Authors Note: hey my lovelies! Can I first begin by saying thank you SO much to every single one of you who has left a review. Writing the disappearance has been the most difficult few chapters EVER, and to know that you guys are all reading and enjoying it still, means the world to me. I'm glad you guys are still interested and I'm so happy that you all took the time to read this story! To the person who asked me if I'm including all the season 5 emison scenes, absolutely you betcha ;) lol! Trust me, after this disappearance business is over, I will be going Into all that! I'm so glad you guys like Cece in this story, because the more I write her, the more I actually love her lol everyone needs a friend like Cece and I'm glad that alison has her. She needs her.
Now this chapter ended up being over 30,000 words long, which actually takes about three God damn hours to read. So I hope you guys don't mind, but I'm actually going to split Gone Girl Into three parts. I really didn't want to do it, but trust me, I read it back through myself and it's way too much to read in one go! I've literally been writing it non stop and it's almost done, so you'll get part three very soon after this chapter. I just wanted to post some of it now so that you guys didn't have to keep waiting for the update because I've still got to edit and finish the third part. It'll be posted very soon after this, though, so even though I've split it up, hopefully you guys don't mind. I really hope not! There's some jealous Ali in this part, and much, much more in part three. Then, we move on to the heavy stuff! I love you all and thank you for all your support. It means a lot to me.
The worst part about dying young, is that once you're gone, you don't age. It's nice to be remembered in a youthful way, sure, but that's it. You stay immortalised in the state you were in when you passed away. You don't get older, you don't grow up, and you cease to be anything more than what you were. You can't get more mature. People will always think of you as how you were when you died. And for Alison, this was extremely upsetting. She was now a year older, and although she had spent most of that time isolated, she still felt like she'd changed. The problem was, nobody would ever know it. Nobody could ever see the person she'd become. They would always remember the bitchy, nasty girl who made comments about people, and made a game out of everything. She made people's lives a living hell. Anybody who knew that girl, would never know of the personal hell Alison herself, had gone through. She was older, she was wiser, and she had learned to be less afraid. But there was still a long way to go.
Almost 14 months After Alison's Disappearance
Alison sat on top of her bed, in the spare room of Cece Drakes' apartment. She stared at the newspaper in front of her. It was a few months old, and the pages had already begun to wear down. She looked at her smiling face on the front page. Her face was rounded, her smile wide, and her skin was immaculately covered in makeup. I look so young. This picture was only taken a couple of years ago. They used my school picture. How funny. I look so happy. But I look so, so young. Ali read the headline. Mystery of missing girl solved. Body found in river. Ali sighed. I wonder which stranger is buried in my grave. That poor girl…I wonder what happened to her. I wonder if somebody hurt her…the way they hurt me? Ali reached up and absently touched the back of her head. The pain was gone, now, and the wound was old, but she could still feel the faint scar from where the glass had smashed into her skull. Every now and again, the area would pinch a little, and Ali wondered if there was still something in there…some tiny glass fragments perhaps, moving around under the skin. She felt underneath her hair, and ran her finger along the jagged indent of the scar. God…that was one hell of a hit. I'm lucky to be here. That poor girl in the river…she wasn't so lucky.
The bedroom door suddenly burst open, and Cece strode in, collapsing on the bed dramatically in front of Alison.
"Whatcha doing?" She asked cheerily. She noticed the paper in front of the blonde. Her eyes flickered up to Alison's face knowingly. "Nuh uh!" She shook her head, and squinted. "We are not going to obsess over this today. This is done, remember." She grabbed the newspaper and pulled it away from Alison as she tried to reach for it. Ali was too slow. "Let's just put this away, shall we!" She chided in a high pitched, sing-song voice.
Cece pinched the newspaper in between the tips of her index finger, and her thumb, holding it as if it were something disgusting that she didn't want to touch. She held it out in front of her body as she walked. Ali got up from the bed, and followed Cece into the hallway as she moved into the kitchen. She kicked at the button which opened the trash and dropped the newspaper inside, taking her foot off the button and watching the lid close. "Bye, bye Mr newspaper! We won't be reading you any more today!" Cece said in a childlike, sarcastic voice. She gave an impish wave at the lid of the closed trash can, and smiled innocently at Alison. Ali stood behind her with her arms folded.
"Little dramatic, don't you think?" Ali said dryly.
"Oh, honey. You have to stop looking at things like that. It's not going to help you." Cece answered. "Besides, it's old news. No point keeping it around."
"I was just…" Ali struggled to find the words. Cece gave her a knowing look, and Ali couldn't lie. She rolled her eyes in defeat. "Obsessing." She admitted truthfully.
"Yes. And what did we agree, Ali?" Cece asked, waiting for the blonde to answer.
Ali responded in the same way she always did, when Cece had to ask her this question. It was about the hundredth time she'd had to say it. "That we wouldn't obsess, over things that we can't control." She said wearily.
"Good." Cece said with a smile, and a happy shrug of her shoulders.
"I'm going out, Ali. Only downstairs to the store. I need to get us some stuff for dinner later. And someone ate all the noodles, again." She said, as she put on her bright red coat, and matching red boots.
"Sorry. My bad." Ali answered. She had been staying in the apartment for a year now, and hadn't paid for a single thing. There was no way she could touch her money, or her credit cards, because she second she did, everyone would see that she was alive. It was frustrating, not being able to contribute, but Cece hadn't ever mentioned it. Ali had a vast amount of money in savings, which she supposed had either gone to Jason, or back to her parents. She didn't know how it all worked, really, she just knew she couldn't access it. Cece had been amazing about it all, she knew that Ali would help her out if she could, but Alison still felt guilty all the same.
Cece moved to the door, and before she had the chance to slip out, Ali called after her.
"Cece…"
"Yeah?" Her friend answered.
"I will find a way to pay you back for all this. I will. I promise." Ali said sincerely.
Cece smiled, and shook her head. "Shut up." She said with a laugh. "You don't owe me anything. Just stop eating all the damn noodles!" She laughed again, and left the apartment.
Ali smiled as she closed the door, and looked down at her hands. She fidgeted with them for a few seconds, trying to stay still. She glanced back at the door. She's gone. Yep, just me here. Just me. She looked back at her hands, and then glanced around the room. I'm not going to move. I'm not going to read it. I'm going to sit here…and not obsess. She started drumming her fingers together, her fingertips touching quickly against each other as she tried to distract herself. Yep. Not obsessing today. Nice and sane today. Not going to do it. I'm not! She looked around the room once more, her eyes settling on her bedroom door. Well I suppose I could just…
Ali ran for her bedroom. She skittered across the kitchen, yanked open her door, and closed it tightly behind her. Her eyes darted around the room, and settled on her mattress. It was the most unoriginal place to hide something, and Ali didn't really need to hide it, as her and Cece were the only people in the apartment, but old habits die hard. She reached underneath it, and grabbed hold of the small envelope which lay nestled under the mattress. She scooted backwards on the bed, her legs crossed in front of her. Oops. I accidentally obsessed. She can yell at me later.
Alison opened the letter, and for what must have been the thousandth time, she started to read it.
When Cece had first given it to her, Ali had been in shock. It was the last thing that she had expected to be given, and it was the only thing left in the world that she wanted. Cece hadn't told her, but she had had the letter with her the entire time. Ali didn't even shout at her for lying. She was just grateful to finally be able to touch it. Cece hadn't told her, because she had wanted Alison to take a first step, and leave the apartment. Even though the plan had backfired horribly, and ended up with Ali not being able to even enter Rosewood, she had still kept to her word, and given her the letter. Cece had told Alison that when she searched her house, she couldn't find it, but that didn't mean she didn't know where it was.
