Thanks Jill for beta reading, as usual. Sorry for the wait, but I'm pretty much stuck at the moment, and I still have just a couple of chapters ready.

Chapter 25

It was a rainy day, probably the most rainy day ever. No work could be done outside. Even walking was hard, due to the huge layer of mud. Jack and Claire had spent the day updating all the bookwork, so now there was nothing else they could do except waiting for dinner to be ready.

Claire was in her room, and Stevie was keeping her company. It was hard to work around Claire's grumpy face sometimes, especially when she was forced to stay indoors, but Stevie was willing to let her take it out on her from time to time. Stevie had to admit that even grumpy Claire had her funny side…

Claire was gazing out of the window. More correctly, she was gazing toward the place she used to meet Alex…

"Do you think he still goes sometimes?" she murmured, more to herself than to her mate.

Stevie's eyes got wide at the note of regret in her voice. Stevie was perfectly aware of what she was talking about… but still she couldn't believe Claire could be so blind. Alex had tried everything to make her talk to him again, and now she was asking if he 'sometimes' still went to their place?!?

Stevie knew for sure he was there everyday, as promised. So, when she spotted his big frame, sitting on the grass, from time to time she had a chat with him…

Every hint of anger at Alex for hurting Claire was faded away long time ago, at least from the letter. He had admitted more than once, during their friendship, how much he hated writing, so the letter was a definite proof he had it bad for Claire.

"Every time I was around there in the last days I saw him, sitting on the ground, waiting." The thought of him, all alone, with a comic in his hands, but ready to jump up at the first sound of hooves, made her resolve to try once again convincing her stubborn mate. "He's swallowing his pride for you Claire… Please, go, just once"

Claire just shrugged her shoulders, still looking out, with her back at Stevie.

She wouldn't admit it, even to herself, but she missed Alex. Not just her boyfriend, but the boy she used to talk to about everything, the boy that could race and ride with her all day long without getting tired.

And this was the reason why she couldn't see him now. She didn't want to be blinded by her missing him. She didn't want to be the object of another joke. She was still too hurt to let something like that happen again.

Not that she honestly considered something like that likely to happen again. Alex was wise enough not to do anything that could lead her to kill him. She just couldn't allow herself to have a doubt; she wasn't strong enough to bear doubts yet. It was way safer to avoid any chance.

"Now he'll be in his room anyway, playing stupid computer games with Nick. Liz won't allow him to leave the house while it's raining cats and dogs…"

"She would be right…not even the sheep would like to be outside with this crappy weather…"

Both laughed at this and the mood improved slightly, but the topic didn't come up again. Stevie knew she had done whatever was in her power, now it was up to Claire.

A few days later, after a lot of wondering, Claire decided that maybe Stevie was right and Alex needed a chance.

She blamed the ride for her racing heart, but deep inside she knew she was making a big step, a big step that could change everything… Seeing Alex and listening to what he had to say meant that she could maybe even trust him… if the explanation was good enough…

But was she ready to let him in again? Was she ready to get back in the game?

Once she was in sight of their place she sighed deeply before looking up from the horse, but when she did her breath stopped abruptly.

The place was deserted. Nobody was there.

He wasn't there.

Whether Stevie was lying, or Alex had stopped coming just now. Why?

But it didn't really matter.

He wasn't there. That did matter.

Once again he had disappointed her, and she swore to herself this was the last time she allowed him to do it. This was the last time she would let him hurt her.

Nobody knew where she was gone to, but Stevie guessed it as soon as her friend rushed in the house, literally fuming.

After a few minutes Stevie dared to open slightly the door of her room. "Claire, are you ok?" the red girl carefully asked.

"No, I'm not. But I need to be alone, please." She begged. Stevie knew she couldn't but do as she was told, as usual, at least until Claire was ready to tell why she was so upset.

After spending the whole evening and the night in her room, Claire finally joined the others for breakfast. The only explanation the others got was an upset stomach that now was gone. Everyone was pretty much conscious that this had something to do with Alex, especially because nobody could even name him in front of Claire for days without her storming out of the room, but this knowledge didn't make things any better.

At the end of the week Claire from the stable heard her father telling Meg he was going out, and it was weir considering that it was the middle of the afternoon, too early for the pub but too late to go into town. Anyway she didn't give it too much a thought, it happened sometimes that he went for a ride at every hour, usual or unusual, so she kept brushing Jupiter.

"Claire, I'm going to Killarney. You should come with me…" Jack told her daughter peaking his head into the stable.

"Why?"

Usually Jack went to talk to Harry, they talked about workers and poker, nothing interesting, so there was no reason for her to go with him, especially now that one of the inhabitants of the house was a no-go topic.

"I know you two broke up and it's none of my business, you already told me, but you've been friends since he came in this area, I'm sure he'd like to see ya."

"He has legs, he could come here instead,…" she grunted, but not so sure about her own words. She knew he had tried, but every time he was around she disappeared somewhere…

"Come on, of course he can't! I'm sure Liz won't let him leave the house for at least a month! His pneumonia was quite bad and she's still upset he left the house when he was supposed to be in his room…"

Claire felt like a bucket of icy water had been poured over her. What was he talking about? Pneumonia?!? She wasn't a doctor and didn't know that much about illnesses, but that word sounded pretty bad in her head… "What? Pneumonia?!?"

Jack felt a bit guilty seeing Claire's face turning pale, but how could he possibly know she hadn't heard anything? In the house they had been talking a lot about this lately… But probably not when Claire was around… And then, maybe, a little fear about Alex' health could make her rethink about her current behaviour. Sure Alex had done something wrong, or she wouldn't have been that angry, but it was still weird to see his daughter acting so irrationally about whatever concerned Alex Ryan. The more she got on like this, the more he missed his too rational girl that always put work first and liked talking to horses better than to human beings.

"Yes. Last week, do you remember, when it was raining so heavily, apparently he left his room from the window and got a cold. He didn't tell anyone and nobody noticed until two days later, when he wasn't at home for dinner. Apparently Nick knew where he was going and they found him unconscious in the grass, shaking from fever. He's been in hospital for a few days…"

"I… I… didn't know…" was all Claire could mutter. Guilt was starting to creep up on her, along with a strange pain in her stomach. "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"He'll be alright?"

She was clearly searching for reassurance. He hated to see his daughter so upset, but the only thing he could do was smiling at her, both to let her know there was nothing serious to worry about and to tell her he was there to talk and support her if she needed him.

"I called this morning, he's been discharged from hospital and short visits are allowed, so I reckon he'll be fine. He still has fever, but it's lower every day… So, are you coming?"

"I can't… maybe tomorrow…" she said shaking her head, not believing her words herself. "Dad, please, tell him… tell that…"

Tell him what? That she was sorry? Sorry for what? Because he was ill? Because he was ill and it was her fault? Or because she was angry with him for not coming while he was in hospital?

And what did he think about her now? He was angry? Did he even want to talk to her at all? Did he think it was her fault? All this was running so fast in her head that she couldn't think straight. The only thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't see him for now. "Never mind"

It was her fault. He was waiting for her… and she had been so stupid to be angry with him for not coming when she had stated it was completely useless. And however he was there. Under the rain.

How incredibly brainless was that?

Maybe another girl would have though it was romantic… but Claire wasn't this kind of girl. Her rational side was coming to the surface, and her rational side was telling her that Alex had been stupid, but ihe had been stupid because of her, so it had to be her fault.

"What have I done?" she whispered to herself.