Chapter TWENTY FIVE – Hell Hath No Fury

Nicole headed up the narrow stairway to Eric's newly acquired loft where he was running his photography business from. She tucked the silky scarf more securely around her face, pulled down her large floppy hat and pushed up her huge, dark sunglasses. Nicole could barely see where she was going but it was better than the alternative. She sailed into Eric's loft without knocking.

He looked up from where he was bent over a light box, checking some proofs with an eyepiece. Eric smiled to see her. "Hi, couldn't keep away, hmm?"

Nicole just glared at him, but the effect was lost behind the giant sunglasses.

Eric gave her a quizzical look. "Did you come to say hello or to rob me, Nicole?" He cocked his head. "What's with the get up, did you kill a man on the way over?" Eric gave a little laugh at his own joke and then suddenly looked alarmed. "Oh god, tell me you didn't kill a man on the way over?"

"No one's dead," Nicole snapped, "yet."

Eric put down his eyepiece and turned around to face her properly. "Have I done something to upset you, Nicole? You seem a little... tightly wound today for some reason."

"I have a reason, a bleached blonde, smirking troll of a reason," she bit out.

Eric's shoulders sagged. "Sami," he sighed.

"You're damn right, Sami! That vindictive cow of a sister of yours attacked me!"

Eric grimaced and then looked her over. "You seem fine, Nicole, do you think you could be exaggerating a little with this attack stuff?"

Nicole ripped off her scarf and glasses.

Eric wrinkled his nose. "Ah."

"Don't you ah me, mister – you do something about your sister or I will!"

"I'll talk to her."

"Talk?"

"Yes, talk."

Nicole stepped closer, her lips thinning into an angry line. "Talk is cheap, I want action."

"I want a quiet life – can we try and meet in the middle somewhere?"

Nicole put her hands on her hips and bristled at him. "Time to choose Eric Brady – it's Sami or me!"

oooOOOOooo

EJ pulled smoothly into the mansions mammoth internal garage and turned off the engine of car. He reached across and picked up the huge bouquet of flowers sitting beside him in the passenger seat and then climbed out of the car. The noise of his footsteps echoed in the large space as he made his way to the internal garage door which led into the house. EJ tried to open the door but found it was locked. He scowled at the inconvenience.

"It's locked."

"Uncle John," said EJ surprise at the sound of his voice on the other side of the door.

"Nephew."

EJ paused and waited for the door to be opened but it wasn't. "Can you open the door for me, please Uncle?"

"No."

EJ blew out an exasperated breath. "Just open the door, Uncle John."

"I would, but I don't want to get crazy from wifey on my favourite shirt."

"Samantha locked the door to the garage?"

"Amongst other things."

"And you're not going to open the door?"

"Correct."

EJ scowled. "You're siding with Samantha in all of this? Unbelievable – we're blood."

"Maybe, but I'm on the same side of the door where the hell cat can actually draw blood. Besides, she's got an inside track to Blondie and I don't want them ganging up on me and I end up cut off from Blondie's fun house."

EJ blanched. "Oh god, don't ever call it that again."

"Why not, it's a good analogy. First of all it's fun, it's got a door - well, flaps anyway - and you have to come out the same way you went in."

EJ shuddered and shook his head. "Dinner tonight is going to be tough to get through tonight seeing as I sit directly across from Marlena," he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Have you been standing there waiting for me to get home?"

"No."

"Then what are you doing standing in the hallway?"

"Talking to you."

"Before I was here."

"I wasn't talking to anyone."

"Alright but what were you doing? Are you doing something I should be worried about?"

"I don't know; you worry about a lot of things I don't think need worrying about, so it's hard to say."

EJ gritted his teeth, the frustration welling up inside of him. "Just breath, he's not your problem right now," he mumbled to himself. He squared his shoulders. "So you're not going to let me in?"

"Correct."

"Fine, I'll go round the front, and whatever you're doing, stop it."

"You're not the boss of me. This is my house."

"I'm a lawyer and I can have you sectioned under the mental health act in a heartbeat if we want to play this game, Uncle."

John snorted. "Like anyone is going to believe I'm mentally deficient."

"One look at the menagerie in our backyard should give them a bit of an idea of what they are dealing with."

"Lots of people have pets."

"We passed the normal pet stage two flamingos and an aardvark back." EJ shook his head. "I don't have time for this. You and I are going to discuss what you are up to at a later date, but right now I need to speak with Samantha."

"Good luck with that."

"I don't need luck. Samantha and I have a healthy and loving relationship based in open communication."

"Now who's mentally deficient?"

EJ didn't dignify that with an answer. Instead he headed out of the garage and walked around to the front door of mansion. He tried the door and found it locked which was normal. No point in having all the security for the mansion to leave a front door unlocked. EJ dug around in his pocket for the house key and tried it in the lock. It didn't work. He frowned and tried again. The door still wouldn't open. EJ withdrew the key, looked at it to check it was the right one and then tried yet again to open the door. The key still wouldn't work.