Only the first part part had been a lie, she had found it. She had discovered it in a box of Alison's things, hidden in the far corner of the attic of her abandoned house. She hadn't been in Alison's room when she had seen the moving van approach the front drive, after all. She'd been up in the far reaches of the house, searching the boxes in the dusty room. She'd hidden the letter, and left it inside the glove compartment of her car. She'd always intended to give it to Alison that night, she just wanted to see how far the blonde would go to obtain it. Alison could see why she'd lied. Using the letter as leverage, was the only thing that had allowed Cece to finally help her. She knew that by offering it to Ali, she could get her to leave the apartment, finally, and start moving forward.
Ali had been so desperate at first to read what Emily had written, that she hadn't quite considered whether or not it was a good idea. She hadn't thought that reading it now, when there was absolutely nothing she could do about any of it, would matter. But it did. It just made everything worse. It only reiterated the things she had come to learn about herself over the last year. One, that she had been a horrible person, and two, that she had hurt Emily. And she had…badly. Alison didn't even need to read what she had written to know that. She could see it in the tear stains littering the pages. There were new tear stains there, now, from her own eyes. She had cried when she had first read it…she had crawled up on her bed, and sobbed quietly into her pillow as all the awful words churned around in her brain. She could see the gravity of what she'd done, and how badly injured Emily's heart had been.
Now...as she poured over the words again, as she had before so many times, the guilt...and the pain, still stabbed away at her chest. She knew the letter word for word by now, but that didn't stop it from hurting. The words still brought a dull ache to her heart. After three months of reading the same thing, she hoped that one day, when she read it again, the letters on the page might magically change. She hoped that eventually, maybe if she read it enough times, the words might rearrange themselves into sentences that didn't represent her in such an awful…and worse still, truthful, way. And it was true. It was all true. Ali knew that.
Alison's eyes were dull, and her expression sad, as she took in the words on the page.
"You're not afraid of hurting me, so I wonder why I'm so afraid of hurting you?"
"I feel like a satellite, orbiting the sun. You're my sun. You're like fire, Ali. When I touch you, my heart burns..."
"It's like it's all so hilarious to you. The way you act sometimes…it's like it's all just one big joke that you find so, so funny..."
"You acted like you couldn't care less. Did it mean nothing to you? It meant EVERYTHING to me. You pretty much just laughed in my face…"
"You know how I feel about you. So why would you do that to me?"
"It feels more like target practice…"
"How can you go from kissing me one minute…to acting like you hate me the next. And that's what it felt like, Ali. I felt like you hated what we did..."
"Kissing you was the best thing that's ever happened to me…"
"I may be a fool to have fallen for you…but, I love you..."
"I need to tell you. I need you to know. I love you so much. I'm in love with you, Ali…"
Alison's eyes focused on the last line of the letter, and she stared…for a long, long time. She sighed quietly to herself, and looked around the room, taking in the silence of the empty bedroom. Why can't I let this go? It's been so long…and she's probably healed, by now. She's probably forgotten all about all of this. I hope so. I hope she doesn't still feel this way. I hope she's happy. This letter is filled with so much pain. I don't want to be the cause of her pain, any more. The way she felt about me…she loved me more than any one else in this life would ever love me...has ever loved me…and I threw it back in her face. She will never know how deeply I regret hurting her. I hope she's healed. What would she think…if she could see me now? I'm hiding away like an injured animal. I'm weak. I'm not the person she once knew. What was it they used to say? I was always the brave one. I wasn't brave at all. I was a coward. I'll always be a coward. I'm hiding…even now.
Ali read through the letter again, running her fingertips along the lines of the words. She could feel the indents in the paper from where Emily had pressed the pen against it, hard. She was probably so angry at me when she wrote this. She had every right to be. I did use her as target practice, she's right. She's so, so right. I made her think that it was all just one sided…and she believed it. Oh, Em. Why couldn't you have just called me a liar, then and there? I wouldn't have fought you on it. I might have seemed intimidating to you, but if you'd called me out on it, I never would have had the strength to deny it. I would have crumbled, in the end. It took me every ounce of power I had just to say that it all meant nothing. If you'd pushed me…I would have fallen. I'd already fallen, for you. You just didn't know it. You'll never know it, now.
Ali felt hot tears start to form in her eyes. They dripped across her cheeks as she tried to wipe them away. God…I thought I couldn't cry any more over this…but it never gets any easier. It's never going to stop…
Ali heard a bang from the front door, and realised that Cece had returned with the food. She jumped a little at the noise. Shit! I need to hide is before she catches me with it, again. Fuck, and I'm crying. Fuck.
She scrambled across the bed, and tucked the letter as quickly as she could, back underneath the mattress. She only had time to smooth over the bed cover, before Cece burst into the room. The door banged against the wall as Cece stood just inside the doorway, scowling with her arms crossed.
Ali looked as guilty as sin. She knew she had been caught red handed. She tried to wipe her tears away, but she knew it was no use. She could tell that Cece knew she'd been crying, again.
Cece sighed. "Give it to me." She said sternly, holding her hand out.
"No!" Ali responded, moving to stand in front of her mattress.
"Alison. Give it to me, now. We discussed this. I thought we agreed?" Cece asked, her hand still outstretched.
"No! I don't want to!" Alison complained. She knew she'd lose the argument, though.
Cece had taken the letter from her at least ten times before. She didn't think it was healthy for Alison to keep reading it, over and over. In the weeks since she'd first got hold of it, Ali had barely let it out of her sight. She had poured over the words on the pages for hours and hours at a time. Cece had watched as she had cried at the kitchen table, at the windowsill, and late into the night. She hadn't been sleeping well over the last year as it was, but since getting the letter back, she had had even less sleep. Numerous times Cece had got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, and found Ali crying in the kitchen, sitting in the dark at the table, with the letter in front of her. At first, she left Ali alone to get over it by herself. She let her cry, and obsess, and allowed her to keep herself awake at night, if that was what she needed to do. But the more time went on, the more she realised that Alison wasn't doing herself any favours at all. She was just making things worse. Cece had stolen the letter one day, and hidden it. She hoped it would help Ali, but it didn't. Alison turned the entire apartment practically upside down looking for it, and after three hours of arguing and shouting, Cece had reluctantly given it back.
After that first incident, Ali did calm down, for a while. She didn't seem to be up at all hours of the night, any more. But Cece soon found out that instead of sitting and crying in the kitchen, she was just doing the same thing in her room. She could hear her through the wall. And so, Cece had taken the letter, and hidden it again. After the eleventh time of hiding it, and then giving it back, Cece had finally threatened to throw it away, if Ali didn't snap out of it. Alison had been furious, and had then hidden the letter herself. Cece had looked everywhere for it, but Ali was better at hiding things than her.
Ali thought that by hiding the letter in an obvious place — under her mattress, that Cece wouldn't even dream to look there. She knew that Cece thought of her as a cunning person, and wouldn't think that Ali would hide it in such a stupid place. Sure enough, Cece had searched everywhere, even inside the DVD player, but she hadn't thought to look under the bed. Eventually, after a month or so, the tears stopped. Cece knew she had the letter somewhere, and that she was still obsessing over it, but she allowed Alison to keep it. She thought that as time went on, she would eventually stop reading it, and would start getting over it. It had seemed to be working, and Ali did seem to be calming down, finally, but Cece wouldn't take any chances. She told Ali that if she kept obsessing over it, and if she caught her crying again, that she would have to take the letter away for good. Ali had accepted this, and Cece had let her deal with it on her own. As Cece stood in front of her with her arm outstretched, Ali knew the game was up. She'd lost.
