I am not receiving money or property off of anything submitted here. I am only borrowing the characters Janet Evanovich created. My use of JE's characters will be different than her use of them and they will change and be considered by many to be OOC. The characters I own are mine and may be borrowed here by anyone for their use here. I will return JE's characters when I am finished with them and they will be in the same pristine condition as when they were borrowed...no matter what their fate is in my fiction. Thank you for reading.

The alarm was going off and I was doing okay ignoring it until the phone started ringing and the two sounds together could not be ignored. I reached over and slammed my hand down on the alarm clock and grabbed the phone and pulled it toward where I assumed my ear was still located. "Yea…yea, I'm up. I know…I'm up. Thanks," I sighed and reached over and attempted to drop the phone back on the cradle. It took a couple of tries. Then the other alarm clock went off. The one I travel with. I know myself. If I drink, I need a little extra incentive to get up the next morning. Normally these three methods would be enough, but today I would have gone right back to sleep except for one thing. I had to pee. I mean I had to pee badly. So I got up.

Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that today was Tank and Lula's wedding day. Somewhere back there I knew I had things to do, I had important things to do and I needed to drag my exhausted behind out of bed. Somewhere back there…I even registered that I was buck ass naked. I mean somewhere back there were a lot of things registering that my conscience mind was diligently ignoring.

I dragged myself out of bed with a groan after throwing Ranger's heavy arm off of me and with half closed eyes I made my way to the bathroom. I did my business and turned the shower on and just stood there under the spray for a few minutes praying that the warm water would somehow clear in the fog in my head…and maybe turn into coffee too. It didn't. The fog in my head was bad too. I recognized that I was on the ship. I knew Ranger was in the bed. That's pretty much it. Everything else was dancing in the back of my mind and refused to let itself be acknowledged. Knowing what I know now, I don't blame it.

As I stood under the warm spray, bits and pieces of the evening started coming back to me beginning with the rehearsal. I remembered that I'd had to be Lula for the rehearsal so the marriage wouldn't experience any bad luck. I also remembered that I didn't even get hives from it. A small smile creased my face and I winced in pain as the pounding in my head increased. Oh God, I was so hung over. I couldn't remember when I'd gotten that drunk ever before in my life. And I was in pain. The little men with the jackhammers needed to get their asses out of my skull before I took a sledgehammer to the whole kit and caboodle. Okay, that's not my best idea. Did I mention that I have a HANGOVER?!

I sighed and squinted and reached for the soap. I remembered that Ranger and I had gone out with Manuel the night before. I remember a very loud and very happy local bar filled with locals who all appeared to be friends of Manuel's. I remembered a lot of drinks. Well…it was more like an endless pitcher of drinks. The stuff didn't taste strong and someone kept telling me that the local hooch had some mad powers. I laughed along with them. I suspect that the local hooch had more to do with my laughter and my pounding head than anything else.

I had a vague memory of being on the beach at night with a bunch of other people. I remembered kissing Ranger. I sighed and reached for my shampoo and squeezed some out into my hand and rubbed it into my hair. I lathered it up and then leaned forward rinsing it out while holding my breath and feeling the suds wash right down my face. I lay my palms on the wall of the shower and just felt. It was rather calming all that warm water and suds. I even thought my headache was beginning to ease. I was willing to bet there wasn't a McDonald's anywhere near by with the cure, warm water and Advil would just have to do. I finally sighed and pushed myself upright and that's when I saw it and I admit it…I shrieked. You know, I always wondered what shrieking sounded like. I like to think I'm not the hysterical sort, you know what I mean. Anyway, now I know.

I ran into the bedroom naked and dripping and screamed, "Fuck me. Oh my God! Ranger…Ranger…Ranger," I repeated his name each time I shoved him in a tone that can only be described as hysterical. Sigh! "Wake the fuck up! We did not get married! Tell me that we did not get married!"

"We didn't get married," he mumbled from under the pillow. "Go 'way," he growled.

"Really? Are you sure about that," I hissed. "Because I'm looking at my hand and I see evidence on my left hand to make me think I got married. If I married someone last night and it wasn't you then why in the hell did I wake up naked in bed with you this morning," I shouted. "And what in the hell did we do," the last part was said as I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at his reclining form.

"What," he groaned. "Look…you're going to have to talk to me later Babe. I have a really bad headache. Manuel and his damn local hooch," he groaned again and shoved his head farther under the pillow.

"Are you even listening to me," I grunted and pulled the pillow away and threw it across the room.

He reached for mine and I did the same thing, "Babe…I have a headache. We'll talk later. I promise."

"Talk to me about it now," I hissed and tugged at his hair. "I have the hangover from hell too and I think we fucking got married!"

