The concert went great. I got drunker and drunker, played Sasuke's drums. Failed at playing drums, broke the strings on my guitar twice, my throat hurt from singing and screaming. Jules laughed at me, making fun of me for being drunk. Like he wasn't so too, Nick went around slapping my butt scaring me, and that was about it. I almost tripped in some wires, almost! I did not make contact with the floor.
After the concert we were doing an interview, Sasuke wanted to skip it. We had to drag him with us. I was still carrying around on my bottle of wine and vodka; I had more than half of it left. I was more or less drunk out of my mind, giggling, having a great time, the world was mine and nothing could go wrong. My life was great!
We sat down on a couch backstage. Nick and Sasuke went to get some beer. I was sharing my bottle with Jules, and he had brought some beer with him. They were still gone when the interviewer came. He asked if we wanted to wait for them, Jules didn't. The interviewer was blond and skinny, he seemed pretty nice. He started out with normal questions like how we liked Australia. I was rather bored. "I love your accent! Wow, that's such an American thing to say, I'm becoming one of them!" He started laughing thanking me for the compliment. "I really love the new album, you weren't on the first time, and you were missing when you guys released the album! Why did you miss the release of your first album? What were you doing? Where were you?" Jules put his hand on my leg, trying to comfort me. "Yeah! We don't even know that! "Nick and Sasuke had returned. "I don't want to talk about it." I got up and sat on Jules lap making room for Sasuke and Nick, and getting some comfort from him. "I've heard that it was a wild party you were at and that's why you missed it." I hugged Jules and hid my face in the crook of his neck. "Just drop it, there's nothing to talk about," Jules tried knowing how upset it was making me.
Instead he moved on wanting to know if it was something between me and Jules, we just laughed at it. I was almost falling asleep. I had to drink some more to stay awake. "It's just, I think we would end up killing each other. He gets on my nerves, it's better to just you know… I don't even know myself. He might get mad if I say too much." I think he was mad just now; I just smiled and kissed his nose. He just smiled and looked into my eyes, had we been alone we all know how it would have ended. "We're just friends, there's really nothing between us. We're both taken." I had to deny everything. I think everyone in the band knew it was a lie, a pretty big one too. "He's more like the annoying little brother. Ino! I'm out of booze! Ino, can I have a cigarette! Ino, where is this, where is that?" Nick laughed and nodded, he was more well-known with those questions than me. "Yeah, he really is the annoying little brother!" Sasuke agreed. We all laughed at the poor thing.
When we were done we went to the after-party. I didn't want to let go of Jules, I was still feeling out of it. Thinking of what might have happened to me. "Jules! I love you, and thank you." I hugged him. It was getting late, and we were both drunk. "It's okay, I'm here." I wasn't sure where the two others had ended up; I couldn't care at the time. All I wanted was Jules, I had almost forgotten all about Deidara. He seemed so far away. "Want to go back to the hotel?" I grinned at him. "Meet in the bathroom in three minutes." His grin was even bigger than mine. Three minutes was more than enough time to get another drink, maybe I could try and locate Sasuke and Nick too. I went around with my drink, I found them. They didn't see me so I finished my drink and went to the bathroom. I wasn't sure if it had been three minutes, it might have been longer.
He was waiting for me. "In the bathroom, really?" I asked him. I locked the door so that nobody would walk in on us. That would not have been the greatest thing to happen. "Yeah, it was closer, I don't think I could wait to get to the hotel, I need you know." I don't think he was kidding. His kisses were rough and possessive. He wanted me, and I wanted him. "Why can't we try, try to have a relationship?" I jumped on the bench, he got between my legs. He didn't answer, he was too busy kissing my neck, undressing me. "This works, so why not try? Why does it only have to be sex? The sex is great, so would a relationship be. I need some excitement. I don't get that with Deidara, but he love me and I love him." He was still not answering. This was my thing, I talked too much when I was drunk. "What are you waiting on? Why aren't you fucking me yet?"
I would regret that night the next morning. We had been in a public place, we had been loud, people had heard us, reporters had heard us, I'm pretty sure the news had reached Deidara. Nick came knocking on my door. My head was killing me, I yelled for him to go away. I wasn't sure how I had gotten home. I could see that Jules had been here since some of his clothes were on the floor. "Ino, why say one thing and do the opposite?" I wasn't sure what he was talking about. "If you're going to cheat with the man you're just friends with, do it somewhere less public where people can't hear you." I growled. I wasn't sure if he found this funny or not. I was guessing not, but still slightly amused by my agonize. I got up, ran to the bathroom and threw up, I felt terrible. I had to explain this to Deidara. I didn't know if he knew.