"I know you don't want to, Ali." Cece said. "But it's for the best. Come on, you know it is. Please. Just give it to me. You can't keep doing this."
"You can't take it! It's my letter!" Ali retorted.
"And do you really think it's doing you any good? Look at you. You're crying again. This isn't moving on, Ali, this is wallowing in things you can't change. Why do you keep reading it…if it's going to do this to you every time?" Cece gestured towards Alison's red, watery eyes.
Ali sat down on the bed, defeated. She sighed. "Because…" She started. "Because it's all that I have left, okay!"
Cece furrowed her eyebrows in concern. "What do you mean…it's all you have left? Ali, you're still here. You're here now. That letter…it's over a year old. It doesn't matter any more. So much has happened since then…don't you think you need to start putting it behind you?"
Ali threw her arms up in defeat. They slapped wearily against her sides. "It's…it's just that…Cece…" She started. She threw the mattress up, and grabbed the letter, holding it delicately in her hands as she spoke. "This…is the last thing she thought of me before I left." She looked down at the letter, and her voice dropped to a quiet pitch. "This is what I left her with. The feelings in here…are all that she thinks of me."
Cece rolled her eyes. "What? An angry letter she wrote while she was pissed at you? Ali, that's not true. You know it isn't. Okay, fine…she might have said some home truths, but maybe it'll do you good to hear them. Maybe seeing how she felt will stop you from making the same mistake again with someone else."
"Someone else?" Ali exclaimed. "I don't want to fix it with someone else! I want to fix this with her!" She shouted, holding up the letter.
"Well you can't, Ali. Okay. You need to start moving forward. You need to start processing the fact that it's not going to happen with you two. You had your shot, babe. And I'm sorry, but it's done. You can't go back and change it now. You have to start forgetting about it. You need to move on, and so does she. Forget about it Alison. It's for the best. Please." Cece said bluntly. "I know she said she loved you when you were…you know…stalking her, in the woods, but she was just drunk, Ali. You need to put it away. Lock it in a box, and move on. Both of you need to move on. It's done. Accept it.
Alison looked at her in shock. She hadn't heard Cece be so forceful with her about Emily before, and she wondered where it was all coming from so suddenly. Cece was usually quite delicate with her when approaching the subject, and she was usually a little more hopeful than this. She didn't usually tell Ali to give up. Cece couldn't quite look her in the eye, and the two girls knew each other so well, that Ali could tell that Cece wasn't telling her everything.
Ali narrowed her eyes. "What's going on?" She questioned in a nervous voice.
Cece frowned at her. "Nothing." She said a little too quickly. "You just need to move on, that's all." She added. "Anyway, you want some food? I got noodles!" She said cheerily, and Ali could tell she was trying to abandon the subject as quickly as possible.
Ali eyed her suspiciously. "Cece. Is something going on? Why doesn't this feel right?" Ali began to panic. She could tell by the way that Cece was acting that there was a reason for her bluntness, and Ali could tell she was keeping something from her.
"Leave it, Ali." Cece snapped. Ali was taken aback.
"Leave what?" She asked. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me."
Cece sighed. "Listen, blondie. Anything I'm not telling you, is for your own good, okay."
"I'll decide what's for my own good. Come on. You can't do this to me. What's happening? Why won't you tell me about it." Ali questioned. Her voice shook with nerves.
Cece looked conflicted. Ali could tell she was deciding wether to say something or not, and the fact that it was taking Cece this long to come out with it, was really starting to worry her.
"Cece." She said forcefully. "Please." Ali sat down on the bed.
Ali watched as Cece closed her eyes slowly, and opened them again, watching Alison with concern. "This will hurt you. I don't want to hurt you." Cece said sadly.
Ali's stomach dropped. What is going on? What is so upsetting, that she won't tell me about it? Why does she think I'll be hurt?
Cece sat down on the bed next to Alison, and Ali turned towards her expectantly. She watched as Cece considered her next words. "Are you sure?" She asked quietly.
"Whatever it is, I need to know. I have to." Ali answered, dreading the next words out of Cece's mouth.
"Okay, kid. But before I tell you this, just remember, you're not alone, okay. You've always got me. Don't take it too hard, please." She said hopefully.
"You're scaring me." Ali said nervously.
"Don't be scared. Just...promise me that you won't let this push you back a step. You've come so far, and I don't want anything upsetting you. Ali. You have to be strong, okay."
Ali nodded, but she knew something bad was coming.
Cece took her by the hand. "Ali…Emily is gay." She said.
Ali was confused. So? I already know she's gay what does this have to do with anything?
"Yeah…I'm aware of that. So?" She answered.
"No…" Cece trailed off. "She's out. She's come out Ali. Everyone knows. She told everyone."
Alison was surprised. She had always wanted Emily to be brave enough to be the person she was born to be, but she never actually thought she would have the courage to do it. She was immensely proud that Emily had finally been able to admit it.
Wow. She actually did it. Well done, Em. I wish I could have been there for you.
"Really? That's amazing." Ali laughed. "It's about time. It's only been obvious for, like, ever!"
Cece didn't smile, and Ali knew there was more to the story.
Alison furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "What…Cece what's the point of all this? I already know this. What are you trying to tell me?"
Cece squeezed her hand tightly, and looked at her with an apologetic expression. "Oh, sweetie. Listen…she's seeing someone, okay. That's what I haven't told you. She's dating a girl called Maya. She's with someone, Ali. I'm sorry…I'm sorry if it hurts you. I always knew it would." Cece said sadly.
What? She's what? Ali's head couldn't process it. No. She can't be.
"What are you talking about?" Ali asked. Her voice shook a little. No. She's not. She's not dating any one. Cece's probably mistaken.
"She has a girlfriend, now." Cece said.
No she doesn't. She doesn't. Emily doesn't have a girlfriend. She just doesn't.
"No she doesn't." Ali said flatly.
"Ali did you not hear me? Oh…God…I knew this was a bad idea." Cece sighed.
"She can't be seeing someone. You must be mistaken! She can't be…" Ali exclaimed. She grabbed hold of Cece's arm tightly. "Are you sure?" She said, looking into Cece's eyes.
Cece covered Ali's hand on her arm with her own hand softly. "Ali listen...yeah…I'm sure. I'm not mistaken. Trust me. I was very sure about it. I watched her for a little while, and it's definitely true. I'm sorry, babe." She said kindly, and Ali realised that it was true. She felt her body turn cold.
Ali didn't know what to say. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. "Well…did…well…what…I don't…" She couldn't find the words.
"Shh. Ali. It's okay. Don't. Don't ask questions." Cece said. "It's better that you don't know any more. Just leave it at that sweetie."
Oh my god. I told her to move on…and she did. She actually did. Oh, God.
Ali couldn't speak. She didn't even think her brain would allow her mouth to function at this point.
She moved on…she actually did move on.
Fifteen months after Alison's disappearance.
Cece had been happy to see that over the last couple of weeks, Ali had started to get little pieces of her personality back. Not the nastiness, or the vindictiveness that she sometimes used to show, but the funny, witty, and clever parts of her were slowly starting to return. That part of her had been gone for so long that Cece had started to forget just how sassy and fiery Alison could be, and she had missed her friend dearly. Cece had tried everything over the months, to get Ali to realise that not all of her, had been left behind in that grave. Cece always knew that she was still in there, somewhere, but she'd had absolutely no idea how to get her to realise it. She'd let her process what had happened to her slowly, and had allowed her time to heal. She had let her come to terms with her grief, and pain, and guilt, all the while watching from a distance carefully, as Ali put the pieces of her soul back together. She had thought it was a lost cause, for a long time. The more Alison hid herself away, the more comfortable she got with hiding, and Cece thought she would never be able to return to the life she once knew. She never would have thought that the thing to finally snap Alison out of her melancholy daze…would be jealousy.
