Ch. 24 - Wordcraft

It is a kind of triumph
To see them and to put them down
As what they are. The inadequacy
Of the living, animal language drives
Us all to metaphor and an attempt
To organize the spaces we think
We have made occur between the words.
- Approaches to How They Behave, W.S. Graham

It didn't take more than a few days for Andromeda's disappearance to become the hottest topic to burn through Hogwart's grapevine since James and Lily started finally dating. Fortunately enough, the people who connected Ted's disappearance to hers were few and far between, and because he was a Muggleborn and Andromeda was a Pureblood it was mostly delegated to 'coincidence'. Of course there were exceptions to every rule and the conspiracy theorists absolutely loved the idea that the two of them ran away together and would tell anyone who would listen – 'what a tragic love story,' they'd say. Despite the fact that Andromeda was pregnant, it appeared that she and Ted did a better job at keeping their relationship a secret than I originally gave them credit for because no one could really connect the two of them – they had different classes, different interests, different friends.

It made me wonder how they managed to make their relationship work. Then again, for all my realism, I am a believer in 'some things are meant to be'.

Bellatrix was fit to lose her grip on reality, trying to bully answers out of anyone who might have any information on her sister. So I wasn't surprised when she cornered me in the girl's bathroom the day before her parents were to come to the school.

I was washing my hands when her reflection stepped in behind me. The two other girls that had been gossiping in the corner went immediately pale and all but ran from the bathroom upon seeing Bella enter. I sighed seeing the two girls flee, but it was the sort of thing that Bellatrix relished in, a reputation she carefully cultivated and lent to the rumor that she lived purely on dragon's blood and spite.

It wasn't that Bellatrix was intimidating because she wasn't. She was my height and was so thin that a stiff wind could have carried her away, there couldn't have been an inch of muscle on her frame. But Bella balanced on a precarious edge that made her dangerous, teetering between tolerably neurotic and psychotic. And it didn't take much for the balance to shift, at the drop of a hat Bellatrix could and would change. I'd seen it in hazing and teasing and jokes gone too far, that stopped being funny ten minutes before she decided she was bored. She was like the cat who played with the mouse, and grew bored only when the mouse resigned itself to its fate, and when she let the mouse limp away, let it think that it had survived something horrible – pounced upon it and ate it.

She said nothing for a long while, merely stared through me with her half-crazed leer, her lips pressed into a thin line. I immediately took notice of her wand, loosely held in her hand and searched the mirror's reflections for an exit. This bathroom was not in between two corridors and so only possessed one exit – and Bella was blocking it. If she was going to try to turn this confrontation into a duel, the only place for me to seek cover would be the stalls themselves.

I swallowed down the anxiety trying to crowd itself in my throat. "I see you're as communicative as ever, Bellatrix," I commented, dryly.

She blinked and her gaze refocused, the lights flickering in the dead, fathomless depths of her eyes so void of anything that it sent a chill down my spine. "Where is my sister, Elaina?" she demanded, her voice deadly calm.

Glancing at the clock hung above the door I replied, "I'd imagine she's at lunch right about now."

Immediately her wand came up and the fact that she leveled it with my throat wasn't lost on me. I kept my gaze level with her own, however, hoping that she wouldn't notice my hand slowly venturing to where I kept my wand. "I'm warning you," Bellatrix stated. "Do not try me, I know you had something to do with Andromeda running away, and you are going to tell me where she went."

I sucked in a breath through my teeth. "See, that is going to be a problem because I don't actually know where she is right now. My guess is as good as anyone else's."

Bellatrix made a noise that couldn't rightfully be called a laugh because it raised all the hair on my arms. "You're forgetting, Elaina, I know about your little curse. I can follow your word games, how you use semantics to your advantage to make a truth out of a lie. You may not know where she is right this instant, but you know where she was going."