"You're hysterical," he sighed. "Calm down, I'm sure there's a rational explanation for whatever…"

That was it! Now I was really mad. "Ricardo Carlos Manoso! Wake your sorry ass up and look at me," I said the last and pushed him really hard. "This isn't me being hysterical because I have to toss away some thousand dollar shoes! This isn't me being upset because some skank can't remember my name! This isn't me being a nut job because I have to solve a crime while you're 'in the wind'." I even added the air quotes around 'in the wind'. "I am not even over the top because I've been hit by a car, shot at, or nearly blown up. WE GOT FUCKING MARRIED YOU IMBECILE!"

"Are you crazy," he squinted up at me. "Get back in the shower. You're dripping all over the place."

"Why do I have on a wedding ring," I said calmly with a lift of my brow.

"I don't know," he growled and rolled over and his left hand came into view and he shouted, yes…he shouted, "Holy mother of God."

I blinked at him and started to wobble precariously. If he saw it too, it had to be true.

He reached for me and pulled me down on the bed, "Babe…did we…? I don't think we'd… We didn't, did we?"

I swallowed. He was not happy about it at all. "I don't have time for this. I'm supposed to meet Lula at the spa in about twenty minutes. I don't have time to be married."

"Well…logically, you have all the time in the world…for the rest of your life even to BE married. It's the getting married part that takes the time."

"Apparently not," I sighed. I glared at him, "and why are you being so logical and calm anyway? This is not a logical and calm thing! I don't feel logical and calm. I feel hysterical. And I don't need pie," I bit my lip in shock. "Oh God, I don't need pie. Why the hell don't I need pie Ranger?"

"Babe," he grinned wolfishly. "There's a very logical explanation for that part. I'm a boy. You're a girl. We are attracted to each other. We were drunk."

"Not good enough Ricardo," I glared at him.

"Well, if and I do mean a big IF, we got married naturally…I mean it makes perfect sense that we'd consummate the marriage."

I blinked at him, "oh my God."

"I just don't remember getting married," he frowned down at the ring on his hand. "Do you think we really got married?"

"I don't know," I sighed and my bottom lip began to tremble and fat tears slid down my cheeks in slow moving waves. "It's not supposed to be like this."

He tugged me against him and kissed my shoulder, "maybe we're not really married Babe." He suddenly smiled cheerfully, "you know this is probably Manuel's idea of a joke. That's probably all it is."

"Right," I sniffed.

"Go on and get dressed and meet Lula just as planned. I'll check into this and let you know what I find out."

"Okay," I sighed and got to my feet. "What about this," I said staring down at the thin gold band on that all important finger of my left hand. It had been a long time since any ring had rested on that finger for more than a few seconds.

"If you leave it on, it will attract attention," he said seriously.

"If I take it off…I mean if this is…"

"What Babe," he raised a brow.

"Its bad luck," I stuck my chin out defiantly.

"Then…if I put it on, I'll take it off," he said and tugged the ring off my finger. "What do you want to do with it?"

I reached for the ring and curled my hand around it into a fist, "I don't know. I just don't know." I made my escape back into the still running shower with tears pouring down my face. I needed Dr Addison. I needed him now.

When I got out of the shower Ranger was sitting on the side of the bed with his head down and the sheet over his lap. His matching gold band sat on his finger just where it had been when I left him and a single piece of paper was dangling from that hand. He was on the phone and listening intently. "Are you sure," he said and paused to listen. "All right, thank you very much," he said and hung up.

"Well," I raised a brow.

"Babe," he said softly and winced.

I swallowed, "we're married?"

"We're married," he agreed. He handed me the piece of paper in his hand.

I looked down at it. It was a marriage certificate for Ricardo Carlos Manoso and Stephanie Michelle Plum dated the previous day. It looked pretty damn official too. It had a seal and everything. "Oh God," I groaned.

"And we can't just have it annulled," he said softly, "because…well…you know?"

"Are you sure we…?"

"Babe," he raised a brow.

Okay, I was sure too.

"We'll figure this out," he said gently.

"Right," I nodded and swallowed back more tears. "I have to go."

"We'll talk later," he said.

"Right," I agreed and ran out the door.

I ran all the way to the spa and arrived two minutes early and almost collided with Lula when we entered. "Well, here's the bride," I said cheerfully.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm getting married today," she said with eyes as big as saucers.

"Breathe Lula," I smiled. "There's nothing to it. You'll be fine."

"Girl…it's been a long time since you done got married. How do you know it's gonna be fine?"

"I…I just… I just remember that it was," I said swallowing back the threatening tears. "This is your day Lula."

"I look like a cow. I'm going to look like a big white heifer in my dress. Tank and I have been exercising since we got on the ship and I'm going to look like a big fat white cow."

"Honey," I said gently and took her cold trembling hand in mine, "do you love Tank?"

"Oh God yes," she nodded.

