A/N: Sorry for the long wait. It's also a long chapter to make up for it. This is chapter 25/31 btw for those who are wondering. I hope to finish it at the end of July/Start of August. Thanks again for all the kind words and reviews 3
-x-x-x-
Emma holds the phone with one hand, the other splayed across her forehead in annoyance. There is a dull throb starting right below her fingers and it was only a matter of time before it would escalate into a full-blown headache.
"No," she says into the phone, rubbing wearily across her forehead, brows creasing into an even deeper frown. "I have no idea. Look, all I know is that both Regina and I could feel a huge buildup of magic and it originated from Gold's shop."
She turns around and rolls her eyes at Regina, who was looking up from where she was cutting some vegetables. She seemed somewhat amused, the corners of her mouths twitching a little and Emma sighed as she realized there would be no help forthcoming when it came to dealing with Mary Margaret's barrage of questions.
"No, I just explained it to you." Emma was getting pretty close to just pretending that the phone suddenly lost service and hang up on her mother. But knowing Mary Margaret, she would likely show up a few minutes later at the door and demand to get some answers. "I know there was no real damage, that's the whole point Mary Margaret. He covered up whatever the hell it was he was doing. All it did was trash the inside of his own shop. But the amount of magic he was controlling was off the scale. Regina said that if Rumpelstiltskin hadn't contained the explosion, it might've taken out half the town okay?"
She closes her eyes as her mother fires off more questions than her brain can handle. The throbbing getting worse in turn.
"Yes," she finally answers when her mother asks her if it could actually happen at some point. Emma figured there was no sense in sugarcoating it. "You think she'll be able to help?" Catching Regina's questioning look, Emma mouths the word 'Blue'. "Well if you and David could, I suppose it can't really hurt to try. And no, I'm going to stay here for a few hours more at least. There might be something in Co.." Emma bites her lip as she quickly scrambles to correct herself. "Regina's collection of spellbooks that might offer some help with this."
And then her mother has to start about him of course. "No Mary Margaret," she growls out agitatedly. "We had an argument earlier today, so no. Can you just put Henry on so we can say good night to him, please? Yeah, okay, thanks."
Emma smiles as she hears Henry's voice a moment later. "Hey kid. No, we're okay, nothing happened, don't worry. I'm just going to stay over at your mom's for a while, we're going to do some magical research." Then she chuckles as he sighs and whines about wanting to help. "You have school tomorrow, remember? I promise when your mom teaches me magic again, you can be there to make fun out of me, deal?" Emma spots the intense look Regina is giving her from the corners of her eyes then, realizing that she was probably itching to talk to Henry herself. "Look kid, if we're done early I'll stop by and pick you up okay? I'm handing over the phone to your mom now, so you can talk to her. Yeah? Sure, good night for now Henry."
She hands the phone over to Regina and looks on quietly as the woman paces around the kitchen while she talks to Henry animatedly. Regina in worried-mom-mode is still something that surprises Emma in a way. It is odd too, since at the same time she shouldn't be this surprised. After all, Emma had personally witnessed the lengths she was willing to go to protect Henry. The thought makes her turn around ever so slightly so Regina can't see the expression on her face. There are things that trouble her still, ones that she hasn't been able to broach yet. Or maybe she had just been subconsciously stalling.
Emma sighs as she fiddles around a little with what she assumes to be a waffle-iron. Although it looks way too fancy for such a use. Then again, so did most other kitchen-appliances she had come across.
"Don't touch that."
Her eyes go wide immediately and she withdraws her outstretched hand, feeling like a little kid that just got told to stay out of the cookie-jar. "Jeez, it's not like it'll spontaneously break down the moment I touch it or anything," she huffs out annoyed. She sort of omits the fact that she had demolished two of her mother's kitchen appliances. One very recently, which in turn had led to half the kitchen catching fire. Granted, she had done a little more than touch it. Not that Regina needed to know that of course.
"Be that as it may," Regina says, as she hands the phone back. "I'd rather not take the risk."
"Right.." Emma says and though she is tempted to offer up another quip in return, she decides to disengage for now. Instead, she glances down at the phone and grinds her teeth. Even with Regina's assurances earlier about Gold being unable to do anything dangerous for next few days, because even the Dark One had to recharge his batteries after expending that much magic, she still worries incessantly.
