be the end result for Bella?
Again, I began to pace the room.
Eventually Carlisle entered the room, apparently at Jasper's exasperated request.
He smiled reassuringly as he slid into vampire-doctor mode, immediately assessing Bella's condition.
"Still no change?"
"None."
"There's no scent of morphine left." The venom must have consumed it.
"I know."
But still she shows no signs of pain and remains unconscious. It's intriguing. "Bella? Can you hear me?" Carlisle asked in a strong voice. Maybe he hoped to startle Bella and draw a reaction of some kind.
"Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes? Can you squeeze my hand?"
I spoke softly before taking one of her hands in mine, and then the other. But still nothing. My concern was overwhelming me.
"Maybe…Carlisle, maybe I was too late."
"Listen to her heart, Edward. It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so vital. She'll be perfect." If you don't believe me, at least listen to Alice! She's seen her.
It wasn't Alice's cheery future visions I needed right now. It was Carlisle's past experience I wanted.
"And her—her spine?"
"Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The venom will heal her as it did Esme."
"But she's so still. I must have done something wrong."
Even to my own ears I sounded like a child begging for the conviction of parental support. In response, Carlisle, ever the compassionate and patient man, placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Or something right, Edward. Son, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have had the persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine."
I needed him to quell one more concern before I could relent…
"She must be in agony."
"We don't know that. She had so much morphine in her system. We don't know the effect that will have on her experience."
I ran my fingers through my hair roughly. I was too afraid to ask the last question that lingered in my mind: how much of Bella's memory would be erased by the venom? What if she didn't remember me…us…
I took Bella's hand and kissed the soft, warm inner crease of her elbow. My lips discerned the slightly raised scar.
"Bella, I love you."
But the words didn't adequately cover all I was feeling.
"Bella, I'm sorry."
Carlisle continued to sit with me as if he anticipated more questions, but I didn't have any I wished to voice. No one had the answers I sought except Bella, and she wasn't cooperating.
Edward, you've been in this room too long. You need to hunt. I'll accompany you, if you'd like.
"No, I'm staying right here."
Jacob is here, as you probably know. Jasper advised him to leave before Bella wakes, but he insists on staying with Renesmee – to say he's very concerned for her welfare would be an understatement. In fact, he insists on taking Renesmee away from the house, but Rose is naturally being a bit possessive of Renesmee and won't allow it.
I had been listening to the quarrel for some time. The thought of Renesmee out of my sight was not agreeable. As Rose was winning the argument, I had done nothing to intervene. "They'll sort it out."
"An interesting situation. And I thought I'd seen just about everything." I never saw this turn of events coming…It presents some unique challenges, beyond the battles between Rose and Jacob...
"I'll deal with it later." Alice's words from our conversation on Isle Esme came back to me. Her reminder that I wasn't an island anymore, and my understanding that Bella was no longer a fragile human in need of my constant protection. "We'll deal with it later."
I placed a kiss into her silky palm.
"I'm sure between the five of us, we can keep it from turning into bloodshed," Carlisle lightly joked hoping to ease the tension in the room. I attempted to follow his lead.
"I don't know which side to take. I'd love to flog them both. Well, later."
"I wonder what Bella will think – whose side she'll take."
Reflecting on Em's wager, I let out a knowing laugh, "I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does."
Time for Renesmee's measurements. I have some preliminary thoughts on her growth. Maybe we could discuss it later?
I nodded at Carlisle as he left the room.
I continued to count the ticks of the clock and Bella's accelerating heart, not to mark time, but to pass time. Alice's eventual arrival at my side with a look of barely restrained excitement gave me hope.
"How much longer?"
"It won't be long now. See how clear she'd becoming. I can see her so much better."
The vision of Bella in Alice's mind brought me immeasurable comfort. It wouldn't be much longer. Easing up a bit, I took a moment to taunt her about her lack of vision around Renesmee. Fortunately, the pain Alice had experienced was gone, but she was still frustrated. The visions of Bella disappeared from her mind to be replaced be Alice's determination to figure out a way around the wolves and Renesmee's disappearing act.
"Focus, Alice."
Oh, sorry, Edward. "Right. Bella's almost too easy to see now."
Bella was clear in Alice's mind. She was by my side…my arms around her waist as she smiled. "She's really going to be fine," I sighed.
"Of course she is." Didn't I show you that from the very beginning? Never bet against me, Edward.
"You weren't so sanguine two days ago."
"I couldn't see right two days ago. But now that she's free of all the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."
Alice's mind drifted to the vision I resisted in her head when my feelings for Bella were first disclosed to the family.
"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock – give me an estimate." My anticipation was building.
"So impatient," she teased. Fine. Give me a sec –"
It all was so sharp.
"Thank you, Alice." She departed with a grin.
