A/N: Thanks again for all the great reviews to date! I never imagined, when I first started writing this story, that it would be as popular as it has become. You can't imagine how happy that makes me!
I have, unfortunately, struggled with some writer's block, much to my frustration. Which is quite normal when you get to this stage of a story. I always struggle with the last few chapters. I find the words don't flow as much as I would like and it always takes me so much longer to write. I feel some scenes could have been better than they turned out.
That being said. Enjoy!
Chapter 24.
Arthur demanded to see Merlin. But it didn't matter how many times he raged no one was to see Merlin and that included him. Not like he was king anymore. He didn't have rights, he didn't have a say. For the first time he felt the frustration. Not that he wanted to be king. He didn't have that responsibility hanging over his head. He was glad about that. If, when, he and Gwen managed to have a life together, they could be any normal couple out there. Have children, raise a family and kick a footy with the kids. All the things he wished his father had done with him but hadn't. He wouldn't be like his father. He and Gwen could just be like any regular family out there. So why did he have problems visualizing it? As if these things would be denied him both life times?
He needed Merlin here. Merlin was the only one to reassure him. He had a way of doing away with the many doubts that would fill his head. Dammit Merlin, he muttered inwardly, running a hand through his hair that stood up on end by now.
Moments like these he wished he could pace, like Gwaine was currently doing in his room. His head was buzzing with a thousand tortured thoughts and wasted moments. Just when he thought he was done with all of that; it now came tumbling back.
Gwaine's angry accusations hadn't helped. "How could you let him use magic?!" he had exclaimed when he'd first heard.
"You try telling Merlin what to do Gwaine!" he'd snapped back. "When his mind is made up about something there is no stopping him."
He was well aware of that. Controlling Merlin – easier said than done.
'Run, Merlin! Go!'
Of course Merlin wasn't running.
'What are you ...?! Do as I say!'
Not that he would have it any other way. Merlin also just couldn't grasp the concept of leaving him alone, 'How many times do I have to get it into your thick skull? I am supposed to be doing this alone!'
Wherever he went, Merlin went with him. Like he was, in many ways, his own personal body guard. Not much more than a boy, Merlin, always protecting him. Consistent as the sun setting and rising and he had just taken it all for granted.
Gwaine was mumbling again. Arthur wished he wasn't here, he was just making him feel more anxious and sick in the stomach than he already did.
"Would you sit down Gwaine," he finally snapped.
Gwaine scowled at him before finally flopping down on the chair by his bed, looking dejected.
"You know if it wasn't for Merlin I never would have become a knight," he murmured at length. "I hated nobility."
He still did, Arthur dryly mused.
"He was my friend when nobody else was, like he believed in me," Gwaine continued.
The sick feeling in his stomach worsened. Arthur wished he would shut up. He wasn't helping.
"You know we really should have figured out Merlin had magic. It's not like it wasn't half obvious," Gwaine murmured, looking lost in thought. "You reckon he caused that fire to happen when we were captured by Jarl and had to fight for our lives?"
Gwaine glanced at him. "I mean that fire just erupted out of nowhere and saved us all. We would have been dead men otherwise."
Of course it would have been Merlin. The amount of times they had escaped danger and death because of him. And none of them even aware of it.
"And he survived the Dorocha when no one else had," Gwaine's voice trailed off, "Yet not one of us questioned it."
He'd just been grateful Merlin was alive. But he should have thought about it, Gaius had told him after all that no mortal could survive the Dorocha's touch. Except Merlin, because Merlin wasn't mortal as it turned out.
"Then there was the little man on the bridge."
'Before I let you pass, I'll give you a little advice, as courage there are two more things you'll need to complete your quest: strength and magic.'
'I don't condone the use of magic.'
'You'd be wise not to dismiss is so freely.'
Of course, Merlin was magic. Why hadn't that clicked with him then? Why had he been ignorant as to who and what Merlin really was? Because Merlin was the thing he feared the most – a sorcerer. The thought of his best friend being something he'd been taught all his life to despise was a thought he couldn't comprehend. Yet the evidence had always been there if he had looked hard enough.
The day Merlin came stumbling into the court room declaring he was the sorcerer to save Gwen he had passed off as nothing more than the boy having a crush for her.
'Merlin is a wonder, but the wonder is that he's such an idiot. There's no way he is a sorcerer.'
Yet, ironically, he had been telling the truth.
The witch-finder declaring Merlin as the sorcerer and he had laughed, 'Merlin? You can't be serious.'
Even the day of the Caalman battle he was still in denial.
'I defeated the Saxons. The dragon. And yet ... And yet I knew it was Mordred that I must stop.'
He patted Merlin on the shoulder, bemused.
