Chapter 25 - Fears
So there it is. Shock. Confusion. Shock and finally a slow glowing blush. Sachiko watched Yumi's face with great interest seeing all of these things there clearly. Well at least she didn't out right decline. Wait...what am I thinking? Thoughts of the last time they had spent the night together flashed through her mind causing her pulse to race and color to rise in her own cheeks. I'm starting to think like Sei-sama! Why am I getting embarrassed? Nothing happened that time either!
Onee-sama and I are going to share a bed?
Sachiko turned from her little sister to look at the Sawamura couple with a warm sympathetic smile. "I'm sure we'll be able to manage for the six days that we'll be here," she assured them to their obvious relief.
Onee-sama and I are going to share a bed.
"I think I'll go lay down for a while as I'm tired from the drive here," Sachiko offered seeing that the driver had unloaded their luggage already, setting it by the front door. "Matsui-san will you be staying this time?" she inquired of the driver.
Onee-sama and I are going to share a bed!
"No, Ma'am," he replied. "Ogasawara-shachō requires the car for tonight so I'll be heading directly back. I shall return in six days' time." he said with a bow.
"Very well then," Sachiko said. "Have a safe trip. Yumi, are you coming," the older girl asked as she headed to the front door.
Hearing her Onee-sama speak her name suddenly snapped the stunned girl back to her senses. "Hai!" she replied moving to follow the swaying long raven hair into the house stopping to pick up her bag as well as her Onee-sama's. Yumi followed the girl before her up the stairs and to the second bedroom.
"Yumi," Sachiko said in a quiet voice, "I didn't ask you if it was alright if we shared a room. If it makes you uncomfortable I can sleep on the couch downstairs?" Sachiko paused to open the door to the room, suddenly not having the nerve to look at her Petite Sœur. Yumi entered the room stepping past her older sister and set their suitcases down with a thud. "Yumi! I could have carried my own suitcase," she said looking to the younger girl and suddenly realizing that Yumi was blushing profusely. "Arigato, Yumi." Sachiko added quickly marveling at the deep shade of red the other girl had on her face.
"Onee-sama," Yumi said turning away from the beautiful girl with deep blue eyes as she felt her cheeks start to burn which was a sure sign that she was blushing. If I don't face her she can't read what's on my face. "Why are you blushing?"
"Oh my!" Sachiko inhaled sharply, one hand rushing to her face where she could feel the warmth on her cheeks. "I…," she paused for a moment. "I've never slept with anyone before," she finally said in an embarrassed rush.
"You did with me, Onee-sama," Yumi suddenly said. "The weekend I got sick at your house."
Sachiko nearly gasped and it suddenly felt like her face was going to burst into flames. She knows!
"You and Touko both slept next to me that day," Yumi continued with. "If it wasn't for the two of you I don't know what I would have done." This time it was Yumi's turn to pause for a moment. "I still don't recall everything that happened that night," she admitted. "One of these days you'll have to let me know just what exactly did happen."
"I see," Sachiko said taking the time to regain her composure. "What I meant is that I've never shared my bed with just one person before," was her reply as she neatly stepped around Yumi's questions about 'that' night. Sachiko walked over to the bed and sat down on it in an attempt to get a better view of Yumi's face and what was on it. "You still haven't answered my question Yumi. Should I sleep on the couch tonight?"
Yumi squirmed a little shifting her stance to move her back towards her Onee-sama. Please! Oh Please! She chanted in her head silently with her eyes scrunched closed tightly that it almost looked like she was in pain. "I…I don't mind," Yumi finally said in what she hoped was an even tone of voice. Please don't let her sleep on the couch!
"So it wouldn't keep you from sleeping then?" Sachiko asked knowing that at times she herself had trouble sleeping and so she would sit up at night reading. Being the caring Onee-sama that she was, she was fearful that the light would keep the younger girl awake. I doubt I'll be getting any sleep tonight she sighed in her mind. Not with her so close to me…in my bed…looking so cute...close enough to…touch. Stop it! She scolded herself for thinking such inappropriate thoughts about her little sister. She's just a little girl, not even grown up yet she reminded herself as her eyes traveled to the girl in question standing there with her back towards her. Okay, so maybe not that little she admitted noting the developing curves before she could stop herself. I've been hanging around Sei-sama too much she thought with disgust, forcing her eyes to look away from the other girl.
"I'll be fine Onee-sama," Yumi said suddenly turning around with a dazzling smile on her face. "You get some rest now and I'll come get you when dinner is ready." She offered moving towards the door.
