Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine, as are Duke and McCallister. This chapter reached random level 8, I believe. Enjoy!
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073 – Babysitting
When the sound of a baby's crying reached Leon's office, both Leon and Tifa looked at each other with the same expression that said: did you hear that too? They both stood and walked to the hallway, peering through the door toward the lobby office at the end of the hall.
"McCallister?" Leon barked first, going down the hall.
Curious, Tifa followed as the baby's crying continued.
Private McCallister was working at her desk, but the baby carrier and the infant having a fit inside it were definitely out of place. The soldier looked up with impossibly wide and panic-stricken eyes at having been found out. Her eyes darted from Leon, to Tifa, and back to Leon.
"McCallister, what is this?" Leon said, pointing to the child in the carrier.
"A…a baby, sir."
"And does this look like a daycare?" He said, gesturing to the office around them.
Tifa bent down slightly, making a face at the child to try and make the baby boy laugh. This did not work as the infant only hollered more intensely.
"No, sir, but I thought—" McCallister seemed to hesitate, "—I mean, sir…you allow Duke—"
"She doesn't scream like this." He grimaced as Tifa took the baby out of the carrier, holding him and bouncing him up and down…again, this did not help.
McCallister looked flustered, "But, sir…His mother is my friend and she had an emergency…No babysitters were available…I was her last hope…"
Tifa frowned, having no luck with the baby, and made to offer him to Leon. Leon stealthily slid a few steps away and Tifa sighed, hugging the baby close again and attempting to placate him.
"Well…why do you...get to allow a dog but I can't…babysit here?" McCallister looked like she was fighting for every word against her internal turmoil at talking back to her superior.
"Because I'm me and you're you." Leon said, looking more annoyed than actively irritated.
The office quieted. All of them looked to the baby, who was momentarily quiet and then began to cry again. Leon and Tifa exchanged a look and then he turned back to McCallister.
"If you can't calm him down and keep him quiet—"
The baby stopped crying again and again they all looked at him. And again, he resumed crying.
Leon rolled his eyes, "If you can't, then you'll have to—"
Quiet. Look. Crying again.
"I think…it's you." Tifa mused aloud, looking from the baby to Leon. "Say something." She said as the baby started crying again.
"What?" Leon blinked, "No, just…McCallister, this isn't—"
As soon as he started talking, the baby stopped crying.
"He likes you!" Tifa chirped, too amused at the situation. "Do it again."
"What?" Leon's face was priceless.
"Keep talking. He won't cry if you're talking." Tifa held the baby out.
"No!" Leon turned and marched out of the office.
Tifa and McCallister exchanged looks and then both walked after him, baby in tow.
"Just say something! Read the phone book! Recite a poem!"
"No!"
"Oh come on!"
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074 – Dangle
"Looks like you have a problem." Leon sounded smug, looking down at her from the top of the cliff.
Hanging on a rope twenty feet below the top of the cliff, Tifa was as far from the mood for this kind of contemptuous banter as humanly possible.
"Are you going to help me or not?" She snapped.
"And you call me grumpy." He stood, looking in mock-deep thought. "How to go about this…"
"I am HANGING off a CLIFF!" Tifa yelled. "Just help me!"
"Have you tried climbing?"
"Leon, I swear to GOD I am going to KILL you!"
"That's no way to talk to your rescuer."
"Rescu—I don't NEED your help! It's just…rude of you not to help—"
"You mean like a damsel in distress thing?"
"You did NOT just call me a dam—"
"All right, all right." He said, kneeling down and gripping the rope. As though on second thought, he stopped and looked down at her again. "So what exactly does that make you?"
He was just TRYING to be difficult now, and Tifa did not appreciate.
"Oh, if you don't shut up and help me this instant, I'm telling everybody that you have a tiny penis!" She yelled.
He blinked, "And why would they believe you?"
"You carry a sword that is a gun that is over five feet long! What the Hell do you want a sword that big for unless you're compensating?" She snarled.
He looked like he'd been slapped. "It's still a lie—"
"Oh my god, Leon, I don't care about your penis, just get me off this damn cliff!"
He gave her a look of sheer loathing and started pulling the rope, grumbling something about her being an uncivilized, inappropriate monkey.
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075 - Clique
Tifa walked into the apartment and unceremoniously tossed her keys onto the table, letting out a frustrated huff. Leon had the gunblade in five different pieces on the coffee table and looked up when she walked in.
"What's wrong?" He asked, accurately reading her 'I need to slap somebody' face.
She made a low whining noise and slumped into the recliner. "Is something wrong with me?"
Oh crap. She was in THAT mood. Leon set down the piece he'd been cleaning and straightened.
"No." He answered quickly. "What makes you say that?"
Tifa was staring at the corner of the table, pondering her thoughts, and then looked to him. "Do I just deter people or something? Do I smell? Am I revolting?"
"Hardly." The corner of his mouth quirked.
She glanced over the dismantled gunblade. "Today I had to spend four floors' worth of an elevator ride with this group of women, chattering and gossiping and venting at each other. It was extremely annoying, but…I kind of…envied them."
"Why?" Leon lifted an eyebrow.
"I've never…had a group, a clique, or 'girlfriends' like that." She sighed. "I took martial arts. I ran a bar for a few years…not exactly amiga-material."
"So…are you upset about this or how am I supposed to be helping here?"
"I just…find a little odd that the closest thing I have to a group of girlfriends is you." She looked at him flatly.
Leon just stared at her. She groaned and covered her eyes with one arm. "What is wrong with me?" She said, voice muffled by her arm.
He ran a hand over his face and got back to cleaning the gunblade. "You're strange."