Before he's on his way to school, Scott texts Lydia and Stiles that he needs to talk to them. They both reply almost instantly, asking what's wrong, but Scott explains that he would like to take his time. Understanding as they are, they oblige and therefore don't ask anything until late afternoon, when they're at Scott's house.

"So what's up?" Stiles asks the moment they have sat down in the McCall's living room.

Lydia is sitting on the edge of the sofa, chin resting on her hand as her eyes flick from Stiles' to Scott's.

Scott swallows, feeling his throat closing up again when he realizes what he has to tell them. Yet, he reminds himself that he can trust his friends and that it's not just important for Liam to talk about things, but also for Scott.

But that doesn't mean he knows how to start.

"Liam tried to kill himself last night."

Then again, he's still Scott.

Stiles' and Lydia's jaw both drop an inch. Stiles starts stammering first bits of words, but they don't really make sense. Instead, Scott turns to Lydia and says, "Sorry, I didn't know how to say it."

"It's okay," Lydia says, holding up her hand. "I understand."

Stiles has fallen quiet and now has a tense look on his face.

Scott bites his lip, it suddenly dawning on him how hard this conversation is going to be.

"So…" Lydia clears her throat, frowning. "So what happened?"

For a second Scott doesn't even know where to start, but then he figures he might as well start there.

"I woke up from a phone call in the middle of the night, basically after I left you…" Scott nods at Stiles. "…It was Liam. He sounded really upset, was basically crying and said that his parents had found his suicide note."

Lydia covers her mouth with her hand.

"It wasn't a real one," Scott quickly explains. "I had told him the other day that it might be helpful to write things down, like, an apology to himself for example. Anything, really, as long as it made him feel better. Anyway, that's what his parents found. So…I don't know what exactly happened, but I can imagine they dragged Liam downstairs and forced him to talk to them. He did, and ended up telling them everything."

"But…that's a good thing, isn't it?" Stiles asks.

Scott shakes his head. "He has a history with his parents. The short version of it is that he did something bad last year and they were really disappointed with him. It really left a mark on their relationship, so he was really worried something like that might happen again. That's also the reason he was so weird about me meeting his parents, because he was scared something bad might come up. Something that he wasn't aware of."

"And then he had to tell them he's depressed…" Lydia mumbles, staring into space.

Scott sighs, nodding. "I think it just pushed him over the edge."

"So how did he…" Stiles swallows. "How did he try to…?"

"I didn't actually see it or anything," Scott answers. "But I found him at the lacrosse field at school and apparently he had hurt his ankle. I noticed the floodlights and kind of put it together. He had tried to climb up one of them and I think he wanted to…"

The lump in Scott's throat grows, starting to hurt him. Tears are stinging behind his eyes.

"I think he wanted to jump…"

Lydia wipes her eyes.

"He wanted to jump, but he couldn't get up there," Scott's voice is trembling and he rubs a hand from his nose to his mouth, sniffing. "He must have twisted his ankle by accident when he had tried to climb up." He inhales deeply, pulling himself together. "Anyway, I took him home and then my mom woke up and found out. She was mad that I hadn't let his parents know, but I just hadn't thought of it. She ended up calling Liam's dad instead and apparently they were just about to call the police. Liam stayed the night and this morning he went home to talk to his parents. We haven't really spoken about what has happened. I just…" He looks up at his friends, weakly rising his shoulders. "I just didn't know what to say."

"Well, I don't blame you. I wouldn't know what to say either," Stiles replies, eyes wide. He huffs out a deep breath. "Man, that's awful. I'm so sorry."

Scott shrugs again. "Me too… I'm glad Liam called, though. I mean…imagine what might have happened if he hadn't."

His friends nod, earnest looks on their faces.

A shiver creeps down Scott's spine, but he tries to focus on the sense of relief he's feeling as well. It might be awful to talk about, but in the end it's still good to talk about it. For a moment, his mind flashes to Liam, who has probably had an even worse experience. If this is already difficult for Scott, it must be horrifying for Liam.

"Have you heard from him today?" Stiles asks.

"Nothing."

"Do you want to hear from him?" Lydia wonders.

Stiles gives her a weird look. "Of course he wants to hear from him."

But Scott interrupts him by saying, "I don't know."

"Dude…"

"I don't know anything anymore. This was so…" Scott shakes his head. "Last night, when he was sat on my bed, I looked at him and I didn't even recognize him anymore. I mean, I know he's depressed and I can deal with that, but this… He had actually tried to kill himself. I could've had a call the next morning saying that he wasn't here any longer and then what? I was just going to have to deal with losing the person I'm in love with for a second time?"

Stiles' and Lydia's faces soften when Scott rubs his hands over his forehead, bottom lip trembling. They get up from the sofa and each sit down on the side of Scott's armchair. They wrap an arm around their friend and rub his back.

"It's okay to take a moment and let it all sink in, you know," Lydia reminds him. "This is an awful situation and you're allowed to feel bad about it."

