(A/N: My treat for waiting so patiently for my next update…2 chaps in one day!Yay for no homework! It's a celebration for all!)

Cat POV

"Bye Lizzie!" I said cheerfully.

"Bye bye!"

I punched end call and took a deep breath.

Keep it together Cat. Keep. It. Together.

I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't be thinking this. This shouldn't be happening period.

But it is.

Somehow, I don't know how, but Robbie is again at the forefront of my life.

But not in my life at the same time. If that makes any sense.

He's got so much going on. His book is still doing well, he's negotiating a book deal, and school.

Then there's Stephanie. Tori, Jade, Beck, Andre. His Mom and Dad. Lizzie.

They all mean the world to him.

Add onto that him representing everyone that signed with IMG last winter and scheduling times and getting contracts for albums and single and guaranteeing airplay. Then the money aspect of running a side business as an agent.

Then his personal needs, which he seems to neglect for the success of everyone. Make sure he eats, does his homework, keep up family ties.

And finally. Me.

Little old messed up me.

The crazy girl who flipped out on him when all he did was show me love.

(Flashback)

"Are you ok?" He asked me.

"Yeah, don't worry about me Robbie. I'm fine. Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, just sore." He shrugged.

"No, seriously. How are you feeling Robbie?" I said insistently.

"I'm ok sweetie, I told you." He said, an edge to his voice.

"Robbie, you better not be just saying you're ok, you better BE ok." I said, annoyed.

He's just blowing me off to make me feel better.

"I'm FINE Cat. Jeez, quit be so paranoid. I'm sorry for hiding that stuff and it came back to bite me. I kind of deserved this."

WHAT? He doesn't deserve ANY of this! Yeah he lied and hid stuff but this is way over the top!

"Do NOT say that! They are psycho! You just defended me, and I am NOT paranoid! I just love you!" I yelled trying to snap him back to reality.

"Cat, you worry too much. I told you I'm FINE! That means I am fine!Can you just take that for what it is?" He shot at me, clearly getting worked up.

"I would, except for that you lied to me about this kind of thing before!"

"How about you just TRUST me?" He asked very loudly.

"I could ask the same thing! You don't tell me everything, how CAN I trust you?"

"You love me! Is that a good enough reason?" He snapped at me.

I glanced out the window, trying to calm down. Robbie had pulled into a parking lot.

He wants to get this over and done with.

"It is if you trust me!"

"I do trust you Cat, I just think you worry too much!"

"Well stop worrying about my worrying!" I told him, trying to get him off this train of thought.

It's really really dangerous.

Like break up dangerous.

And if that happens…I fall apart. Like a million puzzle pieces. Like Humpty Dumpty.

They couldn't put him back together.

"No! You can't ask me to do that!"

"Why not?" I asked, hitting the dash with my fist.

"I care about you too much! I can't just not worry about you!"

"Well neither can I!"

"Did I ask you?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why? Why do you ask?"

"I love you! You are the most important thing to me!" He said angrily.

"I'm not perfect Robbie, WHY do you say that!"

"Because to me, you are!" He said emphatically.

"Well you are wrong! I don't know why you love me so much!"

"Because I love everything about you, I wish you would see that!"

"Are you calling me psycho?" I yelled, kicking the bottom of the dashboard and hitting my foot on some metal.

OW! Bad words! $#%$$#$%^%%!

"No! I just wish you wouldn't worry as much!"

"What if that is natural to me?"

"Well, I'll snap you out of it."

"Says Mr. Perfect himself." I said coldly.

I quickly shivered and looked over to Robbie. He had frozen and I could see him readying to go on the offensive.

Just as I opened my mouth to apologize, "What the HELL does that mean?"

HE SWORE AT ME?

"You aren't perfect Robbie! You constantly fawning on me makes me sick, and sometimes I wish WE weren't together!"

He froze.

Oh My God.

I think I just did it.

I think I just ended…us.

Forever.

He put his head on the steering wheel and took several deep breaths.

I want to go back to the hospital. Have this conversation never happen. I…I just want him to be ok!

Everything was quiet for a minute or so. Then came the words I hoped to never hear.

"This isn't going to work…is it?" He asked in a deathly quiet voice, looking at me.

The pain in his eyes. His face. His whole body.

He's dying. He doesn't want to do this. I don't want to do this.

But…what else is there? We basically just said we can't trust one another. That we don't love one another.

