Chapter 25 Stresses and strains

When Caroline woke she was dreaming that she was late for work and her adrenalin was just about to kick in to propel her out of bed and into the shower when, fortunately, reality hit just quickly enough to save her from doing so. She was thinking to herself how much she loved the first day of half term holidays when she looked at her clock. Half four. Damnation, whatever was she doing awake at that time of day? She rolled over slowly so as not to disturb Kate before realising that she was alone in the bed. Initially thinking that Kate must be using the loo, she lay still waiting with anticipation for her to come back to the bed. A re-snuggling down with Kate was a fabulous reason to be awake at any hour. However she soon realised that Kate was not in the en-suite and she went looking, finding her curled up on the sofa with a blanket and a cup of tea. Kate looked up guiltily as Caroline came into the room.

"Hello. What are you doing awake at this time of day?" Caroline whispered affectionately, lifting the blanket to join Kate while brushing her lips against her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, did I wake you? I came downstairs so I wouldn't disturb you." She returned the kiss.

"You didn't wake me. A rather realistic dream had me thinking that I was late for school and I woke up with a start and then I found out that I was alone in the bed. I felt lonely!" She nuzzled Kate's neck. "You smell good."

"Rubbish, I smell sleepy and more than a little sweaty."

"Yup, as I said, you smell good. Why were you awake anyway? Are you ok?" She nuzzled some more and placed an arm across Kate's tummy, feeling Simone tossing and turning. "Gosh, she's cooking with gas. Oh, is that why?"

"She has been on the go since three o'clock and I gave up any chance of getting back to sleep about twenty minutes ago. It's a good job that there's no school tomorrow, I'm whacked."

"Kate, why are you insisting on working to the end of term? You could have already started maternity leave. I know you initially asked to work until the Easter holidays but you were on your own then and I can understand that timescale might have worked better for you but you are not alone now. I can sort out cover for the rest of the term."

"Can easily do without me, can you?" There was more than a slight edge to Kate's response which did not go unnoticed by her fiancée.

Caroline drew Kate further into the hug and stroked her face. "Of course I can't do without you, easily or otherwise. I didn't intend to imply that."

"I'm sorry, Caroline. I didn't mean to bite your head off. I'm just tired and feeling hopelessly sorry for myself. Anyone would think I'm the first person to be pregnant. Shit, Caroline, I feel so cranky." She played with Caroline's hands, nervously.

"You are not the first person to be pregnant and neither are you the first person to think that you are! Has Cranky Kate got any tea left in that mug, I fancy a sip. I won't mind if it's cold."

Kate picked the mug up from the table and as Caroline went to take it from her she whispered "let me" and brought it to Caroline's lips, locking eyes with her. Caroline sipped from the mug while Kate drank copiously from the fountain of love which flowed from Caroline's eyes.

"Roll on seven weeks, I can hardly wait to be your wife." Kate sighed.

"I mean what I said about starting maternity leave earlier than planned, Kate. Please don't take that as criticism or feel that I am trying to get rid of you; in fact the opposite is the case because at least if you are in the same building I stand some chance of seeing you during the day."

"You mean finding some excuse or other to be in the language corridor at the time when classes are rotating! I did wonder. Checking up on me that I'm not doing anything untoward like climbing on desks to reach the display boards in my classroom, are we?"

"Not in the least. I'm patrolling the corridors looking for you because I can barely cope when I am not in the same room as you. I trust you to be sensible enough to know what is reasonable for someone who is over 30 weeks pregnant without me checking up on you! Come back to bed, Kate. I'll hold you until you fall asleep and if you don't fall asleep I'll hold you until morning."

Kate did not need persuading and they walked together back to the bedroom. Simone continued to practise her acrobatics for some time but eventually all three slept soundly well into the morning.

The day passed quickly, last minute arrangements were finalised and practicalities like laundry got up to date to reduce the pressure after the move. They also fitted in a trip to see Kate's dad and took him out in his wheelchair for a short walk in the winter sunshine. Caroline pushed the wheelchair and Kate walked beside them, a hand through Caroline's arm at times, on Donald's shoulder at others. As they walked by a fish and chip shop Donald said that the smell made him feel hungry so they stopped off to buy him a portion of chips which he enjoyed on the way back to the home. Much to Kate's amusement he kept offering his bag of chips to Caroline, whose dislike of chips was greater than her wish to please Donald but she accepted a few chips anyway before throwing them into the hedges along the road. After settling Donald back into his room with a cup of tea and a bag of marshmallows they went on to see Kate's mum who just happened to have prepared a hearty spiced stew and dumplings. Constance was disappointed that Lawrence was not with them so promised that she would pack a Tupperware of the stew for them to take home to Lawrence. Constance was concerned that Kate looked tired and told her so.