"I know, but it's so much," Scott whimpers, tears falling from his eyes. "I care about him. I care about him so much, but now I don't know if I can still go through with this and it makes me feel terrible, because I don't want to let him go, but I also don't know what to do."

Stiles gives Lydia a helpless look, not really knowing what to say, but luckily she does.

"Do you think it will hurt less after you've broken up?" she asks. "If he commits suicide one day it's still going to hurt, whether you're in a relationship or not." Her words are ended with a quiet, "Trust me."

Scott scoffs bitterly at that, but he knows she's right. He's already in too deep, regardless if Liam's his boyfriend. He cares about him and that's final.

After he has caught his breath and has calmed down a little, he sits up.

"Alright," he says, "so what am I supposed to do?"

"What you've always done," Lydia answers, "talk."

Scott shakes his head, but chuckles. "I'm so sick of talking."

His friend smiles, squeezing his shoulder. "I know."

"Just text him," Stiles offers, "Meet him tomorrow or something. It's Saturday after all and there's no lacrosse match because of the frost."

"Yeah…" Scott says, nodding. He moves to get his phone out of his pocket.

He doesn't really know what to write at first, because he wants to acknowledge the fact that Liam has probably gone through hell this morning, but he also feels like it's not a conversation to have over text. So, in the end, he decides to go with something incredibly stupid and obvious.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The three of them are happily surprised when Liam's response doesn't take long.

"Tired, but okay, I guess."

Scott knows that means he feels awful, but not in a depressed way, which is fortunate, really, given the circumstances. He frowns when a second message pops up.

"I didn't know if I should text you today."

"You can always call or text me. I told you that," Scott sends back.

"I know, but last night was a little bit different."

The sarcastic subtlety of Liam's words confirm Scott's speculations that he's feeling like his 'normal' self again.

"Shall I come over tomorrow?" Scott asks.

"Yes, please."

The guy looks up at his friends, who both nod in approval. Scott smiles, because the look in their eyes tells him everything he needs to know:

It's going to be okay.

He arrives at Liam's house the follow morning, just before midday. There are two cars in the driveway, so Scott figures his boyfriend's parents are home. He can imagine they have taken the weekend off as well, given everything that has happened.

Scott rings the doorbell and is taken off guard when Dr. Dunbar opens up. The way he's looking at Scott makes him feel uncomfortable. He looks knowingly. All the secrets that have been there before were now in the open and there's no hiding from it. Scott doesn't really know what to say: if he should apologize for helping Liam out the other night or if he should re-introduce himself as his son's boyfriend. But neither sound like good ideas.

"Scott."

The guy nods. "Dr. Dunbar." He shifts his weight onto his other leg. If he had a knife, he could've literally cut the tension and offer Liam's dad a slice.

"I don't blame you for what happened, Scott," the man breaks the silence.

Scott swallows. "Thanks…" he replies, showing a crooked smile. "I, err…I'm sorry, though. I shouldn't have… I should have told you, maybe."

Dr. Dunbar sighs, lightly shaking his head. "You should have, but there isn't much we can do about that now." He steps aside, leaving his hand on the door handle.

Scott steps in with a bowed head, knowing that it's going to take a lot of time and effort before Liam's parents start viewing him in a better light. Something tells him Liam's dad might be a bit tougher on him because the wounds are still fresh, but then again, he's allowing Scott to come over, which indicates he probably doesn't think of him as a bad influence. Fortunately for Scott, he can safely say that's correct – he has done nothing wrong.

Not directly, anyway.

"Liam's in the kitchen," Dr. Dunbar says while Scott takes off his shoes. He disappears into the living room, and Scott turns a left.

Liam has his headphones in and Scott watches him fiddle with the coffee maker. For a second, he stares him silently. It seems like Liam's occupied with his thoughts and when Scott walks closer and takes out one of the earbuds, he can hear rock music playing.

He watches Liam's eyes lit up before his face falls. Scott shares the same sensation: his heart fluttering like a happy bird before it getting shot out of the sky. Their mild and sober greetings reflects their moods.

"I'm making you coffee," Liam offers, putting the damping mug on the counter. He stirs in four sugars before handing it to Scott.

"Will I need it?" the guy asks, feeling the warm steam rising against his chin.

Liam shrugs. "I can give you the short story if you'd like."

Scott huffs. "Never."

His boyfriend shows a little smile, and Scott offers to go upstairs.

"We're gonna have to stay in the kitchen," Liam replies, arms folded in front of his chest. "My parents don't want us to go upstairs."

Scott's stomach churns a little at that, but he also knows he can't really blame them. They would probably think of themselves as fools if they would let Liam out of their sight now. He's probably going to be under strict surveillance for the next couple of months.

