Thanks for the reviews and all the wonderful support for my first fanfic.

Here's the final entry in Kate's diary.

Chapter 25

Always and After the Storm (Part 5)

Once Kate had calmed herself, she returned to the couch and the diary. She'd been recording her thoughts for nine months now and she had accepted that Dr. Burke had indeed been correct when he had suggested the idea and that despite her initial doubts in her ability to be truly honest, she had in fact exceeded all her expectations. The diary had been a total success.

It was now time to complete the final chapter.

We called Ryan to report the explosion and it didn't take long for him to arrive with Gates in tow. We managed to concoct some sort of explanation as to how we happened to be on the scene of an explosion which just happened to kill the man who had thrown me off the roof a mere twenty four hours earlier but, somehow, I don't think she bought it. Hardly surprising, really, it was pretty flimsy! But she had no evidence to the contrary so we were soon on our way back to my place.

Maddox was dead but that just meant they'd send someone else; Coonan, Lockwood, Maddox, it appeared whoever was behind all of this had a never ending supply of highly capable killers at their beck and call.

Ryan called round later. The atmosphere between him and Espo was way beyond cold. It was crystal clear that Esposito blamed him for his suspension, which, I suppose was true but had Ryan not told Gates I would now be dead so I cannot, in anyway, blame him for his actions. The whole mess was my fault and nobody else's but Espo tends to live by the military code which says partners don't squeal to their superiors. I'm sure he'll calm down eventually; I hope to God he does because those two boys are like brothers to me and I hate to see them like this.

What Ryan brought with him were the remains of the file, blown apart by the explosion, in the hope that just maybe we could piece enough together to give us something to go on. The five of us sat round the table trying to put together a million piece, flimsy, paper jigsaw. It was a long shot but it was the only shot we had.

Finally, after five hours of nothing, we got it; an account number; most likely the account number belonging to the person behind all of this; the person behind my mom's murder. Now we just needed to find out who it belonged to. Thanks to the long memories of my team, we were able to log into the Federal Banking Database and then we had it, the name I'd searched for for so long, William H. Bracken, Senator William H. Bracken, the man being groomed for a run at the presidency.

He'd been ADA in New York from 1988 to 1992, which covered the time when the whole thing started. He'd begun collecting the kick-backs and then, as his political star began to rise and realising that none of it could ever get out, people started dying, killed to cover his tracks. I had him. The only problem was, what could I possibly do with the information? I had absolutely no proof.

There was still one person who could help and Ryan got the call to say that Michael Smith was out of surgery and awake. He could provide the testimony we needed but, sadly, when Castle and I went to talk to him, he refused to help, said his debt was to Roy Montgomery not to me and with that comment, the game was over, I had no play left.

Castle persuaded me to have another go at Smith but, just as we headed back into the hospital, we saw the police guard who had been posted outside Smith's room, leaving. He had evidently been given the order to stand down. Castle and I looked at each other and ran back to find nurses and doctors in their well-practised emergency procedures trying to revive Smith. It was to no avail. He was dead. My last hope was gone. I had a target painted on my head and nothing left to protect me. To say I was scared would be putting it very mildly. I had everything to live for now, everything I'd ever wanted but I was about to die.

Back at my apartment, Castle tried to make me feel safe, even offered to take me somewhere, anywhere where I could be safe but as far as I was concerned that place simply didn't exist. The one place I was able to feel safe, at least for that night, was in Castle's arms. He held me there in my living room and later he just held me through the night. As I lay there, a plan began to form and by morning, I knew what I had to do but I had to do it alone. I dressed quietly so as not to wake the man finally sleeping peacefully in my bed, picked up my mother's ring and my gun, took a moment to admire my partner, my partner in life now not just at work, and left, hoping that would not be the last time I would ever see him but if this didn't work I doubted I would live beyond the day.

I'd checked on Bracken's whereabouts before I left my apartment and headed to the Widmark Hotel. Security was tight when I got there but I caught sight of a familiar face among the NYPD personnel, Officer Ann Hastings. I knew she'd been on leave and had probably just been called in for the day so took a chance that she didn't yet know about my suspension. I guess I got lucky because she was happy to let me through the cordon.

I made my way through the crowds to find Bracken. There he was, the smug bastard, holding court, posing for the cameras and shaking hands, smiling as though he was the long-awaited people's saviour. All I could see were the victims he'd left behind and the killers he'd sent, Coonan, Lockwood, Raglan, MacAllister, Montgomery, my mom. I was surprised, actually that I managed to get close enough to slip the cell phone into his pocket but I did. Part one of the plan completed. I headed up to a balcony overlooking the room and made my call from a hotel phone.

"This is Kate Beckett."

I could see, in an instant even from my vantage point, the recognition in his face and the sudden stillness of his body. I needed to speak to him alone, face to face, so I bluffed, suggesting I had information that would ruin his career and that I was willing to use it if he didn't do exactly as I wanted. I had his attention and he agreed to meet me in the hotel kitchen.

This was it, the confrontation I'd waited for the past thirteen years. I wanted him to admit the truth, the truth about all the people he'd had killed to get where he was today; but the bastard hasn't got where he is today as a politician by telling the truth so I wasn't surprised when he spun a tale of what a great guy he is, how he fights for the rights of the little people. Maybe it was the truth but I somehow doubt it; I certainly doubted his sincerity when he claimed that my mom's death was a 'tragedy' and that he was 'deeply sorry' for my loss. Yeah, right.