Within the hour Bella would return to me! My delight was only damped by the fact I knew what it meant. The sound of Bella's heart would soon be silenced forever. Each beat became precious.
Unexpectedly, Bella's heart thrummed in perfect time with Renesmee's downstairs. The sound filled every inch of the room with its urgency.
"Carlisle."
I needed him to be here.
He rushed in with Alice not far behind.
Edward?
"Listen."
"Ah, it's almost over," he acknowledged the implication.
I could tell he also had mixed feelings and I pushed back against his memories of hearing my, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett's last heart beats.
Time for our plan. So very "soon. I'll get the others. Should I have Rosalie -"
I saw the plan the family had concocted to keep Renesmee and Jacob safe. It was rigid, but considering the unpredictability of newborn emotions and the very predictable driving thirst, I couldn't really disagree with their approach.
"Yes – keep the baby away."
What I saw next pulled the air from my lungs. Bella's right index and middle finger twitched. Flexed and released! "Bella?"
I took her hand in mine, straining to sense her squeezing me in return.
"Bella, love?" Please!
It's time! "I'll bring them right up," Alice spoke from the background and sped from the room.
Carlisle faded back several steps.
I kneeled at Bella's side, holding her hand in both of mine and pressing it into my chest with an unrestrained grip. My now unbreakable Bella.
Her human heart raged, fighting to endure. But its work was done. The venom had been delivered and now it was completing the loop back to her heart. Her heart would rest now – forever more.
Its thunderous drumming drowned out the racing footsteps of my approaching siblings. Breathlessly we all anticipated the last moist thump. I was embraced by the excitement surrounding their presence and in their thoughts.
I felt my future balancing on this single moment.
Behind me, so much had changed since I first laid eyes on Bella, since I first took in the scent of my one singer.
My silent-minded Bella had irrevocably changed me in every conceivable way.
She removed my mask and loved me for who I was - all my flaws, mistakes, and inhumanness.
I was destructor turned protector, from nothing to a husband and father.
In complete faith, she had bound her existence to mine.
She had made me a believer. No longer could I wait for what I knew our future could be…
"I'm here, Bella. Come back to me, my eternal love," I whispered inaudibly above the loud erratic bounding of her dying heart.
A final shutter followed by dead silence.
There was a collective gasp as Bella's lavender lids fluttered…
And flew open.
My last A/N: All good things must come to an end! Now don't moan! We all know what happens after she awakens as we are mercifully allowed back into Bella's mind.
Thank you so much for reading! My heart is filled with emotion at the end of this (almost) two year journey of composing this fanfic (if you've stuck with this story that long, you deserve sainthood! I am not known for my rapid updating!). This is the story that started it all for me – my discovery of Twililght fanfiction. Little did I know, this emotional outlet and tinkering hobby would lead me to find some of the most wonderful women in the world. I have learned much and made some very true friends. My life has irrevocably changed by what I have found in this fandom. It has been a blessing.
Finally, at the end of this journey, if you could share any thoughts and feelings in a review/comment (especially if I haven't heard from you yet - if you enjoyed the story, think of a comment as "payment" of sorts), it would be most appreciated and received.
Want more Honeymoon Suite stuff? I made a video with pics and clips from Breaking Dawn, as well as quotes from my story. A great way to end the reading of this fanfic. You can find it on YouTube at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=XfpXgqbz1Vo. And recently completed (10/27/11), a video Wedding Album! View it at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=3KSDRAnlex8 (the direct links are also on my ffn profile).
I am considering some outtakes – behind the scenes of this behind the scenes story. And I would like your ideas! What would you like to peek into? The cottage scene (uh, yeah, that cottage scene!)? More grandma and papa Cullen? Or maybe you'd like to know what was going on with Jasper as Bella was transforming? I'm open to suggestions! And do keep this story on your alert list!
I'd also like to announce I am working on a NEW STORY. The title is Future Imperfect. It's a B&E-centric AU story that also introduces a new character and a new romance! Here's a teaser summary:
"But I do want to go. Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want – I want to be human a little while longer…" (Bella to Edward, Breaking Dawn). Bella does not become pregnant on Isle Esme, and after their honeymoon, she delays her change and moves with Edward to New Hampshire to attend Dartmouth. But one night several months later, Bella is killed in a fiery car accident. Or was she? Rated M. Weekly updates!
Interested? Link to it through my profile or at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6735446/1/Future_Imperfect
Last, but definitely not least, I need to thank the h00rs from the DW for their friendship and love, in addition to the awesome reviewers who regularly cheered me on and shared their reactions to chapters – I hope you know I consider you my RL friends. I especially want to thank RosaBella75/IslandWoman221 – we met through this story and now have a wonderful transcontinental love affair! Finally, to my Mistress, RowanMoon, you've held my hand and raised me up – thank you!
Bless you all.