"Yumi," her Onee-sama's voice stopped her with her hand on the doorknob," what will you do while I'm resting?" Sachiko asked recalling last time they were here.
Yumi looked to the bed and had to swallow heavily once before she could speak as the thought of tonight momentarily overwhelmed her. "I remembered to bring a book this time," she replied opening the door.
"Then shouldn't you get it from your suitcase," Sachiko said turning and reclining on the bed. Blushing slightly Yumi went and did just that before leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind her.
For several minutes she stood there leaning against the closed door with her heart beating furiously in her chest. I should just tell her how I feel. What's the worst that can happen? Turning in place she laid her forehead against the closed door. Onee-sama loves me so even if it is not in 'that' way, would she reject me? There was the unanswerable question in her mind that she had wrestled with since coming to the realization that she never wanted to be separated from the girl in the room behind the door.
As soon as the door closed Sachiko sat up in bed and crossed to it pausing just short of touching it. Why is it that when she's here all I want to do is touch her? To feel the warmth of her cheek against my finger tips or to inhale the scent of violets that always seems to linger around her? Sachiko inhaled deeply and could clearly smell the rich intoxicating scent left by the departing girl. I…I don't ever want to be parted from her she suddenly realized as she took the last step forward and rested her forehead gently against the closed door. I must be a horrible Onee-sama for wanting her like 'that', she thought to herself.
Onee-sama what should I do? Yumi thought to herself standing outside the door. I don't want to lose you echoed inside her mind as she saw the future for them and their growing apart due to different schedules and demands on their time. Yumi raised her right hand and laid it on the door as if she could reach through it and touch the woman within. Can I risk telling you…"
Yumi, why do you have this effect on me? Why can't I control myself whenever I'm near you? There was the question that scared her more than anything else and the one that kept her silent, frozen in place unable to decide what to do. Gently she raised her left hand and laid it on the door as if she could hold onto the girl who had just departed. I know how I feel but…can I risk telling you…"
"…Sachiko?" Yumi said softly.
"…Yumi?" Sachiko said gently
WHAT? both girls thought at the same time believing they had each heard the other's voice. Sachiko stepped back from the door, her heart racing in her chest. Yumi would never call me by my name! I must be hearing things! With a visibly trembling hand she reached out and slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door to an empty hallway. With a disheartened sigh she closed the door once more and returned to the bed suddenly feeling very drained. As expected, once she fell asleep her dreams were about a certain girl with brown eyes and ribbons in her hair.
Yumi stood at the bottom of the stairs as cold chills went down her spine. Why was Onee-sama out of bed and why was she saying my name? There was no mistaking the sound of the bedroom door opening and then closing again so she knew she wasn't dreaming when she heard her name from the other side of the door. Suddenly it was far warmer indoors than she could handle. Seeing her hiking boots on the floor she quickly sat down and started putting them on.
"Going out Yumi-sama," Kiyo asked entering the hall connecting the kitchen area to the front of the house.
"Yes," Yumi replied over her shoulder. "I thought I might go for a walk while Onee-sama is sleeping." Once her boots were laced up and tied she stood only to find the older lady waiting for her with her coat and umbrella in hand. "Arigato," she said taking the jacket and slipping it on.
"Please be careful out there Yumi-sama. It's still early in the year so it gets dark quickly out here." Kiyo advised. "Once the sun goes down it will get very cold as well."
"I'll be careful," Yumi promised opening the door and stepping out onto the covered porch. "I should be back in time for dinner. Please look after my Onee-sama till my return." Kiyo smiled and closed the door behind her after assuring her that she would. Without further thought Yumi turned and walked off towards the edge of the woods and a clearly marked path she saw there.
Maybe some fresh air and time alone will allow me to gather my thoughts. The trees were just starting to show signs of life again as winter had only recently given way to spring. Yumi smiled as she looked around her walking down the path between the trees. She had always enjoyed the outdoors even as a child. She fondly remembered going camping with Yuuki and her parents when she was still very young. A puzzled frown crossed her face as she wondered what brought that memory up. Nights spent sitting around a camp fire, the flickering flames dancing before her eyes with a blanket of stars in the sky. A warm smile touched her face as she wondered how it would be to share that with her Onee-sama. The smile was quickly followed by a grin at the thought of the prim and proper Ogasawara Sachiko doing something as ordinary as going camping. "Like that will ever happen," she said to herself with a chuckle as she continued along the path, deeper into the forest.