'The person who defeated them was the sorcerer.'
'It was me.'
Merlin gripped him by the wrist as his eyes filled with tears. The young man looked utterly wretched. It felt like a rock had settled in the pit of this stomach. What the hell was he saying?
'Don't be ridiculous Merlin ... this is stupid, why would you say that?'
'I'm a ...' Merlin's voice broke off there as tears got the better of him. He pointed to himself, 'I'm a sorcerer. I have magic. And I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you.'
'Merlin, you are not a sorcerer. I would know!'
Arthur shut his eyes and slowly shook his head. Ignorance, fear, all of it ... it had no place. It created so much more pain than was ever necessary.
"Everyone else got the glory ... when it had always been Merlin," Gwaine continued to mutter. "I don't know how he did it?"
'All these years, Merlin ... You never once sought any credit.'
'It's not why I do it.'
It wasn't Gaius who had saved his life from the Questing Beast, as he had been led to believe. It had been Merlin; it had always been Merlin.
Merlin standing in his chambers, a strange look on his face, a look Arthur couldn't decipher.
'I need to talk to you.'
'You still haven't got it yet, have you? I decide when we need to talk.'
'Not today.'
'I sometimes wonder if you know who I am.'
'Oh. I know who you are.'
'Good.'
'You're a prat, and a royal one.'
He chuckled to himself that would be right. 'Are you ever going to change Merlin?'
The young man shook his head. 'No, you'd get bored. But promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker.'
Why was Merlin saying that? 'Is this you trying to leave your job ...?'
'No, I'm happy to be your servant. Till the day I die.'
Merlin confused him immensely at times.
'Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin. Other times ...'
He totally confounded him, like now. Arthur could have sworn he was trying to say goodbye.
'Well, I know you. And you're a great warrior. One day, you'll be a great King.'
He could have sworn there were tears in Merlin's eyes. He was touched by those words, not expecting it.
'That's very kind of you.'
'But you must learn to listen as well as you fight.'
'Any other pointers?'
'No. That's it. Just ... don't be a prat.'
Merlin, like a shadow, always there, shaping him to become the King he was meant to be. Now he knew what Merlin meant when he had said, 'that's not why I do it.' He wished he had known. But it could have changed everything, and not in a good way. Merlin may have kept quiet out of fear in the early years, but later out of fear of what he would lose.
Merlin's loyalty had been unwavering. He had also put up with plenty of shit Arthur had meted out to him; much to his shame now. If only ... if only it had been different, if only he hadn't died. He could have been the one re-instating magic, facing the court members, fighting against the prejudices. It should have been him ... it just should have been. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair, not after everything they had been through together.
"Screw this," he muttered, "I'm going to see him."
It had been hours. He hadn't seen Gwen at all. Percival had given them the news that Merlin was still unconscious before disappearing, but not before Arthur noticed the distraught look on his face.
"But you can't," Gwaine began.
Arthur swung his legs over the bed. He wasn't taking no for an answer.
"Pass me the crutches Gwaine."
Gwaine muttered something incomprehensible under his breath, reached for the crutches and handed them to him.
"They won't let you in," he stated.
"Then I'll find a way."
A glimmer of a smile hovered on Gwaine's face. "If anyone can reach Merlin it would be you."
Gwaine rested a hand on his shoulder. Arthur managed a brief pained smile.
"You should go find Percival. I don't think he should be alone right now."
"Sure, he probably needs a drink. I need a drink."
Gwaine went to leave, stopping in the doorway. He turned slowly and looked at him.
"It's funny but for a moment you sounded like ..." he paused, a warm look on nostalgia in his eyes, "Like the King Arthur I used to know."
Gwaine had no sooner left when Gwen appeared. She was a damn sight for sore eyes.
"Please tell me Gwen," he began in a wooden voice, "It'll be alright?"
She took a deep breath and took the few steps that separated them.
"He's okay Arthur," she began, taking hold of his hand in hers, "He's just set himself back a bit but he'll be fine."
He didn't believe her. He could tell by her face that all was not fine.
"Has he regained consciousness?"
She slowly and sadly shook her head. He swore out loud. Language colourful to make Gwen look at him shocked.
"It's the 21st century Gwen, you're in the Army I'm sure you've heard it all before."
The bizarreness of it all, here they were living in the present, the world they once knew lost in the past. He remembered it, she remembered it, just that they were living now not then.
"Not out of your mouth."
"I'm sorry, I'm just a bit ... pissed off," he muttered. "I'm pissed off that Merlin never listens and now he's ..." his voice broke off there as emotion got the better of him.
He swallowed the lump in his throat.
"He will be okay," she reassured, brushing his hair back from his forehead in a comforting gesture.
