I HAVE ALL THESE GREAT IDEAS FOR THIS STORY BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO IMPLEMENT THEM WELL. LIKE I THOUGHT ABOUT HAVING VARIOUS TECH LEAK THROUGH, LITTLE MOVIE THEATRES, PEOPLE FIGURING OUT HOW TO COMBINE TONE DIALS WITH MP3S OR AT LEAST HOW TO MASS PRODUCE THEM, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
AH, BUT TO ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAVELED TO THE ONE PIECE WORLD…
A LOT OF THEM DIE.
A LOT.
YOU KNOW HOW WITT KNOWS THINGS AND USES THE INFORMATION (SOMEWHAT) WISELY?
WELL, IMAGINE IF A BLABBERMOUTH STARTS SPOUTING OFF THINGS THAT THEY SHOULD NOT KNOW AROUND PEOPLE WITH FUNCTIONING EARS.
BAROQUE WORKS ALONE IS AN ORGANIZATION THAT PRIDES ITSELF ON SECRETS.
LET'S NOT EVEN GET STARTED ON THE WORLD GOVERNMENT.
THEY DIE OR GET SENT TO SOME SECRET PRISON TO BE TORTURED FOR WHAT THEY KNOW, AND THEN DIE.
AND THEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO, LIKE WITT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY, HAVE NO SENSE OF THE SCALE OF HOW DEADLY THE SITUATIONS REALLY ARE. SOME PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT BEFORE GETTING A BOAT AND RAISING A BLACK FLAG.
LET'S JUST SAY THAT THAT WENT WELL.
I'M SURE SOME OF THEM ARE DOING WELL. I IMAGINE THAT WHITEBEARD HAS HAD A LOT OF ENTHUSASTIC RECRUITS, SOME OF WHICH DIE BUT MOST KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING BY THAT POINT.
BUT AS A RULE, MOST OF THEM DIE.
MORIA'S PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT ALL THE CORPSES THO.
PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY ONES THAT DON'T DIE ARE THE SMART ONES, USUALLY THOSE WHO STAY OUT OF THE LIMELIGHT AND JUST KIND OF GIVE THEIR FAVORITES THEIR SUPPORT FROM THE DECKS OF THE WORLD.
Sorry about all the capslock, but this has been bothering me a while. I wish I was a better writer that could actually stick to things instead of getting distracted by cartoons about ghosts and superhero shit.
"Well, that was… slightly underwhelming." I muttered as Vivi lept off of my back, cutting down the sniper pair with a single sweep of her Peacock Slashers. She cut the fuse with the same attack, turning back to me with a smile.
"I don't know how you knew where it was…" She began.
I tap the side of my head with a smile. My line of 'Psychic powers.' goes unspoken.
"…But you've saved a lot of people." Vivi finished. "A real hero. Just like Luffy-"
I cut her off. He'd hate it if she called him a hero, even if he does play the part more often than not. "It's not heroism if you're getting paid. And we're doing this for selfish reasons anyway."
"Huh?"
I grinned. "Isn't it selfish to do things just so someone will smile?" I said, tilting my head to the side.
"You've got a scewed view of morality, Witt-san…" Vivi said with a sweatdrop.
AND THEN SHE NOTICED THAT THE BOMB WAS ALSO TIMED AND THEN PELL DID MANLY SHIT THAT PROBABLY WASN'T A SUICIDE RUN THIS TIME.
OH AND THE REST OF US COLLAPSED IN THE STREETS LIKE ROAD-TRIPPING COLLEGE KIDS ON THEIR FIRST MARDI GRAS WHOOP
I scratched the side of my face, before Chopper slapped my hand away from the bandage. I looked around the group. Everyone was recovering nicely from their fights, with only a few bandages remaining from what was cracked bones and bruised ribs a few days back. Still not sure what's in the air that allows for such fast recovery. Luffy was the worst off, with friction burns from punching a man made of sandpaper, slight poisoning with a fever to match, and god knows what else. He was still asleep, three days on. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before he woke up once Sanji and Usopp arrived with groceries, so I pushed his hat onto his head as soon as he sat up.
"That was a great nap!" Luffy giggled. "You're a good First Mate, Witt." He says as he claps the back of his hat like he's making sure it's secure. For all I know of a Monkey's ways, that's exactly what he's doing.