After pocketing the phone Emma freezes up, feeling an intent gaze on her back. She half turns around and sees Regina leaning against the counter where she had been cutting up vegetables before; eyes still tracking her every move. "He'll be fine you know."
"How do you..."
"Because that's what mothers do, they worry, and right now your entire body practically radiates worry."
Emma makes a face. "That bad huh?" she mutters as she rolls her tense shoulders. She had been a big ball of nerves ever since they got back from Gold, but she thought it wouldn't be that noticeable. "How do you shut it off?"
Regina's answering smile is strained. "I never do, I'm just better at hiding it. Don't forget I've had a lot more practice than you have."
Nodding thoughtfully, Emma looks on as Regina fetches some things from the fridge. "It's not only Henry you know?" she speaks up after mulling over things for a bit. "I think it's more the knowledge that we can't control what Gold does. For all we know he could already be busy with some new project while we're busy preparing dinner. Or well...you are at least," she corrects after Regina raises an eyebrow at her. "It makes me feel useless in a way. Even with finally acquiring some control over my magic, I'm not having any illusions we could stop him from doing the same shit a week from now for example."
"He won't though."
"What do you mean?"
Regina pauses while sorting out some seasonings. "I mean, that it was most likely some object that held a great amount of magic within, that causes that implosion, with that same object getting destroyed in the process."
"Implosion?" Regina rolling her eyes at her, makes Emma glare in response. "What?" she questions peevishly.
"I would think you'd know what an implosion was dear."
"It's not that," Emma says as she drums her fingers on the kitchen-counter. "More like I didn't realize it was an implosion. I thought it was an explosion." When Regina gives her an impressed look she shrugs. "I actually have picked up a few things here and there, it's not as if all I did was steal cars when I was a teenager."
"Do you remember where the largest quantity of destroyed objects was at the back of his shop?"
"Yeah.. ," Emma hums as she processes that. "So you think whatever that object was, it was designed to suck things inwards? Like a vortex? Or a.."
"Portal," Regina fills in. "Exactly like that yes. It was supposed to gather energy I imagine, but probably became too unstable and started to suck in everything around it. That is when Gold shut it down and used some kind of spell to contain the magic within, until it perished by itself."
"And since we already know all this, why are we doing research again?"
"Because I want to know just exactly how much magical energy was contained. I want to know what spell he used. He never taught something like this to me and I'm pretty sure it is in none of my own spellbooks."
"But they might be in your.." Emma halts before she can say Cora's name, recognizing the fact it was still a sore subject to Regina.
In a way it also worries her at times, when she thinks about the sheer amount of spellbooks Regina has in the basement. Around half of them were Cora's and Emma can't even begin to imagine what spells were written down inside of them. The one thing she does know is that the times she had encountered Cora, she had only ever used harmful spells, which wasn't very promising when it came to looking at them later this night. If anything, it made cold shivers run down her spine at the thought of perusing them in order to find a clue what Gold had all been up to.
"Rumple taught my mother a lot of things, so yes they might be," Regina answers a little too quickly, eyes downcast towards the chopping board.
Emma watches as Regina rummages through some cabinets for a moment, having run out of things to ask when it came to the subject of Gold and the incident earlier today. In a way it was weird how quickly things had changed from catching Henry and Regina eating ice-cream together, to what had happened at Gold's. And now she was here. There was one other thing Emma remembers she had meant to say to Regina at the diner, before Neal had soured her mood considerably.
"You know I'm glad you told Henry about you helping me with my magic," she says, corners of her mouth curling up in amusement when Regina freezes up, one hand outstretched towards one of the pans. For a moment, it does have Emma a little worried as she can't see Regina's face after all and she hadn't been there when the other woman had broached the news to the kid either. She had assumed, because Henry had showed up the next day to watch Emma fumble with magic under Regina's tutelage, everything had gone just fine, but now though...
"He.." Regina clears her throat as she retracts her hand, folding both her arms across her chest. "He didn't take it so well initially. "I showed him the basement afterwards, the potions I'd been brewing, explained their purposes and I think that helped. Then I promised Henry he could be there next time I taught you magic and that seemed to take away most of his suspicions."