"Hey?" I was so ashamed. This was the first time I had talked to him since I left. "What is it that you really want Ino? 'Cause I'm really confused." I couldn't blame him. "I don't know," I cried. "Maybe we should take a break so you can figure it out?" I started crying even more. "But I love you!" I knew he was really hurt this time. I knew he had had enough of me. "I know you do, but you also have feelings for someone else. I can't live with that, knowing you're sleeping with someone behind my back." He was right, he really was. "I'll move out, and we'll talk when you come back." My whole world was shattering. "But I love you!" I cried. I knew everything he had said was fair. "It doesn't help when I'm not the only one. I love you too, but I want you to love only me." I didn't know how to respond. "I'll make it up to you, I want you!" I knew I couldn't stop seeing Jules. Not now. "I'll let you go, but I love you. I want us to work, I'm not sure I can give up Jules right now. He means too much for me, but you mean so much more." That was what I assumed. "I'll be waiting for you to decide, but I can't wait forever." It seemed like I've had this talk before. "I love you!" I cried again. "I love you too, but we can't be going on like this. Call me when you're ready." He hung up.
I ran and knocked on Jules door. He didn't open at first, he must have been sleeping or he was just too hung-over to respond. When he figured the knocking wouldn't stop he opened, surprised to see me standing there, crying. "He broke up, we broke up." He just hugged me, didn't say anything. He might not know how respond, he might not know if he was happy we had or not. I didn't want him to respond. I just wanted him to stand there, hug me, and make me feel better. He was used to me showing up crying I think. I always went to him, unless he was the one that had made me cry. That also happened often too. I couldn't deny that, he could be mean, he could be cold, and he was like me a drug addict. We all change then; we sometimes put drugs before people. I had stopped, I had become better, and now that was all over. I had started using again; I was drinking most of the day, curing a hang-over with more drinking. I had nothing to stay sober for now; I had nothing when I came back. Was it all worth it?
"It's funny how it all falls down so fast." I was laughing as I was crying. "Don't say that, I'm here." He kissed my forehead. I kissed his lips. I had to get over this; I couldn't let this get me down. We would talk when we got back. It's not like it was all over. I would end things with Jules by then and only have Deidara. I would never cheat on him; I would never do anything to hurt him because I love him. I would use this time to be with Jules and get done with him. I left his room before things started happening. I wasn't in the mood for it, I wasn't drunk enough. I went down to the bar; I think someone was doing some interviews or something. There was some press people there. I just came for the drinks, so I walked past them and sat down at the bar. I had three shots of vodka in front of me. I poured them down as fast as I could and waited for a refill. I think the bartender felt bad for me, but he kept handing out the drinks. I started a conversation with him, it's not like he had other customers this early in the morning. He was studying to be a teacher and had a sick mother. I felt sorry for him, I figured it must be nice having a mother that care. Then she's sick it's terrible.
Some reporter came over to me, asked me if I wanted to do an interview. I said no, but he started asking questions. I asked the bartender if he had an orange, he went to get me one. "I think I like this bartender, he's so nice to me, but he's not a suck up." The reporter sat down next to me. I asked him if he wanted some of my vodka. "I think I might be half Russian. I only drink vodka and wine." The reporter was recording everything I was saying. "What is it that reporters want from me? Nothing I ever do is good enough," I contemplated on taking another drink. "I don't want anything you don't want, you're a great artist. What you do is great." Talking about sucking up, I didn't want to have any of it. "All I can do is sing, I'm not even good on the guitar. I learned to play it in my basement, from the few things my friend had showed me. I would look at pictures of guitar players, see how they were holding their guitar, the grips you know. I'm not a musician. I'm not talented. I was just in the right place." The bartender came back with an orange, I thanked him. Struggled to peel it, I was weak. "What do you mean you're not a musician?" I was having real problems peeling the orange. "I don't know anything, I don't have any talent. They just put me on a stage literally ." The bartender had to help me peel the orange, I laughed. "No, you're really talented. Some even say that you're the best female singer at the time. They compare you to Janis Joplin, Madonna and big names like that." I couldn't help but to laugh and scoff.
"Even in my personal life I fail, I have nothing good going on now. I don't even know why I bother getting up in the morning." The interviewer just looked at me. "I'm not saying I don't want to live, I'm just saying I don't have any good reasons for it right now." I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I downed my drink and went out. I didn't even get his name, and he just expected me to open up to him.