I grinned. "So, the kingdom is saved, Crocodile is defeated, and the Avatar has brought balance back to the world at least until next week."
This gets me a confused blink. "Who?"
I wave him off. "Ignore me."
The boor banged open as Zoro and Ace barged into the room, both dirtied and slightly bruised. "Hey Luffy!" Ace calls happily.
Luffy grinned waving at the new arrivals. "Long time no see!... Wait." He grabbed his chin, even as Chopper started yelling at Zoro to keep his bandages on. "Why did I say that?"
"You've been asleep for the last three days." Nami said with an exasperated sigh.
Luffy blanks out, buffering for a moment before flying into panic. "WHAT! I MISSED FIFTEEN MEALS?"
"That was a fast calculation…" Nami sighed.
"That's like five meals a day." Usopp said with a minor sweatdrop.
I grinned as I rocked back and forth on the bed. Now this, this was what I really loved about being in this crew.
Dinner was… pure cacophony, to say it plainly. I do not think I have ever been at a meal this crazy, not even during high school, but it's… nice. Comfortable. I don't have to wait for the ice to break, because the warmth of the room has made it so there was never any ice to begin with. Sure, I'm fighting with Luffy over the occasional food item, and, sure, I was trained to be better behaved than this, but fuck it, I'm a pirate. I exist to break rules and make respectable people go '…urgh'.
"Witt, you've got to try some of this." Usopp says, pointing at a plate between the two of us. I reach for it, managing to snag a piece before Luffy sucked up the rest. I quickly nom down on my scrap and I can actually feel my eyes actually do the sparkle thing.
"That good huh?" The sniper says appreciatively.
I do not know opera, but I swear I can hear 'hallelujah' in the air. I nod, even as I reach over for something else. Exploration is now. I might not have been adventurous with my eating before I came to this world, but man, if there's a place to become a foodie, this is it.
Luffy's trying to talk with the king, despite having several pounds of food stuffed in his mouth.
Nami is trying the different wines, while Zoro aims lower with his alcoholic consumption.
Usopp is joking with Chopper and Eyelashes, even as he spikes the occasional dish with hot sauce for Luffy's gastronomical pleasure.
Ace plays all ends of the eating field and hasn't fallen asleep once since dinner started- alright, there's one streak broken.
Joke started out fumbling with utensils, apparently having once had some concept of manners, but he's since said 'fuck it' and dove first into his plate, only stopping to order me to grab whatever caught his batty interest. I'm a little concerned that he'll explode, but hey, magic bat.
Sanji's asking for recipes as new dishes come out, breaking out his best smile as he discovers another piece of a world that nobody in the crew appreciates as much as he does.
Vivi is the happiest I've seen her yet, because the weight of a collapsing kingdom is no longer on her shoulders and she can finally let the fact that she's only sixteen years old shine through.
Even the guards are getting caught up in this festive atmosphere, making this into a true party, one where no one is left lingering on the outskirts. I grin as everyone acts like their actual age for once.
This is my happiness.
I've made a decision. My dream… is to keep the smiles on these faces.
Yeah, I know that that's a bullshit dream, but let it be. It's a dream; it doesn't have to come true.
I giggle as Luffy eats a fireball loaded with hotsauce.
Ah, well. Done being mushy for the night.
"This is the palace's royal bathhouse." King Cobra said, wearing nothing but a tiny little towel. Goddamnit, he's pretty damn trim for a king dude with a sixteen year old daughter.
I look around. Holy. Fucking. Shit.
This is the coolest bath I've ever been in, not to mention the biggest. Considering that the one grew up with was slightly rotten and yellowed from age and other factors that nobody really talks about and the actual best is the one on the Going Merry, it's not really much of a contest.
Also, let me to establish a fact. I'm the kind of person who likes to know how to act in a situation. This is not a situation I was ever prepped for. This is… hello, booty.
This is more booty than which I was prepared for. I stare up at the collection of fine ass above me. Zoro is absent, either having gotten lost or having no interest in the female sex. Why Luffy is up there is slightly mysterious. Maybe he's just up there because everyone else is. Along with Chopper.
"Just saying, this is probably a horrible idea." I call up to them.
"HAPPINESS PUNCH!"