"What am I going to do?" Once more Yumi tried to wrestle with the problem at hand. If I tell her and she rejects me, what then? She couldn't decide what would then happen. Was it possible that the older girl would be willing to throw away all they had been through over the last eighteen months because of that? Yumi walked along the path, not paying much attention to where she was going as she struggled with these thoughts and more. Suddenly Yumi stopped as a thought struck her. "I'm in love with a girl." As she mauled that thought over she resumed walking. While it was shocking, she found that the concept itself didn't really bother her. She had once told Shimako that a person didn't have control over who they fell in love with and she believed it. This brought up the question though if it was alright to love just anyone. Onee-sama isn't 'just' anyone though she thought forcibly to herself. The more she thought the further from an answer she got. I may not know what to do, but I do know that loving Onee-sama is not wrong!
She had been walking for some time when she realized that the sun was starting to set and that the temperature was beginning to drop as well. With a resigned sigh she turned around only to realize that at some point she had wandered off the path. When I left the sun was before me she remembered, so if I walk with the sun behind me I should be able to find my way back she reasoned.
-oOo-
Sachiko awoke with a start, her heart hammering in her chest, alone within the darkened room. Yumi! She had been dreaming of the two of them window shopping. As they walked along from store front to store front they had become separated. Sachiko had tried to reach Yumi who was smiling at her affectionately but try as she might the crowd grew thicker and thicker preventing her from doing so. The other girl was forced further and further away till she was out of sight. Sachiko fought her way free of the crowd finally but her Petite Sœur was nowhere to be seen.
It's just a dream she said to herself as she swung her feet over the side of the bed and stood. I'll go downstairs and she'll be there reading her book just as she said she would. Sachiko nodded reassuringly to herself as she crossed the room to the door and upon opening it stepped into the hallway and then made her way downstairs. A quick glance showed her that the living room was empty.
"Sachiko-sama," suddenly said a surprised voice behind her, though not the one she had hoped for. Turning she smiled at Kiyo who was wiping her hands on her apron. "I was just going to come and wake you up for dinner."
"Thank you," Sachiko said. "Has Yumi been waiting long for me?" she asked relieved till she saw the older lady avoid her eyes.
"Yumi-sama went out for a walk some time ago and hasn't returned yet," Kiyo informed her.
"Where did she go," Sachiko demanded anxiously already turning to find her shoes to go after the missing girl.
"She went into the woods," Kiyo said. "I've already asked Gensuke to go and look for her. It would be better if we wait for them here," she said seeing Sachiko putting on her shoes. "It's already dark out and it wouldn't due to have you getting lost in the woods as well. If Yumi-sama comes back then she will be worried about you."
Sachiko stopped with her hand on the doorknob realizing that Kiyo's words were true. "I can't just sit here and do nothing," she whispered as tears weld up in her eyes. "She could be lost and scared out there!"
Kiyo laid a comforting hand on the younger girls shoulder feeling that perhaps this once it was alright to be so forward. "Then all we can do is make certain that she has a nice warm and well lite home to come back to and a warm meal waiting for her." Seeing the lady of the house torn between doing what her heart wanted her to do and what she knew to be the right thing to do she said, "Yumi-sama will probably be cold when she gets here so maybe a nice warm bath would be good for her before dinner."
"Yes," Sachiko mumbled softly. "That will help warm her up." She said releasing the doorknob reluctantly.
"Why don't you go upstairs and make her a bath and I'll see that dinner is kept warm." Kiyo suggested. "When the bath is ready why don't you come to the kitchen and help me make some tea for her?" Sachiko nodded numbly and went upstairs and drew a bath for the missing girl and then came back downstairs.
Moments became minutes and minutes turned into hours. After a while Gensuke returned alone at which point the local authorities were called. In a short amount of time the drive way outside of the Ogasawara summer house had all three of the Regional Police Bureaus cars there as well as several others belonging to volunteers as search parties were organized.
"I don't care who you have to call or wake up or pull away from their dinners!" Sachiko's voice rang loudly through the house as she spoke to the Officer from the local substation. "I want as many people as you can get out here and I want them here twenty minutes ago!" she demanded in a very irate tone of voice that left no room for argument!
Oh geez! Yumi thought as she heard her Onee-sama all the way outside as she was walking up the drive past all the cars. Bracing herself for what she was sure would be the harshest scolding of her life she squared her shoulders, opened the front door and said, "I'm home!"