"That's as a result of being up at four o'clock this morning, enough to make anyone look rough the next day, eh Caroline?"

"I'm not the one to answer that. Maybe I am biased but to me you always look beautiful." Doe eyes met azure pools and even to Constance it seemed as if the clock stopped.

"Mork calling Orson. Hello. What were you two doing up at four o'clock in the morning? Don't tell me if it's too much information!" quizzed Constance, looking on with a mixture of warmth and anxiety.

"Mum, honestly. You'll embarrass us! Simone was awake and wanted her mummies to be awake too. She must have done somersaults, hand-stands and cartwheels for a good two hours."

"Welcome to the joys of motherhood, Kate! You were much the same before you were born right up to the time when you were meant come into the world, when you became very lazy and wanted to stay snug inside me. Then when you were born you were a terrible sleeper at night so I hope Simone does not take after you. I don't see why Caroline needed to be awake, though." Constance looked at the two women, seeing their eyes riveted on each other's. "No, scrap that thought. It's patently obvious that you two can't be apart."

"Simone is usually busy in the afternoon and evenings so I am hoping she won't take after me when she is born. It was very much a one-off, well, so far!" Kate went off to use the toilet and while she was gone Caroline grabbed the chance to get Constance on her side about Kate's work plans. However, it seemed as if Constance had the same intention and she got in first.

"Caroline, I'm sorry for interfering but it worries me that she is trying to do too much. I can see the defiant youngster coming out. It was not easy to climb all the mountains of prejudice that she had to face with both her race and her sexuality and she developed this way of thinking that she had to be better than everyone else to get respect and prove a point."

"I could not agree more, Constance. I am trying to get Kate to start maternity leave earlier than planned. It worries me that she pushing herself to keep to her original plans. She doesn't need to work so hard, she could start mat leave now. Will you see if you can persuade her?"

They heard the bathroom door open so Caroline went to use the toilet too in order to give Constance time on her own with Kate. She reached the bottom of the stairs as Kate stood at the top. They went to move at the same time so Kate called out to Caroline.

"It's meant to be unlucky to pass on the stairs, you know."

"What could possibly be unlucky about meeting you in any place or time? Come on, I'm game if you are! My mum says that William once said that if you don't take risks you are not living! It's all in her head because as you know that's not at all William's philosophy, but let's assume that she's right!"

So they slowly walked towards each other with eyes once again locked, the tension building. Caroline made the most of the space restriction to envelop Kate in a hug and sucked at her neck before Kate swatted her away with a smack on her bottom.

"Spoil sport," grumbled Caroline and completed the climb. Kate couldn't help but stand ogling her lover's bottom as it swayed invitingly, until Caroline disappeared along the landing.

As Kate went back into the kitchen she held her neck where Caroline had sucked it, wondering if she had latched on long enough to leave a mark. She beamed as she thought how much like a teenager she still felt in front of her mum. Her mum's words added to that sensation but in a more negative way, which wiped the smile from Kate's lips.

"Kate, sweetheart, Caroline has been saying that she is worried about you working until the end of term. I am worried about you, too. It's a big ask for anyone and whether you like to reminded of it or not, you are not a young mum-to-be. You need to look after yourself."

Kate's mood shift was dramatic.

"Mum, thank you for discussing me behind my back. I wish both of you would stop treating me like a child. As you have just said, I'm getting on in years and I can make my own decisions." Kate got her coat from the back of her chair, being ready and waiting before Caroline came back into the room, greeting her rather curtly. "Are you ready to go then, Caroline? Lawrence will be wondering where we are." With that she kissed her mum rather more briefly than she would normally do and after picking up Lawrence's portion of the stew, was out the front door.

Caroline and Constance made eye contact and the expression on each of their faces said all that needed to be said. Caroline kissed Constance, who squeezed her arm reassuringly, before following Kate out of the house. Caroline was expecting yet more reaction from Kate but she was still rather surprised at the tirade which came her way as soon as they got into the car.