Arthur pulled her into his arms and held onto her tightly. Thank god she was now restored to him. He'd be lost without her as much as he'd also be lost without Merlin. These two people meant everything to him. Just as they had done in that previous life, funny how that went or as Merlin would say, 'it's fate Arthur'.
He pulled back and rested his hands on her shoulders. "You should be with Merlin."
She nodded, a single tear tracking its way down her cheek. He gently brushed it away with his thumb.
Morgana was dozing on her bed. She hadn't meant to drift off to sleep, but as her nights were not restful the tiredness had caught up with her. One moment she was watching Anne of Green Gables, strangely drawn to the girls whimsical reciting about the Lady of Shalott, as she walked dreamlike alongside a stream.
Morgana's eyes grew heavy, the words floated through her subconscious. There she weaves by night and day, a magic web with colours gay, she had heard a whisper say, a curse is on her if she stay - to look down to Camelot.
Camelot ... Camelot ... it was, should be hers. Voices whispered through her embittered heart.
You can trust me Morgana. You know you can.
His face flashed before her eyes. She wanted to believe him, desperately, cling to him like a life line.
'Merlin', she murmured.
Merlin wasn't to be trusted. Merlin had tried to poison her. He was loyal only to Arthur. The only person she could trust and believe in now was her half sister. But Merlin had even taken that away from her, condemning her to a slow and painful death.
He would pay for what he had done. Morgana still felt the pain as she drove the knife into her sister's heart. The force of what happened next sent her reeling backwards through the air.
A cloaked woman, pale, dead looking, stood before her.
'Tearing the veil between the worlds has created a new world, and you will not walk through it alone. The one they call Emrys will walk in your shadow. He is your destiny, and he is your doom.
Emrys, the voice whispered.
Morgana tossed fitfully in her sleep, wanting to escape the dream but unable to.
He stood before her, Merlin.
'I blame myself for what you've become ... but this has to end.'
'I am a High Priestess. No mortal blade can kill me.'
He thrust the sword up under her abdomen into her heart.
'This is no mortal blade. Like yours, it was forged in a dragon's breath.'
Emrys was Merlin. He held her as she felt her life force ebb away, before lowering her to the ground and withdrawing the sword.
'Goodbye, Morgana.'
She gasped her last breath. The sadness in his eyes the last thing she would ever see.
Merlin was her doom.
She started screaming, soundless, her voice empty and silent as the still air around her, but the painful claw clutching her heart was real and terrifyingly vivid.
Someone was shaking her. She tried to push them away, trapped in a nightmarish world she couldn't escape.
"Wake up ... Morgana!"
The voice sounded worried, urgent.
Yes – wake up; she had to wake up. It was just a dream.
Her eyes sprung open and she looked up into Uther's face. She recoiled in horror at the sight of him.
"S-Stay away from me," she gasped.
He held up a hand as if she was a terrified child.
"You were just dreaming Morgana."
She licked her dry cracked lips. Icy fear clutched her heart as the realization dawned. "I-It's more than a dream."
A cold chill crept through her.
"Are you alright Morgana?" Uther urgently asked, looking concerned.
She glanced at him. Oh how she had hated him; still did.
"I-I'm ... fine."
Raising a trembling hand she pushed her hair back from her face. Uther was carefully watching her. She shuddered. There was only one person who could help her, one person who had the answers; Merlin.
The following day rolled by. Arthur had had the worst night sleep. Felt like death warmed up that morning. Every time he'd drift off to sleep he would dream about Merlin. Merlin was hidden from him, he was lost, trapped. He had to find him, had to save him. His desperation growing as his attempts to save the young man were fruitless. Merlin was going to die and there was nothing he could do about it.
When he woke from the dream it felt as if a ton of bricks rested on his chest.
Even the sight of Gwen that morning brought little cheer. Even less when he noticed her sad, pale face and the news; Merlin still hadn't come around.
It wasn't the news he wanted to hear. It left him feeling dazed and at odds with himself. It didn't help when everyone he knew chose to visit him that day. Gwaine paced the confines of his room. Lancelot offering reassurances that Merlin would be fine, Merlin always pulled through. Percival would sit in quiet contemplation. He was glad when they all left. Now maybe he could devise a way to see Merlin for himself.
Then Gaius turned up. Gaius, wanting to know what had happened to Merlin. Arthur told him.
"That foolish boy," Gaius muttered, making Arthur feel worse than he already did.
Then Gaius insisted he have further x-rays to see if the magic was working.
"You can give him some good news when he comes around," Gaius told him. "Least if his magic worked then we would know it wasn't in vain."