"This is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea! If bad ideas had a ruler, you would be the Queen!" Cece exclaimed.
Alison laughed. "You sound like me."
"No, honey. You sound like me. Don't forget who it was that taught you everything." Cece responded.
"Yeah? Well could you teach me how to not be so jealous? Because I think I might be having an issue with that." Alison chuckled darkly.
"At this point…" Cece looked at Alison's outfit. "I'd have to agree."
"Hey! You bought this monstrosity!" Alison said, indicating to the dark black wig on her head.
"Yeah, but on the packet it didn't look so…Mortisha Addams…" Cece chuckled.
"Well, it's all I've got. And I am not dying my hair. So don't start with that again." Ali retorted.
"Just don't throw it in the road, this time." Cece said as the two girls slipped into the front of her blue convertible.
Ali gave her a dark look, but she knew Cece could tell she was only joking.
"You sure you're gonna be able to make it past the bridge this time?" Cece asked tentatively, as she clicked her seatbelt into place. She didn't want to run the risk of not wearing it, in case Ali decided to try and crash the car again.
"Yep. I'm done running." Ali said in a determined voice. "It's not the town that scares me any more. It's that girl living in my house. And I want to see what's so special about her."
"Meow." Cece said sarcastically.
Ali glanced sideways at her as Cece pulled away from the apartment block. "I just want to see."
"Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat." Cece said dryly. "Remember that."
"Oh, I think I've used up my nine lives already." Ali responded.
Three hours later.
"STOP YELLING!" Cece shouted. "You're going to take my ear off!"
The blue car sped towards Ravenswood as fast as Cece could drive it. She didn't want to risk slowing down, in case Alison jumped out and started running back towards Rosewood.
"I want to go BACK!" Ali screamed. "Turn the car around! Now!"
"No! I think you've seen just about enough for one day!"
"I haven't seen nearly enough! WHAT were they doing in there? WHY out of all people she could possibly date…does it have to be HER! Why does it have to be someone that LIVES IN MY HOUSE!" Ali shouted, banging her hands against the dashboard.
"If you break it, you buy it Ali! And we both know you don't have any money so you might want to NOT do that to the front of my car!" Cece shouted in irritation.
"Sorry." Ali said, taking a deep breath. She couldn't quite calm down though, and started shouting again. "I JUST DON'T GET IT! What makes that girl so special! You saw her! Did she look special to you! She looked boring to me! And ugh, did you see her shoes! What does Emily even see in her? Why did I go? WHY did I watch them! UGH!"
"Alison. You asked for this. You wanted to see." Cece said.
"I KNOW THAT! I don't need you to lecture me!" Ali said angrily, but Cece knew that her anger wasn't really directed at her.
Alison hadn't seen much. She had insisted for weeks that Cece take her to her old house. She had at first tried to make it seem like she just missed the place, and wanted to see it again, but Cece knew better. She had regretted telling her that Emily's girlfriend lived in her old house from the moment she'd said it. Cece had tried her best at first not to let much information slip about Maya, but Ali had incessantly questioned her until she was forced to give her the details. Ali had asked about everything, even down to the colour of her eyes, and Cece had reluctantly told her everything she wanted to know. There had been no way she couldn't, really. Alison just hadn't shut up about it.
The trip past the Rosewood sign had been relatively easy, and much less dramatic than the time they had tried before. This time, Ali simply closed her eyes as she crossed the bridge, and although there were a few deep breaths involved, she had managed to get through the journey into town. She hadn't seen much of Rosewood at all, she had had to keep her head down to avoid being seen, but as soon as they pulled into Alison's old street, her head had shot up in surprise. She had to be careful, because being parked outside on the street in the middle of the day really wasn't the best way not to get caught. Alison's old house was so close to Spencer's, that Cece had insisted that they only stay for a quick look.
Of course, they had arrived at precisely the wrong time. Ali had seen the very thing she had wanted, and not wanted, to see. They'd been parked for less than a minute before Emily had slipped out of Maya's front door with Maya following closely behind. The two girls had embraced tenderly before Emily had turned to leave. Cece had seen the door open first, and had started the car immediately. She could tell what was about to happen. Ali had pressed her face up to the window, staring so hard that Cece was afraid her glare might break the glass.
Ali had watched in disgust, and anger, as Maya had pulled Emily sensually backwards, by her shirt. Emily had smiled at the contact, and turned around. Maya's hand had gripped the back of her head, pulling her in for a long, hard, kiss. Emily had leaned into it, pushing Maya back against the door so that her back was up against it. Cece had seen it happen at the same time as Ali, and as soon as she had seen Alison's hand reach for the door handle, she had pressed the central locking button on her steering wheel, and sped off down the street. Alison had been screaming and shouting for the last half an hour, pleading with Cece to go back to the house.
"I'm not lecturing you! But we are not going back. I told you it was a bad idea!" Cece said with a shake of her head.
"FIFTEEN SECONDS ISN'T LONG ENOUGH!" Ali screamed. She let out a loud grunt of frustration.
"Ali, any longer, and you'd have been across the street tackling that girl to the floor. We had to leave." Cece said, and Ali knew she was right.
"I'd have done more than that…" Ali trailed off.
"I know. And do you really want that to be the first thing Emily sees when you come back? You fighting with her girlfriend?"
"Come back? I'm not coming back. You saw her. She's happy. She's moved on." Ali sulked.
"Oh, for god sake. You saw, like, twenty seconds, at most." Cece said in an exasperated voice.
"I saw enough." Ali said in a dull voice.
"You saw what I told you you'd see, Ali. She has a girlfriend. You knew this before we came. Honestly, I don't know why you even wanted to see who she was…surely it only hurt you more." Cece said.
"I know what you said…I just…I just didn't think…" She trailed off.
Cece answered for her. "You hoped it wasn't true."
"I don't know what I hoped for. All I know is…I wasn't expecting to see that!" Ali crumpled her face up in annoyance.
Well really? What did you expect? You told her to move on. Sure, she was asleep, but some part of her probably heard you. And it probably wasn't even because of you anyway! She probably wanted to move on! It's been over a year! She's not just going to keep pining after a dead girl forever. She's got to live her life. Ugh. And she is. With her.
Ali made a disgusted face. "Ugh! I can't deal with this! Did you see the way she kissed her? Fuck!" She huffed irritably, pulling the black wig off of her head, and throwing it onto the back seat in annoyance.
"Look, she's her girlfriend Ali. I know you hate thinking about it, and I sure as hell wish you hadn't seen it, but It's kind of a given that they're going to kiss...and stuff…" Cece trailed off.
And stuff. Oh, fuck. I hadn't even thought about that. They're going to sleep together. She's going to have SEX with that GIRL in MY HOUSE!
"FUCK!" Ali shouted, slamming her hands angrily onto the dashboard again.
"Alison! I swear to lucifer! If you ruin my dashboard I will seriously fucking kill you. And this time you'll stay dead!" Cece yelled.
"I don't CARE!" Alison shouted. "I want that girl out of my house! I want her away from Emily! She's going to fucking sleep with her, isn't she!" Suddenly, Alison's face turned to Cece's in a look of absolute horror. "Do you think they have…already?" She asked.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. No, no, no.