"I can do without you encouraging my mother to help you make decisions about my future, thank you very much. You are treating me like a child. You are not at school now, Dr Elliot. Please don't ever do that again." Kate's words themselves were uncaring and her tone gave no doubt to the fact that she was very angry at Caroline.

Caroline had been on the receiving end of Kate's ire in the past but this was the first time that either one of them had spoken to the other since their reconciliation with anything other than affection in their tone or the content of their communication. Caroline had put her seat belt on and was about to drive off when she thought better of it and instead turned to look at Kate.

"Kate, please. I didn't mean to treat you like a child. I'm worried about you. I'm sorry if I have gone about it the wrong way. Please don't be angry with me."

"Angry? Angry! I'm furious. This is not fair. You've now got my mum worried too." She almost shouted at Caroline and the confines of the car made it feel very oppressive.

"Believe it or not but she was worried about you anyway. It was pure coincidence that I brought up about when you are due to start maternity leave just when she was asking me to get you to slow down."

"Well thank you for caring but there is no need."

"Kate, I love you. We are going to be married soon. What sort of fiancée would I be if I stood back and ignored my worries? It really does not have to be about you proving a point. You have already worked beyond the 28 weeks when maternity pay can start. Think about that. That's not an arbitrary figure. Someone must have worked out that this is a reasonable time for pregnant woman to start to prepare themselves for the birth. I'm sorry if I have upset you. Please, please know that it is only because I love you that I have spoken as I have."

Although Caroline's tone was in complete contrast to Kate's, with patience, love and understanding behind every word, it appeared to make no difference to Kate's demeanour. She turned to look out of the side window of the car, not talking or meeting Caroline's eyes. Caroline started the car and they began the journey home, which was somewhat uncomfortable with Kate making no attempt to communicate in any way. Previous car journeys had always followed a certain pattern but on this occasion there was no discussion on what was playing on the radio, no resting of Kate's hand on Caroline's thigh and no eye contact whenever there was a stop at a junction. Caroline felt as if she was floundering. Their history together had given her no experience of them being able to exchange major differences of opinion without catastrophic consequences. She was more than a little concerned as they pulled into Conway Drive.

The frostiness between them thawed a little once they were back indoors, although if they had been asked both would have agreed that effort was being made for Lawrence's sake more than each other's. After Lawrence had gone to bed Kate also left the room and Caroline's heart was truly aching and she had tears in her eyes.

'Oh would that someone or something would please help me know what to say,' she thought to herself. Caroline was beginning to wonder if she was going to find Kate sleeping in the spare room when a pair of white lace panties waved from the doorway followed by Kate putting her head around the door.

"I've done a Gillian, haven't I?" she said quietly with an apprehensive smile. "You know, over-reacted. Would it be at all possible for me to blame my hormones and get away with it?"

Kate came over to Caroline who held out her hand for Kate to hold, drawing her onto the sofa.

"You can blame what you like. It's fine, Kate. I understand. You did tell me this morning that you were tired and cranky. I should have given you more support and talked it through more rather than making you feel that your opinion didn't count."

"I was horrid, I'm afraid. You and mum didn't deserve that. I have just phoned her to apologise as I wanted to catch her before she went to bed. But honestly, I know you both mean well but I feel ok. I don't think that I need to stop work yet. I'll be fine. I promise I will let you know if I start to struggle. Deal?"

"Well, acceptable but not ideal and so not a done deal! I would ask that at least you sleep on the idea. Well, if Simone lets you sleep, that is."

"Ok, I promise. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow. If Sandra says anything, we'll talk again."

Kate cuddled into Caroline but felt that she needed to continue to reassure.

"I really am sorry, sweetheart. I should not have been so angry and it's not right for me to blame my hormones."

"I was worried, Kate. I'm not good at dealing with us arguing. We've not got a very good track record of recovering after such a disagreement. It's something that I need to learn to manage and not panic every time we have cross words. I need to trust that you won't take your love away."

"That you do. There's no d in front of anger, my love. My love won't be going anywhere.

Caroline smiled then chuckled. "Mind you, the waving of your knickers was a sight that I might appreciate seeing from time to time."

They went to bed soon after. They shared some kisses and caresses, gentle and innocent in their intent, there being an understanding between them that full sexual expression of their love was not required to build bridges and they fell asleep content as usual in each other's arms, both appreciating that they had come a long way since their failures of the previous year even if there were still lessons to be learned.