Arthur already knew that the magic was working. He could feel it, the warmth and tingling in his lower leg. It was a pleasant sensation. As if something good was happening there.
By mid-afternoon he was feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. He sat back on the bed, staring at nothing in particular. Gwen sat in the chair beside his bed.
"I don't want to go back to Camp Bastion," she spoke.
He turned his head and looked at her. Neither did he want her to go.
"I would gladly trade places with you."
She managed a brief smile. "Before you know it you will be back out there again."
Right now he couldn't envision it.
"Next time, make sure you don't get blown up again," she added. "I don't think my heart could take that again."
He smiled. "I'll try."
But the smile didn't last as the knowledge of their days together were coming to an end.
"When do you leave?" he asked her.
"Five days."
Arthur's heart sunk, five bloody days. Is that all.
"I won't see you for three months," he muttered.
Her face paled slightly. There was something else bothering her.
"Arthur ..." she began just as the door opened.
He looked up to see his father come striding into the room. Shit. His father would choose to visit him when Gwen happened to be there. Thank god they were not hugging or touching each other.
His father glared so fiercely at Gwen that Arthur began dreading what the outcome would be. Why couldn't his father be damn well reasonable? Why did he have to be what he was? And what the hell did he do about him?
"What is she doing here?" his father growled.
He watched Gwen stiffen.
"I asked her here because ... "
"To charge her with insubordination," his father interrupted before his could say anything more.
Gwen's eyes widened and met with his. Oh this was just terrific! He hadn't told her about that yet, what with everything that had happened to Merlin.
His father was shrewd in his observations. "I see you haven't gotten around to it, I guess you've both been sitting there having a cosy chat."
Hardly cosy, they were talking about Merlin. Bloody Merlin lying unconscious in his hospital bed all because of him and it left him still feeling so raw. He wasn't up to dealing with his father right now.
"Does that mean you were lying the other day when you told me your feelings for this girl were not strong enough to want to get in a relationship with her?"
Arthur went stock still. He didn't even dare to glance in Gwen's direction, feeling as if he'd been caught between a rock and a hard place. Shit. He had to do something, something his father wasn't going to like. Reaching for his crutches he stood up and faced him. He gritted his teeth.
"Father," he began, "I would like you to leave us alone."
He braced himself for his father's reaction. His father's eyes narrowed.
"You lied to me?" he hissed.
Arthur swallowed.
"Tell me, do you or do you not have feelings for that girl?" He gestured in Gwen's direction.
"It has nothing to do with you," he retorted, feeling his own temper rise. "It's none of your business who I choose to go out with."
They glared at each other.
"You can choose who you go out with Arthur," his father began, and he knew that look on his face all too well, "but she will pay one way or another."
His emotions were already in a raw enough state. Right now he wasn't in control of them. All the anger that coursed through him directed purely at his father
"You can't do that!"
But his father stood there, calm and in control. "I can and I will."
"I will never respect you," he hissed, waving a finger at him. "You are not my father!"
His father didn't even flinch at those words. Arthur seldom went into battle with his father because he knew it was often futile; the outcome generally ending up bad for him.
"Then I will disown you." His father said in a steely voice.
"Do it, see if I care."
Arthur stared directly at his father. He wasn't backing down this time.
"You won't get a cent from me," his father continued.
"I don't want anything from you."
His father's hands came to rest of his hips. Arthur was expecting a barrage of angry words. What he wasn't expecting was the quiet, eerily calm manner of his father, his expression unreadable.
"You just don't get it do you Arthur," he began in a low voice, "I just won't make her pay, I'll also make you pay."
His father wouldn't ... would he? Judging by the cold look on his face it was possible. His father was even more ruthless this lifetime, in many ways, than he had been before. Or he was bluffing.
"What would you do to me?"
His father raised an eyebrow. "End your career in the Army, might not hurt you to even spend a couple of years cooling off in a military prison, reputation left in shatters that would make you unemployable. Guess then you would have no option but to work for me."
Arthur listened horrified. Would his father really do that him? He couldn't be serious?
"You would do that to your own son?" he murmured, voice hoarse. "Where's the love father?"
"Whether you can see it or not I am doing this for you own good Arthur."
It was obvious to him now. His father was clearly disillusioned. With a sinking heart he also knew his father never had had his best interests at heart. It was still possible his father was bluffing, but if he was Arthur couldn't tell. Either way he was going to call him on it.
"Do it then," he hissed, glaring at him.
His father's jaw flexed. His eyes smouldered. "Don't push it Arthur."
He heard the steely threat in his words.
"No stop! Please!" Gwen exclaimed, jumping to her feet and standing between them.
What was she doing? His heart started to thud. Father would tear strips off her. She turned to face Uther and her next words shocked him into silence.