For a moment there was utter silence in the entire house. Then those that had been gathered in the living room made their way out towards the front entrance way but she didn't pay them any attention as her eyes were frozen on her Onee-sama's face which looked like it had seen a ghost it was so white. The older girl stood there, one hand drawn up to cover her mouth, where her lips were slightly parted as if to say 'oh". More than anything though it was those blue wondrous eyes that held her attention as she watched it was like someone had suddenly given her Onee-sama a reason to live again.
Sachiko dropped her hand to her side. "So, you're home I see. Well that's good." Was all she said before she turned away and went back into the living room but not before Yumi saw a tear slide down across her alabaster cheek.
"I'm sorry for having worried everyone," Yumi said to those gathered as she bowed profusely. "I went for a walk and got lost and when I finally found my way out I was many miles away from here." She explained. After the Officer made certain she was alright other than being cold, tired and hungry, he along with the others filed out of the house instructing her to be more careful next time. When Yumi returned to the living room her Onee-sama was not there. With a heavy sigh the disheartened girl walked to the stairs and was just about to go up them when Kiyo came out of the kitchen.
"Yumi-sama," she called stopping the girl and then took her coat from her so it could be cleaned. "Sachiko-sama went upstairs to draw you a bath." She informed her. "I'll bring you up some dinner in a little bit once you're done bathing."
Yumi thanked Kiyo and then continued up the stairs. It seemed that every step was heavier than the next and harder to take. I made Onee-sama worry and even cry she berated herself. Baka! While it warmed her heart to know that her Onee-sama cared for her enough to have called the local authorities she also felt bad for having put her through that as well as all the people that came to search for her. I always make a mess of things whenever I go places with Onee-sama she thought to herself recalling the formal dinner party and how that ended.
With a trembling hand Yumi opened the door to the room they were sharing and in the dim light of the single lamp she could just make out her Onee-sama siting on the edge of the bed. Stepping into the room she closed the door behind her softly and then crossed the room till she stood before the other girl. "Onee-sama," she began while hanging her head unable to look at the other girl. "I'm sorry to have worried you and caused this mess. It seems that no matter where I go with you I am always embarrassing you." Yumi's voice quivered as she felt her own tears slide down her cheeks. "I think you might be better not taking me any place for a while." She said bowing. No words came from the bed and after a minute or two, though it seemed like an eternity, Yumi straightened up and turned to go to the bathroom and the waiting bath. Onee-sama is so mad at me she won't even speak to me.
Yumi had only taken a step when suddenly a heavy weight crashed into her back and arms the color of milk wrapped around her chest crushing her into an embrace so tight that it nearly forced the air from her lungs. Long raven hair cascaded down and across her shoulders in a protective blanket that smelled of flowers. "Don't you every…," began a voice so think with emotions that it was almost impossible to understand what was being said, "…scare me like that again!" Sachiko said into her Little Sister's ear as a heart wrenching sob escaped her lips and the tears she had been holding back broke free and fell onto Yumi's shoulder.
"Onee-sama!" Yumi exclaimed concerned for the girl that held her heart upon hearing her tone of voice. Sachiko's grip loosened just enough to allow Yumi to turn around and embrace the taller girl and then they both clung to each other as their bodies shook. "I'm so sorry Onee-sama!" Yumi repeated over and over.
"I was so scared Yumi!" Sachiko said through her tears into the shorter girls' ear in a sorrowful tone of voice. "I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you!" she admitted in a ragged voice still thick with emotions. Leaning back she gazed down at the smaller girl and smiled through her tears and held up one hand that visibly shook so the other could see it. "I can't seem to stop shaking," she said not sure why it was important to say that.
Yumi reached out and took the shaking hand in her own and drew it to her lips, kissing each finger gently. "It's alright Onee-sama, I'm right here with you now." she said through her own tears. "I was scared when I realized I was lost and my hands shook as well," she said laying her head on the chest before her and clasping the hand she was holding to her own chest as if it was the most precious thing in the world.
"I'm sorry I didn't find you, Yumi," Sachiko said closing her eyes laying her head against Yumi's as more tears slid down her cheeks.
Yumi smiled hearing her Onee-sama's voice rumble beneath her ear where it lay against the older girls chest. "But you did find me, Onee-sama," Yumi said. "When I was lost and I didn't know which way to go, I…" she paused as if looking for the correct word to use, "..felt you. I could feel you and I followed that and it led me to you! So you see," she said raising her head and looking into those water filled blue eyes before her, "you did find me and bring me home!"