They all fall down. I squat down next to Ace as I peel Joke off the floor. "Told ya."
"Shut your face." The bat snarls at me. "It was worth it."
Well, so much for the 'done with mush'. It's just manly mush. Kingly manly mush. Wow.
I seriously doubt my dad would have done anything like this if it had been me and his everything on the line.
The thought sobers me for a moment, and Zoro raises an eyebrow at me.
"So… we're leaving tonight." Zoro said, gazing out the window serenely.
"It's better that way." Sanji said.
I nod. "It'll only be bad for them if we hang around. Our bounties are bound to spike based on events, and the kingdom can't afford to have such neferarious types lingering about without action."
"What do you think my next bounty will be, Witt?" Luffy asked.
"One hundred thousand." I say grandly.
The crew is appropriately awed. Except for one person.
"Seems… kind of lowball." Ace muttered. "'Specially for kicking a Warlord around."
I glance at him, making a pouty face. Thanks for ruining the effect, jerk. "You think they're going to admit that fact, though? They hate losing face."
The shirtless wonder ignored me, so I stuck my tongue out at him.
AND THEN WE ESCAPED THROUGH THE WINDOW AND RODE INTO THE NIGHT ON GIANT DUCKS LIKE BOSSES
Alright, if I hadn't known about the drag queen, I would have been (pleasantly) surprised to see Bon-chan. As it was, I'm not someone who has access to their high functions when tired, so I had a slightly more 'meh' reaction than the rest of the other prize for absolutely zero reaction, at least to the 'drag queen bit', went to Ace, who has probably seen enough okamas to overthrow a small island and set up a monarchy.
"This guy is a member of Barque Works?" He asked, pointing his thumb at Bon.
"Was." I say. "Was. What Bon is… well, Bon is a total bro, that's what." I grimaced. "Even though when he copyed my face, I wanted to cut said face off."
"And there's additional evidence to prove that you're insane." Usopp said as he carried his knapsack past me and up to the men's quarters.
"My face, not his."
Sanji rolled his one visible eye, balancing a stack of crates on his shoulder. "Still not helping your case."
ONE TEARY PARTING FROM FRIENDS LATER…
"GO FASTER!" Ace yelled as the Marine ships slowly closed the gap, their cannon fire slowly getting nearer and nearer to actually sinking us instead of splashing water and the occasional fish over the deck.
"WE CAN'T GO FASTER; MERRY IS LEAKING!" Usopp snapped back at the cook, hammering at his quick patchwork.
I was hauling buckets of water up and dumping them over the side. "GUYS, WE HAVE A SWIMMING POOL." I announced as I almost tripped over the harpoons (where the hell did those come from) that were stacked up on the deck.
"SHUT UP, WITT!" Zoro snapped.
By my next trip up to the deck, the harpoons were gone, as was our pursuit. The Monster Trio was still staring at the destruction they had, for once, caused completely on accident. I whistled in appreciation. "Think they got the point?" I ask.
Sanji nodded dumbly. "I think so." He said, staring at the pincushion ships that were quickly disappearing behind us.
It took three hours to get everything back to normal, though by the time we were done just stopping the leaks below deck, I knew this was the beginning of the end for Merry. Heck, maybe the beginning of the end was back when we ran face-first into Laboon. A caravel wasn't made for this kind of abuse, no matter how cute it was. I rested my hand against the mast warily, as if just touching it would break something else that we couldn't afford to lose.
"I think we did a pretty good job patching Merry up, don't you think, Witt?" Usopp asked cherrily, spinning his hammer around before slipping it into a beltloop on his overalls.
I forced a small smile. "Yeah. Won't be long before she's more patch than ship…" I noted, rubbing the iron band-aid that had mended one of Luffy's crazier impulses.
The sniper frowned. "Don't talk like that. Merry will take us all away around the Grand Line, easy."
My expression wavered before slipping into a sad smile. "I know what's on the other half of the Grand Line, Usopp. This is not kind, especially to cute little ships like ours, and the New World is even less so." I looked over to where an entire side of our ship was barely nailed onto the rest. "We'll be lucky if Merry holds out to Water Seven."
Zoro raised an eyebrow at me from his napping place. "Psychic powers?"
