I stare at her, my mouth agape as she blinks calmly at me.
This must be a joke. It isn't real. It can't be.
"Everdeen, snap out of it," Boggs grunts from behind. I don't even bother to look at him, instead, closing my eyes and pulling in a rattling breath.
All eyes are on me now.
"What happened?" My words are barely audible, cresting lightly and echoing in the room. Over her shoulder Pollux gestures widely, his arms moving as though tossing something that explodes. The frown settles in before I can stop it.
"Something exploded? But she doesn't have any wounds!" I shout, looking her over again for any note that I've missed something. I come up empty as my eyes once again meet hers. She looks like a frightened child who would shy away from all of us if not for my arms wrapped around her waist.
Out of the corner of my eye, Pollux moves again, shaking his head wildly 'no' and gesturing again. This time his fingers flutter and float towards his nostrils until he sniffs audibly and coughs.
"Gas?" Delly gasps, and hurtles herself to the floor before Katniss. Taking up her hands quickly, the blond girl kneels in front of her face and breathes deeply. "You are Katniss Everdeen. You are seventeen years old. You have a younger sister, Primrose Everdeen who you love more than your own life. You survived the Hunger Games, twice. You love this man, Peeta Mellark-"
Her words ramble on and I stare at her bewildered.
"What are you doing?" I ask, interrupting Delly's recount of the last few months. Delly shoots me a look, glaring at Boggs over my shoulder.
"Come on Mellark, give her some space," Boggs insists, pulling my shoulder backwards. When did he get so close?
"No!" I shout and reach for Katniss' hand, pulling it from Delly's. "I'm not leaving her! What are you doing?" I ask again, fighting against the grip that's pulling me back.
"She's restoring her memory, Peeta. If she doesn't do it right now, Katniss could lose everything. Now get back!" Boggs pulls me once again and puts a few feet between myself and Katniss. I have no choice but to watch helplessly as Delly recalls everything that she knows about us. I can't help but think that's it's not enough. It'll never be enough. Even I don't know enough.
It's forty minutes before Delly pauses, looking up at me with a look I can't decipher.
"We need to move, we've been here too long," she states carefully, watching me for some reaction. All I can do is nod, too exhausted to do anything else. "How about you take her? Tell her about whatever you remember. Just keep her awake. Anything you tell her she'll remember and it'll pull out any memories she has. The gas, if it's the same stuff I saw, works to eliminate memories while the victim is awake - falling asleep gives them time to be completely wiped. The more we tell her while she's awake, the better her memory will be after she wakes up tomorrow," Delly pauses, allowing the information that she's just told me to sink in as she grabs my hand. "Do you understand, Peeta?"
"Yes," My voice is weak and I have to swallow the lump in my throat.
I can't lose her now. Not after everything.
And so we stand, Gale on one side while I bracket her on the other. It takes us a moment to get oriented, but then we're off, weaving through the tunnels that will hopefully lead us out of this hell.
After an hour I'm looping back on myself, restating what I remember which is still limited at best since my torture.
"When you were fourteen, Katniss," I pause, stopping to catch my breath as she sags against us. "I baked a cake for your Reaping. I remember thinking that when you showed up at our door with Gale that morning, I'd never seen you look more terrified. You'd joked that your name was in the bowl more than there were Merchant kids in the District. I wasn't supposed to hear it, but I did. And I made you a cake because I thought that if you made it, you deserved it for everything that you've sacrificed. But I never gave it to you because my mother sold it to the florist for their Reaping celebration and you'd disappeared too quickly afterwards anyways."
"We went to the forest and pulled in that buck you shot that morning, right Katnip?" Gale added softly. I realized then that he remembered so much and we weren't using it.
"Keep going," I urged quietly, meeting his gaze head on as we moved forward again.
We walked together for another hour as Gale recounted all the years that I had no part of. He laughed when he recalled Katniss' mission to get Lady pregnant, and the way she'd had no idea how to barter. With every story, I found myself loving her more and more while gaining a new found appreciation for Gale and how he'd kept her together, kept her alive, for so long after her father died.
Gale was just starting to round out the story of her first brush with Peacekeepers and poaching when we rounded the last corner and found ourselves breathing in fresh forested air.
"The hovercraft will be here at dusk," Delly whispered, stepping onto the grass hesitantly. When nothing burst out to harm us, we all followed suit into the open air.
Back in District 13 I paced. Katniss had slept the whole way home, not waking even to eat or use the washroom. It had been a long ride home, silent and tense. Nobody was willing to think about the deaths of Aurelius or Lily.
