Chapter 25.
In which prophecies are made void… or at least altered.
He woke up feeling oddly calm and comforted, not really knowing what had happened to him. For a couple moments of complete and blissful ignorance he didn't remember… and then it all came back, making him curse the moment he opened his eyes. How much time had passed? Moaning, he got up from his bed.
"Ah, you're awake."
Námo sat in one of his chairs, blending surprisingly well into the dark interior. Sauron just wanted to ask how long he had slept, when the Vala already answered him.
"Approximately 6 months."
What? He couldn't have slept that…
"I kept you asleep. You needed the rest, you were an inch from spontaneously disincarnating."
Of course, and they couldn't have that, now could they? Bitterly, he remarked,
"Why do you even care?"
The Vala sighed.
"We're not as cruel as you believe."
Sauron shook his head, not even doing the effort to answer out loud. Námo liked to read his mind, so his thoughts would do for an answer. He couldn't put the feeling under words anyway.
"How do you feel?"
That earned the Doomsman a fiery glare.
"How do you think I feel? Not only has my wife died and left the circles of the world, never to return again, I have also found out that all the years I had a semblance of happiness were actually part of some big, divine conspiracy to make me MORE MISERABLE! I was chained invisibly and forced to change my ways in the lowest way possible, making me doubt everything I am and everything I was! Guess how I feel!"
Námo was used to having fëar curse at him, so he didn't really mind the small tirade. What he did mind however was the resigned look the Maia got in his eyes as soon as the outburst of anger faded. Sauron looked tired, even after sleeping for half a year, and his dull expression was one Námo recognized from the Eldar who faded in grief or mental agony. As he watched him, it seemed his compassion hadn't run out yet… He read Sauron's mind, trying to gain understanding of the Maia's feelings, and then quietly said.
"You truly loved her."
"I did. Conspiracy or not, I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything in the world. I just… It's… I…"
He couldn't find his words, and the Vala softly shook his head at his frustration.
"Ssssh… Calm down. You're still somewhat under the spell's influence, don't force yourself."
Sauron frowned at him, suddenly embarrassed for his unmasked sadness. He hid it under indignation.
"Don't ever put me to sleep again. I don't need it, I'm not a weakling."
"Needing rest and time to mourn doesn't make you a weakling. But no, I won't put you to sleep. I want to show you something. Come."
The Vala led him out of the bedroom, down the winding flights of stairs, until they reached a small living room where two people were quietly conversing. His children. Realizing that they couldn't see him, Sauron took the time to observe his offspring.
Umátimon sat on the sofa, his long black hair falling elegantly over his shoulders as he played with a strand. He had grown into a very handsome half-Maia, it had to be said. His facial features were much like his father's, but his golden eyes and expressions were softer, and the whole made for an exotic combination with his light brown skin. Sauron was well aware that his son had a whole harem of admirers fawning over his beauty… His sister was very different. Melehtiel's hair was unusually short –barely reaching her shoulders- and jaggedly cut, as if she had on a certain point decided she wanted to get rid of her braid and just cut it off with the first sharp thing she could lay hands on. Knowing his daughter, that was a very likely possibility. She was very attractive, but lacked the subtle grace of her brother. Instead there hung a certain kind of restlessness over her, something carnal and predatory. Even in her elaborate mourning robes of black silk she looked as if she could draw a sword and engage in battle any moment. Sauron contemplated the children. They were so different, radically different, and yet they each had something of both their parents. He tried not to look for pieces that reminded him of Sinistra… instead he caught up on their conversation. Melehtiel smiled melancholically at her brother.
"Do you remember that we used to play in the fountain?"
"Play? You mean fight."
"Yeah. Mom used to fish us out every time when we were doing the Fall of Gondolin."
"I still can't believe you managed to convince me that game was a good idea, time after time again."
A cackling laugh resounded.
"You were really gullible when you were little."
"You were just really good at seducing me into evil, that's it."
They were laughing, but Sauron could tell there was a tension under the thin layer of mirth. He didn't really know why Námo wanted him to see this…
"Mom was never really angry with us, was she?"
"She was pretty pissed that one time you made an explosive device."