"Do you want to have his babies," I asked.

"The sooner the better," she nodded in agreement.

"Lula," I put my arm around her trembling shoulders and sighed, "I remember seeing you for the first time in that dress. I remember feeling all soft and mushy inside and thinking to myself…" I swallowed back the emotion, "and thinking to myself that you looked like a beautiful bride. Trust me when I tell you that you're going to be gorgeous in your dress and this is going to be a beautiful wedding. I know it. I can feel it. You and Tank are getting married for all the right reasons Honey. You're going to be fine."

"Thank you baby," she sighed and hugged me tightly to her. "I've never had a friend like you before Stephanie. You are always there when I need you to be. You're always…you're the best friend I've ever had."

"Oh Lula," I said tearfully hugging her back, "I love you."

"I love you too," she sobbed.

"Can anybody get in on this love fest or is it just between you two," Felicia said with a laugh as she joined us in the spa.

We opened our arms and let her into our circle and added Odetta, Connie, and Natalie when they joined us moments later.

"Now, no more crying," I said pulling away and reaching for a tissue from the counter to wipe Lula's eyes. "You can't cry today. You don't want to be puffy. So…let's all get in there and let them work their magic and make us gorgeous."

"Easy for you to say," Lula huffed and headed into the spa.

I shrugged and trailed behind the other women. I didn't feel gorgeous. I rather felt like I'd been hit by a train.

The mother's wanted Lula between them and Connie was content basking in the glow of their motherly joy. Natalie and understood that the mothers needed some time with Lula and Connie needed time with her girl. Lula's future at the Bond office was no longer a sure thing. Tank wanted her to quit and stay home and make babies. That's what Lula wanted. Connie was feeling really sad and missing Lula already. So we opted to stick together and let the others stay together. We decided with very little consideration to start with massages. God knows I needed one.

"Okay…what gives," Natalie asked sitting up just enough to give me the eye while we waited for the masseuses.

"What," I blinked.

"Come on Steph," she raised a brow. "We haven't known each other a long time. But I know when something's bothering you and something has really got you messed up today."

"It's nothing," I shrugged and swallowed resting my head on my crossed arms to avoid her gaze.

"Steph," she said gently. "You look like you're about to break and I know it's not about this wedding. I know you're genuinely happy for Tank and Lula. So what is it?"

"It's…oh God," I groaned and looked over at her begging intently without words, "Natalie if I tell you; you have to promise not to tell anyone even if you're tortured. I mean it. If they do the Chinese water torture on you or stick bamboo under your fingernails, you can't say a word. You have to swear you won't tell a soul."

She sighed, "don't tell me. I have to tell Cal. We promised there would be no secrets between us."

"Cal wouldn't tell anyone, would he? You'd make him promise, right?"

"Of course I would," she assured me.

"I got really drunk last night," I sighed.

"Honey…everyone on this ship has gotten really drunk at least once while we've been cruising and I include the right Reverend and Mrs. Burns. That's not a big deal. Some of us have even made a career out of being drunk here," she said shaking her head.

"Well, yea…but not everyone got married when they were drunk."

She blinked at me, "what did you say?"

"I got married."

She squealed, "oh my God."

"Shhh," I groaned. "Come on Nat…this is supposed to be a secret."

"Right…I'm sorry. At least tell me that you married Ranger?"

"Who else," I shook my head.

"Was he drunk too?"

"I have to say yes," I sighed. "He was as surprised as I was this morning."

"Wow," she blinked. "What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea. We can't just file for annulment. We sorta…you know…"

"Yea, I know," she grinned. "How was that?"

I shrugged.

"You don't remember that either?"

"No," I sighed. "I just know I don't need pie."

"Damn…it must have been real good," she bit her lip.

"Yea…it usually is," I said and laid my face down on my hands.

"What's your gut feeling about this?"

"That my mother is going to kill me," I sighed.

"Seriously Stephanie," she shook her head.

I sighed, "My gut feeling is that he'll feel trapped. My gut feeling is that he wouldn't have done it in his right mind because he has…you know…"

"Commitment issues," she nodded in agreement.

"I think I'll have to divorce him on the sly to keep my mother from excommunicating me from the family. If she knew about this…it would be bad Natalie. It would be real bad. She calls Ranger dear. She's planning our future in her head. I know her."

She reached her hand out and I put mine in it, "but she doesn't know Steph. As long as you don't do anything crazy like register for gifts or worse…tell her, you should be fine."

"Or wear my ring," I sighed.

"Yea…or that," she said sympathetically. "Nobody will hear about it from us.

"Thanks Nat," I sighed and took my hand back and put my face down.

"But…Steph, you love Ranger. Are you really going to be okay with this," she frowned.

"I don't know," I said wiping angrily at my tears. "I just don't know."