So they sit down at the kitchen table after Liam has gotten himself a cup of tea. The silence between them is awkward again and that's when Scott realizes they haven't really greeted each other – not physically; no kiss, no hug, no nothing. Scott wonders if he'll ever get over the surprise of how much Liam's failed attempt has affected their relationship. It's almost like there's this invisible wall between them that they both can't penetrate. It's made of uncomfortableness and uncertainty and that's weird, because Scott's here, so Liam has nothing to worry about it. If Scott had wanted to break up with him, he would have done it by now. But if that were true, then that also meant Scott had nothing to worry about, because he would be sure that he didn't want to break up with Liam. And all of that is weird and doesn't make sense, because Scott still feels like he doesn't want to break up with Liam, so why is he feeling so incredibly awkward?

"I suppose I should just start…?" Liam says after a while, pulling Scott out of his train of thought. In the time that has passed his coffee has cooled down, enabling him to drink it in small sips.

He nods.

Liam takes a deep breath, averting his eyes towards the table. He has his hands folded around his cup. "Right before it all happened, I had gone into the study room to do homework," he starts telling, "but I couldn't really focus. I started thinking and thinking and in the end was overthinking again, so I remembered that I should distract myself. I figured I wanted to do some writing, so I went back to my room to get my notebook. Suddenly, my mom was there. She was holding it in her hands. Open. My heart dropped into my stomach when she turned to me and I saw the look on her face. I had never really seen her cry before… I told her that I could explain, but she took a step backwards, like she was scared of me. Like I had become this stranger that she didn't know."

Scott bites his lip, gaze falling downwards.

"She walked passed me and just went downstairs, didn't even say anything. It was weird. I didn't know what to think or do, so I just stood there. I kind of knew what this meant, but…somehow it didn't seem to sink in. A couple of minutes later, dad called me to come down. My heart was racing in my chest and I started to get these…thoughts. "Get out. Get out," they said. "Don't go. Leave." I was terrified, and as I descended the staircase the thoughts got worse and worse and I was so scared that I couldn't think straight so when I finally entered the living room I had convinced myself it all didn't matter anymore, because I was going to…"

Scott looks up at him.

"…Because I was going to kill myself later anyway," Liam whispered. He cleared his throat, moving on his chair. "I sat down on the sofa next to them and my mom was still crying, dad had his arm wrapped around her. "What's this?" he asked, holding up the book. I shrugged, because I really didn't know what to say. He continued interrogating me, asking me how I had hurt my arm so often over the past couple of weeks and why I had been acting so closed off. I didn't say anything, because he already knew the answer anyway. After all, it was all in that little notebook. Suddenly, I started to get more upset. I started to get angry, because I thought it was cruel of him to try and make me say it. After reading all that, he should know how hard it must be to talk about, especially with your parents. So…I continued to keep quiet, and he just kept on asking questions. I slipped into this haze, where I didn't really register what was going on. It was almost like his words just slid past me, like zeppelins floating through the sky. I had somehow switched off my mind and let him talk. Until…" Liam sighs, sniffing and wiping his nose. "…Until he asked me if I was happy." He sniffs again. "It was like…it was like his question broke something inside of me, because I'm not. I'm not happy, but how could I tell my own parents I wasn't? That I'd rather not be here, than be here? That I, almost every day, think about ending it all? I started crying and after that the questions were done. He and my mom tried to console me, and after a while I sobered up. I slipped back into the same state I had been in when I had entered the room – this emptiness. I think afterwards we were all drained, so dad offered for us to go to bed and that we would talk about it later."

"And that's when you ran away…" Scott mumbles.

Liam's breath hitches in his throat. "I couldn't sleep. The thoughts were just too much…" he says. "So…at some point I got up, quietly went downstairs and just left. I didn't know where to go, so I just started walking and the next thing I know it's an hour later and I'm at school."

"Why didn't you call me sooner…?"

"Because I couldn't," Liam chokes out. He inhales sharply, wiping his nose again. "I wanted to, but I couldn't, because every time I thought about calling you I started to feel so incredibly guilty. I didn't want to bother you, even though I know you don't think of me that way, but in that moment I just couldn't make myself realize that. Instead, I noticed the floodlights on the field and the next thing I remember is that I'm trying to leap against the pole, jump and try to reach for the first bar… I just… I didn't want to anymore. I didn't want to feel like this anymore and, finally, I was desperate enough to actually go through with it."

"But you couldn't reach."

Liam scoffs. "I couldn't reach. Twisted my ankle instead." He sits back in his chair a little. "And the rest you know."

Scott nods. But that's all he does: he nods. He wants to say he understands, but he doesn't feel like he can. He doesn't understand how someone can be so far down that they just forget about all the important people in their life that love them. He doesn't understand how the rain can fall down so hard on someone that they feel like there's nothing they can do but to just take it. He doesn't understand how someone's judgment can be so incredibly clouded that they can't think rationally anymore. He doesn't understand how someone can actually go off and try to kill themselves.

But he does understand that his misunderstanding does not matter. Because these are not his thoughts. This is not him. This is Liam, and Liam is depressed.

Liam has depression.

And for the first time ever, Scott finally understands what that means.