"I will not see your son, you have my word."
It felt as if a black hole had opened up in the pit of his gut.
"No!" He would have reached for her if he could. "Don't ... Gwen."
She stared at him through watery eyes. "I will not see you go to jail."
Arthur ran stiff fingers through his hair. "He won't do it!"
"You wouldn't be the first person I've done it to Arthur," his father scoffed at his words.
Arthur clenched his jaw. "He's just bluffing Gwen."
"Listen to the girl Arthur. She speaks sense."
Arthur glared at him.
"You forget son, I own the most powerful industry in all of Great Britain."
He exchanged a pained tortuous look with Gwen, silently pleading her not to do it.
His father turned to face Gwen. "I have your word?"
She lowered her eyes from his and nodded. "Yes, you do."
Arthur could see the smug look on his father face. He hated him more than ever.
"I will keep you to your word," he said. "If you go back on it you will rue the day you ever did."
With that his father turned on his heel and left the room.
They stood in shocked silence.
This whole day had just gone from bad to even worse. He slowly sunk back onto the bed. Still in a state of disbelief, he felt Gwen sit next to him.
"Say something Arthur?" She sounded anxious and distressed.
He slowly shook his head. "You shouldn't have given him your word Gwen," he muttered, "He wouldn't have gone through with it."
"Wouldn't he? You don't know that Arthur."
He raised his face to hers.
"I have no doubt he'd make us pay, but prison ..." he let out a breath, "He wouldn't go that far."
Gwen didn't look convinced. "I wouldn't be so sure."
Maybe she was right and he was just in denial?
"I think he would do anything to control you Arthur, and by whatever means."
He took a deep pained breath. Possibly Gwen was right. Not just possibly but probably.
"I think he's already beginning to make me pay," she continued in a shaky voice.
He frowned and glanced at her.
"I received a letter in the mail this morning."
He watched as she retrieved the letter from her pocket and handed it to him. The words were all burred to him.
"I can't read it without my glasses."
She fetched his glasses from the bedside table and gave them to him. He put them on and began to read the letter. It took a moment for it to sink in. Her tour of duty was being extended by a further six months on top of the three months she still had left.
"B-But that's not possible," he spluttered, looking at her in disbelief. "That can't happen?!"
She bit down on her lip. "Technically speaking, no it can't."
His father was a close associate to the General Sarum, Chief of the General Staff. It wouldn't have been hard for him to have a word in his ear.
This was his father's doing. The unfairness of it rankled him. This just wasn't about what his father would do to him, but also what his father would and was doing to Gwen.
"Don't you see Arthur, this is only the beginning," she sighed, "It's a warning."
A mixture of emotion swirled through him. He felt so useless and powerless.
"I'm sorry."
And he was, sorry that she had to love a man who had a deranged masochist for a father.
She gently took his hands in hers.
"What do we do?" he asked her.
There was no way he was losing her again. He would face whatever his father flung at him, but what of Gwen. He couldn't bear to see her hurt along the way.
"For now we must let him think he has the upper hand."
"I've got a better idea. I'll get Merlin to sort him out."
Gwen smiled slightly and shook her head. "And risk having your father remember, think what he would do to Merlin if he did?"
She had a point and Merlin had already told him it required dark magic to control another, or in his father's case, abuse of power to control him.
"I don't plan on staying in the Army when my time is up," Gwen continued. "I only have just three years to go. We will have to wait."
Wait, again and three years! He was about to protest when she held a finger to his mouth. "When I leave the Army he won't be able to hold that threat over me anymore."
Clasping her hand in his, he pressed his lips to the inside of her wrist.
"I'm not waiting three years. I will find a way to deal with my father."
He reached out and caught a few strands of her hair in his fingers, lightly rubbing them. He traced the outline of her mouth with his fingers. Then he replaced his fingers with his lips.
"I'm not letting you go again," he murmured and pulled her into his arms.
Holding her tightly, burying his face in her hair.
"We will find a way."
Morgana stood at the foot of Merlin's bed, a myriad of painful conflicting thoughts and memories assailing her. Merlin was Emrys. Merlin was her doom. Merlin had killed her. Morgana brought her hands up to her face. It's not true. It can't be real. They were just dreams.
She took slow measured steps till she was beside his bed. He lay there, so pale and still, lifeless almost. Why hadn't he woken up? Why did he look like he was about to die? When she saw him two days ago, he was well, getting better.
With trembling hands she lightly stroked his pale cheek.
"Tell me Merlin," she murmured in a hoarse voice. "Please wake up and tell me none of it happened?"
But he lay there, unmoving. Why wasn't he answering her? Why wouldn't he wake up? Panic took hold.