Kate's ante-natal appointment had been booked some time previously for the Tuesday afternoon and Caroline went along with her as planned. All was well until Kate's blood pressure was taken. Sandra spoke as she removed the blood pressure cuff.

"Kate, that's rather higher than I would like it to be. I would like to take it again in about half an hour. You need to stay laying down and I'll put some relaxing music on for you. If I know you, you'll have been busy rushing around. A little rest should do the necessary."

The midwife was reassuring but Caroline was not reassured, although she tried to be blasé about it. When Kate's blood pressure was taken again the reading was better but the midwife was not entirely happy.

"Here's what I think, Kate. I know it's a busy week for you because I remember you booked a Tuesday appointment because of your house move later in the week. You have got to realise that you are getting to the point when you might need to slow down. Stop trying to be all things to all men." She looked at the two women and blushed. "Sorry, not the most appropriate way to express what I need you to take on board!"

"I'm fine, honestly. Yes, it is going to be a busy week but I'll be fine now I'm on half term." Kate was not sure whether she was trying to reassure the midwife or Caroline, but she suspected Caroline might be the harder nut to crack. She was wrong.

"Right, if you won't listen to me I will have to be more abrupt. High blood pressure is potentially very dangerous for mum as well as for the baby. That's the bottom line. If it stays high there are quite serious consequences which you well know. It's all best avoided and it is avoidable."

Kate's eyes started to become moist and she grabbed at Caroline's hands. Caroline put her arms around Kate and she too started to cry. The midwife allowed them both time and then started to speak again.

"Kate, you said about being on half-term. Does that mean that you still working?"

"Yes I am, but it's holiday for two weeks and then I'll only have five more weeks to work."

"Working until nearly your due date, then?"

"Not quite. I'll be 38 weeks."

"Ok, that's splitting hairs. Let's look at this. I assume you work about a six and a half hour day with students. What about extra-curricular activities? What about lessons planning and marking? I'm surprised that your head lets you keep up that pace. Mind you, not that employers have much say these days. The ball is almost totally in the employee's court." She noticed the smiles between the two. "What have I said?"

Caroline explained their professional relationship.

"That puts the school in a difficult position, then. Because I am advising Kate that she should slow down. That's slow down. Not stop. Not take to her bed and not lift a finger for two months. Just slow down. As her employer, it is going to be difficult for you to work out what you are going to do with that information because you cannot pretend that you have not heard it."

Kate jumped in to defend her fiancée. "Caroline has been trying to get me to slow down. She has suggested that I start maternity leave now but I don't want to. I just feel it is too early."

"Did you hear what I said?" asked Sandra firmly. "I said slow down, not stop. I am aware that the psychological health of the mum is important too, so being at home and feeling negative about that must be taken into consideration. I'm going to leave you two for a few minutes."

Caroline had watched and listened while weighing up an idea. When Sandra left the room she asked "Kate, what about going part-time?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Part-time means cutting your hours down. That could be the compromise between us and enough to keep Sandra happy!"

"Is that possible?"

"What do you mean? Possible to keep Sandra happy? No, seriously, of course it's possible. I'm quite sure that the Gavin will agree to work something out because I cannot be the one to make that decision now, obviously. Say, for example, you stop your music commitments and just carry on with languages. We could get peripatetic staff in quite easily for music. If I'm right about your timetable that would give you all of Wednesday and Monday afternoon off."

"Don't be coy, sweetheart. You know my timetable backwards and forwards and inside out. I wanted so much to see the students through to the end of term."

"Yes and that's commendable BUT you wouldn't do them any favours if they lost you suddenly because you had to call in sick or go off without warning. You know as well as I do that if you were to go off sick now for a pregnancy related illness, you would automatically start maternity leave."

By the time Sandra came back in to the room she could tell by their faces and body language that a possible solution had been reached. The women did not delay in letting her know their plans. She was as pleased as they were that the way ahead looked brighter, and safer. A follow-up appointment was made for the following week and they left with Sandra's words ringing in their ears.

"You are not to be involved in anything to do with lugging boxes! And no stress! You are to be sent to a desert island for the moving day if needs be!"

Later that afternoon Caroline left Kate curled up in bed while she went with Lawrence to empty her mum's flat and pack the car so that they were ready for the trip to the farm the next morning. As they settled into bed that night it was Kate's turn to offer encouragement and support for another situation requiring action.