"One time? I made a lot of explosive devices."
"I mean the one device that was actually made specifically for explosive purposes, not the ones that accidentally exploded."
Umatimon raised an eyebrow and Melehtiel grinned.
"Oooh, that one… Yeah, she was pissed. And she was rather miffed too when I hung you from the balcony."
"Nah. She said you were so much like dad, and that was it."
They were silent for a moment. Then Melehtiel asked, hesitatingly,
"Do you think dad is okay?"
"I… I don't know."
"I'm worried about him. Last time I checked he was still sleeping, I don't know if that's good or bad... Do you think Maiar can fade, like elves?"
"I don't think they can. At least… I hope not." Umátimon sighed. "He really loved mom… He must miss her horribly. Maybe he misses her so much that he doesn't want to wake up anymore without her."
"Aren't we important enough to wake up for?"
"We're… we're just his children. That's very different from a husband or wife. And we're technically adults now, so I suppose we're expected to take care of ourselves."
She frowned at that.
"I can take care of myself, but parents are for more than just obligatory caring. If dad doesn't think us enough to even wake up for then he's actually saying he doesn't love us enough."
"Well, Miriel did love Finwë and Fëanor, but she still faded."
"Yeah, and see how that turned out. Do you really consider Fëanor, of all people, a good example? In my opinion she didn't love them enough."
"Did mom love us enough? She left as well."
"That's different. She couldn't help it."
"Maybe Miriel couldn't help it either. Maybe dad can't help it either."
As always,Umátimon was being a voice of reason. Sauron suddenly felt… guilty. His son was giving valid arguments, but his daughter was right. He himself had accused his wife of not loving them enough to hang on, but she truly couldn't help it. He could, he had a choice. Giving up would simply be cowardly. The Doomsman looked at him, sternly but not uncaring.
"You believed that your wife is completely gone… but she isn't. She lives on in your children, in your memories, in the things she accomplished. It is a different way of living on than what we Ainur are used to… but that is the way of the Secondborn." He waited a moment. "The Secondborn believe that they don't truly die until they are forgotten. It is the task of those they leave behind to keep them alive in memory."
A task that now fell to him, Sauron understood. To him and his children, and backing out of it would be dishonoring Sinistra's remembrance. He eyed Námo with a strange new respect. He still didn't like him, far from, but…
"Why did Eru do what he did?"
"The ways of The One are unfathomable."
Sauron raised an eyebrow. Really now. Námo stared back, unmoved. Engaging in a staring contest with the Doomsman was really not a good idea… Eventually though, it was Námo who gave in… sort of. Without averting his gaze, the Doomsman said.
"Maybe it wasn't so much of a punishment as it was of a lesson."
"A lesson in what?"
The moment he said that, Sauron knew. A lesson in patience, understanding, friendship, bravery, loyalty, respect, love, loss, and a lot other things he had never grasped too well before. He had truly learned a lot. But why would Eru worry about him learning those things? He was a product of discord, doomed to disappear from Arda after Dagor Dagorath anyway… Námo read his mind and gave him a meaningful look.
"Prophecies are only that. They are based on the particular situation, the state of affairs so to say, in a world. When that situation changes, because worlds collide at a certain point and information that wasn't part of the original state of affairs is exchanged and becomes a factor, the prophecies change as well. Maybe Eru wasn't satisfied with the state of affairs in our world, or Sinistra's? Or both?"
It was strangely loquacious, coming from Námo, and Sauron looked surprised. The Doomsman sent him something that could pass for a smile… if you squinted.
"I will be going now."
"Do I have to worry about you stalking around here in the future?"
"You don't have to worry about it."