"I don't know, Ali." Cece said in exasperation. "I didn't watch them that closely!"
"Well you should have!" Ali scowled.
She knew she was being unreasonable, and that her behaviour was absolutely insane, but she didn't care. She was so furious, that she couldn't concentrate on anything else other than Emily and Maya. She could picture the two of them, rolling around in bed, naked, and laughing as they kissed passionately, and she felt her blood boil.
"I want to go back there. RIGHT. NOW." She demanded.
Cece glanced at her while she drove the car. "Not on your life. Not while you're like this."
"Well I want to. Cece please. I can't leave it like that. I need to see more. Please."
"No. It's a bad idea. It's a terrible idea." Cece answered. "You're angry, and you're hurt, and you'll end up doing something you'll regret."
"Trust me, I won't regret punching that girl in the face." Ali muttered.
"And that's why we aren't going back." Cece said, as she pressed her foot down harder on the accelerator.
16 months after Alison's disappearance.
It had taken four weeks of begging, and pleading, but Cece had finally given in. She didn't think she could take the seething look on Alison's face for one more second. Ali had calmed down about it all somewhat, but she was still angry, and Cece could tell she couldn't let it go until she had seen more. Cece knew that seeing Maya and Emily kiss, had been hard on Ali. Partially because it had been a shock, and partially because it had been only for a brief second. Cece knew that the only image Alison had of the two of them together, was the kiss she had witnessed outside her old house.
When Cece herself had been watching Emily, she had seen much, much more. And she knew that their relationship went much deeper than just a couple of casual kisses. They were together; inseparable, in fact…and from afar...they had looked very close to Cece. She didn't know if it would do Alison any real good to know that they were in a stable, loving relationship. She thought that maybe once she realised it was serious, and that Emily was happy, that she might be able to move on.
She didn't want Alison thinking that Emily was just getting with any old person that came along. Cece could tell from the way Ali spoke about Maya, that she didn't think it was anything serious. Either that, or she was just trying to convince herself it wasn't, to make herself feel better. But Cece wanted Alison to realise that it was really over between her and Emily, even though...it had never really even started. She knew it would be a hard thing for Alison to accept, but she eventually agreed to take Ali back to Rosewood again. She wanted her to be able to finally realise the extent of what was happening. She had to be cruel to be kind; and if seeing Emily and Maya together was what Ali wanted, then Cece hoped with all her heart that it would be what she needed to move on, too.
Outside Maya's House
"I swear. I'm only going to look. I just want to see who she is. I want to see if she's good enough. That's all. I promise I won't do anything. Please. Just let me go. I need to see, Cece."
"Ali..." Cece started to protest, but Alison cut her off.
"No. Listen. I'm calm, okay. Look at me. I'm calm." She said quietly. She tried her best to not look angry. Cece gave her a suspicious look.
"Look. Just let me go. I can't see shit from in here." Ali said. She craned her head to look as far down the street as she could, but it was no use, they were parked too far back.
It was late evening, and Alison and Cece sat inside Cece's convertible, just down the street from Alison's old house. Ali could just make out that the upstairs light was on in her bedroom, and she scowled. Her hand moved towards the door handle.
"Move that hand one more inch and you'll lose a finger." Cece warned. Ali pulled her hand back sharply.
"Why? Why won't you let me go?" She complained.
"Because…when I first agreed to this…I thought it might do you good. But now, I'm not so sure. I don't know what I was thinking, letting you come back here. It's not healthy for you to be stalking people. Or maybe it is…I don't know. Maybe you should see them together. God, I don't know what's best for you, any more." She sighed.
Ali took a deep breath. I don't know what's best for me either. But I want to see. I need to see.
"Why don't you let me figure that out for myself. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I know you don't want me to get hurt. But I'm also not stupid, I know you think that I need to see whatever it is that's going on. I know you're confused about what to do…and believe me, so am I. I don't know whether it's going to make me mad, or if it's going to make me happy…seeing that she's moved on. But I just need to know what they have together. I want to know what it is. I need to see if she's happy. I need to see more than just a few seconds." Ali bargained.
"My guess is it's going to make you mad. And you know I can't drive us any closer to the house. If someone sees you…are you ready for that kind of confrontation?" Cece asked doubtfully.
"Look. I get it, okay. I know you don't want me going over there by myself. And I know that one of us needs to stay by the car in case I'm recognised and we have to run…but I will be okay. I'll be alright. I'm just going to see what she looks like. I just want to see…who she is. I want to know what kind of person is living in my house." Ali said.
Cece wore a worried expression. "You sure you'll be okay? The last time you were in that house…" She trailed off.
"I'm not going inside."Ali said quickly.
"Well you can't just stand at the window and stare at her like a big fat creeper!" Cece exclaimed.
"Fat?!" Ali complained in mock alarm.
"Stop deflecting." Cece answered. "What are you going to do? Do you even have a plan? Because this whole thing is starting to feel a bit…weird."
"Of course I have a plan. I can see perfectly well enough if I climb up to the back of the shed. If the shed is still there, that is. I used to do it all the time. Sometimes, when I'd storm out of the house while mom and dad were arguing…I wouldn't actually leave. I'd just sit up there and watch them, and wait until they'd gone to sleep, then I'd just climb back in through my window." Ali said with a devious smirk.
Cece looked impressed. "Oh. Okay..." She said with a surprised expression. She hadn't actually thought that Alison had thought her plan through.
"Okay?" Ali repeated. "So…does that mean…I can go?" She asked hopefully.
Cece looked conflicted. "Look, Ali. I'm not your mother…" She started, before realising her mistake. "Sorry. I didn't mean…"
"I know what you meant. It's okay." Ali said calmly.
"Listen, I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do. I know that I still do, but that doesn't mean that you have to listen. You're your own person. I just want what's best for you. I don't know if you watching that girl is going to do you any good. I don't know…" She said with concern.
"Cece. I need to see. I want to see. I'm going to go, okay? Because I can't sit here and argue about it any more. I'm choosing to go. Just…stay here, okay? Watch the car. Make sure nobody comes. Please. I won't be long, I swear." Ali said.
"How long is not too long, exactly? Because I can't sit here and draw too much attention to this car. If people see it here all the time, they're going to start wondering who it belongs to, and I know you don't want people to start noticing me, do you? There's enough people in this town that know we used to be friends. Not many, mind. But there are some." Cece said worriedly.
"I'll be ten minutes. Maybe fifteen. Or…maybe only five seconds, if she annoys me too much." Ali said dryly.
"Okay. Well I'll text you if anybody shows up. You've got the phone I gave you, right?"
"Got it." Ali answered.
Cece gave her a glare. "No turning it off this time. I mean it." She ordered.
"I won't, I swear. I promise I won't be too long, either." Alison said as she clambered out of the car. Before she closed the door, she leaned her head back inside. "Thank you. Really. Thank you for doing this for me."
"Thank me when you get back here safely. And Ali, if anything goes wrong…just…"
"I know. I'll call you." Ali said with a smile. "Be back in a few." She said, and closed the car door.
Ali ran swiftly across the road, and over to the side of her old house. She tried not to pay too much attention to it. It was still hard, though, to see a strangers car in the driveway. As she made her way around the back of the house, being careful to avoid the windows, it dawned on her how absolutely crazy she was being. She had tried to tell herself that spying on people was absolutely normal, but she knew she couldn't make a habit out of it. Deep down, inside her mind, she knew that Maya hadn't done anything wrong. She liked Emily, and who could blame her, really. But the main thing that annoyed Alison about her so much was that Emily liked her back, and she needed to see why. This was what she told herself over and over again, as she clambered up the back of her old garden shed.