Emma puffs her cheeks. She had known it would be a tough sell for Henry, but at the same time she had kinda hoped he would've warmed enough to the idea of both of his mothers being gifted with magic. "I guess it should've been me that told him."
"No," Regina shakes her head dismissively. "I think it was best that I told him. He would've been even more reluctant to accept it if you had."
"Yeah that's probably true," Emma affirms. "I'm also glad you've been teaching me too, you know?" she says softly as she dips her chin, evading Regina's inquisitive gaze. "I haven't forgotten that speech you gave me when you showed up in my bedroom after the town-hall burned down. Or the rules you've been teaching me."
"Are you trying to tell me something dear?"
"Maybe?" Emma hedged. And then she thinks back to earlier today, how close she had been, and how close she could still get in the future; realizing there really was no escaping this subject. "I..when you found me behind Granny's, I wasn't just looking to punch the walls," she admits as she tucks a stubborn lock of hair behind her ear. "I thought of setting stuff on fire, like the trashcans, I just..I wanted to destroy something so badly..."
"But you didn't," Regina says as she tilts her head sideways, her brown orbs locking on Emma's own eyes. "I think that's the important part Emma. You didn't, you stayed in control."
"What if I won't be able to?" Emma wonders, unable to keep the fear out of her voice as she speaks. "I mean, Neal riled me up so much I could've just set him on fire right there and then. What makes you so sure I won't? How can I be sure I won't?"
"I can't give you any guarantees," Regina explains as she draws a little nearer. "There is no fail-safe for this Emma, there is no way to shut down your emotions while you cast magic. The only way you can make sure you won't be influenced, is to remove your heart and you saw what this did to my mother, what it turned her into. You have to trust yourself, trust your ability to control yourself, let the anger fade into another emotion instead of letting it boil and fester. That's the only way I know of to stop that from happening. To stop yourself from losing control."
"But you lost control," Emma blurts out before she's able to censor herself. "Shit.." she mutters, going wide-eyed right afterwards, "Regina..."
"No it's alright, dear," Regina assures her, keeping her gaze centered on Emma's features. "I suppose it was only a matter of time before this came up again and it is important in the light of recent events." Then pausing for a moment she takes a deep breath. "What stopped you," she asks so softly that it is almost whisper-like. "In the alley at Granny's, what stopped you from using magic?"
"You," Emma answers almost automatically. "I mean..what you told me about magic, the rules you explained. And I..." she hesitates, thinking of the alley, thinking of Neal and then she stares down at hands, tips of her fingers pointing outwards. "I could feel it, so strongly, coursing through my veins, flowing towards my hands. I could imagine it in my mind, setting everything around me ablaze. A part of me even thought it would feel so good, just letting go, but another part of me..it pulled me right back to the present."
"Was it just what I told you?"
"No I think... Well it was also just you in general, maybe Henry too, the idea of disappointing him. It..it scared me Regina, to get so close to losing control. There's so much magic within me sometimes and so many conflicting emotions, it just, it scares me."
"As it should," Regina says, as she looks across the kitchen, gaze stuck on the far wall. "Fear shouldn't be an unwelcome feeling, often it can help you"
"You didn't answer my question though." Regina's lips purse and Emma wonders if she was crossing a line somehow with her inquiry. "Not that you have to.." she hastens to explain. "I'd like to know, I think it'll help me understand in a way, but you don't have to, okay?"
"There was a reason why I asked you what stopped you, Emma. It's because...because there was nothing to stop me. And I've already lost control so many times, I've let the anger and rage consume me so many times before. What was one time more, in the grand scale of things?"
Emma notices how Regina's hands tremble where they are resting on the counter between them and she reaches out to cover one of them with her own. "You can stop if you want," she offers up as a way out. Yet inwardly she hopes Regina will choose to continue. Despite a few flashbacks, their conversation and especially Regina's explanation was invoking. She thought it would help them both a great deal, to really get to the bottom of why the former Queen had assaulted her like that.
Regina's answering smile is so heartbreakingly sad that it makes Emma ache somewhere deep inside. "I thought things would get better. You brought Henry back to me and you made an effort when no one else was even bothering. I entertained the notion we could even be kindred spirits when you arrived at my house after your fight with Neal. I thought that..if I could befriend you, if I could build some trust with you, maybe things could change for the better for me as a whole."
