I never told you that I loved you. That was my biggest mistake. I never told you that I see you. I see you even when I'm not awake. I never told you that I hear you. Even when you're not even near. I never told you that I hate you. It was something you could already feel. I never told you how much you disappointed me. Every time you turned around. I never told you because we had so much time. And then it came too soon. I never told you because I was afraid. Never would I have thought you were too. I never told you why I stayed. But then again, neither did you. I never told you why I cry. But you already knew. I never told you that my heart broke. But it wasn't why you cared. I never told you why I lied. Nothing would ever change. I never told you that you were my life. Something I treasured above all others. I never told you that I loved you.

A/N:This is long folks.

A love that consumes so fully never leaves a moment unscathed. Every memory is tainted with the hindsight of 20-20. Every touch still burns as if freshly created in the throes of the highest pinnacle of happiness. Every word echoes in truth and anger at what is lost forever. Every day moves without momentum, carelessly falling into the mouth of resentment and hurt.

"Would you stop pushing all those buttons?"

"What if me pushing all these buttons gets us out of here?"

"House, you've pushed every button at least once. I mean, the technician will fix the problem and we'll be out of here in about 20 minutes."

He sighs loudly before pushing the 3rd floor button once again just to annoy her from where she stands in the small corner. Letting his cane rest beside him, he sits down carefully and pulls his backpack into his lap.

"Don't pout."

"I'm not pouting."

"Yes, you are," she smiles. It feels like a lifetime since she's seen him pout like a five year old. Dare she say she's enjoying this brief solitude with him? No, she doesn't.

Is there something he should say? No, he doesn't think so. Is there anything he can do? No, he doesn't want to. He stares at the screen on his small gameboy, wondering briefly if she'll break down and sit beside him. He doesn't need her comfort however, even though he wants it. Isn't she the one who decided that between them?

"You might as well sit down, Cameron. If I have to listen to your sigh one more time, I'm going to have your blood on my cane."

There's a pause, a small, imperceptible break, a hesitation that no one but them notice. Because it's been one month without being so close to him, she thinks it's time to face her fear. He is after all, the big bad monster of her dreams and nightmares, or is that backwards? Is she the monster?

Another five minutes pass and he hands her the gameboy. Even as her brow raises in question, her mouth doesn't move. She accepts his touch, his game, his moment of doing something she doesn't expect. Her smile as she passes stage one makes him realize how much he hasn't changed.

"Here, I died." She hands it to him, not wanting to acknowledge that she's so close to asking him to let her back in, knowing she's the one that had ruined it to begin with. So, she settles with watching his hands deftly maneuver across the small buttons and the slight frown as he concentrates.

"I'm on a Fentanyl patch…and taking Dilaudid. I only take the vicodin in the morning and night…maybe in the afternoon if it's a bad day. Damn, your turn."

He hands it to her, his fingers brushing her gentle one and she can barely think to grasp it before it almost falls from her hand. She can feel her breath even out and as she looks up at him, she wonders why. Why did he tell her? Why did he do it? Why? But her mouth won't allow her to speak. The elevator won't let her think clearly.

"What? House…."

There's no way he can look at her and so he focuses on the small panel filled with lit buttons that aren't taking them anywhere. He's been waiting to tell her until he's sure he can manage the pain, and so far, he has. Was it for her? He doesn't know. Was it for him? It could be. Was it for them? Of course it was, but he won't let her know until he knows where she stands.

"I am a doctor and know what the prolonged effects of my loving vicodin would have. Decided to kick the habit to the curb, you know, so I'd live longer. Play, it's your turn and I'm ready for you to die."

"Why?"

The single word, the single question drifts from her lips so slowly that she almost imagines she can see it waft from her mouth into the empty elevator space. She watches as something passes over his face as he finally turns his face to look at her.

"I…I'm not going to dance around this. We were together for over a year and we were doing fine. I was managing, you were managing, and then you had to go and change it all. You didn't understand what it was like and you still don't. You think you do, and I wish you'd stop that, but you're the only one…you're the only one who's cared this whole time."

"What does that mean?" she asks just a little breathy.

"It means that I've changed…in this aspect but not for you. For me. I like living."

"Since when?"

"Since I saw Pamela's-."

"Okay," she laughs. "Stop right there."

She taps the game with a finger slowly, wondering what exactly he wants from her. It can't be much she knows.