Alison had climbed up so many times before, that she wasn't surprised at how naturally it came to do it again. It was high, and it was steep, but her feet easily found all the old familiar footholds she so frequently used to clamber up when she lived in the house. She put her foot between the back of Spencer's fence, and used her hand to grip the low tree branch which fell over the garden. It now hung quite far over, which actually made it easier than it had been before to climb up. Hmm, I guess now that the Hasting's have new neighbours, they must be trying to push the garden boundary lines again. Ali thought. There was no way her mother or father would have let the branch anywhere near their garden shed. Every time anything from Spencer's house even came close to their garden, her mother or father would go round and ask Mr and Mrs Hasting's to cut it back.
Ali heaved herself over the side of the shed, and crawled on to the top of it as quickly as she could. The surface was flat, and sturdy, and large enough to hold at least five people. Her parents had built it intending to use it as an office, but over the years, it had just ended up being used for storage. There were various bits of wood, and large bricks dotted about on the roof which were left over from when they had built their garden gazebo. Her parents never could stick to one project. They would start their endeavours with the best of intentions, but would always end up arguing, and moving on to the next project.
Alison moved a few large stones out of the way quietly, to stop them digging into her legs. She settled into position against the shadows of the trunk of the large tree which stretched out behind the shed into Spencer's back garden. She looked over towards her old house. She could watch every single one of the upstairs windows from there, and she had spent many nights doing so, back when she lived in the house. She was directly in front of her old bedroom, and she knew that even though you could see in, all you could see when you looked out, was the shadow of the tree. It had been the perfect place to hide for Alison, back when she had needed to be invisible. Funny how I'm still hiding in the shadows…even now. Ali thought sadly.
Alison shrank back into the darkness, and searched the windows for Emily's girlfriend. She finally spotted her, moving about in the hallway.
Right. Let's have a look at you, then. Ali thought. Ugh. Get out of my house, you tramp. She thought irritably. She tried to stop herself from making immature comments, but at times like these, the bitchy side of herself wasn't so hard to control, anymore. She'd got much better at not saying horrible things about people out loud, but her inner voice was a lot harder to shut up. There's just something about her that I just can't stand! What is it! She wondered. It's because she's dating Emily. That's why you don't like her, and you know that's all it is.
She watched as Maya moved from the hallway, and back into her bedroom. Of course! Her room is my room! Why wouldn't it be! Ugh! She scowled as she saw Maya drop a handful of candles onto the bed. Maya stood back with her hands on her hips, and flicked her long hair back over her shoulders. Ali's jealousy pinched, again. Ugh. She's pretty. She's actually really pretty. Of course she is! For God sake Emily, couldn't you be dating someone ugly, at least? Alison thought irritably. You need to stop. She told herself. This really isn't doing you any good. She's just walking around, you can't see anything. She's just…wait…what is she doing? Ali wondered, as she watched Maya set the candles on top of the windowsill. She crouched back into the shadows, even though she knew Maya wouldn't be able to see her. It was too dark. She watched Maya light them, one by one, and turn off the light. Her bedroom was now illuminated in a romantic golden hue. The light flickered and danced off of the walls, making the room shine and shimmer, in a heavenly fire.
Alison's phone buzzed in her pocket, and she shielded the front screen to stop the light giving away her hiding place, as she read the text message from Cece.
It's been five minutes. Where are you?
Ali typed back a reply to Cece as fast as she could.
Still watching. I need more time.
Ali waited for a response, and it was a good couple of minutes before she got one.
Ali, I had to move the car. Spencer came home. She didn't see me. I'm parked a few streets over. You need to come back, now.
Ali frowned. Not yet. I want to see a little more. Not yet.
Just wait there. I'm still watching. I'm safe, nobody can see me. Ali typed.
Then, after looking at the message again, she added: I'm not angry, don't worry.
I will give you ten more minutes, and that's it. Cece replied.
Ali closed her phone. Good. I'll be a few minutes late. She'll get over it.
Ali stared into her old bedroom. Now that the lights were off, and there were only candles illuminating the room, she could only see Maya, her bed, and the far wall. The rest of her room was shrouded in darkness. This was why she didn't notice Emily enter her bedroom, until she saw her familiar outline move into view in front of the window. Ali jumped in surprise. She hadn't realised Emily had even entered the house, let alone the bedroom. She didn't even know she was going to be there, and it was a shock to suddenly see her. She could just make out the brunettes pretty face, and her heart jumped a little. Hey, Em. Long time no see. Now get out of my house! Ali thought with irritation. Get away from that girl. Please.
Ali watched Maya reach out, and gently take hold of Emily's hands in her own. She felt like she wanted to throw up. It had been hard enough when she had seen them for a brief second outside the house, but in the weeks since that moment, she had hoped the pain would have dulled. It hadn't, and Alison was swiftly reminded of this as soon as she saw Emily lean town, and capture Maya's lips in a sweet kiss. Ali closed her eyes briefly, not wanting the memory of it seared into her brain. She leaned in. She kissed her first. God. It's not like they haven't kissed before. Stop. She always used to kiss me first…fuck. I can't watch this. But she did. She stayed frozen in place, completely unable to look away.
She could see them talking, their expressions gazing lovingly at one another, and their eyes locked together like there was nothing else in the world but them, and the room, and Ali suddenly realised what was happening. She took in the candles, the single car on the drive, and the intimacy of the set up, and her body turned as cold as ice.
No. Please no.
She watched in horror as Maya pulled Emily over to the bed.
God, no. This is…they're going to…I can't. I can't watch this. Ali felt her entire body seize up, and she knew she had to leave. She knew she shouldn't watch, but for some reason, she couldn't make herself move. She's going to have sex with her. God! She only just got there! This cannot be happening to me right now, PLEASE! She's going to have sex...with that…with that girl, in my bedroom. In MY bedroom! EMILY! What are you doing! No. This can't happen.
Alison leaned forward slightly to get a better look. No. She won't. She won't do it. She thought, hoping with all her heart that it wouldn't happen. The shock she felt as she watched Maya's hands slip under Emily's shirt, and pull it over her head, was shattering. She let out a small cry of pain in the darkness of her hiding place. No…this can't be real. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket, but she ignored it. She couldn't focus on anything else but what was going on in her old bedroom, with her old lover. She leaned forward, daring to look a little closer, even though all she wanted to do was run away.
Ali could do nothing but watch as Emily lay back on Maya's bed. She watched the dark skinned girl crawl sensually on top of her, and begin to kiss her way slowly down Emily's neck. She's being so…gentle with her. Ali thought in surprise. She watched the way Maya would look up, and glance at Emily before she would carry on kissing her. It was as if she was asking for permission to continue. She noticed how Emily looked nervous, but confident at the same time. It was as if they were carefully testing out each other's boundaries. Is this…is this her first time with this girl? Is this her first time with anyone? Oh my god. They're not going to fuck. They're not having sex. They're making love. Ali realised. Are they in love with each other? Does she love this girl? Emily…Emily why are you letting her kiss you like that? Ali thought in despair. Oh, wow. She's is. She's in love with her. Emily wouldn't just do this with any one. She'd only have sex with someone she loved. That's just who she is. Ali realised, as she watched Emily's body shake under her girlfriends kisses. Wow. I wonder if she blushes for her…the same way she blushes for me...