The smile that sketched itself across my lips was unintentional. Because most people do not fully understand the nuances of speech and linguistics, they would have found my curse debilitating. A lot of times I did, but words were both my prison and the key to the lock. Wordcraft is a skill one hones just as one would any other physical skill - the more you practice the better you become. Simple things could turn a truth into a lie and vice versa, all it took was a change of tone, a turn of a phrase, an omission or inclusion - specifics that most people wouldn't think of in everyday conversation because they never had to.

"Your deductive skills amaze me," I replied, "but I'd really like to see you try to prove it because think about it, at this point it's your 'feeling' against my word."

Too easily, I slipped back into the manipulative person I used to be as I felt my upper lip curl and the corner of my mouth twist into an ironic smirk. Bellatrix must have thought I didn't have it in me anymore to pull a power play, she thought I had grown weak. But the ease with which it came back made my stomach roil, and I pushed the feeling away forcefully because at the moment it was the person I needed to be. I needed to be high and mighty Elaina Cochran who never backed down, never let herself be intimidated, I needed to exude that air of superiority otherwise Bellatrix would try to walk all over me. I had to make her believe I held all the cards.

"Who do you think they're going to believe, Bell?" I asked, innocently. "Your hunch, or Elaina Cochran who never lies because she can't."

"But how many people know that?" she countered. "You wouldn't risk exposing your little secret to protect Andromeda."

Ah. So there it was. It wasn't that Bellatrix didn't think I wasn't the person I used to be, she thought I still was the selfish girl who only thought about protecting herself and what was best for her, who did things only if they benefitted her… Unfortunately, she wasn't entirely wrong. Before my parents died, I probably wouldn't have risked exposing my secret to protect Andromeda and Ted, and truthfully, I probably still wouldn't… but Bellatrix didn't need to know that.

"I suppose I can see how you'd think that because you think you still know me," I told her and also realized maybe I was still more the person I used to be than I thought and again my stomach rolled over itself at the idea.

"People don't change," Bellatrix sneered, but she lowered her wand. "It doesn't matter anyway, my parents are coming tomorrow and I will make sure that one of the first people they question is you."

I couldn't help the dark chuckle that pressed itself through my lips. "We'll see how that goes for them because I told your sister that your parents wouldn't get anything out of me…" again the shift in my mouth as the wicked grin stretched itself across my face, "… and it hadn't been a lie."

There was the sudden shift in Bellatrix, the whip-cord snap in the collapse of her features and the void of her eyes ignited. I had tipped the scale, pushed her too far. I had antagonized her the entire conversation, rubbing her nose in the fact that, yes, I did know where Andromeda was and no, I was not going to tell her. I played with fire and now, I was going to get burned.

Her wand came up faster than I anticipated so I had no time to block or repel whatever she threw at me. I felt the breeze of her spell shoot past my face, the sting along the side of my neck that shoved all the air out of my lungs. The slamming of the door followed her out and only then did I turn toward the mirror once again. I stared at the thin red line on the side of my neck, watching as blood bubbled in the corner and then slid down to my clavicle in a thin rivulet.

I huffed a heavy sigh, catching myself on the sink before my knees gave out in relief because knowing what Bellatrix could have done, I got off easy. It was a warning.

-:-

Unfortunately for me, my summons to the Headmaster's office came late the next day just before Quidditch practice. I thought James was going to have a conniption but what could I do?

"James, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed. I held up the piece of parchment that had flown into the locker room to find me and said, "I have to go, I can't just send Dumbledore a reply and say 'Sorry, James is going to throw a tantrum I can't come right now, can we reschedule?'."

"Our first match against Slytherin is this weekend!" he cried.

"I am aware of that," I answered, exasperated – James had only been reminding the entire team every day for the last week. Honestly if he would just let me leave, I could've probably been back before the end of practice. "We're ready," I added.

James pulled a hand through his hair and made a frustrated sound that was halfway between a groan and sigh. He turned on the spot and dug around in his Quidditch bag, pulled out a small stack of parchment and handed them to me. "If you can't be here, then your assignment is to look over these plays," he said in his most convincing 'captain' voice.

I tried not to roll my eyes as I accepted the stack not bothering to tell him that I knew the damn plays backwards, forwards and could probably rewrite them in my sleep. James turned away and shouted, "Alright! The rest of you on the pitch!"