"House," she sighs slowly, trying to capture her words. "I'm not…you needed to quit taking so much vicodin. I'm not sorry that I took it away from you…or that I gave it back." This time, it's her who can't look at him. "But I'm glad you've tried something else. That's good."

This is where it ends. This is where he puts it all behind him because she's the one who walked away from him, but he doesn't. Instead, as her head subtly falls and her dark hair slips from behind her hair, he leans forward and catches that one lock. Her head turns toward him, that look of confusion and wonder dancing across her features. Sometimes, he doesn't even know what he's doing. Like now. Now, he just wants her. Even after everything, he just wants her. That was something new.

"There's something I never…I never told you," he manages, mere inches from her. He can smell her light perfume mixed mostly with her soap and conditioner. He can feel the warmth of her body in all the right places lining up with his. He doesn't need anybody, that's the truth, and it's something that will always keep part of him from her, but it's not everything.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stay," she whispers. "I walked away from you because I'm not strong enough, not even for you." She wants to reach for his face, but she can't break what's building between them. This is it. This is where it ends, and she wants no part of it.

Is this why he's been hating her so much? He thought it was, but staring at her now, so close to her expressive eyes, he's not so sure. Pushing people away is what he's good at, not her. But she had pushed him away before he could do it to her. She'd beat him to the punch. Isn't that why he's bitter? But where did she learn it? Probably from him, or maybe it was lying within her all along and he was its escape.

"Cameron-."

The loud ding of the elevator reverberates through their bodies as each looks to the doors and sigh as the elevator begins to move with a jolt, reminding them that where they are, isn't with each other. They're always moving, one floor at a time, never stopping on the same one, barely missing each other.

The doors open on the 2nd floor and he's the first to let go of her hair and grab his backpack. He stands and realizes she's holding the game in an outstretched arm. Her face, almost broken just moments before, takes on the look of a woman who has placed her priorities in a flash. She is at work. She is his employee. She is…not his lover anymore.

As the doors begin to close again, he reaches his cane out and they spring back. The gameboy in one hand, he doesn't deny himself one last action that he's sure he shouldn't do. Without thinking of stopping himself, he steps forward to her, waiting until he can hear the sharp intake of breath and feel her chest start to rise against his. This is it, right? Then let it end the way he wants it to, with a kiss.

She can't remember the last time he'd kissed her like this, maybe never, maybe two months ago. It doesn't matter. His lips crush hers, demanding more of her than she thought she'd ever want to give. Her lips answer to his by adding more pressure because she wishes she could take it all back, but not knowing if she would if it were possible. She can't breathe. She can't think. She can't stop.

He breaks from her, his breath quicker than he thought it would be. He can see the confusion on her face, the fear that mirrors his own, the wish that hides because she doesn't want him to see it, but he does. It's almost more than he can take, reinforcing the fact that he still feels something for her even though he should let her live without him and he shouldn't care.

"H-House?"

There's nothing he can say. He can't explain it and he doesn't want to. In that split instant, he makes up his mind. He's been closed off to everyone for so long, and she's been the only one besides Wilson who's tried to touch him. So what if she hurt him? He did hurt her. So what if she left him? He'd never even been all the way there with her. So what if they had ended it? That didn't mean it was over between them.

"Move in with me, this evening." He waits for her answer, unsure if he's done the right thing. He wants her and this is the only way he can think of getting her. If she rejects him, then he'll know. If she doesn't…. But she doesn't say anything. Her jaw drops but that's it for the longest ten seconds of his life.

"Do you- do you really want me to?"

"I asked didn't I?"

The doors threaten to close again and he uses his cane to halt them even as two people stand waiting for him to get out of the way.

She knows there are questions she should ask, but he's just asked her a question that means everything. He's put aside his bitterness and gotten over his fear of being with someone. And he wants her. He wants her. He hasn't said it, but a year with him has taught her to catch the slight subtleness of who he is. This is big. Huge. And it's time to quit being stupid. It's time for them both being afraid, to end.

"Okay."

A/N: So I hope you guys read this super long chap. Sorry for the length but I just had to cram it all here for some reason. And I know it's been awhile. I just wasn't sure how to get over the hump of writer's block...and study for last finals tomorrow, er, actually today. But there's what, 2 more? 3 more? chaps. Well at least it's finally getting done! lol. anyways, again, apologies for taking so long and using such a cliche of the elevator, but, eh. Thanks guys.