Regina's eyes get a little liquid as she speaks, but yet her voice stays unwaveringly strong somehow and Emma doesn't even know how the hell the other woman is able to manage that.
"And then you thought I had been duping you and that's what made you throw me all over my apartment?"
"No." Regina pulls her hand out from underneath of Emma's, wrapping both arms around herself as she ducks her head and stares at the ground silently.
"Regina...I'm trying to.."
"You were right you know?" Regina interrupts her.
"About..about what?" Emma questions, trying to understand what Regina was talking about.
"When you said that I always immediately assume the worst. It's because that's exactly what happens. You remember what happened with Archie?"
"That's not.."
"But it is relevant. I know my mother made an air-tight case against me, so I do not blame you for believing I killed Archie in the end. When I came to your apartment and you denied everything, it felt to me like history was repeating itself. I could not bear the thought of losing Henry again, I could not bear having you worm your way into my life, only to stab me in the back when I expected it the least." Regina's eyes find her own and it renders Emma speechless, for a moment there aren't any walls and she can see right through everything. "I never...I didn't want to..kill you, I just wanted you to suffer like I had at the time, I wanted to hurt you and I wanted..."
"Regina.." Emma doesn't even care if Regina tries to pull away this time, she makes a quick grab for one of the other woman's hands and clasps it between both of her own.
"I thought you were playing me for the fool, I thought that Henry would be ripped away from me forever. I had nothing left to ground me Emma. It'll never excuse what I've done, but it's important you know this. When there's nothing left to lose, the only thing I always fall back on is anger and revenge."
"I sort of wish we had just talked about it instead of acting all defensive like we did back then," Emma muses out loud.
"Frankly I doubt anything you could've said would've deterred me, dear. I did not trust you, nor your motives."
"But you do now."
"In general yes," Regina says, a slight twinkle in her eyes as she walks away from the counter and back towards the chopping-board. "When it comes to preparing a meal though, it would be a different matter. I think I should continue with the preparations, else we'll likely starve tonight."
Emma smiles, though rolling her eyes at the, by now, very familiar dig at her cooking-skills. "Thank you," she says as she watches Regina slice up a few tomatoes. "For sharing that with me I mean. And for what it's worth, I believe you can stop yourself from losing control in the future."
Regina's eyes flicker from the knife she is holding towards Emma's face and back again. "You can't really know that for certain."
"Maybe not, but since you're helping me stay in control of my magic, I think it's only logical that I can try and do the same for you, don't you think?"
Regina's only answer to that is a slight nod and a growing smile curling the corners of her mouth upwards. Emma studied her for a while from her position at the counter, comfortable in the knowledge that they had made some progress. And it had bolstered her confidence in her ability to cast more complex magical spells.
After a few minutes she did grow increasingly restless. Here Regina was putting quite some effort into making them both a nice meal and she was just milling about uselessly. "Hey Regina, isn't there at least something I can do to help? Something I can't burn, or chop the wrong way for that matter," she muttered, a hand brushing through her hair in a sheepish manner.
"I suppose you could hand me the vinegar and the salad dressing."
"Right.."
Well at least there wasn't much she could do to screw that up, she figured. Besides dropping them on the floor that was, which worried her for a moment as the vinegar was all the way in the back of the top cabinet and she can't quite reach it from her position. The only thing she succeeded in is bumping it even more back to her great frustration. Eventually she stands on her tiptoes, one hand on the counter to balance herself, she almost reaches it when her fingers slip a little and the momentum bumps her into Regina who was standing next to her.
Something that sounded a suspiciously lot like a curse escapes Regina's lips and she sucks in a very audible breath, face contorting in pain.
"Regina what..." And then Emma sees the blood staining the cutting board. A lot of blood even and her stomach turns a little at the sight. "Shit," she hisses and immediately grabs for Regina's shoulder, turning the other woman towards her so she can see the damage.
Regina had one of her hands wrapped around the other, but blood still dripped down steadily from between her fingers, forming a small puddle at her feet.