With that the Vala disappeared, and Sauron suddenly found himself in his room again. After the initial confusion, he realized he felt… calm. The void, the aching loss was still there… but he felt calm about it. Not as if he would implode or fade from misery anymore. He still couldn't think about Sinistra without feeling as if he was choking though, so instead he thought about Dagor Dagorath. Námo had implied that perhaps his role in the end battle had changed due to Sinistra's presence on Arda… Sauron found himself hoping that maybe, instead of just being destroyed, he would leave the circles of the world after the fight, and be reunited with his wife. It was odd to think about that, but also remarkably comforting… Who would have thought he'd once consider the end of the world comforting, in any way? Sauron shook his head to himself. No, that was all still very far away, he shouldn't think about that yet. There were other, more important and urgent things to take care of now… His own rationality surprised him. When had he become so calm and collected? Deciding that it didn't matter, he went to see his children. It wouldn't do that they thought he didn't love them enough…
(Pagebreak)
Instead of finally trying to conquer Gondor, Sauron adorned his wife's tomb to make it a resting place fit for the queen she was. It was a healing project of sorts, and as he worked on it his memories slowly started filling the metaphorical hole in his fëa. It was comparable to nailing a piece of wood over a broken window; it didn't truly repair anything, but it made functioning possible.
A life size statue of Sinistra, forged from solid black metal, was put on the grave. It was a remarkably realistic rendering, making it seem as if the late queen was lying asleep atop her tomb, covered in metal. The grave stated the name of its occupant, and was decorated with a deeply carved out text in an alphabet that no inhabitant of Middle-Earth, aside from Sauron and his children, could read. It seemed only appropriate to honor Sinistra in the language of her home world…
A heart of love the Void must overpower,
Peers for a vanished day's last vestiges!
The drowned sun bleeds in fast congealing seas...
And like a Host thy flaming memories flower!
Under it, a single phrase in Black Speech was written.
Trafub nar urkzû, nân lat slaiub ûkil inum-izub-ishi.
"We will not meet again, but you will live forever in my memory"
And live in his memory she did. In all their memories, even those of people who hadn't known her. Stories about the mysterious Dark Queen and her magic, mostly originating from people who had lived and worked with her in Minas Morgul, travelled over borders and generations until Sinistra was truly immortalized in the way of the Secondborn: in stories and tales that spun a lot of drama around a small factual core. And it hadn't even happened on purpose. Whether she was a figment of imagination or had been an actual person was over time somewhat forgotten by most people, but her stories were retold either way. Sauron often wondered what his wife would think of it, would she know of it…
"Do you think mom would like her grave? And the way we buried her?"
Sauron looked at his son with a raised eyebrow.
"To be honest, your mother would probably scold me for daring to bury her with that heavy crown… She always put comfort over looks." He smiled sadly. "As for the grave, I'm sure she would appreciate the poem. She was rather fond of that poet, Baudelaire."
Umátimon stared at his mother's tomb, and softly said,
"I miss her."
Sauron believed he had gotten ash in his eyes. Or so he told himself.
"So do I, Umátimon … so do I."
(Pagebreak)
He made himself no illusions. Life had never been easy on him before Sinistra, and he doubted the pesky thing would change that habit now that she was gone. Nevertheless, he wasn't bitter. Sad perhaps, but never bitter. What was it again, that expression he had read in one of his wife's books? "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Despite everything, he couldn't help but agree. The memories made his fëa ache in the way that only something sick with grief and longing could ache, but no matter the pain it caused he would never allow them to fade. He would forever remember until the last day of time, and then he would be with her again. No matter what course his life would take, and what other ironic occurrences Eru might throw on his path, this he knew for sure. As for the rest… well, he would see. He had two beautiful children, a land to rule, wars to fight, inventions to make… In any case his future prospects were better than those he had had in the Void; it wouldn't do not to make use of this chance. Dagor Dagorath was far away still, but Sauron promised himself that the coming ages would not be spent idly…
(Author's Apologies)
This was it... The last chapter. This is the end of "The Unlikely Visitor". I can hardly believe it myself. It's sort of crazy, I've worked so long on this project that it's strange to click that "Complete" box...
Sauron has spent six months asleep, but what he doesn't know is that his mind travelled the Path of Dreams again, and that those six months were spent in the Gardens of Lorien, where Irmo has done whatever he could to prevent him from going insane with pain and grief. Sauron has no memory of this period, for his own good... (so if you wondered how he became so calm and collected, that's how. Fëanturi FTW!)
The poem is a piece of "Evening Harmony" from Charles Baudelaire, out of the compilation "The Flowers of Evil". As you may remember, Sinistra cited a remarkably fitting phrase from "The Man Who Tortures Himself" by Baudelaire for Sauron back in Hogwarts, and I thought this was remarkably fitting as well.
