While everyone else was attacked by mustard….We did some good old BASHING.

x-x-x-x

"Kiss me, Edward Cullen!" Metilda said, wrapping her arms around Edward's neck.

"Yes my beloved!" Edward leaned in and pushed his lips against Metilda's, teasing her by licking her lips with his tongue. She opened her mouth and he deepened the kiss.

Bella walked through the door, dropping her book bag on the side and pulled back her hair, "So…Saturday would be good to go to the…HOLY FKING SHOOT." Bella stumbled backwards into the wall. Which collapsed. Yes, collapsed.

"No wait Bella!" Edward whipped around, taking his tongue out of Metilda's mouth. "Let me explain, please…" He stepped forward. And dropped on one knee. Why? We don't know…It's Edward…Angsty Angsty Edward. Ba dadaboom dadaboomity boom. Oh oh. Break it down now. Angsty yeah yeah yo yo ANGSTY. YO GOTTA BE ANGSTY ANGSTY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. Yeah anyway…

"NO! NEVVEEEEERRRR!!" Bella walked out of the collapsed living room and down the street. Crying she was, she was oh so sad…yes…sad…Oonta…Oonta…Oonta badoomity boom boom BAM…..-shifty eyes- Sooo…

A brand new vampire caught up to Bella. He was hott. Like, really, hott. He was so awesome. We all know he's better than Edward. I mean it's not like Twilight actually meant anything. Only New Moon matters, right? Riiiiggghhhtttt. Anything is possible dood….

"Hey Baby." He winked. Ewww…do I see an ELVIS PRESELY HAIRCUT?

"Oo-la-la." Bella winked too and jumped on his motorcycle which appeared out of no where.

"Do you like ELVIS?" this really weird Elvis looking guy asked. My bad, "vampire."

"No." Bella shook her head. "Why you aren't like…ELVIS are you? Lol!!!!"

"Actually…I AM. BOOM BABY."

"Since when does Elvis say BOOM BABY?" Bella raised one eyebrow and jumped off the bike which had shrunk into a tricycle. How? Ask ELYSE.

"BELLA! BEEELLLLLAAAAAA!!" Edward screamed, kissing Metilda on and off on the way over to Bella. Will the madness never eeennnddd?

"NO EDWARD I WILL NOT MARRY YOU OR FORGIVE YOU LOLZ. CUZ I'M MARRIED TO ELVIS NOW. AND I'M PREGNANT. AGAIN. LIKE ALWAYS. LOL. OHNOES I HAD A MISCARRIAGE AND IT'S ALL UR FAULT SO NOW I'M GOING TO LIKE-LOL-FALL INTO YOUR ARMS AND FORGIVE YOU!" Bella said in a really high preppy voice…

Somehow, while kissing Metilda, who appeared to be Aro's granddaughter. Yeah, somehow, ARO HAD KIDS. Really…I mean you think the guys happy pills would prevent him from having kids…but you knoooww…O.o; …Edward managed to speak to Bella. SOMEHOW.

"So like. Anyway Bellz. Now that you forgive me and all, I think it's time to tell you….METILDA AND I? YEAH WE'RE TWO PEAS IN A POD. TWO PEAS IN A POD BABY! TWO!" Here Edward held up three fingers to represent two.

"NO WAI."

"YA WAI!"

"Lolz. I'm Elvis."

Emmett slapped Elvis and disappeared, waving his arms going "YOU DDIIIDDDN'T SEEEE ANYYYTTTHHHIIINNNGGGG!!!!"

O.o; Okkaaaaayyy….Moving on.

Bella fell into Edward's arms dramatically, "BABY. I LOVE YOU. YOU LOVE ME. WE'RE ONE BIG FAMILY WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND GIVE A DOG A BONE…..I'M TOO SEXY FOR YOUR EYELASH."

Metilda the blow up doll (yes she was a blow up doll after all…-sigh- Sorry guys!) deflated and squeaked "I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY! I'LL GEEEETTT YOOOUUUUUU!!"

Soooooo…………..Jacob was murdered brutally by a bunch of vampires just out of the blue and was sued a million dollars just because. Also, in conclusion, Rosalie had five kids who killed her because she was mean to them and she was a whiny little brat all the time.

There. Everyone's happy. Riiight?

Wrong.

"BOOMDABOOMITYBOOMBOOOOOM." Once again HARRY POTTER disguised as AFI spoofed from the ground and replaced Metilda. "I AM. HARRRRYYY POOTTEERRRRR." He yelled.

"You're a hair pot?" Edward asked, tilting his head to the side, "SWEEEEEEEEEEET"

And so Hairy Pot became a very nice flower pot and table for Edward and Bella while Harry Potter remained missing and unfortunately, his owner, had to fake his death in her last book.

THE END.

Boomchakalalala BOOMITY ANGSTY ANGSTY WOOOAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Edward; Why are the drums still going off?

L.C.Candle; This is a BASHING fic! I HAVE TO BASH THE DRUMS. DUH.