I turned my back on the locker room and began unbuckling my kit, and I only knew Sirius was still in the room because, as odd as it sounds, I felt him there behind me. I knew the feel of him in the air around me, the prickling of my senses at his proximity. I knew the cadence of his breathing and the sounds of his movements were as familiar to me as my own.

When did I become so acutely aware of him?

"Does you going to Dumbledore's office have something to do with Andromeda?" he asked without preamble.

"Yes, it does," I admitted, shoving my things into my bag hoping that he couldn't see the sudden agitation in my movements.

My stomach was achingly empty all of a sudden despite the fact that I had eaten before practice, and my heart was already beating rapidly against my ribs using them like a xylophone. I may have been able to bluff my way through the confrontation with Bellatrix, but this was going to be an entirely different chess game. I would have to tread very carefully, consider every word I said because I couldn't clam up, it would only make me look guilty. Likely, my only saving grace was going to be that Dumbledore was there as well.

"Why would my aunt and uncle think you know something?" Sirius wondered.

"Bellatrix thinks I know something," I replied, calmly.

Sirius took four steps until he was standing at my side. "Do you?"

With an irritated sigh, I threw the last piece of my equipment into the bag and turned to face him, my hands planting themselves on my hips. "Does it matter?" I countered, irritably. "Andromeda is gone and it is going to take a lot more than questioning people she'd been seen associating with to bring her back."

Realization dawned in his eyes and he blinked at me in what appeared to be disbelief. He connected the pieces: my strange behavior, my secretiveness recently, associating with Andromeda's friends. "You helped her run away, didn't you? You don't just know something, you actually helped her." And was that awe in his voice?

I clenched my jaw, turning away from him to finish stuffing everything into my Quidditch bag and zip it up. When it came to Sirius, I wouldn't spin this a different way, I couldn't bring myself to, not after all he and James have done for me. Sirius' hand gripped my bicep and I sucked in a harsh breath – we hadn't so much as brushed shoulders since his birthday. It amazed me that even at a time like this even just Sirius' touch kindled the heat in the pit of my stomach.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped," he hissed, his fingers unconsciously tightening on my arm. "You wouldn't be facing this alone."

My knees threatened to buckle under the concern hedging his tone. He wasn't angry with me as I had originally thought he would be, Sirius was concerned that I had shouldered the burden of helping Andromeda by myself. He didn't know the punishment I might have been facing if his aunt and uncle figured it out and it scared him. I couldn't have out rightly asked for Sirius' help anyway, not without him learning about Andromeda's pregnancy because he would have wanted to know why she and Ted were running away.

"I don't always need yours or James' help, Sirius," I replied, gently.

His hand left my arm, fingertips trailing up to my shoulder, the curve of my neck and brushing lightly over my cheekbone. Unconsciously, I leaned into his hand realizing just how much I missed his touch, however innocent it had been before his birthday. The small affections he showed me, the simple brush of his hands against mine, the closeness and warmth of him sitting beside me – all things I hadn't realized I took comfort in until they were no longer there.

"Yes, you do," he said, but the light tone of his voice told me that he was trying to tease me.

I shook my head, my hair falling around my face, brushing against where his hand still rested against my cheek. "Andromeda didn't want your help, she didn't even want my help," I told him, "but she also knew that she couldn't do it on her own."

Sirius leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine and on reflex I closed my eyes. "You don't always have to do everything on your own, either, you know."

My heart was in my throat now for an entirely different reason. I could feel Sirius shifting closer to me and the fierceness with which I wanted to reciprocate terrified me and so I kept my hands firmly at my sides. His face inched closer to mine, I opened my eyes as his flutter closed and I could taste his every exhale.

My hand came up and just like last time, rested against his chest, but this time there was a gentle push that halted him in his tracks. "Sirius," I breathed. His eyes opened, met mine and once again I could feel the fault line in my chest that I was about to rupture further. I swallowed down the tightness I could feel forming in my throat, the tears that tried to rise. "I'm with Ian now," I reminded him.