"Shit," Emma cursed again. "Regina, I'm so sorry." She closed her eyes for a moment before focusing on what to do. First things first. Emma grabs a clean towel from a cabinet nearby and after removing Regina's hand, she quickly wraps it around the bleeding wounds. "Two fingers?" she asks. She had only gotten a quick glance at the damage done, but the cuts in question seemed to be pretty deep. She mentally cursed herself again for being such an ass.
"Yes, the knife was pretty sharp." Regina winces as Emma increases the pressure on the towel-covered wounds.
"It might leave a..." Emma's eyes suddenly shoot open as an idea strikes her out the blue, "..scar." She grins like a fool at Regina who is now looking at her like she grew an extra head. "It doesn't need to, I can just heal you."
"No." was the immediate response, which made Emma's eyes flit towards Regina's own in confusion.
"Why the hell not Regina? I mean it's my fault, the least you can let me do is heal these cuts. They were pretty damn deep you know? Might even have caused nerve damage."
The answering sigh did nothing to help clear up Emma's confusion. "Could you retrieve the first aid kit for me first please? It's in the bathroom. The wounds need to be disinfected no matter what." she explains when Emma doesn't budge at first.
"Okay, fine," Emma begrudgingly agrees after Regina continues to stare her down.
Her thoughts race a mile a minute when she runs towards the bathroom and rummages through the cabinets there. She finds the first aid kit easily at least and she is back in the kitchen in no time flat. But Regina was nowhere to be seen. Grabbing another clean towel, she is about to yell out, but Regina's voice sounds out from the next room.
"In the living room," Regina yells and Emma takes few quick strides through the doorway joining the rooms. "I needed to sit down," she explains as Emma spreads the kit out on the sofa Regina is sitting on and fishes out various items, opening the bottle of disinfectant and soaking some of it into a cotton ball.
Emma kneels in front of Regina and removes the towel carefully, swallowing at the single pained whimper that escapes the other woman when the wounds themselves are exposed. "Why didn't you want me to heal you?" she asks. It is partially curiosity, partially a way to keep Regina's attention occupied with something else while Emma dabs the alcohol into the wounds to clean them out.
When there's no answer forthcoming, Emma looks up from where she is sitting, one of her hands reaching out to cup Regina's chin. "Regina?"
"I wanted to try to heal myself first," Regina admits after a moment, though she still stubbornly refuses to meet Emma's gaze. "Needless to say it didn't work," she mutters out bitterly.
Emma doesn't even know how to respond to that at first. She does let go of Regina's chin, stomach twisting itself into knots as she does. "Not right now maybe, I don't think you should stop trying though," she says as a way of reassuring Regina. Emma leans a little more forward, knees bumping into Regina's legs as she tries to get more comfortable. Turning the wounded hand a little she dabs at the wound once more before placing it on her own leg.
"I'm crap at most other magic it would seem, but I'm good at healing Regina, so let me try to heal you alright?" Emma smiles faintly. "Besides the worst I could do is set your hand on fire," she jokes, getting an amused snort as a reward for her effort.
"Go ahead then dear," Regina says, her eyes following Emma's every movement with interest.
And Emma focuses, keeps her eyes open as she hovers one of her hands right above the finger that had suffered the brunt of the damage. There's a little blood that wells up from the cut and starts to trickle down Regina's finger. It makes her realize that she was actually attempting to heal another person, not just a tree or even some superficial wounds on her own body, but a living and breathing person sitting right in front of her. Her eyes find Regina's own for a moment and the clear trust that shines in them is enough of a boost of confidence to cast her eyes back down again.
Taking a deep breath she focuses her magic, feels it flow towards the tips of her fingers driven by the beating of her heart. It comes easier to her, the healing, the emotions involved in it, certainly it's a lot easier than healing herself and this both surprises her and confuses her at the same time. Though she recognizes the circumstances were different, there is something else too. Like she can feel the warmth of Regina's hand seeping into her own. And the magic that flows between them, because it's not just her own. It is certainly Regina's too; gentle in a way she wouldn't have thought possible. An ebb and flow of magic while she heals, that is soothing in a way she hasn't felt earlier.
Closing her hand tighter around Regina's wounded one, Emma can feel the cut slowly closing, the skin mending itself back together. There's tingling in her fingers, a warmth blooming in her chest as the magic seems to envelop the both of them, like their own private cocoon shielding them away from the outside world.