Lily. We hadn't even told Katniss about this. We couldn't bear it. I know they'd left that up to me, to tell her one day if she asked. But the consensus, although not mentioned, was that perhaps she was just better maybe not knowing.
It made my gut rot. Sure, there had been tension between them that didn't seem to ever let up. Not to mention the way that Lily had shut off when her husband had died which had forced Katniss to be the parent. But still, it felt wrong not to include the memory of her mother in her recall. Like too much could be disposed of without it. Especially now that we were back and Prim was being summoned to our medical room.
That was something that I didn't know how to deal with. What would I say to her? What could I say?
After arriving back in the loading bay, not many questions had been asked. They didn't yet seem to know if Snow had been killed or not – hell, we weren't too sure either at this point. But I'd seen Coin standing off to the side as I disembarked, her scowl betraying her usual cool demeanor and I knew something more than just my reappearance was going on. The only thing holding me back from leaping at her had been Boggs' hand wrapped around my wrist and the fact that Katniss was quickly being taken to the medical ward. We'd all headed our own ways at that point; Gale and Delly to find Prim, Boggs to Command, and Pollux to find his partner, Cressida.
On and on I paced, waiting for someone, anyone to show up and break this pattern of the steady clicking machines. I felt like I was slowly going crazy, waiting for a dam to break and the water to flood in and suffocate me. Waiting for Coin to show up and kill us both. Waiting for Prim to forsake Katniss. Waiting for Katniss to wake up and forsake me. Though I was waiting for it, the knock on the door still startled me.
"Come in?" The door swung open at my words and Haymitch stumbled in, flask clasped tightly in his palm.
"You bastard," He coughed, slinging the flask to the ground and stepping menacingly towards me. I flinched, unsure of what he was about to do when he stalked forward and forced his palm against my chest. But it wasn't me he was after. In another second he was leaning over Katniss' bedside, his body shaking with rage as his hand was raised to her face. I leapt at him, grabbing his hand mid-air and staring wide eyed.
When his gaze met mine, I recoiled. The man was distraught. His eyes were red and there were tears on his cheeks. My hand slipped from his and he turned back to the bed, lifting his fingers to brush across Katniss' forehead so gently I didn't think he had it in him.
"She's going to be fine," I murmured as he stroked the wisps of hair back from her face. I wasn't sure what was causing this but it shook me to have Haymitch fall apart. He was the parent in this weird thing we called a family and he didn't ever break down.
"I know kid, I know," He replied, all the anger gone from his tone.
It was a long while before he spoke again, finally turning to me while his hands remained gripped on the metal of the bed.
"She wasn't supposed to go," He states evenly. I don't interrupt, letting him continue. "We knew something was up, that Coin was trying to finish her. She's been getting tests for whatever's wrong with her. But she went on the mission anyways. We got the report while you were in air that three of you didn't make it but they didn't specify who. I thought for sure it was you two."
I take a step back from him, leaning against the wall and watching Katniss as she continues to sleep on the bed behind him. She was getting tests? It wasn't just her hip? She wasn't supposed to go on the rescue mission? The realizations are baffling and I try to pull it all together.
"What was wrong with her?" I ask carefully, trying to get the information that nobody seems willing to tell me. Haymitch watches me with wary eyes and then frowns.
"We think it might be arsenic."
I balk. I want to vomit. I know what arsenic is. We used to keep it around the bakery to keep the rat population under control near the dumpsters.
"Is she alright? Is she… Is it…?" I don't want to say the name. Not here. But he knows who I'm talking about. He has to.
He nods.
"Now that we think we know what it is, we just need to try the treatment. Her mother was going to run the process but now," He stops short and pulls in a breath, his hand reaching to rub his scruff roughly. Lily Everdeen is dead. "I don't trust anyone else to do it." He finishes and turns back to where she rests behind him.
The room is silent for a while, the only sound in addition to the machines is our breathing as we both settle down to wait her out.
About an hour later we're pulled from our silence by Prim, running through the door and crashing past Haymitch towards Katniss' bed side. Gale and Delly follow soon after, meeting my gaze and holding it for a moment. I can see it in Gale first – he's told Prim about her mother. My chest tightens as I look towards the little girl who's curling up into the bed next to her sister, the tears coating her cheeks rubbing off on the sheets.
"She knew, Peeta," Delly states quietly, taking my hand with her free one. I can't help but notice she's gripping Gale's with her other.