I gave him a thumbs up, happy to have an excuse to break away from seriousness. "Glad to know you keep your listening ears on."
The swordsman huffed, folding his arms. "Well, between the hammering and the rest of the crew bitching, I'm kind of regretting it."
Joke snorted from his perch, helping me realize how quiet it was (consider the ship and know fear) and looked around.
Ace was looking up at the rest of the crew, who were laying around despondently. "Luffy, what's wrong now? The Marine's aren't following us."
"I miss Vivi!" Luffy declared, prompting the rest of whiners to cry about Vivi too. "Witt, why aren't you crying?"
I shrugged. "Because I saw it coming, and I respect her choices. Like an adult."
"Boo, boring adult!"
Zoro stood up. "If you're so hung up on it, you should have just taken her by force." He said peevishly.
"Boo, idiot marimo."
"Savage idiot."
"Lazy psychopath." I twitched at the insult, even though it wasn't directed at me.
"Three swords style."
"Luffy, that's not an insult." Usopp muttered.
"Four swords style."
"Luffy, you need to tell him that he smells like natto, or something."
"Five swords style."
"Now you're just being obtuse."
I snickered, turning my attention to a door that would open in three, two, one… I nodded my head at the newest addition to the crew. "Good afternoon, Miss All-Sunday."
"We finally escaped the firing squad?" She asked, even as the rest of the crew (sans Ace) freaked out.
I grinned as she disarmed them all without turning to look at them. Ah yes. Someone who could destroy me without batting an eye. Wonderful.
"LUFFY, YOU CANNOT JUST ASK RANDOM DANGEROUS PEOPLE TO JOIN US." Nami snapped. She turned to me. "WITT, TALK SOME SENSE INTO HIM!"
I raised my eyebrows. "Alright." I coughed into my fist. "Luffy… You have great taste in babes." I received a dope slap for my trouble. "What? I don't have a problem with her. And I'm the one here that actually knows EVERYTHING."
Robin stiffened slightly at that.
Usopp leaned towards me. "Everything?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, not her measurements or anything creepy like that." I added defensively. "I leave that domain to Sanji-kun."
The cook pirouetted as he delivered a cup of coffee and a slice of chocolate cake to the newest member of the crew. "I have been struck by a lightning bolt by the name of love!"
Within the next five minutes, the rest of the crew, except for Zoro, who seems to be naturally suspicious of women anyway, and Ace, who is often hard pressed to give a fuck, especially when something had the Luffy stamp of approval, was eating out of Robin's forest of hands.
She looked over to me, studying me.
I smiled at her benignly and waggle my fingers at her. What can I say? A beautiful woman who can kill a man six ways to Sunday while being a charming personality and a powerful mind is a goddess that Mercy D. Witt finds worth worshipping.
The News Coo was late, but we sure knew it when it did arrive.
Nami shrieked as she looked at the new Wanted posters. I scanned the numbers. Luffy's had jumped up to 100.000.000 beri, which nobody gives me credit for accurately predicting, mine had leveled at a slightly hilarious 33.000.000, Zoro had broken through with a slightly disappointing 25.000.000, and the last…
"WHY DO I HAVE A BOUNTY?" Nami screamed, holding it up to show off a bloodied and bruised picture of herself, with the title Lightning Thief written in bold.
"Why'd you get such a good nickname, Nami?" Luffy whined.
"And why is it higher than mine?" Zoro asked as he looked over the 40.000.000 beri bounty.
I raised my finger to answer… and then clapped my mouth shut. "Which Baroque Works member did you defeat?" I asked.
"Mr. One."
Oh shit. Oh holy shit. "Nami. You kicked the ass of a legendary bounty hunter. Daz motherfucking Bones. Of West Blue." I looked over to Zoro. "Singlehandedly?" I ask, trying to just… process beyond the thought of 'holy motherfucking shit'.
The swordsman nodded. "Yup."
My jaw dropped. "Holy shit, Nami. You earned every beri of that."
"WHAT IF I DIDN'T WANNA EARN IT?" She yelled as tears poured down her face.
Okay, maybe the last scene was a little out of order, but I really wanted to write it in.
Sorry about the shorter chapter. I'm a little out of practice.
Also I'm so sorry for taking so long. Life has been busy and I'm easily distracted by comic books.