I expected walls to slam up, I expected him to shut down. There should have been an immediate distance between us, an impassable chasm wedged there with the two of us on either side. Anything but for him to remain so close to me, crowded together against the lockers and determination solidifying in his gaze.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't care," he said, and tried to close the distance once again but my hand was still on his chest, a subtle but determined stopping power.

I titled my head just out of his reach so he kissed air. Merlin, why did he have to make this so difficult? "I do," I whispered because if I raised my voice any higher, it would crack, my façade would fall and Sirius would realize just how little he had to push further for his lips to brand me as his. "You should get out on the pitch before James comes looking for you."

I stepped away, out of his arms, stomping on the rebellious part of me that whispered it was so much warmer in the circle of Sirius' arms. Without a word, I grabbed my bag and made for the door, but Sirius' voice stopped me. I almost feared what I'd see when I turned around to look at him, if the wounded look he'd give me would demolish the bit of defense I'd gathered and I'd cross the room, throwing myself into his arms and beg him to let me be his because I was apparently a fool.

But he just looked at me as if I hadn't been in his arms moments before and asked, "Is she happy? Andromeda, is she happy?"

I nodded. "Yes, I think she really is."

Then, Sirius gave me a tight, bitter smile that triggered the earthquake in my chest, pulling apart the fault line on my heart. I fisted my hands against their shaking as he said, "At least somebody is."

And as I left the locker room, I couldn't help but wonder if it shouldn't have been James warning Sirius to stay away from me. I wondered if instead, it should have been the other way around – James warning me to stay away from Sirius because so far, he was the one getting hurt.

-:-

I forced myself to forget Sirius as I climbed the stairs to Dumbledore's office. It would not do me any good to be distracted by thoughts of him as I willingly trudged into the dragon's lair. I compartmentalized, put Sirius and everything I felt for him and everything that had happened between us in a box in the back of my mind. Just as my father had taught me, I built a mental fortress, putting everything I didn't want anyone to see or know behind locks and chains, heavy doors and metaphorical parapets of stone and steel. As long as they didn't make me take Veritaserum, I was protected against any incursion on my mind.

"Enter." Dumbledore's voice echoed through the wooden door when I knocked. I pushed open the door and stepped inside just as the Headmaster was rising from his chair to greet me. "Ah, Miss Cochran! It took you quite a bit longer than I expected."

I nodded, ignoring the two imposing figures standing before his desk. "I apologize, Professor, Gryffindor's first Quidditch match is this weekend and James was not pleased that I had to leave practice." A leading half-truth, even now, luring them into the line of thought that it was James and his consternation that kept me.

A smile pulled at Dumbledore's mouth. "No, I imagine he wasn't." I hedged closer refusing to allow my gaze to linger overlong on Andromeda's parents, up the few steps to stand before Dumbledore's desk. "You are aware no doubt of young Miss Black's recent disappearance?"

I nodded, coming to a stop. "I am."

Mr. and Mrs. Cygnus Black were not pleasant people to be around. Both of them had that stereotypical, aristocratic demeanor as if they were perpetually looking down their nose at everything. Emotions were a fairly useless thing to people like them so it surprised me to see the patches of color marring Mrs. Black's pale cheeks, and the angry tightness around Mr. Black's mouth. And maybe there was a time when Mrs. Black was beautiful and Mr. Black was handsome, but bitterness and arrogance had long ago smothered it in awash of scrutinizing glares and tight lipped, condescending smiles.

"Our eldest daughter seems to be of a mind that you had something to do with it," Mrs. Black said, her tone like cold steel.

Do not show fear, I told myself. I made a show of rolling my eyes, every bit the moody teenager they surely thought I was. "Of course she is. And tell me, Mrs. Black, is your eldest daughter known for her honesty? From what I have heard Bellatrix has been of a mind that everyone has had something to do with Andromeda's disappearance, just ask Alianne Rosenthal whom I'm sure you know because she was Andromeda's best friend, she appeared quite shaken up after a conversation with Bellatrix."