"It's better this way." I state, nodding. Thankful that I won't have to be the bearer of that news.
And then it comes to me – Prim. Prim knows medical stuff. Prim can help us with the poisoning. Prim.
Stepping forward, I grab Haymitch's arm and pull him into the hallway. "Prim can do it – she has to. We trust her, right? She'll do it, whatever needs to be done."
Haymitch nods, taking my arm and moving me back to the room. "How about we get past this hurdle first," He reminds and closes the door once we're both back in the room.
The wait continues.
It's been a whole day.
Prim asked us all to leave while she cleaned her sister up at one point. I stayed, refusing to leave and helping to hold her in place while we bathed her of the mission's remnants. If it were any other time, I'd want her to be awake, but I know that right now she'd only be embarrassed by me being here. I try to keep my eyes averted anyways.
When we're done and she's back in bed, Finnick arrives, cane in his belt and a plate of food clutched in his hand.
"When she wakes up, we're leaving." He sounds so sure. He'll keep his promise. He will.
"When she wakes up," I agree. We settle down to eat while she lays motionless still.
It's the middle of the night when she finally stirs, her body moving ever so slightly as she pulls back to life. Prim notices first, still wrapped up against her sister. When it happens, she shoots up and her eyes find mine in the darkness. I'm by their side in an instant, my fingers brushing against Katniss' cheek softly. In the corner, Haymitch, the only one left, waits silently.
"Hey, hey," Prim coos, having left the bed and now standing face level with her sister. Slowly, Katniss' eyes open and she stares blankly for just a moment. In that second my worst fears feel confirmed. And then she blinks. And smiles. "Welcome back," Prim adds quietly.
"That was very stupid of me," She jokes and coughs, her voice rough from lack of use. My hands find hers and grip tightly, drawing her eyes to meet with mine. For another moment, they look unsure, careful. I'm terrified. "Peeta?" She rasps.
I want to pull her close. I want to curl up next to her.
"We're safe now," I state clearly, hoping she remembers what it was all for. She nods slowly, digesting the news.
"Everything is fuzzy," She whispers then, looking between Prim and I, searching us for something that we don't have. "I don't think I remember everything. What happened?"
"It's some kind of drug. Delly can tell you everything when you see her." I reply. Without really thinking about it, I've pulled her hand to my face and hold her cool fingers against my cheek. The tension I've been building in my chest seems to lessen at the contact. Her small smile appears and I remember when I'd first come here, to District 13, when all I'd wanted was to see her smile through the window to my room. "Finnick is going to take us away from here." I promise. Her eyes flicker to Prim and I nod slowly, indicating that yes, she'll be with us.
We're a package deal. We're a family. Even if not by blood, Katniss, Prim, and Haymitch are my family.
"Still kicking there, Sweetheart?" Haymitch grunts from behind me, finally stepping forward out of the shadows. I watch as Katniss rolls her eyes and looks at him.
"More alive than I've ever been, old man," She jokes and moves to sit up. It takes a lot of effort, but she refuses the help we offer and finally comes to rest against the pillows of her bed. When she looks at me again, her smile has grown and I know in that instant that something has for once gone right. "I think we did it."
Haymitch is breathing down my neck now, staring at us and Prim.
"Did what, Sweetheart?"
"He was unconscious and bleeding when I was knocked out. I know I shouldn't be happy – I put a bullet through a man's chest – but I am. I am so happy. I think he's dead. I think he's dead!" Her words pick up in pitch and border on frantic as she repeats the phrasing, each time getting louder. None of us say a word, recognizing the delirious way she's almost chanting.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I am. But the way she's reacting is unnerving. Almost like she's about to crack. I can't let her. Without thinking, I crawl into the bed next to her and pull her close, tucking her against my chest and holding my hand against her collarbone.
"Katniss, breathe with me, okay?" I beg, pushing her back against my chest and breathing deep. If nothing else, I'll stop her from this bordering panic attack that's clawing its way out of her.
Together we seem to work it through as Haymitch and Prim watch on, not quite sure of what to do. It doesn't take long before her breathing is calmer and she's shaking slightly. I don't let go.
"Shh, it's done. We're safe," I don't say it, but we're only partially safe. We need to get out of District 13 still. But we'll think of that tomorrow. For tonight, we'll all stay in this room and watch over each other. That's what we'll do.
AN: Guilt makes me write faster. Also, being bored at work. Alas, I think maybe one or two chapters left, then possibly epilogue? Hope your Monday's aren't as terrible as mine is going to be. Wish me luck.