Alison would have done anything to have had the chance to touch Emily in the way that Maya was doing now, and watching Emily reach behind her back, and pull her bra off, was the last straw. In that moment, she was mesmerised. She had seen Emily naked from the waist up before, but it had been so long ago, and so quick, that she had forgotten just how beautiful she was. She could see her beauty now, through the darkness of the candlelit bedroom, and she knew that Maya was seeing it too. She sees how amazing Emily is…and she gets to have her. She gets to have her, and I don't. I never will. I'll never get to touch her like that…she has no idea how lucky she is. Don't give her any more, Em. Please. Don't let her be your first. God…I could have been…I wanted to. Why was I so utterly stupid. Alison thought.
Despite how fleeting, and how few, their sexual encounters had been, Ali had still always thought of Emily as something which was entirely hers. She had always treated Emily like a possession. Even when Emily had dated Ben, he hadn't ever really been a threat to Ali. She had thought of him as nothing more than a distraction for Emily…someone she was just using, to pass the time. Alison always knew that the only real feelings Emily had ever actually had for someone…had been for her. She had always been so confident, and so sure about the brunettes feeling for her that she had never really considered anyone being able to take her away from her. She watched Emily's eyes flutter closed, a pleasurable expression on her face, and her back arch up as Maya's kisses finally reached her nipple, and Ali suddenly realised that this wasn't true. She isn't mine. She's not mine to have. I gave her up. I gave her to this girl. This is all my fault, if I'd stayed…I could have had this. I could have had her, like this. I should go. I should let her have this. I can't be watching it. This is hers. Ali thought as she watched, her eyes brimming with tears.
She could see that the expression on Emily's face was one of utter bliss, and the jealousy was almost too much to bear. She could feel it seeping through her as her whole body shook. She knew she should leave, and let Emily have this moment to herself, but she couldn't move. The grief of what she'd lost…and what she had given up, was too difficult to take. She sobbed quietly in the darkness as she watched Emily slip away from her, into the arms of another. They're in love. I can see it by how confident she's being…God, they are. Emily loves this girl. She's going to let her touch her…God…and her kisses…if she goes any lower…I just can't deal with this. Emily looks happy...she looks completely at peace. Ugh, and she's enjoying this…her face…she looks like she's going to come from the kisses alone. Ali scowled as she watched Emily's back sensually arch upwards on the bed under Maya's exploring lips. Her face burned with furious anger. Get the fuck off of Emily. Get off her. Get off her now! She glared into the candlelit bedroom. Jesus! And close your fucking curtains! If I can see in then so can anyone else!
Ali couldn't stop her anger from boiling over. It happened as soon as she saw Maya's hand slide up the inside of Emily's thigh. It was in that moment, that Ali realised that Maya was about to go further with Emily than she had ever been. She was about to take Emily from her. And worse, still, Emily was more than happy to let her do it. Maya started to move down Emily's stomach with her tongue, and Alison saw Emily grip the bedsheets tightly in what was obviously a reaction to immense pleasure. Alison's pain, and anger, erupted so suddenly that she didn't even have time to process it.
Ali felt all the hatred she had for the house, the bedroom, and the situation going on inside the walls flood through her all at once, and in a blind rage, she stood up, and reached for anything within arms length. Nothing good ever happens in this house! It's been nothing but shit, my whole life! Fuck everything! Her fingers found purchase on one of the large bricks she had previously moved to the side. She picked it up in one hand and her eyes streaked with tears. Stop. Emily, please stop. She gave a frustrated cry through gritted teeth, raised her hand, aiming to throw the brick straight through the window. She opened her mouth to shout in anger, but a hand closed across it, suddenly, cutting her off before she could yell.
Alison dropped the brick in fright as she was hauled backwards. The brick crashed onto the roof of the shed, and skidded over the side, banging loudly against the wood as it bounced off the side panel, and fell to the floor. It rolled across the ground and straight into one of Maya's garden ornaments, smashing it into pieces with a loud crack. Ali tumbled backwards against the figure stood behind her. She was pushed down low. The person who had tackled her was holding her against the roof of the shed, pressing their body onto hers as she struggled to move. She tried to cry out, but the hand against her mouth pressed down firmly.
"SHH!" A voice whispered forcefully into her ear. "It's just me. Shut up! Stop moving!"
"Cece?" Ali tried to say, but her voice was too muffled by the hand over her mouth to be audible.
"Yes, it's me, Ali. You idiot. I've been texting you for ages! You said you'd be back and when you weren't I got worried. For fuck sake, what the hell are you doing? You said you weren't angry!" She whispered as Alison breathed heavily against her hand.
Well I lied. Ali thought. She struggled to get free from underneath Cece's body but her friend held her firmly down. "Stop! Ali…stop." Ali was trapped, and she breathed heavily, her mind seething with rage.
Ali tried to tell Cece to let her up, but she couldn't speak. Cece still held her hand closely against her mouth, preventing her from making any noise.
"Alison, if I let you up, promise me you'll calm down." Cece said sternly.
If you let me up I will smash every window in that house. Ali thought darkly.
Cece chuckled, her lips pressed to Alison's ear. "Don't even think about it. I know you. And you know me, too. Which one of us is stronger, do you think?" Cece warned, and Ali already knew the answer. Cece was always the stronger one, Ali didn't have a chance. "Make one move towards another brick, Ali, and I will throw you off of this shed. I swear to God." Cece whispered.
She would. She would do anything to stop me from making a mistake. Fuck.
"We need to go. And you need to be quiet. We are leaving right now, do you understand?" Cece asked.
Ali knew she was beaten. She knew that Cece not only had the upper hand, but that she was right. She knew that if Cece hadn't turned up when she had, that she would have probably made a monumental mistake. Breaking and smashing things might seem like a good idea when you're angry, but Ali knew that the moment she stopped to actually think about it, that it was the wrong reaction to have. She tried to calm herself down, and focus on clearing her mind. She tried to stop herself from shaking, and she nodded once, to let Cece know she had agreed to calm down. She stopped struggling, and tried to let the tension leave her body.
"Good girl." Cece said, as Ali's body relaxed. Cece tentatively removed her hand from Alison's mouth.
Ali breathed in oxygen deeply as she tried to get her breath back. Fuck! I am such an idiot. What the fuck am I doing? So much for not being angry. Shit.
"Come on." Cece said, pulling Alison towards the back of the shed by the arm. "Let's go."
Ali took one last look back at the bedroom as she clambered over the back of the shed. She was too far away now to see much, but she could just make out the outline of two figures in the room, one on top of the other; and for the first time, she heard a faint, passionate moan of pleasure come from the bedroom. It had been loud...very loud, and Ali knew exactly who had made the noise. She would recognise the sound anywhere. She'd never heard Emily moan quite like that before, though. You asked for this to happen. This is your fault. You wanted her to be happy. She thought. Well congratulations, did that sound happy enough to you? Her heart skipped in a painful succession of beats. She screwed her eyes shut, and let out a quiet cry. She felt a hand grip her arm firmly as Cece pulled her down from the shed, and dragged her, crying, through the garden.
Cece ran down the street, keeping to the shadows as she pulled Alison along with her. She dipped behind a narrow row of hedges and dragged Alison by the arm, into the alleyway across the street. She finally let go of Alison's hand. "If we cut through here, we can get back to the car. It's only a couple of streets over." Cece said, gesturing into the darkness of the alley.
Ali stared at her, and then immediately started walking back towards the house. Cece grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around to face her.
"No, Ali. Home. We're going home." She said sternly. Ali looked conflicted for a moment. She was deciding between going back to the car, or back to the house. Cece stood back with her arms crossed, and let Alison make the decision for herself. She hoped it would be the right one. Ali squeezed her eyes shut, and brought her hands up to her temples. She let loud a frustrated noise from the back of her throat as she crouched down in the darkness of the alley way.