"Merlin!"
She gently shook him.
"Wake up ... Merlin. I need you." Her voice laced with desperation. "Please wake up!"
Still nothing; what had happened to him? Tears filled her eyes.
"Tell me it never happened." Her voice not more than a whisper. "I need to know."
Leaning over him she kissed him on the mouth, her own tears splashing on to his cheeks.
"Please wake up Merlin," she begged.
His eyes slowly opened. Morgana sighed, tight and small. It hurt her chest.
"What happened to you?"
"I-I had a ... relapse." His voice was strained, as if it took all of his effort to talk.
His face was so deathly pale. The woman in her dreams would have enjoyed that, but she wasn't her. She didn't want to be her.
"M-My dreams ... they really happened?" Her voice shook badly.
A deep sadness stole of his face. "Yes."
Double horror hit her. Her stomach heaved. She blinked rapidly. "Y-You ... killed me." Her voice not more than a whimper.
"Everyone lost Morgana." His voice was raspy, and unbelievably sad. "Everyone died ... Arthur, same day as you."
He swallowed, even that seemed painful for him. It hurt to see him this way. She was so confused.
"Except me, I was cursed to live an immortal life and watch people I care about die over and over again."
Morgana felt her stomach roil at his words and the raw pain in his eyes.
"You want to kill me Morgana, I-I don't blame you."
She brought a trembling hand up to her mouth. His words distressing her, did she really want to kill him? But there had been a time when she looked up to him as some kind of saviour, which had made his attempt at poisoning her so much worse – the betrayal!
"There were times I wished I could die ... so many times I wished I had done things differently."
She wrapped her arms in front of her, shivering.
"You let the hate into your heart just like Uther did. It blinded you, controlled you till everything that was good was lost."
Something clutched her insides. Her vision blurred with tears. His sad pale face haunting her in a way that stirred up repressed memories. Earlier memories, how sweet he had been.
"It doesn't have to be that way again."
Merlin screwed his eyes shut, his breathing becoming laboured. He was in pain, suffering like her.
"Just remember who you were before ... that person ... that good person with the kindest of hearts."
She was drawn by his words, by the force of conviction behind them. She watched him as well, mesmerized and tormented. His eyes opened and met hers.
"T-That's who y-you ... really are Morgana."
She miserably shook her head. He reached for her hand. His fingers were warm, hers so cold.
"Remember ... Morgana ... the druid camp."
He squeezed her fingers and sudden faint warmth began to fill her heart at the thought.
"Remember her ..." A weariness had crept into his voice. His eyes drifted shut.
The druid leader, Aglain sat with her.
'You're safe here. You shouldn't be scared of Uther. You should pity him.'
'Pity? Why?'
'Because he's a broken man, consumed by fear. His hatred of magic has driven goodness from his heart.'
Somewhere along the way she had forgotten Aglain's words. And she had become just like Uther. Broken, consumed by anger till it drove all goodness from her own heart.
And Merlin was the only person who had helped her, when her fear had been at its greatest.
'I'm sorry. I'm never going back. These are my people.' She had told him. 'They're like me. I don't feel so alone here. Do you understand?'
'Better than anyone.'
Of course he did, because he had magic and she hadn't even known.
She remembered, running through the words with him, Aglain and Mordred. How safe she had felt with Merlin by her side.
'We've got to keep moving.'
'My leg, it's too painful.'
'I'll try to create a diversion.'
'No, Merlin, you can't!'
'You carry on! It's my fault they're here! Go! Go!'
'I'll never forget this.'
She lightly caressed his pale face. But she had forgotten.
It had gone past midnight, when Arthur snuck out. Screw the rules, he was going to see Merlin and Merlin would come around. He'd make sure of it, knowing that his presence was a strong enough factor to bring the young man back. He needed him, more than ever. The whole episode with his father had left him shaken, troubled and worried as hell.
It hadn't taken him long to get adept at using the crutches. Not like the first time he'd used them. His leg felt much better. Merlin's magic no doubt working. The thought both rankled and awed him at the same time.
Lucky for him the coast was clear. This time of night the wards were clear of people. He just hoped Merlin was alone and there was no bossy nurse to tell him to go away.
He arrived at his door, slowly pushing it open. But Merlin wasn't alone. Someone was with him. It wasn't a nurse.
Even worse, it was Morgana.
What the hell was Morgana doing in Merlin's room?! She had her hands clasped, one over the other, holding them above Merlin's chest. Sudden fear gripped him. What was she doing to him?
"Morgana!" he exclaimed.
She looked up face pale, eyes red from crying. His heart thumped heavily in his chest. She remembered. He could see it clearly written all over her face. Oh hell.
