And so the madness continues…
Pranks 25
"Stupid Jedi!" Muttered Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. The Sith Master rested in a comfortable black swivel chair in his private palace that no one knew he owned. It was his Sith Headquarters and where he loved to plot all of his brilliant schemes. "How dare they treat me like an idiot! Flour and pickles…. How ridiculous! And that Mace had the nerve to puke on my robes! I spent a fortune on them! That stench might not ever come out…."
Palpatine's face twisted in anger and his eyes turned reddish. He glared at a nearby trashcan of tabloids where he was prominently featured on the front page in numerous embarrassing situations, the latest being when he had emerged from the Temple wrapped in that awful vine. His face had been scratched and bleeding, the vine having tough woody stems. The Jedi's plant had nearly killed him! Only his Sith Lightning had saved him – even if he slightly fried himself as well. Good thing the room had been empty of those goody-goody Jedi or someone might have seen. As it was, he had broke part of the plant off and had been forced to hop all the way to his airspeeder with his arms and legs tightly bound together by the green vine. And that drat reporter had been waiting outside again, his camera ready! His anger increasing, the tabloids in the trashcan abruptly burst into flame.
"I will get revenge on the Jedi!" Palpatine vowed as he watched dark smoke rise from the burning paper. Picking up his comm., he called his loyal servant. "I have another job for you at the Temple."
"Yes, Master. What is your bidding?"
"Tonight I want you to release an Osemuda Bird into the Temple. One should be more than enough. I don't care how much the bird costs. Just get one."
"Yes, Master. Your wish is my command."
Satisfied, Palpatine hung up. Then he started to laugh.
Time passed and that night the loyal servant delivered the bird with great difficulty. Under the cover of night he slunk off to go repair his injuries.
"HONK! HONK!"
Anakin bolted upright in bed, his heart pounding in his chest. What in the Force had been that awful racket?
"HONK HONBK!"
Crawling out of bed, he raced from his bedroom. Obi-Wan was already awake and heading towards the apartment door. The boy quickly joined him. His Master opened the door and the two stepped out into the hall. It was extremely early and Anakin judged that the sun must have just been rising. Mace's door stood open as well, the baldheaded Jedi glancing up and down the hall in his nightshirt.
"What was that odd sound?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I don't know." Mace admitted.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"That sounds like Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan exclaimed as he automatically reached for his lightsaber only to discover it wasn't there. He glanced down and realized he was still wearing his pajamas! Worse, they were the ones with cartoon Ewoks on them! Obi-Wan's face grew red with embarrassment as he realized Mace was staring at them! But then Obi-Wan's blue eyes drifted lower to Mace's hairy, Wookie-like legs!
The petite Jedi Master came racing down the hallway shrieking like a woman, a ten-foot tall two-legged bird after him. The bird ran easily on strong, well-muscled long legs. It had a large body covered in bright orange feathers. A tiny head rested atop a long black neck. A thick crest of fine yellow feathers stuck up from the bird's head and its sharp beak was the same exact shade of yellow. It had large black eyes framed by amazingly long black lashes. The talons on the tip of each toe was curved and wicked sharp, the very tips digging into the smooth floor to help propel it forward. The bird snapped its head forward and pecked Yoda on the head.
"AAAAHHHHHH!" Yoda ran, his hands trying to cover his balding head from the bird. The Jedi Master wore only a simple eggshell color nightshirt that stopped at mid-thigh.
"It's an Osemuda Bird!" cried Master Mace. "Yoda must have been sleeping with his door wide open again!"
The Osemuda Bird snapped its head forward and caught one of Yoda's big ears in its beak. It then proceeded to snap its head this way and that fiercely. Yoda was tossed about roughly.
""I'll go get my lightsaber!" Obi-Wan darted back into his apartment.
"I'll save him!" Anakin boldly cried as he dashed towards the bird.
"NO!" Mace ordered. "Anakin, it's too dangerous!"
Just at that moment Yoda's ear slipped free of the bird and he went flying against a wall, striking it with a loud thud.
Anakin hopped onto the back of the giant bird and wrapped his arms around its long snake-like neck. "I caught it! I caught it!"
"HONK! HONBK HONBK!" The Osemuda bird took off down the long corridor at what seemed close to podracing speed.