Emma is so absorbed with what she's doing she almost misses the sound coming from somewhere in front of her. Something akin to a muffled gasp. She immediately worries that she might have done something wrong and her head shoots up slightly, eyes finding Regina's own.
"Are you..." whatever she was going to say next dies in her throat when she notices how close they are all of a sudden. Faces inches away from each other and there was no mistaking the heated look that was directed Emma's way.
Not a gasp of pain, she thinks, even as she watches, mesmerized as one of Regina's hands comes to rest on her cheek. There's a fleeting thought somewhere to stop this before it could happen but it drifts away even as their bodies drift closer.
She doesn't know if Regina leaned down or if she rose up to meet her. But a moment later she feels a pair of soft lips slowly sliding against her own. Emma keeps her eyes open, one of her hands slipping into Regina's hair even as she rises, pushing the other woman further onto the sofa and following up on her hands and knees, desperate not to lose the feeling of those lips against hers. With a few moves she ends up straddling on top of Regina, even as their kisses grow more heated, punctuated by yet another gasp as Emma runs her tongue over the lips she doesn't want to pull herself away from.
Emma can feel one of Regina's hands rest on her thigh, their kisses intensifying as fingertips explore the skin beneath her jeans. The other hand joins it and Emma's teeth gently close on Regina's lower lip as she feels them traveling up on the insides of her thighs and over to behind of her, squeezing gently and pulling her along as Regina shifts to recline against the pillow at the end of the sofa
As she follows Regina's prompt, her legs come into contact with the first-aid kit and sends it crashing down onto the floor, followed by the sound of glass breaking. Startled, both freeze mid-kiss and Emma scrambles backwards in blind panic a split second later.
One of Emma's fingers moves to her kiss-swollen lips and her eyes glue themselves to Regina who's still sitting on the sofa. Her hair is tousled, make-up smudged and the dress she'd been wearing was slightly rucked up to her waist and all Emma can do is stare. Stare as one second flows into a few more and then finally the single finger falls away from her lips and the world comes crashing back down on her.
Her eyes close, hands clenching and unclenching as it truly dawns on her what a colossal mistake they had both just made. She opens her eyes again and Regina's wide eyes stare at her, half hidden by a mess of wavy brown hair. And Emma curses inwardly. How the hell did she even allow this to happen. She had just been meaning to heal Regina, not take advantage of her vulnerable state. Shit.
"Regina.." it comes out slightly croaky and Emma clears her throat once before she tries again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." She doesn't even know what else she could possibly say to fix this as she watches with some dismay as Regina lowers her gaze down to her hands instantly in response.
"Please, can you at least look at me?" she grits out frustrated when Regina doesn't even acknowledge the apology nor say anything in response.
Regina's head does tilt upwards with her plea, though the cold look in her eyes twisted a knife somewhere close to Emma's heart. The pain is almost physical in its intensity as Emma is forced to watch Regina building up walls right in front of her.
"Shit..I'm really sorry," she apologizes again.
"I know, you already said that," Regina responds, tone low and emotionless as she rubs the back of her hand along her mouth, smearing the lipstick even more.
Emma's eyes are drawn towards the blood staining the fingers of Regina's hand red. She doesn't connect the dots immediately until she realizes with a small gasp of horror that she only healed one of the fingers. The other one had been forgotten the instant their lips connected. She reaches out immediately on instinct. But stops herself, withdrawing the hand again when Regina jumps up from the sofa and moves a few paces away from her.
"Don't touch me."
"I'm so.." Emma sighs and doesn't finish the apology this time when she takes notice of the glare being directed her way. "You know what, never mind, I'm just...I'm gonna go and pick up Henry."
"Of course," Regina says.
Her expression betrays nothing of what was going on inside of Regina's head and Emma wants to kick and scream, anything to draw a proper response from the woman she was slowly turning her back towards. Anything to rewind the past thirty minutes or so and pretend none of it ever happened.
She walks outside on auto-pilot, grabbing her jacket from the coat-rack as she does. With every step she takes she expects to be called back, to have a chance to talk over what happened but, somehow it never happens. And the last glimpse she catches of Regina before the door locks behind her, is of Regina cradling the wounded finger in her other hand, a few drops of blood falling down on the floor.
-x-x-x-