Mrs. Black's face blanched unattractively. "How dare you! Are you implying that Bellatrix made it up?"

How perceptive of you to notice, I thought. "All I am saying is that perhaps going on Bellatrix's word alone is a bit far-fetched seeing as she has been desperate to pin her sister's disappearance on someone. And has no one given pause to the idea that perhaps Andromeda has run away of her own accord?" I said.

"She is only sixteen," Mr. Black grumbled.

I granted him a nod of my head as I turned to him. "And a very capable witch from what I know."

Dumbledore had yet to say anything and had retaken his seat behind the desk. If I hadn't known any better, I would have said that my headmaster was amused by this entire situation, casting his twinkling eyes over his steeped hands as Andromeda's parents tried to wring a confession out of me. The fact that he had yet to intervene was almost a comfort, it meant that he thought I was holding my own fairly well so far.

"Bellatrix has also informed us that you have grown rather close with my nephew, Sirius, whom I'm sure you're aware also ran away from home seeing as the two of you are living with the same family," Mrs. Black said next. "It is a logical conclusion to think that Sirius poisoned Andromeda's mind against her family; the two of them were close before he ran away."

I turned my attention back to Dumbledore, slanting my arms over my chest as I shifted my weight onto my back leg. "Is that to be the damning evidence against me? Being friends with another runaway member of their family?" I didn't wait for the Headmaster to answer as I faced Andromeda's parents again. "If you are so certain that Sirius had something to do with Andromeda running away, as I'm sure Bellatrix is also, then summon him here as well. But I'm sure he will have as much knowledge as to Andromeda's whereabouts as the next person you drag up here."

Just like Bellatrix, something in Mrs. Black lost all of her tightly coiled decorum and snapped. She lunged forward, gripping me by the shoulders forcefully, the rounded tips of her nails digging into the backs of my shoulders. She brought her face inches from mine, her expression twisted into something hideous. "Where is my daughter!?" she cried giving me a shake.

"Enough!" Dumbledore shouted, having risen from his seat as Mr. Black wrestled his wife away from me. That was unexpected to say the least so the shuddering breath I released was understandable, so too was the jelly feeling in my legs. Apparently crazy ran in the family.

"I agreed to let you question Miss Cochran as to the whereabouts of your daughter, but I cannot abide by you manhandling my students." Dumbledore turned to me then and leveled me with a poignant stare as he asked, "Miss Cochran, do you know where Miss Black is right now?"

If my father hadn't taught me better, my eyes would have widened, but the shock still tightened my throat. I should have known better! There was not a damn thing that went on inside the castle that Dumbledore was not aware of – he knew I helped Andromeda run away, and probably knew why as well. And for a second time he was coming to my aid, this time giving me the lying out through the simple semantics of his wording.

I swallowed heavily. "No. I don't."

Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you, Elaina, you may return to Quidditch practice if you so desire, and give Mr. Potter my apologies for stealing you away."

"Thank you, professor."

Mrs. Black's outraged shriek followed me out the door, "She's lying!"

And Dumbledore's answer carried through the air as I reached the staircase, "I assure you, Mrs. Black, that she was not."

I actually quite like how this chapter turned out. Hm.
This was supposed to be out yesterday
but my boyfriend demanded that I spend some time
with him. And it would have been out sooner than that buuut...

my laptop died. I had to buy a new one and then there was
the issue of my old laptop having Vista and the new one has
Windows 7 and so none of my documents were compatible.

And this whole week has been nothing but awful! Back and
forth to the hospital for my boyfriend's grandmother who's
cancer has spread to her brain and then I'm really really
bad at comfort/sympathy/herecryonmyshoulder.

I'm whining, I know. Sorry. :/

Anyway, thank you to Marika, angelvboo,
BleedinLuva1123, Mackenzie Kelley, Chloe Black,
112233, and AuntMo for leaving me
wonderful reviews last chapter! :)

See you next chapter! Review?

-(gxr)-

EDITED/TWEAKED: 4/3/2013