His words triggered a primal response from me. I could not believe he was trying to justify his actions to me. He claimed that I sounded a little delusional; no Senator, emotional maybe, delusional, no way in hell. My mother had bled to death in an alley because of the man in front of me; she was left to die in a pile of garbage because of him. My voice may have cracked and I may have had tears in my eyes but I had no intention of backing down, not now, not ever.

He called me a disgraced cop, obsessed with my mother's murder, I couldn't argue with that, it was true but then to claim that he was a 'decent man, looking out for the little guy', well, maybe that's who the public sees but that is not who I know Senator William H. Bracken to be; as far as I'm concerned he's simply a murderer. Then, of course, came the threat,

"I won't let you, or anyone else, get in my way."

Too late, Bracken, I'm right here, right in your way.

He thought he had me for a moment but I had one ace up my sleeve. Actually, I didn't but I've always been a decent poker player and I was about to play the most important bluff of my life.

"I have the file."

That got his attention.

"Smith had another copy. 08672241. That's the number of the bank account where you deposited the money orders."

For the first time, I saw fear in his eyes.

"So you're right. It is about who holds the power. Now I could release that file and destroy you but what would that mean for my life expectancy? So here's how it is. The deal that you had with Smith, that's our deal now. And if anything happens to me or anyone that I care about that file goes public. Am I clear?"

I'd put all my cards on the table now. The next move was up to him. He seemed very reluctant to answer but after a little more prompting, I got my deal. I hadn't quite finished, though.

"Whoever it is you think I am, whatever it is you think you know about me, you have no idea what I'm capable of or how far I will go. I am done being afraid. It's your turn now."

With that, I pistol-whipped him across his face. Maybe part of me wanted to kill him but I'm a cop, there was no way I could ever have killed him in cold blood but, oh boy, did that feel good. The blood trickled down his cheek,

"That's going to leave a nasty scar. Every time you see it, think of me."

With that, I turned and left only to walk straight into Ryan, Esposito and Castle and, from the concerned looks on their faces, I'm fairly sure they thought I'd killed the creep. They really should have known me better but they were all very well aware of just how far my mom's case could drag me down, I guess there was always the possibility that it could have pushed me over the edge but I was stronger than that now, thanks to my partner, best friend and now, my lover, Richard Castle.

Just then, Bracken came into sight, looked over at us for a brief moment, then turned and left. I could sense the relief from the boys and assured them that we'd reached an understanding. Esposito was more than a little bemused that I'd actually let the guy walk away after all he'd done to me but I was now prepared to play the long game.

"I'll get justice for her, just not today," quoting back the words Castle had used to me all those months earlier,

"'Til then, I'll get it for others."

Castle, recognising his own words, gave a slight smile but the look in his eyes told me that he was proud of me and that was all the confirmation I needed, I'd done the right thing and I was in the right place. Now it was time to get my job back.

We headed back to the precinct where I met with Gates. Yes, I'd resigned but now I had the answers I'd been searching for, now I was no longer in some sniper's crosshairs, I knew that giving up my job was a huge mistake and I was quite prepared to do whatever was necessary to get my badge back, even beg to Gates if that was what it would take.

As it turned out, begging wasn't really required. She was clearly curious about many aspects of the case before her but I wasn't prepared to enlighten her. As far as Gates was concerned, Michael Smith would remain a mystery but she took me by surprise when she said,

"You're covering for someone and I know who it is."

Now I was worried, just how much did she know and, more importantly, what was she going to do with that knowledge.

"But I don't intend to dig up the past and tarnish Roy Montgomery's reputation."

She clearly knew a lot more than I expected but it was also clear that she was prepared to let at least that aspect of the case, go. She went on to surprise me even more,

"The fact is, I admire your loyalty. I hope you feel that for me someday."

And you know what, after that I may just be a step closer to doing so.

I relaxed a bit then and asked if that meant I could report back for duty but I can't say I was surprised that she answered in the negative. I had to serve out my suspension just like Esposito. Castle was a bit put out by that and as we left the precinct he wondered how I intended to pass the time. My wandering hand soon answered that question but I really should remember to wait until the elevator doors are fully closed before I do things like that in future!

I never believed I could ever be so happy. My mom's case is solved, maybe not exactly as I would wish, but enough for me to finally be able to get on with my life. I have a job I love, most of the time; great friends and colleagues. Above all, I'm in love with the man of my dreams and he loves me right back. We've still got so much to work out but we'll handle it together.

This diary has served its purpose. It forced me to face my feelings, helped me to accept and deal with my flaws but now is the time to put it away. Thanks, Dr. Burke. I may not have liked the idea at the start, but I admit it, you were right.

With that, Kate took the diary into the bedroom and put it in the back of a drawer. Just as she closed it, there was a familiar knock. She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as she ran to open it.

"Hey, Castle."

"Hey!"

Before he could add anything else, he was suddenly trying to maintain some semblance of dignity and retain his balance as she flung herself at him, burying her face into his chest.

"Do I take it you missed me, Detective Beckett?" he asked with a broad grin as he lifted her off her feet, carrying her back into the apartment and closing the door behind them.

"Maybe I did, just a little, Mr Castle. Maybe I did."

Well, that's it, folks, the end of Kate's diary but not quite the end of the tale. I intend to add just one more chapter as an epilogue. Hope I can do my idea justice. Thanks for reading.