"W-What are you doing to him?" he stammered.
He rushed into the room, the door swinging shut behind me.
She stiffened, her hands still held above Merlin. Time had stood still. She was going to kill him. He was about to lunge himself towards her, stop whatever it was she was about to do. And to hell with the consequences of what it would do to him.
"I-I'm ... trying to heal him," she murmured in a shaky voice.
It was the last thing Arthur expected to hear out of her mouth. Then he realised how much she liked Merlin now, but was it enough? Was it enough to stop her hatred? Please god, let it be, he silently begged.
"But you don't have magic now."
Her eyes widened in shock and surprise. Her face went ashen. "You remember?" she gasped.
He took a deep breath. Would he never learn to keep his mouth shut?
"Yes."
Her hands lowered.
"How long?"
"Since the explosion."
He could see the conflicting emotions cross her face.
"Y-You thought I was going to kill him?" Her voice sounded so sad and wretched.
"I ... I wasn't sure," his voice broke off there.
She was trembling. "I can't kill him. I know what I was ... what I had become ... and I-I don't want to be that again."
Her words both startled and touched him. He could see the sincerity in her eyes.
Arthur did, what needed to be done, he slowly and tenderly drew Morgana into his arms; holding her.
"It's in the past Morgana, none of it matters now," he murmured.
She clung to him. The sweet relief he felt, he couldn't even begin to explain. They stood there for several minutes, just holding each other and it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Morgana pulled back a fraction and looked up at him. "He spoke to me."
Arthur gazed down at Merlin's still pale face. He didn't look capable of speech. And he was definitely not conscious.
"Are you sure?"
She nodded. "He came around, just briefly."
Did that mean Merlin would be okay? Maybe the young man was merely sleeping now? A glimmer of hope filled his heart.
"What did he say?"
She hitched a deep breath. "Everyone lost."
Arthur went stock still at those words.
"You died; we all died, except him," she sighed, sadly, "He said he was cursed ... said there were times he wanted to die, so many times he wished he had done things differently."
Those words ate at his very soul. It was easy to forget Merlin had ever suffered. He was so adept at hiding his pain behind a quick smile, funny quirky words.
"He told me to remember who I really was before ... the person ... the good person with the kindest of hearts."
Arthur shut his eyes, tears threatened. Once again, Merlin had saved the day by helping Morgana to remember only the good. He gazed down at the young man, even in his current state. As much as it hurt to see him lying there so pale and defenceless, he fought the desire to wake him. Merlin needed his rest to recover.
"We should let him sleep."
They walked in silence back to his room. He glanced sideways at her pale drawn face, still in a state of disbelief. She had remembered and she was still the same sweet girl.
Morgana let out a empty bitter laugh. "Ironic isn't it that we still ended up with the same arsehole for a father."
"You got that part right," he muttered.
Morgana glanced at him, a slight frown crossing her forehead.
"Judging by the look on your face I'd swear you almost hate him as much as me now?"
"And with just cause," he muttered.
He found himself telling her about his father's visit that afternoon, how he had threatened him and extended Gwen's time spent at Camp Bastion.
"I still think he was bluffing about the prison thing," he said.
They were back in his room now. He was sitting on the bed, Morgana in the chair by his bed.
She went strangely still and quiet at his words. He looked at her puzzled, suddenly concerned by the dark shadows in her eyes.
"Morgana," he began, "What is it?"
She raised pain filled eyes to his. "He would do it Arthur."
He frowned.
"I know him, I know of past things that he's done." She took a deep breath. "Maybe it was about time I told you."
Arthur listened as she told him about her mother and what Uther had done to her. He had never known. It was no wonder Morgana hated their father so much. He didn't blame her.
He felt more connected to her than he ever had done. He also began to slowly realize that his father had a lot to answer for.
"Can't help who you have for a father," he muttered bitterly.
"There is only one thing we can do Arthur," she began, "Expose him for what he really is."
Morgana had left in the early hours of the morning and then it had taken him ages to get to sleep. When he finally did drift off to sleep it was surprisingly restful.
He had no sooner woken up when Gaius walked in with the results of his x-rays.
"You're leg," he began holding up the x-ray for him to see, "Two days ago there was no callus formation and now there is and it's advancing at a rapid rate."
"What does that mean Gaius?"
"You won't lose your leg and it will heal, the bones will knit up again, in fact better than ever could have been expected."
Arthur shut his eyes, so Gaius wouldn't see the tears forming.
"So Merlin's magic worked," he began, letting out a deep pained breath, "He still hasn't regained consciousness Gaius."
Gaius patted his shoulder. "He will."
Arthur wanted to believe him and yes he had spoken to Morgana last night, but that still didn't mean he would be alright.