"Wifey had the locks changed."

EJ groaned at the sound of John's voice, now on the other side of the front door. "How is that possible? Samantha and I only had the fight barely an hour ago.

"She found an emergency locksmith."

"And you just let her change the locks?" asked EJ in exasperation. "Why would you do that?"

"The President gave a speech."

"So?"

"It pre-empted 'Days of Our Loves'. I had to have something to watch."

"Samantha and I aren't here for your entertainment, Uncle John," EJ growled.

"Why not, it's the only thing you two bring to the table. Why do you think I keep you around?"

"Open this door!"

"I'm going to make some popcorn – don't do anything interesting before I get back."

EJ cocked his head and realised he was listening to John's retreating footsteps. He threw up the hand which wasn't holding the flowers. "That man is as mad as a cut snake." EJ took a step back and looked up at the various windows in the front of the house. "Samantha! Samantha!"

Sami's blonde head suddenly appeared directly above him. EJ quickly calculated she was standing at the end of the upstairs hallway, where all the bedrooms were. He gave a great big smile at seeing. "Sweetheart, I-" Before he could get any further a bundle of clothes sailed through the air and dropped down directly on EJ's head. He dislodged the shirt which had caught his face and looked up at Sami. "Samantha, I think we need to talk."

"Why don't you go and talk to your precious Nicole?" Sami had another armful of his clothes - socks, jocks, trousers, ties, coats – and launched them out of the window as well.

They caught EJ square in the face and he spluttered as he tried to shake all garments from him. "Samantha, you're being unreasonable."

Sami stuck her head out of the window and glared down at him.

He grimaced. Should have thought before I spoke on that one.

"You chose another woman over me and I'm being the unreasonable?"

"I didn't choose Nicole; I simply was trying to understand what happened."

"What happened was that hussy waltzed into my home like she owned it and you were completely okay with it! You're making me live with your crazy Uncle-"

"Who's also your step father and you told me you were happy to live here."

"OH!"

More clothes were catapulted out the window on EJ's head.

"Are you this good in the courtroom?" asked an interested John as EJ noticed him standing on the doorstep for the first time, munching on popcorn. "Because, if you are, then I've got to start coming to work with you more often."

"You're not helping, Uncle John."

"Tell her she looks fat and see how that goes. I want to see if she's got the upper body strength to move that piano in the spare room."

EJ jabbed a finger at him. "Go away!"

John pouted. "Just so you know; I'm on the wild cat's side."

"How can you be? You don't even know the full story!"

"She's more fun, you're kinda whiny in an argument. At least with the wild cat I have the hope of actual bloodshed."

"There is going to be no bloodshed today, Uncle John!"

"You're pretty confident of that for a guy who can't even get into his own house."

"Samantha wouldn't hurt me," said EJ self-assuredly. "Besides, there are the children, she'd never do anything in front of them."

"Boy and girl baby are at Chowder Lady's house."

EJ's eyebrows shot up. "Samantha sent the twins to Caroline's?" EJ gave John a frustrated look. "And call Caroline by her name, I know you know it."

"My naming system for people is the least of your worries, Homeless Guy – you've got bigger dishes to dry."

EJ closed his eyes and counted to ten. "The expression is bigger fish to fry."

"I'd keep away from hot things if I were you, hair is surprisingly flammable – found out that the hard way."

EJ scanned John over, wondering what crisis he'd missed out on hearing about now.

John seemed to see the silent question in his look. "I was putting on a romantic shadow puppet for Blondie by candle light."

EJ looked at John's hands. "And some of your hair caught alight?"

"Yep, who knew pubic hair was so easy to ignite."

"Oh god." Suddenly EJ understood what John's definition of a romantic shadow puppet display actually meant. Dinner tonight really was going to be an ordeal. At least it will be if Samantha ever lets me in the house again.

Sami's head appeared above him at the open window again.

"Samantha, sweetheart, can't you just let me in so we can talk about this like two rational human beings?"

Sami's eyes narrowed menacingly. "Are you saying I'm being irrational?"

"Plead the twelfth," John urged him.

"Pleading the twelfth isn't going to help me," said EJ through clenched teeth, "you meant plead the fifth."

"This feels more like a twelve situation then a five. I don't think you realise how close to death you are."

"The twelfth amendment is the procedure for electing the President and Vice President. That is in no way helpful to me!"

John shrugged. "Just trying to help."

"No, you're not."

"I know." John popped a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Yet another armful of clothes were dropped from a great height on EJ and the window above him noisily slammed.

EJ winced. "That could have gone better." He looked at the mess of clothing around him. "I never realised how many clothes I had until just now." A pair of his silk boxers became lodged on his head, but EJ was distracted from them as a car roared up the driveway and squealed to a halt directly in front of him. Eric leapt out of the car and strode over to EJ.

"Oh," said an intrigued John, "another player, I should have made more popcorn; this could go over the hour."

"We need to talk," said Eric, glaring up at EJ.

EJ glared right back. "We most certainly do."