I completely lose it, and tears start to fall in waves. I don't know what made me cause this terrible argument, but it's over.

We are over.

All I could do was nod.

And that was that.

I open my eyes to the soft comfort of my pillow. The pillowcase is wet from my tears. My guilty tears.

This is my fault.

I would be Mrs. Robbie Shapiro. Happy. With him. Able to trust him with anything. I might have even decided I want to start a family. I was ready.

At least I thought I was.

But I'm not.

I'll never ever EVER be.

I'll be a terrible mom. I'm no different from my mom.

A psycho. Who always yells at me.

Even if we did get married. I'd find some way to screw it up, and we'd probably have kids and then…

Yay court.

Custody.

Winner gets the reason for their existence.

Loser…

Loses their will for anything.

I know how that feels.

(Two days after the breakup)

I lift my head up from my pillow to see that I've soaked my third pillow of the day. It's only 10 AM.

I'm a wreck.

I want Robbie back.

I'm such a bitch.

It's a terrible word, but as mom once said, "If the glove fits…"

It's all my fault. I want to say sorry. But this is unlike any other time we've had a fight.

We did this to each other.

I haven't told anybody. I'm afraid to. They told me last time that if I mess up again…I won't get another chance.

And I am now out of chances. Out of bullets.

At the end of the road.

I have to be the worst person on the planet! He LOVED me! And I went and did…THAT?

Nobody should ever love me after that despicable display!

I should just end it now. Stop dating. Move away. Work at McRonalds until I get enough money to buy an apartment so I can get some cats and live out the rest of my life.

In solitude.

That should be my punishment.

I suppose I'm glad I slept on it and decided to keep going. It was too much to leave. Beck, who always liked me. I knew that. Jade, the best friend to both Robbie and I. I can't just ditch. Plus, what would Tori, Andre and Robbie's parents think?

It was too much keeping me here.

Then Robbie forgave me. Again. For the millionth time. And now…

And now…

I love him.

I need him.

I have to have him.

He should be mine.

But…there's no way I'll ever get him back. Ever.

Maybe I should just text him. Confessing what I think. But then move away. Fade into the background.

But then at the reunion in 10 years. Robbie. With some other woman on his arm. As his wife. With children, that surely will be the cutest and best children to walk the earth.

And I'll just be the ex- girlfriend that he dated for a while and doesn't talk about. Doesn't give a thought to.

But I can't lose him either. I texted him today, just wanting to talk to him. I love talking to him. He's the most caring person and he's never zoned out when I'm talking.

But I messed it up. I said I missed him. Which is partly true.

I just want to be in his arms.

I can't imagine anything else than Robbie and me being together.

I've tried moving on. I really did. The guys I dated though…were terrible. They didn't care about me. They just thought I was a pretty face with the maturity of a 8 year old.

Jade told me that all three of them had a strong resemblance to Robbie. She said that I need to stop trying to date Robbie's clones and actually date other people.

I don't want to though. I'm not going to.

I want Robbie.

I just want Robbie.

If it is possible for me to love him more than ever, now would be that time. He's going to take time out of his busy schedule on Monday, just to hang out with me.

Stupid, worthless, psychotic me.

My parents were right. I was a mistake.

And I've just been nothing but trouble and pain to him. Heartbreak. Despair. Misery.

I'm not worth the tears he's surely cried about me. I'm not worth crying about. I'm not worth a minute more of his time.

But I can't drag myself away. I just keep finding ways to keep him around.

"Hey sunshine. Sorry about getting interrupted. What were you going to ask me?" –Robbie.

I can't disrupt his night.

I was going to ask why he called me sunshine. It doesn't make any sense. He said he wouldn't call me that anymore. Maybe it's old habit.

But I am not going to get in the way.

I should just step out of the way.

Become a red haired psycho girl that faded into the background.

Oh, it was nothing Robbie. So what's up?

I just can't do it.

I'm so weak. So messed up.

I hop up to get a glass of water. A flicker of hope sparked.

Maybe there's hope.

I wait a minute. 5 minutes. 10 minutes.

At about 30 minutes I start to get worried. He always responds.

But there are no new messages.

After an hour I throw my phone aside and dive for my bed. I cry into my brand new pillowcases. I keep on ruining them with tears. They get all crusty and salty and gross.

So I buy new.

And repeat the process.

I'll keep on doing this.

I just can't stop.

I just can't stop.