"I tried to stop him using magic but he wouldn't listen."
His voice choked, giving away his emotional state. Damn Merlin.
"Yes, well that's Merlin for you, the amount of times I told that boy to lay low, not to get involved," Gaius shook his head, "Yet the number of times he didn't listen."
Arthur was starting to get a very clear picture of just how frustrating it must have been for Gaius.
"I swear that boy very nearly sent me to an early grave with the risks he used to take but he's Merlin Arthur, a warlock and the last of his kind and to tell Merlin 'no' is ... well futile."
Yes, he knew that, in bloody both lifetimes.
Once Gaius left Arthur determined it was time Merlin woke up.
He made his way to his room. Ignoring the nurse when she told him he couldn't see Merlin. He didn't care what they did to him, couldn't be any worse than his father threatening him with prison.
Everything ached. His head was thumping. One slight movement and it felt as if a thousand knives were prodding his brain. Something was niggling away at him, a thought ... no a memory.
Morgana – she was here. He tried to make sense of the hazy disjointed images rambling through his head. Did Morgana do this to him? Her distraught pale face flashed before him. She had been crying ... she had been so upset.
She had kissed him. He could still feel the softness of her lips on his.
'Please wake up and tell me none of it happened.'
'It had ... happened.'
What had happened? His head was just a jumbled mass of confused images.
'Everyone lost Morgana.'
Yes – lost ... he was lost ... he had lost everything. A deep searing pain pierced his heart. He could feel a hand rest on his shoulder. Morgana - he had to tell her something important. He had to help her, whilst he still could. Stop her from becoming ... Just remember who you were before.
"Merlin, wake up, Merlin!"
Definitely not Morgana, he would know that voice anywhere. Arthur ... he wasn't dead? Then it all came back to him in one quick flash. That life was over. It was present day, it was 2012.
Merlin forced his heavy eyelids open.
Arthur's hazy face came into view.
"A-Arthur," he softly murmured, a slow smile crossing his face.
The first thing Merlin noted was the relief in Arthur's eyes, the second; he didn't look happy.
In fact he looked really pissed off.
"It's been two days Merlin!"
He felt the smile vanish from his face, "T-Two days."
"What the hell were you thinking!" he continued, raking a hand through his hair.
"But you would have lost your leg ..." he began.
"So!" Arthur exploded. "I'd rather lose a leg than lose you," he continued hoarsely, "and it you ever do that again so help me god Merlin I'll kill you myself!"
Arthur's anger was feigned by his worry, Merlin knew him well enough by now.
"You always say that and you never do it," he glibly said to diffuse the tension.
Arthur stared pointedly at him. "This time I'm serious."
"No you're not."
"Merlin!"
"How's the leg by the way?"
"It's ... whatever you did it worked," he replied gruffly.
A slow smile crossed his face at the seemingly disgruntled look on Arthur's face.
"And everything's fine Arthur, I'm alright."
"You don't look alright."
"Neither do you."
"It's been hell these last two days," Arthur muttered. "Not to mention you missed all of the action."
Sudden memories took hold and Merlin tried to sit up, but the thousand knives piercing his head forced him to lie back down. He brought his hands up to his head.
"Morgana," he croaked.
He noticed the flash of sympathy mixed with concern in Arthur's eyes.
"Is fine, she remembers and she took it better than any of us thought she would."
"I saw her last night."
"I know."
How did Arthur know? Merlin looked at him surprised.
"I arrived not long after."
"You came to see me?"
"Tried several times but the nurses wouldn't let me."
"You were worried about me?"
Arthur rolled his eyes and snorted. "That's because you are a worry Merlin."
Then Arthur's face grew serious. "You can't keep risking you're neck to save mine."
Merlin averted his eyes. "Old habits die hard."
"Don't you ever think about yourself Merlin?"
That was a question he couldn't answer but he could see Arthur wanted one.
"Well you better start, because you were right all those years ago."
Merlin raised his eyes and looked at Arthur, suddenly curious.
"When I asked if you'd ever change and you said, no, I'd get bored."
Merlin was touched. "You remember that?"
A warmth filled Arthur's eyes. "I remember a lot of things."
Then he reached out a hand and ruffled his hair. "You seriously piss me off at times Merlin."
Merlin grinned. "Yeah but you don't want me to change remember."
Arthur shook his head as a slow smile crossed his face.
"Somehow I doubt you ever will."
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A/N: Thanks for reading. Please leave a review. I always really do love it when people tell me the parts they like the most. I do feel some of the scenes could have been better than what they were. That's the curse of a writer I guess. But if I deliberated on this anymore than I already have done it would never be uploaded!
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