Unsure of what to believe at this point and just certain that she was glad to have Yumi with her again Sachiko said nothing and just continued to hug the girl that meant everything to her to her chest till there was a polite knock at the door. They both let each other go as Sachiko stepped to the door and upon opening found a dinner tray resting on the floor. When she picked it up and turned back into the room Yumi wasn't there but the sound of splashing water told her that the other girl hadn't gone far.
Soon Yumi returned to the room dressed in her pajamas which Sachiko had set out in the bathroom for her ahead of time. Upon seeing the tray Yumi wasted no time in attacking it slowing down only when she noticed Sachiko intently regarding her. By the time she finished eating her eyes were drooping from the day's events, the exertion, the warm bath, the emotional release and finally the food itself. Yumi yawned and quickly tried to cover it. "Onee-sama, I think I'm ready for bed," she finally admitted.
Sachiko smiled and tucked her into bed drawing the covers up around the younger girls' shoulders. After setting the tray outside the door she went into the bathroom and changed into her pajamas as well and then slipped into the bed next to the other girl.
"Onee-sama I'm cold!" Yumi said in the cutest of sleepy voices
"Do you want me to get you another blanket," Sachiko asked turning to face the other girl who was laying with her back towards her.
"No, hold still," the sleepy girl said as she suddenly slid back towards the other side of the bed till her back was pressed up against Sachiko's front. Feeling around behind her head she found her Onee-sama's hand and then pulled till Sachiko's arm was resting under Yumi's head. Next she reached over her side and taking her Onee-sama's other arm she pulled it around her and clasped it to her chest so that the older girl was essentially holding her. "Much better. Arigato Onee-sama!" Yumi said in a sleepy tone of voice.
Too dazed to do anything till her Petite Sœurs was done arranging her to her liking Sachiko found herself smiling. We're spooning! Sachiko suddenly realized in shock and amazement. Never had she dreamed that she would be doing this with Yumi. Well…so there it is I guess. Sachiko, tired herself from the draining day did the only thing she could do, she laid her head on the pillow and snuggled in drawing the smaller girl in closer to her.
Yumi smiled dreamily. "Much better!" she mumbled feeling very contented at that moment.
"Yumi," Sachiko said to get the girl in her arms attention. "I want to tell you something and I would like for you to let me finish before you say anything alright?"
"Okay Onee-sama," Yumi agreed in a drowsy voice pulling the arm wrapped around her in possessively. "I'll just hold onto this in the meantime," she said with a little giggle.
"I don't know exactly where to begin," she opened with. Once she started it seemed like the words just flew from her lips. "I don't know how or why but on that day we met, that morning, something must have made me stop you and adjust your scarf and collar. I'm not one much to believe in fate but I would almost have to say it was. Back then if someone had said that I would be here, where I am now in eighteen months I think I would have called the authorities to have them committed," she said with a soft throaty chuckle. "After everything I've been through, the lessons, the upbringing and that engagement with Suguru-san, I had pretty much given up on such normal things as friendship, happiness and lo...love," she said stumbling over the word slightly. "That is until you came into my life. I never knew that I could be happy in life just being with someone! You've brought me so much happiness Yumi! That's why when I thought there was a chance that I might lose you today I got scared. I was scared not just at the thought of never seeing you again but also at the fact that if you were gone I would never have the chance to tell you…tell you what you mean to me. How I feel." Sachiko swallowed heavily. Too late to turn back now! "Yumi…I love you but more than that, I'm in love with you!" she finished with and then held her breath to see what the response would be. Silence was all she heard. Oh no! I shouldn't have said anything! All her fears came back in force as the silence that greeted her words stretched on. "Yumi? Please say something!" she begged in a desperate voice. The response when it came was a soft gentle snore from the sleeping girl in her arms.
Author's Note:
All praise and glory to the almighty Muse! There are times I feel humble to be so blessed with a creative one. I take no credit for this chapter as it completely changed from what I originally intended it to be…the change took place around the 2nd or 3rd sentence as I recall. The Muse had other plans I guess. Now remember, this is only day one of a six day vacation. Like you, I can't wait to see what the Muse has planned!
As always, though certainly not required, I do appreciate any and all reviews, comments and Private Messages.
Kind Regards,
EJ Daniels
All characters within this story, unless otherwise stated are the sole property of Oyuki Konno the original writer of the Maria-sama ga Miteru light novel series.