The end phrase "Trafub nar urkzû, nân lat slaiub ûkil inum-izub-ishi" is the same phrase Sauron ended his letter to Ginny with. Ironically, he already knew what Namo told him about living in memory, before it truly became an issue in his own life...
So, for all the strange humor and apparent asshole-ness of our beloved Divine Irony, he did have a good plan. He has fixed two worlds at once, so to say, by letting Sauron fall into the wizarding world. And he gave his wayward Maia a second chance to actually do something constructive with his immortal years, by teaching him a lot of fundamental life lessons. Isn't that what good parents do? Raising kids doesn't always mean being their friends, sometimes it means hurting them in a way, doing things that seem unfair and not giving them what they want, so they can grow and learn. I like to think that Eru does love his children. All of them; even Sauron, even Melkor.
The stories about Sinistra were mostly told in the eastern lands at the start, but I imagine that over time they reached even Gondor...
Also, have you noticed that even though Namo tells Sauron not to worry about him stalking around in Mordor, he doesn't say he will stop stalking? xD
As for the visual inspiration for Sauron's kids; Umatimon is basically a mini-Sauron with light brown skin and a less doom-unto-you demeanor. Melehtiel is based on Dejah Thoris from the Warlord of Mars comics, but with more clothes and (at the moment) less hair. I would draw them a family portrait, but I can't even draw stick figures. xD
This was, as I said, the last chapter. However, I will add one-shot appendices to this with extra information and short stories about the life of Sauron and Sinistra in Gondor, and about the fates of the people in the wizarding world. You'll learn why exactly playing the Fall of Gondolin was a bad plan, under which circumstances Umatimon got hung from the balcony, how Melehtiel lost her braid, what became of Ginny Weasley and Precious Nibelungen, how Gondor reacted to Mordor being rebuilt, and much more. So follow if you aren't doing so already! :D
Now... the Thank You part.
I want to thank all my reviewers. The ones that I know by name are, in order of first appearance:
hug the ents, ForTheLoveOfHades, Stalin's Pipe Organs, TheSillyKitten, LalaithElerrina, DragonOwl, Cyblade Silver, Aj Freas, Maddness1, Galad Estel, GenoBeast, Sayle, Muirgheal-of-Lantern-Waste, .ai, dracomancer6491, fantasywind, UnknownPerson87, Osireia, Lulie, Jiwa, Yoyoyowassup, creepyLotRfangirl55, Pipkin in the Grass, snarryaddict123, Beloved Daughter, Mellon, , Squirethedire, Vinyl Scratch3, Oirasse, AW, Reader, Meshalok, Sharnorasian Empire, Zoe, Quatzol, Lordban, titan616, Mai Kusakabe, Minno.
And then of course there are the anonymous reviews, of which there is one (Guest, you know I'm talking about you) who hasn't missed reviewing a single chapter, and whose funny reviews are ultra recognizable even without a name atop them. Know that I love you! 3
I love you all! You have supported me, inspired me, made me laugh, encouraged me to study for my exams, and on the whole you have been absolutely the best part of this whole experience for me. I thank you for that from the depth of my heart. Thank you for reading, and thank you for letting me know your thoughts. I would thank you all personally but then this chapter would be the size of the whole story...
I am also thanking the people from the Land of Shadow forum for their comprehensive Black Speech lessons and extensive vocabulary list. Black Speech is awesome! :D Also kudos to Sulriel from OpenScrolls for giving me advice on where to put the translations.
I have read more than 18 Books just to write this story, consulted a multitude of websites, asked for feedback from people who know much more than I, and often rewritten a chapter five times. I hope you enjoyed it all as much as I did ;)
PLEASE REVIEW!
Lurkers, this is the time to tell me that you exist! (Kudos to Minno for that, by the way...) I want to know what you think! And to all others, your reviews are loved as always. You and your feedback are what makes being a writer of fanfics worthwhile! And any questions you may have (or requests for oneshots, yes I AM TAKING REQUESTS NOW) will be answered to my best ability!