Cece crouched down next to her, and Ali looked up at her friend with fresh tears in her eyes. She looked broken. She wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve. "Cece…" She started, her voice breaking as she spoke. "I wish…I wish I hadn't come back. I wish I'd listened. They…she…they were…" She finally broke down, and her voice would no longer come out. The anger turned to hurt, and regret, and she couldn't stop the tears from falling freely as she cried loudly, her sobs echoing through the alleyway.
Cece gave her a sympathetic look. "I know hun. I saw. I know." She said kindly. She pulled Ali in for a tight hug, and held her there in the darkness, comforting her in a soft embrace until Alison had calmed down. Ali held on to Cece until she had quietened down…until she could feel her body stop shaking, and she was forever grateful to have someone there who cared for her so deeply.
Cece took Ali by the hand, and lead her back to the car quietly, not daring to discuss with her what had happened. Alison was entirely silent the entire journey back home. She turned her head towards the window, and Cece could see the tears trailing down her cheeks as she stared out absently at the night. It wasn't until they had entered the apartment, that she spoke again.
Ali sat at the windowsill, and looked sadly out into the darkness of the night. She took in the lights of the distant windows, and the stars above her, as she contemplated what she had lost. Cece sat next to her quietly, and waited for her to speak.
"Well…I guess you were right." Ali said sadly. She sighed.
"Right about what?" Cece asked.
"Everything." Ali answered.
Shes happy. Cece was right. I shouldn't have gone back there. What right did I have to be angry? She deserves to be happy. She deserves the world. She deserves to have someone that would love her like that. It's not fair for me to be jealous. It's not fair for me to watch her from the shadows, either. I had no right to react the way that I did. No right at all.
"Look, Ali. The incident with the brick aside…I think you reacted pretty well tonight." Cece said.
"What?" Ali exclaimed in surprise. "You thought I reacted well? That girl nearly lost a window."
"I said the incident with the brick aside. Didn't I?" Cece answered.
"So you think me crying in the middle of the street like an idiot was a good reaction?" Ali asked, puzzled.
"No…well, yeah. In a way. It's a normal thing to feel, Ali. Everyone gets jealous…everyone gets hurt. What I'm happy with you about…is that you stopped. You calmed down. And you actually listened to me. You walked away." Cece stated. "I'm really proud of you." She rubbed Alison's arm tenderly. "The old Ali would have thrown that brick and twenty more, and laughed afterwards. I can tell that you know it wouldn't have been a good idea. I can tell you know that it would have been a mistake."
"Yeah, well." Ali said doubtfully. "I'm not so sure. If you hadn't grabbed my arm, I'm pretty sure this would have been a different discussion."
"Well I did grab your arm. And you did stop. So just take the compliment, okay?" Cece said.
Ali smiled. "How the hell did you get on top of the shed without me seeing, anyway? Or hearing you? What are you, Pink Ranger?" AIi said sarcastically.
"Oh please. An asteroid could have hit and you wouldn't have noticed." Cece said pointedly.
Ali scowled, remembering exactly why she had been so distracted. "Yeah…I guess…" She trailed off.
There was a short silence between the two as Ali looked sadly down at her hands. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet, and sincere. "I shouldn't have thought that I had any right to see who she was dating." Ali said. "It wasn't fair."
"Well…" Cece said, giving her a kind look. Her eyes squinted devilishly. "You know what they say…all's fair in love and war." She smiled at Ali. "I know it was hard to see that. I know it can't have been easy. And hey…if I'd have known that they were going to…you know…then I would have never let you go back there."
"You know…" Ali started. "Actually…maybe it's better that I did see it."
Cece looked surprised. "You do? Because I saw about two seconds of it and it was enough to make me blush." She suddenly realised what she'd said. "Oh God, Ali... I'm sorry. I just meant…"
Ali interrupted her. "It's okay." She sighed. "I think it was a good thing, in the end. I was so…selfish, with her. I never allowed her to belong to anyone else, even before. Maybe I need to learn to not hold on to things so tightly. A lot of the reasons I hurt her before…it was…it was to do with control. I was so busy trying to get it back after everything that happened to me at home…that I took it from other people. Mainly her."
Cece leaned closer, realising that Ali was finally starting to open up, and really realise some things about herself. She didn't respond, she just stayed quiet, waiting for Ali to speak again.
"I just…I was an idiot. I thought that if I kept her close…but not too close…if I let her think she had a chance, and not really ever give it to her…I thought that she would stay mine. I thought that that was the way to keep her. By leading her on, but never quite allowing anything to happen. It was all so unfair. It was all so…controlled. Seeing her lose control with someone tonight…was horrible, yes. But it also made me realise just how much I'd been holding her back. She was always so afraid to tell me how she felt, Cece. Her letter said so, you can read it yourself."
"I don't need to read it, Ali. I believe you." Cece said.
"Well that was how she felt…she was scared of me. She was scared to tell me…she was scared to act on it, and she was scared to admit it to herself. The worst part was, I made it all worse. I pushed her away at a time when she was most vulnerable. I know how I reacted tonight was bad. But it was just out of love. And I never told her. I never told her that I loved her." Ali took a deep breath. "If that…other girl. Maya. If she can love Emily…and give her all the things in the world that she needs to make her happy…then who am I to say anything? I should thank her, really. I should thank her for loving Emily in all of the ways that I was too afraid to."
Cece smiled. It was the first time she had actually heard Alison speak in such detail about her feelings. She had thought Ali would end up shouting and screaming. She had thought that she wouldn't let it drop, that she would insist on going back to look, even though it would just make her angry. She hadn't expected this reaction at all. She was proud that Ali was finally able to be calm, and rational, and she hoped that even though the night had started off with Alison more angry than she had ever seen her before, that it would end with the blonde finally being able to give up some control. She hoped that Ali was at last able to do something selfless, and let Emily go.
"So…I'm confused. You're happy now?" Cece asked.
Ali turned to her and smiled wryly. "I wouldn't say that. But…I'll deal with it. I'll have to. If Emily is happy…then that's all that matters. This shouldn't be about me, and how I feel. This should be about her. And…I guess…she's happy…so…." Ali couldn't quite finish.
"I get it." Cece said. "Ali, you'll be okay. I promise." She smiled sweetly.
"Maybe." Ali said. "Maybe I will." She looked back out towards the distant street lamps, and watched the world pass by.
Maybe I can be a little less selfish, for once.
Authors Note: well! That was the end of part two, but it's basically going to continue straight on with Ali's disappearance in part three. I promise it'll be posted very soon. I hope you guys understand why I decided to cut it. It was just so, so long and it would have been too much in one go. You should get the next update in the next couple of days and I thought you guys would rather have it in two parts than wait ages for the whole thing to be edited.
Gosh, I have been overwhelmed writing this because it's just so complicated and intricate, and I seriously hope it's not getting boring for you guys. I just wanted to really get into Alison's character. On the show she always has this big enigma of a question mark over her head when it comes to why she does things, and how she feels, and I really didn't want to rush this part of her character development. There is a ton of emison stuff coming up, and I can't wait to get into all the season five scenes! They are imminent and there's a lot more to this story that hasn't been seen yet! In the next chapter there will be an incident that alison has to deal with on her own, and her version of the barn scene, too.
Please let me know if you're all still with me and not getting tired of Ali. I hope you're all doing well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who is reviewing and helping me through this because you have no idea how much this story means to me and to share it with you is everything to me. I love the emison fandom, you guys are all so kind. I love you all! My Twitter is hauntedtwilight come say hi!