"Anakin! Come back here!" Obi-Wan cried as he emerged from their apartment with his lightsaber in hand and rapidly took off down the hallway as quickly as he could. "Stop podracing on that bird!"
The Osemuda bird flapped its flightless wings and ran even faster honking as loudly as it could.
Kit Fisto heard the loud honking and emerged from his room sleepily. His eyes widened as he spotted the enormous bird coming right at him. "Aahhhhhhh!"
The bird knocked the Jedi down, stepped on his chest and kept going.
"Sorry Kit!" Anakin called from the back of the bird.
Kit rubbed his sore chest and started to sit up only to have Obi-Wan step on him and flatten him down again.
"Sorry! Didn't see you there!" Obi-Wan called as he raced after the bird and his Padawan.
"Uggh." Kit moaned, his chest really starting to hurt now. He slowly sat up and cried in terror when he saw a hairy-legged Master Mace running at him with his purple lightsaber. The Jedi Master had a crazed look in his dark eyes. Perhaps he was still possessed by Sith? The alien scrambled to his feet and started to run after Obi-Wan. Running away from Mace and his purple lightsaber seemed a very wise idea…
"That's it!" Mace called from behind Kit. "That Osemuda Bird has kidnapped the Chosen One!"
Kit ran even faster as he sensed Mace was gaining on him. He quickly passed Obi-Wan up and soon found himself running alongside the giant bird.
Anakin glanced at Kit from his perch on the bird's back. He felt extremely itchy for some reason but he didn't dare let go of the fast-moving bird. "Do you know anything about these birds?"
"YES!" Kit shouted as he raced alongside. "THEY'RE LOADED WITH FLEAS!"
"Fleas!" Anakin cried in terror. He glanced down at his arm and saw it was just covered in tiny, black swarming things. "Nooooooooooooooooo!"
"YES!" Kit shouted. "AND THEY'RE EXTREMLY MESSY!"
The Osemuda Bird flapped its wings and flea covered orange feathers drifted all over the long corridor. They landed in Obi-Wan's hair and stuck to his pajamas.
Then the bird had an 'accident' on the floor; a large spreading white puddle.
"Ewwwwww!" Anakin wrinkled his nose in disgust as the smell hit him.
Obi-Wan leaped over the puddle and continued after the bird.
Master Mace also leaped over the puddle and raced on with his purple lightsaber.
Jedi Master Yarael Poof emerged from his quarters and promptly fell down in the puddle that was directly outside his room. Yarael Poof cried in utter disgust and angrily shook a pale green fist at Mace's retreating back. "Drat Sith!"
To Anakin's horror, a dead-end was directly ahead! There was a turbolift there but the doors were closed…
The doors began to slide open to reveal Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi. The Cerean's eyes widened in shock and he held up both hands, backing up against the lift's far wall. The Osemuda Bird slammed into him, flattening him. Anakin clung with all his strength to the bird's neck. Then Obi-Wan collided into the giant bird from behind. Kit ran into the lift as well.
"Oooffff!" groaned Ki-Adi-Mundi as he was further squished.
"HONK! HONK! HONBK HONBK!" The Osemuda Bird shrieked in protest.
"That's it!" Mace cried as he stopped outside the lift. "Grab it! Don't let it get away!"
The bird spotted the white hair on Ki-Adi-Mundi's tall domed head and promptly snapped up a big beak full.
"Aahhhhhhhhhh!" Ki-Adi-Mundi shriek in pain as the bird yanked on the soft nesting material it had found. "Let go of my hair!"
Obi-Wan attempted to crawl up onto the bird's back in the limited space. The bird shifted sideways and he yelped as it stepped on his bare foot. "My foot!"
Anakin crawled out onto the bird's long neck and started to pound on the creature's head with his fist.
Kit wrapped his arms around the bird's neck and hung on bravely as fleas crawled all over him.
After a great struggle in the confined area of the lift, the four adults managed to restrain the Osemuda Bird and Anakin could jump down to the floor. To his dismay, his skin was covered in what seemed to be hundreds of tiny red insect bites! And they itched like crazy!
Back in his palace, Palpatine laughed evilly. He had outsmarted the Jedi and achieved his revenge!
To be continued…
Author's Note: A ratite is a flightless bird.